The Warframe Christmas Special

[pans over live-action houses]
Red Text: And now, direct from Canada, everyone's favorite Space Mom and Community Manager of Warframe, Rebecca. [The exterior of Rebecca's house is shown. The name "Rebecca" appears. Inside, Rebecca is wrapping presents]
Rebecca: [to the tune of "Jingle Bells"] Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, yo ho ho ho ho ho. [she notices she's on air] Oh! Hi. [he waves] I'm Rebecca, Community Manager of Warframe! [she notices a long piece of confetti on her hand and tries to shake it off. She pulls on it and whacks herself in the eye, giving her a black eye. She switches her patch over to the other eye] Hey, that's better! [Steve, a puppet bird on strings, flies in]
Steve: [squawks] Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Rebecca: That's right, Steve! It is Christmas. [she limps over to the fireplace] And there ain't nothing better in the seven seas than an Origin System Christmas. It sure is a magical time of year. [she blows on her pipe, and bubbles emerge] Why, I'll bet old Gauss is gearing up for Santa Claus right now! [she picks up a picture of Gauss. Cuts to Gauss, holding a remote]
Gauss: I sure am! [He presses a button on the remote. A large chimney rises from the ground next to his house, and a gigantic funnel pops out of it with the words "Welcome Santa" in neon letters] I'm ready! [Rebecca laughs]
Rebecca: Not bad for a creature with no vertebrae. [she puts down Gauss's picture] And I'm sure our pal Grendel is doing his share of the decorating. [she picks up a picture of Grendel. Cuts to Grendel standing by his house with a dopey smile on his face. Zooms out to reveal a single ornament hanging from the antenna on top of his rock. It snaps off and hits the ground, and Grendel does the same as well. Now, Rebecca is mixing cookie dough] I too am also preparing for Christmas. [she lifts up the mixer] Hmm, unbaked cookie dough! [she takes a lick] Mmm...
Steve: [squawks] Steve want cookie dough! [he flies over, squawking] Cookie! [Rebecca ducks]
Rebecca: Steve! No! [Steve flies back and forth]
Steve: Cookie! [squawks]
Rebecca: Get out of here!
Steve: Cookie!
Rebecca: Steve!
Steve: [squawks] Give us a lick!
Rebecca: Back off, you flying freak! [Steve flies on the counter]
Steve: [squawks] Clarify please.
Rebecca: [the cookies are shaped like Gauss and Grendel] This here cookie dough is for the children, not for pesky parrots. [Cuts to Hans reaching over and ringing a bell. Rebecca looks out the window] What's that? Three bells! Well, we all know what three bells means!
Children: [off-screen] Free ice cream! [Rebecca laughs]
Rebecca: No, you silly livers. [sternly] No!
Steve: [squawks] Man overboard? [Rebecca walks over to a desk]
Rebecca: You, I'm ignoring. [she sits down] No, it's time to open fan letters! [Steve flies over with a letter in his beak]
Steve: [squawks] Here you go! [Rebecca tugs at it]
Rebecca: Thank you, Steve. [Steve is not letting go] Yeah. Okay Steve, thank you! [Steve squawks, still not letting go] Come on, give it, you birdbrain! [Steve squawks some more] Quiet, infernal bird! [He uses his hook, now with a pair of scissors on the end, to snip Steve's rope. Steve squawks and falls to the ground. Rebecca nods] Hmm. [she sits back down] This letter comes to us from...
Red Text: [as voiceover] Name and address withheld! [Rebecca tears the envelope open, pieces of it flying all over. She pulls up her eye patch and replaces it with a pair of reading glasses with one eye covered up]
Rebecca: And he writes, "Dear Gauss, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."
Red Text: [as voiceover] Name and address withheld! [Rebecca gets up and takes off his glasses. Now his eye patch is back on]
Rebecca: A very good question. But you know they didn't always celebrate Christmas in the Origin System .
Steve: [squawks] They didn't?
