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Wanda Sykes- Not Normal (2019) eng

Jun 6th, 2019
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  3. INDOXXI
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  5.  
  6. 1
  7. 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,260
  8. Ladies and gentlemen...
  9.  
  10. 2
  11. 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,264
  12. Wanda Sykes!
  13.  
  14. 3
  15. 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:31,614
  16. Yes.
  17.  
  18. 4
  19. 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,200
  20. Yes.
  21.  
  22. 5
  23. 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:35,910
  24. Thank you.
  25.  
  26. 6
  27. 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,663
  28. New York.
  29.  
  30. 7
  31. 00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:41,916
  32. New York.
  33.  
  34. 8
  35. 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,503
  36. Oh, my goodness.
  37.  
  38. 9
  39. 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,380
  40. So...
  41.  
  42. 10
  43. 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,759
  44. let me just start by saying...
  45.  
  46. 11
  47. 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,720
  48. if you voted for Trump...
  49.  
  50. 12
  51. 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,018
  52. ...and you came to see me...
  53.  
  54. 13
  55. 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,151
  56. Â
  57.  
  58. 14
  59. 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:18,578
  60. ...you fucked up again.
  61.  
  62. 15
  63. 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:31,007
  64. This shit's not normal, y'all.
  65.  
  66. 16
  67. 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,552
  68. It's not normal. Come on.
  69.  
  70. 17
  71. 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:37,472
  72. The lying, the tweeting,
  73.  
  74. 18
  75. 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,557
  76. the playdates with dictators.
  77.  
  78. 19
  79. 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,642
  80. Come on.
  81.  
  82. 20
  83. 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,269
  84. This shit is not normal.
  85.  
  86. 21
  87. 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,188
  88. It's not normal
  89.  
  90. 22
  91. 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:49,067
  92. that I know
  93. that I'm smarter than the president.
  94.  
  95. 23
  96. 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,576
  97. That's not normal.
  98.  
  99. 24
  100. 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,287
  101. Come on. In the Mueller investigation,
  102.  
  103. 25
  104. 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:06,167
  105. how does he not know
  106. that he's Individual Number One?
  107.  
  108. 26
  109. 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,297
  110. Come on.
  111.  
  112. 27
  113. 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,676
  114. Everybody who's been indicted
  115. or going to jail,
  116.  
  117. 28
  118. 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:18,972
  119. Papadopoulos, Gates, Flynn, Manafort,
  120.  
  121. 29
  122. 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,141
  123. it all says in the Mueller report
  124.  
  125. 30
  126. 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:26,146
  127. that they co-conspired
  128. with Individual Number One.
  129.  
  130. 31
  131. 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,108
  132. Motherfucker, that's you!
  133.  
  134. 32
  135. 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,329
  136. All right. Now...
  137.  
  138. 33
  139. 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:49,335
  140. if everybody
  141. you come in direct contact with...
  142.  
  143. 34
  144. 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,129
  145. gets herpes...
  146.  
  147. 35
  148. 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,803
  149. ...wouldn't you be like...
  150.  
  151. 36
  152. 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,438
  153. "Am I giving everybody herpes?"
  154.  
  155. 37
  156. 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:13,776
  157. But no.
  158.  
  159. 38
  160. 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,821
  161. President Trump tweets...
  162.  
  163. 39
  164. 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:18,990
  165. "All clear."
  166.  
  167. 40
  168. 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,370
  169. "Too bad for Individual Number One.
  170.  
  171. 41
  172. 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,874
  173. Hashtag sad."
  174.  
  175. 42
  176. 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,045
  177. No, motherfucker. You have herpes!
  178.  
  179. 43
  180. 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,964
  181. You are patient zero.
  182.  
  183. 44
  184. 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,764
  185. Trump, he doesn't even look presidential.
  186.  
  187. 45
  188. 00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:44,974
  189. He doesn't look presidential.
  190.  
  191. 46
  192. 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,895
  193. It looks like he's doingÂ
  194. an impersonation of a president.
  195.  
  196. 47
  197. 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,690
  198. He doesn't know what to do with his hands.
  199.  
  200. 48
  201. 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,817
  202. Even the way he stands there,
  203. he's just like...
  204.  
  205. 49
  206. 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:20,176
  207. He looks like those things that you put
  208. out in front of the car wash. You know...
  209.  
  210. 50
  211. 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,858
  212. Shit's not normal, y'all. It's not normal.
  213.  
  214. 51
  215. 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,820
  216. Here's another thing that's not normal.
  217.  
  218. 52
  219. 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:43,491
  220. Presidents, they all age
  221. while in office, right?
  222.  
  223. 53
  224. 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,119
  225. They age while in office,
  226.  
  227. 54
  228. 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:51,416
  229. because the job is so fucking stressful
  230. that it affects you physically.
  231.  
  232. 55
  233. 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:53,376
  234. We've seen it. Obama...
  235.  
  236. 56
  237. 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,838
  238. First two years,
  239. President Obama went totally gray.
  240.  
  241. 57
  242. 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,798
  243. His face started drooping.
  244.  
  245. 58
  246. 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,675
  247. He got all droopy in the face.
  248.  
  249. 59
  250. 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,595
  251. One time, I was like, "Is that
  252. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? Who the fuck..."
  253.  
  254. 60
  255. 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,687
  256. "Is that what...
  257. Misha, is that Kareem? What the hell?"
  258.  
  259. 61
  260. 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:18,860
  261. George W. Bush, he shrunk four inches.
  262.  
  263. 62
  264. 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,450
  265. At one point, he was looking like Gollum
  266. from The Lord of the Rings.
  267.  
  268. 63
  269. 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,578
  270. "Ah, my precious!
  271.  
  272. 64
  273. 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,706
  274. My precious!"
  275.  
  276. 65
  277. 00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,127
  278. Bill Clinton.
  279.  
  280. 66
  281. 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:39,172
  282. He grew that bulb on the tip of his nose.
  283.  
  284. 67
  285. 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,757
  286. What the fuck was that?
  287.  
  288. 68
  289. 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,930
  290. Bill Clinton looked like the man
  291. on the Operation board.
  292.  
  293. 69
  294. 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:03,404
  295. But not Trump. Nope. Mm-mm.
  296. He's on executive time.
  297.  
  298. 70
  299. 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:06,699
  300. Trump hasn't aged.
  301.  
  302. 71
  303. 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,159
  304. But we have.
  305.  
  306. 72
  307. 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,962
  308. He is fucking us up.
  309.  
  310. 73
  311. 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,173
  312. Everybody's looking older.
  313.  
  314. 74
  315. 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:26,177
  316. My God. I was in my car,
  317. I saw a billboard.
  318.  
  319. 75
  320. 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,470
  321. "Cher, Vegas."
  322.  
  323. 76
  324. 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,307
  325. I was like, "Oh, shit,
  326. that's on my bucket list. I'm going."
  327.  
  328. 77
  329. 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,352
  330. I get to the stop light, I look back up,
  331. I was like...
  332.  
  333. 78
  334. 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:38,147
  335. "Oh, damn, that's Ariana Grande.
  336. What the hell?"
  337.  
  338. 79
  339. 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,780
  340. He's fucking us up.
  341.  
  342. 80
  343. 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,618
  344. You know how they say
  345. some women have resting bitch face?
  346.  
  347. 81
  348. 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,831
  349. Well, Trump has given me
  350. resting "what the fuck?" face.
  351.  
  352. 82
  353. 00:06:56,582 --> 00:07:00,545
  354. Every morning, I'm looking in the mirror
  355. like, "What the fuck? What..."
  356.  
  357. 83
  358. 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,964
  359. I got crow's feet.
  360.  
  361. 84
  362. 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,758
  363. I got a fucking divot in my forehead.
  364.  
  365. 85
  366. 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,178
  367. He has cracked black.
  368.  
  369. 86
  370. 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,228
  371. That's...
  372.  
  373. 87
  374. 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,230
  375. That's damn near impossible.
  376.  
  377. 88
  378. 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,234
  379. I was like, "We got to get rid of him.
  380.  
  381. 89
  382. 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,903
  383. Two more years,
  384. I'mma to look like Cicely Tyson."
  385.  
  386. 90
  387. 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,789
  388. She look good, but I ain't ready.
  389.  
  390. 91
  391. 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,208
  392. I ain't ready to go there.
  393.  
  394. 92
  395. 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:48,634
  396. If someone offered me a deal tonight
  397. and said, "Wanda, here's your deal.
  398.  
  399. 93
  400. 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,595
  401. You keep Trump for two more years...
  402.  
  403. 94
  404. 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,930
  405. or we'll switch him out tonight
  406.  
  407. 95
  408. 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,766
  409. with R&B singer Bobby Brown..."
  410.  
  411. 96
  412. 00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:01,898
  413. Without batting an eye,
  414. I'm taking Bobby Brown.
  415.  
  416. 97
  417. 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,612
  418. I'm taking Bobby Brown.
  419.  
  420. 98
  421. 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,031
  422. Bobby Brown is a proven talent.
  423.  
  424. 99
  425. 00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:12,783
  426. We know what he can do. Right?
  427.  
  428. 100
  429. 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,494
  430. Trump, uh-uh.
  431.  
  432. 101
  433. 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,580
  434. We respect Bobby Brown.
  435. Nobody respects Trump.
  436.  
  437. 102
  438. 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,457
  439. You know how I know
  440. they don't respect him?
  441.  
  442. 103
  443. 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:23,503
  444. Because they let him
  445. walk up on Air Force One
  446.  
  447. 104
  448. 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,464
  449. with toilet paper on the back of his shoe.
  450.  
  451. 105
  452. 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:40,978
  453. You would stop a stranger
  454. to get toilet paper off their shoe.
  455.  
  456. 106
  457. 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:50,780
  458. I've been in airports and, like,
  459. tracked people down for ten gates...
  460.  
  461. 107
  462. 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:51,906
  463. like, oh...
  464.  
  465. 108
  466. 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:58,454
  467. ...to get this toilet paper off your shoe.
  468.  
  469. 109
  470. 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:06,921
  471. I bet you there's been murderers
  472. on their way to the electric chair...
  473.  
  474. 110
  475. 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,926
  476. passing the guards
  477. with toilet paper on their shoes...
  478.  
  479. 111
  480. 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,135
  481. and the guards are like,
  482.  
  483. 112
  484. 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,472
  485. "Yeah, you motherfucker,
  486. you deserve all of this. I hope...
  487.  
  488. 113
  489. 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,976
  490. Oh, hold up, man, hold on.
  491. Let me get this off your shoe."
  492.  
  493. 114
  494. 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,274
  495. "Can't let you go out like that."
  496.  
  497. 115
  498. 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,237
  499. "It's embarrassing, man."
  500.  
  501. 116
  502. 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,785
  503. Trump passed Marine guards...
  504.  
  505. 117
  506. 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,580
  507. on his way.
  508.  
  509. 118
  510. 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:41,831
  511. Marine guards.
  512.  
  513. 119
  514. 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,041
  515. These people see everything.
  516.  
  517. 120
  518. 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,836
  519. They areÂ
  520. the sharpest motherfuckers on the planet.
  521.  
  522. 121
  523. 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,297
  524. But they let him ascend...
  525.  
  526. 122
  527. 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,637
  528. ...up to Air Force One,
  529.  
  530. 123
  531. 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,807
  532. the plane that represents America...
  533.  
  534. 124
  535. 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:03,894
  536. with toilet paper on the back of his shoe.
  537.  
  538. 125
  539. 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,573
  540. And they just stood there.
  541.  
  542. 126
  543. 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,620
  544. "You see that?"
  545. "Yeah, I see it. I see it."
  546.  
  547. 127
  548. 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,166
  549. "I think it's a good look for him."
  550.  
  551. 128
  552. 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,256
  553. And he's always on Air Force One.
  554.  
  555. 129
  556. 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,591
  557. Never in the White House.
  558.  
  559. 130
  560. 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:36,677
  561. Always running off,
  562. Mar-a-Lago or somewhere,
  563.  
  564. 131
  565. 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,387
  566. costing us all kind of money.
  567.  
  568. 132
  569. 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,099
  570. Hey, I was like, "We should just
  571. put the White House on Airbnb."
  572.  
  573. 133
  574. 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,648
  575. "Maybe we'll get somebody good in there."
  576.  
  577. 134
  578. 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,450
  579. His whole family is costing us money.
  580.  
  581. 135
  582. 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,704
  583. Yeah. Did you know
  584. that we pay for a Secret Service detail
  585.  
  586. 136
  587. 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,081
  588. for Tiffany Trump?
  589.  
  590. 137
  591. 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,169
  592. Exactly. Who the fuck is Tiffany Trump?
  593.  
  594. 138
  595. 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,092
  596. Nobody's gonna mess with Tiffany Trump.
  597.  
  598. 139
  599. 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,470
  600. She ain't on our radar.
  601.  
  602. 140
  603. 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,306
  604. Shit, she ain't even on Trump's radar.
  605.  
  606. 141
  607. 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,268
  608. We don't give a shit about Tiffany Trump.
  609.  
  610. 142
  611. 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,438
  612. Don't wanna be paying
  613. for Secret Service.Â
  614.  
  615. 143
  616. 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,817
  617. All she needs is a mall cop on a Segway.
  618.  
  619. 144
  620. 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,611
  621. Just this motherfucker.
  622.  
  623. 145
  624. 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,256
  625. "Oh, not the stairs, Tiff,
  626. not the stairs."
  627.  
  628. 146
  629. 00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:01,095
  630. Shit's not normal.
  631.  
  632. 147
  633. 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:06,976
  634. The president is in litigation
  635. with porn stars.
  636.  
  637. 148
  638. 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:11,355
  639. With porn stars!
  640. Come on, that shit's not normal.
  641.  
  642. 149
  643. 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,356
  644. What the fuck?
  645.  
