/moon/-day One-Shots WIP

These are just one shots that I pick up here or there


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Would you date a wrinkled old, worn out Luna?

>You walk up the decrepit stairs slowly, carefully trudging up the worn steps.
>The sun already set, Luna's night sky watched over her old world.
>A few holes are scattered throughout the walls of the old castle, giving you a nice view of the city of Canterlot.
>Or at least what remains of it...
>Luna told you that Canterlot was once a great city, but you arrived far too late to witness such a place.
>Not much is left to praise; There's no point in rebuilding too, considering that there's no inhabitants left to live there.
>Even the Canterlot Castle couldn't escape being damaged.
>Most of the castle is in ruin, some areas are just flat out too dangerous to even wander into.
>Luna insisted that the Princess' personal wing of the castle was still fine, even if it was one of the highest points of it also.
>You trust her though, she would never let any harm come to you.

>You finally reached the last steps and began walking down the hallway, towards Luna's chambers.
>This particular wing of the castle was well maintained by you and Luna.
>Luna once jested that it looked the same as it did a few centuries ago.
>If only you could witness her earlier...
>You open the door to her chambers, dark from the night outside.
>A few candles and the fireplace gave the room some modest light.
>Luna was sitting in front of the fire, reading a book.
>You couldn't help but smile as you see her.

>Despite looking different compared to the paintings of her younger self, Princess Luna still looked gorgeous.
>Her blue coat was a bit lighter, her hair was also much lighter and has some a few strands of white.
>Her form was still soft and modest. Her face light, but still beautiful.
>Luna looks up and her weary eyes brighten up, causing her to stand up slowly.
>"Hello, dear." Luna greeted happily.
"Hello, beautiful." You respond, walking towards her.
>Luna giggles at your greeting, a warm feeling pulsing through her heart as she looks at you.
"What a wonderful night outside." you say.
>Thank you." Luna says with a blush.

>The two of you reach each other and hug.
>Her lips greet yours with a loving kiss, her soft form cuddling against you.
>your arms wrap around her body, keeping her close.
"Would you like to retire for the night?" you ask softly as you pull away from her.
>That would be lovely..."
>Your arms keep her close as the two of you approach the large bed at the end of the room.
>Climbing on the bed, you carry Luna along with your arms around her.
>The two of you climb underneath the warm sheets, basking in each others embrace.
>Luna places her muzzles underneath your chin, humming in bliss.
>Her wings sprout and wrap around you, hugging you even closer.
>"Please don't let me go." Luna asks softly.
"I won't dear." you say, hugging her as close as possible.
>You place your chin over the top of her head, closing your eyes comfortably.
>Sleep quickly overtakes the both of you, man and mare united together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You're alone in a strange, white void
>At least until Luna appears in front of you
"Oh, hey Lulu. where are we?"
>She looks troubled and desperate as she trots up to you
>"A grave misfortune has befallen Equestria, Anon. The magic that holds our world together is threatening to unravel."
"Cool."
>She huffs
>"It most certainly is not cool! Everything us ponies have ever known or will know is about to be erased, and I need your help to save it!"
"Well what exactly can I do about it?"
>She turns away and rubs her hoof against her foreleg
>"...You probably already know that our magic is derived from emotions."
"Yeah, Friendship is Magic and all that."
>"Well, if we are able to suffuse the flow of magic with emotion from within, we could stabilize it and spare Equestria a terrible fate."
"Oh, of course. Why didn't I think of that sooner. How do you propose we do that, exactly?"
>She turns back around
>Her cheeks are slightly flushed, and she's staring down to the ground.
>"W-we must...make love together. For the rest of eternity. Our passion and love will sustain Equestria. It is an extreme solution, I know, but it is the only one available to us."
"I see."
>She looks up to you with a small smile
>"This is an enormous sacrifice, for both of us, but for whatever it's worth, there's no one I would rather be here with than you, Anonymous."
"I'll pass."
>"W-what? B-but the fate of Equestria!"
"Can we wrap this up? I've got to get up early for work tomorrow."
>She sighs in frustration before the white void fades into a facsimile of Ponyville
>"Will you not at least indulge me within our dreams?"
"Do you have a fetish for having sex for a really long time or something? Last time you tried this, I was supposed to fuck Nightmare Moon for a thousand years to keep her imprisoned."
>"D-don't judge me, human! I know of your lust for iceberg lettuce!"
"You and half of Equestria. I let my freak flag fly."
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>“Anonymous! The fates hath smiled upon you today!”
“Oh fuck no, no, no!”
>Like a nigga in Detroit running from the police, you quickly dive under your bed, whimpering like a bitch.
>Not again, not again!
>“Does thou wish for me to enter on mine own accord!?”
>The sound of splintering wood implies that your front door has been broken.
>There is a pause.
>“…A thousand pardons, dear Anonymous! We hope that ye shall accept our apology through our sexual advances! Art thou willing to forgiveth us?”
>You cover your mouth, hoping to silence your pitiful sobs of fear.
>She has definitely entered your home now.
>“We sincerely applaud thee, o Anonymous! Thine interior designing skills are rather commendable to impress a princess!”
>You wince at the sound of your coffee table shattering.
>“…We apologize again! We are dearly remise for destroying your furniture! We supposed ye have been concealing yourself from below it! Wilt thou reveal thyself!?”
>Then, her hoofsteps become alarming close to your bedroom.
>“Anonymous!? Please! We merely wish to fornicate! Tis such a crime to relish in our own depraved sexual desires as we channel our own fantasies unto you!?”
>...
>“Aye! We see how it be, then! We shall wait till you hath garnered the courage to face us!”
>Oh fuck, seriously?
>She can’t /really/ wait forever, can she?