Rebecca: No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain. [she pulls down Steve's strings. Steve, as well as his puppeteer, falls to the ground. Rebecca hangs a homemade Gauss ornament on a Christmas tree. Zooms out, showing the entire tree, which is decorated with many similar Gauss, as well as ornaments featuring Grendel and Loki, and a few gift boxes] There was a time when no one had even heard of Christmas in the Origin System. [she snaps her fingers] Hey! Who wants to hear the story of Gauss's very first Christmas? [Cuts to Steve, who looks very drowsy and with bloodshot eyes. Rebecca turns around] Steve? [she sees an empty bowl of cookie dough, accompanied by a foghorn noise] You ate all me cookie dough! [Steve is now incredibly fat. The whole lower half of his body, along with his strings, fall off, leaving only his head]
Steve: Squ-ouch! [Rebecca shrugs]
Rebecca: Oh, well. On with the show.
[After the title card and opening credits, Gauss is shown waiting on a hill near Nova's treedome, wearing karate gloves]
Gauss: [laughs] Today, I'm gonna sneak up and get that Nova with a super sneaky karate move. [practices karate and sneaks over to Nova's door as Nova hums "Jingle Bells"]
Gauss: What diabolical act is she committing now? [Nova plugs in Christmas lights outside her tree and Gauss freaks out] Fire! Don't worry, Nova, I'm coming! Stand back, Nova, fire! [rushes inside and instead of throwing water on tree, he throws it on Nova] Huh? So I guess there's no fire?
Nova: What in the name of the Alamo is wrong with you, Gauss? Ain't you never seen a Christmas tree before?
Gauss: Christmas who?
Nova: What?! Y'all never heard of Christmas?
Gauss: Is she a friend from Earth?
Nova: [laughs] No. I can't believe you haven't heard of... [makes an adorable face] ...Christmas.
Gauss: Tell me more about this... [imitates Nova] ..."Christmas."
Rebecca: And so, Nova wove the magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, she told of the one they call, Santa Claus. [Gauss's eyes widen]
[The next day at The Kantankerous Krab]
Gauss: [standing on a table towards Loki, Grendel and Hydroid] And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake.
Loki: Yawn.
Gauss: But the best part is you can write a letter to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want, and when he comes he brings it to you.
Grendel: Just like a genie. [laughs]
Hydroid: I dunno about you, lubbers, but any fella who's giving away free stuff, is a friend o' mine.
Gauss: That's the spirit, Hydroid. [grabs a piece of paper and pencil] Here you go! You can get started on your letter.
Loki: I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.
Grendel: Like a genie.
Hydroid: Pipe down, Loki. I'm trying to concentrate. This thing is as good as a blank check direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus.
Loki: Oh, brother.
Grendel: Yeah.
Gauss: Okay, who's next?
Grendel: Ooh, ooh, me, me!
Loki: Ooh.
Gauss: Here you go, Grendel.
Grendel: There's no words on this paper.
Gauss: Not yet.
Grendel: [grabs a pencil] Yippee! A writing stick.
Gauss: C'mon, Loki. Write a letter.
Loki: Gauss, grow up will ya? No one's going to give me a gift just because I write them a stupid letter. [Grendel's letter tears in half]
Grendel: Gauss, I ripped my paper. Could I have another one?
Gauss: Sure, buddy. Here you go. Okie dokie, Squid... [Grendel rips his again] ...ward.
Grendel: Uhh, Gauss... [hands him another piece] Thanks. [sits down and starts writing with the paper on top of the pencil] Dear Sant... [paper rips] D'oh! Not again.
Gauss: Here, Grendel, watch me. [starts to write] Dear Santa, what do I want for Christmas, you may ask? All I want is for you to visit gentle folk here in the Origin System. That is my wish. [puts the letter in a bottle] Grendel, I designed this mechanism specifically to shoot bottles to the surface. The hopes of everyone rests on the success of its maiden voyage. Fire in the hole!
[presses it and the bottle shoots up to the surface]
Grendel: Santa! Haha. Where's Santa?
Gauss: Santa doesn't come till Christmas Eve.
Hydroid: Okay boy, my demands, uhh, I mean, my letter, is ready to go.
Gauss: Great, Hydroid. What did you wish for?
Hydroid: A pony.
