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Ginger_Fig

Fluffy Disposal Service

Aug 24th, 2012
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  1. 1/4
  2. >The fluffy pony infestation in your city is bad.
  3. >Their crap and dead bodies rot in the alleys.
  4. >They ruin gardens in city parks.
  5. >They beg from humans constantly.
  6. >Traffic accidents have gone up 30%.
  7. >Last week fluffies ate all the grass on an off-ramp median.
  8. >Without grass the soil eroded and ran down into the road.
  9. >A biker got caught out by the mud and crashed...broke his leg.
  10. >That's just one example.
  11. >Fluffy ponies are a public menace.
  12.  
  13. >The city pays private contractors like you to eliminate fluffies.
  14. >Your team is the best; you can haul in hundreds every day.
  15. >It's not hard, you just have to know what works.
  16. >Catching the first group of the day is hardest.
  17. >City ferals are scared of catchers, they run and hide when they see you.
  18. >You don't need a whole herd to start with.
  19. >One fluffy foal will do.
  20. >Look, there's a momma fluffy right over there.
  21. >She's grazing on old vegetable trash outside a Chinese buffet.
  22. >Two foals nibble on the tender bits.
  23. >They're just starting to eat solid food.
  24. >Fluffy family is distracted by "nummies."
  25. >You and your partner creep up silently.
  26. >Toss a net over the momma & babies.
  27. >They shriek & try to run away.
  28. >The net has them.
  29. "Whhhaaaahhh! Dun huwt fwuffy! Nu huwt babees! Fwuffy onwy hungwy!"
  30. >You don't need the mother.
  31. >Beat her to death with a hammer.
  32. >The terrified foals aren't smart enough to escape.
  33. >They squeal and cling to her bloody fluff.
  34. >Toss her corpse in the trash bag.
  35. >Collect the foals.
  36. >You only need one, but a replacement is good to have.
  37.  
  38. 2/4
  39. >There's a park near Little Italy.
  40. >Grass, water and pasta trash all in one convenient location.
  41. >It's so infested people now call it "Fluffy Shit Park."
  42. >This is where you set up your fluffy trap today.
  43. >Pull one of the foals out of their box.
  44. >The frightened sibling tries to hang onto his sister.
  45. >A quick finger flick knocks him away.
  46. >"Pwease nu owwies! Pwease nu huwt fwuffy!" she squeaks.
  47. >Tears soak her face fluff...she's terrified.
  48. >Pull a big offshore fish-hook from your kit.
  49. >The kind you fish for sharks and billfish with.
  50. >Pierce fluffy filly through the pelvis.
  51. >She howls in unbelievable agony, every muscle thrashes.
  52. >Hang the screaming fluffy foal from a branch.
  53. >24 inches off the ground.
  54. >That's about 3 inches higher than any fluffy pony can reach.
  55.  
  56. >Fluffy ponies have a natural attraction to babies.
  57. >They'll let a fellow adult die, but instinct drives them to protect foals.
  58. >It doesn't take long.
  59. >In minutes a herd of fluffy ponies waddles out of the bushes.
  60. >Attracted by the foal's tearful screams.
  61. "Whewe babee? Why babee cwying?" "Dhewe babee!" "Hewp babee!"
  62. >The foal thrashes on the end of the line.
  63. >It sees other fluffy ponies and cries for rescue.
  64. "Owwwiiie! Fwuffy hav tewwible owwiies! Pwease hewp!"
  65. >The strays are horrified...a baby in pain & danger.
  66. >They reach and feebly hop to try to reach the foal.
  67. >Pegasus fluffies flap their useless wings.
  68. >None of them can reach the suffering foal.
  69. "Whhhaaahhh! Hewp fwuffy! Owwiiee! Whaaahhh!"
  70. >On the ground the feral herd cries.
  71. "Hewp babee!" "Nu can weach babee!" "Too much high!"
  72. >They cluster underneath her and try to reach the foal.
  73. >Now is the right moment.
  74. >Creep out of your hiding spot; throw the net.
  75.  
  76. 3/4
  77. >Captured fluffies squeal and shriek in confusion.
  78. >They try to run, but the net allows none to escape.
  79. >A few especially dumb ones ask you & your crew to help.
  80. "Mista! Babee fwuffy hav owwies...pwease hewp, gif fwuffies babee!"
  81. >Stupid creatures don't understand they only have about 30 seconds left to live.
  82. >Make thy peace with thy maker.
  83. >Just kidding; humans created fluffy ponies & now we hate you.
  84. >Smash the trapped fluffies with your hammers.
  85. >You don't need to kill them all.
  86. >Broken legs, smashed faces, snapped spines are fine too.
  87. >Anything to keep them from getting away.
  88. >Soon none are fighting.
  89. >The fluffy foal hangs above and looks down in horror.
  90. >So soon after watching her mother killed the same way this must be pretty traumatic.
  91. >No big deal, she'll join them by the end of the day.
  92.  
  93. >Pull the net off.
  94. >The survivors writhe around and cry.
  95. >"Weggies nu wowk!" "Whaaa, fwuffy huwt!" "Nu can move, why nu move?"
  96. >Collect them, toss 'em in the trash bag.
  97. >If they're not dead already they will be soon.
  98. >Hose the blood off the sidewalk.
  99. >Try for another herd.
  100. >The bait foal just hangs there whimpering.
  101. >Shocked by what she has just watched.
  102. >Gotta get her crying again...crying is important.
  103. >Grab her, twist the hook around.
  104. >She screams in agony.
  105. >Rip one of her delicate ears for good measure.
  106. >"Boss! Here they come...hide!"
  107. >Dive back into the bushes just as another fluffy herd comes plodding along.
  108.  
  109. 4/4
  110. >You've caught 4 fluffy pony herds by lunch.
  111. >The bait foal is pretty useless by now.
  112. >She's lost a lot of blood...witnessed so much horrifying trauma.
  113. >She barely cries, that won't attract adult fluffies.
  114. >Okay. That's why you kept her brother.
  115. >Rip the hook out, baby fluffy screams one last time.
  116. >Eeyup, she's dead. Toss her in the trash bag.
  117.  
  118. >After lunch, change locations.
  119. >The main city park is good after lunch.
  120. >Careless humans leave their lunch scraps out.
  121. >*sigh* There ought to be a law against littering.
  122. >It's a buffett for fluffy pony scavengers.
  123. >Your 2nd fluffy foal has been in his box all morning.
  124. >Cowering in fear, crying and sitting in his own piss.
  125. "Fwuffy scawed! Pwease Mista nice? Gif huggies?"
  126. >Reach in the box.
  127. >He squeals and tries to run from your hand.
  128. >It's not very effective.
  129. >Catch his leg, lift squirming foal up.
  130. >Pierce him with the hook, straight through his tiny nuts into his pelvis.
  131. >He shrieks and thrashes like his dead sister did.
  132. >Hopefully he'll do as good a job as bait.
  133.  
  134. >Fluffy pony control is a never ending job.
  135. >You incinerate 20 garbage bags a day full of these vermin.
  136. >There's always more.
  137. >The citizens appreciate your efforts though.
  138. >Hairy PeTA chicks bring you iced tea and lemonade.
  139. >"You're doing such a good job wiping out invasives so native species can thrive."
  140. >One gives you a hand-job in the truck.
  141. >After you finish you hear crying and babbling.
  142. "Babee haf owwies!" "Hewp babee!" "Get babee down!"
  143. >Looks like the bait foal attracted another herd.
  144. >Say goodbye to hairy PeTA chicks.
  145. >There's work to be done.
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