Thread 88: Stories 76-90

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>Spike
'Luna'
"Chief"

Spike panted, propping himself up with his broadsword to stay standing exhausted after having managed to slay the ferocious beast.

>Thank goodness for environmental damage. Maybe now I can find the others

'While the foolish knave-

>Brave knight!

'FOOLINSH KNAVE! thought the battle was over little did he suspect-

>Oh fuck you

'LITTLE DID HE EXPECT...AN AMBUSH

Suddenly from the trees leapt some kind of pink fluffy thing with a spear

"Great Destroyer of the Valley Peoples we, the pink flufflepuff clan of peacelestia swear eternal bloody vengeance against you for the destruction of our kin!

>It was an mistake! An accident!

"LIES! We will destroy you and we have brought all our men women and children to attack thee! Either thou falls today, or our species goes extinct!

>...now that's just silly

"HAVE AT THEE!"

><sigh> I never asked for this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One blood, steel, and fire drenched extinction event later

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Huff...huff...WELL LUNA!? ARE YOU HAVING FUN YET YOU SOCIOPATH!?

'We? But thou are the slaughtering innocents!

>Innocents who were trying to kill me!

'Because thou killed their brethren and protectors!

>I didn't exactly have a choice!

'No matter. Now that the battle is over we shall grant thee thy loot.'

>...this isn't going to end well I feel

'BEHOLD! New Armor!'

>...

'...'

>.........

'Well?'

>Did...did you seriously just spawn the obsidian bladed blooddrinker armor?

'It's seemed appropriate'

>IT'S FOR DARK PALADINS! I'M A GOOD GUY! A BRAVE AND VIRTUOUS KNIGHT!

'Says the apex predator who just acted as an extinction level event for 3 species.'

>2! It was 2 species!

'Did thou forget the town thou led the beast straight through?

>...The one where everything was only about chest high, like it was built for leprechauns with the river of lava runnig through it I used to eat up most of it's HP? Yeah....

'And dost thou recall cowering behind the town hall?'

>...the really ornate sturdy looking building I thought might hold against the beasts assault?

'Which actually drew the beast in that direction when it caught your scent leading to it flattening the only 'refuge' that people had? Where every member of their population gathered?

>DAMMIT!

'Now put on the armor dark lord spike'

>I AM NOT A DARK LORD! I"M A VIRTUOUS KNIGHT!

'Just put it on'

>HOW!? It's not even for this class!?

'We are making an exception'

>...no.

'But thou must!'

>Not gonna do it

'But thou must!'

>Yeah, gonna walk away now

'Suddenly all thine armor cracks in two and falls to the ground!'

>WHAT!?

'And a storm appears on the horizon! Moving in quickly! When it arrives it will do constant damage to anyone not wearing armor. I suppose you'll either have to put on the bloodrinker armor, or retire from the game.'

>THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!

'Sorry, I don;t make the rules I only enforce them'

>AND THAT"S A LIE! THAT" THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT IS TRUE RIGHT NOW

'Tick Tock little dragon'

Begrudgingly, with many muttered curses, spike dons the obsidian black spiked blood drinker armor.

>Well, at least I still have my trusty broadsword

'Suddenly, lightning strikes your broadsword splitting it in half and rendering it beyond repair.'

>...

'Luckily, the cursed blade soulshatter falls from the sky next to you'

>...But that...that's the weakest cursed blade...and cursed...

'Oh well, I'm off to look in on the others. Good luck, Oh Virtuous Knight'

Something died a little in spike at that moment, and he thought the best thing to do was to sit and have himself a little cry. So he did.

Then he stood up. Picked up soulshatter, and began to walk. Only one motive left in his mind. Luna. Would. Pay.