  646. 150
  647. 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,943
  648. And everybody's like, "Well, you know,
  649. that's just what we doing now."
  650.  
  651. 151
  652. 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,322
  653. Really? We're putting up
  654. with this bullshit?
  655.  
  656. 152
  657. 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:25,327
  658. We were outraged when President Obama
  659. wore a tan suit to work.
  660.  
  661. 153
  662. 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,834
  663. That was the bar back then.
  664.  
  665. 154
  666. 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:36,672
  667. "Oh, how dare he come to the Oval Office
  668. so casual, in a tan suit?"
  669.  
  670. 155
  671. 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,051
  672. People were disgusted
  673.  
  674. 156
  675. 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:46,307
  676. because one of the greatest first ladies
  677. we've ever had, Michelle Obama...
  678.  
  679. 157
  680. 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,938
  681. ...she went sleeveless.
  682.  
  683. 158
  684. 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:56,567
  685. "Oh. Oh, how unbecoming of the first lady
  686.  
  687. 159
  688. 00:12:56,650 --> 00:13:00,070
  689. to wear no sleeves, to show her arms."
  690.  
  691. 160
  692. 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,113
  693. Really?
  694.  
  695. 161
  696. 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,992
  697. You gave Michelle Obama shit
  698. for that. Really?
  699.  
  700. 162
  701. 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:07,870
  702. You can GoogleÂ
  703. Melania's titties right now.
  704.  
  705. 163
  706. 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:11,999
  707. Yeah.
  708.  
  709. 164
  710. 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,417
  711. I did it.
  712.  
  713. 165
  714. 00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,470
  715. I bet you the Obamas
  716. must be beside themselves.
  717.  
  718. 166
  719. 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:27,223
  720. They must be.
  721. They must be beside themselves. I can't...
  722.  
  723. 167
  724. 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:30,768
  725. Could you imagine, like, all that shit
  726. that they went through for eight years
  727.  
  728. 168
  729. 00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:34,104
  730. and they're watching all this bullshit
  731. just go
  732.  
  733. 169
  734. 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,440
  735. and everybodyÂ
  736. just turns their heads toward it?
  737.  
  738. 170
  739. 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,399
  740. I mean, what the fuck?
  741.  
  742. 171
  743. 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,820
  744. I bet you they're in bed,
  745. watching the 11 o'clock news
  746.  
  747. 172
  748. 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,447
  749. and Michelle looks over at Barack
  750. and is like...
  751.  
  752. 173
  753. 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,077
  754. "Nigga."
  755.  
  756. 174
  757. 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,378
  758. "Porn stars? Really?
  759.  
  760. 175
  761. 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,381
  762. We gonna to talk
  763. about the porn star now."
  764.  
  765. 176
  766. 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,596
  767. She didn't put that in the book.
  768.  
  769. 177
  770. 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,438
  771. But I was confused.
  772. I was confused by the whole situation.
  773.  
  774. 178
  775. 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,857
  776. The whole porn star thing.
  777.  
  778. 179
  779. 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,694
  780. Because first of all, I was like,
  781. "Who is admitting that they fucked Trump?"
  782.  
  783. 180
  784. 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,488
  785. That's what I need to know.
  786. Who's going to admit that?
  787.  
  788. 181
  789. 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,118
  790. And then all of the hush money thing.
  791.  
  792. 182
  793. 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:32,371
  794. I said, "Okay, wait a minute.
  795. Okay, hush money was exchanged."
  796.  
  797. 183
  798. 00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:35,291
  799. And then when I saw Stormy Daniels,
  800. I was like, "Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
  801.  
  802. 184
  803. 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,459
  804. You mean to tell me he paid her?"
  805.  
  806. 185
  807. 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,962
  808. I thought she paid him
  809. to shut the fuck up.
  810.  
  811. 186
  812. 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,173
  813. 'Cause that made sense to me.
  814.  
  815. 187
  816. 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,261
  817. If I fucked Trump, he came to me and said,
  818.  
  819. 188
  820. 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,722
  821. "Okay, I'm going to give you, um...
  822.  
  823. 189
  824. 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:54,518
  825. 130,000 not to say anything,"
  826.  
  827. 190
  828. 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,146
  829. I'd be like,
  830. "Bitch, I was about to give you 250."
  831.  
  832. 191
  833. 00:14:58,814 --> 00:14:59,982
  834. Shit.
  835.  
  836. 192
  837. 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:11,577
  838. If I ever fucked Trump, I'm telling you,
  839. I'm taking that to the grave.
  840.  
  841. 193
  842. 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:16,832
  843. That's going to the grave and beyond.
  844.  
  845. 194
  846. 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:23,464
  847. I'd be walking around Heaven,
  848. I'd look Jesus right in the eye...
  849.  
  850. 195
  851. 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,257
  852. "Huh?"
  853.  
  854. 196
  855. 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:28,761
  856. "What?
  857.  
  858. 197
  859. 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:31,680
  860. Me?
  861.  
  862. 198
  863. 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:35,935
  864. Wasn't me, Jesus."
  865.  
  866. 199
  867. 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,318
  868. "You must have turned
  869. too much water into wine that day."
  870.  
  871. 200
  872. 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,750
  873. But you know what?
  874.  
  875. 201
  876. 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:03,545
  877. I believe
  878. that everything happens for a reason.
  879.  
  880. 202
  881. 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,756
  882. Everything happens for a reason.
  883.  
  884. 203
  885. 00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,592
  886. Because of Trump being president...
  887.  
  888. 204
  889. 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:13,973
  890. we sent more women
  891. to Congress than ever before.
  892.  
  893. 205
  894. 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,940
  895. That's because of Trump. Thank you, Trump.
  896.  
  897. 206
  898. 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,117
  899. All kinds of women.
  900.  
  901. 207
  902. 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:38,122
  903. African-American, Native American,
  904. Asian-American, Muslims. Yes.
  905.  
  906. 208
  907. 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,293
  908. It's funny looking at Congress now.
  909.  
  910. 209
  911. 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,588
  912. All those beautiful women in there
  913. and all those old white guys.
  914.  
  915. 210
  916. 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,092
  917. It looks like the cast of Cocoon...
  918.  
  919. 211
  920. 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:57,141
  921. ...meets the cast of
  922. any Shonda Rhimes show.
  923.  
  924. 212
  925. 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,566
  926. We are gonna be all right.
  927. We gonna be all right.
  928.  
  929. 213
  930. 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,527
  931. We're just in a fight right now.
  932. We're just in a fight.
  933.  
  934. 214
  935. 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:12,072
  936. And when you're in a fight, big thing,
  937. you got to stay consistent.
  938.  
  939. 215
  940. 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,241
  941. You got to stay consistent, ladies.
  942.  
  943. 216
  944. 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,868
  945. Especially us. That's right.
  946.  
  947. 217
  948. 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,703
  949. So, you know...
  950.  
  951. 218
  952. 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,123
  953. You can't be out there
  954. at the Women's March,
  955.  
  956. 219
  957. 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,292
  958. "Fuck Harvey, yeah!
  959.  
  960. 220
  961. 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,045
  962. Equal pay!
  963. Yeah, we got to get equal pay!"
  964.  
  965. 221
  966. 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,131
  967. and then be like, "Ooh, girl, I gotÂ
  968. to get home and watch The Bachelor."
  969.  
  970. 222
  971. 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:34,219
  972. No.
  973.  
  974. 223
  975. 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:41,643
  976. The Bachelor cannot coexist
  977.  
  978. 224
  979. 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,021
  980. with Time's Up, Me Too.
  981.  
  982. 225
  983. 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,607
  984. You can't have it. No.
  985.  
  986. 226
  987. 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,488
  988. The only time you hear, "Me too,"
  989. on The Bachelor
  990.  
  991. 227
  992. 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:55,532
  993. is if somebody says, "I have chlamydia."
  994.  
  995. 228
  996. 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,669
  997. Got to let The Bachelor go.
  998.  
  999. 229
  1000. 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:11,548
  1001. I know some of you are like, "Well, Wanda,
  1002. it's just entertainment. It's a TV show."
  1003.  
  1004. 230
  1005. 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:15,803
  1006. Yeah, I know. But it promotes bad behavior
  1007. and it makes women look stupid.
  1008.  
  1009. 231
  1010. 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,387
  1011. It's got to go.
  1012.  
  1013. 232
  1014. 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,313
  1015. It's got all these women, you know,
  1016. all these women gathered,
  1017.  
  1018. 233
  1019. 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:29,399
  1020. trying to all vie
  1021. for this one little shitty dude.
  1022.  
  1023. 234
  1024. 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:35,197
  1025. And he's actively dating all of them
  1026. right in front of your face.
  1027.  
  1028. 235
  1029. 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,574
  1030. And you know
  1031. he's sleeping with all of 'em.
  1032.  
  1033. 236
  1034. 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,160
  1035. And the women just standing around like...
  1036.  
  1037. 237
  1038. 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,829
  1039. "When is he gonna fuck me?"
  1040.  
  1041. 238
  1042. 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,416
  1043. "When do I get my one-on-one?"
  1044.  
  1045. 239
  1046. 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,796
  1047. I have more respect for strippers
  1048.  
  1049. 240
  1050. 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,798
  1051. than I do for women
  1052. who go on The Bachelor.
  1053.  
  1054. 241
  1055. 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,347
  1056. I do. What the hell?
  1057.  
  1058. 242
  1059. 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,642
  1060. And then they try to make it
  1061. like it's some fairy tale.
  1062.  
  1063. 243
  1064. 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:06,061
  1065. You know. With the rose ceremony.
  1066.  
  1067. 244
  1068. 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:10,065
  1069. Oh, if he wants you to stay,
  1070. he'll give you a rose.
  1071.  
  1072. 245
  1073. 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:12,401
  1074. I say bullshit.
  1075.  
  1076. 246
  1077. 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,363
  1078. I want them to show it for what it is.
  1079.  
  1080. 247
  1081. 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:20,033
  1082. Instead of the rose ceremony,
  1083. I want them to line all the women up...
  1084.  
  1085. 248
  1086. 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,828
  1087. and if he wants you to stay,
  1088.  
  1089. 249
  1090. 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,788
  1091. he will tap you on your forehead.
  1092.  
  1093. 250
  1094. 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,087
  1095. With his dick.
  1096.  
  1097. 251
  1098. 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,502
  1099. "Oh, yes! Yes!
  1100.  
  1101. 252
  1102. 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,006
  1103. I'm staying! I'm staying, yeah!"
  1104.  
  1105. 253
  1106. 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:28,977
  1107. You know, y'all,
  1108. I really thought I knew my country.
  1109.  
  1110. 254
  1111. 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,562
  1112. I was like, "I really..."
  1113.  
  1114. 255
  1115. 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:33,440
  1116. I was like, "I know America.
  1117. I know who we are."
  1118.  
  1119. 256
  1120. 00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,442
  1121. Right? I really thought that.
  1122.  
  1123. 257
  1124. 00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,778
  1125. But nope. It fooled me.
  1126.  
  1127. 258
  1128. 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,407
  1129. When it was confirmed
  1130. that Russia indeed attacked us...
  1131.  
  1132. 259
  1133. 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:46,119
  1134. They... They interfered with our election.
  1135.  
  1136. 260
  1137. 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:49,081
  1138. - That's right.
  1139. - I said, "Oh, shit, here we go.
  1140.  
  1141. 261
  1142. 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:52,793
  1143. Here comes the America I know and love.
  1144. Here we go."
  1145.  
  1146. 262
  1147. 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,544
  1148. 'Cause this is what we do.
  1149.  
  1150. 263
  1151. 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:59,299
  1152. When we are attacked,
  1153. we stop the bullshit and we unite.
  1154.  
  1155. 264
  1156. 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,260
  1157. That's what we're supposed to do, right?
  1158.  
  1159. 265
  1160. 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:08,517
  1161. It's like when Cardi B
  1162. is beefing with Nicki Minaj...
  1163.  
  1164. 266
  1165. 00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:11,895
  1166. ...and then Taylor Swift pops off.
  1167.  
  1168. 267
  1169. 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:18,318
  1170. Cardi B and Nicki are like, "Okay, Nicki,
  1171. we're gonna put this on pause, right?
  1172.  
  1173. 268
  1174. 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,821
  1175. And let's go drag that ho."
  1176.  
  1177. 269
  1178. 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,742
  1179. "Okurrr."
  1180.  
  1181. 270
  1182. 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,130
  1183. But we didn't do that.
  1184.  
  1185. 271
  1186. 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:39,840
  1187. I was waiting for it.
  1188.  
  1189. 272
  1190. 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:42,676
  1191. I was like, "Oh, shit,
  1192. here come the crazy. Here we go."
  1193.  
  1194. 273
  1195. 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:43,593
  1196. I thought for sure...
  1197.  
  1198. 274
  1199. 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:46,847
  1200. I was like, "Uh-oh, there ain't gonna be
  1201. no more Russian salad dressing."
  1202.  
  1203. 275
  1204. 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:58,108
  1205. "We gonna to start
  1206. booing Russian hockey players."
  1207.  
  1208. 276
  1209. 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:02,821
  1210. I was like, "Oh, boy. Uber's gonna be
  1211. missing a whole lot of drivers."
  1212.  
  1213. 277
  1214. 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:08,785
  1215. But no, none of that happened.
  1216.  
  1217. 278
  1218. 00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,121
  1219. I'm like, "Y'all, Russia attacked us."
  1220.  
  1221. 279
  1222. 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:14,458
  1223. And everybody's like,
  1224. "Yeah, but have you had a Moscow Mule?
  1225.  
  1226. 280
  1227. 00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:15,959
  1228. They are delicious."
  1229.  
  1230. 281
  1231. 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:22,716
  1232. It's like...Â
  1233. It's like we've forgotten history.
  1234.  