….


>“And that, Glimmer, is why you should never be autistic.”
>Starlight’s face formed a crooked line, her brows askew with confusion as she sat cozily in the bed by candlelight.
>“Twilight, I don’t get it. Why’re you telling me a bedtime story?”
>“...Wow. I...that’s a good question. Actually, what time is it?”
>The purple princess shook her head.
>“That’s strange…it was like...like a cloud just went over my mind and I…”
>She sighs.
>“That’s weird. Um, I’m sorry, I’m just gonna go now.”

I haven't slept in four days.
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>She will never call you to her office while you're in class.
>The students snicker thinking you are in trouble.
>Vice Principal Luna greets you by kissing your cheek.
>"Sorry, hun I just wanted to see you and couldn't help myself."
>She whispers in your ear.
>"I want you to sit on my chair and I want to ride you while I get my work done."
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This is /poet/ now right?

There once was a farmer who lived on his own
In a quiet side farm in the sticks
A countryside timid and tranquil in tone
Inhabited by loners and hicks

The farmer felt lonesome for most of a day
As animals gave no recompense
His life was pig feed and bundles of hay
Days lingered too long and too tense

As eyes grew heavy, existence would flash
The world turning nocturnal
Yet in his eye the farmer would see
A sight to turn him paternal

Here did a beauty laugh and dance and sing
With quartz blue hair and eyes to match
Her shoulders were bare, her hand, no ring
And with but a twirl, their eyes do catch

She beckons him closer to the sight of a bed
Feelings were inviting, warm and ashen
Approaching with care, with a face of red
Easily betrayed his wanting passion

