Math jokes 1-5

Dec 27th, 2016
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  1. December 1st
  3. A professor of physics explains a very complex concept when a flabbergasted student interrupted him: "Why do we learn this stuff?" "To save lifes", the prof answered and continued. Some minutes later the student put his hand up again: "How does physics save lives?" The prof gazed at the student for a while and then said: "Physics saves lifes ... by keeping idiots away from medicine."
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  7. December 2nd
  9. Examiner: „Just paint a draft of the sinus.“ [examinee draws] “Looks just fine!” Examinee: “No, that’s supposed to be the x-axis, I’m a bit nervous …”
  12. A chief cook explains his apprentice: “Okay first you take two thirds of water, a third of cream and a third of stock and then ...” “Um, chief”, the apprentice interrupts, “that’s already four thirds!” Then, the chief angrily: “Dude, don’t be so awkward, just take a bigger pot!”
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  16. December 3rd
  18. Typical answers to the question: “What is 2 times 2?”
  20. Medicine: "2. Learned that by rote."
  21. Engineer takes his calculator, fumbles around a bit and says "3.9999999999999"
  22. Physician: "In the ballpark of 10^1"
  23. Algebraist: "Depends on the characteristic you use"
  24. Logician: "Please define 2 times 2 more precisely"
  25. Psychiatrist: "I dunno, but it's nice that we talked about it"
  26. Jurist: "by what right do you ask me this question?"
  27. Politician: "I don't understand your question"
  28. Officer: stands up from his desk, counts 2 times 2 sheep and then falls asleep again
  29. Waiter: "What do you wanna drink with it?"
  30. Archivist: "Last time I checked it was exactly 4."
  31. Trade school teacher: "4 but you can forget that anyway, you don't need that again"
  32. Chief: "Please agree on an appointment with my secretary at first"
  33. Biologician: "A fecund gene pool."
  34. The Mafia: "You ask too many questions."
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  38. December 4th
  40. A mathematician wants to enframe his newest proof as a picture on the wall; sadly nobody's there to assist him. Well, he takes a hammer and nail himself and holds the nail with its head towards the wall. Before he wants to hammer it, he looks at it and hesitates. He thinks and thinks - after five minutes he's got the solution: "This is a nail for the opposite wall!"
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  44. December 5th
  46. Main school 1960: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for 50 German Marks (DM). The production costs equal four fifths of the revails. Reckon the profit!
  48. High school 1975: An agricultural economist sells an amount of subterranean field crops for an amount G of money; G has cardinality 50. For elements g ∊ G it holds that g equals 1 DM. The set of production costs H is less mighty than G by ten elements. Paint a picture of H as a subset of G and determine the cardinality of the profit set L := G \ H.
  50. Comprehensive school 1990: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for 50 DM. The production costs are 40 DM, the profit is 10 DM. Underline the word “profit” and discuss about it with your neighbor.
  52. Free Waldorf School 1995: Paint a bag of potatoes and sing a song about it.
  54. Autonomous Experience School 2005: A farmer offers organic potatoes on the market. Take a potato in hand. How is it to the touch? How does it smell like? Scrape off some dirt, pulverise it between your fingers. Inhale the smell. Close your eyes and empathize with the potato. You’re the dirt! Feel the humidity, the darkness … now come back and open your eyes.
  56. Integrated comprehensive school 2015: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for 50 DM. The production costs are 40 DM, the profit is 10 DM. Underline the word “potato” and discuss about it with your classmates from different cultural milieus. Don’t use any weapons!
  58. Whatever school 2050: Srry no moar potatoez in teh house! Only pom frits at mc donelds. Long live the progress!
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