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>Cadence
"42"
~~~

>...Hrmmm...

PUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCH

"Is something the matter, Cadence? You seem oddly interested in my destruction of this horde, did you want in?"

>Hmm? Oh, no thanks!

"You sure? I would be happy to weaken it for you and let you get the XP."

>No thanks, just thinking!

"Very well."

>...heey, Forty Two?

PUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCH

"Yes?"

>You don't get stronger in here, right?

"Correct, this only simulates physical activity. Great for reaction training, but muscle training it is not."

>Hrmmm... so it's not really affecting the real you.

"Only your mind, correct. This is why Seventy Seven survived me slitting his throat and was unbothered thereafter."

>Right, riiiiight... hrmmmm...

"You keep doing that. What is the-"

>AH HAH!

"What!?"

>...Nothing, not right now, I'll wait till I find Shiny, but when I do... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHH!

"Oh, uh... okay."

>...Hey, Forty Two?

"Yes?"

>You'd do me a favor if I asked, right?

"Of course! Anything!"

>...mwhahahaha...

"..."

>...

"...I-..I suddenly feel uncomfortable."

>Mwah. Ha. Ha.

"...I'm going to do what I normally do when I feel like this."

>What's that?

PUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCHPUNCH

>MWAAHHAHAHAHAH!

"WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?! My worldview is being shattered!"

>AHHHAHAHAHAH!"

"SHATTERED I SAY!"

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 >AJ
"Dash"
'18'
[Pinkie]
{???}
~~~~~

>So, what've ya'll been up to?

[Mostly talking about blowjobs, you know how it is!]

>....

"...That is wildly taken out of context."

>Ah'm... ah'm tryin' ta' picture a context wherein' that fits, and Ah'm not findin' anythin' that don't make me wanna hurl.

[Give in, Aj, give iiiiiinnnnn...]

>What are ya'll anyway?

[A DUHHHH, I'm a bard! I've got a banjo with this and everything! WELLL~ Shuck'a do cause I know you, I'm Pinkie the amazing baaaard!]

'Lute.'

[Pffft, yeah, I'm hoping to get a ton, what's your point?]

>She means that ain't a banjo.

[...Huh?]

'Lute. It's a lute.'

[...Huh?]

"It's a different thing."

[...I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!]

>Did ya'll really only pick that cause ya' wanted ta' play a banjo?

[YES! I wanted to steal your thunder!]

>...But Ah' like the fiddle, not a banjo.

[THOSE ARE DIFFERENT THINGS TOO!?]

"Doy, even I know that."

[EVERYTHING I KNOW IS WRONG! WHITE IS BLACK UP IS DOWN AND SHORT IS LONG! AND EVERYTHING I- whoa.]

'Whoa?'

"Why would you question her? She stopped."

'I'm curious.'

[...I feel like Fluttershy forgot something...]

~~~~~

{WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M NOT ALLOWED IN PONYVILLE!?}

~GRRAAAGG!~

{No I don't have an entry license, what the heck is that!?}

~GRAAAHGG!~

{Fifty bits!? You made that up! Corruption!}

~GRAHHHH!~

{I don't care if you're a bear, rookery! I'm already being copyright infringed, and now you're going to try to add this on!?}

~GRAAGHHHH!~

{Where is your supervisor!? I demand to see the one in charge of a bear!}

~....~

{...Oh, right, I made that joke and everything... You win this round, Harry the Bear.}

~GRANH GRAH GRAH!? GRAAGGGHHHhhhh...~

{No! Wait, come back! It's not witchcraft, I just read your badge! Come back mister bear!... Shoot, now I'm gonna be called racist.... bear racist.}

~~~~~

>PINKIE!

[GAH!... Where am I?]

>...

[...splashcuts are a hell of a trip.... now where was I? Oh right, MY LIFE IS A LIIIEEEEEE]

>There we go.