  1235. 282
  1236. 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,135
  1237. Russia hates us.
  1238.  
  1239. 283
  1240. 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,804
  1241. We broke up the Soviet Union.
  1242.  
  1243. 284
  1244. 00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:31,683
  1245. We broke up the Soviet Union.
  1246.  
  1247. 285
  1248. 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,353
  1249. We gave them Boris Yeltsin.
  1250.  
  1251. 286
  1252. 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:40,025
  1253. Boris Yeltsin was a drunk. He was a big
  1254. embarrassment as a president for them.
  1255.  
  1256. 287
  1257. 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:41,943
  1258. But it makes sense now.
  1259.  
  1260. 288
  1261. 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,779
  1262. We gave them Boris Yeltsin.
  1263.  
  1264. 289
  1265. 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,572
  1266. They paid us back with Trump.
  1267.  
  1268. 290
  1269. 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,249
  1270. Forget that.
  1271. We forget all about that shit.
  1272.  
  1273. 291
  1274. 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:58,085
  1275. And Russia, they sneaky.
  1276.  
  1277. 292
  1278. 00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,212
  1279. Them some sneaky motherfuckers.
  1280.  
  1281. 293
  1282. 00:23:00,837 --> 00:23:03,173
  1283. Who else would think
  1284. of those little stacking dolls?
  1285.  
  1286. 294
  1287. 00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:04,299
  1288. What the fuck is that?
  1289.  
  1290. 295
  1291. 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,803
  1292. All those damn nesting dolls.
  1293. That's some sneaky shit.
  1294.  
  1295. 296
  1296. 00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:10,889
  1297. "Oh, here's another one." "Open it again."
  1298.  
  1299. 297
  1300. 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:15,560
  1301. "It's another one! And another one!
  1302.  
  1303. 298
  1304. 00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:16,895
  1305. And another one!
  1306.  
  1307. 299
  1308. 00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:19,314
  1309. Okay, this is the last one, right?
  1310.  
  1311. 300
  1312. 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,651
  1313. God damn, there's another one!"
  1314.  
  1315. 301
  1316. 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,361
  1317. "Y'all are some sneaky motherfuckers.
  1318.  
  1319. 302
  1320. 00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:26,196
  1321. God damn! There's another one!
  1322.  
  1323. 303
  1324. 00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:29,783
  1325. Wait, this is the last one?
  1326. This the last one? Wait a minute.
  1327.  
  1328. 304
  1329. 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,244
  1330. Ooh, is this the pee-pee tapes?"
  1331.  
  1332. 305
  1333. 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:38,458
  1334. Sneaky.
  1335.  
  1336. 306
  1337. 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:42,045
  1338. But Russia, they knew.
  1339. They knew how to attack us.
  1340.  
  1341. 307
  1342. 00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:43,880
  1343. They know our weakness.
  1344.  
  1345. 308
  1346. 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,425
  1347. Race. Yes.
  1348.  
  1349. 309
  1350. 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,428
  1351. That's our Achilles' heel. Race.
  1352.  
  1353. 310
  1354. 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,221
  1355. That's it.
  1356.  
  1357. 311
  1358. 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:55,183
  1359. So they brought out Trump
  1360. to rally the racists.
  1361.  
  1362. 312
  1363. 00:23:55,725 --> 00:23:57,436
  1364. Exactly what they did.
  1365.  
  1366. 313
  1367. 00:23:57,519 --> 00:24:00,313
  1368. That fucking wall... That wall is racist.
  1369.  
  1370. 314
  1371. 00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:01,690
  1372. That wall is...
  1373.  
  1374. 315
  1375. 00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,817
  1376. It ain't about protecting your borders.
  1377.  
  1378. 316
  1379. 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:05,652
  1380. It ain't about protecting our borders.
  1381.  
  1382. 317
  1383. 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:13,577
  1384. He'll tell you, "Oh, well, we want theÂ
  1385. wall 'cause it keeps out all the gangs
  1386.  
  1387. 318
  1388. 00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:16,371
  1389. and the... and the opioid crisis."
  1390.  
  1391. 319
  1392. 00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:20,208
  1393. Yeah. That's a message to white people.
  1394.  
  1395. 320
  1396. 00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:22,127
  1397. That's for white people.
  1398.  
  1399. 321
  1400. 00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:23,712
  1401. Opioid crisis.
  1402.  
  1403. 322
  1404. 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:28,008
  1405. Because of racism, black people,
  1406. we don't even get our hands on opioids.
  1407.  
  1408. 323
  1409. 00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:32,220
  1410. They don't even give 'em to us.
  1411.  
  1412. 324
  1413. 00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:36,308
  1414. White people get opioids
  1415. like they're Tic Tacs.
  1416.  
  1417. 325
  1418. 00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:42,856
  1419. It amazes me how many opioids
  1420. you motherfuckers have.
  1421.  
  1422. 326
  1423. 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:47,736
  1424. I'm at work, I'm sitting in a writers'
  1425. room with a bunch of white people, right?
  1426.  
  1427. 327
  1428. 00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:49,321
  1429. And I'm like, "Damn, I got a headache."
  1430.  
  1431. 328
  1432. 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,618
  1433. White people start pulling out
  1434. all kind of pills and shit.
  1435.  
  1436. 329
  1437. 00:24:54,701 --> 00:24:58,371
  1438. Just fucking loose pills in Ziploc bags.
  1439.  
  1440. 330
  1441. 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:04,503
  1442. "Would you like an oxycodone?
  1443. I got oxycodone."
  1444.  
  1445. 331
  1446. 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:07,881
  1447. "No, she should take a Percocet.
  1448. She should take a Percocet."
  1449.  
  1450. 332
  1451. 00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:11,510
  1452. Oh, other girl over there
  1453. preparing a needle.
  1454.  
  1455. 333
  1456. 00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:12,802
  1457. "Give me your arm."
  1458.  
  1459. 334
  1460. 00:25:19,976 --> 00:25:21,144
  1461. What the fuck?
  1462.  
  1463. 335
  1464. 00:25:21,811 --> 00:25:24,189
  1465. White people get the opioids.
  1466.  
  1467. 336
  1468. 00:25:24,814 --> 00:25:27,484
  1469. There was a study... It's racism.
  1470.  
  1471. 337
  1472. 00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:29,903
  1473. There was a study
  1474. and it showed that doctors,
  1475.  
  1476. 338
  1477. 00:25:29,986 --> 00:25:32,781
  1478. they actually prescribe opioids...
  1479.  
  1480. 339
  1481. 00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:35,200
  1482. frequently to white people
  1483. than they do to blacks.
  1484.  
  1485. 340
  1486. 00:25:35,283 --> 00:25:36,701
  1487. They don't give us opioids.
  1488.  
  1489. 341
  1490. 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,078
  1491. Because they are sympathetic.
  1492.  
  1493. 342
  1494. 00:25:38,161 --> 00:25:41,540
  1495. They're like, "Oh, this white person,
  1496. they're in such pain.
  1497.  
  1498. 343
  1499. 00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:45,168
  1500. I hate to see white people hurting."
  1501.  
  1502. 344
  1503. 00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:50,257
  1504. "They can't handle this pain. Let me...
  1505.  
  1506. 345
  1507. 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:53,885
  1508. Here, let me give you this.
  1509. Let me give you these opioids.
  1510.  
  1511. 346
  1512. 00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:55,971
  1513. Get that pain away."
  1514.  
  1515. 347
  1516. 00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,519
  1517. They don't give us the opioids.
  1518.  
  1519. 348
  1520. 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:04,729
  1521. They're like,Â
  1522. "Ah, you can take it. Walk it off."
  1523.  
  1524. 349
  1525. 00:26:08,692 --> 00:26:11,027
  1526. I had a double mastectomy.
  1527.  
  1528. 350
  1529. 00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:14,531
  1530. You know
  1531. what they sent my black ass home with?
  1532.  
  1533. 351
  1534. 00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:18,285
  1535. Ibu-fucking-profen.
  1536.  
  1537. 352
  1538. 00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,842
  1539. Shit, to get some opioids,
  1540.  
  1541. 353
  1542. 00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:36,803
  1543. a black person will have to show up
  1544. in the emergency room
  1545.  
  1546. 354
  1547. 00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:39,598
  1548. holding they own head
  1549. detached from the body.
  1550.  
  1551. 355
  1552. 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,933
  1553. "Uh... uh...
  1554.  
  1555. 356
  1556. 00:26:42,976 --> 00:26:45,687
  1557. Excuse me. Can I get some help out here?
  1558.  
  1559. 357
  1560. 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:49,441
  1561. My body's still in the car, but, uh..."
  1562.  
  1563. 358
  1564. 00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:58,491
  1565. Got to...
  1566.  
  1567. 359
  1568. 00:26:58,783 --> 00:27:02,370
  1569. Got to treat opioid addicts. You do.
  1570. Got to treat them.
  1571.  
  1572. 360
  1573. 00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,165
  1574. We weren't trying to treat crackheads,
  1575. were we?
  1576.  
  1577. 361
  1578. 00:27:05,248 --> 00:27:10,420
  1579. No, we were capturing crackheads, lockingÂ
  1580. up crackheads. Weren't treating them.
  1581.  
  1582. 362
  1583. 00:27:10,503 --> 00:27:14,841
  1584. You didn't see anybody busting down
  1585. the door of a crack house, boom,
  1586.  
  1587. 363
  1588. 00:27:14,924 --> 00:27:17,927
  1589. "Okay, where's the crackheads?
  1590. I need to check your blood pressure."
  1591.  
  1592. 364
  1593. 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:25,435
  1594. "Let's all sit in a little crack circle
  1595. and talk about our feelings."
  1596.  
  1597. 365
  1598. 00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:31,816
  1599. "Let's get to the root of this.
  1600.  
  1601. 366
  1602. 00:27:32,734 --> 00:27:34,861
  1603. Pookie, would you like to start first?"
  1604.  
  1605. 367
  1606. 00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:43,953
  1607. Racism. We got to deal with it.
  1608.  
  1609. 368
  1610. 00:27:44,037 --> 00:27:48,958
  1611. It is going to be the demise of our
  1612. country if we don't fucking deal with it.
  1613.  
  1614. 369
  1615. 00:27:54,881 --> 00:27:56,508
  1616. Look, I'm from Virginia, right?
  1617.  
  1618. 370
  1619. 00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:59,511
  1620. And whenever I go home...
  1621.  
  1622. 371
  1623. 00:27:59,594 --> 00:28:00,679
  1624. Wait a minute.
  1625.  
  1626. 372
  1627. 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:18,279
  1628. Off of 95...
  1629.  
  1630. 373
  1631. 00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:24,035
  1632. right outside Chester, Virginia,
  1633. there is a big, giant Confederate flag.
  1634.  
  1635. 374
  1636. 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,287
  1637. Big Confederate flag.
  1638.  
  1639. 375
  1640. 00:28:26,371 --> 00:28:31,543
  1641. Every time I go home and I pass that flag,
  1642. it hurts me to my core.
  1643.  
  1644. 376
  1645. 00:28:31,626 --> 00:28:33,253
  1646. It fucking hurts.
  1647.  
  1648. 377
  1649. 00:28:33,336 --> 00:28:37,173
  1650. 'Cause it's racist.
  1651. It's racist and it's wrong.
  1652.  
  1653. 378
  1654. 00:28:42,429 --> 00:28:44,180
  1655. And I'm sick of this bullshit
  1656.  
  1657. 379
  1658. 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:47,058
  1659. of, "Well, that's part
  1660. of my Southern heritage."
  1661.  
  1662. 380
  1663. 00:28:47,142 --> 00:28:50,979
  1664. Well, your heritage is shitty.
  1665. It's garbage.
  1666.  
  1667. 381
  1668. 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:54,065
  1669. Your heritage is trash.
  1670.  
  1671. 382
  1672. 00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:04,117
  1673. The atrocities that happened under
  1674. that flag, are you proud of that shit?
  1675.  
  1676. 383
  1677. 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,660
  1678. - Yeah.
  1679. - What the fuck?
  1680.  
  1681. 384
  1682. 00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:09,664
  1683. There are so many other things
  1684. about the South that you can be proud of.
  1685.  
  1686. 385
  1687. 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:11,666
  1688. Right? Moonshine.
  1689.  
  1690. 386
  1691. 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:19,507
  1692. Dollywood. Come on.
  1693.  
  1694. 387
  1695. 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,678
  1696. You got to love
  1697. Dolly Parton and Dollywood.
  1698.  
  1699. 388
  1700. 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,764
  1701. Clay Aiken. Come on.
  1702.  
  1703. 389
  1704. 00:29:28,433 --> 00:29:30,727
  1705. Why don't you tear down those statues
  1706.  
  1707. 390
  1708. 00:29:30,810 --> 00:29:34,272
  1709. and put up a statue of Clay Aiken
  1710. drinking moonshine,
  1711.  
  1712. 391
  1713. 00:29:34,355 --> 00:29:36,232
  1714. wearing a Dollywood t-shirt?
  1715.  
  1716. 392
  1717. 00:29:43,072 --> 00:29:46,534
  1718. Race means a lot. It does.
  1719. I think about it a lot,
  1720.  
  1721. 393
  1722. 00:29:47,118 --> 00:29:49,120
  1723. just because of the makeup of my family.
  1724.  
  1725. 394
  1726. 00:29:49,579 --> 00:29:54,125
  1727. Look, I'm married to a white French woman
  1728. and we have two white kids.
  1729.  
  1730. 395
  1731. 00:29:54,209 --> 00:29:55,835
  1732. - Woo!
  1733. - Yeah.
  1734.  
  1735. 396
  1736. 00:29:58,254 --> 00:30:01,341
  1737. And now white supremacy is on the rise.
  1738.  
  1739. 397
  1740. 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:04,886
  1741. And I'm living
  1742. with a house full of white people.
  1743.  