The cock did crow when the sun made its rise
His crotch was sore and his throat was coarse
Turning like usual the man gasped in surprise
For somehow, he had bedded a horse
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>Luna sat in a secluded hill near the Canterlot Castle, gazing up at her masterfully crafted night sky.
>She rather enjoyed these moments of tranquility, they helped her calm down and think about the days events.
>This new world and all it's costoms were confusing and quite frustrating for the mare.
>When did it become rude to ask for talks and the occasional hug of the guards and maids.
>Luna was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of... hoof steps? in the distance.
>Keeping her eyes fixed to the skies, she swiveled her ears to try and better pick up on the disturbance.
>While listening to the pony make their way across the fields of wild grass she heard them start to hum a melody.
>"Listen, it's harder buildin' trust from a distance~"
>"I think we should rule out commitment for now 'cause we're fallin' apart~"
"How peculiar," She noted while listening to the, now apparent, stallion sing his melancholy tune.
>Finally tearing her sight from her moon, she looks down across the plain to find the human, Anonymous, wandering, eyes closed and singing, aimlessly.
>Surprised, she continues to watch him walk around as he sings to his heart's content.
>"Passionate from miles away, passive with the things you say."
>Unbeknownst to him, the human starts making his way closer to the night princess.
>When he is about 5 feet away from her, she decides to make her presence known by shouting greetings in the traditional Canterlot Voice™, just for fun.
"HELLO HUMAN! HOW DOES TONIGHT FARE FOR YOURSELF!?"
>Startled as expected, Anonymous stumbles a bit before recovering and looking up to see her looking at him curiously.
>"O-oh! Princess Luna! I'm sorry, I had no idea you would be here !" Anonymous gets out before quickly adding a bow.
>Luna has to bite her cheek to keep from laughing.
"At peace human, there is no need to bow."
>"Oh, o-of course."
>The two just stood there, awkwardly looking at each other for some time.
>"W-well I guess I better be going, sorry for intruding."
>Anonymous begins to turn around to leave.
"Wait!"
>Anonymous freezes mid step and turns to look back at Luna.
>Blushing from the outburst, Luna looks at the floor briefly.
"The piece you were singing earlier... do you really have relationship issues with your special somepony?"
>"What? Ohhh. No, that was just a song from back home. I uhh, don't really have a girlfriend right now."
"Well, it was quite enjoyable."
>"Thanks." Anonymous replied, lighting up a little.
"Do you have more?" Luna eagerly asked.
>"Songs?"
"Yes, what else would we be referring to?"
>"...oh yeah, that makes-"
"So?"
>"I know a few more, but I'm not sure if you would like them."
"Nonsense I liked the first one, I fail to see why I wouldn't like the rest of them."
>"Alright then."
>So Anonymous sang to the moon diety, deep into the late night hours. His choice of songs mostly consisting of RnB and pop. Luna listened intently to each of the human's songs, nodding her head to the rhythm, eyes closed and a small smile on her lips.
>Having been growing sleepier by the hour, the human began to get quieter and quieter until he was merely whispering.
>Luna only took notice when she heard his soft snoring.
"He sang himself to sleep, that's a first one." She said with a giggle.
>She gently picked Anonymous up and teleported them to his room on the east quarters of the palace.
>She carefully set the man down on top of his bed and started making her way to the door.
>As she reached the door, she stopped to look over her withers at the resting human on the bed.
"Sweet dreams Anonymous."
>And with that, she left his room with a smile and a pip to her step.
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>Luna couldn't sleep
>This by itself wouldn't be a problem, as guardian and watcher of ponies dreams it would fall upon her to stay awake during the twilight hours and guide them to peaceful rest.
>but on this night that was not the case.
>She had just returned from a rather short hiatus of a thousand years imprisoned on the moon and while her sister was over the moon to have her back again, the trust that Luna threw away would take longer to come back.
>as such she was not needed to perform her nightly duties she once did
>Equestria had lasted one thousand years without her watch
>it can last another week
>this left her bored and unhappy, and as boredom tends to do it led to hunger.
>"Uuuugh" the princess of the night groaned into her pillow as she felt the rumble of her stomach.
>dismissing her tiara and other jewellery she slithered out of her bed and over to a nearby dresser which held a fruit bowl that overflowed with ripe looking fruit
>picking up a glossy apple Luna noted it smelled nor felt like a real apple and after a careful and doubtful bite, discovered it was in fact fake.
>"oh for goodness sake" she stamped her hoof on the soft carpet and went over to her door
>"Guard, have maidspony bring me a glass of water and a sna -" she said before noticing the hallway was as lifeless as the moon
>"Oh, erm.. guard? hello?" she said into the darkness
>only silence answered back
>"Curse this night, first wax fruit and now i'll have to get my own refreshments."
>she sighed long and hard standing in the doorway hoping her idleness would somehow summon a guard and she wouldn't have to go herself.
>it didn't work
>"Fine, fine.."
>she thought she remembered the way there and back again but 1000 years of solitude in darkness does little to help ones memory.
>"lets see... yes that's right, a left here.. then a right then after two more hallways i take the second left..."?