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'SA'
[Luna]
~~~

>Celly? Be honest with me... Does Luna have a problem with me?

"Not sure what you mean."

>Be straight with me here, Luna, me, problem?

"I don't see why you would think that."

>Look, maybe I'm being paranoid. I'm paranoid sometimes, I admit that.

'I can confirm, she is paranoid sometimes.'

>Little paranoid... so, it's just when every other crossroad is met with a strange toll booth who will only talk to Angels, I notice a pattern.

"There is that, have to admit."

'Distinct pattern, but it fits the area.'

>Right, yes, lore makes a little sense... but then all these toll booths only go by, and this is where the snag comes in, bargaining.

"See no problems there."

'Could be fantastic for free travel in late game.'

>Right, yes... but while real me is a great bargainer, and you both know this-

'Confirmed. Has kept me out of debt, I'll admit that.'

"A strength of yours, to be sure."

>-but GAME me is... lacking in that department. What with my comically bad charisma score.

"I can also confirm this, it is comical."

'My. Sides.'

>So, it kind of feels like she's deliberately doing the thing that will make me most annoyed.

[AND LO, DID THE WEARY TRAVELERS COME ACROSS A NEW STRETCH OF LAND! A land... of bug zappers! But what fortune that none of them in the party were BUGS, that would have ended badly! Indeed, they shall traverse this unharmed, for it is better to be a pony, not a bug.]

"Thanks, Luna!"

'Yeah, we needed a break.'

>...

"Oh, right, your question...Nah, just being paranoid."

'It's fine.'

>...she does know what a 'harlot' is, right?

"The way she uses it on you brings it into question, actually."

'Yeah, one thing you're kinda not is promiscuous.'

"Or a prostitute."

[AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHHHHHHH!]

>....

[Sorry, we have just heard a spectacular joke!]

>...

"Just being paranoid."

'Terrible trait, I tell you.'

>...The moment I get out of here...

[And lo, I said to thee... bring it.]

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>Fleetfoot
"Pommel"
'???'
~???~
~~~~~

This had been going on for a while.

To be precise, it was mostly-

Zip!

Zip!

Zip!

And a whole lot of frustration.

>You are really bad at this.

She was not helping.

"USELESS ASS TELEKINETIC POWERS!"

>Yeah, funny thing about that I noticed-

Zip!

>-you unicorns need to get a 'lock' on something before you can grab it-

Zip!

>-like, you know, regular reflexes. But when you can't, well...

WHOOSH!

Zip!

>Mostly that, yeah. You just grab at air, like you would anything else. Because you are sloooooowwwwwwww.

WHOOSH!

Zip!

"WILL YOU HOLD STILL!"

>Okay.

"AH HA! Now I can-"

Zip!

"I thought you said you'd hold still!?"

>I did. For two seconds. Need to specific a time if you want more, saggy-ass.

"My ass is toned and perfected, thank you!"

>No, MY ass is toned and perfected, you work on upper body, we work on whole body. You need to fix that to get the hind legs going. Like Soarin, or Lightning Dust, or even Applejack. All prime examples of 'dat ass'. You, sadly, are saggy.

"..."

Zip!

"SON OF A-"

>Did you get her? Wow, that varmit sure can fly, can't she?

He tried to backhoof the mare behind him, but, alas, too slow.

"You are seriously pissing me off."

>And you are boring me. Maybe we can somehow combine those two into a sad indifference.

"NGH!"

WHOOSH!

...

"...No fucking way..."

The mare underneath the butterfly net kept floating, her forelegs crossed in front of her and that same look on her face.

He only let a little bit of smugness shine through.

"Okay, before you even start? Do not even pretend you can out muscle me."

>Uh huh.

"And by the by? This isn't a normal net. I picked this right here for a reason. Why? This is the kind of net we use to hold down things with claws. Sharp claws. Very, very sharp claws, like... in the interest of not being racist, I will stop that."

>Listening in.

"And also... I can punch really, really hard."

Pointedly, he slowly dragged her towards him, until he could see into that mesh net and into her very soul, it seemed.

"So, for all your disrespect and little antics, I'm only going to say this once... apologize, and maybe I'll be somewhat nice when I tell this to our superiors."

Smoothly, the mare reached inside of her skintight outfit, and pulled something out.

