lying book

FORWARD:

This part here wasn't in the book at all, just a bit of a warning. I was a weird kid. I obsessed about lots of things. I also did a phase of what I will now call 'method acting' in April, which you will see, which involved me invoking the name of a 'friend' and pretending to be a vampire.

....yeah.

Anyway. At the time I also had a sort of 'secret language' that was really simple to crack, so anything you see in [brackets] was original there.

So have fun seeing how weird I was. The only stipulation for being allowed to read it is, please please please if you have anything to say read the whole thing first and them PM me. Otherwise... enjoy seeing old me as I cringe in the corner ;n;

~Leah

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Thursday January 4th, 2007

I was talking to Jaymes the other day. We were in the car. I don't remember were we were going. It was dark. I think I was on my way back home from Sarah's. I don't remember how we got started on the subject, but he started listing all the things he was. He was complaining that every story I used his character in was doing something different to him. It's like he's getting a little bit of each of the persons that are him. It was quote a monologue, I'll tell you that. I'll see if I can't get it right.

"Okay, I may not be in one of your lines, but all kinds of crap has happened to me."

"Yeah, Like what?" I asked.

"Let's see..." he said sarcastically. "I've got Kadaj's blood in me, I'm part vampire, I'm part spider, I got genetically altered for crying out loud so now I'm pat cat, and weird alien, I'm the Valdran of Ice, then the Valdran of water, And then I've got the ability to turn in to a wolf who controls ice from the Corel one, and then from something else entirely I'm just part wolf, and, last but to me definiatly not least, my origenal powers somehow got laced with your dark. And some of those I got because you attacked me and several times killed me, or at least got close to it... Holy crap."

"What?"

"I really need to stop hanging out with you."

Some kind of rant, huh? He is right though. Some of those come out at the strangest times, too. On our way back to grandma's from Fort Smith he decided to hop lampposts and started jumping around like Parker. It was weird. Funny, but weird. He hated when I went to Victoria's Secret. It was my official first time shopping there. They've got good music. I got a hUGE bag on sale from 50$ to 20$ and a cute pair of underoo's that say 'Star Lightning.' They have stars all over them. Because it was a freakin' huge bag, they gave me a giant bag to but them it. Awesome. And then Aunt Courtnie came out and gave me this really nice lip gloss she got for me there. It's blue. It's called 'Pepperminty." I like it. Ugh. That sounded horribly girly. Sorry. Other than that, today was kind of boring. I did found out that uncle Chris listens to 93.5. That's the X down here in Boonville. I'm glad I found it, or I'd be listening to recordings all weekend. Week. Excuse me. I made list of some of my main story lines. There were 38. Those were just the ones I bothered to write down, too. Uncle James got a PS3. It's very cool. So did Dalton. Uncle James is going to let me borrow his PS2. And Wendy's gonna let me play Sims 2 on her PSP. Also Cool. She played my sims on DS the last couple of days. She says it's way different. I've been hanging out with Jayes more these days. It's been nice. No school to distract us. I've been trying to organize all of my stories and lines, but it's not working. Like I said, there were like 38. Well, I've got to go to bed.

~

Friday January 5th, 2007

Lots of things happened today. Jaymes said he forgot to ad "part were-wolf" to the list the other day. I got a little progress on the line he remembered. Or, at least I was getting some progress until dad came and woke me up. He was working in the shop and almost sawed his thumb off. Scared the living heck outa me when he came in yelling for the phone. Left a really annoying mess for me to clean up on the living room tile. Took like a gallon of rubbing alcohol to fix. Came home all doped up. Now THAT was funny. Could barely talk strait. Can you believe the Spider-man 3 movie is finally coming out?!?! I can't wait! And then that same month, 21 days later, Pirates 3 comes out! Yay! Both awesome. But Spiderman more awesome. For good or for awesome? A little of both. But Spiderman for awesome! Yes. That movie is going to be amazing! I want to go on the first day but I'm not sure if that's possible. Brittany will go with me. Yay. My best friend and girlfriend of my Aspen crush. I don't like emo. I prefer the tree Aslan said was moody. Here, let me go look. It said elm, but I prefer Aspen. I like the way it sounds. I wonder what an Aspen tree looks like. I'll go look. Yay google! I like them. Those are the trees with the white trunks that look like birches but white with black spots. They are very pretty in the fall, with the yellow leaves.

"But you saved them, Raia, isn't that enough?"

"It doesn't feel like enough."

"You can't save the world, Rai."

Sorry. Sudden inspiration. Things like this cause whole entire stories to be created. Let's see. Raia is a girl. She lives in a big city. Like a steam punk New York. But more advanced. Kind of like a techno-gothic Ghost in the shell world. Yeah. Sounds about right. But things are different there. A hundred yrs ago, humans tried to genetically modify themselves. To make themselves better. It was all fine & dandy. Most humans become modified. A small percentage stayed normal because of religious beliefs or they just didn't want to. Um, if two mod people have a baby, there was a 50/50 chance it would have carried on the mod. After a while, people who were mod or had gotten from a parent started breaking. There were spontaneous deaths from the beginning, but were mere coincidences. Or so they thought. That was horribly cliche, i'm sorry. But mods were dying, and at alarmingly fast rates. Suicide rates skyrocketed because mods were saying like 'I want to choose when I die' and other crap. They were getting fired left & right because employers were afraid they'd die on the job and cause big messes. If that was bad, then riddle me this: what happens when already ostracized mods start going crazy? The modification was breaking down, slowly killing and driving mad the people it was in. A little more than half were spared, but no one knew when the madness was going to get them. The mods went into hiding. Normal people were intent on clensing earth of this scourge, and on-the-spot genetic tests became a way of life. By the New Chronos (steam-punk-techno-gothic-ghost-in-the-shell New York) was in ruins. I will finish tomorrow, for now I need sleep.

~

Saturday January 6th, 2007

Last night was horrid; I was puking my guts out all night. It was so nasty. Sorry for the gory details, I'll get on with the line. Ugh, I still feel icky. Anywho. So, the mods were in hiding. There was a group of genetic police called... Anubis. They were in charge of the tests and what happened to the people they found who were mods. See, how getting deliberatly modified was illegal, and anyone Anubis found who would mod people they would arrest them. Let's clarify. Anubis has a couple of main objectives. Find and capture mods "loose" in the public. Undermine and arrest people modifying at underground clinics. Using the science wing to try and find a way to undo the mod.

~

Sunday January 7th, 2007

See, the thing is, the effects of the mod don't show up until a person's late teens. 15 at the earliest, 23 or 24 at the lates. On the streets, Anubis agents carry around genetic testers. They're a little bigger than a blood sugar tester... about the size of a Zune, but about half an inch taken off the top. Rounded edges. A small screen for the results. An automatic disinfecting needle at the bottom. But it's not a regular hollow needle. It's solid at the point, but about half way up the tiny needle is a small hole and from then it's hollow. The other regular needle, like we have for giving shots, wasn't good for on-the-spot testing, because sometimes the disinfectant super ultraviolet ray didn't always get all the stuff and that ment risk of mod dNA infection.

~

Monday January 8th, 2007

In New Chronos, one does not live by they self. Thoust shalt live with more people. Not 1 more. Not 5 more. Safe groups involve up to 25 and no less than 15. It's also not safe to wander about the city by thyself... your self, sorry. Out in the city is 3 or 4. Any body planning to go out usually numbs the underside of their arms & their palms, if they're smart, incase an Anubis agent decides to check genes. Ok. Change of subject. Mildly, anyway.

~

Teusday January 9th, 2007

Each person's gene's act differently when they have a mod gene. So each mod has slightly different qualities. AAGGHHH!! SHUT UP YOU EMO!!!!!!

~

Wednesday January 10th, 2007

Sorry about that. I had a moment. Jason's cool. I gotta get his number. I was thinking about how i flirt. I almost always end up rambling. It's kinda embarrassing. But that's besides the point. I had a weird dream last night. And I dream in color.

~

Thursday January 11th, 2007

I'm kind of worried about never mind. I've been kind of down the last couple of days. I've had this part of my 6E line stuck in my head. Two parts. One before he goes with the coat and one after. One really bad. The time at the first big fight. She dies. It's really bad. He freaks out. He finishes the fight. He didn't care about his life anymore. The most dangerous person is one who has nothing to lose. And he almost killed the other person. It was so close. It was a while after that when his outfit changed. Then it's a looong time before the second one. He gives up. He just... gives up.

~

Friday January 12th, 2007

Both have been stuck in my head. Last night was weird, though. For a second I felt Nauseas, so I sat up. Then my hands started shaking. I got up 'cause I thought I was going to be sick, but I just started shaking all over. In the end I had to sleep with the bathroom trashcan next to me. Not uncomfortable, but not to comfy, either. They're making a movie out of Blood and Chocolate. I know they're gonna screw it up, but I wanna see it anyway.

~

Teusday January 30th, 2007

Sorry it's been so long. I have a lot to tell. First - I have a new friend, his name is Brad, he's tall, he has red hair and is a junior. He's hot. And he talked to me first. Awesome, huh? And he's totally awesome nice, too. Second - Rhonda is crazy. That is news in it'sself. Third - I have Another, yes, ANOTHER story Idea. Comic I mean. An "emo" spiderman. It rocks. I'm amazed something like that came out of my head. It's actually halfway sane. I'm just speachless. Constantine, on the other hand, willn't shut-up. I gotta give him credit, though. The guy has COMEBACKS. Oh, Yeah. Peter Parker is now Constantine Parker. Mary-Jane Watson is now January Matthews. Harry is still Harry. And Flash is now... Flash, but painted in Emo and football. kinda like Johnathan, but way meaner. & his last name is Thomas.

~

Tuesday April 3rd, 2007

Hey. Been even longer this time. I haven't gotton sick again. I got put on Xantac. Nasty stuff. Really gross. It is really nasty and I hate it. Sorry. I just felt I had to reiterate. Esdraeleon. No Spira. Blech. No Corel. Meh. Esdraeleon. Es. Dray. Lee. On. Simple enough. I'm gonna stay up tomorrow so I look tired tomorrow. Apologize to Rhonda. Keep wearing my sunglasses. Ok Nevermind. Start with tonight.

That actually looks like a good plan. Yay me. And I made it in... 10 minutes? And it will be carried out over the next 20 or so hours. Wow. Feels so permanent. I just hope I can pull it off.

 16675113
- 6491775
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10983228

That right there is a lot of people. Nights & meetings like this make me feel really good. I lOVE Hearing about stuff like this. My name in Leet.

Bond. James Bond.

Nut. Doonut.

Yes. They do.

~

Wednesday April 4th, 2007

I'm tired. I don't know what Rhonda thinks. Plan works. Somehow she talks to Gurky. I don't know what she said, but the vampire theory is apparantly accepted by 'everyone.' According to Adam, anyway. Lots of A's right there. Rhonda puts too much emphasis on meaningless dreams. My dreams are different. I got hurt in those dreams, and hurt other people. It was just too real. And then there is a kid, HERE, where I GO, named Brian White. I don't know what he looks like. The name, though... When Rhonda told me about him... I kinda freaked out a little. Don't not eat or you'll freeze to death when you sleep. Whatever. Mouth breathing makes you colder. Don't drink mercury, you'll go crazy. People are stupid. I really don't like them. I really Don't like Ms. Doege. She is really annoying. I do like this pen, though. What would happen and I really thought I was a vampire? I mean like go seriously CRAZY and insane, like need a straight jacket & have to get tranquilizer shots regularly. what would happen to me? What would happen to me to make me like that in the first place? I'm guess that my mind would just... break.. Be in the corner lights off sleeping for refuge. I mean, but if I really were a vampire & people thought I were crazy if I told. They'd never catch me if they came after me. But what if I sorta knew I was going crazy? Like I knew something was wrong? Why am I thinking of this? I obsess about stuff like this. What if this life is just not real? I mean, I hear stuff and see stuff, but only get the information here, in my made up world. I like this pen. I tried to stay up last night, but was asleep by 11:30. It was sad, I planned to stay up until 2 at least. I like my hand writing with this pen. I wonder what a handwriting analyzer would say about me. I wanna go to sleep. I need to drink some Dr Pepper so I can stay up to night. I can't wait to graduate. Yay, I'm just a stupid s'more. I need to go back to sleep. I think I'm going to go crazy and die. I really think I am. No. I mean yeah, I'll go crazy & die, but I'm not sure when. Probably in college or when I'm in the hospital working. Working in the ER. Someone will come in with their throat torn out and bloody. I'll see it and just go crazy. Start freaking out. Dude, I'll probably see that the night I start. But I won't go crazy right then. It will last a long time. It'll be a while before even start realizing something's wrong. Then it will be fast. My mind will deteriorate. Paranoia will set in. I'll start seeing & hearing things that aren't there. I'll stop talking to anyone except for a few people. And then I'll have a breakdown. A total freakout. Then they'll take me to my own ER. Fix me. Send me to the Psych ward. Wow. Look at that. My fate in less than a page. Pretty cool, eh? Yes, I am Canadian. And according to Adam, Vampire Lady. Hey it's not the worst I've been called. I kinda like it.