  1744. 398
  1745. 00:30:12,894 --> 00:30:15,522
  1746. I took them to DC over Thanksgiving break.
  1747.  
  1748. 399
  1749. 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:18,149
  1750. I took them to DC
  1751. and we went to the museum,
  1752.  
  1753. 400
  1754. 00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:21,402
  1755. the National Museum of African-American
  1756. History and Culture. Yeah.
  1757.  
  1758. 401
  1759. 00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:24,072
  1760. Oh, beautiful museum.
  1761.  
  1762. 402
  1763. 00:30:24,155 --> 00:30:27,784
  1764. I'm telling you, you got to go.
  1765. If you're in DC go to this museum.
  1766.  
  1767. 403
  1768. 00:30:27,867 --> 00:30:29,494
  1769. Seriously. Yeah.
  1770.  
  1771. 404
  1772. 00:30:31,412 --> 00:30:33,581
  1773. I see the white people are like...
  1774.  
  1775. 405
  1776. 00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:49,097
  1777. "It's gonna make me sad."
  1778.  
  1779. 406
  1780. 00:30:56,312 --> 00:30:58,565
  1781. "I don't want to be sad. Oh."
  1782.  
  1783. 407
  1784. 00:31:00,775 --> 00:31:02,277
  1785. It made me proud.
  1786.  
  1787. 408
  1788. 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,863
  1789. It made me proud. Yeah.
  1790.  
  1791. 409
  1792. 00:31:06,281 --> 00:31:09,117
  1793. It just reaffirmed what I always knew.
  1794.  
  1795. 410
  1796. 00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:11,411
  1797. I was like, "I can do anything."
  1798.  
  1799. 411
  1800. 00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:13,580
  1801. I can do anything.
  1802.  
  1803. 412
  1804. 00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:18,084
  1805. To come from
  1806. people who survived all that shit
  1807.  
  1808. 413
  1809. 00:31:18,167 --> 00:31:20,378
  1810. and we still here and kicking it,
  1811.  
  1812. 414
  1813. 00:31:20,461 --> 00:31:22,630
  1814. I'm like, "Pff, I can do anything."
  1815.  
  1816. 415
  1817. 00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,799
  1818. Yeah. I can...
  1819.  
  1820. 416
  1821. 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,301
  1822. I can do anything.
  1823.  
  1824. 417
  1825. 00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:31,472
  1826. I know this.
  1827.  
  1828. 418
  1829. 00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:34,517
  1830. And that's why you don't see
  1831. a lot of black folks
  1832.  
  1833. 419
  1834. 00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:38,605
  1835. on, like, those survival-type
  1836. reality shows.
  1837.  
  1838. 420
  1839. 00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:42,358
  1840. We don't need to fuck around like that.
  1841.  
  1842. 421
  1843. 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:48,114
  1844. Man Vs. Wild, Doomsday Preppers.
  1845.  
  1846. 422
  1847. 00:31:48,197 --> 00:31:49,365
  1848. No, thank you.
  1849.  
  1850. 423
  1851. 00:31:50,658 --> 00:31:52,160
  1852. We leave that for y'all.
  1853.  
  1854. 424
  1855. 00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:58,499
  1856. Black folks can get the same exhilaration
  1857. just by driving around on expired tags.
  1858.  
  1859. 425
  1860. 00:32:07,383 --> 00:32:11,346
  1861. But one of my favorite ones to watch
  1862. is Naked and Afraid. That's the best one.
  1863.  
  1864. 426
  1865. 00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:16,851
  1866. If you haven't seen Naked and Afraid,
  1867. treat yo self.
  1868.  
  1869. 427
  1870. 00:32:18,895 --> 00:32:20,688
  1871. They take a man and a woman
  1872.  
  1873. 428
  1874. 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:25,985
  1875. and they drop them off on someÂ
  1876. uninhabitable island or, you know, desert
  1877.  
  1878. 429
  1879. 00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:28,154
  1880. or Florida and, uh...
  1881.  
  1882. 430
  1883. 00:32:35,703 --> 00:32:38,539
  1884. You know, like the Everglades.
  1885. You know, the swamps. Yeah.
  1886.  
  1887. 431
  1888. 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,124
  1889. They drop them off in there.
  1890.  
  1891. 432
  1892. 00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:44,629
  1893. They got to get butt naked
  1894. and they have to survive for 21 days.
  1895.  
  1896. 433
  1897. 00:32:44,712 --> 00:32:46,172
  1898. And they get to bring one item.
  1899.  
  1900. 434
  1901. 00:32:46,255 --> 00:32:51,552
  1902. Usually, the guy shows up with some crazy
  1903. knife or custom-made ax or something.
  1904.  
  1905. 435
  1906. 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:56,975
  1907. And the woman, she shows up with, like,
  1908. fishing nets or maybe a fire starter.
  1909.  
  1910. 436
  1911. 00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,643
  1912. But there was this one episode,
  1913.  
  1914. 437
  1915. 00:32:58,726 --> 00:33:00,979
  1916. this guy showed up with his ax
  1917.  
  1918. 438
  1919. 00:33:01,062 --> 00:33:05,066
  1920. and this woman showed up
  1921. with a fucking magnifying glass.
  1922.  
  1923. 439
  1924. 00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:09,195
  1925. The look on his face said it all. Like...
  1926.  
  1927. 440
  1928. 00:33:14,784 --> 00:33:16,452
  1929. "Magnifying glass? Like...
  1930.  
  1931. 441
  1932. 00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:20,206
  1933. Bitch, what you think? We out here
  1934. solving crimes? What the hell?"
  1935.  
  1936. 442
  1937. 00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:26,087
  1938. I love that show.
  1939.  
  1940. 443
  1941. 00:33:26,879 --> 00:33:29,132
  1942. There was an episode that stood out,
  1943.  
  1944. 444
  1945. 00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:31,551
  1946. because it was a black guy on the show.
  1947.  
  1948. 445
  1949. 00:33:31,634 --> 00:33:33,428
  1950. Yeah. This black guy...
  1951.  
  1952. 446
  1953. 00:33:33,886 --> 00:33:36,889
  1954. he's paired up with this nice little
  1955. white lady from North Dakota, right?
  1956.  
  1957. 447
  1958. 00:33:37,598 --> 00:33:39,767
  1959. They drop 'em off on this island...
  1960.  
  1961. 448
  1962. 00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:41,019
  1963. and they were...
  1964.  
  1965. 449
  1966. 00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:44,147
  1967. Things were going great, right?
  1968. So after, like, day three...
  1969.  
  1970. 450
  1971. 00:33:44,772 --> 00:33:48,735
  1972. the white lady's like,
  1973. "Oh, Ronald, he's a good team player
  1974.  
  1975. 451
  1976. 00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:53,156
  1977. and, uh, man, like, the bugs andÂ
  1978. everything, just nothing is bothering him.
  1979.  
  1980. 452
  1981. 00:33:53,239 --> 00:33:56,409
  1982. Nothing is affecting him out here,
  1983. so I think we're gonna be good.
  1984.  
  1985. 453
  1986. 00:33:56,492 --> 00:33:59,495
  1987. He keeps to himself,
  1988. but I think we're gonna be okay."
  1989.  
  1990. 454
  1991. 00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:01,456
  1992. Two days later,
  1993.  
  1994. 455
  1995. 00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:05,293
  1996. you find out that Ronald is homeless.
  1997.  
  1998. 456
  1999. 00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:08,671
  2000. Yeah.
  2001.  
  2002. 457
  2003. 00:34:08,755 --> 00:34:14,594
  2004. These assholes booked a homeless man
  2005. to go on Naked and Afraid.
  2006.  
  2007. 458
  2008. 00:34:17,305 --> 00:34:19,932
  2009. So no wonder nothing was affecting him.
  2010.  
  2011. 459
  2012. 00:34:21,642 --> 00:34:24,187
  2013. He got on that island,
  2014. he thought he was at Sandals.
  2015.  
  2016. 460
  2017. 00:34:24,270 --> 00:34:26,397
  2018. He was like, "Oh, shit.
  2019.  
  2020. 461
  2021. 00:34:27,106 --> 00:34:28,399
  2022. Yeah.
  2023.  
  2024. 462
  2025. 00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:32,862
  2026. I can do this.
  2027.  
  2028. 463
  2029. 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:35,031
  2030. This is nice."
  2031.  
  2032. 464
  2033. 00:34:39,535 --> 00:34:42,288
  2034. That lady went home. She tapped out.
  2035.  
  2036. 465
  2037. 00:34:42,371 --> 00:34:44,207
  2038. She was like, "I quit. I'm going home."
  2039.  
  2040. 466
  2041. 00:34:44,290 --> 00:34:46,417
  2042. She was like, "I don't think
  2043. he's ever gonna leave."
  2044.  
  2045. 467
  2046. 00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:56,552
  2047. They booked a homeless man
  2048. to go on Naked and Afraid.
  2049.  
  2050. 468
  2051. 00:34:58,346 --> 00:35:02,058
  2052. That tells me that there was
  2053. no black people in the room.
  2054.  
  2055. 469
  2056. 00:35:03,184 --> 00:35:06,229
  2057. When they made that decision,
  2058. a black person was not present,
  2059.  
  2060. 470
  2061. 00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,648
  2062. 'cause they'd have been like this,
  2063. "Wait a minute, you booking a black...
  2064.  
  2065. 471
  2066. 00:35:08,731 --> 00:35:10,483
  2067. Are you out of your damn mind?"
  2068.  
  2069. 472
  2070. 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:12,026
  2071. That's fucked up.
  2072.  
  2073. 473
  2074. 00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:13,402
  2075. Yeah.
  2076.  
  2077. 474
  2078. 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:16,697
  2079. You need a black friend.
  2080.  
  2081. 475
  2082. 00:35:17,824 --> 00:35:20,785
  2083. You need a black friend.
  2084.  
  2085. 476
  2086. 00:35:21,869 --> 00:35:23,204
  2087. It's 2019.
  2088.  
  2089. 477
  2090. 00:35:24,413 --> 00:35:26,207
  2091. If you don't have a black friend...
  2092.  
  2093. 478
  2094. 00:35:26,999 --> 00:35:28,126
  2095. you're the problem.
  2096.  
  2097. 479
  2098. 00:35:36,592 --> 00:35:39,637
  2099. But if you don't have one, I understand.
  2100. I understand.
  2101.  
  2102. 480
  2103. 00:35:40,263 --> 00:35:41,389
  2104. It's scary.
  2105.  
  2106. 481
  2107. 00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:46,602
  2108. It is.
  2109.  
  2110. 482
  2111. 00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:49,605
  2112. Because of how
  2113. we've been portrayed. Right?
  2114.  
  2115. 483
  2116. 00:35:50,857 --> 00:35:55,403
  2117. Black people have always been portrayed
  2118. as sinister, menacing, a threat.
  2119.  
  2120. 484
  2121. 00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,029
  2122. Yeah.
  2123.  
  2124. 485
  2125. 00:35:57,530 --> 00:36:00,241
  2126. I don't know if you've heard
  2127. about this story in Chicago.
  2128.  
  2129. 486
  2130. 00:36:00,324 --> 00:36:02,869
  2131. A black security guard, right,
  2132. at a club...
  2133.  
  2134. 487
  2135. 00:36:02,952 --> 00:36:04,412
  2136. There was a shooting.
  2137.  
  2138. 488
  2139. 00:36:04,495 --> 00:36:07,290
  2140. The black security guard
  2141. apprehended the shooter.
  2142.  
  2143. 489
  2144. 00:36:07,748 --> 00:36:11,335
  2145. The cops show up,
  2146. shoot the black security guard.
  2147.  
  2148. 490
  2149. 00:36:11,878 --> 00:36:14,881
  2150. Yeah.
  2151. 'Cause all they saw was a black man.
  2152.  
  2153. 491
  2154. 00:36:16,090 --> 00:36:17,758
  2155. Why can't we be the good guy?
  2156.  
  2157. 492
  2158. 00:36:18,342 --> 00:36:19,760
  2159. - Right.
  2160. - Yes!
  2161.  
  2162. 493
  2163. 00:36:26,100 --> 00:36:28,978
  2164. Black people, we need a better publicist.
  2165.  
  2166. 494
  2167. 00:36:30,813 --> 00:36:33,316
  2168. No, fuck that. We need a publicist.
  2169.  
  2170. 495
  2171. 00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,445
  2172. I want the publicist
  2173. that the white guys use.
  2174.  
  2175. 496
  2176. 00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,822
  2177. That publicist kicks ass.
  2178.  
  2179. 497
  2180. 00:36:40,615 --> 00:36:42,617
  2181. That publicist is the best.
  2182.  
  2183. 498
  2184. 00:36:42,700 --> 00:36:44,577
  2185. 'Cause they know how to spin it.
  2186.  
  2187. 499
  2188. 00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:48,331
  2189. Even when white guys fuck up,
  2190. they can spin it...
  2191.  
  2192. 500
  2193. 00:36:48,414 --> 00:36:51,459
  2194. in a way you won't think,
  2195. "Oh, all white guys are fucked up."
  2196.  
  2197. 501
  2198. 00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:54,253
  2199. No. 'Cause they make them individuals.
  2200.  
  2201. 502
  2202. 00:36:54,337 --> 00:36:58,132
  2203. You know,
  2204. crazy white guy shoots up a movie theater,
  2205.  
  2206. 503
  2207. 00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:00,218
  2208. they give you his backstory.
  2209.  
  2210. 504
  2211. 00:37:00,301 --> 00:37:02,845
  2212. Right? They tell you
  2213. where he went to school.
  2214.  
  2215. 505
  2216. 00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:04,597
  2217. "Oh, he was a loner."
  2218.  
  2219. 506
  2220. 00:37:05,139 --> 00:37:08,351
  2221. They put a picture up in the news of him
  2222. that's so sympathetic.
