Lady of the Mountain [DTFG]

Mar 19th, 2017
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  1. Lady of the Mountain: A Game of War.
  3. >“My lady,” a meek scratchy voice calls out to you.
  4. >You yawn and snort in the direction of the sound.
  5. >”Intruders holding us hostage in main cavern. Th-that is, the honor guard. Is… ”
  6. >You ignore him, rolling over to scratch an unyielding scaley hide.
  7. >Yep, still a dragon.
  8. >The talking stops and you open your eyes to gaze at the kobold, Jakrur, you think his name was.
  9. >His eyes are pried shut, the overly large iron pot on his head clanking against other bits of ramshackle armor, probably thinking you’re going to kill him or something for waking you up.
  10. “Yeah, yeah.” you drone, flicking the kobold in the chest with a claw, making an audible clang against his pan cuirass.
  11. >He was saying something about the honor guard and some hostage situation, you think.
  12. >It’ll probably be another boring problem you’ll resolve in one minute.
  13. >Wasn’t the honor guard supposed to guard you?
  14. >Not that it matters, you’re pretty sure you’ve killed at least six of them.
  15. >On accident of course.
  16. >You’re not some blood thirsty bastard just because you’re a dragon.
  17. >Still, they don’t seem to mind too much, so you don’t feel too bad about it.
  18. “Fine, I’ll take care of it.” you groan, rubbing the last bit of sleep from your eyes. “I should be up trying to figure out how to get home anyways.”
  19. >”Ahh, yes!” Jakrur perks up, scampering along in front of you. “This way, my lady.”
  20. >How long exactly had you been asleep?
  21. >Your collection of shiny objects, gems, and random knick knacks seems to have grown three-fold and you make a visible effort climbing over the pile of gems you were napping on.
  22. >Stretching your wings out as far as they’ll go, and curving your back, you hear a pop and sigh in content.
  24. >You think you’re not full grown yet, judging by the size of these kobolds, who are about a head short of your waist area. And you’re glad for it, or stretching this way would be impossible.
  25. >Passing by another smaller cavern, you come across four sheep playing poker on a cobbled wooden table.
  26. >”Hey, ‘Non. More trouble from the ‘bolds?” Kevin bleats, placing down his cards to wave at you.
  27. You give him a half hearted wave back.
  28. “Yeah, something about the honor guard.” You snort, a bit of flame getting expelled. “Why are you guys still here?”
  29. >They all pause and swallow anxiously.
  30. >You probably sounded more sinister than you meant to what with your low voice and S’s dragging out, if only a little bit.
  31. >”I… uhh, Figured me an’ the lads would hang around a bit longer. Much nicer here without some stetsoned cunt and her dog herdin’ us around like sheep at bloody breakfast.”
  32. >”But we are sheep, ain’t we?” Jessi adds in.
  33. >Everyone ignores him.
  34. >”Or tries herdin' us when we’re trying to take a wallop of a crap,” adds Liam.
  35. >”Hey now. That’s no way to talk to our gracious hostess.” Roark barks, knocking Liam on the head with a cup.
  36. >Liam then headbuts, Roark into the limestone, the other sheep quickly joining in.
  37. >You chuckle at their antics.
  38. >Maybe some extra company that isn’t kobold will be a welcome addition.
  39. >You clear your throat, causing them to pause again and look up at you.
  40. “If the candle wears out, I think I have some in my hoard somewhere you can take. Don’t really need them myself. Low light vision and all.”
  41. >He blinks in surprise. “Y-your hoard? You don’t mind us going through there?”
  42. ”Nahh, to be honest, I really don’t care for, whatever the hell any of this is supposed to be” You gesture to the cave in general. “And you seem cool enough.”
  43. >He looks over to his other buddies who shrug back at him. ”Well, if you’re sure, ‘Non. Thanks!”
  45. >You grunt at him and continue onwards. It seems your servant has left without you, not even bothering to check if you followed.
  46. >No matter, you’ve been stuck down here for about two weeks now and can navigate around most of the main caverns.