~

Thursday April 5th, 2007

I miss my snark. I seem to have lost it sometime last week. The 'here-but-not-here' illusion. I like it. I use it on the bus, apparantly. I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like I could nevermind. I'm not gonna write it. Would I really rather be a vampire than a hunter? Destroy those who aren't alive, but aren't really dead, either? Who sometimes need to kill to stay in their limbo? But what if that meant certain death? Or being caught & turned into what I hated most? I... if it meant leaving my family and friends and people I love. Either way means death and loss and too much pain to take account for. But the idea of the power that comes along with those things, hunter or vampire... is that what really draws me? Is that what I want? What would I be like? Would I go dark silently, like Jaymes did? Would I go dark like Brian just use my hate and anger to hurt others? Or would I accept it and try to use my powers to the fullest. You know, just know I realized the difference between Between Brian & Jaymes. I mean, there only is one difference. Brian... he took his emotion and chanled it outward into hurting other people, in to getting rid of it anyway he wanted to. Like, he wants to get rid of anger or he's angry, he just talkes to the boss and the send him on a mission. I almost feel they foster that behavior. If he's mad at someone, he tells them. Or beats them up or whatever. But Jaymes... He is completly different. In that way that he uses his anger. He is essentially angry at life, death, and the world. Life for forsaking him, death for chewing him up & then spitting him out, the world for turning him into what he is & for not giving him the power to stop what happened to Rachel. He hates himself for it. But all the anger and rage, it gets focused inwards. Like how he felt when he couldn't save someone in the ER. Except this time he couldn't save the one he loved most. The only way it ever gets out is if he gets in a fight He unloads all that anger, rage, hate and sadness into his powers and explodes, basically, in how much power he has. Then he uses that power to just destroy those who stand in his way. and then he's empty. Totally empty, for days afterward, he's silent, moody. He mini explodes at anybody who screws around around him, who pisses him off. I mean look at. They're not all that different. But who would I be? How would I react? Why the do I even think about these things? It's just lodged in my brain like a stake through the heart. Lovely simile, don't you think? Last night I got a grand total of about 3 hours of sleep. I don't even remember much. Adam... is smarter than he looks. I don't even know my self well enough to answer my own questions. I'm just afraid that if I ever get anything close to that kind of power I'll just lash out and hurt people. Ugh. I brushed my teeth for like 10 minutes strate straight strait and I still taste like sour rust. The Dr Pepper just makes it worse. But I have to drink it. Something. Anything. I'm just really thirsty, and am just... really thirsty. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid StOOOOOpiiid! Stopid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid That is me I'm so stupid. I drank two liters of water two days in a row and I still feel like this. It's just psycosomatic. All in my head. Nothings wrong with me. I don't need anything. Am I lying? Can anyone tell if even I can't? One day I almost expect to wake up and find out this was some up dream or some kind of hallucination because I was in a coma. Maybe. I don't know. I really wrote that. All of it. Holy crap. Sometimes I wish I was terminally ill. Or were some kind of genius. At least I'd get some kind of attention. I want to find my nook. Or whatever. Maybe then I could settle down, go to a shrink and find out exactly what mental illness I have. That would make me feel better.

~

Friday April 6th, 2007

I didn't sleep last night. I don't feel good. Last night. I needed something. I don't know what, stupid, why did you ask? I think I slept some. or maybe it was just parts I don't remember. My mouth tasted like rust again. still does. I brushed I don't know how long but I still taste rust. I take it back. There were parts I thought I was asleep but I was thinking. You don't sleep & think about stuff at the same time. It kinda scares me. It's like I want to sleep but can't. It's not fair. My head hurts. I want Dr Pepper. But yesterday that made the rust worse. I need to drink. Something. Anything. My mouth hurts. My eyes hurt again. My neck... there's no marks but it still hurts. I'm cold. I want to go to sleep but I can't. Incorrect gramar man. I need to go home. Everything smells. smells different. There's this girl... when she comes to the bus stop I can smell her before I see her. I walked past the EAST lab at school this morning and found it. I followed it to the art room. She was talking to Ms. Grahm. My head hurts. My mouth aches thinking abut it. just like it's sore or something. just take my eyes out! Ugh. I feel a little better now. I bummed 1.25$ from somebody & got a DP. I tried to nibble on a chocolate muffin but It was entirely disgusting. I love chocolate. The rust taste came back with an almost salt-like aftertaste. It's not that bad. The intensity has gone down, yeah, but I don't mind it as much. There still is something I NEED, like my whole being aches for it, it seems, but I don't know what. Not that, stupid. I plan on staying a virgin, thank you. Perv. It's just... I don't know. Everything smells. This ink is very acid smelling. Very sharp & sour. I like it. Like the smell of old books, but a little toned down. But enough about that. I was trying to think of last night. Key word being trying. I don't... there are parts I remember, like sitting In bed & listening to +44, that I DO remember, but after about 11 I I just am blank. I remember thinking. I know that. But I do not remember What I was thinking about or what I was doing or anything. It's not fun remembering. I'll have to be nicer to Jaymes, Constantine & Xelah. I didn't know what the big deal was. But now I do. Sorry. Stress stress stress I need a shower. I want the rust and salt GONE!! I change my mind. It... bothers me. I'll figure out why later. I don't like people anymore. Er, well... I used to like crowds. LOVE crowds, being in crowds, moving around in crowds. I mean, I still like it but... I was in the little room where you get your trays for lunch. I just got there, and there were a lot of people all a round me. Normally that's just like no problem, I've done that everyday, pretty much since the beginning of school. But today... (Since Monday, now that [I think about it]) I just felt so angry at everyone. Not like I was mad at something before and was so mad at everything for a little bit. I just felt angry at the people. Not individuals. Just the group. I was fine once we all got in the main part, but... I dunno. I wanted to... I don't want to say it, but... I wanted to, it's just, I wanted to hurt them. It was really scary. Like it didn't hit me of how angry and how much I wanted to see them in pain. I don't know. It freaks me out to think about. That taste bugged me all the way here. TO MO I mean. The Peraltas.

~

Saturday April 7th, 2007

NO. MORE. HORROR. MOVIES. FOR. ME. EVER!!!!!

~

Sunday April 8th, 2007

I haven't slept much. I think I'm ok, though. I haven't been feeling so hot.

~

Monday April 9th, 2007

Ok. Here's the deal. The taste is not gone. It hasn't Left since Thursday. That means, apparantly, that it might just be here for good. Which sucks, by the way. But it still bugs me. I don't think I want to see disturbia. I changed my mind. I want to see TMNT again. Casey's first name is Arnold. Dork. No wonder he changed it to Casey. I came up with a totally awesome-slash-lame idea for a painting. I'd call it... I dunno. Probably something like brothers or something like that. It would be a sai, a kaytana, a nun-chuck, and a bo staff, all pointed business end towards the middle of the painting, like tilted, so they look like they point up. Maybe modern muskateers. Naw, that's stupid. I dunno. Something. Sumpthin. Probably that. That. Sumpthin. Wonderful names for paintings. I dunno. Ooo, that's a good one, too. I don't feel so hot. I wish I could sleep. I just can't right now. So I listen to music. & play my DS. I just can't sleep. I make up for it during school -winkwink- Just kidding. Sorta. Oh, there's another. Sumpthin. That. I dunno. Sorta. What a loverly series. Cool. New linkin Park sux. It's not very good compared to their other stuff. Brass monkey. That funky monkey. I love beastie boys. They rock. But they are like realy old now.

~

Sunday April 15th, 2007

Not much to complain about. Just rust, sore eyes, not sleeping & lady problems. What? Seemed the most eloquent way to put it. What was I thinking? I don't feel good. And not just 'cause of my lady problems. I feel depressed. Not sad, but depressed. Not to cry, but to sleep. Black sleep. I feel open. Like everyone can see in to how I feel. Does that make me a liar if they have no Idea? My neck hurts. Adam's an idiot, but he knows more than he thinks he does. My head hurts. It feels good. I feel like I need pain. Something just doesn't feel right. I like the old color red better. The one I'm using now is too orange. The other was more bloody. But I lost that pen. My mouth hurts. Maybe I do have a lot to complain about today. Ok. Think less depressing things. I made three sketches of paintings. The first one is escape. The second is distraction. The third is desperation. I'll get Ms. Grahm to give me some canvas. Let me mix my own paints. That's the only way to do it. I drew them Friday & yesterday. I see quite a motife. There's an eye shape in each of them. Black sleep. Do I want it or does it want me? What happens if I go to sleep and can't wake up? Or don't want to wake up. This red hurts my eyes. I have this feeling right now, this masochism, that I know I could stand any pain & keep a straight face. I might even smile. My head is throbbing. It's a light throb, not bad. I'm cold. It feels like I'm always cold, now. Stand any pain? Even the end pain? when canines sharp like splinters dig in to you. Everyone will see that poem next month. What will Ashley Evans think? Will I make my dark counterpart proud or will she just be jelous it's not her name in the paper? One or the other. I think she's a fraud. She draws on imagined angst and so-called inspiration. I steal my words from my own expiriance, my own stories, my own pain. She has no idea. She may think she does, but she doesn't have a clue. No one does. They think they do. Oh, they may be absolutly certain. But they're wrong. As wrong as wrong can be, of course. or does that make it right? I wanna go home. Try & sleep even though I can't.

~

Monday April 16th, 2007

too early. head hurts. I'm worried. I got a letter from Jaymes in New York. I think something bad happened. I'm scared. I tried to call him last night like a gazillion times. From 6 to 10, about once every five minutes. He AlWAYS calls back, no matter how late it is. Freaks me out, but he always calls back. Ok. just write down what I think happened. It'll make me feel better. Last time I talked to him, he was getting in to a bad group. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't stop it. They... I was so scared they would hurt him. He tried to get out, and last time he called, he said they left him alone, but that letter... And a REAL letter, not an e-mail or whatever. Handwritten on paper. Well, duh. I'm scared for his life now. Last time was bad, but now I'm just... I stayed up and cried until about 2 last night. Apparantly I lie very well. No one asked if I was ok. I want to tell, I want someone to know. But I want them to ask, I don't want to start. In the letter he said even he was scared. Last time he was all macho. You know, like a guy is. But he was scared. But he was scared. That's bad. He... he doesn't know what to do. They've got him again. I think they're going to I'm not going to write it. It causes me actual PAIN I'm so worried. Oh, god, just please let him be ok. I'm a fabulous liar. I don't want anyone to worry about me, and apparantly it's working because no one's asked.

~

Friday April 20th, 2007

I realized something yesterday. He has my heart. MY heart. My cold, black heart, but still my heart. I want it back. I'm worried about him, and therefore worried about my heart. But he won't give it back. Even with the situation HE'S in, he's worried about me. He won't give it back because he's afraid I'll hurt it or do something bad, like feed it to the neighbor dogs or something. Guess that means my heart is officially stolen. I want it back. I want it BACK. I'm scared, and it makes me angry and I don't know, But I WANT IT BACK!!! It hurts. Being so angry. It hurts like there is Nothing there. My heart's been gone too long. I need it back. Everything's not right. All of it's wrong. I'm lying. To myself. To other people. If I'm lying so even I can't tell, so that it's become a truth to me, is it still a lie?

