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Dinosaur

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Dinosaur
Mar 11th, 2012
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  1. bind pub o|o ^ks proc_kicks
  2. bind pub o|o ^kbs proc_kickbans
  3. bind pub o|o ^DECAPITATION proc_decap
  4. bind pub -|- ^DICEDUEL proc_duel
  5. bind pub o|o ^LAZOR proc_lazor
  6. bind pub o|o ^GOATSE proc_goatse
  7. bind pub o|o ^DERP proc_derp
  8. bind pub -|- ^DINO proc_dino
  9. bind pub -|- ^NOTION proc_not
  10. bind pub -|- ^gayfor proc_gay
  11. bind pub -|- ^RAEPLOL proc_raeplol
  12. bind pub o|o ^LOVE proc_love
  13. bind pub o|o ^MORDOR proc_mord
  14. bind pub o|o ^BEARTRAP proc_bear
  15. bind pub o|o ^HUH_ proc_huh
  16. bind pub o|o ^SAS proc_sas
  17. bind pub o|o ^DICKINBUTT proc_dib
  18. bind pub o|o ^COCKS proc_cocks
  19.  
  20. proc proc_kicks { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  21. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Methods are \: \002 ^DECAPITATION ^DICEDUEL ^LAZOR ^GOATSE ^DERP ^SAS ^DICKINBUTT \002"
  22. }
  23.  
  24. proc proc_kickbans { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  25. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Methods are \: \002 ^RAEP ^MORDOR ^BEARTRAP ^HUH_ ^COCKS \002"
  26. }
  27.  
  28. proc proc_dib { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  29. global botnick
  30. if {[onchan $text]} {
  31. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  32. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :8:::::::::D~~~$text"
  33. putquick "KICK $chan $text :Eat my love juice"
  34. putquick "INVITE $text $chan" }
  35. }
  36.  
  37. proc proc_sas { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  38. global botnick
  39. if {[onchan $text]} {
  40. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  41. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :This is $text http://imgur.com/Hsmxw"
  42. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Roses are grey, Violets are grey"
  43. putquick "KICK $chan $text :$botnick hates socks and sandals"}
  44. }
  45.  
  46. proc proc_raep { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  47. global botnick
  48. if {[onchan $text]} {
  49. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  50. set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
  51. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032RAEP unzips pants......."
  52. putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
  53. putquick "KICK $chan $text :You have been brutally raeped by RAEP"
  54. after 2000
  55. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032I think he died"
  56. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
  57. }
  58.  
  59. proc proc_cocks { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  60. global botnick
  61. if {[onchan $text]} {
  62. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  63. set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
  64. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :COCKS."
  65. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :http://i.imgur.com/ddse1.gif"
  66. after 3000
  67. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\00316Do you like the cocks?"
  68. after 5000
  69. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034We know you do"
  70. putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
  71. putquick "KICK $chan $text :Lolcocks"
  72. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
  73. }
  74.  
  75. proc proc_mord { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  76. global botnick
  77. if {[onchan $text]} {
  78. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  79. set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
  80. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :YOU SHALL NOT"
  81. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038FUCKING"
  82. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034\002PASS"
  83. after 500
  84. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\00316My precious"
  85. putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
  86. putquick "KICK $chan $text :Gandalf"
  87. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
  88. }
  89.  
  90. proc proc_dino { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  91. global botnick
  92. if {$nick == "Dinosaur"} {
  93. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002Dinosaur is pretty damn fucking awesome, I do declare. Tally ho!!"
  94. after 3000
  95. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :RAWR, \0032Oh how dubious!!!"
  96. after 3000
  97. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0038NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM"
  98. after 3000
  99. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Cuntmuffins for everybody!"
  100. after 3000
  101. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002You may now return to your regularly scheduled bullshit c:"
  102. after 3000
  103. if {$text == ""} {return 0} else {
  104. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0022Oh yes, $text is also a gigantic cockfag"
  105. }
  106. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :YOU ARE NOT DINOSAAAUUUWWWW" }
  107. }
  108.  
  109. proc proc_gay { nick uhost hand chan args } {
  110. global botnick
  111. set nick1 { lindex $args 0 }
  112. set nick2 { lindex $args 1 }
  113. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0032$nick1 is gay for $nick2"
  114. }
  115.  
  116. bind msg -|- ^dinotalk proc_dt
  117.  
  118. proc proc_dt { nick uhost hand text } {
  119. global botnick
  120. if {$nick == "Dinosaur"} {
  121. putquick "PRIVMSG #BSAnonymous :\002\0034$text"
  122. }
  123. else {
  124. putquick "PRIVMSG $nick :YOU ARE NOT DINOSAAAAUUUWWWWW"}
  125. }
  126. proc proc_love { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  127. global botnick
  128. if {$nick == "RAEP"} {
  129. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002RAEP, you are similar to something that is defined as good."