  47. >Finally reaching your destination, you slither into your granite throne and try to look as regal as you possibly can, being a half grown lizard.
  48. >Jakrur and four other kobolds crawl out of the darkness to your side, pointing crude spears at the... intruders?
  49. >In front of you are colorful ponies, a tinier purple kobold, and your honor guard being held in some weird magenta bubble.
  50. >A white one, for some reason has light emitting from its horn. Ahh, a unicorn.
  51. >Kobolds, Sheep, and now Ponies have graced you with a visit. You didn’t know you were quite the cosmopolitan.
  52. >Wait, is that magic? Are these adventurers just like the ones from your tabletops?
  53. >Maybe they can help you with your whole dragon problem.
  54. >”Are you the leader of these… tiny dragons?” the purple one shouts, taking a defensive stance as she steps forward.
  55. “Kobolds, actually” you correct.
  56. >”Kobolds. Okay.” She breaths out. “So you’re the leader of these Kobolds?”
  57. >”I suppose,” you lay back into your seat, trying to get comfortable. “You seem to have one yourself,” you say, pointing to tiny purple.
  58. >The Kobold in question slinks down when you look at him. “I-I’m a dragon too!”
  59. >”You don’t look it. Very small. You don’t even have wings.”
  60. >He looks over himself, frowning.
  61. >Great. You gave an infant dragon an existential crisis.
  62. >Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Better sooner than later.
  63. >”You’re… pushing him on me. Want me to be a mother to him? Is that what this is about? What did he do, get overly greedy and burn down your village by accident?”
  64. >She seems taken back by your barrage of questions.
  66. >”No... yes, but no. He’s my assistant.”
  67. >You lean forward, eyes lighting up in the darkness.
  68. >That sounds like a story. How much damage could a little dragon cause to a village?
  69. ”Anyways,” Purple peaks interrupting you from her thoughts. ”We’ve a long way on behalf of-”
  70. A chunk of your elbow rest breaks off as you lean into it and crushes Jakrur, probably killing him instantly.
  71. >Lucky seven.
  72. >The ponies stopped and are frozen in horror.
  73. >They look way more concerned than they should be.
  74. “Go on,” you encourage.
  75. >”We… We’ve come on behalf of ponyville to put a stop to your thievery”.
  76. ”Thievery...” you muse, looking down at your captured kobolds. Of course they had to be getting all this random shit from somewhere.
  77. >”I’ll have a talk with my kobolds about it.”
  78. >The purple one opens her mouth again to speak but stops herself, probably surprised at how well her diplomatic mission is going.
  79. ”Is that all?”
  80. >”You should give back everything else that you’ve stolen.” The white one shouts, now more bold at how agreeable you seem.
  81. >Yeah, just give your hoard to a bunch of random adventurers, who will totally give each and everything back to their rightful owners.
  82. >And you were born yesterday.
  83. >”Absolutely not,” you growl.
  84. >Even if you could trust them, your bro needs those candles.
  85. >”Hey, yer lucky we ain’t draggin’ you out onto the farm and makin’ you work yer scales off to repay the sheep for their lost ones,” The orange one, yells.
  87. >So she’s the stetsoned cunt with the dog Kev was going on about.
  88. >Your expression goes from slightly amused to grim in an instant.
  89. >”And you need to pay for Fluttershy’s chicken you stole and ate.” A rainbow haired one adds.
  90. >You didn’t get a chicken from your kobolds.
  91. >One of the kobolds in the bubble as if on cue burps loudly, feathers comically fluttering out of it’s mouth.
  92. >Of course.
  93. ”Well, I’ll be glad to.” You lazily lay back into your chair once more. “But I’m in a bit of a predicament myself and need help from benevolent adventurers, such as yourself. One that will surely put great riches in your pockets.”
  94. >They look to each other in confusion.
  95. >“We’ll... we’re always helping a friend in need!” The purple one exclaims. “That is, if you’re willing to be our friend.”
  96. “Hmm, yes. I need you to go on a grand journey across the plains and valleys. There you will find a great mountain that even dwarfs my own.” It’s their turn to lean in, listening intently as you go on. “On the very top of this mountain lies a place where you can go fuck yourselves.”
