1
00:00:03,386 --> 00:00:04,887
[muzak playing]

2
00:00:04,887 --> 00:00:09,141
do you know where I can find
4 "d" batteries
for my flashlight?

3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,394
Um, aisle 30, I think.

4
00:00:12,394 --> 00:00:14,346
This is aisle 30.

5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,231
15... 3...

6
00:00:16,231 --> 00:00:19,184
Stop guessing.
Either you know,
or you don't know.

7
00:00:19,184 --> 00:00:21,071
Sir, I'm tryin
g to help you.

8
00:00:26,158 --> 00:00:27,527
Hey, you! Wait!

9
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,830
[groans]

10
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,201
batteries?

11
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,371
You just passed 'em.

12
00:00:38,755 --> 00:00:40,256
Right through that door, sir.

13
00:00:40,256 --> 00:00:41,341
[sighs]
thank you.

14
00:00:50,015 --> 00:00:51,968
[sighing]
I hate this place.

15
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,470
Yahoo!

16
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:58,222
[rock 'n' roll
music playing]

17
00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:26,051
(miss kremzer)
as a stylist,
you must remember

18
00:01:26,051 --> 00:01:29,170
a bad haircut can cost
your client their job,

19
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:30,671
even get them beat up.

20
00:01:31,138 --> 00:01:33,975
That's why we practice
on the senior citizens.

21
00:01:33,975 --> 00:01:38,646
Miss kremzer,
my senior citizen
is too small for my chair.

22
00:01:38,646 --> 00:01:39,897
Can I get a new one?

23
00:01:40,231 --> 00:01:41,733
Luanne, please!

24
00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:43,685
Some of them can hear you.

25
00:01:43,685 --> 00:01:46,688
Would you step into my office?

26
00:01:46,688 --> 00:01:50,075
I haven't received
your tuition check
for this trimester
.

27
00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:53,078
oh, really?
Um, I mailed it.

28
00:01:53,495 --> 00:01:55,496
Oh, you did, did you?
That's good.

29
00:01:55,997 --> 00:01:58,866
Because if you hadn't,
I would've had to suspend you.

30
00:01:58,866 --> 00:02:00,368
But since you did mail it,

31
00:02:00,368 --> 00:02:03,454
why don't we just sit here
and wait until it comes?

32
00:02:10,878 --> 00:02:12,881
I didn't mail the check.

33
00:02:13,298 --> 00:02:14,800
If I don't pay my tuition,

34
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,801
I can't go
to beauty school anymore.

35
00:02:16,801 --> 00:02:19,437
[sighs]
can you believe that?

36
00:02:19,437 --> 00:02:20,438
How much was it,
again?

37
00:02:20,438 --> 00:02:21,939
$300.

38
00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:23,942
Uh, all I have is $400,

39
00:02:24,359 --> 00:02:26,360
and that's going
towards my new trampoline.

40
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,862
I mean, the trampoline
I have now is good,

41
00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:29,146
but you know...

42
00:02:29,531 --> 00:02:31,783
Yeah, ok.

43
00:02:31,949 --> 00:02:33,817
Night, buckley
.

44
00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:35,286
[bike engine starting]

45
00:02:35,787 --> 00:02:37,788
ok, hank.
Try turning it back on now

46
00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:41,292
(woman on television)
...because feeling fresh
is important to a woman.

47
00:02:41,292 --> 00:02:42,793
[shrieking]

48
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:45,295
(bobby)
dad, can I come back in, now?

49
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,165
Not yet, son,
stay in the kitchen.

50
00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:51,668
Ok, bobby.
You can come back in.

51
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,138
(man on television)
your garden will be
a horn of plenty

52
00:02:54,504 --> 00:02:57,508
with mega lo mulch
in easy-to-lift 50-pound bags.

53
00:02:58,009 --> 00:03:00,812
Mmm, that chuck mangione
is one class act.

54
00:03:01,179 --> 00:03:04,181
And now mega lo mart
has propane,
and propane accessories,

55
00:03:04,681 --> 00:03:08,436
at mega-low prices.
And it "fuels" so good.

56
00:03:08,436 --> 00:03:10,271
Propane at mega lo mart?

57
00:03:10,687 --> 00:03:12,189
Uh, bobby,
leave the room

58
00:03:13,191 --> 00:03:15,109
you bastards!

59
00:03:15,109 --> 00:03:17,027
[chattering]

60
00:03:17,527 --> 00:03:20,531
all right, all right.
Everybody settle down.

