PS

I don't know if I've turned into an extremely cynical person or if I have some sort of paranoid schizophrenia.

I keep thinking everyone has some sort of alterior motive and that people are secretly laughing behind my back. I try to tell myself maybe that isn't the case but my mind wants to believe it so badly.

I distance myself from people in fear that something bad will happen eventually and I don't know if that's the right thing to do

I really can't tell if I'm just traumatized from past experiences or something really bad is happening to me

I'm reluctant to seek a professional, they might just prescribe me useless pills like they have in the past with depression (I'm not taking any sort of medications right now and I'm putting drinking to a minimum)