Slowly, she seemed to poke what at first appeared to be a little stick through its confines, but the moment it reached a certain threshold, it seemed to unravel, becoming instead...

A little white flag.

"Thaaaat's much, much, much better-"

>Hey, buddy? Might wanna take this.

He caught it in his hoof just after it dropped. Holding it up with just a little bit of pride.

"Well, since you surrendered, I-"

>Oh no, no no no, no no no no no no noooooooooo.

"..."

>...That's for you.

He sighed, and prepared to start punching her until the stupid all came out.

Zip!

"...That isn't you."

The mare still inside the net agreed, nonverbally of course.

The zipping sound also agreed.

"Who..."

ZIP!

'HistupidhiFleetfootheyyoulookin'fineinthatshouldgetawholenetcostumewellsorrycan'ttalkwithstupidGOTTAGO!'

The captain turned in the direction of where the voice had gone... A fatal mistake.

For, due to his lack of time to turn all the way around, he barely had any time to react to the thunder of hundreds of hooves on the ground from behind him, from whence the flying thing had come.

All he was granted time for, in the briefest of moments... was to wave that tiny little white flag.

It did nothing.

~GET THAT ASSHOLE!~

~I'M GONNA EAT HIM ALIIIIIIIVE!~

~I'M NOT GOING TO GO THAT FAR BUT I WILL PROBABLY HIT HIM OR SOMETHING, I HAVEN'T DECIDED!~

~IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS, MINE INVOLVES HOT SAUCE!~

~I ADMIRE YOUR CREATIVITYBRAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!~

~ROARING NOISES!~

~TEAR HIIIIM... APAAAARRRRRRTTT!~

The mare watched disinterestedly as the stampede consumed him, and soon her vision was nothing but a seemingly never ending trail of changelings.

Soon, they too were gone, and the hoof twitching on the ground clutched only a broken, shattered stick that had once been attached to a net.

>...Huh, he's right, I would look pretty good in a material like this. Ha! Oh, that horndog, can you believe he once hurt himself because he was ogling some cheerleaders? Oh, he's just incorrigible.... whelp!

She tossed the net off herself, floating over the pained, groaning stallion on the ground.

>Got things to do now... See ya!

ZIP!

"...t-this.... means... waaarrrrrrr...."

So enraged at her retreating form, he never noticed her smile.

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~~~~~

"Well, looky who we found!"

The 'not a barbarian like she should be' princess had a smile as wide as the nile as she walked to the fountain in the middle of the town square, shuffling past the NPC's that moved about with robotic grace and a lack of real reaction to her presence. Behind her, the companions of Dash, Pinkie and Eighteen were likewise nothing but grins and smiles as they came upon the figure sitting at the edge of the town.

"Darrrrlings! And here I thought you would never make it!... Do wave to them, Poindexter, it would be rude otherwise."

Beside her, the pony in question just grumbled, angrily eying the jewels she had hanging off her, ones which she not so subtly rubbed over her coat at his glances.

"What's his problem?"

"Oh, the poor thing just dropped a couple items in a sprint. Poor thing, he didn't manage to get them back before some dashing thing plucked them all up."

"Ah."

"HA! That's what I'm talking about!"

Though she found the concept of the 'bro-hoof' to be rather uncouth, she nonetheless reciprocated the gesture.

"Ya'll the only ones who made it so far?"

"Oh, I'm afraid so. We always were ahead of the curve, were we not?... By we, I mean me."

There was a sound, something like a squeak, but none of them paid it any mind.

"So, how much longer until they get here?"

"FOUR SECONDS!"

Every head turned just in time to watch something crash into the ceiling of one of the adjacent to their placement. The shape painfully bounced from that ceiling, and came down with a pathetic splash in the middle of the fountain directly behind the pair of rogue and Ironshod.

"EEK! MY DRESS!"

"Yayyyy, rain on my parade some more why don't you."