  2223.  
  2224. 507
  2225. 00:37:08,434 --> 00:37:11,062
  2226. I'm watching news, I'm like, "Oh, man..."
  2227.  
  2228. 508
  2229. 00:37:11,479 --> 00:37:13,105
  2230. "He shoulda called me."
  2231.  
  2232. 509
  2233. 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:21,697
  2234. We need a better publicist.
  2235.  
  2236. 510
  2237. 00:37:21,781 --> 00:37:26,494
  2238. Yeah, I want a campaign.
  2239. A campaign for black people. Right?
  2240.  
  2241. 511
  2242. 00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:30,122
  2243. How about, like, some billboards
  2244. all across the country
  2245.  
  2246. 512
  2247. 00:37:30,206 --> 00:37:35,670
  2248. of black people just doing
  2249. fun, non-threatening, frivolous shit?
  2250.  
  2251. 513
  2252. 00:37:38,547 --> 00:37:40,383
  2253. Just black people just, like, bowling.
  2254.  
  2255. 514
  2256. 00:37:51,185 --> 00:37:53,980
  2257. How about some slogans?
  2258. You know, like "Toys for Tots."
  2259.  
  2260. 515
  2261. 00:37:54,063 --> 00:37:56,732
  2262. How about a good slogan for black people?
  2263.  
  2264. 516
  2265. 00:37:56,816 --> 00:37:59,068
  2266. "Hey, let's get black to business."
  2267.  
  2268. 517
  2269. 00:38:05,032 --> 00:38:06,200
  2270. I like that.
  2271.  
  2272. 518
  2273. 00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:10,705
  2274. Or, maybe, you know,
  2275. something environmental,
  2276.  
  2277. 519
  2278. 00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:16,043
  2279. like show black people just taking out
  2280. the recycling can, you know, like...
  2281.  
  2282. 520
  2283. 00:38:19,672 --> 00:38:22,091
  2284. "We're black, but we're green."
  2285.  
  2286. 521
  2287. 00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:34,603
  2288. You need a black friend.
  2289.  
  2290. 522
  2291. 00:38:35,563 --> 00:38:37,732
  2292. Get a black friend,Â
  2293. you'll learn some shit.
  2294.  
  2295. 523
  2296. 00:38:38,399 --> 00:38:41,319
  2297. Like, here's an easy one.
  2298. You should know this one.
  2299.  
  2300. 524
  2301. 00:38:41,402 --> 00:38:45,281
  2302. Never touch a black woman's hair.
  2303.  
  2304. 525
  2305. 00:38:45,364 --> 00:38:46,782
  2306. Yes.
  2307.  
  2308. 526
  2309. 00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:47,908
  2310. Never...
  2311.  
  2312. 527
  2313. 00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:51,329
  2314. touch a black woman's hair.
  2315.  
  2316. 528
  2317. 00:38:51,412 --> 00:38:55,499
  2318. I don't give a fuck if she hasÂ
  2319. a tarantula sitting on her head. You...
  2320.  
  2321. 529
  2322. 00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,752
  2323. Let it bite her.
  2324.  
  2325. 530
  2326. 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:11,223
  2327. Here's another one.
  2328. Here's another one I'll give y'all.
  2329.  
  2330. 531
  2331. 00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:14,685
  2332. White people, you go and you get a tan.
  2333.  
  2334. 532
  2335. 00:39:15,227 --> 00:39:17,688
  2336. You get a nice tan, you been on vacation.
  2337.  
  2338. 533
  2339. 00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:22,401
  2340. Do not go back to your job
  2341. and go up to your black coworker...
  2342.  
  2343. 534
  2344. 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:24,987
  2345. "Hey, Denise."
  2346.  
  2347. 535
  2348. 00:39:30,201 --> 00:39:31,744
  2349. "I'm almost there."
  2350.  
  2351. 536
  2352. 00:39:33,954 --> 00:39:36,332
  2353. "Hey, girlfriend, I'm almost there."
  2354.  
  2355. 537
  2356. 00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:40,378
  2357. We hate that shit.
  2358.  
  2359. 538
  2360. 00:39:42,296 --> 00:39:46,092
  2361. And we secretly wish bad black shit
  2362. happens to you when you do it.
  2363.  
  2364. 539
  2365. 00:39:47,968 --> 00:39:50,304
  2366. "I'm almost there." Mm-hmm.
  2367.  
  2368. 540
  2369. 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:52,014
  2370. "I hope you get sickle cell."
  2371.  
  2372. 541
  2373. 00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:05,069
  2374. I know some of y'all are like,
  2375. "Well, Wanda, what about black people
  2376.  
  2377. 542
  2378. 00:40:05,152 --> 00:40:06,862
  2379. who don't have white friends?"
  2380.  
  2381. 543
  2382. 00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:09,073
  2383. I'm okay with that.
  2384.  
  2385. 544
  2386. 00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:17,790
  2387. A lot of trust has been broken.
  2388.  
  2389. 545
  2390. 00:40:21,001 --> 00:40:23,462
  2391. But I do encourage them. I do.
  2392.  
  2393. 546
  2394. 00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:26,715
  2395. I say, "Come on, guys,
  2396. let's break this up. Come on.
  2397.  
  2398. 547
  2399. 00:40:26,799 --> 00:40:28,968
  2400. Spread out. Open it up a little bit."
  2401.  
  2402. 548
  2403. 00:40:29,468 --> 00:40:31,429
  2404. You know, I tell them, "Ease into it.
  2405.  
  2406. 549
  2407. 00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:33,180
  2408. Start off with a Puerto Rican."
  2409.  
  2410. 550
  2411. 00:40:42,356 --> 00:40:43,941
  2412. "They're cool. Come on."
  2413.  
  2414. 551
  2415. 00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:55,244
  2416. Look, I'm learning a lot.
  2417.  
  2418. 552
  2419. 00:40:55,327 --> 00:40:58,372
  2420. I'm learning a lot from my white family.
  2421. I am.
  2422.  
  2423. 553
  2424. 00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:01,375
  2425. You know? And you know what?
  2426.  
  2427. 554
  2428. 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:04,545
  2429. Yeah... People always say,
  2430. "Because, Wanda, we're all the same."
  2431.  
  2432. 555
  2433. 00:41:04,628 --> 00:41:05,713
  2434. No, we're not.
  2435.  
  2436. 556
  2437. 00:41:07,423 --> 00:41:09,758
  2438. We're not all the same. We're different.
  2439.  
  2440. 557
  2441. 00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:10,926
  2442. But we're equal.
  2443.  
  2444. 558
  2445. 00:41:11,427 --> 00:41:13,596
  2446. We're different.
  2447.  
  2448. 559
  2449. 00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:14,972
  2450. But we're equal.
  2451.  
  2452. 560
  2453. 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,433
  2454. And that's the thing.
  2455.  
  2456. 561
  2457. 00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:21,812
  2458. That's what we have to respect.
  2459.  
  2460. 562
  2461. 00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:25,774
  2462. Like, I'm learning things from my family.
  2463. I'm learning how to play.
  2464.  
  2465. 563
  2466. 00:41:28,903 --> 00:41:30,779
  2467. Oh, 'cause black people don't play.
  2468.  
  2469. 564
  2470. 00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:35,784
  2471. We don't play.
  2472.  
  2473. 565
  2474. 00:41:37,286 --> 00:41:40,581
  2475. Some of the first things
  2476. that we were taught as kids, right?
  2477.  
  2478. 566
  2479. 00:41:41,207 --> 00:41:42,917
  2480. You're over there, acting up.
  2481.  
  2482. 567
  2483. 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,587
  2484. Your parents tell you,
  2485. "Hey, better stop playing.
  2486.  
  2487. 568
  2488. 00:41:49,465 --> 00:41:51,300
  2489. Oh, you think I'm playing with you?
  2490.  
  2491. 569
  2492. 00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:56,680
  2493. Keep playing here.
  2494. Keep playing, keep playing."
  2495.  
  2496. 570
  2497. 00:42:04,522 --> 00:42:07,149
  2498. Learning how to play.
  2499. White people play all the time.
  2500.  
  2501. 571
  2502. 00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:11,278
  2503. Just make up shit.
  2504. You don't even know what you're playing.
  2505.  
  2506. 572
  2507. 00:42:12,029 --> 00:42:13,280
  2508. Just play.
  2509.  
  2510. 573
  2511. 00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,491
  2512. I had to learn this.
  2513.  
  2514. 574
  2515. 00:42:15,574 --> 00:42:18,202
  2516. Like, we had
  2517. a birthday party over the weekend,
  2518.  
  2519. 575
  2520. 00:42:18,285 --> 00:42:21,413
  2521. so, during the week, you know, there's
  2522. still some balloons floating around.
  2523.  
  2524. 576
  2525. 00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:24,208
  2526. I get up Monday morning,
  2527. I'm coming downstairs,
  2528.  
  2529. 577
  2530. 00:42:24,291 --> 00:42:29,338
  2531. my son takes a balloon, kicks it,
  2532. and it hits me right in the face.
  2533.  
  2534. 578
  2535. 00:42:30,506 --> 00:42:33,509
  2536. First thing I do,
  2537. "Boy, you better stop playing."
  2538.  
  2539. 579
  2540. 00:42:37,304 --> 00:42:40,516
  2541. He laughs, he takes another balloon,
  2542. kicks it...
  2543.  
  2544. 580
  2545. 00:42:41,016 --> 00:42:42,560
  2546. almost knocks my glasses off.
  2547.  
  2548. 581
  2549. 00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:44,853
  2550. I'm like, "Oh, Lucas,
  2551. you think I'm playing with you?
  2552.  
  2553. 582
  2554. 00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,982
  2555. Keep playing with me.
  2556. Keep playing with me, hear?"
  2557.  
  2558. 583
  2559. 00:42:48,065 --> 00:42:49,692
  2560. My wife hears me yelling.
  2561.  
  2562. 584
  2563. 00:42:49,775 --> 00:42:51,402
  2564. She runs into the living room.
  2565.  
  2566. 585
  2567. 00:42:51,485 --> 00:42:53,445
  2568. "Baby, what's the problem?
  2569.  
  2570. 586
  2571. 00:42:53,529 --> 00:42:56,156
  2572. Qu€™est-ce qui se passe? Ça va? Ça va?"
  2573.  
  2574. 587
  2575. 00:42:56,740 --> 00:42:59,201
  2576. "No. No it's not ça va!"
  2577.  
  2578. 588
  2579. 00:43:04,873 --> 00:43:07,334
  2580. "You want to know what...
  2581. I'll tell you what happened.
  2582.  
  2583. 589
  2584. 00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:10,629
  2585. Uh, Lucas here just kicked me
  2586. in the face..."
  2587.  
  2588. 590
  2589. 00:43:10,713 --> 00:43:12,756
  2590. And now I'm hearing myself.
  2591.  
  2592. 591
  2593. 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:13,924
  2594. Uh...
  2595.  
  2596. 592
  2597. 00:43:16,885 --> 00:43:19,221
  2598. "Uh, Lucas kicked me in the face...
  2599.  
  2600. 593
  2601. 00:43:19,305 --> 00:43:21,765
  2602. uh, with the balloon, uh...
  2603.  
  2604. 594
  2605. 00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:26,604
  2606. I haven't had coffee yet, okay? First..."
  2607.  
  2608. 595
  2609. 00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:37,364
  2610. "And he did it twice. Twice. And, uh...
  2611.  
  2612. 596
  2613. 00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:40,200
  2614. And, uh, you know, it was
  2615. that little knot part,
  2616.  
  2617. 597
  2618. 00:43:40,284 --> 00:43:42,202
  2619. the knot part on the balloon.
  2620.  
  2621. 598
  2622. 00:43:42,286 --> 00:43:46,582
  2623. You know, that little knot in the balloon?
  2624. Yeah, that knot part hit me right...
  2625.  
  2626. 599
  2627. 00:43:54,548 --> 00:43:57,760
  2628. You... You were playing, huh?
  2629. You were playing.
  2630.  
  2631. 600
  2632. 00:43:58,260 --> 00:44:01,472
  2633. I'm sorry, baby.
  2634. I... I didn't know you were playing.
  2635.  
  2636. 601
  2637. 00:44:01,555 --> 00:44:03,515
  2638. Okay, stop crying. Stop crying.
  2639.  
  2640. 602
  2641. 00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:05,684
  2642. It's okay. All right.
  2643.  
  2644. 603
  2645. 00:44:06,101 --> 00:44:08,729
  2646. You got to let me knowÂ
  2647. we're playing or something.
  2648.  
  2649. 604
  2650. 00:44:09,313 --> 00:44:10,606
  2651. I didn't know, right?"
  2652.  
  2653. 605
  2654. 00:44:10,689 --> 00:44:13,317
  2655. So then my wife just looked at me
  2656. like I was an asshole.
  2657.  
  2658. 606
  2659. 00:44:14,985 --> 00:44:18,197
  2660. He goes off to school and she's like,
  2661. "What is your problem? Why did you..."
  2662.  
  2663. 607
  2664. 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:21,659
  2665. I said, "Look, first of all, you need
  2666. to take it down a notch, all right?
  2667.  
  2668. 608
  2669. 00:44:22,326 --> 00:44:24,662
  2670. You ain't gonna be in my face like this,
  2671. okay?
  2672.  
  2673. 609
  2674. 00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:29,041
  2675. And, second of all, I behaved
  2676. the way I was supposed to behave, okay?
  2677.  
  2678. 610
  2679. 00:44:29,124 --> 00:44:31,085
  2680. All right? I'm a black woman, all right?
  2681.  
  2682. 611
  2683. 00:44:31,168 --> 00:44:33,087
  2684. I come downstairs in my living room
  2685.  
  2686. 612
  2687. 00:44:33,170 --> 00:44:35,923
  2688. and this little white boy
  2689. kicks me in the face."