  130. after 3000
  131. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032May a squadron of vaginas find their way to your vagina by day's end"
  132. after 3000
  133. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0022Love Dinosaur <3333"
  134. }
  135. elseif {$nick == "Dinosaur"} {
  136. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002RAEP, you are similar to something that is defined as good."
  137. after 3000
  138. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032May a squadron of vaginas find their way to your vagina by day's end"
  139. after 3000
  140. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0022Love Dinosaur <3333"
  141. }
  142. else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034YOU ARE NOT RAEP \>\:\(\(\(" }
  143. }
  144.  
  145. proc proc_not { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  146. global botnick
  147. if {$nick == "Notion"} {
  148. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002LOVE MEH BITCHEZZZZZZZZZZ"
  149. after 3000
  150. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0034Notion <3"
  151. if {$text == ""} {return 0} else {
  152. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0022Notion loves $text"
  153. }
  154. if {$nick == "Dinosaur"} {
  155. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002LOVE MEH BITCHEZZZZZZZZZZ"
  156. after 3000
  157. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0034Notion <3"
  158. if {$text == ""} {return 0} else {
  159. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0022Notion is totally gay for Huh_"
  160. }
  161. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :Notion? You are not Notion" }
  162. }
  163.  
  164.  
  165. proc proc_bear { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  166. global botnick
  167. if {[onchan $text]} {
  168. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  169. set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
  170. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$nick places beartraps in a circle around $chan, to keep $text out"
  171. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034$text will now leave voluntarily. In 20 seconds."
  172. after 20000
  173. putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
  174. putquick "KICK $chan $text :I told you not to stand on the beartraps"
  175. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
  176. }
  177.  
  178. proc proc_huh { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  179. global botnick
  180. if {[onchan $text]} {
  181. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  182. set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
  183. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Huh_ hears $nick's pleas, and banishes the fuck out of $text"
  184. after 200
  185. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Seriously Huh_'s awesome"
  186. putquick "PRIVMSG $text :Join #getyourfreeunban to be unbanned"
  187. putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
  188. putquick "KICK $chan $text :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huh_\(god\)"
  189. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
  190. }
  191.  
  192. proc proc_decap { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  193. global botnick
  194. if {[onchan $text]} {
  195. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  196. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$text is decapitated"
  197. putquick "KICK $chan $text :It's only temporary"
  198. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
  199. }
  200.  
  201. proc proc_duel { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  202. global botnick
  203. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$botnick does not offer this service currently."
  204. # if {[onchan $text]} {
  205. # if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  206. # set dice {expr { rand() }}
  207. # putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Rolling dice"
  208. # if {dice <=0.50} {duel = 1}
  209. # else {duel = 2}
  210. # after 2000
  211. # if {duel = 1} then {
  212. # putquick "KICK $chan $text :You lost"
  213. # }
  214. # elseif {duel = 2} then {
  215. # putquick "KICK $chan $nick :You lost"
  216. # }
  217. #}
  218. # } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
  219. }
  220.  
  221. proc proc_lazor { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  222. global botnick
  223. if {[onchan $text]} {
  224. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  225. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0034Charging.........\003"
  226. after 2000
  227. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0034Charging.........\003"
  228. after 2000
  229. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0038Charging.........\003"
  230. after 2500
  231. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0038Charging.........\003"
  232. after 3000
  233. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0033Charged :D\003"
  234. putquick "KICK $chan $text :LAAAZZZZOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
  235. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
  236. }
  237.  
  238. proc proc_goatse { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  239. global botnick
  240. if {[onchan $text]} {
  241. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  242. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$botname applies gloves\003
  243. putquick "KICK $chan $text :Tears $text a new asshole on his chest"
  244. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
  245. }
  246.  
  247. proc proc_derp { nick uhost hand chan text } {
  248. global botnick
  249. if {[onchan $text]} {
  250. if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
  251. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Lol- Derp$text\003"
  252. after 500
  253. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032I wrote you a poem, Derp$text\003"
  254. after 500
  255. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032Lemme find it...\003"
  256. after 1000
  257. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\002\0038FOUND IT!\003"
  258. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Clears throat\003"
  259. after 4000
  260. putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0033Roses are Red, violets are blue, I'm gonna fuck you with a rake\003"
  261. putquick "KICK $chan $text :I hope you enjoyed it Derp$text. \0032I wrote it myself"
  262. } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
  263. }
  264.  
  265. putlog "my large anus is loaded"
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