A single, determined hoof erupted from the water, dragging a heavy armor clad body from it's watery embrace. A massive axe clanked on stone as it emerged, but no matter how sharp it looked, none were under the delusion it was the most dangerous thing right there.

That honor went to the pissed off purple pony princess who looked like she was about to set fire to the whole town... with her mind.

She could do it too.

"Twilight? What on equestria are you doing, darling? That is terrible garb for a mage class!... Come to think of it..."

Everyone in the group rocked their heads back and forth between the two princess of orange and lavender.

The answer hit them slower than they would have liked to admit.

"Oh dear, I take it there was a mixup?"

"More like there was a dang interferin' dungeonmaster who don't know nothin' bout nobody but think she's gotta decide everythin' about everybody even when they don't want it cause she ain't nobody but everybody's thing!"

Slowly, Rarity's eyes began to cross.

"What?"

SCRRRRAAPPPPPEEEEEE!... SCRRRAAPPPPPEEEEEE!

"GAH!"

They covered their ears, but it did nothing to staunch the horrible sound of metal on stone.

"She means that Luna might have some issues she needs worked out... with a sledgehammer."

Everyone was on edge, instinctively in battle mode when they saw the emerging shape of some kind of dark armored soldier of the abyss, positively oozing with dark magic and horrible power.

Were it not for the deadpanned, unhappy look on Spike's face, they probably would have attacked.

They were still considering it. If only to put him out of his obvious misery.

"Wow, uh... cool duds, Spike?"

"Not by choice, I assure you."

"Well I should hope so! You look nothing like my heroic Spikey-wikey!"

"...Ah' kinda like it..."

"No no no, this will not do at all! I will have to use all of my monk skills to weave him a new set of armor!"

"Rar? Ya' don't weave armor-"

"I WILL FIND A WAY!"

"Let's just... ugh, let's just get this over with."

"Awwww, come on Spike! That's no way to look at it!"

The pink pony, sensing a hint of displeasure, vaulted over her friends to land right next to the despondent dragon.

"We're on an adventure! We're out doing cool stuff! Sure, it's not the best situation, but we've got a ton more left to do! We've just gotta get out there, and really have some FUN with it, you know?"

"..."

"...Your cursed armor is infecting my arm, isn't it?"

"Might wanna let go before the plus six damage starts taking effect."

"...Ohhhh~, come on Spiiike, put on on a happy faaaace~ because you know we should be filled with glee cause we're here on this grand old taallllle!"

"Grand oooollllld TAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLEEEEE~!"

Glass shattered as a sickeningly sweet soprano rang throughout the land, somehow making everyone feel a touch better and more energized despite the handicap of everyone being sure their ears were seconds from rupture.

"...Sorry, everyone! Fairy's are obligated to join in on musical numbers!"

The pair of Cadence and Forty Two fluttered to the ground, one a bit more softly than the other obviously, before effortlessly merging into the group.

"...Huh... are ponies part fairy?"

"Well, there is legend of the flutterpony out there that-"

"NEVERMIND!"

"Point taken... hey, where's Shiny at?"

"Ain't seen him yet."

"But he should be showing up annnnnny minute now!"

The world went silent.

"...Any minute now!"

They remained, even as the party loving pony looked left and right with reckless abandon.

"...ANY!... MINUTE!.... NOW!"

Five minutes.

A solid, empty, awkward five minutes followed.

"...SON OF A-"

"Pinkie! Language! You can't curse around an angel!"

"...Ah ahaha, aha, you're so funny-WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"What did I just say!?"

Everyone looked on in awe, and maybe a little other stuff in the somewhat shameful case of several of the group, as a luminous trio walked up to them.

A luminous trio wearing very, very little.

...Repeat, a TRIO, wearing very, very little.

"...DAMN."

Pinkie was not one to timberwolf whistle at any passing pony that caught her fancy, but even she had to admit, Celestia, Shining and Chrysalis were rocking that garb something harsh.

Subtly, Forty Two found herself in agreement, not that she could so much as nod in response with as rock still as she had grown.

