The Horror of Castle Dracula

>be me, bonky
>i'm with my pals pickle homer, miles davis, yuichi yokoyama, bitey, pickle rat-man, ghost-mask cashier, guy with ghost mask from graveyard, police officer with ghost mask, eyes, Dairy Queen, Marie, Mary, Marie Lwyd, Mary Lloyd, Pohncky, David Foster Wallace, and all your favorites from the doorstop series
>we're invited to an extravagant ball in Dracula's Castle
>we all attend in our fineries
>we all sit in a huge dining hall in front of a roaring fire and twin staircases leading up to a balcony
>there's velvet tapestries along the walls
>it's a little dusty, tbh
>like the person who lives here doesn't care about earthly matters
>but i'm thinking it would be rude to point that out
>considering dracula's condition
>we're talking about how spooky the castle is
>someone jokes about how this is like a murder mystery
>we all laugh
>because it's funny
>it's just like a murder mystery
>suddenly we hear a booming voice
>we look up at the balcony overlooking the dining hall
>it's dracula
>ah fuck!
>dracula says welcome, my dear guests
>he's glad we've made ourselves comfortable
>he's glad we're drinking his wine
>he says now get ready for the main event!
>he says dinner is served!
>we're pretty nervous
>because it's dracula
>we look around
>we're waiting for waiters to arrive with the dinner
>finally, pickle homer pipes up
>he says "wh-what are we having for dinner, dracula?"
>[you're very scared reading this next part]
>Dracula says YOU ARE THE DINNER
>TONIGHT YOU WILL BE EATING YOURSELVES!!!
>we all scream
>we all start eating ourselves
>it's the worst possible thing imaginable
>it's the most horror a horror story has ever horrored
>we can't believe we're eating ourselves for dinner
>for some of us, it's our greatest nightmare realized!
>we eat ourselves from the tips of our shoes all the way up
>until we're just a head stuffed with its body and clothes
>we can't speak
>because we're too full of ourselves
>dracula is laughing
>we've eaten ourselves and he's laughing
>we're looking around at one another with big, frightened eyes
>imploring one another to say that it will be alright
>that we will wake up from the nightmare
>that things will return to normal
>but that future never manifests
>we're prisoners in dracula's castle
>we've eaten ourselves and we're just big heads with our bodies curled up into our mouths
>like a big fruit roll-up
>how could the dastardly dracula have done this to us?
>what drives a man to perpetrate such evil deeds?
>we spend our days lamenting this terrible reality
>we regret ever accepting an invite from Dracula
>Happy HalloweeEEEeeEEEeeen!