61
00:03:21,032 --> 00:03:23,533
Mega lo mart
may be selling propane now,

62
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,536
but they're in for
the fight of their lives.

63
00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:27,170
Tell 'em, buck.

64
00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:30,675
Well, there's no way
we can compete
with their prices.

65
00:03:30,675 --> 00:03:34,177
But debbie and I
stayed late last night

66
00:03:34,177 --> 00:03:36,430
.
and after that,
we came up with a plan

67
00:03:36,713 --> 00:03:37,715
yes, we have a plan!

68
00:03:38,216 --> 00:03:41,769
Good work,
buck and, uh, debbie.

69
00:03:41,769 --> 00:03:45,223
We're gonna beat mega lo mart
by givin' the customer
what they can't,

70
00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:47,224
the personal touch.

71
00:03:47,224 --> 00:03:51,778
A little program
i'm gonna call
"service with a hug."

72
00:03:51,778 --> 00:03:53,146
[laughing nervously]

73
00:03:55,149 --> 00:03:55,983
you're serious?

74
00:03:58,953 --> 00:04:00,872
[doorbell jangling]

75
00:04:00,872 --> 00:04:04,375
hi. Welcome
to strickland propane.
Service with a...

76
00:04:07,211 --> 00:04:08,712
hug.

77
00:04:08,712 --> 00:04:11,382
ugh,
I'm really sorry
about that.

78
00:04:11,382 --> 00:04:12,884
Now, what can we do for you?

79
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:16,220
Well, I was just wonderin',
do you honor
mega lo mart coupons?

80
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:18,004
No, but for pennies more,

81
00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:21,259
you get the same propane
and strickland service

82
00:04:21,259 --> 00:04:23,144
well, how many pennies?

83
00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:25,146
Several hundred.

84
00:04:26,596 --> 00:04:27,932
I hugged you!

85
00:04:34,355 --> 00:04:36,324
Sure, son,
the wagner char king

86
00:04:36,824 --> 00:04:39,326
does cost a little les
s here at mega lo mart.

87
00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:43,331
But when you
buy at strickland,
135 los gatos road

88
00:04:43,331 --> 00:04:44,831
you don't just get a grill

89
00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:47,834
you get a spatula
and a friend.

90
00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:49,336
A good spatula!

91
00:04:49,336 --> 00:04:51,706
Sir, there's no yelling
in the propane department.

92
00:04:52,173 --> 00:04:55,927
Some of these gases are
extremely volubuleous.

93
00:04:56,259 --> 00:04:58,262
Well, buckley,
I have a complaint.

94
00:04:58,262 --> 00:05:01,214
I would like to talk
circles around the person

95
00:05:01,214 --> 00:05:03,550
who runs your
propane department.

96
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,353
hey.

97
00:05:05,353 --> 00:05:07,105
They don't want me
making keys anymore.

98
00:05:07,605 --> 00:05:10,108
I don't know
whether to laugh or vomit.

99
00:05:11,809 --> 00:05:12,976
[sizzling]

100
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:14,978
say, I wanna
thank you guys

101
00:05:14,978 --> 00:05:18,231
for continuing
to buy your propane
from strickland.

102
00:05:18,231 --> 00:05:19,951
You're about due
for a fill-up, dale.

103
00:05:20,401 --> 00:05:22,903
What's it been?
5, 6 cookouts?

104
00:05:22,903 --> 00:05:24,704
No, I'm--i'm all set.

105
00:05:24,704 --> 00:05:26,072
huh!

106
00:05:26,072 --> 00:05:28,158
Oh, that's odd.
The gauge must be broken.

107
00:05:28,158 --> 00:05:30,745
It says your
tank's full. Here.

108
00:05:30,745 --> 00:05:32,547
Mega lo mart?

109
00:05:34,882 --> 00:05:36,584
[dale screaming]

110
00:05:37,084 --> 00:05:40,137
I am changing
the seating plan
in my classroom.

111
00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:43,641
Mr. Garcia has been hiding
from me for too long.

112
00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:46,843
Welcome to the front row,
mr. Garcia.

113
00:05:46,843 --> 00:05:48,346
Are--are you listening
, hank?

114
00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,764
I gotta come up with
some kind of battle plan.

115
00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:53,567
We're huggin' our way
down the crapper, here.

116
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:55,069
[knocking]

117
00:05:55,069 --> 00:05:57,071
(luanne)
uncle hank, aunt peg,
can I come in?