Not subtly at all, Eighteen DID nod in agreement, and maybe drooled a little.

"Yeah, yeah, we know. My paladin armor got burned off 'accidentally' because SOMEONE decided not to tell me of the fire-moth larva trap!"

To everyone's surprise, it was Celestia who shrugged.

"If I have to look like this, I'd prefer if I had some company.."

"Just be thankful you charged us up enough we could save you."

Bitterly, Shining Armor grumbled.

Not at all bitterly, not even a little, Cadence's head sloooowly tilted to the side, and she found herself subconsciously licking her lips.

"...leemme see that..."

"Did you say something, honey?"

"NOTHING!... No, wait a minute! I married him! I can totally-"

Much to the endless despair of the stallion, before that revelation could take hold a thunderbolt lit up the sky, and a booming cackle rang out through the land.

"It is time."

In a place none of them could see, surrounded by glowing buttons and shining lights, the starry maned princess smiled with a ferocity that would give a hungry dragon pause.

She had been patient, very nice, very understanding as they all became adjusted to their new surroundings, but it was finally time to make a move.

The princess of the night eagerly rubbed her hooves together, so quickly she feared it might spark with the friction. But she could not care for the fires of reality, not when the fires within are so much more... tantalizing.

"THOU HAVE REACHED THE APEX, THE START OF THE JOURNEY! AT LAST THOU HAVE ALL GATHERED HERE, IN THIS PLACE! AND THINE DESTINY MAY BEGIN! YOU-"

"HOOOOLD IT!"

Many a time, Luna had to remind herself not to smite the annoying orange princess.


"We ain't all here! Shinin's little followers are, but count 'em. Rarity, Twilight, Pinkie, Dash, Spike, Me.. annnnnd..."

"Um..."

Like dominos falling over, every head was turned downwards, off to the side in the direction where several of them had come from.

Confusion took over all of them as they looked around, not seeing where the familiar voice had emerged. It wasn't until, at last, someone had the idea not to look for a garish outfit that they noticed.

"Oh! There she is! Hi Fluttershy!... Why are you dressed in rags?"

That Cadence, a pony of the peoples, she was.

The sheepish, meek thing threw back her hood, letting her smile shine through as she waved to all her friends.

"Hi everybody!"

"...Fluttershy? Wha... why didn't ya' say anythin'!?"

"Why would I? That would be out of character."

"Character!? What character are you?"

"I'm a pony!"

"Ah' got that, what class?"

"Peasant."

A silence fell down upon them all.

"...Peasant is a class?'

"Yep! No bonuses to race, stamina, or anything at all really!"

"...so... so why'd ya'll..."

"ENOUGH CHATTER!"

A lightning bolt struck down, shaking them all from their stares.

"FOR YOU SEE... A GREAT EVIL HAS FALLEN UPON THE LAND! THE DARK LORDS OF ICE AND FIRE HAVE REIGNED IN THIS LAND, CONQURED THE SURROUNDING AREAS AND BROUGHT HORROR TO ALL THAT THEY SURVEY! YOU, BRAVE HEROES! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO END THE WAR OF FROST AND FLAME! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO SAVE THIS LAND... OR LEAVE IT IN DESTRUCTION! BOTH MUST BE DEFEATED, OR ONE SHALL REIGN FOREVER!"

"Okkkayyyyy, so... how do we do this?"

"THAT IS FOR YOU TO FIND OUT! FOR YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS.... NOW!"

...

"...NOW!... NOW!... NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW- THANK YOU!"

The world became a wall of wind to them all. Striking down from the heavens like twin blades of thunder, tornadoes as wide as a castle landed upon the screaming crowd, sucking them up with a deadly torrent. They shrieked as they were lifted from the ground, the wind in their ears failing to drown out the booming laughter of the princesses craw.

