Friendship, what does it really mean? Is it something that is created between two people, or is it something that is instilled by people? Can we be friends with someone without actually being friends? If so are they really our friends? I ask myself these questions everyday and every night; and I never really understand what my head comes up with.
	Some of you have known me for a really long time, others I have just met; but that doesn’t matter to me I value all my friends the same way: with respect and honesty. I am always reaching out to new people, making myself available to anyone or anything that might be interested. I’m always down for trying new things. This may seem like nonsensical rambling but there’s a point and a purpose.
	Over the past year I have seen many new sides of the people that I call my friends, and some of them are new and interesting, others scary and dangerous. Since I moved to San Jose I’ve have a more open look on things, run into my own problems. Some would say I’m more reclusive now than I ever have been. Others will say that I am more confrontational, and have trouble dealing with problems. Well most of that is true. I have gone to see some doctors and started taking medicine to help me deal with it but it doesn’t seem to be working.
	This leads to my problem, a problem that I have had lurking inside my head since high school, that I do not know how to solve or manage. I have no real idea who my true friends are and those that are just pretending to be friends because its convenient for them because of a girlfriend, roommate, best friends, social gathering etc… So I would like to know who actually wants to be my friend and who just wants to play nice to make interacting easier. I will not look down on you for anything that you say or do. I will not hold it against you; I just really need to know.
	To those that have do call themselves my friends if you ever have/had a problem with me please come to me and tell me it. Do not bury it and hope that it will go away. If I do things that piss you off tell me. If I say things that piss you off tell me. If I act in a way that is offensive to you tell me. But if you hide it from me then I would rather not be your friend anymore. I know a lot more than people think I do. I am a very perceptive person.  My birthday is coming up on Wednesday and frankly turning 23 is a lot scarier than I’d like. So to those that are my friends I look forward to seeing you, and to those that aren’t, well I do not want to see you again.
	I am sick and tired of dealing with people’s problems, If you have a problem with me tell me, If you have a problem with someone else take it up with them stop fucking hiding from your problems and just deal with it. So what if it sucks for one or two days. It will be over and then the rest of us won’t have to fucking deal with it. Because whether or not you’re aware of it your problems cause to get involved and we don’t want to be so stop being a fucking coward and face your problems. I am facing my problems right here and now.
 This may not be the most politically, socially or grammatically correct thing that you have ever read but it’s what I feel and I need to get it out there. This is also the only way I know to say this, but right now I need some friends and I need less bitching and complaining to me. If you can’t say something nice then say something honest and if you can’t say something honest then don’t fucking say anything at all.