118
00:05:57,071 --> 00:05:57,904
no!
yes!

119
00:05:57,904 --> 00:05:59,356
You know,

120
00:05:59,856 --> 00:06:02,326
I didn't wanna
ask you for money.

121
00:06:02,326 --> 00:06:03,827
That's a good instinct,
luanne.

122
00:06:03,827 --> 00:06:05,163
Go on, honey.

123
00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:07,415
They won't let me back in
beauty academy

124
00:06:07,415 --> 00:06:09,584
unless I pay them $300

125
00:06:09,584 --> 00:06:11,586
and I can't make $300

126
00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:14,588
until I'm a rich and famous hollywood makeup artist.

127
00:06:15,005 --> 00:06:18,509
Yup. You got yourself
a real catch-22 there.

128
00:06:19,009 --> 00:06:19,793
Good night.

129
00:06:21,095 --> 00:06:25,550
Now, sir, I know
we could never match
mega lo mart's prices,

130
00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:28,802
but I thought
maybe we could get
ourselves a spokesperson

131
00:06:28,802 --> 00:06:32,807
the way mega lo mart
cashes in on
chuck mangione's star power.

132
00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:36,726
Now, I've done some research
on this zamfir fella,

133
00:06:36,726 --> 00:06:40,730
and I found out
he's sold more albums
worldwide than the beatles.

134
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:42,233
His music's better, too.

135
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:43,651
Hank, it's too late.

136
00:06:44,151 --> 00:06:45,452
I've--

137
00:06:45,452 --> 00:06:48,038
I've decided
to shut down this branch
of strickland propane.

138
00:06:48,038 --> 00:06:50,040
What? No! Sir, you...

139
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,542
We can't give up!

140
00:06:51,542 --> 00:06:54,045
Hank, listen,
I got 4 more branches
to think about.

141
00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:57,048
Sometimes you just
gotta cut off
a finger to save the hand.

142
00:06:57,048 --> 00:06:58,499
.
I gotta let you go

143
00:06:58,665 --> 00:07:00,218
you're firin' me?

144
00:07:00,584 --> 00:07:03,420
I can't even afford
to give you
a severance package, but..

145
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:06,423
You can have 5 minutes
at the office supply cabinet.

146
00:07:07,807 --> 00:07:10,310
Make a basket out
of your shirt, honey.

147
00:07:11,228 --> 00:07:12,562
[cracking]

148
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:24,074
[grunting]

149
00:07:24,074 --> 00:07:27,411
take your damn batteries back.
Take 'em back.

150
00:07:27,911 --> 00:07:28,946
Bastards!

151
00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:34,619
I don't want 'em.
You can have 'em.

152
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,624
Boy, you get a lot
of batteries for $4.

153
00:07:40,124 --> 00:07:41,125
[grunting]

154
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:42,125
bastards!

155
00:07:47,764 --> 00:07:51,269
Dad, what about this
big box of tissues?

156
00:07:51,269 --> 00:07:52,769
Is it from
mega lo mart?

157
00:07:52,769 --> 00:07:54,771
No, but it was
touching something that is.

158
00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:56,691
Throw it out.

159
00:07:56,691 --> 00:07:58,975
Well, folks, there is
no chance in hell we are
gonna lose this house

160
00:07:58,975 --> 00:08:01,362
because I have spent
a lot of time thinking

161
00:08:01,362 --> 00:08:03,281
and preparing us
for this exact moment.

162
00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:04,447
You what?

163
00:08:04,447 --> 00:08:07,285
Hank, I married you
for better or for worse.

164
00:08:07,701 --> 00:08:09,704
So, during the better,
I planned for the worse.

165
00:08:10,204 --> 00:08:11,706
I saved all our
old curtains

166
00:08:11,706 --> 00:08:13,624
so that I could make
some clothes for bobby

167
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:15,041
we will grow our
own vegetables,

168
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:16,459
and we'll eat
carrots for dessert.

169
00:08:16,459 --> 00:08:20,247
[gasps]
I thought you said
we were gonna be ok.

170
00:08:20,247 --> 00:08:23,384
From now on, I'll be
the breadwinner of the house.

171
00:08:23,384 --> 00:08:26,336
Oh, not that
you're the bread loser.
We're all winners here!

172
00:08:29,173 --> 00:08:31,175
[spanish music playing on tv]

173
00:08:33,594 --> 00:08:34,595
[speaking spanish]

174
00:08:34,595 --> 00:08:35,846
[gasping]

175
00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:38,231
why is the pope holding that gun?

