Alright bet.
1) The poly thing was not suppose to be a serious thing to take out of proportion, but it seems it did, that was something that was taken a way  I didn’t expect it to go so lemme properly address that. I never discussed it with Nova because it wasn’t something to be discussed. I can’t find myself nor nova can find herself in a poly relationship. I don’t look at you that way but I should’ve remembered that your feelings are sensitive so I apologize for suggesting that type of relationship with Nova and you. I wasn’t trying to throw you around or suggest that you are someone just to date or something for fun, but since I made it  seem that way I apologize for making you feel that way.

Secondly, Rob isn’t in this at all because he never SAID anything it was all on me, so don’t start bringing him into this either. PC, as I see it, sent it thinking that everyone would take it as a joke and be like “haha lol”, but nobody thought you guys would actually feel something about it because you made jokes about it too. But then it became a more serious thing that PC didn’t account for. I overreacted though. When I said I dunno how long he’ll stick around for, I was not talking about you at all in that statement or had you in mind. So don’t tell me about how you’re heart is healing when I already know that.
3) Yes, I do know the past you guys had with being abused, Nova has told me a bunch of times about her past, and I’ve seen first hand. Backtalking you guys even about something so small in a game isn’t right, and I apologize for that too, that was out of hand, immature and horrible of me because you are so close to me and Nova is my girlfriend who I made feel sad and ruined her weekend. You also say I thought you guys were suppose to take it as a joke, which, if I’m honest, wasn’t suppose to be shown in the first place but I can’t take back what I’ve done and who I did it too and how I made everyone feel. I  feel badly about that and I’m also sorry about saying that even though I was fully aware of the past you and Nova had.
4) The “few lines” on it and me  having to be brought attention that I had to apologize to you was on me. I was exhausted, I had to read and type paragraphs too. I’m sorry for essentially forgetting about you and how you felt. Nova is my top priority and how she felt I put above all else but in doing so, I instead disregarded  you too, who I call my best friend but didn’t even think about even thinking about asking if you have anything to say to me too. I can’t do everything at once, I’ve already been through that “oh woe is me” feeling but now it’s about you and I’m sorry, I am DEEPLY sorry that I call you my bestfriend but didn’t even think about saying “tell me how you’re feeling too Mari.”
Lastly, and most importantly, I love you. You mean the world to me Mari, but if you’re saying that you hold my hand then you’re making it sound like an *obligation* for you to do so. I know that you want to see Nova happy and be loved by someone who she loves the same, but you make it sound like this relationship we have is an obstacle that you either avoid or overcome. If putting  me first along with nova is too much, put me to the side. I am not you’re responsibility. But you’ll probably say I’m not, but Nova is because you love her, which I’m fully totally fine with. But you gotta realize when it’s time to take a break for yourself. Of course I’ll fuck up here and there and of course I’ll need some guidance but I don’t need you to hold my hand. I got this. I’m learning how to represent my feelings seriously instead of joking about it. I’m learning how to accept truths about myself that I never wanted to, but I am for the the good of Nova and I’s relationship. I love the fact that you’re here, because you help us both and you bring us all together. I love that you can be there for Nova when she’s down to know that she has support from both you and I. But if I’m becoming too much of a burden to you because I fuck up trying to learn my faults, then don’t stress or exert so much energy into me. Thank you for being honest with me and telling me how you feel. I hope this is a better apology  or reassurance and if not, tell me where I was wrong. Even though it was brutally honest, it was honesty that had to be said. For now, I’m cooked ngl I don’t know how to word that any better. I’m exhausted, but I know that the amount of work I’m putting in for Nova is worth it, because Nova is worth it. 💜 Alright and this is the end of the essay.....