>the corridors and hallways slowly passed by a distracted Luna.
>she was more interested in the decorations that lined the halls
>vast silken sheets of royal purple and white walls. murals that depicted the last 1000 years of history she'd have to catch up on.
>"Flowers, this place needs more flowers." Luna said to herself as she walked by the exit she was supposed to take.
>a thousand years in solitude trapped in a nightmare and all that Luna had wished for (apart form the obvious; saying sorry, hugging her sister again, getting a peaceful days sleep.) was flowers.
>she loved gardening and flower arranging deeply but on the moon of course there was nothing, no bright colours, no smell just empty rock as far as the eye could see.
>she continued walking, making corners automatically in a zombie like state
>it was when she came upon a dead end that she snapped out of her day-dreaming.
>"Wha- this wasn't here before! this should be the .. wait where am I!" Luna said in a flurry
>"Oh dear, Hello is anyone nearby?' she asked the empty halls
>"No matter i'll just retrace my steps, yes.. good call Luna!"
>it didn't work.
>at all.
>"Oh no no NO! where is everypony!" she paniced
>it was unnaturally empty the castle, especially this time of night, there should at least have been some guard-ponies patrolling the halls
>Luna ran the corridors in an attempt to find someone, flinging open doors to private chambers desperate to not be alone again
>It was like the moon
>Alone
>cold
>dark
>she broke down in the middle of a hall she was unfamiliar with
>the darkness taking her mind back to her memories of the moon
>being alone with nothing but your regrets and desires
>"SOMEPONY PLEASE! please! I.. I don't want to be alone again."
>"Not like this."
>"I'm sorry sister, please forgive me, please don't banish me again. i'll be good! I promise!"
"Luna?" came a voice from down the hall.
>She knew the voice in a heartbeat
>From down the hall she say the princess of the sun staring back at her
>her mane flowing in a spectral breeze
>Luna wanted nothing more than to hold her tight and never let go.
>running as fast as she could with tears in her eyes she collided with Celestia at full speed, wrapping her legs and wings round her and crying into her shoulder
"Luna you poor thing what's gotten into you, why are you all the way out here?" Celestia asked her. her soothing motherly voice calming her.
>Luna didn't reply letting her cries turn into laughing
>she wasn't alone
>she never will be again.
>they sat in the great halls of castle Canterlot watching dawn break before they both left.
>Luna didn't even care that see never got a sandwich.
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>Be Ticket Punch, Train Station Employee of the Month six months in a row
>You looks up from you booth and jump a little at the sight
>Damned Moonponies, coming down and stealing all your stallions with their flowing manes and pointy teeth
>You shift on your ample flank, suddenly jealous of their waif stature
>...
>You should probably go jogging more often...
>None of them even have the proper decency to at least make a little noise when they move about!
>You crane your head to the side and check the line behind the first one
>Damn, where'd they all come from?
>The clunk of the amulet around the neck of the first mare hitting the booth as she lays down her ticket brings you back to the task at hand
>You eye it for a moment, admiring the fine gem surrounded by silver filegree
>Weight loss must be terribly easy for them when a necklace alters gravity's hold
>You take the ticket and punch it
"Two plus luggage, car five. Near the end."
>"Thanks!"
>Well, somepony's in a good mood today
>This next one has a strong-looking earthpony stallion leaning against her
>Of course he's talking her ear off
>"Oh honey, I just can't wait to see the ceremony!" he coos
>She smiles, bearing her fangs at you.
>Her stallion keeps talking
>"I'm so excited, this only happens once every few generations, and we get to see it!"
>Your professional discipline keeps you from wincing at the sight, so you do your job
>You take her ticket and punch it too.
"Two plus luggage."
>You notice out of the corner of your eye the extra stamp.
>You definitely wince this time, but you hide it with a cough.
"Pregnant seating is in the middle, car three."
>She smiles and nods, bumping the poor earth stallion
>The succubus victim just walks past
>It continues on like this, for another half an hour
>You catch bits of conversation here and there while they file through
>Nothing but moonpony mares and stallions, carting off with their catch from Equestria
>All heading to the same place:
>Lunar Lasso Landing
>You can't take it anymore
>You check the clock inside your little booth
>You have enough time to get them all through and ask a couple questions
>Oh, the last one is here already
>Just a couple unaccompanied moon-mares
"Excuse me," you start, holding their tickets in your hooves
"I can't help but notice there's a lot of moonponies getting on the train today, all talking about something going on."
>She smiles and nods a little too fast
"What is it?"
>Both her hooves come up to her mouth before she starts talking in that semi-ethereal voice
>It's like listening to somepony whisper and talk normally at the same time
>"Oh, you don't know? Tomorrow is the Night of the New Moon!"
"And that is?"
>She looks way too excited to explain this to someone who's never heard about it before
>"Well, once every couple of generations, Mother Moon and Father Anon decide to f-"
>The mare beside her, who seems to be a little more collected than the other, shoves her hoof in the first one's mouth before she can finish

