The Frog Legs Rag

>Thoughtlessly, you take a long slow drink from your beer, staring at the TV; watching some show you haven't really paid attention to.
>It's been a long day...week...month.
>And you're just glad its over.
>Your work as a contractor is tough during this time of year, and as such you're more than a little stressed.
>But as you take another long drag from your favorite beer, you're reminded it's just temporary.
>You slowly stand and stretch, thinking about what to make for dinner.
>Pepperoni mushroom pizza with homemade crust? Burgers? seafood?
>You're left wondering for a bit; but the sound of Dalia pulling up to the house snaps you out of your thoughts.
>She always did insist on grocery shopping, so you would have to see what she got this time around to make a dinner decision.
>You saunter out of your front door to meet you wife.
>Dalia looks as gorgeous as ever; with her slim Serval body wearing skinny jeans and a pink t-shirt; grabbing something from the backseat.
>A Something she tries to hide from you.
>Even though she wears a tight t shirt and jeans, she acts like her thin body could hide anything behind her back.
>You grab a few things from the trunk, while staring at the thing she's hiding.
>"What's that behind your back?" you ask nonchalantly, grabbing a few gatorades.
>"Uh! Nothing, just a surprise for later!" Dalia squeaks before rushing into the house.
>She's up to something, that's for sure.
>You just don't know what yet.
>As you bring in the various foodstuffs, you put together a meal plan in your head.
>Dalia brought home a LOT of seafood; which is no real surprise to you.
>She is a big cat after all.
>"I'm making dinner tonight! sit back and relax; I know you've been stressed with work" you hear her call out as you step through the front door, overburdened with bags of food.
>One trip is all it should take for bringing in groceries.
>You would die before you let that truth be eroded.
>But your heart still sinks when you hear her cheerful chirps.
>Dalia is a great cook, but...She's a bit too out there to cook.
>For example, she tried to home brew Ale, only to not let the Yeast breathe and then the container exploded.
>Or how about the time she tried to make soft shell crabs and let loose a dozen tiny crabs in your kitchen
>"What are you making love?" you call out as you bring in the food.
>"Frog legs! I got a deal at the store!" is her answer.
>You hurry into the kitchen to see her looking over a pot of water with the heat set to max under it; a 5 gal bucket with a sealed lid sits on the ground beside her.
>"Uh...Frog legs? Do you even like frog legs" you ask as Dalia rushes to you with a tight hug and kiss.
>You know this ploy.
>She's trying to distract you from something she knows she shouldn't have.
>"Uh Yep! Frog legs, just go to the living room and I'll make them for us" she says hastily; hugging you and trying to pull you to the living room.
>You plant your feet and frown.
>"What's in the bucket?"
>Dalia's ears fold and she looks from you to the bucket uneasily.
>"UH..." she grunts halfheartedly.
>"Tell me" you demand with a frown, staring at the bucket.
>You swear you can hear soft ribbits from it.
>"Nothing! Just lemme cook!" Dalia says hastily, pushing you away from the kicthen with all her feline strength.
>well now, you're at a standstill.
>Trust your wife or invade to see what's going on.
>10 minutes.
>"You get ten minutes before I start investigating" you say while holding her close.
>She tries to squirm away, but luckily for her you let he go.
>"Ten minutes! Got it!"
>You sit back down in the living room and try to focus on anything other that Dalia in the kitchen.
>The sounds of pots and pans banging together ring out as she tries to get food ready before you intervene
>With more than a little bit of apprehension, you settle back onto the couch in your living room, trying to watch TV, but are distracted by Dalia.
>The bucket keeps ribbiting, she keeps mumbling to herself and fishing random spices out of the cupboards.
>"Babe?" you call out after a few minutes; only to hear another loud clang of pots.
>"Yes dearest?" Dalia answers, poking her head around a corner, keeping her hands from view with a VERY fake smile.
>You frown, and get up from your couch.
>"Ok, what are you doing?" you ask stepping into the kitchen.
>You're greeted with several pots of boiling water and various knives laid out.
>Dalia smiles then begins wrestling with the bucket lid.
>"Frog legs! I got a deal for a bucket of tree frogs!" she chirps happily as she pulls off the lid and attempts to pour said frogs into the boiling water.
>Instead, the frogs fall all around the water, and those that land in it simply jump out.
>In an instant, your kitchen has turned into a fucking rainforest of chirping 2 inch frogs.
>Small croaks are heard everywhere and you see Dalia fussing around, trying to shepard the frogs into the steaming pots.
>You stand in disbelief, having seen everything unfold.
>Dalia tries (and fails) to round up dozens of small frogs with her wooden spoon.
>The frogs hop all over, into the living room and family room, trying to get away.
>Your pet cat, mouser (The head of Mousekeeping) begins to chase frogs down with worrying enthusiasm.
>"Honey...Help please?" Dalia almost begs, looking at you as a few frogs cling to her clothes.
>With an over exaggerated shrug and a frown you look at her.
>"What do you want me to do?" you ask, watching as your kitchen slowly gets covered in tiny green frogs.
>Honestly, these frogs are so small....did she really expect to be able to get a meal from them?
>"Uhhh catch them?" Dalia says like it should be obvious, scooping a small frog with her spoon and tossing it into the boiling water, only to have it immediately jump out.
>You frown.
>"What were these frogs for originally?" you ask, catch a few frogs in one hand, then open up a window to toss them outside.
>A few frogs see the opportunity to escape and jump out to freedom.
