alanadeckert

whatarefeels (abel and zephyr and gender)

Aug 24th, 2012
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  1. 00:41 unseeingAugur So, What's up?
  2. 00:41 soulHooks okay, so, like,
  3. 00:41 soulHooks i don't know how to...
  4. 00:41 soulHooks what words are right to use for this stuff, but you were...
  5. 00:42 unseeingAugur Okay.
  6. 00:42 unseeingAugur Stop.
  7. 00:42 soulHooks born a girl, or your birth certificate or whatever trolls have says girl
  8. 00:42 soulHooks uh
  9. 00:42 soulHooks okay
  10. 00:43 unseeingAugur Let's establish this as a 'forgiveness-friendly zone'. You say something stupid, I point out it's stupid, you apologize, I say it's cool, we move on. You do the same if I say something weird.
  11. 00:43 soulHooks okay.
  12. 00:43 soulHooks sounds fair.
  13. 00:44 unseeingAugur I'm genetically and physically female, yes. Born human. I identify as male, so I bind.
  14. 00:44 soulHooks yeah, i know you're a dude. :3
  15. 00:45 soulHooks a seriously hot dude, by the way, but that is besides the point.
  16. 00:45 unseeingAugur So. Now that that's out of the way, what'd you like to ask?
  17. 00:45 soulHooks well, like...
  18. 00:45 unseeingAugur Ajdk
  19. 00:45 soulHooks how do you know?
  20. 00:46 soulHooks like, do you just KNOW know, or do you kind of slowly figure it out, or what???
  21. 00:46 soulHooks is this stupid?
  22. 00:46 soulHooks this feels like a stupid question.
  23. 00:52 unseeingAugur It's... Different for everyone. I had a lot of trouble after a really unpleasant, life-changing event, and I sort of stopped accepting thing I'd never liked, like wearing skirts or dresses.
  24. 00:53 unseeingAugur Some things, like my chest, took me by surprise.
  25. 00:54 unseeingAugur Some days it would be a punch in the face to see how /big/ I was there and how uncomfortable it was. I mean, yeah, look in the mirror and there's an attractive young woman, why am I uncomfortable?
  26. 00:54 unseeingAugur And I gradually realized it was, well. That I wasn't unhappy with my weight or my figure so much as my gender?
  27. 00:55 soulHooks okay...
  28. 00:55 soulHooks that actually makes a lot of sense.
  29. 00:56 unseeingAugur Would you like me to continue with my anecdotes, or share some feels and let me help you sort them out, or answer some questions...?
  30. 00:56 soulHooks uh...
  31. 00:56 soulHooks i dunno.
  32. 00:56 soulHooks i mean, like. this stuff wasn't really a thing back home?
  33. 00:56 soulHooks i mean, it was a thing, obviously, but not when my nan was around.
  34. 00:57 unseeingAugur Ah. Conservative family.
  35. 00:57 soulHooks conservative military family who was already always disappointed in me, yeah.
  36. 00:59 unseeingAugur My condolences. My sister was pretty awesome.
  37. 00:59 soulHooks i was out online, i guess, as flamingly bisexual, 'cause when you're making video game characters that are bright purple and covered in feathers for mmos it's not like anyone CAN'T tell
  38. 00:59 soulHooks but idk
  39. 00:59 soulHooks i just
  40. 01:00 soulHooks idkkkkk
  41. 01:00 soulHooks why are feelings so confuuusing
  42. 01:00 unseeingAugur Sexuality's not gender identity.
  43. 01:00 soulHooks whine whine whine
  44. 01:00 soulHooks i know
  45. 01:00 unseeingAugur First thing.
  46. 01:00 soulHooks i am totally sure about totally being into girls and guys both, bro ;3
  47. 01:01 unseeingAugur What about transboys and transladies and genderqueers and agenders and genderfluid people?
  48. 01:01 soulHooks well. you're hot, too, right?
  49. 01:02 soulHooks so clearly i am into transboys, i guess.
  50. 01:03 soulHooks i... guess arvind is probably one of those last three, but i am not attracted to them, but i don't think i'd be attracted to them even if they were all "yeah i'm a dude/lady you don't have to keep trying to figure out what pronouns to use"
  51. 01:03 soulHooks because arvind is scary as hell :V
  52. 01:06 soulHooks i don't know if that's a good answer.
  53. 01:07 soulHooks i don't even know if this conversation really has a point or if i'm just being dumb and jumping to conclusions 'cause i really liked it when people were like "yes you look cute in that cute dress!" the other day.