~

Sunday April 22nd, 2007

[I don't know why I'm still lying about this whole 'vampire' thing. I mean, I'm not lying, exactly, but... Oh nevermin]D. [Ok. I just... I can't tell whether or not I'm telling. I honestly cannot.] I want it back. It hurts. I'm not gonna write it. But... they want him and they want my heart. I'll know they got him if they tell me they've gotten my heart. See, if i didn't have a heart to start with, none of this would have happened. Rhonda, I'll put his e-mail in here if you ever read this so you can talk to him yourself. I forgot what it is, we just reply. He used to call & help me w/ith my old stories, so I'm pretty sure he changed it to like ice_valdran_Hallson. Yes, he let me use his whole name for my stories. I usually neglect to tell anyone that he thinks that's a little embarrassing. I dunno why. I don't know why she swallowed a fly, I guess she'll die. Lovely morbid Children's song, don't you think? How is it that you can be angry & worried about someone at the same time? It's just... I don't know.

~

Tuesday April 24th, 2007

My tummy feels funny. Cheese me no likey. 10:30 is my limit tonight, but I wanna stay up & watch Shin Chan. That's on at 11:30. My writings are going to get famous. They're moderatly well known at my school anyway. And no, I've not forgotton him and my heart, but I'm trying to distract myself so I don't go all depresso. I can't believe Peralta is a Scremo fan. I find that HI-larious. Shin-Chan is weird. Paper-fan sword. Amazing awesome. That one whas wheird. One thing. A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes & trains & cars & I'd walk to you if I had no other way. And all our friends may laugh at us but we'll just laugh along because we know they've never ever felt this way. Jaymes Owen I do promise you that by the time that we get throug the world will never ever be the same and you're to blame. Dig by Incubus is weird. Weird song, weird video. It's like Tiffany's favorite song other than Delilah. I like Delilah. Wendy doesn't realize I lie down when I listen to good songs. And Tiffany sings them. I hate it. No one ever writes songs (good songs, not cheating songs) from a girl to a guy. I guess I will then. What name would I use? I shall use Constantine. But I won't write it here. It'll take actual planning. I read the introduction of my story today and everybody thought it was amazing. I'll see if I can read more tomorrow. Hopefully that made up for not being able to turn it in on time.

"Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice."

"Sheeeeeeeilaaaaa!!!"

I love caboose. Caboose is amazing. (By the way, yes, still distracting myself. wow. That can sound bad.) Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever. One last chance before I go, One last kiss- it is time to let me go.

"I'm going to light the building on fire..." That guy is great. I love kingdom melody #45. I just like it. My writing is different when no tengo triste. Es bueno para mi. Yo no sè por que. Look! I wroted in Spananish! Boo creepy foot doctor. Hurray beer! Zimmy_te_white is totally awesome. I've killed him twice already. Sheild drilling missle & poison salt in the ketchup. And then he's cut me in half & Ross has shot me in the head. I'm saving a flaming crossbow bold for him. Ross, not zimmy. Oh, three times, cross bow to the head para Zimmy. One other Amazing Person is Daniel Sullivan. He is awesome. He's getting my work out there. My publicity agent. Yay Mr Sullivan! I like the Cuircut overseer, Bro. Gorum.

~

Monday October 22nd, 2007

Been a while since I've written in my lying book. I'm going to hit Daniel Sullivan with this book when I find him. Grr. Hee hee. That was fun. I get goosebumps whenever I read some of my earlier entries. I know why I wrote them and crap, but Holy effing crap! That was deffinatly during my depressed time. I think that covered most of the second half of my sophomore year. Damn. I mean, what else is there to say? Color time! I haven't written in a journal type thingy in like ever. It's kind of weird. I dunno. I keep getting glimpses of something and nevermind I just realized what it was. I got invited to go see 30 days of night today. IOMFG I want to see that movie. According to Cory, it is totally bad ass, and I believe him all the way. Very cool. See, vampire and werewolf movies are the only ones that don't scare the effing crap out outta me. I mean, if I ever got caught by either, I'd totally be very ok with it. hm. Actually it would be amazingly cool because then It would prove my theory that they even do exist. The yellow confuses my rain. Makes me feel like the rest of the page is gone. Or not. Just crazy. Somebody just flipping through a book in the yellow wouldn't be able to catch anything.

~

Teusday October 23rd, 2007

Today feels like I'm waiting for something to happen. Maybe good, but it has more of a negative foreboding. I dunno. It's weird. I need to look up the word pernitious. or pernition. Spelled it wrong. Pernicion, pernicious. (Lord Randy Voldemort Van Hutenburg).

~

Wednesday November 14th, 2007

I came up with a new line that I really like. Here's the setting: it's in sort of midievilish times, maybe 1400's to early 1500's. No renassance. Kind of like England but close. Not an island. There's more. There are vampires. Like the vampires in my other stories, but silver and sunlight are the main allergies. But wait, there's more! There are ten families spread through Andora. They all have tree surnames. The names are Birch, Willow, Oak, Elm, Aspen, Yew, Pine, Redwood, Ceder and finally Rowan. All of them have an animal as a symbol.

Birch - falcon			Willow - serpent
Oak - bear			Elm - stag
Aspen - Aurochs			Yew - spider
Pine - Dragon			Redwood - montain lion
Ceder - fox			Rowan - Direwolf

The two strongest families are Rowan and Pine with Birch, Oak, and Elm close behind. Yew is generally considered to be the weakest, but still important. Redwood is up there too, but they tend to keep to themselves. No matter. I plan not to go too Much into House politics until later. Anywho. The point. They story starts out following Jaymes Rowan and Rose Anthem, who are following the trail of a vampire who was causing more trouble than usual. They were outside the west border of the Outland moors, which was the territory of the Aspens. They were in sort of a no-man's land. There was a small house (a cottage, Shut up.), and they were about to investigate when they were attacked by the vampire they were hunting. Rose started firing arrows with silver heads, but Jaymes and the Vampire were moving too fast. (Jaymes was fighting with two silver-edged swords.) Jaymes was doing ok until something pushed him off balance, and the vampire bit him (bit to turn, by the way). Jaymes was able to stab the vampire in the neck with one of the silver knives, paralyzing him. But it was too late! (Sorry.) It really was too late. Rose took the dying Jaymes into the house and watched over his body, even though the law was to burn the body of anyone bitten by a vampire. She was dozing when Jaymes woke up. She almost thought she was dreaming until she saw the fear in his eyes on discovering what he had become. Dang it, this is a SUMMARY not the writing. Anyway, he woke up, freaked out, and ran out of the place, afraid of hurting Rose. She makes her way back to Loros, the city protected by the Rowans. And ruled. She tells her story and they pronounce Jaymes Rowan dead, lost. Then it skips to Jaymes, who's passed out in the woods (by the way after Rose leaves for Loros, the vampire is gone, who either somehow removed the silver or got other vampires to drag him off and take it out.). Then a group of vampires find him, and the last scene is of him kind of waking up and seeing four or five other vampires around him and trying to get away before passing out again. Then, there is a big, empty page with the words 3 YEARS LATER across the middle and the next chapter or whatever starting on the next page. Except the 3 would be three. Three. Yeah, whatever. Any. Way. It starts with Rose coming back to Loros from Sailan, (pronounced sĭ (like I with an s before it) lawn (but with less drawl)) the Pine's city. She was all by her lonesome with her horse. Then she looks be hind her to see someone in a black cloak. She looks ahead again, but looks back a minute later. Still there. She can't help it. A few minutes later she looks again and to her immense relief the figure is gone. And then she looks ahead and he's right infront of her. The horse rears and she falls off and starts to run but she gets caught. She starts to get dragged off and she's all you don't know who you're messing with, the Rowans are going to hunt you down. She gets thrown to the ground and she looks to see who it is and it's Jaymes (gasp)(So pridictable, I know), looking appalled. He apologized and Rose can tell that basically he's the same person. She tells him to come back to Loros. He doesn't think that's a good idea, but he ends up going with her anyway. It's a short journey, when they meet it's not long before noon and they make it to the city by sundown. On the way there he asks her to pin the Rowan Direwolf medallion to his cloak (wich, by the way, is not like a folded up sheet. It's like a trench coat, sort of, with a hood.) because the silver would burn his hands. Anyway, they get to the gates of Loros right before they shut. There's a lot of people there, and Jaymes started looking uncomfortable. Rose asks why, and he says he's hungry. Then she gets it. She's all "Ohh..." He leaves, and when he comes back Rose is all worried, but he calms her down and says not to worry about it. (Turns out he just sweet-talked some serving girl out of a tavern and Knocked her out with his vampiric telepathy and bit her on the wrist. He woke her up and said a stray dog bit her, & she was just too freaked out to remember.) They get to the Rowan castle, which actually has two rowan trees flanking the entrance. Jaymes has his hood up, but the wolf is visible. Rose says to let her in (She lives there), and they ask whose with her. It's all dramatic when Jaymes pulls his hood down and says who he is. Then all hell breaks loose as Rose is taken into the keep and Jaymes is threatened at silver sword- and arrowpoint. He calls on some long lost right to have a trial and promises not to do anything. They bring him in, with reactions from fear to disgust to curiosty to pride. They council is called in the Great Hall, and everything is started. Rose gives her account, and then Jaymes takes the stand. He tells what happened in the last three years (very short & condensed version: he got turned, for two years he stayed with a coven of vampires, learning how to use his powers and how to be around humans without going on a killing spree. After that he just kind of left. He still had one silver edged sword, and, believe it or not, they weren't that hard to find, so he had those and the powers that came with being a vampire. (including aura weapons) So he hunted other vampires. When he goes back to Loros, he still hasn't met up with the one that bit him.). THen he has this pretty amazing rant that goes something like this: I don't know if you believed me, but everything I said was true (They have english accentcs.) I didn't choose to be like this. I feed, but I don't kill. I bite, but I have NEVER made anyone like me. I've only used these powers to hunt other vampires. I may be a vampire but I am STILL a Rowan! Something like that or whatever. Anyway the kingly sort of person (I don't really want to say king, but governor doesn't really sound right either) called the court together, saying Rose had to be escorted to her quarters and have a guard outside her door, and for Jaymes to be put in one of the holding cells until a decision is reached. It's not a dungeon. It's pretty high up (NOT atower) and the locks, bolts and bars over the window are either silver or coated in silver. So they take him up there (it's close to 10 ish, there were lots of questions for both) and post guards like outside and on the stairs or whatever. So the court deliberates. By the way, the ruler guy is Ian Rowan. Who is Jaymes Rowan's father. Whatever. After about four hours of deliberation they come to a desicion. They send up a lackey to say they've reached a decision and that it will be annouced to Jaymes tomorrow and then to the public. Jayme has the rest of the night to think and worry. He's a vampire, he doesn't sleep. So, several stressful hours later, Jaymes is taken back to the Great Hall and the verdict is announced For reasons I'll explain later, It was proven that he was telling the truth. there will be a trial period before he can go into the city. He will be assigned not exactly a body guard but someone to stay with him, not necesarrily permanently, but until said otherwise. Then there's the last pronouncement, and it is that it doesn't how or from whom he gets blood from, as long as two conditions are met: 1) He is not to kill or turn anyone, and 2) he can't take blood within the city walls. Then Ian shoos everyone out save Rose, Jaymes, a couple of guards and one other person of no particular value I just wanted to be there. Jaymes looks extrembly relieved and is introduced to his not-guard. The not-guard's name is 'Zachary; just call me Zach.' Turns out Zach, who was a junior guard, is a truth-seer (see-er, not 'seer'). He can tell when someone's telling the truth, lieing, not telling the whole truth. Like holding something back. Very nice. A little timid. His family has enough ties to the Rowans to get him in training to be a guard and his sister a lady-in-waiting, whatever that is. But whatever. He is to stick with Jaymes until ordered otherwise. He's 19. doesn't matter. So as they're walking to this balcony where all the big announcements are made, Ian tells Jaymes something he wants him to do. Because of not a shortage of people who fight the vampires, but a lack of quality, he wants Jaymes to train a small, select group of individuals to fight. He will meet them in a couple of days. So out they go to tell the general public that Jaymes Rowan is, for the most part, alive, well, and there to say. So Ian goes up and makes the announcement that he's back, and Jaymes steps up to where everyone can see him. It's all silent and then people cheer and it's all woo! (two things to say: 1- in the first part; I mean to tell about Zanchordan, his sword. At the first part, when the vampire attacked him, it was such close combat only the short swords, which are more like long knives, where useful. There are ten swords like that, for all the families. It's actual name is Bizinghast, but I think I actually accidentally stole it. 2- Jaymes was meant to inherite the rulership of Ian, so when he was killed it was a big blow to the people and the Rowan family because his older sister, Jessica, was going to become the queenly sort of person, but she was killed by the vampires. Don't worry, she won't come back to haunt anybody, she was put to rest.) Yeah, so people are actually pretty glad he's back. Well, happy, anyway. (Sorry, I forgot something on Byzinghast. Rose took it back to Loros. She took it from Dead Jaymes so that's why he didn't have it when he ran off.) So. Yeah. Blah blah blah, filler. It's time to meet the group Ian wants Jaymes to train. (I have to interupt again! I wanted to tell about Jaymes family. Jessica died when Jaymes was 12. Right now he's 24 (he was turned when he was 21). His younger twin brothers (his brothers are twins. He is not twin to them.) are Jerod and Jeremy. They are 16. His youngest brother is Joeseph. Yes, there is a point about the 'J's.) So he's going to part of the keep he hasn't gone in YEARS. He can't remember what the place was though. Then the door opens and...

