This is the story of a horrible, horrible place. A place that even the devil himself would like nothing else than to run away from, the place that keeps god awake at night, the place that drives a human insane after one glimpse into it. It’s said the ninth level of hell would be a more pleasant experience than this place, but that’s still up to debate. This is the story of…

ONE PIECE: EMERALD!








A long time ago, I myself once ventured onto this place, stumbling inside of it like a drunkard to his home. I’m not entirely sure why I visited, maybe out of some sort of horrid curiosity to see how much torture and pain I could take. Looking back at my horrible mistake, it’s painfully obvious that I was some sort of mentally retarded child from the very moment I clicked “Play”.
The usual happened, and I was thrust into the fresh hell this “game” had to offer me. Thinking it to be another OPO copy, I grinned loudly and set out like some sort of disabled bumblebee, thinking I’d become king of the world soon enough.


How wrong I was. What I met was the breaking of friendships, the pain of loss and SALT. More salt than the fucking ocean, to be exact. It wasn’t even all of my own salt, the community of this game was comparable to the fucking Nazi party. Oh yeah, let’s not get started on the HACKERS. Oh, I’m getting off track now young one! Apologies, I’ll keep on with the story of this nightmare of god.

Setting out like the fool I was only let me see how much hell another human could inflict on another human. RKing was as common as the plague, and let’s not get started on the insane power gap between people like Arcerious or whatever the fuck his name is and little old me. You see, after trying to become stronger and get this “dragon combat” which I assumed was Ryusoken (it’s not, just a big slap in the face from god as he smiled his toothy ass grin and yelled “HAH! YOU THOUGHT YOU’D GET SOMETHING GOOD, DIDN’T YOU?!”) I failed miserably as I was violently anally raped by the gods, giants and fucking HACKERS that feed off of the poor souls stumbling into this place like a small child falling into the deep, dark woods without the guidance of a single parent, especially not their father (Hint: he ran the fuck away already).

Getting up again after being used like a toy, I decided “hey, let’s go RK the fuck out of the newbies to get bounty, that’ll totally work!” Turned out the blocking  was glitched and somehow I got hit anyway, causing me to end up dying even more miserably against people who should be weaker than me. I even think I lost against one of them guys with BR in their name, so I guess I really did have some fucking horrible luck.

For some reason that not even the all father knows, I persevered. I was raped, laughed at, killed, and generally cried a lot of salty tears and anger. I think I killed about five people before I got killed by some giant marine fuck who sent me to jail for god knows how long, leaving me time to contemplate my miserable life like that one author who lived his life out in the rain for like five years and then became a millionare, ‘cept he became a millionaire and I just lost like all my bounty. FUN TIMES!

With the tenacity of a fucking honey badger (give me a fucking honey badger zoan dammit) I somehow stuck into the game and kept on trying. The seas wailed in fear as the addition of “rankyaku” now allowed people to three shot you like some sort of insane slave owner from an entirely different island, or at least that’s what it feels like to a slug such as myself. Well, what can you do when you play THE WORST GAME EVER GRRRRR I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU FOR MAKING ME WRITE THIS FANF- Oh, I’m sorry! Got off track again,  hehe…

After months and months of intense running around and crying (like a day or two) I finally… did fuck all? I’m still basically a fucking nobody and I’ll probably still be a nobody for like months and months as the giants and milk drinkers leer on at me like demons from some sort of unknown sector of hell, jabbing at me with their buso and cutlasses like I’m some sort of entertainment for them. Maybe I’ll get strong one day, maybe I’ll stay at the bottom of the food chain like a filthy lobster. Only one thing is for sure though, I fucking hate you all and I’m very salty and I want my fucking devil fruit dammit grr! Oh uh I didn’t mean that sorry it was all the sake, please don’t kill me.

Look bitch give me my fucking buso I worked for like 40 minutes on this dammit

Username is kalamau if that means anything ok