176
00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:42,235
That is not the pope.
It's monsignor martinez.

177
00:08:42,235 --> 00:08:43,236
[sighing]

178
00:08:43,236 --> 00:08:44,739
vaya con dios!

179
00:08:44,739 --> 00:08:46,323
[gun firing]

180
00:08:46,323 --> 00:08:51,495
hmm. "wanted--
One hard-working man
to replace 4 who weren't."

181
00:08:51,495 --> 00:08:53,496
Stop lookin'. You found him.

182
00:08:53,496 --> 00:08:55,832
You'll notice
that the door on
your left is open.

183
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,336
And if you're not interested
in making money,

184
00:08:58,336 --> 00:09:03,173
I want you to walk
right out that door,
because this is not for you.

185
00:09:03,173 --> 00:09:05,960
Can I just ask,
what exactly are we selling?

186
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:08,261
That's a very good question.

187
00:09:08,763 --> 00:09:11,599
You'll be selling
opportunity.

188
00:09:11,599 --> 00:09:14,601
With your initial
investment of $300,

189
00:09:15,101 --> 00:09:17,471
you can make up
to $60,000

190
00:09:17,471 --> 00:09:21,442
or as much as
$200,000!

191
00:09:21,442 --> 00:09:22,942
It's up to you.

192
00:09:22,942 --> 00:09:24,311
(both)
you! You! You!

193
00:09:24,812 --> 00:09:25,812
[clapping]

194
00:09:25,812 --> 00:09:27,148
(both)
you!

195
00:09:27,565 --> 00:09:28,566
what's in the box?

196
00:09:28,982 --> 00:09:31,485
All right, eager beaver,
it's time for us to tell you.

197
00:09:31,485 --> 00:09:33,486
Inside each of these boxes

198
00:09:33,486 --> 00:09:36,740
are 24 smaller boxes,

199
00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:39,210
filled with dreams

200
00:09:39,493 --> 00:09:41,995
oh, god!
We're not selling
steak knives, are we?

201
00:09:41,995 --> 00:09:44,498
Uh, not we. You!

202
00:09:44,999 --> 00:09:47,918
! [audience clapping]
(both)
you, you, you, you

203
00:09:49,336 --> 00:09:52,338
uncle hank,
what's a b.t.u.?

204
00:09:52,338 --> 00:09:54,225
British thermal unit.

205
00:09:54,225 --> 00:09:55,225
oh!

206
00:09:55,225 --> 00:09:58,428
So, there's no bacon
in it at all, then.

207
00:09:58,428 --> 00:10:00,931
Luanne, I think
you picked up the wrong book.

208
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:02,232
That's about propane.

209
00:10:02,232 --> 00:10:03,100
I know.

210
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,601
[chuckling]

211
00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:07,187
i'm studying to be
a propane salesman,

212
00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:09,523
just like you used to be,
uncle hank.

213
00:10:09,856 --> 00:10:12,359
That's a neat idea, luanne
. While you're at it,

214
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:15,779
maybe you can fly
around the world
in a weather balloon.

215
00:10:15,779 --> 00:10:18,783
I can, too,
get a job selling propane.

216
00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:22,036
Huh! Buckley said
he'd hire me
at the mega lo mart.

217
00:10:22,036 --> 00:10:23,703
Mega lo mart?

218
00:10:23,703 --> 00:10:26,456
Why don't you
just go down to hell
and work for the devil?

219
00:10:26,841 --> 00:10:29,876
[yelling]
good thing that I don't have
dangerous brain powers,

220
00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:32,679
or right now,
you'd be in
1000 little pieces!

221
00:10:34,264 --> 00:10:36,765
I've answered 40
classified ads,

222
00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:38,967
and I didn't get
a single response.

223
00:10:38,967 --> 00:10:41,971
Hey, man, I know how it is
. Man, you go get low down
on that money, man,

224
00:10:42,471 --> 00:10:45,975
just come to that
ol' bank of boomhauer.
Get a little ol' cash advance.

225
00:10:45,975 --> 00:10:48,477
Dang ol' additional charge
s may apply, man.

226
00:10:48,477 --> 00:10:51,980
Well, I appreciate that,
but we're doing fine, thanks.

227
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:55,868
Peggy's landed some extra work
as a notary public.

228
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,370
You got yourself
a good man there, hank.

229
00:10:59,871 --> 00:11:00,873
Uh...

230
00:11:00,873 --> 00:11:02,375
What did you just say, bill?