ha! I tricked you. ^.^

Well the door opens

and there's 7

people in the

group Jaymes is to train. Except none of them is older than 8 years old. (I remembered there were 7, but I couldn't remember how many there were of each age. took me ten minutes and a peice of scrath paper to figure it out. There's 3 eight year olds, 1 seven year old, 2 6 year old and a 5 year old.) He discreetly pulls Ian out of the room before anyone notices they were there and asks what the heck is going on. Well, for reasons I shall not disclose (because I don't know them) Ian (Omy god. I know why now. Crap. nevermind. won't work. Ok, I still don't know.) explains that they are the sons and daughters, not necessarily of nobility, but of warriors/guards(wo)men who were killed by vampires.

~

Thursday November 15th, 2007

That's kind of as far as I've gotten so far, when it comes to concrete storylines. I have some ideas for what happens later. Oh yeah. Later (much much later) the story has to do with Byzinghast and how it has a set of sister swords. There's Rasenguard and the pair Chailan and Chailo. (the 'ch' is a 'k' sound.). Please note that everything I write today is on 4- hours of sleep, no breakfast, and a dr pepper during 1st hour. Woo. Very unenthusiastic 'woo'. Oh, I lied. I had a stick of string cheese. Since I don't know what happens next I'll talk about something else. Those four swords. Notice that they are special. Duh. Well, Not just because they are family heirlooms. They're made of this steele/silver hybrid. They never need sharpened, and cut through almost anything. Um, something else. I talked about silver edged swords earlier. It's not like a regular sword with silver foil on the side. It's a regular sword or knife, but it's fitted with a blade of silver that goes around the outside. There's a hook on the outside. No, not hook. Um. I'll draw it!

Tada! I came up with that all by my self, too. Oh, about why silver is so easily obtainable. In this story it's not just these places that have trouble with vampires, it's everywhere. For such purposes as to give the humans a fighting chance, I made silver a pretty common element. Hm. I need to draw a map. I think that's what I'll do now. Hm again. Maybe I as wrong. Whatever. Ok, so, yeah. I've decided to mess with the climate, too. The top & bottom quarters of the world are like Alaska. The next third on both sides are Canadaish. Then from there it goes from that to about the climate of Arkansas at the equator. And about the map... I think I've got what I want it to look like. A basic kind of like now, but mutated. I play with it later.

~

Friday November 16th, 2007

I came up with this really weird ieda last night. It kind of makes sense. It has to do with why Jaymes was able to get a trial. It's a little bit role-reversaly. I don't know if it'll work. just an idea. Um. It's like way back in the day, (like 100's & 100's of years back) When the 10 families just started, that maybe vampirism was a family trait. Like you're a normal person until you got to teenagerdom (I could be SUper fairy queen of ALL teenagerdome!!), and then slowly aquire vampire qualities. You have faster healing, increased speed. You still get old & die, though, but only die of old age. Very hard to kill. Only need blood after they've gotten really REALLY hurt (like something that would kill a normal person.) Better hearing, smell, & eyesight too. Need less sleep, I suppose. The whole 'mind powers' thing comes later, probably last, and around early/early middle 20's. Oh, and an extremely MILD allergy to silver. The familie's crest or whatever turned into the silver medallions/pins of the animals. I don't like yellow. That's better. Maybe now my eyes will feel like they aren't going to EXPLODE anymore. Yay. Anyway. So, I'm thinking something happened so that one of the families had somebody who was a sadistic little weirdo and liked blood (A girl, I think. Guys always get Blamed for stuff like that) went out and decided just to go out and bite somebody. (They had fangs, but they were baby fangs.)(It was a lover. She was married. Cheating vampire whore.) So the family trait, formerly harmless, got passed to somebody who probably shouldn't have gotten it, EVER. Um. Then what. Oh! She killed him! This had never happened before, so she thought he was just dead. So he was all ready to be cremated (as it was winter and the ground was cold)(frozen) when he woke up on the pyre right before it was lit. Freaked EVERYBODY out (as this has never happened before), and gave away something was up. Duh. So he freaks out like all noob vampires do, hauls somebody off, and kills them. So the first vampire was let loose in Andora. Then, of course, there was an investigation as to what might have happened and lo & behold! Cheating vampire whore was found to be responsible. So the 10 families got together and figured something out. First off, the mild vampiric traits were dying off. Unless they wanted to inbreed (ew) it was going to be gone. Which was good, because (supposedly) this wouldn't/couldn't happen again. (Yeah right). So the use of the swiftly dieing out traits was forbidden. Well, if you got hurt, you couldn't bite. After a few weeks they're like, Hey, it's back to normal, yay! Until reports of more vampires & vampire killings started comeing in. They were all what the heck? It wasn't until a body & head came in (decapitated by a silver blade)(an heirloom somebody was taking to get un-tarnished) that they figured out what was going on. It was then that the silver-steel swords were created. The people, who already held the 10 families in high regard, made them the ruling class. There were times when people who were bitten & turned who didn't want to be vampires came in, and with the help of truth seer, they were interviewed (tried) to see if they didn't turn anyone, and if they could help or whatever. Finally the old traits were gone, and vampires were seen as the ultimate evil. The creation of silver edged blades happened, and the building of the 10 great cities (Loros & Sailan being two), with various small villages or whatever with people tough/stupid enough to ward off & fight the vampires scattered throughout the realm. Not vampires scattered, villages scattered. Then, so many years later, all that was forgotten, and we come to Jaymes Rowan, and Rose Anthem. TADA! Look at me, I made a plot connection! Oh, but there's more, though. There was a reason Jaymes even got got a hearing though. (Side note: when I wrote about it being so far back, I did so for the purpose of making it far enough back so no one remembers. There was no inferiority of technology. I mean, the only big differences are most people are in the cities as opposed to more spread out, and now they lost the way to make the silver-steel.). See, because about the time Jaymes was turned (a little after), the heads of the 10 families got together for a historical discussion. They had finally realized that with all the strategies and weapons they had, they were only holding off the vampires, not beating them. Some of the scholars from the Yew family (that's why they were important, they keep and have kept all the records from pretty much ever.) had found some records of people turned who went and started hunting vampires. They knew what they had to do. The only way to fight fire was with fire. They had to figure out a way to get vampires on their side, possibly send people to get turned to fight. But they didn't know how to tell the cities their plan/idea. And then Jaymes came back. Problem solved! If that comes in to the main story, I'll deal with it, but I don't think it will for a while. Well, I did have an idea... (My thought process is non-linear)(I skip ahead and back and where-ever the eff I want and I still make sense, at least to me.) It comes far, well, not FAR Far From the very beginning. It's like After eleven years, I think, from the start. The group he was training is now from age 16 to 19. They're the best fighters in the city of Loros, possibly the other 10 cities. Of course, they are the only ones trained by a vampire. And way, Jaymes decides that he wants an apprentice. Well, more like needed. He sees the fact that even with all the silver in the world they'd only be biding time. He got by his lonesome what it took years & years & years for 10 vampire-fighting families to figure out. So he asks Ian, who is old, and he says yes. (At the beginning of the story, Jaymes asks Zach to start a rumor that Ian was considering bring him back as the heir to the throne.)(Zach's sister is a lady in waiting, so therefore she gossips like mad.) (It was started, and in a week it came back that it was ok. Positive.)(But unlikely. He said he's rather help his brothers rule than rule himself.) I forgot my point. Um. Anywho. Point is, sort of, that he had to pick from 7 of the best of the best. In the end, he picks two (Ian says it's ok to have 2 apprentices), Shey (19) and Lance (18). The last sort of test (how he eliminated everyone else), is taking them aside and asking if they would be willing to become vampires to fight vampires. Of course, both answer with a resounding heck Yes!

~

Saturday November 17th, 2007

He decides to wait until they're 21 (no reason, really. Partly to let them realize the decision they've made, say good-bye to family. Then also to have it so that he only has one new vampire to deal with at a time.I mean, a year-old vampire isn't the best thing to be locked in a room with, but it's deffinatly not as bad as two new ones. What was my point? Oh, that was my point.)(I keep meaning to say this. Surrounding Loros is super thick forest. It's old-growth, but there's still lots of undergrowth. The 1st day of spring, it's a tradition to go and hang silver in the forest. Like, wires, shavings, necklace chains. What happens is that they put new stuff up, but also pick up old pieces and hang them again. From about knee level to six-seven feet tall there's tiny pieces of silver everywhere. A vampire trying to be sneak would be caught in it, and get silver everywhere. Little pieces that stick like hot metal sticks to your skin and burns. ow. Hm. I suppose I'm feeling a little morbid.)(that silver in the forest goes from the wall to about 50 feet out. Far enough to make it so the vampires can't jump to the wall or over it. And in case they miss win? there are steel spikes with silver tips. ow.) Oh. I keep meening to mention this, but by this time, Zach has been released as not-guard to Jaymes and has been promoted to senior guard captain of the West gate. Yes.

~

Monday November 19th, 2007

How do you sacrifice a butterfly? Nevermind. I"m not sure exactly what to write about now. I mean, that's really as far as I've gotten; Jaymes turning Shey and Lance. I guess Ian dies, about the time Shey gets turned, and Jerod takes the throne. Jeremy goes to Corya, the Redwood city, for a diplomatic visit, but falls in love with Emi, the Redwood princess. They get married. Bring the Redwoods back into the main system or whatever. Holy crap, what happened to Rose?! Um. Good question. Well, a year or so after she "found" Jaymes, they've started getting farther and farther apart until they just didn't talk anymore. (Part of the Reason is that both were given so much more responsibility; Rose going to other cities as Ians personal messenger (a big deal actually), and Jaymes had the whole traing the kids thing. And the second part is how she realized that she could never give up her life, litterally, to be with Jaymes because that meant dying to become something she had been taught since birth to hate. Very sad.) She kind of just dropps out of the picture. I think she ends up keeping her trade as high-risk messenger for Jerod. An excelently paying job, actually, but she went on so many missions it just piled up. After a close call with a vampire on coming back to Loros from Corya (it was a congratulation from Jerod to Jeremy and Emi on thier first kid)(the close call was that she was tackled off her horse and almost completely drained of blood. Not turned), she retired. She married an officer in the guard and was an unofficial guardswoman, living of the money from the messenger job and her husband's pay. A pretty good life.

~

Wednesday November 21st, 2007

What would you do if you were kidnapped on yer birfday, and then for four years genetically modified, tested, expirimented on, and then, for one year, kept in a desensitization tank of sorts to have all your PNS nerves destroyed and regrown? (Not a fun process; it may have even gotten into some CNS spinal nerves, too. Very uncool. That means using specific nerve targeting agents to take out whole swaths of nerves. Very painful. While the other cells were recouperating, there's no feeling or movement. Very unnerving. Ha ha, I made a pun!)(disconserting.) I've got a couple of lines with that. Wait, I lied. Some like this, but only one with. Nevermind. Some with the whole genemod thing, but only two others. One is long, about 3 years no tanks. One is like that. All the others are shorter. Well, shorter being kept in a lab. I even confused myself, sometimes.