Gauss: Really?
Hydroid: With saddle bags full of Platinum! [shoots a bottle up to the surface]
Grendel: Here you go, Gauss.
Gauss: What did you wish for, Grendel?
Grendel: Another piece of paper. [bottle shoots up to the surface]
Gauss: And what did you wish for, little girl?
Zephyr: A Buff!
Mesa Prime: I could use a new hat!
Ember Deluxe: I need a new hairstyle!
Gara: I'd like a glass of water for my teeth.
[lots of bottles get shot up to the surface]
Loki: Excuse me, coming through, out of the way.
Gauss: Great, Loki, you finished. What's your wish?
Loki: My wish is that the people of the Origin System will stop paying any attention to the inane dribble that is constantly streaming out of this dunderhead's mouth.
Gauss: Gee, Loki, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said. Okay, everybody, we've got a lot to do now that we've summoned Santa Claus. We must ready ourselves for his arrival.
Everyone: Hooray!
Gauss and Grendel: ♪It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday. Not your normal, average, everyday.♪
Loki: ♪Sounds like someone felled my old coral tree! Gauss, Grendel, why'd you do this to me?♪
Gauss and Grendel: ♪The world feels like it's in loverly!♪
Loki: ♪Go away before I harm you bodily!♪ [He dumps garbage on Gauss and Grendel]
Gauss and Grendel: ♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! There'll be shopping, decorating, and plenty of snow! Hey, Grendel, who's that under the mistletoe?♪
Loki: ♪What? Who, me? Would you look at the time, I should go!♪
Vauban: ♪People seem a little more brotherly!♪
Hydroid: ♪Here's a special something to you from me!♪
Gauss and Grendel: ♪Even all the trash, on Christmas it smells so sweetly! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!♪
[Gauss is seen dancing with different Christmas backgrounds]
Gauss: ♪La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!♪
Loki: ♪What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy!?♪
Gauss and Grendel: ♪Step outside, we've got something for you to see!♪
[Loki walks outside to see everything decorated on his house]
Loki: ♪Gauss, take this stuff down immediately!♪
Gauss and Grendel: ♪Chestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree!♪
All Warframes: ♪Tonight things are as good as they seem to be!♪
Grendel: ♪A star on top will complete all the scenery!♪
All Warframes: ♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!♪
Rebecca: Is Loki right? Can there be a Christmas under the sea? Stay tuned! Whoa! [shaking, putting her hand and hook upon her ears. Later] It's about time you got back! Now I can finish me story! So, Gauss was sending the last of the letters to Santa...
Harrow: I hope he can read Orokin.
Gauss: Ahh, well that's the last letter. Wait! Loki hasn't written his letter yet! [runs to Loki with a pencil, bottles, and paper in hand] Loki! Hurry! Loki, Loki! Hurry! [runs into Loki's house and upstairs to have him write his letter]
Loki: Gauss, what are you doing?
Gauss: Don't worry, Loki. I'll help you get started. [writes letter for Loki] Dear Santa Claus...
Loki: Gauss, forget it.
Gauss: Right, too formal. Hi Santa...
Loki: Gauss, no.
Gauss: Howdy, Claus?
Loki: [pushes Gauss out of his door] I'm not writing a letter to a figment of your imagination.
Gauss: But, Loki, when Santa comes, you'll be the only one without a gift.
Loki: Gauss, how many times do I have to say it? I don't believe in Santa Claus!
Gauss: C’mon, Loki, all you have to do is write a letter. What have you got to lose?
Loki: My self-respect. My sanity. My lunch. [closes door]
Gauss: Loki, c'mon. [everyone tries to get Loki outside]
Citizens: C’mon, Loki! Don't be a party pooper! C'mon out!
Loki: [pokes his head out of his window] Santa Claus is a big phony! Gauss has got you all fooled!
Gauss: C'mon, Loki. C'mon! [closes window and gets in bed]
Loki: Those idiots are gonna be up all night while I get a full night’s sleep. [tries to sleep, but the singing outside wakes him up]
Citizens: ♪Oh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.♪
Gauss: C’mon everybody! Let's sing till Santa gets here.