  2690.  
  2691. 613
  2692. 00:44:45,641 --> 00:44:46,725
  2693. Just saying.
  2694.  
  2695. 614
  2696. 00:44:50,104 --> 00:44:52,064
  2697. But I felt bad. I did feel...
  2698.  
  2699. 615
  2700. 00:44:52,147 --> 00:44:54,024
  2701. I did. I felt bad. I did.
  2702.  
  2703. 616
  2704. 00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:55,317
  2705. So what I...
  2706.  
  2707. 617
  2708. 00:44:55,401 --> 00:44:57,403
  2709. So what I did,
  2710. when he came home from school,
  2711.  
  2712. 618
  2713. 00:44:57,486 --> 00:45:00,114
  2714. I had all the balloons lined up.
  2715.  
  2716. 619
  2717. 00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:01,865
  2718. Oh, I was ready for his ass.
  2719.  
  2720. 620
  2721. 00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:05,285
  2722. Soon as he walked in the door,
  2723. I was like,
  2724.  
  2725. 621
  2726. 00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:08,497
  2727. "Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!
  2728.  
  2729. 622
  2730. 00:45:08,580 --> 00:45:11,583
  2731. You want to play? You want to play?
  2732. Boom, boom, boom!"
  2733.  
  2734. 623
  2735. 00:45:20,008 --> 00:45:21,468
  2736. I took care of him.
  2737.  
  2738. 624
  2739. 00:45:24,304 --> 00:45:26,974
  2740. All kind of shit. All kind of shit.
  2741.  
  2742. 625
  2743. 00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:30,310
  2744. I'm learning we're different. Yeah.
  2745.  
  2746. 626
  2747. 00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:33,897
  2748. I was on my way home from, uh...
  2749.  
  2750. 627
  2751. 00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:37,067
  2752. I was on my way home, right?
  2753. I'm in the car.
  2754.  
  2755. 628
  2756. 00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:40,195
  2757. And my wife, she calls me in the car.
  2758. She's like, "Babe, uh...
  2759.  
  2760. 629
  2761. 00:45:40,529 --> 00:45:44,825
  2762. on your way home,
  2763. uh, could you stop at the pharmacy
  2764.  
  2765. 630
  2766. 00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:48,912
  2767. and pick up this stuff?
  2768. It's called RID. Uh...
  2769.  
  2770. 631
  2771. 00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:52,791
  2772. There's a problemÂ
  2773. at the school with the lice
  2774.  
  2775. 632
  2776. 00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:55,836
  2777. and the kids have the lice."
  2778.  
  2779. 633
  2780. 00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:57,504
  2781. I'm like, "What? Lice?"
  2782.  
  2783. 634
  2784. 00:45:57,588 --> 00:46:03,218
  2785. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kids have the lice,
  2786. I have the lice, you have the lice."
  2787.  
  2788. 635
  2789. 00:46:03,302 --> 00:46:04,428
  2790. "No, I don't.
  2791.  
  2792. 636
  2793. 00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:06,805
  2794. No, I don't."
  2795.  
  2796. 637
  2797. 00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,560
  2798. "That's some white shit."
  2799.  
  2800. 638
  2801. 00:46:18,901 --> 00:46:21,612
  2802. She's like,
  2803. "No, it's a little bug in your hair."
  2804.  
  2805. 639
  2806. 00:46:21,695 --> 00:46:23,530
  2807. "Mm-mm. No, no, no, no.
  2808.  
  2809. 640
  2810. 00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:28,160
  2811. We don't do that. I would choke
  2812. the shit out of a lice. We don't..."
  2813.  
  2814. 641
  2815. 00:46:30,496 --> 00:46:33,749
  2816. "That's you and your inferior scalp.
  2817. We don't do that."
  2818.  
  2819. 642
  2820. 00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:38,545
  2821. She's like, "Will you pick it up?"
  2822.  
  2823. 643
  2824. 00:46:38,629 --> 00:46:42,049
  2825. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll pick it up.
  2826. And put it in the mailbox."
  2827.  
  2828. 644
  2829. 00:46:47,554 --> 00:46:50,849
  2830. "I ain't coming in that lice-y ass house.
  2831. I ain't coming in.
  2832.  
  2833. 645
  2834. 00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:54,520
  2835. I'll be at Sabrina's. Mm-mm."
  2836.  
  2837. 646
  2838. 00:47:01,109 --> 00:47:02,945
  2839. Then I thought, "Am I being ignorant?
  2840.  
  2841. 647
  2842. 00:47:03,028 --> 00:47:05,656
  2843. Maybe I'm being ignorant
  2844. about this thing." Right?
  2845.  
  2846. 648
  2847. 00:47:05,739 --> 00:47:08,867
  2848. So I called my friend, you know,
  2849. she has a bunch of kids and stuff.
  2850.  
  2851. 649
  2852. 00:47:08,951 --> 00:47:14,832
  2853. I was like, "Hey, look, um, have you or
  2854. any of your kids ever had a lice issue?"
  2855.  
  2856. 650
  2857. 00:47:14,915 --> 00:47:16,750
  2858. She went,
  2859. "Nah, girl, that's some white shit."
  2860.  
  2861. 651
  2862. 00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:18,752
  2863. I was like, "That's what I thought."
  2864.  
  2865. 652
  2866. 00:47:18,836 --> 00:47:21,004
  2867. That's what I thought."
  2868.  
  2869. 653
  2870. 00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,507
  2871. I knew it. I knew it. Mm-hmm.
  2872.  
  2873. 654
  2874. 00:47:24,508 --> 00:47:28,637
  2875. I was gonna Google it, but I figured,
  2876. no, I knew, knew what I'm talking about.
  2877.  
  2878. 655
  2879. 00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:29,930
  2880. Knew that."
  2881.  
  2882. 656
  2883. 00:47:34,601 --> 00:47:37,437
  2884. We get different shit,
  2885. different stuff. Yeah.
  2886.  
  2887. 657
  2888. 00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:42,025
  2889. When I was in fifth grade,
  2890. I got mononucleosis. Yeah.
  2891.  
  2892. 658
  2893. 00:47:42,442 --> 00:47:43,902
  2894. Yeah, we had just moved.
  2895.  
  2896. 659
  2897. 00:47:43,986 --> 00:47:46,363
  2898. White neighborhood.
  2899. And I got mononucleosis.
  2900.  
  2901. 660
  2902. 00:47:46,905 --> 00:47:50,576
  2903. I'm not saying white people gave me
  2904. mononucleosis, but... I just got it.
  2905.  
  2906. 661
  2907. 00:47:50,659 --> 00:47:53,537
  2908. But the fun part
  2909. was listening to my mother
  2910.  
  2911. 662
  2912. 00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:57,040
  2913. trying to explain it to her mother. Yeah.
  2914.  
  2915. 663
  2916. 00:47:57,124 --> 00:47:59,835
  2917. So my mother's on the phone,
  2918. like, "Hey, Mama, how you doing?
  2919.  
  2920. 664
  2921. 00:47:59,918 --> 00:48:04,506
  2922. Look, I'mma need you to come
  2923. up here and stay with us for a few weeks.
  2924.  
  2925. 665
  2926. 00:48:04,590 --> 00:48:05,716
  2927. Wanda's sick.
  2928.  
  2929. 666
  2930. 00:48:06,258 --> 00:48:10,387
  2931. Hm? Um... She's got mo... Mononu... Hm.
  2932.  
  2933. 667
  2934. 00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:13,724
  2935. Lord Jesus. Uh, she's got mo...
  2936.  
  2937. 668
  2938. 00:48:14,391 --> 00:48:15,976
  2939. She's got tuberculosis."
  2940.  
  2941. 669
  2942. 00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:20,230
  2943. "Mm-hmm.
  2944.  
  2945. 670
  2946. 00:48:22,733 --> 00:48:25,277
  2947. Yeah, she's got the TB. Mm-hmm.
  2948.  
  2949. 671
  2950. 00:48:26,778 --> 00:48:29,406
  2951. Yeah, no. I got Vicks. I got the Vicks.
  2952.  
  2953. 672
  2954. 00:48:30,365 --> 00:48:31,909
  2955. I'll put the Vicks on her.
  2956.  
  2957. 673
  2958. 00:48:32,451 --> 00:48:33,660
  2959. That'll do."
  2960.  
  2961. 674
  2962. 00:48:35,621 --> 00:48:38,081
  2963. The Vicks. We put Vicks on everything.
  2964.  
  2965. 675
  2966. 00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:40,542
  2967. Yes.
  2968.  
  2969. 676
  2970. 00:48:41,209 --> 00:48:42,377
  2971. Love the Vicks.
  2972.  
  2973. 677
  2974. 00:48:43,420 --> 00:48:47,925
  2975. I remember the first time I introduced
  2976. Vicks to my little French family.
  2977.  
  2978. 678
  2979. 00:48:51,094 --> 00:48:53,680
  2980. You would have thought
  2981. I poured acid on them.
  2982.  
  2983. 679
  2984. 00:49:01,438 --> 00:49:03,690
  2985. My daughter had a bad chest cold, right?
  2986.  
  2987. 680
  2988. 00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:05,776
  2989. So...
  2990.  
  2991. 681
  2992. 00:49:05,859 --> 00:49:07,653
  2993. So I heard the rattling.
  2994.  
  2995. 682
  2996. 00:49:07,736 --> 00:49:09,863
  2997. She was sleeping,
  2998. but I could hear the rattle,
  2999.  
  3000. 683
  3001. 00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:12,366
  3002. so I was like,
  3003. "Oh, Wanda, get your Vicks."
  3004.  
  3005. 684
  3006. 00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:13,909
  3007. So I got my Vicks.
  3008.  
  3009. 685
  3010. 00:49:13,992 --> 00:49:16,078
  3011. I go in her bedroom, you know...
  3012.  
  3013. 686
  3014. 00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:18,664
  3015. open up my Vicks.
  3016.  
  3017. 687
  3018. 00:49:20,832 --> 00:49:24,544
  3019. I start putting a little bit on her,
  3020. on her chest.
  3021.  
  3022. 688
  3023. 00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:26,004
  3024. Right? She wakes up...
  3025.  
  3026. 689
  3027. 00:49:26,588 --> 00:49:28,924
  3028. "Mommy-boo, you're burning me!"
  3029.  
  3030. 690
  3031. 00:49:29,007 --> 00:49:31,969
  3032. I'm like, "No, no, baby,Â
  3033. it's just Vicks. It's Vicks.
  3034.  
  3035. 691
  3036. 00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:33,720
  3037. It'll open up the thing."
  3038.  
  3039. 692
  3040. 00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:38,141
  3041. "Maman! Maman, vite, vite! Vite, Maman!
  3042. Mommy-boo is burning me."
  3043.  
  3044. 693
  3045. 00:49:38,225 --> 00:49:40,519
  3046. I'm like,
  3047. "Olivia, I'm not burning you, sweetheart.
  3048.  
  3049. 694
  3050. 00:49:40,602 --> 00:49:42,688
  3051. It's just Vicks. It's Vicks VapoRub.
  3052.  
  3053. 695
  3054. 00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:44,982
  3055. It'll open this up."
  3056.  
  3057. 696
  3058. 00:49:45,065 --> 00:49:46,525
  3059. My wife comes in the room,
  3060.  
  3061. 697
  3062. 00:49:46,608 --> 00:49:50,153
  3063. "Baby, what is the problem? Oh, my eyes!
  3064.  
  3065. 698
  3066. 00:49:50,737 --> 00:49:51,697
  3067. Oh!
  3068.  
  3069. 699
  3070. 00:49:52,948 --> 00:49:54,825
  3071. Baby. Oh.
  3072.  
  3073. 700
  3074. 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:56,994
  3075. Olivia...
  3076.  
  3077. 701
  3078. 00:49:57,953 --> 00:49:59,997
  3079. Ferme les yeux, Olivia.
  3080.  
  3081. 702
  3082. 00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:03,208
  3083. Oh, ferme tes yeux, Olivia.
  3084.  
  3085. 703
  3086. 00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:05,544
  3087. Oh, close your eyes, Olivia, please.
  3088.  
  3089. 704
  3090. 00:50:05,627 --> 00:50:08,964
  3091. Oh, baby, why are you burning us?
  3092. What are you doing?"
  3093.  
  3094. 705
  3095. 00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:12,968
  3096. I'm like, "It's just Vicks!"
  3097.  
  3098. 706
  3099. 00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:20,308
  3100. "Y'all can't handle Vicks?"
  3101.  
  3102. 707
  3103. 00:50:27,899 --> 00:50:28,859
  3104. Vicks!
  3105.  
  3106. 708
  3107. 00:50:37,117 --> 00:50:38,785
  3108. I was so pissed.
  3109.  
  3110. 709
  3111. 00:50:39,745 --> 00:50:42,706
  3112. I was like, "Y'all have cheese
  3113. that's stronger than Vicks."
  3114.  
  3115. 710
  3116. 00:50:52,758 --> 00:50:55,302
  3117. One of my first trips to Paris, right,
  3118.  
  3119. 711
  3120. 00:50:55,385 --> 00:50:57,721
  3121. I'm at her mother's house,
  3122. we're having dinner,
  3123.  
  3124. 712
  3125. 00:50:57,804 --> 00:50:59,806
  3126. they pass around the cheese plate.
  3127.  
  3128. 713
  3129. 00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:01,683
  3130. "Wanda, tu veux du fromage?"
  3131.  
  3132. 714
  3133. 00:51:02,684 --> 00:51:03,935
  3134. "Non, merci."
  3135.  
  3136. 715
  3137. 00:51:13,403 --> 00:51:14,905
  3138. Because I want to know...
  3139.  
  3140. 716
  3141. 00:51:15,614 --> 00:51:18,116
  3142. who just shit themselves at this table.
  3143.  