~

Thursday November 22nd, 2007

I got a facebook! W00t! I know where l33t came from, but not the term w00t. For some reason whenever I do work on one of those lines (talking about wednesday's entrie), all but one ends up a bad guy. In one of them he gets reformed (?) or whatever into less of a bad guy, more 'anti-hero' sort of person. Anti-hero like vigilante, not against heroes. But then something mean happens to him and he goes back to being a bad guy again. Hm. In all Of them except one the person's name is Michael. The only other one not Michael is Constantine. He's a cat! Sort of. And he's the shortest of any guy characters. He's 5'2". Yay short! Hm. It's been awhile since I've written about this one. He's the one superhero. His super hero name is Storm Blade. Awesome. Oh. Well, he does become a bad guy for a little bit, but it wasn't his fault.  When he was a bad guy his name is Chaos Theory. If either of those names sound lame, just tell me. I honestly can't tell. I've gotton off track. I was GOING to tell about his powers. Um. His bones were replaced with super-hard/dense porceline. (By nanomachines! They had a molecule of the porceline that they carried in, and then traded out for a molecule of skeletal calcium. They didn't mess with the marrow or core.)(Ps- Everything I say might be technologically possible... Someday. I've done my research!) He got genetically modified with cat genes to boost reflex time, hearing, smell. Not sight. Comes later. (my favorite part). He got that cool insuline growth factor for muscles. (not bulky muscles, just more dense) He got claws made of the same porceline stuff as his bones put underneath his fingernails. (I have pictures of that one; I can show you.) Ok. Last two parts- eyes & superpowers. His eyes were individually modified with cat genes (they even turned into the neat shape)(individually because each had to be made so they were the same... um... prescription, I suppose.)(he had dark eyes, so you couldn't really tell the difference.) Last one. He can control electricity. ZAP! Ha ha, I made a funny. (The old Ninja Turtle movies ROCK!!) Any one named 'Faye' is a witch! Sorry. Anyway. Electricity. He got super-small nanobots (no I am NOT being redundant, they were tiny for nanobots) imbedded in his nerves, and, get this, amazingly awesome organic (sorta) self-replicating nanomachine thingies laced into his cells (that can tell when that enzyme that starts with a 'c' is around, the one that tells the cell to divide so they replicate too) that make it possible for him to channel, control, sense and absorb electricity. Not a person easy to sneak up on. If he doesn't hear you, he can feel the little electric pulse your heart gives out. Very cool. He tunes it out though (because it gets crazy annoying to sense all sorts of little beeps all the time other than having to deal with all the other technological stuff around today. Ps- I see these like comic book pages, or storyboards, or cartoons, or movies (look, a polysyndeton!) so if I describe something, I'll be all 'there was this part' or 'what if you saw' or whatever. But seriously. You'd be Freaked out of your MIND if you saw this one part (that I made up BEFORE that lame movie Ghost Rider came out) where there's about to be thise huge showdowne between Constantine and the bad guy. (I forgot/haven't made the name up yet).

~

Friday 23rd of November, 2007

oops.

Anyway, so they're about to fight. It's the middle of the night and it's even darker because there's a storm above them (the scary clouds, big and black with bruise colored green and purple spots). The street is empty. Alright, so Constantine is pissed off at this bad guy (can't remember why). He's walking down the street. You see every electrical thing (lights, tvs, ect) turn on and bust. Just overload and expload. explode. Whatever. If you could see it the way I do it'd be awesome. Ok. That was cool, but not what I was going to write about. Last night I had one of the most AMAZING Flying dream EVER last night. ever. The school changed my bus stop to Tontitown street, which was like forever away. I got all my school stuff and got in my mom's car, which my sister was driving. So we drive down, and we think we see it, but we drive up to a school that looks like Smith for directions. The bust was just pulling up, so I hopped out of the car to go see if it was it. It was. And it was also the short bus. I asked If the driver would wait while I got my stuff and they said no, so I was like screw this and walked away. I got my stuff and walked to this huge gas station/convienience store. While I was going, I started running, and making huge strides while I was running, like I was just floating. Then I saw a cheerleader outside and asked her for a ride. She said no, she was too lazy. Then I realized, oh. No school. As I went to walk in to the store, I hopped over a puddle, and I was blown by the wind and crashed into the roof over the gasoline pumps! I hit my head. Apparantly it was like nothing happened. I walked in, and went out the back way. Then there was this whole ordeal with a lock and a cute gas-station adentant. And then I flew! It was actually pretty amazing. Ok. Next. I had one of the most amazing conversations today. It was with Max Gutierez. Except he didn't know it was me. I LOVE the honesty box on Facebook. love it. One of the best conversations I've ever had EVER, anonymous or not.

~

Saturday November 24, 2007

I talked to Max again today. Tomorrow, when we're Walking to the bus, I'm gonna stop him, look him square in the eye (as easy as that is for someone half a foot shorter than him) and say this exactly: E equals m c cubed. And then walk away. 'Twill be amazing. Yay. Against my better judgement, I had a moon-pie (banana flavor), which means I'll be staying up until 2:30 tonight listening to yellowcard. Yay sarcasm. I wonder what would happen if the Them (them w/ a capitol T is vampire/s) really did take over. How amazing awesome wheird with an h would that be? I'll have to wait 'till next year though. I can't wait to get a compute of my own. I hope I don't slip up and say something that tells Max i was honesty box girl. I plan on telling him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he figured it out on his own. I wish. Sorry. Not being sarcastic, I forgot what I was going away. Oh, I know. I Remember. I wish girl-world weren't so damn confusing! ARGH! So many RULES about guys and boyfriends and guy friends. And that's just a fraction compared to what's there about other girls. Naivity is not fun. Does that mean ignorance is bliss? Poor, ignorant, falsly bliss saps. 2 things- I almost beat guitar hero 3. I learned a new way to pop my wrists. Put your hand in front of you palm down. Put your other hand over it and grab. Rotate palm-down hand towards you. POP! I figured that out between rounds of hardcore guitar action. I wonder why it's so easy for me to see things with music. Probably one of those weird two brain parts related things that you think is normal but is some weird rare thing one in 2 million people get. I dream in color. I can also taste smell. Sounds like fun, but not when driving past the sewer plant. Other 'normal' people can breathe through their mouths, but NO, I have to hold my breath for a minute & a half. I wonder what would happen if somebody finds and reads this. All of it, not just the story part Cory read. By the way, if you read this, don't Tell anybody! Just use it for the black mail. Duh. I've been pondering this for years, but what would a hand writting analyst say about me? I  like to write. Gets all the crazy out of my head and puts it all on nice, burnable paper. Yay fire. I heard a voice last night. It said wake up and open your eyes. Wake up walk out tonight. He don't care if your dead or alive. Boo Screamo. Scremo. Horray yellowcard. I don't feel very permanent right now. I don't know. For a moment I realized how impermanent I was. If everybody who ever lived was a stream or river, I'd be one of those lines of water that runs down foggy windows. I'm not being self-depreciating or emo. I guess it's just the truth. In the grand scheme of things, I don't think I'm worth much. Not that I want to leave the grand scheme. I like the grand scheme just fine. I'm just saying that if by some tragic miscalculation in the firing of a chicken gun I were to retire from the grand scheme, It'd do just fine without me. Wow. Hear that? That explosion? That was my mind breaking. I'm cold. Goodnight.

~

Sunday November 25th, 2007

It's strange; I've gone from having almost no dreams at all to having one I remember almost everynight. You know music's good when it gives you goosebumps. I want to go to a classicle music concert. An orchestra. I LOVE Music like that. I got lots of story ideas from that. Like how I said I see with music? Yeah. Classical and choral music. I think it's amazing. Ugh. I'm tired. I think. I'll take a nap today. Oh. Last night. It was weird. I heard a 'pop' really loud, right by my head, and felt it, too. I didn't know if it was real, or a hallucination, or a dream. I went right back to sleep, though. I wanted to write about something else, but I forgot. I would have given almost anything to be able to have slept in today. I'm frickin' tired. I miss the lying part of the lying book. I like missing with people's heads. It's just fun. I could write psycological thrillers like there's no tomorrow if I could write books. How come I can write all this crap in here but I can't get past a couple of pages when it comes to book books? I know, it doesn't make sense to me either. I'm tired. The one guy, on that show, looks like a cross between Tyson Ritter and Gerard Way. One of the most amazing people I've ever seen. The show was 'Criminal minds,' by the way. I'm the only person I know who regularly uses semi-colons in writing. I don't know why I brought that up, but it's true. There are only a few people I could imagine as vampires. Joan, Robbie, Brad, and Cory I could definately see as vampires. Those four would make a pretty excelent R.E.Bh squad. If they were loners they'd make amazing bad guys, too. Joan would be a seductress (I ❤ that word), luring guys into back allies and then eating them. She'd have a coven of hypnotized vampire dudes who worship the ground she walks on. Robbie. Hm. He'd instinctivly be drawn to people like him. Little bit morbid, little bit sadistic. He'd make friends with them and then turn them. Good lord, it'd be a coven of NNY's! Small one though, no more than 4 with him at a time. Brad would be different. He'd be an assassin. He'd go after the human bad guys. He'd have enough evidence that they were the bad guy, and then he'd take 'em out. Cory would be different. He'd he the one watching the other vampires; making sure they didn't go too far with turning people and causing general chaos & mayhem. Doesn't make him a good guy, though. He'd be the one to make the first House. Start it from scratch. Yeah. I Love winter in Arkansas. This is gonna sound weird, but the clouds coming down into the vallies. Like some ephemeral goddess of mist reaching down to caress the earth. It's all weird & poetic, but that's what it makes me think of. Oh, I forgot Max. He didn't make it to the top 4 because he'd be the vampire that didn't want to be a vampire. He'd be a bit slimmer, of course, but the chubby now isn't bad. Squishy hugs. ^.^. Anyway. I can see him hunting other vampires, searching for the one that turned him. I'm not sure what he'd do after that. Maybe hunt others still. He might hunt others still. He might realize the whole time what he was doing was pointless and then go be like the other vampires. Except more ruthless, because he doesn't care anymore. He would e the one that left the fledglings to wake up in the morgue. He would be the one that the House relied on for the dirty work but only tolerated. Basically he would turn into Brian White. Oh, so that is how it happened. I never really thought it out before. I like that idea. So the Brian White I knew never really wanted to be a vampire in the first place. Sad. He ended up hunting down his sire, and was able to finish him off. He tried to keep on hunting other vampires, but it did not work. He kind of gave up being good. Ish. Goodish. Not really good in the first place, but not bad. He goes from neutral to bad. Itis several years until Jaymes and Rachel come into the picture, and he just got worse and worse. Not fvn for anybody. Hm. What should I write about now? beCause I want to keep writing. I need to get six more pokemon & I get the national dex. I am working on catching all the poke mon. I got a pichu & pikachu and turned it into a Raichu. Why am I talking about this? No I do not know why I am asking you! Leave me alone. Meh. Vin deisel is awesome. I want to see all the Riddick movies. I wish I could be in a movie. I need to make a faraday cage & test it out. Copper mesh, right? As I say again and have said many times, I wish I had superpowers. Not only would it maybe make life easier, it would make it a frick of a lot more fun. I mean, even being able to hover would be fun. Be able to sneak up on somebody completly silently. Amazing awesome fun! OH MY GOD! The Matrix is on tonight! One of my favorite movies ever! AHHH!! Keanu Reeves is totally hot in that movie. Yay. Omg, Riddick's attitude is like Jaymes' after his mind gets broken. I like it. Dad has the movies, I will ask if he will let me watch them while he is gone. Nevermind. Maybe I can get Wendy to let me watch them. Or I will borrow them from somebody at my lunch time. It is cold in my room. Really really cold. Brr. Racheal and Melissa I could not ever see as vampires. Spencer I could. Deffinatly spencer. I want some Riddick sclera mirror contact lenses. I wonder. I wonder what I would do if vampires were real. What would I do if they were real. If I wrote a book and put it out. If I wrote the rule book. If they got published. Would they be mad? Would they do anything about it? Ach. I am obsessing. Sorry. My bad. I cannot help it sometimes. I like writing in? in without contractions. It is fun. I wonder if I were an animal what animal I would be. If I went by the 'grand scheme' theory, i would be like a gnat. Or small annoying bug. If it went by personality, I would probably be a small red cat. The kind that you could be a 6'6" 200 pound man and that cat could beat the snot out of him. Yes. I am a small red cat with an attitude. Fun. The Matrix and Hackers are so reminescent of each other it is creepy. I like the Matrix because (you think you are special. You think the rules do not apply to you.) it really just drops you on your butt. I like that. That concept. It is true. Most things in life do not do that. I would vollunteer to get something like that given to me. It is like this, you either take it or you do not. No looking back. Those are my favorite kind of choice. Impulse. I think that is what makes a person, how they react under pressure. That is the only way to gauge someone. Now tell me that is not true. Anyother time, they can make stuff up. Get a person so scared they have no choice but to tell the truth. Then you see someone's true self. That gives me an idea. I do not know exactly how to put it in words. Nevermind. It is a concept to add to a story, not a base. Interesting idea, though. I hate it, in dreams, when I am thinking in the dream 'Thank god this is not a dream.' I remember that. I hope next time I can remember to tell myself that it is not real, so that I can have a lucid dream. I have only had one dream where I realized I was asleep. The lucid part only lasted a few seconds. It could have been more fun. that s looks like a snake. I wish something would happen to me. I am so bored with life. Not enough to end it, god no. But just... bored. I want a surprise. I want something unexpected. I want something to change my life. Maybe even a small change.