231
00:11:02,375 --> 00:11:03,875
[birds chirping]

232
00:11:04,626 --> 00:11:06,412
[grunting]

233
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,214
[groans]

234
00:11:08,214 --> 00:11:11,717
propane is,
a: flammable.

235
00:11:11,717 --> 00:11:14,052
B: non-flammable.

236
00:11:14,052 --> 00:11:16,556
C: all of the above.

237
00:11:16,556 --> 00:11:18,006
hmm.

238
00:11:18,006 --> 00:11:21,009
Well, you can't
eat propane, so...

239
00:11:21,009 --> 00:11:22,010
[sighs]

240
00:11:22,010 --> 00:11:23,929
for god's sakes,
it's flammable!

241
00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:25,315
I could have gotten that!

242
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,432
You would have
never gotten that!

243
00:11:27,432 --> 00:11:28,985
[yelling]
uncle hank!

244
00:11:29,485 --> 00:11:29,851
[gasping]

245
00:11:38,494 --> 00:11:42,664
how could such a good cop
become such a bad priest?

246
00:11:42,664 --> 00:11:44,667
Ah, well,
I threw out my ethics

247
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:47,169
and I notarized
velma throckmorton's will.

248
00:11:47,169 --> 00:11:49,672
I hope those cats know
how to run a toy store

249
00:11:49,672 --> 00:11:51,707
honey, did you iron
my blouse for tomorrow?

250
00:11:51,707 --> 00:11:53,209
no. I don't know
how to iron,

251
00:11:53,209 --> 00:11:55,293
and I don't wanna learn.

252
00:11:55,293 --> 00:11:58,297
Hank, we're all taking on
extra responsibilities
because of your...

253
00:11:58,297 --> 00:11:59,182
Situation.

254
00:11:59,182 --> 00:12:00,682
I'm tryin', peggy.

255
00:12:01,183 --> 00:12:03,469
Don't be a "try-baby," hank,
be a "do-baby."

256
00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:05,772
[kissing]

257
00:12:08,691 --> 00:12:10,692
[man speaking spanish]

258
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:17,115
(luanne)
come on, luanne.

259
00:12:17,115 --> 00:12:20,370
No job, no hollywood.
You can do this.

260
00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:23,655
Remember,
b.t.u., british thermal unit.

261
00:12:23,956 --> 00:12:24,956
No bacon--

262
00:12:24,956 --> 00:12:25,957
(buckley)
hey.

263
00:12:25,957 --> 00:12:28,461
i'm ready for the test,
buckley.

264
00:12:28,461 --> 00:12:32,465
I just pushed everythin'
out of my mind except propane.

265
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:34,466
Well, and how to get here.

266
00:12:34,466 --> 00:12:35,967
You don't have
to take the test now.

267
00:12:35,967 --> 00:12:37,552
I gave the job
to somebody else.

268
00:12:37,552 --> 00:12:38,553
[gasping]

269
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:41,423
[screaming]

270
00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:48,264
so, I guess you think
you're going to work
right now,

271
00:12:48,264 --> 00:12:51,267
off to sell propane
in your fancy vest.

272
00:12:51,734 --> 00:12:53,519
Hope you like
walkin', though,

273
00:12:53,519 --> 00:12:58,024
because I took your car keys
and I flushed
them down the toilet.

274
00:12:58,524 --> 00:13:00,025
[laughing]

275
00:13:00,525 --> 00:13:02,662
luanne, have you seen
my car keys?

276
00:13:05,248 --> 00:13:07,866
So, you know
somethin' about propane?

277
00:13:07,866 --> 00:13:12,171
I was assistant manage
r at strickland propane
for 15 years.

278
00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:13,589
[smirks]

279
00:13:13,589 --> 00:13:17,210
anyway, here's your tag.
You gotta wear this
at all times.

280
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:18,126
hey!

281
00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:19,128
hey.

282
00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:20,011
This is ron.

283
00:13:20,462 --> 00:13:22,965
Uh, hello, I'm Mr. Hill.

284
00:13:23,466 --> 00:13:25,768
15 years experience in propane.

285
00:13:26,134 --> 00:13:28,136
Wow, that's amazing!
Hey, you know what?

286
00:13:28,136 --> 00:13:29,471
What?

287
00:13:29,471 --> 00:13:30,306
Chicken butt.

288
00:13:30,306 --> 00:13:32,057
You know what that means?

289
00:13:32,057 --> 00:13:33,058
No. What?

