Boner Police Ep. 01: Boner Police / Dickasaurus

>It's a pretty chill evening at your pad.
>Everyone left you alone today.
>Fucking ponies.
>You kick your feet up on the table and watch some tv.
>Holy shit pony tv sucks.
>It's almost all reality shows.
>Right in the middle of Dragon House, your door is kicked in.
>Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Fluttershy all walk into your house.
>They're wearing police uniforms complete with fake mustaches.
"What the fuck do you three think you're doing?"
>All of your little rapists are here.
>Lyra begins putting yellow tape over your broken door, "this is a crime scene, stay back ponies!"
>Rainbow Dash points a squirtgun at you, "don't you bucking move punk!"
>Fluttershy approaches you slowly, "p-please don't move sir, we are the um, Boner Police and we're here to rub out c-crime."
>Lyra looks over her her shoulder and whispers loudly, "and his dick, say his dick!"
>"Oh yes and um, your hot monkey d-d-d-d-"
>Rainbow Dash jumps on you.
>You grab her face and push.
"Get the fuck out!"
>"We got a 5150 in progress!" Rainbow Dash pulls out a real taser and shocks you.
>Your body spasms then goes limp.
>The three stand above you, staring down with their ridiculous mustaches.
>Lyra pulls out her baton, "good job team. Hand jobs all around."
>Rainbow's wings are hard as rock, "I'm gonna make you make me squeal like a pig."
>Fluttershy rubs your face, "another day r-raped thanks to the Boner Police."
>You spend the rest of the night being tasered, handcuffed and batoned by three ponies wearing fake mustaches while they fuck you.
>The next day you submit a report with the real police.
>And are arrested for rape.

+++BONER POLICE+++

>Day drugs are cool in Equestria.
>You've finally gotten your hands on some legit pony acid.
>Hopefully the Boner Police™®© don't find out about this shit.
>You've locked yourself away safely, ready to trip balls.
>In the CMC's tree house.
>You take the tab and wait.
"No looking at your hands again and no looking in the mirror. Got this Anon."
>It doesn't take long for the effects to come on.
>You get up and walk over to the chair that's smiling at you.
>"Hey Anon, I'm Chairman Roosevelt."
"Pffff..."
>"You should spin me! Spin me good!"
>Why not?
>You spin that chair.
"Spin that chair."
>Done spun it good.
"Spun it good."
>Suddenly the window explodes, making you scream and fall on the floor.
>Fluttershy peaks through the window.
>She's become a massive yellow tyrannosaurus.
>You piss yourself and she looks at you with a giant eye, "ROA-R... I'm um, I'm a D-Dickasaurus. My sight is based on um, dicks. If that's o-okay with you."
>You spend the next two days high as fuck, running away and screaming as Fluttershy chases you with a green box on her head all over town.
>No one stops it.