>Dalia doesn't look at you, avoiding your gaze as she slaps a frog out the window with her spoon.
>"Uhhhh, Bait?" she finally answers, her ears folded.
>You sigh and turn off the stove, then keep tossing frogs outside.
>Figures.
>"Order a pizza or something Love, let me and Mouser deal with this" you say tossing another few frogs out.
>Sure, they might disrupt this local population of animals, but come winter they were free meals.
>plus they might get rid of a few mosquitoes.
>Mouser, happily, pounces on any tree frogs, ripping at them with his claws and teeth.
>The lucky ones are caught by you and tossed outside.
>But it's impossible to know how many frogs escaped further into your house.
>There is an ever present chirping of frog song as you roam your house as Dalia calls up the local pizza joint.
>You barely hear her voice as you shove an arm under the couch to try to grab a loose frog you saw, only to have Mouser attack your fingers behind the couch.
>"OW! HEY! Same team Mouser!" you yell at him, swatting limply with your hand, which is still stuck under the couch.
>"The pizza guy will be here in 30 minutes love" Dalia calls to you softly.
>With your free hand you give a thumbs up while grabbing another frog loosely.
>As you pull your arm out from under the couch, you hear Mouser attacking another unfortunate animal.
>Dalia now helps in the frog hunt, using a pair of tongs to try and grab the frogs; they just keep jumping out of reach .
>"Dalia use your paws dammit! It's easier!" you call; only for her to drop the biggest twist of the night.
>"Ewww no! I don't wanna touch them!" she responds.
>You stop, amazed at the statement you just heard.
>"How were you going to prepare them? eat them?! or anything!?!" you ask incredulously.
>Dalia just smiles at you and grabs a frog with her tongs.
>"I would figure it out!" she answers with a feline smile.
>You sigh and keep tossing frogs outside.
>This is probably a lost cause judging by how many are still in the living room.
>"Dalia how many frogs were in that bucket?" you ask as you attempt to grab one of the slippery amphibians
>She is about to bring her tongs to her chin when she realizes she used it to grab the frogs, stopping herself then using her free paw to scratch her chin.
>"Uhhhh... 400 count?" she answers with an apologetic smile.
>You sigh, and rub your face in annoyance.
>Your night of beer, cheap stupid TV shows and a good dinner ruined.
>Well maybe not ruined, But who wants a night of relaxation full of frog song?
>"How on earth were we supposed to eat 400 frog legs?" you ask, tossing another frog outside only to see her shrug
>"We would've had leftovers!" she retorts, clicking the tongs at you.
>You simply shake your head, and continue round up the annoying intruders.
>Before long the doorbell rings, making you leave the couch with all of its cushions tossed aside.
>You look through the screen door at an anthro fox in a bright red "Pepperoni Jones" uniform stands pensively, holding 2 pizza boxes and a 2 liter of Dr.Pepper™.
>"Hey! Sorry for the late call" you say as you pull open the screen door.
>The foxes eyes shoot around you; making you look around as well.
>all along the door frame were dozens of tiny frogs trying to escape; many take the opportunity to hop outside to freedom.
>"Wh-what's with the frogs dude?" the fox asks, eyes locked only a particularly dense section of them.
>"Just don't ask man" you respond offering the guy a 10 on top of what you owe him.
>He takes the cash and backs away slowly, never making eye contact with you, instead watching the army of frogs.
>You take the pizzas inside and a lot of frogs are hopping around the house as you set the boxes and drink down in the kitchen.
>Opening them reveals your pizzas; one is a standard pepperoni pizza, because classics can't go wrong.
>The other is pepperoni and anchovies.
>You opt to leave the back door open for the night, which will hopefully lure any wayward frogs outside.
>Mouser, for all his murderous faults, is still chasing scores of frogs out of the house.
>Dalia meanwhile, carefully grabs Frogs with her tongs, avoiding direct contact with the frogs to toss them outside.
>You sigh begin to help clear your house of any tiny amphibians.
>luckily, most of the tiny stupid animals got the idea of avoiding you and Mouser.
>Scores of frogs hop out of the house as the two of you shepard the tiny amphibians outside.
>Dalia, now holding a flyswatter, is wapping any frogs that want to come inside.
>You give up and head back to the kitchen.
>"Leave them love, we can't catch them all" you say with a pained smile as you grab a slice of pizza.
>Dalia's ears flick quickly and her tail darts side to side was she watches some frogs hop out of your house to safety.
>It might be nicer inside, but having a fuzzy murderer lurking made it just not worth it.
>You settle on your couch and take a bite of the pizza, ignoring the frogs and ignoring mousers delighted chirps.
>Dalia settles next to you and frowns, looking around your living room.
>"uhh...what about the-"
>You cut her off, wiping your mouth with your shirt sleeve.
>"We'll get them later, plus I think Mouser can scare most of them outside" you say as a group of frogs avoid Mouser and hop out the backdoor.
>Dalia chirps happily, then gets up, grabs 2 plates and grabs 2 slices of each pizza.
>She does a silly twirl, then does her best "walking down the catwalk' walk to you,
>"Uhhhh Dinner is served! I made it myself!" she says as she sets the plates down on the coffee table a trying grin on her muzzle.
>Close enough.
>You turn up the TV volume to drown out the chirps, grab another slice and settle into the couch.
>Dalia snuggles up to you, purring loudly, and eats her pizza happily.
>Man, this was NOT how you thought your evening would go.
>But you have food, a living wife, and for the foreseeable future, lots of entertainment for your pet.
>At least the night got interesting.