>"What Minoris here was going to say," she starts in a much more somber tone
>Her voice almost sounds musical, but an octave or two deeper than her friend here
>"Is that once every few generations, when the stars align again, Mother Moon and Father Anon decide to give birth once again..."
>Her voice starts to rise
>"When the moon is shrouded from all light, there in the safety of the darkness, the Eternal Family begins the ritual once more..."
>A strange grin forms on her face, her eyes slowly widening as her voice grows louder as well
>"And in the light of a New Moon, surrounded by their posterity, the All-Mother and All-Father gift unto the universe new life from the Forever-Fertile Womb!"
>The hoof that was in her friend's face is now resting on her head, the other foreleg clenched near her own
>Her wings are spread wide, and the pony beneath her looks up at her with eyes sparkling more than normal
>"A new heir will be born, and another House begins its rise, displaying to the uncaring universe our unbreakable will, and our rightful, eternal place AMONG THE HEAVENS! CARVED FROM THE BARREN VOID ITSELF AND BENT TO OUR WILL!"
>She begins to cackle loudly, followed soon after by her friend below her
>You can hear the other moonponies in the train joining in
>You couldn't sink lower in your seat if you tried
>For the first time in your life you actually believe the stories
>They really are the descendants of Nightmare Moon
>The first one jumps up and puts her hooves on your booth
>"It really is exciting! You should definitely go see, it's a once-in-a-lifetime event!"
>She...is this sort of thing normal for her?
"U-uhm..."
>You try to find your voice
"I a-already have plans..."
>"Aww, what a shame! Well, WE have plans, and that's the ceremony!"
"Train two..."
>You watch them depart, feeling somewhat comforted by the safety of your booth
>...
>Damn moonponies.
>This is all Celestia's fault.