Citizens: ♪Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa’s coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming...♪
[it is then morning and they are tired]
Citizens: ♪Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.♪
Rhino: Hey! Where's Santa?
Gauss: Uh, he should be here any minute. ♪Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.♪
Citizens: Oh, c'mon. Enough of this. [everyone argues and start to leave]
Rhino: Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale! Let's go waste our time somewhere else.
Gauss: Hey, guys, where's your Christmas spirit? He's just running late.
Grendel: He probably just stopped for a snack! Fat guys get hungry right?
Gauss: Yeah! [they wait and wait and then one of the jellyfish jars breaks on Gauss's head as the jellyfish floats away]
Grendel: Never trust a genie. [Grendel and a snowman walk away]
Loki: [alarm goes off] Ahh, morning already? Oh, boy! [speaking in a megaphone] Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. Wait. Oh, I see a great Christmas photo op. Could you move in a little? [Gauss does so] Say Santa Claus.
Gauss: [very sad face] Santa Claus. [Loki takes the picture]
Loki: Aww, our first Christmas. ♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas. The first Christmas is this Christmas. [donkey appears on screen making noises] 'Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me.♪ [laughs at Gauss]
Gauss: You were right, Loki. This was a stupid holiday. [cries; takes out a present] I still want you to have this.
Loki: What? What's this?
Gauss: A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when... Santa came! [cries some more]
Loki: Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
Gauss: You're welcome. [sadly walks off and cries]
Loki: Gauss? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby patty, or... [imitates a hillbilly] his favorite underpants. Haha. Present. [opens the present] Why, it looks like a clarinet. [smells it] It smells like one, too. Handcrafted out of driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. [finds a button that says "push"] What's this? [pushes the button and 3 wooden Lokis with clarinets come out and bob up and down] Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. [sniffles] Oh, I feel like a... I feel like a... I feel like a... [donkey appears on screen and makes noises] big jerk. What have I done to poor Gauss? Uh, hey, Gauss? I... Gauss? [Gauss is on a ladder trying to get his lights down]
Gauss: I guess I won't be needing this. [slides down with the lights in hand] That's better. [a gray cloud comes and rains on Gauss]
Loki: The poor little guy. All he wanted was to spread a little joy.
Gauss: I'd better get this stuff off of Loki's place.
Loki: Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!
Gauss: Huh? Hello? Who's there? Huh? Hello?
Loki: Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!
Gauss: Hello? Yes. Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself. Yoo-hoo. Hello? Who is it? Huh?
Loki: Up here, you dunce. [dressed like Santa Claus] I mean, uh... Merry Christmas, little boy!
Gauss: [gasps] C-c-could it be?
Loki: Yes, it is I, Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho... [slips off the roof and hits the ground]
Gauss: Hey, you're S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... [takes a deep breath] S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... [takes a deep breath] S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...
Loki: Hey, uh, kid, take it easy.
Gauss: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... ta... [faints]
Loki: Gauss? Gauss? Gauss?!
Gauss: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... [Loki covers his mouth]
Loki: Don't do that again.
Gauss: I knew you'd make it, Santa. Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?
Loki: Well, that, um, is a result of, uh, undersea pressure on my body.
Gauss: Where's your reindeer? And your flying machine?
Loki: Uhh, I loaned them to the Easter bunny.
Gauss: And what about that nose? [pokes his nose and laughs] I knew you were supposed to have a big one, but that thing's gigantic. [laughs]
Loki: Alright! I'm Santa.
Gauss: [jumps onto Loki] Santa! This is the greatest you could've given me. Thank you for bringing Christmas to the Origin System.
Loki: I didn't bring Christmas to the Origin System, Gauss; you did.
Gauss: I did? [faints and falls on Khora's shell]
Khora: Meow.
Loki: Merry Christmas, Gauss. Merry Christmas! Whew! I'm glad that's over.
Hildryn: Do you have a present for me, Santa?
Loki: Oh, well, uhh, you see, I'm not really...
Gauss: [laughs] Go ahead, Santa Claus. See, he is real. He made my Christmas wish come true, he won't let you down.