~

Monday November 26th, 2007

I have missed writing in a journal/die-ary. It is nice. Today I am going to tell Max it was me. On the way to the bus, I will get my marker out And tell him to stick his hand out the window. I will write E=mc3 and then walk away. I cannot look back either, I must keep walking. I wish to see his face though, when he realizes what just happened. He is too smart for his own good, but who says that is a bad thing? I wonder if he will say anything today at lunch. I should have printed out the thread so I could make sure I did not say anything to give me away. I will check today in EAST, but I think Facebook is considered a 'wildcard xanga' by the school's security system. I had one of those out of the body experiences or whatever the other day. I was talking to the guys at lunch and suddenly I just blanked. I did not know who I was or what I was doing. It only lasted a second, but it was very disconcerting. I had one in the car once. We were in my dad's truck and I was in that weird half-awake half-asleep state. I opened my eyes and was looking out of the front of the windsheild and all I could think was 'how are we going so fast?' Experiences like that, Like you are in someone else's body are weird. I cannot say wether I appreciate that feeling or not other than to tell you that they make you think. I am writing sideways and it is weird. That is better. I am tired. I wish to sleep. In Spanish, that is two words. I cannot wait for lunch. Only to see Max. I will do that today, at the bus, because I want to see what happens. I wish my last words to be what does that button do. Those two sentances go together. They are not random. I like to do things to see what happens. Frick. I have a test nex hour. In five minutes. Icky. hee. That makes me think of how I coded something I wrote on vampires. The word blood was replaced with ick and vampire(s) with Them. Yes, capital T and everything. Just incase someone came up behind me. Yes, Them and They ARE different!! I told Alissa about Max. She will not tell, she is nice like that. Yay friends. Um. I do not know what to write about anymore. Well, for now. What to write about. I have a non-linear type of thinking. Crap. Today is Monday. Ms Lamb goes crazy on Mondays. Ick. At least, though, I have not relinquished control of my insanity. My craziness is my own. I like this pen. I do not like EAST. It is not fun. Neither is english. Emily. I just realized. If she were a vampire. She would be the kind that revels in their power. She would be a vampire and Love it. I do not think I have seen anyone else like that. No I am not going to tell her!! What kind of a idea is that?! Sorry. I never curse. It is a Stupid idea, though. How would you turn sinister into an adjective? Sinisterlly? Sinisterally? I will look it up in my handy-dandy dictionary. No, adverb, I think. Apparantly in Latin it comes from 'from the left.' Why was the left such a bad thing? I embrace my leftness. I guess I tend to shun the right, though. Maybe that is not so good. I did it. I wrote on his hand. PS- It is the beginning of 5th hour. I could not stop myself. I am a very impacient person. I cannot help it! Stop telling me I am stupid! Jerk. Well. Hmm. For a minute there my hands were shaking. Yay Adrenaline! Seriously though. *Sigh* I wish I could have seen his face when he realized what that meant. Hm. I suppose I should explain what I am talking about when I talk to the other people. Weird, I know. A long time a-go when I can just remember (sorry. The line came in my head and I just had to write it. I cannot even remember the song). Sorry. Anyway. Seriously a long time ago I started writing and making up stories. I found out that giving the characters personalities made it easier to write and make up stories and find out what happens. After a while they (they characters) starting running around on their own. Most of the time when I write in here and talk to somebody else in writing, I am talking to one of the characters. Not in a dissociative way, no. Like the voice in your head that tells you you are stupid but with a personality, and a look. Usually it is guys who yell at me or talk or whatever, but sometimes it is a girl. She never says anything nice. She is mean. The guys just make fun of me, and mope with me when I am depressed. When I am mad and they do not act nice or make it worse, I threaten to turn them pink. Or girls. It is funny. I have never made anyone cry, though. I am not that mean, though I am pretty mean in my head.

~

Tuesday November 27th, 2007

Today was ok. I came up with another storyline. It is about somebody named Michael. Shut up, I am bad about making up names. Anyway. He gets sucked into this conflict. Not really even his choice. It starts out thusly: He wakes up to see two people dressed in black standing over him. He starts to freak out until one of them clamps their hand over his mouth. It is a girl. The other is a guy. They tell him to be

--

quiet or they will leave. He asks if that is a bad thing. The guy, Jeremy, goes into the schpeil about how this is one of those life changing choices that only come once in an entire lifetime. Michael decides to go with them, who happens to believe in my theory about impulse choices. They go. They get to a little cafè where Michael has breakfast. Joan (the girl) and Jeremy do not eat. They sit in a tiny corner booth. Michael asks what they want for him, and they say they are vampires. They say thy wanted to get to him before the Slayers did. They do not get much farther than that when Michael violently walks out. He does not know what to think, really. He starts to leave when Jeremy & joan try and drag him to a suspiciously convient waiting car. He starts yelling. There is a police car driving up, and

--

the police guy stops them. More like they see him and then run off. (I meant to say this. When they say who and what they are, they show him the 'V' tattooes tattoos? with the sire's mark, and tell him about how the slayers have a winged sword hilt-up on their right arm. The V's are on the left.) Police dude asks all the questions blah, blah, blah. He says the still need to go to the station. They get into the car, dude up front, Michael in the back. No cage. The police guy starts guy-babbleing, until Michael sees a tattoo on his right arm. Michael asks him about, and he says he is a Slayer. Michael is all, what? Say that again?

~

Wednesday November 28th, 2007

So the guy starts talking about how lucky he is to have been 'rescued' from the vampires. They pull over to the side and the policeman pulls out a syringe and says it is for both of their safty that he gets a needle of morphine to the neck so he does not know where the base is. Yeah. Not cool. Michael jumps out of the back and starts running. He does not make it more than half of a block before Jeremy pulls him into a doorway.

~

Thursday November 29th, 2007

I have another 'What would you do' question. I came up with it last night. Forget the other one for now. For NOW. yeesh. Alright. Here we go. What would you do if you woke up in a strange room, not remembering how you got there or what

--

happened, and then when someone finally answers your questions they tell you you are a vampire? I know it sounds confusing, but let me explain. (ooo, pepper spray. That sounds delicious! *ksshht* AAH! I was wrong! I was horribbly horribly wrong!!)(Sorry. Could not stop myself.) Alright. So Michael (different Michael. I need new names.) Wakes up in a weird room with a bored girl reading a book. He tries to ask where he is and what happened, but all she says is that it is not her job to tell him and someone is on their way. She evidently finds a stopping place, marks her place and leaves.

woah... out of order.

~

November 30th Friday 2007

I had a weird dream last night and Zach McGarrah was in it. (A quote, so I can use a contraction: "I'd rather die fast than live in Fear.") There was a big storm and we were going to pick him up or something. Oh my god. I remember my other dream. I was out in front of the malco (the one across from kmart) and sitting over across from where all the movie posters and times were. I was in a cheerleading outfit. I was just kind of sitting there my chin on my hands. All of the sudden a black van pulls up and someone that look like Michael NOT tenant. Somebody from a story I made up. with Ryan's hair. and hat. He asked if I wanted to come with him. ARGG!! Damn it!! I should have gone with him, I should have said YeS! In my dream I literally said 'Fuck no!' Apparantly it didn't phase Michael, because he just says 'alright,' and picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I started yelling 'SAVE ME! HELP ME!' I yelled 'fire' a couple times because I remembered what Cory & Tenant always say. For some reason I also yelled 'TAKE ME!' From the last line of The End. I was also kicking hitting, and yes, I'm proud to admit, biting. My eyes were closed until somebody knocked him down and I got up and watched as a mob of people beat the livin' Shit out of him. Not litterally, but when they were done he was lying on the ground by the movie posters, bleeding. It was Cloudy-dark, like before a bit storm, and I saw the red & blue flashes of police & ambulance. I had pulled of those ballchain necklaces, like the kind with the hook. I had it in my hand and I threw it at him, saying 'Thanks a Fucking lot' as I walked into the left door of the main entrance. He was right there were the last poster next to the doors were. I took like one step through the door and woke up. In case somebody reads this, I NEVER Curse, but in my dreams I'm just a horrid cusser. Oh. And the reason I said I should have gone with him. Looking back, that's one of those dream disesions (Shut up, I KNOW I spell bad) that lead to a lucid dream. It was different Michael than Tenant. Michael from one of my stories. It was wheird with an h. Oh yeah. While I'm talking about it. Thinking? Whatever. I had a superhero dream, too. I was watching rogue, from the x-men and a bunch of other superheroes. She didn't look like rouge though. She was showing off her powers, taking each other person's powers and using them. She was standing on an old conveyor belt and everybody else was standing on the floor. They were in an old Factory and I was hiding out of sight. There was one lightbulb on, that shone on just that group. I was watching and no one saw me. I just kind of woke up. PS- All those dreams were last night. I can tell you why I had all those dreams, too. Bad. Michelle remembers my list. I never told her, did I? Bad. was it a bad thing to let Dustin read the pink pages? No. I think it's ok. We shall see. It's ok. He liked it. I shall have to work on the back story of the takeover story. It's hard to explain. It's going in my other notebook. In the pink one. Not pink notebook, the one with the pink info. I like that. I don't know what I like... Wait. Why did I write that? I don't know. I confuse myself. A LOT.