290
00:13:33,475 --> 00:13:34,860
Chicken butt.

291
00:13:35,311 --> 00:13:36,229
You gotta stop
saying "what."

292
00:13:36,729 --> 00:13:37,480
why?

293
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,614
Chicken thigh.

294
00:13:38,614 --> 00:13:39,981
[laughing]

295
00:13:39,981 --> 00:13:42,985
ok. Now you gotta
put up some posters
in the parking lot.

296
00:13:42,985 --> 00:13:45,403
Chuck mangione's
giving a concert
there next week.

297
00:13:45,904 --> 00:13:47,657
But what...

298
00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:48,407
Uh...

299
00:13:48,908 --> 00:13:49,908
Never mind.

300
00:13:51,994 --> 00:13:54,797
Dad, I thought you
hated mega lo mart

301
00:13:54,797 --> 00:13:57,500
oh, I do, son.
I do, indeed.

302
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,335
But you're workin' there.

303
00:13:59,335 --> 00:14:00,470
That's right.

304
00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:04,756
Are you still married to mom?

305
00:14:05,057 --> 00:14:06,558
Bobby, of course I am.

306
00:14:06,558 --> 00:14:08,561
Mmm-hmm.
It's true, bobby. He is.

307
00:14:09,061 --> 00:14:12,431
You know, hank,
I think you should
be happy about your new job.

308
00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:14,567
You get to wear
that smart little uniform.

309
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:17,820
And with the trainee badge,
you can make all
kinds of mistakes.

310
00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:20,022
It's like a "get out
of jail free" card.

311
00:14:20,022 --> 00:14:22,524
Well, now I feel great, peggy.
Thanks very much.

312
00:14:23,024 --> 00:14:24,860
Let's all go dancing.
What do you say?

313
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:28,331
Well, forgive me, hank,
but I am doing the best I can.

314
00:14:28,331 --> 00:14:29,865
.
You've never failed before

315
00:14:29,865 --> 00:14:32,784
I don't know how to pity you
without offending you.

316
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:38,341
I guess this means
we're not going dancin'.

317
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:41,092
Hey, luanne, uh...

318
00:14:41,092 --> 00:14:43,461
Listen, I'm sorry
I took that job you wanted

319
00:14:43,962 --> 00:14:44,596
but you have to--

320
00:14:45,096 --> 00:14:46,097
Sorry, I can't talk right now.

321
00:14:46,097 --> 00:14:48,017
I'm in
the middle of a rehearsal.

322
00:14:48,518 --> 00:14:50,552
I'm sir reginald
feather bottom the third,

323
00:14:50,552 --> 00:14:54,472
and my boyfriend
is going to give me
a job at the mega lo mart.

324
00:14:54,472 --> 00:14:58,610
Hee-haw.
No, he's not. I'm goin
' to make him give it to me

325
00:14:58,610 --> 00:15:00,111
and ruin your life forever

326
00:15:00,613 --> 00:15:02,480
hee-haw.

327
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,481
(hank)
luanne...

328
00:15:03,982 --> 00:15:06,701
[braying loudly]

329
00:15:15,244 --> 00:15:16,745
um...

330
00:15:16,745 --> 00:15:19,048
You work with ron and buckley
in the propane department,
right?

331
00:15:19,414 --> 00:15:21,918
Well, I work in
the propane department

332
00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:23,719
while buckley
and ron watch me.

333
00:15:23,719 --> 00:15:25,004
Um...

334
00:15:25,004 --> 00:15:27,889
Could you find out
if ron likes stefani?

335
00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:29,225
!
Cindi, shut up

336
00:15:29,225 --> 00:15:30,643
[giggling]

337
00:15:30,643 --> 00:15:33,144
because she wants
to stand next to him

338
00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:35,398
during the
chuck mangione concert.

339
00:15:35,398 --> 00:15:36,682
(stefani)
shut up!

340
00:15:36,682 --> 00:15:37,850
[giggling]

341
00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:41,770
well, I think
i'll go try and find
the grown-up break room.

342
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:43,688
Ladies!

343
00:15:43,688 --> 00:15:45,408
I think that
old guy likes you.

344
00:15:45,408 --> 00:15:46,741
Shut up!

345
00:15:46,741 --> 00:15:47,743
[giggling]

346
00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:50,863
[air hissing]

347
00:15:53,365 --> 00:15:56,284
hello.
America loves mega lo mart.

348
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,120
[gasps]

349
00:16:00,121 --> 00:16:01,624
don't take it
too hard, hill.