>FIN
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By SystemOfAClop

> Your dreams were unsettling last night.
> You must've pissed the Princess off.
> Groaning and stretching your limbs, you pull yourself out of the velvet bed.
> Thanks to becoming good friends with the Princess of the Night, you've got yourself a sweet little condo in Canterlot.
> Being the only human in the entire universe can be a gift when you were once exotic and enticing to the populous but now you're just kinda there.
> Sure, the occasional adventure with Twilight can be fun but no one but Luna could really understand what it's like to be alienated.
> You carry your half-asleep body into the bathroom and start up the shower, waiting for the water to warm up doesn't take long since, after all, this is the big time.
> You slide off your boxers and toss them onto the counter.
> You place your fingers into the shower to test the waters before "Nutting up" and jumping in.
> You lower the degrees by turning the knob fin front of you.
> Steam rises to the top as you clean yourself, getting ready for the new day.
"Do I have a thing today... Prolly not."
> A poof of deep purple smoke bursts near the door and a familiar friendly figure trots from it.
> "Anonymous, art thou ready?"
"Uh, kinda busy here."
> "Ah, we see. We will... wait in thine room."
> That ancient Equestrian dialect is really cute, it's like when kids say "Pscetty".
> You don't want to keep her waiting.
> You turn off the water and pull the towel from the shower door and run it across your body to rid yourself of the remaining water.
> Luna's voice rises from the silence while you attempt to dry yourself off.
> "Is there anything we are-ahem-interrupting thee from, Anonymous?"
"Nah dawg, I'm good."
> "We are not a dog, how could thee be so confused?"
"Juuust an expression, Luna. Juuust an expression."
> You wrap the towel around your waist and open the shower door, making your way back into your bedroom to accompany the awaiting Princess.
"Hey, Luna. What was with the nightmares last night, were you mad at me or something?"
> She takes one look to you, her eyes bulge at the sight of you being semi-clothed, and looks away quickly.
> "A-Anonymous! Thine body is exposed!"
> Wha... Oh yeah, ponies were really conservative back in the day.
> This is like whipping out your cock and using it to spoon-feed your first born.
> "A-Anyways, we gave thee a n-nightmare as one of those... uuuuhhh... Pranks, yes pranks!"
"A prank?"
> "Indeed!"
> Nightly visions of genocide and horrendous beasts attacking both you and everyone else is a prank.
"Luna we have to have a talk about pranking later."
> She nods while you walk back into the bathroom, letting out an audible sigh from a close call.
> You put on your boxers and walk back out into the bedroom to get the rest of your clothes.
> Luna gasps in horror from seeing your 'nearly-nude' body.
> "A-Anonymous, have the no shame at all?!"
"All my shame went to my parents."
> Considering you own one set of clothes that Rarity hasn't redesigned, you don't have much to choose from.
> You look over to see Luna covering her eyes with her hooves, peeking through every ten seconds or so.
> "Um, Anonymous, we have a meeting with Celestia."
"Fuck, when?"
> "Ten minutes ago."
"Jesus Christ, Luna when were you gonna tell me?"
> "Ten minutes ago..."
"What happened?"
> "Well... We were still pranking thee and our laughing was too strong to allow a stop."
> You hastily shove your legs through your pant legs and manage to get your shoes on quickly.
> Running down the stairs while putting on a shirt isn't the easiest of jobs but it's something you're used to doing.
"Princess, can you get us there fast?"
> "Of course we can, what kind of question is that Anonymous?"
> Her horn glows and suddenly you find yourself inside Celestia's throne room.
> She looks pissed.
> "Mister Anonymous."
"Sup."
> "Do you know why I wanted you to be here?"
> Really it's something new every week.
> Celestia always has you going on different adventures and other shit like that at least once a week.
> "Two things from you, Anonymous. One is your mission for this week and another is a demand from Princess Twilight."
"What's Twi want?"
> "She asks for you to, and I quote, 'Stop saying you're going to fuck me like a jackhammer'. You're really sick, Anonymous."
> Luna tucks her head into the throne's cushion, trying to muffle her laughter.
"Not gonna do that, what's the mission?"
> "This one isn't going to be easy."
> You roll your eyes.
"You always say that, get on with it."
> She trots down the steps and stops once she's close enough.
> "Operation: Rose Kiss, do you accept?"
"I guess so."
> "Alright, just go in and wipe out the small insurgency outside of the Crystal Empire."
> Fuck, that's a long way.
"Can't Shining Armor do that?"
> "No."
"Why?"
> "You already said yes."
> infiniteanger.png
"Alright then, I'll be going now. You want something back?"
> Celestia stares back at you, unamused at your comment.
> Luna is quite the opposite, snickering and smiling.
> You depart and make your way to the train station.
> Celestia turns to face her younger sister as she does the same.
> "I don't know what you see in him."
> "He makes us laugh."
> You manage to catch the next train to Cadence's Kingdom, catching some sleep on your way there.
> In your dreams is the best way to communicate with the Princess because you don't have to worry about anything happening that she cannot control.
"Sup Luna?"
> "How is thine trip so far?"
"Usual shit, what's up at the Castle?"
> "Princess Twilight arrived earlier..."
"Oh yeah, what did she say?"
> The shy Princess lowers her head into her chest, scrunching her mouth sideways.
> "We... Don't wish to repeat her words."
"Oh c'mon Luna, you got to."
> "She... She demands you f-fornicate with thine s-self."
"Princess of Friendship, my ass."
> Your regal dream-dweller goes silent for a moment.
"You okay there, Lu?"
> "We just don't like the thought of thee doing what thine job is in the Crystal Empire."
> Her hooves held against each other, pushing back and fourth nervously.
> You place your hand on her wing, trying to comfort her.