~

Sunday December 2nd, 2007

I had dreams again last night. One has Mr Moleso in it. He had a mess van. That was about it on that dream. But after that dream I had another dream. A cooler dream. A better dream. Way better. I was in our living room. It was night. Cloudy. My dad was on the couch. I was sitting there, the seat closest to the door. All of the sudden I felt mad. Angry. Seriously enraged, for just no reason. I slammed out the door, running in to the middle of the cul de sac. Our house was in a different spot, though. Where the one girl's house was, with the wood floors. I ran. I made those leaping bounds, the kind that take you ten feet. I started snarling, growling. Out in the cul de sac round, Jaymes was talking to Rom. It was then that I realized holy effing crap I'm a werewolf. That's why Jaymes was there. So. I was out in the round place. For some reason I ignored Rom and Jaymes, and went to go attack this kid that came from where my house should be. have been? He looked like Michael from my comic, white shirt and everything. By then I had serious teeth & claws. Poor kid. I had grabbed him and was snapping at him when Jaymes said something that made me stop and turned me into me again. He was yelling at me to run inside the house and hide. I ended up running upstairs to my brother's room. The number 3-0-0-9 was important; it was like a security code for the windows. I had to hide because there was a group of vampires not on Jaymes's side that were trying to get me. They were trying to get inside the house. I was scared they were going to hurt my family, so I went downstairs and said I thought I was going to change into a wolf again so I was going to go back outside. My dad, who was clueless, was just meh. I was going to sacrifice myself, I guess. I woke up when I walked out the door. It was very... sobering. There was this one dream, though. I had it recently. In the last couple of days. I can't remember when. It was freaky. Johnny C. was in it. So was DeVi. And Paul Atreids. And Dr. Halsey. Jaymes was there, too. I know. It was crazy insane. I don't remember the whole dream, but I remember lots of different parts. But not the order they went it. I remember dark. We were underground. But it was a jungle. It was like everything was under a black-light. Things were day-glo orange & green & pink, but it was still freaking DARK. I remember we me, Johnny & Jaymes) were going to rescue Devi. There was a lake of acid we had to cross, and the door was at least three stories up the wall. Yeah. That was the only wall we saw, and we wouldn't see the ceiling. But we had to get across. For some reason I wasn't exactly there, but I was there. Watching, at least. The next part I remember is being in the room Devi was trapped in. She's talking to Dr. Halsey. I can't remember why they were talking, or what about, but they were interrupted when a buzz-saw ring came out from the wall and started flying around. Thank you Robbie. They got out when Jaymes & Johnny got there. Somehow they find a way out, but in another room Jaymes finds Paul Atreids. Yes. The guy from Dune. Hey, it's what I get for reading Questionable Content. Anyway. So Jaymes & Paul find baby dragons and fly across the acid lake talking to Pintsize And laughing. Oh, and there was a part where the forest & vines were attacking them. Ok, I'm done.

~

Monday November 3rd, 2007

I remember having dreams last night, I just don't remember them. If that makes sense. Maybe it'll be like the movie theater dream and I'll remember it later. I'm lucky. I have friends that will take me to go see Sweeny Todd. I want to go see that soooo baaad! I am NOT a sheep! Far from it, actually. I'm a consciencous non-conformist. I think I jsut wrote that I'm a non-conformist who is awake. Whatever. I'm so excited about my new comic. I'm doing a little happy dance. I still can't believe my dad won a Wii. I mean COme on. He has the worst luck. Whatever, you can't say anything. Either of you. Yeesh. My luck is sporadic at best, non-existant at worst. I need... something. I forgot what I was going to write. Stop it, this is NOT going to be part of the Lying Book. That is the past. Past me. Past all of you. *grumpf*. I still want my heart back. Whatever. No more talking about it.

~

Teusday November 4th, 2007

I had another weird dream last night. I remembered it when I saw that book, Maledicte. It was a scene from the second poem in my series. I was on a rooftop. Everything was that weird grey-white color; there was a mist, a fog. (told you I used semi-colons.) I saw somebody land on the roof they had jumped from really high up. From then it was exactly like my poem. lines 10-12, 13-15. Line 4 & 5, too. Here:

"Someone still / standing in black / ... darkness surrounds / forms in to wings / black like hearts / ... stares back / with blood red / eyes and guilt." Hm. I suppose that might be a bit confusing. I'll write it in prose to explain. Like I sad before, he was just standing there. Then there was this dark around him, and it turned in to a pair of wings. He looked at me and his eyes were red. What was weird, though, was why I had remembered the dream. I knew I had a dream, but it was just the knowledge of it. When I looked at the book, though, it like triggered it. Triggered the memory of it. I think I know why I had that dream, though. Two raisons. 1- In the first part of that book Maledicte it talks about someone praying to a god, the 'dark-winged Anis.' And on the cover there's a mask with black feathers. And then before I went to sleep... no, when I fell asleep I fell asleep reciting Razor Love. I know it by heart. I can't tell if that's cool, sad, or emo. Probably emo, but if anybody calls me that to my face I'll beat the crap out of 'em. And bite 'em. Yeah. I wonder if I could break the skin with a bite? I suppose If I got somebody when they weren't looking. Maybe on the arm or something. I dunno. *shrug.* Ever have those moments when you're not sure everything is completely real? Just for a few seconds everything seems fake, or a dream? Twice today that's happened & it's only 10:15. Everything sort of tilted. I was on the bus and I felt a little dizzy. I put my forehead on the window and as I looked outside everything twisted. It happened again as I was walking across the courtyard. I was just walking straight, not running, nothing. The world just seem to tilt down to the left for somereason. I was still standing up, and nobody else seemed to notice. It was strange, to say the least. Maybe it's one of those things everybody notices but thinks nobody else does so they don't say anything. I found a smell that I think is totally smexy, but I found that on accident. It's the smell of that super-sweet pink bubblegum, and Axe. On. My god. It's amazing. So amazing it got written in "tiny-awesome-whisper" font. yay. I fed the fish today. We need more Minnows. Poor Mr. Beasly. He's litterally getting his tail bitten off. I need to bring Eclipse tomorrow or Michelle will eat me. I don't feel good. I'm tired. I'm going to write Razor love on my calculator. Done. Wow. Incredibly effective waste of time. The tilty thing happened again. Brian & Kenya's baby is CUTE!! I have to write this only because the subject was changed to dogs: He has the loyalty of a golden retreiver and the generosity of a doutchhound. hee. I think we've figured out that ca-ca ca-ca and tookie tookie don't work. I like that movie. Holy on, hold on. Listen to this- On next page b/c this is hard to write on

He was anger personified; rage and terror and hatred bound into one feral shadow. Awesome. My right side is hurting and I'm wondering whether it's my appendix or just hypochondriasis.

~

Monday, who gives a crap

Holy fucking ass-crackers, Batman! Cory just asked me out!!! Sorry. No more reference. I just don't want thingies to get weird. Here's a random question to start things off: Do you know how hard it is for a vampire to get drunk? I want to sleep. Maybe it's the weather. Hopefully it's not another onset of lying book syndrom. Maybe it's just the adrenaline leaving. I mean, first it was this morning, and then the presentation in Spanish. I guess I'm just coming off of a high. All I can say is that I liked it. I think that if I could get Nevermind. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I wish I could sky dive so BAD!!

Thank you, God, for amazing friends. Jay, TY TY TY!!! for the amazing weather. I came up with another idea. It starts out in a bar at about six o'clock in the morning. There's somebody sleeping at the bar, hugging an empty bottle of vodka. Somebody smashes their hand down next to his head and he starts & wakes up. The bar tender tells him to get out. When whatever. I don't want to write.

~

Teusday December 11th, 2007

Yay. Problem solved. I we both agreed it was a little it impulse and put-on-the-spot-y. So. Yeah. WOO! Hm. If viri shared jeans them the world would be dooMED. Sorry. Like Hemmeragic influenza. You'd choke on your own blood. Drown in it. Icky.

"Stay away from me..."

"Listen, we're here to help."

TRODGOR was a man. Er, he was a DRAGON man. Uh, maybe he was just a dragon. But he was TROGDOR TRODGOR Burninating the countryside, Burninating the peasants. Burninating all the peoples. In the thatched roof cottages Thatched roof cottages!! And then Trodgor comes in the NIGHT!!!

that I can't make you stay

Now I know there's nothing I can say, but where's your heart but where's your heart but where's your and I know there's nothing I can say to change that part to change that part to change. So many bright lights to cast a shadow and I can't speak is it hard understanding I'm incomplete A life that's so demanding I get so weak A life that's so demanding I can't speak. I am not afraid to keep on livin' I am not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothin' you can say can stop me goin' home. Can you see my eyes are shining bright 'cause I'm out here on the otherside of a jet-black hotel mirror and I'm so weak Is it hard understanding I'm incomplete a love that's so demanding I get weak. I am afraid to keep on livin' I am not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothin' you can stay can stop me goin' home I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothin' you can say can stop me goin' home. These bright lights have always blinded me these bright lights have always blinded me I say I see you lyin' next to me with words I thought I'd never speake awake and unafraid asleep or dead I see you lying next to me with words I thought I'd never speak awake and unafraid asleep or dead ' I see you lying next to me with words I thought I'd never speak awake and unafraid asleep or dead I am not afraid to keep on livin' I am not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothin' you can say can stop me goin' home I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothin' you can say can stop me goin home I am not afraid to keep on livin' I am not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothing you can stay can stop me going home. Well, that certainly took up space. Yes. a small red cat with an attitude. Meow.

~

Wednesday, December 12th, 2007

I have to totally redo the powerpoint. I will break into your thoughts with what's written on my heart I will break break I'm so sick infected with where we live let me live without this empty bliss selfishness I'm so sick. Do you want more of this you can push out sell out die out so just shut up shut up and stay sleeping with my screaming in your itching ears I'm so sick infected with where we live let me live without this empty bliss selfishness I'm so I'm so sick. Hear? I'm screaming it you tremble at this sound Hear it? I'm screaming it you're heeding to it now You sink into my clothes this invasion makes me feel worthless hopeless sick I'm so sick infected with where we live let me live without this empty bliss, selfish ness I'm so I'm so sick I'm so I'm so I'm sick Sorry. I gotted really BORED. Well oh You wanna see how far down I can sink let Me out - !!!

--

RNA Viruses
   -Retrovirus
   -Revers transcriptace - RNA - DNA
   -Changes DNA
   -lysogenic, spreads
   -divids
   -Incoperated into host's genome
   -remakes viruses
Modify an HIV virus? 2, 3 years before signs show. First tests dead in a week. Cat is first for permanent. 50% - 60% of fighting off virus. 10% - 15% possibility of cancer.

hmmm. I'm a happy nerd. If I decided  I wanted to be a genetecist, I'd be leading in the feild of modefying retroviri. Fun stuff, right there. I like nano technology, too, though. Anything in those two feilds I think I would find really interesting. I came up with a continuation Of my takeover story. Jaymes, Michael, Cat, Lukan and Jessica are in a 3-man team patrol. They stop to figure out where to go next and something stabs Jaymes in the back. He pulls it out and he's holding a syring. An empty syringe. With a silver needle. He tries to put up a sheild with his aura, but the silver in the needles rip through the sheild and three More hit him. One in the arm, two in the chest. Guess what it is. It's the cure, twice What's needed, too. Can you hear my evil laughter? Muhaha. So. He starts freakin' out because it HURTS. Seriously. Worse than being turned. Like really really really bad. They take him back to the house, but by then it's too late. An hour later he's unconcious. Right after he passes out, somebody, amazingly, hacks the House firewall. They tell them that it was a cure; in about four or five days he'll be human and they were going to take him down. They say not to try and turn him because it might just kill him. Surprisingly enough, the vampires can't track the broadcast, not even the ones that can get into the network. (It's in that one place I put that one thing that one time.) Anyway. When he finally wakes up, he looks pretty bad. I mean, he's been dead for 15 years, what do you expect? He's got hugenormous bruises around the places he got hit with the cure, there big circles under his eyes so dark they're almost black, His eyes are creepy white with black iris rings around them, he can hardly move, he's having a hard time staying awake, and he can barely speak. The bruises are pretty bad. The one on his arm is a huge circle on his forearm and it's so big it actually wraps all the way around. There were two on his chest. one comes up over his collarbone and one goes over his shoulder. The one no his back is the only one that doesn't show, but it covers almost a third of his back. The sad thing is, no body onces to come near him. They're pretty sure it's not contageous but (they aren't or they're not) sure. Somebody called & said the rest (it wasn't contangious, we're coming to get him) they tell them to pack his stuff. There's a truck, like a moving truck, that nobody noticed. They said look in the back. There's a note. But it's locked. The said check the Mailbox. In it is a key. They open the back. It says the truck is to move all his stuff. So, using jessica's teleport powers, they're done in less than 15 minutes after Jaymes wakes up. (ha ha, he really IS death warmed over! ha.) They don't know what to do. Nothing like that had ever happened before. They don't even know who these people are. They let Jessica explain to him what happened to him because all the guys were so angry they couldn't See Straight. (I can't find my mouth!!)

The vampires just gave him to them. Jaymes was kind of resigned to his fate.

"I... never thought... never imagined..."

"What?"

"A cure... they could... fix us."

"We're not Broken! Don't even think that!"