350
00:16:01,624 --> 00:16:04,125
After a while,
you hardly Miss the respect.

351
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,878
Mark mcjimsey.

352
00:16:05,878 --> 00:16:08,965
You mean the mark mcjimsey
that owns "just brake drums"?

353
00:16:08,965 --> 00:16:12,969
Used to own, till mega lo mart
ran all of main street
out of business.

354
00:16:12,969 --> 00:16:15,687
Now, I'm just workin' here
in the automotive department

355
00:16:15,687 --> 00:16:17,639
helpin' feed
the beast that killed me.

356
00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:21,143
yup.The only place you can find
a main street these days

357
00:16:21,143 --> 00:16:24,897
.
is in disneyland,
and just try
to buy a gun there

358
00:16:24,897 --> 00:16:28,400
say, you know a fella
by the name of ray holliday?

359
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,871
Layaway ray? Sure!
Used to go to his
bait shop all the time

360
00:16:32,871 --> 00:16:35,875
so, there I was,
bare-ass naked,

361
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:37,909
sittin' in a box
of night crawlers.

362
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:42,414
Felt kind of funny,
but it kept them
alive through the night.

363
00:16:42,414 --> 00:16:45,918
See, that's the kind
of thing you can do
when you own your own store.

364
00:16:45,918 --> 00:16:48,921
Here, it's just
one humiliation after another.

365
00:16:48,921 --> 00:16:50,423
I've been meaning
to tell you--

366
00:16:50,806 --> 00:16:52,758
(employee)
all right, break it up,
back to work.

367
00:16:52,758 --> 00:16:54,259
And you,
where's your trainee tag?

368
00:16:54,259 --> 00:16:55,427
I won't wear it.

369
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,929
I've had 20 years experience.
I'm not goin' to take this!

370
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,315
And neither are we!

371
00:16:59,315 --> 00:17:01,600
Oh? Well, I guess I'll jus
t have to fire you, then.

372
00:17:06,521 --> 00:17:08,406
[ringing]

373
00:17:08,406 --> 00:17:10,692
buckley, what the hell
are you doin'?

374
00:17:11,192 --> 00:17:14,195
You never ever
want to put
stress on the valve.

375
00:17:14,195 --> 00:17:15,698
You'll cause a gas leak.

376
00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:17,615
Hey, where were you?

377
00:17:17,615 --> 00:17:20,118
You're to set up
chuck mangione's dressing room

378
00:17:20,118 --> 00:17:22,704
with sliced pears
and 2-percent cottage cheese.

379
00:17:22,704 --> 00:17:25,090
Or did you forget that,
too, hank?

380
00:17:25,207 --> 00:17:26,208
Trainees.

381
00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:27,960
Tsk! You know how it is.

382
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,473
(hank)
so, what do you think?

383
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:42,974
(ray)
I don't know, hank,

384
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:45,060
you're talkin' about an act
of open rebellion.

385
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:46,061
Dang right, I am.

386
00:17:46,061 --> 00:17:49,397
They say,
"america loves mega lo mart."

387
00:17:49,815 --> 00:17:52,401
And if we don't speak up,
everyone'll think it's true.

388
00:17:52,902 --> 00:17:54,903
We've got to put
an end to the silence

389
00:17:54,903 --> 00:17:56,788
while the whole world
is watching.

390
00:17:57,239 --> 00:18:00,241
If you want out, get out now.
As for the rest of us,

391
00:18:00,742 --> 00:18:04,329
we will be disrupting
a chuck mangione concert.

392
00:18:05,881 --> 00:18:07,383
With kazoos.

393
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,919
Why kazoos, hank?

394
00:18:10,385 --> 00:18:13,055
Because they're portable,
they're annoying,

395
00:18:13,055 --> 00:18:15,807
and mega lo mart has
them for $3 a case.

396
00:18:15,807 --> 00:18:17,977
We'll be just
like queer nation.

397
00:18:19,761 --> 00:18:20,762
Or the boston tea party.

398
00:18:21,262 --> 00:18:23,265
(all)
yes, the boston tea party.

399
00:18:23,265 --> 00:18:24,599
(hank)
exactly!

400
00:18:25,683 --> 00:18:26,736
?
Uncle hank

401
00:18:26,736 --> 00:18:27,769
yes?

402
00:18:27,935 --> 00:18:29,938
I had a lot of time to think

403
00:18:29,938 --> 00:18:32,941
while I was unflushing
aunt peggy's keys.

