fuk u jared X-D

Baypark - Last Tuesday at 1:05 AM
hey
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 1:14 AM
hey
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 1:16 AM
what's #1 question u've been wanting to ask me most this past 2 months
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 1:23 AM
how've you been
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 1:23 AM
bad XD
wanna know why
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 1:23 AM
how come
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 1:23 AM
bc u
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 1:24 AM
hm
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 1:24 AM
u wanna know why i bother to waste my time talking to u rn though
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 1:25 AM
why
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 1:26 AM
bc there is a lot of things i've been wanting to say
and rly i have been holding back for a long time bc idk if i've been just getting irrationally mad
and believe me this is something i've thought about daily bc u have never left my mind
but i think i really just hate u and can never see u the same again
what i thought of u before was a delusion anyway
idk how i can let myself get upset over something like this to the point where i'm ruining my other completely unrelated relationships
and for a long time i wanted u to be under the impression that i'm actually doing great
and honestly i was, i felt like i was freed from a cage
but then the thoughts rly sunk in deep and u can never imagine what a wreck i am now
oh and just to be clear: i don't wanna be ur friend ever again, if that's also something you've been wondering about
i rlly cannot understand HOW that thing between us has completely destroyed my sense of self worth and confidence
not to mention my trust for people
and yet i still think about you every single day, whether it be for a moment or for hours
and it just boils my blood every time i think about it
bc at first i was like wow i rly miss that, he was great but actually no, now in retrospect i actually feel like i rlly was used and tossed aside
and u cannot deny the tossing aside part
and u have no idea how much i tried to make peace with it, and how much i wanted to be ok with things and come back and just be with u guys again like before
but there's actually 0 chance of that ever being a thing again
and i hope u know that's ur fault
yo if ur not gonna talk to me, at least lmk so i don't waste my time waiting for a response LOL
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 1:57 AM
was in a game sorry
i had been wondering for sure cause ive thought a lot about seeing if you wanted to be friends again but i knew that it wasnt my place to try to get back into your life if thats not whats best
i agree in the sense of tossing you aside to some aspect, i dealt with things very poorly as you we talked about before we stopped being friends
i tried to move on from things so that we could try to stay friends somehow but it didnt work because i didnt communicate with you during that period
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:00 AM
i started distancing myself to try to get over you but in doing that all i did was fuck up our friendship
and yeah i do know that its my fault, im glad you reminded me of that
i messed up a lot with us and that will stick with me for a long time
its not been an easy couple months not having you around, ive gotten by but its quite empty
ive kept in mind that its for the best because we were obviously not working out as friends after things happened, but that hasnt exactly made things easier
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:03 AM
u know i wouldn't have even bothered to talk to you again if i didn't care at all
but i've been getting pissed literally every day even at people that i don't want to hurt
and i hurt them because i'm mad about you LOL
and i'm not the type to get jealous, but i see myself just being bitter all the time and u know 100% i've been keeping tabs on you
it's only empty till u find a replacement
can u say u really missed jenny when we were super close and talked every minute of the day?
but what frustrates me the most is my inability to just erase you from my mind
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:05 AM
i didnt miss her
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:05 AM
cuz i'm rlly still not over it and it makes zero sense to me because i can't ever be with someone like u
ya u didn't
that's my point
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:06 AM
shes for sure been replaced by you
i dont think about whether or not shes doing ok anymore but whether or not youre ok
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:06 AM
i'm just another egirl that ur gonna get a replacement for jared
if u haven'f already
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:07 AM
nah
definitely not
in time people move on for sure
i wont deny that
but youre not just another girl ive met in my life you were a really special friend to me
and fucking that up is something that will hurt me for awhile
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:07 AM
do u know what i wondered every day?
i wondered if u even missed me and especially if that relationship meant anything at all
but no matter what u say
or said
that's already been answered in my mind by me, seeing ur actions
i liferally don't trust anything anyone says anymore
at all
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:09 AM
what do you mean my actions
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:09 AM
shit's all great until at night when i realize ppl only came to me when they're lonely
ur mouth always made these noises about how much i mattered
and u didn't wanna make an effort
so how much did i actualy matter?
not enough for u to try
do me a favor, never ever get involved with girls online and ESPECIALLY don't say shit that you think you mean in the moment
when you actually don't
i'm not here looking for like
an apology or a confession
i'm just here because i'm literally just damaged and ruining all of my friendships bc of how angry i am about you
like i even went as far as making a fucking private blog bc i can't get you out of my head
ever
i always wonder why because frankly i don't want to be involved with you anymore
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:15 AM
yeah well i definitely have a lot to learn when it comes to being involved with someone
ive consistently fucked up relationships in my life by not thinking about things
very important things
i dont really blame you for feeling like that either, i really did leave you alone when i tried to move
we talked about needing to stop and we agreed but it wasnt like a decision we both made on what we would do
i did what i thought was best but it was the worst choice i could have made
i KNOW exactly how much i fucked up and that doesnt leave me
i think about it everyday
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:17 AM
getting involved in the first place was the mistake lmaoo
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:17 AM
probably
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:18 AM
jared just never ever get involved with girls online
and think before u say anything
i'm so fucking tired when someone tells me they care about me
and i just think
"do u rlly"
don't let that happen to anyone else
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:19 AM
thats the last thing i want to do
if you really think im that shitty of a person then idk
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:19 AM
oh haha
for a long time
i tried to tell myself
shit happens, he's actually really genuine and tried hard to be a good friend
i don't deny that at all
i know u tried
that doesn't change how angry i am with u and how things happened though
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:20 AM
just wasnt enough
there was a lot more i could have done
or
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:20 AM
like what lol
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:20 AM
not done
effort wise? like staying on the same page with you
i realize that you say getting involved at all the was the issue
but what happened happened and from then i handled things
so poorly
i just went my own direction distancing myself trying to move on
that was the weak move
thats the
i care more about myself decision
i did not do enough to make sure that you knew exactly what i was thinking
feeling
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:22 AM
yeah u did that pretty well, looked like u were done within a few days X-D
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:22 AM
and talk to you about how we wanna handle things
tried to make it seem that way for sure but it wasnt that easy for me
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:22 AM
whatever though, we've had this conversation countless times
ok
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:23 AM
i know and its still the same thing
i fucked up
it was my fault that things ended this way
and i know that
i have to live with that and im sorry, i know an apology does nothing
but i fucked everything up
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:23 AM
just tell bagel it's not his fault at all and i'm sorry to him
i'm sleeping
i have class at 9
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:24 AM
tbh i probably shouldnt tell him that
if you want to tell him that
pm him
thats between you and him
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:24 AM
lol
ok w/e
Sneakysamekek - Last Tuesday at 2:25 AM
i know it means nothing from me but congrats on graduating
Baypark - Last Tuesday at 2:25 AM
thanks
work on ur sleep schedule it's awful