Loki: Uhh, right, just a second. [searches in his house for something] C'mon, let's see. What do little girls like? A book of matches? Or a shaving kit? A copy of my birth certificate? There's got to be something around here. Think. Think. Think. Ha! Perfect! [hands the little girl a wrench] There you go, little girl! Ho, ho, ho!
Hildryn: Thanks, Santa. [scratches the wrench like it's a puppy]
Loki: That almost felt good. [Loki then notices a long line of citizens waiting for presents] I didn't... who?
Rhino: Hey, Santa, where's my present?
Excalibur: And mine!
Mag: And what about me?
Loki: Uhh... let's see what Santa has for all you good people. [searches for stuff in his house] Think fast, Santa. Gifts for good people. A-ha! A bowl of mashed potatoes for you.
Ember Deluxe: Thank you, Santa. This is just what I wanted. [puts bowl on her head] A new hairstyle.
{{[Loki gives the little girl two forks]}}
Little Girl: Thanks, Santa. [She puts them on like front teeth]
Loki: [gives Grendel a clock] Here you go, Grendel.
Grendel: Wow. [punches a hole through the clock] A wrist watch.
Loki: [gives everything else in his house to the citizens] What was I thinking? I gave away all my stuff just 'cause Gauss wouldn't be sad. Am I insane? [Gauss knocks on the door] You might as well take the door. It's all that's left.
Gauss: Loki! You missed him! He was here just like I said! He gave us all presents. He was jolly and he had a beard. His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks. He was friendly and kind. [turns Gauss towards the door and pushes him so he walks] And Santa is... oh, his belly was small, but his nose was huge with Christmas joy. He was so nice Loki...
Loki: Well, at least it's over. [notices a bottle with a letter in it on the ground] Huh? What's this?
Santa: Dear Loki, thanks for all your help! You've been a real good boy this year. Warm regards, Santa Claus. [letter disappears into thin air] Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! [in his sleigh flying] Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho. [does a crazy dance while saying his "ho ho ho"]
Loki: [Shocked to see Santa does exist and non-chalantly]Yup, I'm insane. [plays his wooden clarinet in the ending tone of the episode]
Santa: Merry Christmas! [back at Rebecca's house, a sailboat with a homemade Gauss and Grendel moves in front of a picture of the island, which has a bunch of presents on it]
Rebecca: Dee dee, dee dee dee dee.
Gauss: [as a puppet] Ahoy, Grendel! It's Christmas Island!
Grendel: [also a puppet] Presents, ahoy.
Gauss: Hooray! [Rebecca starts making storm sound effects] Oh, a storm!
Grendel: Yay! I mean yikes!
Rebecca: [makes more sound effects and begins speaking in her own voice] Oh, we're going down! [she keeps making noises. Zoom out to show the boat is on Rebecca's head] Trim the sails! Hoist the yardarms! Turn on the Weather Channel! [she screams]
Man on Set: [off-screen] Rebecca?
Rebecca: Oh, hi kids. Boy, that Gauss makes me as jolly as a roger. Well, I hope you enjoyed Gauss's Christmas tale. And I hope your Christmas is better than sunken treasure. [she takes the boat off her head. Steve flies out, and there is a nest was under him, and in it are a few eggs wrapped in bows. Rebecca picks one up] Aw... Steve left me a little Christmas present. [she laughs. Then she goes over to the mistletoe] Arr, ye old mistletoe. And you know what that means. [she sprays breath freshener in his mouth] Ah, time for somebody to kiss Rebecca! [she makes kissing noises] Come on, who's it gonna be? Come on! Kiss the captain! [she laughs. Steve flies over and squawks. Rebecca screams]
Steve: Give us a kiss! [Rebecca goes to avoid him]
Rebecca: No! No, not you! [Steve keeps flying around squawking] No, not you Steve! Get out of here! No, Steve! I don't wanna kiss you! No, we talked about this. Steve! No!
Steve: Kissy, kissy!
Red Text: Well, it looks like Rebecca's pretty busy at the moment, so I'll say it for her. Good night, and happy holidays.
[the words "Happy Holidays" are spelled out on screen]