The enchanting tale of Sir Richard (Challenge No.19 entry)

Vanner, March 26, 2013; 09:48 / FB 9907
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The enchanting tale of Sir Richard and his quest to woo Lady Elaine
A fanciful tale for Challenge 19

>Be a the owner of a red male fluffy pony.
>Name him Sir Richard, because why not?
>You're watching your fluffy play in the backyard while chilling with a few beers, when your fluffy wanders into your neighbor's yard.
>His fluffy, Lady Elaine, is standing on the deck, just staring out onto the lawn.
>"Hi Wady Ewaine!" says Sir Richard. "Wan pway?"
>Lady Elaine simply stands there, staring out onto the lawn.
>"Um…" your fluffy bounces up and down, waiting for a response. "Pway? Haf funs?"
>He walks around her a few times before darting off the deck and back into the house.
>He comes back a minute later with a stuffed bear clenched in his teeth.
>"What's that for?" you ask.
>"Wady ewaine smeww weal gud," says Sir Richard. "Gon gif hew spechaw hugs."
>Well, you're pretty sure she's fixed, so who are you to interfere with true love?
>Or animal lust for that matter?
>He waddles over to Lady Elain, and drops the toy at her feet.
>"So… wan huggies?" he asks.
>Lady Elaine just stands there, staring out at the lawn.
>Richard's pacing from hoof to hoof, wracking his tiny brain to think of something else he can do for her.
>"Wichard be wight back," he says before dashing off toward the house again.
>He comes out again, his cheeks puffed out, and kibble dropping from his mouth.
>Sir Richard waddles back over the Lady Elanie and drops the spit covered wad of kibble all over your neighbor's deck.
>"Wicawd bwought nummies!" he says. "Wady Ewaine wan nummies?"
>Lady Elaine just stands there, staring out at the lawn.
>"Um, nu wan nummies?" he says. "Wicawd gif you somethin ewse?"
>Richard dashes off the deck and into the lawn beyond.
>A few minutes later, he return with a mouth full of dandelions, and drops them at Lady Elaine's feet.
>"Bringed you fwowews!" he says, hopefully. "Wady ewaine wike fwowews?"
>Lady Elaine just stands there, staring out at the lawn.
>Sir Richard starts pacing in front of her, and making this weird desperate chirping noise.
>"Nu wan huggies?" he pleads. "Dat okay! Wichawd just wan be fwiend!"
>He dashes back into the house, and comes back dragging every toy he has.
>He drops them all in front of her, show off his blocks, and balls, and sticks, desperately trying to get her to pay any attention to him
>Sir Richard's confident smile drains into a hollow and worried rictus.
>Lady Elaine just stands there, staring out at the lawn.
>"Pwease pway?" he begs. "Wichard jus wan fwuffy wike him! Pwetty fwuffy wan be fwiends?"
>"Wan Wichard dance fow you?" he says, shaking his rump. "Wook at dat! Wichawd dance fow pwetty fwuffy!"
>He really starts gyrating, swinging his hips and standing up on his back legs.
>It's pretty impressive for a fluffy, despite the fact that he keeps falling over.
>This continues for almost twenty minutes, before Richard drops panting to the deck.
>"Wady Eawine wike dancies?" pleads Sir Richard.
>Lady Elaine just stands there, staring out at the lawn.
>It's about then that Sir Richard starts bawling his little eyes out.
>"WHY N WAN BE FWIENDS WIF FWUFFY?" he begs, shaking Lady Elain with all his fluffy might.
>"JUST WAN GIF HUGGIES!" he shrieks. "JUS WAN FWUFFY SMIWE! JUS WAN BE SPECAW FWIEND!"
>He throws himself off the deck, flailing his legs and screeching at the top of his lungs.
>"WAN BE FWEINDS! WAN BE FWIENDS! WHY FWUFFY NU WAN BE FWEINDS! WAAAHHHH! HU HU HU!"
>Alright, enough of this nonsense.
>You gather up Sir Richard, and dump him in his kennel to cool off.
>He's too busy shrieking and wetting himself too care, so you head outside to clean up the mess he made.
>As you're gathering up his toys, and cleaning off the deck, your neighbor pulls into his parking spot and waves.
>Lady Elaine just stands there, staring out at the lawn, and ignoring your presence.
>"What's up?" he asks.
>"Sir Richard was trying to woo Lady Elaine with his charms," you tell him. "And when that didn't work, he tried bribery."
>"Well good luck with that," says your neighbor, as he picks up Lady Elaine.
>the little pink fluffy doesn't move a hair as your neighbor tosses her under his shoulder.
>"She died a few days ago, so I had her stuffed." He shrugs. "Taxidermist must have just delivered her this morning."
>Huh.
>"Well, sorry about that," he says. "Hope I didn't cause too many problems."
>"Nah," you reply. "If Sir Richard's a big enough loser to get friend zoned by a stuffed fluffy, there's really no hope for him."