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- 1/4
- >The fluffy pony infestation in your city is bad.
- >Their crap and dead bodies rot in the alleys.
- >They ruin gardens in city parks.
- >They beg from humans constantly.
- >Traffic accidents have gone up 30%.
- >Last week fluffies ate all the grass on an off-ramp median.
- >Without grass the soil eroded and ran down into the road.
- >A biker got caught out by the mud and crashed...broke his leg.
- >That's just one example.
- >Fluffy ponies are a public menace.
- >The city pays private contractors like you to eliminate fluffies.
- >Your team is the best; you can haul in hundreds every day.
- >It's not hard, you just have to know what works.
- >Catching the first group of the day is hardest.
- >City ferals are scared of catchers, they run and hide when they see you.
- >You don't need a whole herd to start with.
- >One fluffy foal will do.
- >Look, there's a momma fluffy right over there.
- >She's grazing on old vegetable trash outside a Chinese buffet.
- >Two foals nibble on the tender bits.
- >They're just starting to eat solid food.
- >Fluffy family is distracted by "nummies."
- >You and your partner creep up silently.
- >Toss a net over the momma & babies.
- >They shriek & try to run away.
- >The net has them.
- "Whhhaaaahhh! Dun huwt fwuffy! Nu huwt babees! Fwuffy onwy hungwy!"
- >You don't need the mother.
- >Beat her to death with a hammer.
- >The terrified foals aren't smart enough to escape.
- >They squeal and cling to her bloody fluff.
- >Toss her corpse in the trash bag.
- >Collect the foals.
- >You only need one, but a replacement is good to have.
- 2/4
- >There's a park near Little Italy.
- >Grass, water and pasta trash all in one convenient location.
- >It's so infested people now call it "Fluffy Shit Park."
- >This is where you set up your fluffy trap today.
- >Pull one of the foals out of their box.
- >The frightened sibling tries to hang onto his sister.
- >A quick finger flick knocks him away.
- >"Pwease nu owwies! Pwease nu huwt fwuffy!" she squeaks.
- >Tears soak her face fluff...she's terrified.
- >Pull a big offshore fish-hook from your kit.
- >The kind you fish for sharks and billfish with.
- >Pierce fluffy filly through the pelvis.
- >She howls in unbelievable agony, every muscle thrashes.
- >Hang the screaming fluffy foal from a branch.
- >24 inches off the ground.
- >That's about 3 inches higher than any fluffy pony can reach.
- >Fluffy ponies have a natural attraction to babies.
- >They'll let a fellow adult die, but instinct drives them to protect foals.
- >It doesn't take long.
- >In minutes a herd of fluffy ponies waddles out of the bushes.
- >Attracted by the foal's tearful screams.
- "Whewe babee? Why babee cwying?" "Dhewe babee!" "Hewp babee!"
- >The foal thrashes on the end of the line.
- >It sees other fluffy ponies and cries for rescue.
- "Owwwiiie! Fwuffy hav tewwible owwiies! Pwease hewp!"
- >The strays are horrified...a baby in pain & danger.
- >They reach and feebly hop to try to reach the foal.
- >Pegasus fluffies flap their useless wings.
- >None of them can reach the suffering foal.
- "Whhhaaahhh! Hewp fwuffy! Owwiiee! Whaaahhh!"
- >On the ground the feral herd cries.
- "Hewp babee!" "Nu can weach babee!" "Too much high!"
- >They cluster underneath her and try to reach the foal.
- >Now is the right moment.
- >Creep out of your hiding spot; throw the net.
- 3/4
- >Captured fluffies squeal and shriek in confusion.
- >They try to run, but the net allows none to escape.
- >A few especially dumb ones ask you & your crew to help.
- "Mista! Babee fwuffy hav owwies...pwease hewp, gif fwuffies babee!"
- >Stupid creatures don't understand they only have about 30 seconds left to live.
- >Make thy peace with thy maker.
- >Just kidding; humans created fluffy ponies & now we hate you.
- >Smash the trapped fluffies with your hammers.
- >You don't need to kill them all.
- >Broken legs, smashed faces, snapped spines are fine too.
- >Anything to keep them from getting away.
- >Soon none are fighting.
- >The fluffy foal hangs above and looks down in horror.
- >So soon after watching her mother killed the same way this must be pretty traumatic.
- >No big deal, she'll join them by the end of the day.
- >Pull the net off.
- >The survivors writhe around and cry.
- >"Weggies nu wowk!" "Whaaa, fwuffy huwt!" "Nu can move, why nu move?"
- >Collect them, toss 'em in the trash bag.
- >If they're not dead already they will be soon.
- >Hose the blood off the sidewalk.
- >Try for another herd.
- >The bait foal just hangs there whimpering.
- >Shocked by what she has just watched.
- >Gotta get her crying again...crying is important.
- >Grab her, twist the hook around.
- >She screams in agony.
- >Rip one of her delicate ears for good measure.
- >"Boss! Here they come...hide!"
- >Dive back into the bushes just as another fluffy herd comes plodding along.
- 4/4
- >You've caught 4 fluffy pony herds by lunch.
- >The bait foal is pretty useless by now.
- >She's lost a lot of blood...witnessed so much horrifying trauma.
- >She barely cries, that won't attract adult fluffies.
- >Okay. That's why you kept her brother.
- >Rip the hook out, baby fluffy screams one last time.
- >Eeyup, she's dead. Toss her in the trash bag.
- >After lunch, change locations.
- >The main city park is good after lunch.
- >Careless humans leave their lunch scraps out.
- >*sigh* There ought to be a law against littering.
- >It's a buffett for fluffy pony scavengers.
- >Your 2nd fluffy foal has been in his box all morning.
- >Cowering in fear, crying and sitting in his own piss.
- "Fwuffy scawed! Pwease Mista nice? Gif huggies?"
- >Reach in the box.
- >He squeals and tries to run from your hand.
- >It's not very effective.
- >Catch his leg, lift squirming foal up.
- >Pierce him with the hook, straight through his tiny nuts into his pelvis.
- >He shrieks and thrashes like his dead sister did.
- >Hopefully he'll do as good a job as bait.
- >Fluffy pony control is a never ending job.
- >You incinerate 20 garbage bags a day full of these vermin.
- >There's always more.
- >The citizens appreciate your efforts though.
- >Hairy PeTA chicks bring you iced tea and lemonade.
- >"You're doing such a good job wiping out invasives so native species can thrive."
- >One gives you a hand-job in the truck.
- >After you finish you hear crying and babbling.
- "Babee haf owwies!" "Hewp babee!" "Get babee down!"
- >Looks like the bait foal attracted another herd.
- >Say goodbye to hairy PeTA chicks.
- >There's work to be done.
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