"NOW, YOUNG HEROES, WHO SHALL YOU FACE? WHAT SHALL YOU DO? THE CHOICE... IS YOURS!... or so you think... AHHAHA...AHAHHAAH!... AHAHHAAHHAHAH! AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

The world became a blur, and soon, they were gone.

~~~~~~

"...well, that there wasn't pleasant."

The alicorn mage groaned, tossing an errant branch off her form, and 'accidentally into the cyan pegasi warrior next to her. Said cyan peagsi glared as soon as the yellow pony lifted the branch off.

"No, no it was not."

"Wow, that's one way to get us going!"

"Pinkie? Do be quiet, darling."

"Well, guess the adventure's on. Twilight? You want to take the lead on this one like old times?"

"Yeah, Twilight! What do we do?"

"...Twilight?"

"Twi? Ya' okay?"

"...Twilight?"

"...Um..."

~~~~~~~

"OKAY! FOR THE RECORD... THONGS ARE A BAD IDEA!"

Everyone winced at the high pitch of the stallions voice, all looking away awkwardly as he cut himself down.

"I liked them."

"... me too."

"You say something, Forty Two?"

"I said, it is time to get going! Isn't that right majesty!... Majesty?"

"HE WAS SO RIGHT!"

"SO! SO VERY RIGHT!"

"Oooo~, ouch."

Everyone winced when they saw both white and black tall equines dangling from a likewise position.

"Hey, wait a minute... did she separate us?"

"It seems she did."

"That jerk! She must've split us into our 'groups'!"

"Hey! I'm not complaining. Finally, I can spend time with my buddy again! This is not something I'm complaining about."

"I am! I was going to hang out with my sister in law! I don't even like Poindexter!"

"Um..."

"...yay!"

~~~~~~~~~

In the control room, Luna just... stared.

She stared at the two groups, which she had so carefully planned around. At the two groups who needed to be their own certain way in order for her plan to work.

Her story which, right now... was kind of going up in flames.

For there was a lavender alicorn, and there was a dull earth pony.

In EXACTLY the wrong places.

"....CONFOUNDED TECHNOLOGY!""

She cursed to the heavens, even though deep down... she knew it was her fault.

Alone, with no one around, she allowed herself an indulgence that she never would in company. She never wanted any to know she would speak like this.

Despite this, she was pretty sure the whole castle heard when she called out-

"MOOOOOOTTTTTTHEEEEEEEEER FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"

At last, the journey had truly begun.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
~~~~~

Above the earth, it began to form. To take shape. To become from what was nothing.

It bubbled, it crumbled, it shone with an ivory light.

An object, as big as a house, took form.

And it aimed right.
Down.
At.
Her.

"I warned you... LANGUAGE!"

It was cast.

And Luna would never see it coming.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >???
"???"
~~~

>Helloooooo...

In a dark, dim room, a figure sat hunched over her desk, peering out over the readouts splayed out in front of her face. Numbers that made sense to her, and only her, trailed down in front of her narrowed eyes, eyes hat grew wider and more interested with every scanned line.

>This is.. very interesting...

Her lip curled back into a grin as wicked as there ever was one, sure to show off fangs if only she had them to display. Yet, even without them, her look was no less dangerous.

>...Roughshod!

The tiny steel box beside her crackled to life, relaying a weary, distinctly male voice.

"Yes, ma'am?"

>...Plan Zeta.

"Are you sur-"

The voice cut off as she ended the connection, and that was that. It would be done, she knew. Or there would be... consequences.

>...Well, Princess, I sure hope you're having fun on your little... 'trip'. I mean that, I really do. But oh, don't worry, I'm not mad at all, no. Sure, it's a day late...

The room around her exploded in light, and the shark like smile of Pennydrop glimmered as she looked over the machines standing at attention in front of her.

>All of that wonderful, wonderful data in your computer is the best hearth's warming present I ever received.

She had a goal.

She had a plan.

...And she was going to have a ball.

>Time to call in a favor.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
~~~~