  97. >They all collectively reel back in offense.
  98. ”Now, If that’s all, then you’ve well overstayed your welcome. Keep those you have captured as prisoners of war or whatever.”
  99. >”W-war?” Purple sputters having what looks to be a mental break down.
  100. >That ought to bring some entertainment.
  101. ”Yes, war.” you snort, sliding off of your seat to make your way back into the cavern.
  102. >Purple doesn’t seem keen on stopping you, so you don't.
  103. >If there’s magic here then there has to be some other magic means to get back home.
  104. >In the meantime, poker sounds like a much better way to kill time than sleeping.
  106. Lady of the Mountain Part 2: The One Knight Stand.
  108. >You squint your eyes, hissing under your breath as you stare down your prey.
  109. >No, opponent.
  110. >He's been able to outmaneuver your human cunning thus far.
  111. >Taking in a sharp breath, through clenched teeth, you throw down your hand.
  112. ”Fuck it, I’m out,”
  113. >Liam lets out a hearty chuckle, putting down his cards to grab at the random trinkets you lost.
  114. >One pair, something you need to grow before playing with these guys.
  115. >You wince at your own inside banter, still feeling insecure about being a female dragon.
  116. >"I'm tellin' ya 'Non. Your face reads like a book." Liam, chuckles, the other sheep quickly joining in on the laughter.
  117. >You slam your claw down into the cobbled wooden table, smashing the feeble thing into two, flames threatening to shoot out of your open muzzle.
  118. "That's horse shit and you know it," you spit out, causing your little sheep friends to go deathly silent as they tremble and stare at you with widened eyes.
  119. >Are you actually getting worked up?
  120. >Yesterday, you were thinking of ways to get rid of some of that stuff.
  121. >You chuckle to diffuse the tension, the sheep, one by one starting to laugh with you.
  122. >Still, at the very thought of leaving your wealth, the pit of your stomach turns sour.
  123. >If you could get cold sweats you're sure you would.
  124. >Not only that, but the longer you sit around, the more sleepy and complacent you seem to feel.
  125. >...Maybe you need to get some sun.
  126. >"Point made." Liam laughs nervously. "Fer a second I thought you were really angry."
  128. >"Yeah, 'Non" Kevin bleets. “Ya had us goin' there,” leaning over in his stool to pat you on the back.
  129. >A large crash, followed by the sound of galloping and screaming kobolds cut through the laughter, causing you to jump up, wings spread outward.
  130. >Kevin falls backwards into the floor with an audible "oof" after being knocked by one of your wings.
  131. >Reaching out to help him up, your minds starts to blank out, feeling more and more light headed by the second.
  132. >You leave him hanging, jerking your arm back as the vibrations of the sounds work it's way up the membrane of your wings.
  133. "Protect. Treasure." you whisper under your breath, bolting towards the sound on all fours.
  134. >You inhale and exhale deeply as you walk, trying to clear up your head.
  135. >Thoughts drift back to the pony adventuring party from yesterday.
  136. >Were you really reluctant to give up your treasure because you thought they were being greedy?
  137. >Or were you projecting?
  138. >Reaching the largest cavern connected to the entrance, you're met with a single off-white pony unicorn, clad in shimmering silver armor and a bunch of beaten and bruised kobolds.
  139. >Noticing you, he smiles smugly, squaring off his posture. "I've cometh to rescue the fair maiden being held captive in this cave." He announces. "These creatures of thyne art no match in the visage of good and justice. "
  140. >You blink the last remnants of your anger away at that, letting your wings fall lazily.
  141. >As far as you know, while far from fair, with your glistening brass scales, you're the only maiden in this cave.
  142. "Ohh thank fuck," you breath out "I thought I was going to go crazy down here."
  143. >The stallion looks you up and down with stern features.
  144. "Look, if you could use that unicorn magic of yours to help me find my way back-"
  145. >"Silence beast." he calls out, stopping a hoof. Rude. "I shall not fall for thy ruses 'r playeth thy mind games."
  146. >What?
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