  3144. 717
  3145. 00:51:31,338 --> 00:51:34,382
  3146. So we're just gon' sit here
  3147. like this is not happening, huh?
  3148.  
  3149. 718
  3150. 00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:41,765
  3151. "C'est qui qui fait caca
  3152. dans leur pantalon?"
  3153.  
  3154. 719
  3155. 00:51:42,390 --> 00:51:43,767
  3156. That's what I want to know.
  3157.  
  3158. 720
  3159. 00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:51,066
  3160. Don't make me get up and just go around
  3161. check everybody.
  3162.  
  3163. 721
  3164. 00:51:51,149 --> 00:51:52,609
  3165. Is that what we doing?
  3166.  
  3167. 722
  3168. 00:51:59,241 --> 00:52:01,076
  3169. Different.
  3170.  
  3171. 723
  3172. 00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:04,079
  3173. But, you know, like, all I'm doing, man,
  3174.  
  3175. 724
  3176. 00:52:04,162 --> 00:52:07,082
  3177. I'm just trying to, like, raise my kids
  3178. like how I was raised.
  3179.  
  3180. 725
  3181. 00:52:07,165 --> 00:52:09,709
  3182. That's what I'm doing, just raisingÂ
  3183. my kids like how I was raised.
  3184.  
  3185. 726
  3186. 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:11,586
  3187. You know? Yeah.
  3188.  
  3189. 727
  3190. 00:52:13,380 --> 00:52:15,882
  3191. Didn't turn out so bad. Right?
  3192.  
  3193. 728
  3194. 00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:22,222
  3195. And, oh, boy, I lotion 'em up good.
  3196. You should see 'em. Oh.
  3197.  
  3198. 729
  3199. 00:52:23,807 --> 00:52:25,684
  3200. They be glistening, man.
  3201.  
  3202. 730
  3203. 00:52:26,685 --> 00:52:27,686
  3204. They hate it.
  3205.  
  3206. 731
  3207. 00:52:27,769 --> 00:52:30,730
  3208. My wife is like, "Why?
  3209. Why all the lotion, the crème?
  3210.  
  3211. 732
  3212. 00:52:30,814 --> 00:52:31,731
  3213. Pourquoi la crème?"
  3214.  
  3215. 733
  3216. 00:52:31,815 --> 00:52:34,651
  3217. I say, "'Cause I don't
  3218. want some little ashy-ass kids."
  3219.  
  3220. 734
  3221. 00:52:41,867 --> 00:52:44,661
  3222. I get their legs, everything.
  3223. I lotion 'em up.
  3224.  
  3225. 735
  3226. 00:52:45,412 --> 00:52:47,455
  3227. They leave the house shiny, boy.
  3228.  
  3229. 736
  3230. 00:52:48,373 --> 00:52:50,375
  3231. I bet you even little black kids at school
  3232.  
  3233. 737
  3234. 00:52:50,458 --> 00:52:53,128
  3235. are looking at them like,
  3236. "Oh, here come them greasy twins."
  3237.  
  3238. 738
  3239. 00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:58,592
  3240. "Here come the greasy twins."
  3241.  
  3242. 739
  3243. 00:53:04,389 --> 00:53:06,141
  3244. We're all different, man.
  3245.  
  3246. 740
  3247. 00:53:07,100 --> 00:53:08,435
  3248. I feel different.
  3249.  
  3250. 741
  3251. 00:53:08,518 --> 00:53:10,562
  3252. I don't even know who I am anymore.
  3253.  
  3254. 742
  3255. 00:53:11,980 --> 00:53:12,939
  3256. Yeah.
  3257.  
  3258. 743
  3259. 00:53:13,023 --> 00:53:15,025
  3260. Going through menopause right now.
  3261.  
  3262. 744
  3263. 00:53:15,692 --> 00:53:16,902
  3264. I'm sorry.
  3265.  
  3266. 745
  3267. 00:53:16,985 --> 00:53:20,197
  3268. Did you say sorry?
  3269. Yeah, yeah. It's the worst.
  3270.  
  3271. 746
  3272. 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,407
  3273. Oh, my God, the hot flashes.
  3274.  
  3275. 747
  3276. 00:53:22,490 --> 00:53:26,912
  3277. Woo. The hot flashes are the worst.
  3278. They're crippling.
  3279.  
  3280. 748
  3281. 00:53:26,995 --> 00:53:29,122
  3282. All of a sudden, you just flop sweat.
  3283.  
  3284. 749
  3285. 00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:31,708
  3286. Sometimes, I feel like
  3287. I'm going to pass out. They're awful.
  3288.  
  3289. 750
  3290. 00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:32,667
  3291. They're awful.
  3292.  
  3293. 751
  3294. 00:53:32,751 --> 00:53:35,212
  3295. There's no way in the world
  3296. men would put up with hot flashes.
  3297.  
  3298. 752
  3299. 00:53:35,295 --> 00:53:36,379
  3300. No way in the world.
  3301.  
  3302. 753
  3303. 00:53:36,463 --> 00:53:39,007
  3304. I think if a man had two hot flashes...
  3305.  
  3306. 754
  3307. 00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:41,426
  3308. they would blow the sun up.
  3309.  
  3310. 755
  3311. 00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:50,143
  3312. You'd go out and they got
  3313. the missile pointed to the sun.
  3314.  
  3315. 756
  3316. 00:53:50,227 --> 00:53:53,647
  3317. "Hey, what are y'all doing?"
  3318. "Oh... Bob got hot."
  3319.  
  3320. 757
  3321. 00:53:55,273 --> 00:53:58,902
  3322. "Did you, Bob?"
  3323. "Yeah, yeah. Just... poof.
  3324.  
  3325. 758
  3326. 00:53:58,985 --> 00:54:02,948
  3327. It seemed like it started in my balls
  3328. and just my balls got hot and just...
  3329.  
  3330. 759
  3331. 00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:04,115
  3332. Poof.
  3333.  
  3334. 760
  3335. 00:54:04,574 --> 00:54:05,742
  3336. It was awful.
  3337.  
  3338. 761
  3339. 00:54:07,285 --> 00:54:09,496
  3340. We're gonna turn that off."
  3341.  
  3342. 762
  3343. 00:54:09,579 --> 00:54:10,914
  3344. "Cool it down.
  3345.  
  3346. 763
  3347. 00:54:11,581 --> 00:54:12,832
  3348. Cool it down."
  3349.  
  3350. 764
  3351. 00:54:16,086 --> 00:54:17,128
  3352. What the hell?
  3353.  
  3354. 765
  3355. 00:54:17,212 --> 00:54:19,005
  3356. I mean, ladies, come on. What kind...
  3357.  
  3358. 766
  3359. 00:54:19,089 --> 00:54:22,384
  3360. We got a shitty hand
  3361. that we were dealt, right?
  3362.  
  3363. 767
  3364. 00:54:22,467 --> 00:54:25,011
  3365. Is it a design flaw? What the fuck?
  3366.  
  3367. 768
  3368. 00:54:26,179 --> 00:54:28,974
  3369. Okay, so let me get this straight.
  3370. This is our plight, right?
  3371.  
  3372. 769
  3373. 00:54:29,057 --> 00:54:31,893
  3374. Okay, so when you're young,
  3375. you're fertile,
  3376.  
  3377. 770
  3378. 00:54:31,977 --> 00:54:34,980
  3379. you're producing eggs, you're bringing
  3380. life into the world, right?
  3381.  
  3382. 771
  3383. 00:54:35,063 --> 00:54:36,690
  3384. You're bringing life into the world.
  3385.  
  3386. 772
  3387. 00:54:36,773 --> 00:54:39,609
  3388. And then you get older, no more eggs.
  3389.  
  3390. 773
  3391. 00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:42,070
  3392. You can't bring any more life
  3393. into the world...
  3394.  
  3395. 774
  3396. 00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:44,823
  3397. so they just set you on fire.
  3398.  
  3399. 775
  3400. 00:54:57,669 --> 00:54:59,129
  3401. What kind of shit is that?
  3402.  
  3403. 776
  3404. 00:55:06,011 --> 00:55:09,973
  3405. You know, I've always said, you know what,
  3406. the older I get, the less I care.
  3407.  
  3408. 777
  3409. 00:55:11,224 --> 00:55:13,727
  3410. But you know what?
  3411. There's science behind that.
  3412.  
  3413. 778
  3414. 00:55:14,436 --> 00:55:16,688
  3415. There's science behind that. Yeah.
  3416.  
  3417. 779
  3418. 00:55:16,771 --> 00:55:21,526
  3419. Because, when you're young, right,
  3420. your body is producing estrogen.
  3421.  
  3422. 780
  3423. 00:55:21,609 --> 00:55:25,864
  3424. Now, estrogen, that's that hormone
  3425. that makes you compassionate,
  3426.  
  3427. 781
  3428. 00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:27,490
  3429. makes you empathetic.
  3430.  
  3431. 782
  3432. 00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:31,369
  3433. Makes you say sorryÂ
  3434. all the damn time for no reason.
  3435.  
  3436. 783
  3437. 00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:35,582
  3438. Ladies, you know how many times
  3439. we say sorry for no reason?
  3440.  
  3441. 784
  3442. 00:55:35,665 --> 00:55:37,667
  3443. Like, even when it's not your fault.
  3444.  
  3445. 785
  3446. 00:55:37,751 --> 00:55:39,085
  3447. Like, you're at the grocery store,
  3448.  
  3449. 786
  3450. 00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:41,671
  3451. somebody runs into your ankle
  3452. with the grocery cart
  3453.  
  3454. 787
  3455. 00:55:41,755 --> 00:55:44,883
  3456. and you're like, "Ooh, ooh, sorry,
  3457. my ankle was in your way."
  3458.  
  3459. 788
  3460. 00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:54,476
  3461. That's that estrogen.
  3462.  
  3463. 789
  3464. 00:55:55,185 --> 00:55:56,686
  3465. And then, when you get older...
  3466.  
  3467. 790
  3468. 00:55:57,479 --> 00:55:59,522
  3469. it drastically reduces.
  3470.  
  3471. 791
  3472. 00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:02,233
  3473. You're not producing estrogen
  3474. like that anymore.
  3475.  
  3476. 792
  3477. 00:56:02,734 --> 00:56:07,739
  3478. Yeah. So it's not the older you get,
  3479. the less you care.
  3480.  
  3481. 793
  3482. 00:56:07,822 --> 00:56:09,449
  3483. It's the older you get,
  3484.  
  3485. 794
  3486. 00:56:10,033 --> 00:56:11,701
  3487. you're just becoming a man.
  3488.  
  3489. 795
  3490. 00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:21,503
  3491. That's why you don't give a fuck.
  3492.  
  3493. 796
  3494. 00:56:24,672 --> 00:56:26,633
  3495. And becoming a man indeed.
  3496.  
  3497. 797
  3498. 00:56:26,716 --> 00:56:27,801
  3499. Oh, my God.
  3500.  
  3501. 798
  3502. 00:56:28,718 --> 00:56:31,388
  3503. If I go four days without tweezing...
  3504.  
  3505. 799
  3506. 00:56:36,059 --> 00:56:39,229
  3507. ...I could have a nice situation
  3508. going on right here.
  3509.  
  3510. 800
  3511. 00:56:42,399 --> 00:56:46,403
  3512. The other day, I pulled a hair
  3513. out of my neck that was so long...
  3514.  
  3515. 801
  3516. 00:56:46,486 --> 00:56:48,780
  3517. I thought my neck was growing bangs.
  3518.  
  3519. 802
  3520. 00:56:48,863 --> 00:56:50,949
  3521. I was like, "What the fuck is this?
  3522.  
  3523. 803
  3524. 00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:52,659
  3525. Ah!
  3526.  
  3527. 804
  3528. 00:56:53,284 --> 00:56:55,286
  3529. How long has this been here?
  3530.  
  3531. 805
  3532. 00:56:56,496 --> 00:56:58,998
  3533. I can see it out the corner of my eye.
  3534.  
  3535. 806
  3536. 00:56:59,791 --> 00:57:00,750
  3537. Ah!"
  3538.  
  3539. 807
  3540. 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:12,470
  3541. My metabolism just shut down.
  3542.  
  3543. 808
  3544. 00:57:13,179 --> 00:57:17,517
  3545. Oh, my God.Â
  3546. I got a nice gut going on. Ugh.
  3547.  
  3548. 809
  3549. 00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,811
  3550. Yeah, Esther is out of control.
  3551.  
  3552. 810
  3553. 00:57:20,895 --> 00:57:23,356
  3554. Woo!
  3555.  
  3556. 811
  3557. 00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:27,610
  3558. Yes, I call her Esther.
  3559.  
  3560. 812
  3561. 00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:30,447
  3562. When I was in my forties,
  3563. I got this little fat roll.
  3564.  
  3565. 813
  3566. 00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:32,574
  3567. I just named it. That was Esther.
  3568.  
  3569. 814
  3570. 00:57:33,074 --> 00:57:35,243
  3571. And now Esther is spreading.
  3572.  
  3573. 815
  3574. 00:57:36,035 --> 00:57:38,121
  3575. Esther is roaming around my body.
  3576.  
  3577. 816
  3578. 00:57:38,204 --> 00:57:40,165
  3579. Esther's all creeping
  3580. around my back, like,
  3581.  
  3582. 817
  3583. 00:57:40,248 --> 00:57:43,918
  3584. "Mm, what's back here?
  3585. Let's see what's back here.
  3586.  
  3587. 818
  3588. 00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:46,171
  3589. Hey."
  3590.  
  3591. 819
  3592. 00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:54,721
  3593. And she wants to eat everything. You know?
  3594.  
  3595. 820
  3596. 00:57:55,346 --> 00:57:58,516
  3597. And, you know, when you get older,
  3598. your digestive system changes.
  3599.  