"I'll be okay, I always am."
> You awaken to the high-pitch scream of the whistle outside as the steady sound of the train's movement comes to a stop.
> You get out to the immediate presence of Princess Cadence.
> "Anon, did Princess Celestia send you?"
"Duh, obviously or else I wouldn't be in this shit hole."
> The Princess of Love simply stares at you blankly, sighs, and guides you through the city.
"So is this place still an Empire or is it just a fancy title because 'Kingdom of Cadence' gave Shining an inferiority complex?"
> "Anon, can't you just do your job and leave?"
"What kind of hospitality is this, Cadence? We used to be best buds, you would scream 'Hi Anon!' at me every like, five seconds."
> She stops and returns with an answer, as swift as the question.
> "I was single then, I didn't have an Empire, no child, no wings. You were young, I was young, I got older, you... Got kinda bigger?"
> You give her a finger pistol and fire it, backing away and finding where the trouble is on your own.
> Walking into a bar, you hear stallions conversing about their violent motives.
> Their eyes avert their point of view directly at you.
> You walk to the center table, a dark stallion sits with his drink illuminated by his magic.
> "Whadda ya want?"
> His voice is like he had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning...
> Without any milk!
"Nothin' much... I was thinking about getting a new order underway, overthrow the Princess and whatnot."
> He stares at you, deeply angered and impatient to your sarcastic tone.
> "I don't work with snitches... I don't think you're from around here, boy. What's got you here thinking you're gonna get anything?"
"I decided to come here during Californiacation, 'shame you don't work with snitches though... Tables seem to like me."
> His brow knits and his face scrunches in, he doesn't understand a word.
> "What?"
> You kick the table into his lap, it catches him off guard as you jump over it.
> You grip his mane and place your heel down into his chest.
"Oookay , buddy. Here's the deal, the Princesses are a little upset that you all aren't the best looking crew all together like this, it's like Somalia in here."
> "What are you talking about?"
> A slight tremor grows in his gnarly voice while your force keeps up against his body.
"Dude, just stop being all suspicious looking so I can leave without having to actually do my job."
> The fearful stallion nods in agreement causing you to let go of his greasy mane.
"Then we're done here."
> You climb over the fallen circular table and make your way out of the den of alcoholics.
>The ponies are used to seeing you by now but the crystal ones are a bit different, they're pretty old school.
> Occasional stares and avoided eye-contact is the norm in the Crystal Empire.
> Cadence meets you at the local bakery, the usual welcoming look of disgust greeting you as you walk in.
> "Is it done?"
"Can I watch Flurry Heart this weekend?"
> The Princess of "Love" angrily sighs, signaling the full answer.
"Alright... I got them to chill out for a bit, I don't think they'll be a bother anytime soon."
> She silently trots away, no thanks or arigato or anything.
"Aight, I'll show myself the Crystal door."
> After an agonizingly slow train ride back to Canterlot, you drudge your way back to your condo for some well-deserved rest.
> The usual "Hello" or "Hi, how are you?" is a lot more prominent with the Crystal fucks, everyone in Canterlot thinks they're the shit.
> As of right now you have no plans except going home, laying down, and getting crazy with some cheese whiz.
> You walk up the pristine stairs that lead you to your current home.
> The doors are easy to open since the ponies got weaker legs so doing pretty much anything is easy.
> That trip was such a waste, hopefully Cadence told Celestia that you're back or else she'll shit a boat.
> Even if she didn't tell her, you can just deal with it in no time at all.
> Celestia may pretend to be all strong and authoritarian when you're around but she's a total softy for a little witty word-play.
> You crash onto your couch face-first, resting for a little bit before beginning a zombie-like drudge into the kitchen, looking for the cheese whiz.
> You open the pantry, moving bags of chips and boxes in search for the illusive spray cheese.
> Once you get the bright idea to check the microwave, you find the tall can standing at attention.
> The can is grabbed and brought back to the couch, where you recline and spray the canned cheese directly into your mouth.
> Back home, this would be the definition of slacker but here, you're the fucking man.
> Soy un fucking perdedor
> But hey, who cares as long as you get your job done and keep the Princesses' mess under-wraps?
> The familiar poof of purple smoke appears from your corner, no need in checking.
> "Um... Anonymous, art thou asleep?"
"Nah dawg, just hanging out on the couch."
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>"Anon! Thy assistance in this matter is urgently requested!"
>yeahsure.jpg
>In the middle of night court, fucking around with Princess Luna by using a laser pointer that you have peeking out of your front pocket.
>Not many visitors, so who cares.
>"Anon!"
"Don't worry, you almost have it!
>She is racing all around the throne room, chasing after the small red dot that "mysteriously" appears and disappears at will.
>You're pretty certain the guards stationed at the entrance have caught on to your ploy, but even they can't resist following the dot with their eyes.
>Luna has run herself ragged, with her hair all frizzed up and her fur uneven and matted, yet continues chasing the dot with an intensity not unlike a typical house cat.
>You've been fucking around for about ten minutes, but as fun as it has been you feel the need to change things up a tad.
>Taking another glance at the guards gives you a dastardly idea.
>You quickly turn off the pointer, before shining it on the chest of one of the guards.
>Luna turns on a dime, trying to pinpoint the dot's new location.
>"Anon, where did-"
>She sees the dot.
>"Don't fret loyal guards! I shall protect thee!"
>Luna sprints towards her guards.
>Poor bastards.

