Bloodswap Cucaloma fic

"Oh my god," Paloma growled. "Are you *still* out here?"

"Yes! An' I'm not fuckin' leavin' until you hear me out!" Cucali stood at her doorstep, banging on Paloma's cavehive door. She let her hands fall to her sides as the door opened and Paloma glared up at her.

"You won't use that vulgar language around *me*, lowblood. Now speak your case and get out."

"How could you just fuckin' - just - how could you abandon me?!" Cucali was shaking. "You can't just leave me after everything we've done together!"

Paloma's response was cool. "Watch me."

She slammed the door shut.

"No! Fuck you, listen to me! I know you liked hanging out with me, okay?! So just unblock me already and let's talk! Let's just... talk, okay?!"

There was only silence from behind the door. Cucali sat down at the doorstep and folded her arms.

"Well I'm not leavin'! You can just fuckin' deal with my voice, you heartless bastard!" And she kept up a long line of diatribe which Paloma listened to as she leant against the other side of the door. The seadweller sighed.

It wasn't like she was listening because she was interested in Cucali or anything. She just wanted to know when the idiot finally left!

But Cucali didn't leave. The hours stretched on, and finally Paloma flung the door open with such force that it sent Cucali flying to the floor.

"O, okay, okay! Just stop your stupid nattering! I can't *think* over that cheese grater you call a voice!"

Paloma didn't mention how she was worried Cucali would stay there until dawn if she didn't come out. Because she wasn't. She just wanted the girl to leave.

Cucali picked herself up off of the ground, brushing herself off. "Look, you don't have to like me like that, right? I get that. You've made it abundi-fuckin'-lantly clear."

"Language."

"Whatever. But I know you enjoy hanging out with me! So just stop pushin' me away already!"

"What," Paloma said, her voice deadpan, "do you expect to achieve, lowblood?"

"I want to be your friend, you goddamn idiot!"

Paloma reached out, there, and grabbed Cucali by the collar. She pulled her in and down, staring into her eyes. "Let me explain in simple words. I'm a problem fixer. I fix problems. Now what do you think is going to happen if I go making friends with every fecal smear which waltzes up to my doorstep crying, 'let's be pals!'?"

She shoved Cucali away.

"You should understand this, mercenary."

"That's hoofshit and you know it! I have friends just fine!"

"Good for you. Enjoy choosing between your work and your little scumblooded buddies."

"They're not fuckin' scumbloods!"

"Oh, I'm *sorry*." Paloma's voice was acerbic. "I missed the memo about the spectrum change. Please accept my *humble* apologies."

"You're a fuckin' bitch!" Cucali's voice shook. "Why the fuck am I even tryin' with you?!"

"... a word of advice." Paloma turned away, hand on the doorknob. "You shouldn't try."

As she closed the door, she added: "You'll be happier if you leave."