404
00:18:32,941 --> 00:18:34,942
And I would like
you to know

405
00:18:34,942 --> 00:18:37,945
that I'm not mad
at you anymore
for taking my job.

406
00:18:37,945 --> 00:18:39,748
I was the better candidate.

407
00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:41,250
Oh, sure, sure.

408
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,750
Um...

409
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:45,253
Can you give me a ride
to the mega lo mart
in the mornin'?

410
00:18:45,253 --> 00:18:47,338
I'm going to break up
with buckley.

411
00:18:47,338 --> 00:18:51,593
As of tomorrow,
your boss is no
longer my boyfriend.

412
00:18:57,548 --> 00:18:59,550
[brakes squealing]

413
00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:01,435
why don't you get
us a spot, peggy?

414
00:19:01,435 --> 00:19:03,771
I've got a little
business to take care of.

415
00:19:04,189 --> 00:19:07,942
I know, hank.
I saw your bag of kazoos,
and I put 2 and 2 together

416
00:19:07,942 --> 00:19:11,113
after 15 years of teaching,
I know a mutiny
when I see one.

417
00:19:11,563 --> 00:19:12,897
Don't try to stop me, peggy.

418
00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:15,733
[yelling]
hank!

419
00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:16,535
Yeah?

420
00:19:16,951 --> 00:19:19,453
Remember, honey,
to hum, not blow!

421
00:19:19,453 --> 00:19:22,290
If you blow,
it tears the wax paper!

422
00:19:22,657 --> 00:19:23,741
I'll tell 'em.

423
00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:41,559
Hank, where's your kazoo?

424
00:19:41,559 --> 00:19:45,396
I got somethin'
bigger in store
for Mr. Charles mangione.

425
00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:55,990
[people chattering]

426
00:20:11,088 --> 00:20:12,958
i'm breakin' up with you!

427
00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:13,842
Do you know why?

428
00:20:14,292 --> 00:20:15,544
Chicken thigh?

429
00:20:15,544 --> 00:20:18,462
Don't make this harder
than it already is.

430
00:20:19,882 --> 00:20:21,383
[gas hissing]

431
00:20:26,721 --> 00:20:27,772
[honking]

432
00:20:29,273 --> 00:20:31,276
[audience cheering]

433
00:20:31,276 --> 00:20:34,479
how are you doing, arlen?
Are you ready to soft rock?

434
00:20:34,479 --> 00:20:36,397
[cheering]

435
00:20:40,152 --> 00:20:41,403
[horn blowing]

436
00:20:41,403 --> 00:20:42,738
[kazoos buzzing]

437
00:20:47,241 --> 00:20:48,743
[crowd exclaiming]

438
00:20:49,161 --> 00:20:50,662
i-is that their new slogan?

439
00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:01,423
huh?

440
00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:02,423
[sniffs]

441
00:21:02,423 --> 00:21:03,674
oh, no!

442
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:04,977
[hissing]

443
00:21:08,846 --> 00:21:09,730
[woman screaming]

444
00:21:12,984 --> 00:21:14,603
[people screaming]

445
00:21:17,489 --> 00:21:18,941
[screaming]
hank!

446
00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:21,442
[screaming]
chuck!

447
00:21:21,442 --> 00:21:24,363
Buckley and luanne
are in there!

448
00:21:24,363 --> 00:21:27,365
Hey, man, is this 9-1-1?
I'm dang ol' here
at mega lo mart, man.

449
00:21:27,365 --> 00:21:28,951
It's gone boom,
there's a fire there.

450
00:21:29,451 --> 00:21:32,671
And dadgum--dadgum blowed
everywhere, man.

451
00:21:32,671 --> 00:21:34,588
I don't know.
Some man run out of there.

452
00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:37,009
I don't know if chuck mangione
gonna be coming here--

453
00:21:37,509 --> 00:21:40,011
(woman officer)
sir, you're going
to have to speak more slowly.

454
00:21:40,011 --> 00:21:41,012
I can't understand you.

455
00:21:41,012 --> 00:21:43,932
Dang ol' mega lo mart...

456
00:21:43,932 --> 00:21:45,933
Talking about dang ol'...

457
00:21:45,933 --> 00:21:47,769
Dang, it's boom!

458
00:21:53,875 --> 00:21:56,361
??[rock 'n' roll
music playing]

459
00:22:24,006 --> 00:22:25,507
(stefani)
shut up!

460
00:22:25,507 --> 00:22:26,508
[giggling]