>"Anon."
"It wasn't me."
>After a recent incident regarding Luna and one of her guards last night, you have found yourself on the receiving end of a rather intimidating glare, owned by none other than the princess of the sun herself.
>For some reason, she seems to think that you might be responsible for the events as they occurred.
>You failed to see how laughing hysterically merits suspicion, but unfortunately Celestia did not share your point of view.
>"Really? And I suppose I am to think that your reaction to the incident was in no way connected to their cause?"
"Yeah."
>As witty a response it may be, you begin to suspect that Celestia is not going to be patient in this interrogation.
>Call it a hunch, but the insurance paperwork on her desk, the pile of various complaints filed by the nobles against Luna after hearing about the incident, and Celestia's now twitchy eye all point to a rather unfortunate outcome for this scenario.
>Unless you can successfully distract her that is.
"It wasn't me, it was a red dot that started this!"
>Celestia raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.
>emergencyresponse.jar
"Yeah, it was a red dot, like-"
>Que fake and overdramatic gasp.
"-Like that one right there!"
>pleaseturnaroundpleaseturnaroundpleaseturnaround
>She turns around.
>You whip out your laser pointer and shine it against the far wall of her bedroom.
>"W-what is that?!"
>You flick your wrist so that the dot shines out the door to her chambers.
>Scrambling to her hooves, she takes off after the dot.
>"Wait!"
>topkek.jpg
>It's gonna be a fun couple of days.

https://pastebin.com/yx3h6QZy
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