>...hey, yeah, guys? Guys with the guns? I'm calling in a favor... yeah... yeah that... no no, they're all occupied.... yep, wonderbolts and guard included... uh huh.... yep... mwhaahaha to you too.... okay, see you there... MWHAHAHAHAH~

~~~~~~~LATER~~~~~~~~

>WOOOOOOOOO!

'OH SWEET MERCY! SHE'S RIDING A JET SKI!... IN THE MIDDLE OF CANTERLOT!'

>FROZEN OR NOT STILL WATER BABY WOOOOOOO!

'Drinking champagne AND eating all those bonbons over water!? OH MY LORD I'M COMING DOWN WITH THE VAPORS!'

>RIIIIIGHT INTO... THE DANGER ZOOOOONE!

'AND NOW SHE'S SINGING KENNY LOGGINS!'

'THE HORROR!'

'THERE IS NO FAINTING COUCH BIG ENOUGH!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC OMAKE!
>Spike
“Rarity”
‘AJ’
(Twi)
“Spike, Darling I take it you don’t like your armor?”
>...How’d you guess?
“Now, now, no need to get snippy. For you see, at the moment I more or less AM a suit of armor.
>Are you saying what I think you’re saying?
“Yes darling, I want you…inside me….”
‘WHAT!?’
(Spike! Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!)
>What are you talking about, I see nothing wrong with this….huh, funny scale feeling. Well, let’s do this.
“I thought you’d never ask…now strip, and we shall become ONE!”
‘MAGIC MISSLE! MAGIC MISSLE! GAL’ DURN IT HOWDO YOU MKE THIS WORK!?’
(CAN’T. LIFT. AXE…TO STOP!)
“Mmmmm That feels nice. You fill me all the way up spikey-wikey. Do you like filling all of my holes?”
>Well that’s kind of an awkard way to put it, but yeah, it feels pretty comfortable. Hey, think we get a bonus to strength or constitution by combining like this?
“Darling please, you have all the power and stamina you need, you should focus more on dexterity.”
>Huh. So you think I should try dual wielding?
“Oh my….I do hope the rumors are true”
>Rumors? Rarity what are you talking about?
‘GLKRAGLGLKK’
>And why is AJ on the floor foaming at the mouth?
(Like OHMAGOSH you two! Get a room….so I can watch)
>And twilight is repressing so hard she reverted to valley girl….did I miss something?
“Don’t worry darling, I’ll teach you all you need to know”
>o…k? Kinda worried now.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC Continuation
>Cele
"luna"

>Sister, Do Something!

"We already hit record, and shall happily make you a copy. What more dost thou desire?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake

>Pommel
"32"

>Unngh...

"Not doing to much better than me then, hm?"

>Unnngh...

"Hmm...trampled by changelings after being made someone's personal rube versus drunken misanthropy-misinsecty?- kind of seems like you got the shorter end of the stick."

>Unnnngh...

"You killed an eldritch abomination, right? Not like...a goldfish? Because this level of incompetence is making you seem like a biiiiit of a fibber."

>Fuck...yoooou...

"Thought you'd never ask."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake
>Lavan
"Literally Everyone"

>Can I be a thing yet?

"FUCK NO!"

>Ok.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>Soarin'
"Fleetfoot"
~~~~

>Okay, we're ready on your part, right?

"Right!"

>Got the bubblewrap?

"And the pink goo! All of the pink goo."

>And we've also got the fireballs?

"SO COLD!"

>Alright, and we are ready to go! We're totally ready to...

>GETBACKATDASH
"GETLAID!"

>...

"..."

>...wait, what?

"You, uh... you didn't know we were just doing this to get laid?"

>...

"...Huh."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>Poindexter
~~~

>Well, this is just great! I should have figured, you know? I really should have figured it out that of COURSE I would end up with you guys! Of course I would! How else was this going to end but with me in a group of nothing but super hot mares who for once AREN'T trying to jump Shiny's bones!.... wait a minute, WHY AM I COMPLAINING!?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________