  3600. 821
  3601. 00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:02,145
  3602. I can't eat a bunch of junk,
  3603. like greasy food and shit like that.
  3604.  
  3605. 822
  3606. 00:58:02,228 --> 00:58:04,230
  3607. That'd tear me up. But Esther's...
  3608.  
  3609. 823
  3610. 00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:06,608
  3611. We sitting there watching TV,
  3612. commercials come on,
  3613.  
  3614. 824
  3615. 00:58:06,691 --> 00:58:08,651
  3616. and Esther's like, "Mmm.
  3617.  
  3618. 825
  3619. 00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:15,074
  3620. Let's live a little. Let's go get
  3621. some of them Taco Bell Nacho Fries."
  3622.  
  3623. 826
  3624. 00:58:16,701 --> 00:58:20,121
  3625. I was like, "Ain't no way in the world
  3626. I can eat some Nacho Fries."
  3627.  
  3628. 827
  3629. 00:58:20,955 --> 00:58:22,790
  3630. If I got some Taco Bell Nacho Fries,
  3631.  
  3632. 828
  3633. 00:58:22,874 --> 00:58:26,002
  3634. I would have to eat them
  3635. in the parking lot of the urgent care.
  3636.  
  3637. 829
  3638. 00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:44,687
  3639. I caught my wife
  3640. eyeballing Esther the other day.
  3641.  
  3642. 830
  3643. 00:58:47,065 --> 00:58:48,983
  3644. That didn't feel good at all.
  3645.  
  3646. 831
  3647. 00:58:51,110 --> 00:58:54,239
  3648. We were getting ready for bed,
  3649. you know, brushing our teeth.
  3650.  
  3651. 832
  3652. 00:58:54,322 --> 00:58:55,532
  3653. You know, brushing my teeth.
  3654.  
  3655. 833
  3656. 00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:56,824
  3657. I've got an electric toothbrush
  3658.  
  3659. 834
  3660. 00:58:56,908 --> 00:59:00,912
  3661. and the jiggling from brushing my teeth
  3662. just kind of...
  3663.  
  3664. 835
  3665. 00:59:01,788 --> 00:59:04,290
  3666. resonated on down, so Esther was just...
  3667.  
  3668. 836
  3669. 00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:14,592
  3670. And I saw my wife look over like...
  3671.  
  3672. 837
  3673. 00:59:16,469 --> 00:59:18,638
  3674. I was like, "Uh-oh, uh-oh."
  3675.  
  3676. 838
  3677. 00:59:18,721 --> 00:59:20,473
  3678. But it's okay.
  3679. Esther can't stand her either.
  3680.  
  3681. 839
  3682. 00:59:20,557 --> 00:59:23,935
  3683. Esther was like, "What the fuck
  3684. you looking at, Frenchie?"
  3685.  
  3686. 840
  3687. 00:59:28,481 --> 00:59:31,568
  3688. "Don't worry, one day,
  3689. you gonna get a little Estelle.
  3690.  
  3691. 841
  3692. 00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:33,486
  3693. Bonjour, Estelle."
  3694.  
  3695. 842
  3696. 00:59:37,323 --> 00:59:38,533
  3697. It's the worst.
  3698.  
  3699. 843
  3700. 00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:42,620
  3701. Whiskers, weight gain, hot flashes.
  3702.  
  3703. 844
  3704. 00:59:43,204 --> 00:59:44,747
  3705. I know, one day, TMZ,
  3706.  
  3707. 845
  3708. 00:59:44,831 --> 00:59:47,208
  3709. they're going to catch me
  3710. standing in the frozen food section
  3711.  
  3712. 846
  3713. 00:59:47,292 --> 00:59:50,295
  3714. with no pants on and a full beard.
  3715.  
  3716. 847
  3717. 00:59:55,466 --> 00:59:56,968
  3718. But I won't give a fuck.
  3719.  
  3720. 848
  3721. 00:59:59,470 --> 01:00:01,764
  3722. I'll be like, "My balls were hot."
  3723.  
  3724. 849
  3725. 01:00:10,189 --> 01:00:12,400
  3726. But, you know, there's help, you know.
  3727.  
  3728. 850
  3729. 01:00:12,483 --> 01:00:15,862
  3730. There's a solution. Like, a lot of women,
  3731. they just take the estrogen.
  3732.  
  3733. 851
  3734. 01:00:15,945 --> 01:00:17,363
  3735. Just take the hormone.
  3736.  
  3737. 852
  3738. 01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:19,282
  3739. But, see, I can't take the estrogen.
  3740.  
  3741. 853
  3742. 01:00:19,365 --> 01:00:22,660
  3743. I can't take the hormone because of
  3744. the type of breast cancer I had. Yeah.
  3745.  
  3746. 854
  3747. 01:00:23,202 --> 01:00:25,622
  3748. But the irony of it all is like when...
  3749.  
  3750. 855
  3751. 01:00:25,705 --> 01:00:27,123
  3752. You know, because I curse and stuff.
  3753.  
  3754. 856
  3755. 01:00:27,206 --> 01:00:32,378
  3756. When people say to me, "Hey, Wanda, would
  3757. it kill you to be a little more ladylike?"
  3758.  
  3759. 857
  3760. 01:00:32,462 --> 01:00:33,379
  3761. I go,
  3762.  
  3763. 858
  3764. 01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:34,714
  3765. "Yes."
  3766.  
  3767. 859
  3768. 01:00:36,299 --> 01:00:37,383
  3769. "It would."
  3770.  
  3771. 860
  3772. 01:00:44,140 --> 01:00:45,433
  3773. "It really would."
  3774.  
  3775. 861
  3776. 01:00:49,395 --> 01:00:51,105
  3777. I'm snoring now.
  3778.  
  3779. 862
  3780. 01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:53,524
  3781. That's different, yep.
  3782.  
  3783. 863
  3784. 01:00:53,608 --> 01:00:54,484
  3785. Snoring.
  3786.  
  3787. 864
  3788. 01:00:55,109 --> 01:00:58,613
  3789. You know, my wife, boy,Â
  3790. God bless her, putting up with it.
  3791.  
  3792. 865
  3793. 01:00:58,696 --> 01:01:01,866
  3794. You know, 'cause, at first, it started off
  3795. with just some deep breathing, you know.
  3796.  
  3797. 866
  3798. 01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:04,410
  3799. Just like...
  3800.  
  3801. 867
  3802. 01:01:07,538 --> 01:01:08,915
  3803. And then it quickly escalated to...
  3804.  
  3805. 868
  3806. 01:01:21,886 --> 01:01:23,346
  3807. How do I know?
  3808.  
  3809. 869
  3810. 01:01:23,429 --> 01:01:25,306
  3811. Because my wife records it.
  3812.  
  3813. 870
  3814. 01:01:30,978 --> 01:01:33,606
  3815. That doesn't feel good.
  3816. That doesn't feel good.
  3817.  
  3818. 871
  3819. 01:01:34,565 --> 01:01:35,400
  3820. Yeah.
  3821.  
  3822. 872
  3823. 01:01:35,483 --> 01:01:37,110
  3824. 'Cause, you know, like, during the day,
  3825.  
  3826. 873
  3827. 01:01:37,193 --> 01:01:40,655
  3828. I'll get, like, a text messageÂ
  3829. from my wife with an audio file.
  3830.  
  3831. 874
  3832. 01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:42,573
  3833. And I get all excited.
  3834.  
  3835. 875
  3836. 01:01:42,657 --> 01:01:44,784
  3837. I'm like, "Oh, my baby loves me.
  3838. She even..."
  3839.  
  3840. 876
  3841. 01:02:00,341 --> 01:02:01,384
  3842. It's bad.
  3843.  
  3844. 877
  3845. 01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:04,595
  3846. 'Cause, you know,
  3847. you wake up in the middle of the night
  3848.  
  3849. 878
  3850. 01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:06,055
  3851. and she's out of the bed.
  3852.  
  3853. 879
  3854. 01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:08,599
  3855. I'm like, "Uh-oh."
  3856. I got to go look for her.
  3857.  
  3858. 880
  3859. 01:02:08,683 --> 01:02:10,893
  3860. Like, "Ooh, did she leave me this time?
  3861. What's going on?"
  3862.  
  3863. 881
  3864. 01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:15,815
  3865. "Oh, no, okay, she's over there withÂ
  3866. the kids. All right, okay. Cool, cool."
  3867.  
  3868. 882
  3869. 01:02:15,898 --> 01:02:18,985
  3870. Yeah. You know, she wears the earplugs,
  3871. and that doesn't help.
  3872.  
  3873. 883
  3874. 01:02:19,068 --> 01:02:20,570
  3875. So she was like, "You know what, babe?
  3876.  
  3877. 884
  3878. 01:02:20,653 --> 01:02:26,159
  3879. I think maybe if I take, like, some Ambien
  3880. or something, that could help."
  3881.  
  3882. 885
  3883. 01:02:26,242 --> 01:02:28,703
  3884. I'm like, "No, no, no.
  3885. You can't take Ambien,
  3886.  
  3887. 886
  3888. 01:02:28,786 --> 01:02:30,413
  3889. because, you know, those drugs,
  3890.  
  3891. 887
  3892. 01:02:30,496 --> 01:02:34,000
  3893. you'll wake up and do things
  3894. you don't even know you're doing.
  3895.  
  3896. 888
  3897. 01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:36,002
  3898. You know, like suffocating me to death."
  3899.  
  3900. 889
  3901. 01:02:42,258 --> 01:02:45,678
  3902. I don't want to wake up
  3903. chewing on a pillow.
  3904.  
  3905. 890
  3906. 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:47,930
  3907. Or she's shoving Vicks down my throat.
  3908. Argh!
  3909.  
  3910. 891
  3911. 01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:58,441
  3912. So I was like,
  3913. "Let me check with my doctor."
  3914.  
  3915. 892
  3916. 01:02:58,524 --> 01:03:01,611
  3917. So I went to the doctor. I was like,
  3918. you know, "I got to do something, man.
  3919.  
  3920. 893
  3921. 01:03:01,694 --> 01:03:03,154
  3922. I got to do something about this."
  3923.  
  3924. 894
  3925. 01:03:03,237 --> 01:03:07,617
  3926. And he was like, "Well, you know, first,
  3927. you got to lose some weight, Wanda."
  3928.  
  3929. 895
  3930. 01:03:07,700 --> 01:03:10,411
  3931. And Esther was like,
  3932. "Fuck you, I want some Nacho Fries!"
  3933.  
  3934. 896
  3935. 01:03:12,497 --> 01:03:14,624
  3936. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
  3937.  
  3938. 897
  3939. 01:03:21,005 --> 01:03:24,592
  3940. And he goes, "You know what?
  3941. You could stop drinking."
  3942.  
  3943. 898
  3944. 01:03:29,305 --> 01:03:30,515
  3945. "What else you got?"
  3946.  
  3947. 899
  3948. 01:03:36,354 --> 01:03:38,147
  3949. And he goes, "You know what, Wanda?
  3950.  
  3951. 900
  3952. 01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:40,483
  3953. I want to test you for sleep apnea.
  3954.  
  3955. 901
  3956. 01:03:40,566 --> 01:03:42,777
  3957. I want to test you for sleep apnea,
  3958.  
  3959. 902
  3960. 01:03:42,860 --> 01:03:46,155
  3961. because
  3962. judging from the recordings, uh..."
  3963.  
  3964. 903
  3965. 01:03:49,408 --> 01:03:51,953
  3966. "Oh, man, that's fucked up."
  3967.  
  3968. 904
  3969. 01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:55,206
  3970. He said,
  3971. "Yeah, I think you have sleep apnea."
  3972.  
  3973. 905
  3974. 01:03:55,289 --> 01:03:58,167
  3975. So I'm like, "No, no,
  3976. I don't want to take that test,
  3977.  
  3978. 906
  3979. 01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:01,045
  3980. because if, uh, I have sleep apnea,
  3981.  
  3982. 907
  3983. 01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:03,798
  3984. then you're going to put me
  3985. on one of those CPAP machines."
  3986.  
  3987. 908
  3988. 01:04:03,881 --> 01:04:05,299
  3989. I said, "I can't do that.
  3990.  
  3991. 909
  3992. 01:04:05,383 --> 01:04:08,010
  3993. You know, my wife
  3994. is ten years younger than I am.
  3995.  
  3996. 910
  3997. 01:04:08,094 --> 01:04:12,515
  3998. I can't be in the bed with a fucking
  3999. Darth Vader mask on. You know?
  4000.  
  4001. 911
  4002. 01:04:13,933 --> 01:04:16,310
  4003. Looking like an astronaut or shit.
  4004. I can't..."
  4005.  
  4006. 912
  4007. 01:04:18,688 --> 01:04:21,482
  4008. You know, I said, "It's bad enough
  4009. I'm already in the bed, you know...
  4010.  
  4011. 913
  4012. 01:04:21,983 --> 01:04:26,112
  4013. hot flashes with a gut
  4014. and a beard coming in."
  4015.  
  4016. 914
  4017. 01:04:30,074 --> 01:04:33,244
  4018. "Now you want me in the bed
  4019. with that mask on?"
  4020.  
  4021. 915
  4022. 01:04:59,812 --> 01:05:01,606
  4023. "Do you want to sit on my face?"
  4024.  
  4025. 916
  4026. 01:05:05,818 --> 01:05:07,486
  4027. Thank you, New York!
  4028.  
  4029. 917
  4030. 01:05:07,570 --> 01:05:10,239
  4031. Yes!
  4032.  
  4033. 918
  4034. 01:05:11,198 --> 01:05:12,491
  4035. Thank you.
  4036.  
  4037. 919
  4038. 01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:25,338
  4039. Â
  4040.  
  4041. 920
  4042. 01:05:51,614 --> 01:05:54,367
  4043. Oy vey, use your knees, Page.
  4044. Come on, push it.
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