Yeah. It was pretty sad. I'm Not quite sure what happens after. I'm pretty sure Nyx comes into the picture when he gets turned back, but I don't know when exactly that happens. (Despite all My rage I am still just a rat in a cage) Yay! I'm almost done with my book. shortest time I've ever filled up a book. If I finish it before Jan 4 2008 it will have been filled in less than a year. Cool. (Pretentious adventures)

~

Thursday December 13th, 2007

I had a weird dream last night. Brian White was in it. It was wheird with an h weird. I was in a cave house. Or, a house dug into the ground. It was expanded from the truck-van thing from Tin Man. I think I was fixing to leave, so I stashed my guitar in a storage room. There was a big window, at about chest hight for me, where you told it to go away and you walked through. Like a force feild field or something. Outside of the window was a little pond, and lots of trees. There was a beaver that lived in the pond. It was summer outside. I put the window down or whatever. A cold wind came in, and standing all smug. You don't know who it is, but I HATE him. More than anybody else, I think. Long story. Not going into it. Anyway. It was like winter outside now. I could see a small fire burning behind him. I was scared out of my mind. He pulled out the brand from the fire. My siste came out from one of the back rooms, like she was hypnotized. Somebody I didn't know came before my sister, though. She looked like Kira from Mars. The mark that was burned on their foreheads was like this:

See, here's the deal. He hates me as much or more than I hate and fear him put together. He was like saving me for last. I think there were other people, but I don't remember. I tried to get out through the storage closet because I thought I saw a hidden way out, but it as only an old bath tub. I snuck over to the wall to the left of the window. I was wondering what the heck he was doing and why. The beaver from the pond came over and made like a backwards cross. I asked if the brand was a god-sign, and it nodded. Brian saw me and heard me ask about the god-sign. He told me that using the people with the sign on their foreheads, he was going to call ANi (pronounced an I. Like the word an and the pronoun I.), one of the old gods. In my dream, when she was summoned, I guess, she would be pale, tall. Short, spikey black hair. Black wings. She had a staff made of some sort of black wood with a rusty colored dark crystal on the top. she had fangs, too. Sh had almost like a gown on. It was black. I never saw her, but I knew that's what she looked like. Anyway. So Brian told me he was going to call Ani, and I was going to be what pulled it all together. I guess I asked why the shape of the brand, because he pulled out a puzzlepiece from his pocket. He showed it to me. It was red, but not like flower red. It was red mixed with a little brown. It was marroonish. On the puzzle piece I saw people with the brand on their foreheads looking up at something in terror, but it was like a part of a drawing. The puzzle piece was part of a stone puzzle made of that red stone. I guess I knew I was concerned and didn't have a choice because I climbed out the giant window and started following him. Then the dream flashed to like a week after that. Even though it was the middle of summer, the woods around the truckvanunderground house were cold and snowy, and none of the trees had leaves. They my parents they didn't look like my reall parents were with somebody from another group, like a group of people who know how bad it would be to call back Ani, because she was one of the more powerful gods, and she was the goddess of death & destruction. This other person was a girl and she looked like the VespAvenger from Questionable Content, complete with the purple hair & everything. She had a red ball that was like a universal tool thingy. It didn't have a flash light, but it was a laser dot that they used. It was night & cloudy, but it was a full moon behind the clouds, so it wasn't really dark. Anyway, they got to the truckvanunderground house and tried to get in through the force field window thing, but it wouldn't let them in. The VespAvenger lady pushed a button on the red ball and the area around the window, like the pond and a few feet beyond that flashed into the middle of summer at noon. The sun was shining, and the light was all gold & yellowy. The window opened suddenly and they got sucked into the truckvanunderground house, and as soon as that happened, everything turned back to winter at night. I don't know what happened next because then I woke up. Like I said, wheird with an h.

~

Friday December 14th, 2007

This is my favorite pen and It's almost out of ink. I'm sad. I really really like this pen. But I want to finish this book. Oh well. You've got to break some lions to make an omlette.

~

Sunday December 16th, 2007

I had another weird dream last Night. Clsest to a lucid dream I've gotton in a while. I don't remember a lot, but what I do remember is weird. There are a couple parts, though, that are wheird with an h. I only remember bits & pieces. Never mind. I don't really want to write it. No reason, I just don't want to. The 1st snow of the season finally came. Didn't do anything to the roads, though. Maybe tonight. Cheer me up. I wouldst be pleased if school were canceled. Would definatly use my next pen. Oh yeah. I've gotten pretty far on the story Christina, Kaila, and cory are reading. I feel very proud of myself. I'm actually getting somewhere on a story. Yay! This pen has written on 34 pages front & back including this one. That's 68 pages. Wow. I really do write compulsively, huh? Well, next I get to finish that stupid red book. Crud. That means I need to get a new book soon, then. See. New pen. I like the story. I'm getting really good at my writing. I'm wondering again what would happen if somebody found all of my books, all of my journaries and published them. Put them in order and made sense of my rants. Yick. I think I've never seen any writting quite like my fancy writing. Even my characterized writing is cool. I think it's neat that people can tell the difference between the writing from one character's 1st person to another. Gives me hope. What's neat, though, is that I've totally forgotten what I was going to say was neat. I hate that. I can't wait to start the next part of the story. It's the whole story from the beginning in Michael's first person. It's going to be neat because there will be interruptions from Jaymes or Lorn or somebody else that will pull the story back to 3rd person omniceint-ish and then when the interruption is taken care of and Michael goes back to telling the story it goes back to first person. I'm going to start putting dates in the red book, though. Yay! I am almost done with my book! W00t! Cool. I don't want to go to school tomorrow but I don't think there's any chance of me staying home. It's not going to snow or ice probably, and I don't want to have to throw up to stay home because Wendy will make me stay in bed and sleep and not let me watch tv or anything. I like writing. Both stories and in my books. I'm a little bit sad that this one is almost full. I like it. I think the cover is neat and I like the bookmark tassley thingy. I write which QC I'm on. I think I'll keep carrying it around... hm, well, maybe not. I wonder where my blue scary cat book went? Why must you always assume I'm asking you? It's just a voiced question. Rhetorical. Stop saying you don't know!! Yeesh. My mind really knows how to get me annoyed. I'm going to look fo my bluescarycat book before I fall asleep. Found it! Cool. I just read it all. Yick. I'm at my least favorite part in the Megaman game. The stupid sky stuff. I hate it. Ugh. I am extremely ready for a nap. I'm gonna go take a shower. Boo creepy foot doctor. Horay being clean!! I have something to say. Next page, please. I am an evil, heartless person who enjoys laughing at other people's pain. Basically, that means I have the humor of a 15 year old boy. Yep. Evil & heartless. Ugh. That makes me think of kingdom hearts. More specifically, Brian. The whore room. The chair. The door. My confused room. That was a bad time; an EXTREMELY bad time. I am NEVER letting that happen again. New subject. Hm. I dont want to go to school tomorrow. Does that count as a subject change? There's no reason other than I just don't want to go. Maybe because of EAST or something. But that's the only class I'd want to get out of. I'm going to send in a post card to the secret guy. See if it gets posted. I'll have to check out the site, though. I want to make sure there's no others like mine. I also want to see if I can find the books. I bet they used that on the Dirty Little Secret video. I bet it was. That's actually very cool. I know what I'm going to send in. I know what I want the card to look like two. Too. Holy crap. I just made a kindergarden mistake. Whatever. I don't want to go to school. I want a laptup. Ugh, Semester tests. The one I REALLY don't want to take the math test. Other than that I think I'm ok. I wonder what it would be like to have DID? Bet it would suck. Did I ask you? Please stop interrupting. It's incredibly annoying. I just drew a star on my leg. I should draw one on my tummy. Ok. Didn't exactly work, but ok. I can't believe I've actually almost finished this book! NO IM NOT OBSESSING!! Obsessing is how I endlessly prattle on about vampires, you dolt!

~

Monday December 17th, 2007

I am a strange person. I realize this, and I embrace it. Most of the time. I'm a pirate, argh. Where did Madina Lake go? I haven't heard House of Cards in AGES! Ha. Anyone who doesn't know music has no idea what I said. Hee. That's like the hee that's just like you pulled a prank on somebody and they're about to get like slime pourd on their head. Yeah. awesome. I'd do taht, but it sounds extremely mean. I'd have to get it on tape. I wish I could get math. Calculus better be more understandable. I hate trig. I'm hungry. Gyar! I'll eet yur face!! Not only am I hungry, I also happen to be BORED. The End is a lovely song. It also happens to be stuck in my head. Ugh. I do not want to take semester tests. I get bored easy. Does that mean I'm smart? I dunno. I mean, look at my writing. It's effing AMAZING, or so I've heard. So what's the deal? Gah!!! NO! I alMost NEVER ask you!! Stop it!! GYARR!!! Hmph. Sorry. Yeah, well, you always come in and interrupt when I'm being rhetoric. Thpbb. Damn, Hannah. Do you know what kind of god-sign you just made? Hm. The palms were facing outwards, so she was either trying to protect or curse someone else. Turn the move backwards and it's like a lucky move or something. That was weird. See? There goes my imagination. Or whatever powers statements like that. I wonder if there's a test for imagination? Yes, I'm asking you now. You're right, maybe a Roshark test. I'd like to take one. Just to see, y'know? I suppose. Why? You think they could tell with nothing but a Rawshark text? I need to start practicing guitar again. I think my calluses are gone. I miss my old pen. Yeah, I know, lions. Hm. I know! I popped a zit on the end of my nose and it bled like effing crazy. Fun stuff right there. I like grossing people out unexpectedly, it's hella fun. Michael & Cat. They are about as different from each other as I am from Curry. I dunno. Michael is nice. He's a strong person, persistant. Caring. But he can get angry. He gets guilty a lot. I don't know. May be not a Lot, but. And then there's Cat. Live for the moment, no regrets. Live life as it comes and don't look back. I forgot to look up a suposed second Cloverfeild clip. I shall see. I wonder what I would be like if I were more driven. Probably were better grades. I'd actually be motivated to do stuff so I'd have better grades. Blech. Tummy full. All better. Mostly. I got new shoes. They're total skate shoes, but they fit me. I want to talk about something less blah. I like to write write write stories & fiction things, I like to write write write stories & fiction. Dance floor Anthem is stuck in my head. I like it.

"I don't know why I'm here! I don't know what happened to me!"

Sorry. Random. I really don't want to finish this book. I like it. Joan says at the Bookstore at the promenade they have really cool books like these. I want one. (There's something in your nose. Yeah, so? I want it.) The spanish inquisition. Fun stuff right there. I need to work on my EAST stuff. Yick. Rediculous or however you spell it. You know what's weird? I have been having more dreams I remember lately. A shark. How weird would it be to be raised in a world were vampires were real? (The Russian police. Stern. Stern but fair.) If being a vampire was a major decision a person had to make. (Been there, done that, don't wanna go again. Gotta love the s'more.) That would be stressful. Rules for being a vampire:

   -Be a trueblood
   -Graduate highschool
   -Graduate vampire school
   -Be over 18
   -Be under 35
   -Find a vampire to bite and then train you.

Vampire school is neat. It's a whole year (usually starting in September) where you go to a place to learn about vampire allergies, powers, strengths, weakness, and eating habits. Everybody at least onces has to have gone to someplace, like a hospital, or the House, to know what it's like to be... um, eaten, I guess. I dunno. Since the transition (nice name of vampires taking over) anybody who gets turned gets their left arm tattooed with their sire's mark. That means it's a V with the vampire's design or what ever around it. Oh. N's are colored in now. However I want. It shall confuse them all, muahaha! Anyway I'd write more, but I kinda don't wanna write about it any more. I don't wanna go to math. Yick. If I could not take one more class, it would be math. Yeah. Math suck. Other than my brilliant amazing awesome work on blood/poison ratios, I don't think I'm going to become a mathmetitian. Yeah. I'm no Turing. And I'm not gay. A lot of them seemed to be a little frooty. 'Cept for Nightengale. She's cool. Mass convultions strick the choior by the grace of god. But don't stop if I fall & don't look back oh baby don't stop bury me and fade to black. She won't stop me put it down she won't stop me put it down she won't stop me put it down so gra your gun and meet me by the door. I ❤ that song. I ❤ my chemical romance and I TOTALLY Gerard ❤ ❤ Way!! ❤

THE END!