  54. 01:07 unseeingAugur No, that's fine. You just said you are uninterested in Arvind as a person, not for er gender identity?
  55. 01:08 unseeingAugur Well.
  56. 01:08 unseeingAugur You can be cis and like crossdressing.
  57. 01:09 unseeingAugur You can be cis, like crossdressing, and either be impersonating a girl then or be all 'yeah, I'm a dude'.
  58. 01:09 unseeingAugur You can crossdress as realistically as you want and still be cis.
  59. 01:09 soulHooks yeah...
  60. 01:10 unseeingAugur Or you could be starting to realizr that maybe you like being a girl some or all of the time.
  61. 01:10 soulHooks and since you are not me you can't tell me which, right?
  62. 01:11 unseeingAugur I can't. I can only listen and try to help you find out for yourself.
  63. 01:11 unseeingAugur And offer advice and support regardless~.
  64. 01:11 soulHooks hahaha
  65. 01:12 soulHooks man
  66. 01:12 soulHooks i just don't know
  67. 01:12 soulHooks sometimes when i get ideas into my head about myself it feels like it's just the haze clinging to me
  68. 01:12 soulHooks because i'll meet someone and then i'll think, "oh /yeah/, i like /that/"
  69. 01:13 soulHooks like something about my first session made what's me hazier around the edges
  70. 01:14 unseeingAugur Your native always stays with you.
  71. 01:14 unseeingAugur I've got a little Light.
  72. 01:14 soulHooks huh...
  73. 01:14 soulHooks yeah.
  74. 01:15 soulHooks man.
  75. 01:15 soulHooks weh weh feelings whine whine.
  76. 01:16 soulHooks i think i'll, like... see if this sticks or if it drifts away in the next strong breeze.
  77. 01:17 soulHooks (but i did look damn cute in that dress.)
  78. 01:18 soulHooks (attractiveclavicle was all like, "you'd be a bombshell with some makeup!" and it was like "oh man I SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE MAKEUP that is the best idea i will look so great" just bloomed in my head and i couldn't get this stupid grin off my face.)
  79. 01:19 unseeingAugur Oh.
  80. 01:19 unseeingAugur Bryn knows her makeup~.
  81. 01:19 soulHooks hahaha.
  82. 01:20 soulHooks maybe i'll ask her for some tips!
  83. 01:20 unseeingAugur She's, oh man. I wish I could confirm the photo right now.
  84. 01:20 unseeingAugur But since I don't want to accidentally send you a joint nude, I'll wait until I have a screen.
  85. 01:20 soulHooks ehehe,
  86. 01:21 unseeingAugur She's the epitome of classy as fuck.
  87. 01:21 soulHooks i wouldn't mind. ;D
  88. 01:21 soulHooks but ok!
  89. 01:21 soulHooks maybe i could look up tutorials or something in the meantime?
  90. 01:22 soulHooks there are like... makeup tutorials on youtube, right?
  91. 01:22 unseeingAugur Of varying repute, I'm sure.
  92. 01:23 soulHooks hehehe.
  93. 01:23 soulHooks well, it's youtube.
  94. 01:23 unseeingAugur Sadly the only makeups I'm good with are greasepaint, liquid eyeliner, eyelash tints, and lip stain.
  95. 01:24 soulHooks hey, your makeup is kickass.
  96. 01:25 soulHooks seriously bro, how you make that stuff look elegant is wicked cool. x3
  97. 01:28 unseeingAugur I, ah. I don't.
  98. 01:28 unseeingAugur Not anymore.
  99. 01:52 unseeingAugur I sort of quit with it.
  100. 01:53 soulHooks oh, really?
  101. 01:53 soulHooks that's kind of a shame, it was awesome.
  102. 01:54 unseeingAugur Well.
  103. 01:54 unseeingAugur I wore it for two people.
  104. 01:54 unseeingAugur Because they helped me design it.
  105. 01:54 unseeingAugur Because it meant something to all of us.
  106. 01:55 unseeingAugur Because it made them happy.
  107. 01:55 unseeingAugur And because it reminded me of them.
  108. 01:55 soulHooks ... i think i see where this is going
  109. 01:56 soulHooks ):
  110. 01:56 soulHooks want a hug, bro?
  111. 01:56 unseeingAugur One's forgotten what we had, and the other's been dead for... two years now.
  112. 01:56 unseeingAugur holds his arms out for a bro-hug
  113. 01:56 soulHooks brohugs that dude like crazy
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