Thread 92: Stories 31-45

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NC
>Ah' know, let's play hoof paper sizzors, Ah' choose hoof. Hoof beats hoof, by the by.

[Bullshit!]

'Whelp, it's Spike's time to shine! I choose paper!'

>Hoof mashes paper.

'That's not how it's supposed to work! Paper covers hoof!'

>...So? What's that gonna do against a hoof. Oh no! Paper! That's the worst! Not paper!

'So, what should I have chosen!?'

>Scissors, obviously. That would... ya' know, kinda hurt.

'Bullshit, hoof breaks scissors!'

>Now that's ridiculous. Sure, AH' could probably break steel with mah' bare hoof, but that ain't fair ta' someone like Rarity.

"EAT ME!"

>And even then, ya' just gotta point the sharp part at me. That ain't gonna go well.

'B-but! But you-I-this isn't-'

>Motion carries-

[GET THE DAMN HAT!]

>Fine, fine... cheaters.

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OOCO
>OO7
"???"
~~~~~
"Important?"

A lot can be conveyed with very little, Seven was rapidly noticing. When one only has so many ways to put something, they made due with the little they have. Much like how a child would keep saying "Me this" or "me that", it was not that they didn't understand what they were asking, they merely had precious few ways to vocalize it

He did not blame them for their simplicity, nor did he hold it against them. After all, this must be confusing to them, strange and alien to have all these new thoughts and emotions, how could he hold it against them?

>Yes, Blossom, it's important.

The creature underneath his ministrations seemed pacified by this. It was strange, especially to someone like him, that anyone or anything could be so accepting considering what he was doing to them. How could they, little more than animals, truly grasp just what it was he was doing? What they were becoming? What they were understanding?

How could they, when even he didn't understand that, if he was being honest?

>It's important, more important than anything...

Which is why it hurt so much when, once again he had hit a wall. He had managed to circumvent the others, but this one...

This one was not one he could tread lightly.

>...thank you, Blossom, you've been good. Go and get a treat.

The creature beneath his gaze shuffled back into the darkness, only the glowing green orbs of her eyes visible until she was gone.

So trusting, no fear... Something else.

He couldn't just ram at this next problem head on, he needed to be smart about this, or else run real risks.

He was going to, as loath as he was to admit it... Need some help.

>...Buttercup?

She shifted behind him, never having left his side. Of course not, she was waiting, of course.

And he was happy to oblige her.

>...how would you like to meet an old aquaintance of mine? You'll like her, she's quite fiery...

Waiting to share in when his grin turned feral.

>...And very, very smart...

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>AJ
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
[Poindexter]
{Rarity}
(Spike)
~Fluttershy~
~~~~

>THIS IS GOING TERRIBLY!

To say Applejack was underselling it would, itself, be underselling it. A true matryoshka doll of lack of selling it, to undersell it further.

The only thing not undersold was the barrage of giant projectiles that constantly rained down upon the 'heroes', there is no planet on which that could be undersold.

They were as subtle as a brick made of lava and a chunk of a glacier.

"This is all your fault, Poindexter!"

'Yeah! I blame you!'

The nerdy, no longer tall and powerful pony took it well, he felt.

Blowing a raspberry at the rainbow maned and pink bubblegum mares was totally mature.

[You joined in too, Applejack, Spike.]

"Yeah! It's their fault!"

>TRAITOR!

"Hey, for once we can't trace this back to me, I'm relishing in it!"

{Hey! They merely pointed out the obvious, it was obviously that ghastly thing escalating matters again!}

(Like she always does!)

{Literally always!}

"I'm down with shifting blame to them."

'Is it because you just realized your birthday is coming up?'

"...No..."

~Um, this isn't helping.~

>We ain't helpin', we're venting!

~Oh... this isn't constructive venting.~

"Do I look like I'm constructive!?"

'Yeah! Dashie is as nonconstructive as you get!'

"...Pinkie, there's a line between helping and hurting, and you have crossed it."

'I know, that's why I'm going to keep going and see what happens.'

~We should just go team up and-~

[ENOUGH! Let's just wait for Shining to fix everything, he's good at that.]

{...he said, to the ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!}

"Who have saved the world A LOT."

'While Shiny HAS NOT!'

>...Except for that one time he saved our bacon, but that was kinda his fault.

'WHOA! HOLD UP!'

~Applejack! Don't victim-blame!~

>...sorry.

[Fine, let me rephrase that, let's just wait for Twilight to go fix everything, she's good at that.]

>...

(I hate you so much right now.)

[Because I'm wrong?]

(...)

[Thought so.]


~It's nothing like you're making it out to be, we're important, which is why we should all go-~

{Well fine, let's all just sit around and wait for the IMPORTANT princess to go save everything, AGAIN!}

"And then maybe, at best, join in on a power move."

>Again...

(And I'll stand off to the sidelines... again.)

'OR! ORRRRRR!... We can go team up and be cool? Like, mega combo cool!'

>...Yeah, that sounds smart.

"Great idea!"

{Simply marvelous!}

(Wish I had thought of that!)

[We're just not as quick on the draw, I guess.]

~....Seriously?~

"Did you say something, Fluttershy?"

~...You all or so lucky Hats can't read my mind.~

'Why's that?'

~Because then this would be like one of my japoneighs shows.~

>...Ah' don't watch that crap.

"NEEERRRRDDDDD!"

'I liked the one with the kitty!'

{Simply uncultured.}

(...Poindexter? Why are you so pale?)

[N-no reason...]

~...~

[...no reason...]

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>Guard
"Changeling"
~~~

>It's just bullshit, you know?

"Give it up, man."

>If I had the power to literally wave my hoof and destroy shit, I would!

"Give it uppppp."

>Just... fucking FWOOSH! THOOM THOOM THOOM I'M A FUCKING GIANT AND I'M GONNA BEAT YOU! Or you don't even have to do that! Just LOOKING at them is enough to kill the robots!

"Give. It. Up."

>...I wanna be a superpony.

"...me too."

>...

"..."

*Bro-hoof*

>Sadness.

"The universal language."

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 OOCO

>AJ
“Celestia”
‘Shiny’
~~

>Third day now, Shinin’.

‘Really? Day three? Had no clue. Thanks for the update, AJ.’

>That sarcasm there, it almost burns.

‘You know what burns worse? Feeling the covers get whipped off your body seconds before you're booty-bumped off the bed and to the floor. That? That's what burns.’

“Bubblehorse? You know you could, uh… ask them to share more of the bed? You do know that’s an option right? Sharing?”

‘It’s an option that gets drowned out almost instantly by the sound of their pleasant yet vociferous snoring. And really, who can disturb that?’

>Ah’ could.

‘The addendum to that is the asker has to have a sympathetic heart, one you are notoriously bereft of at times, AJ.’

>Meh. Sleep’s important, s’all Ah’m sayin’.

‘I know.’

“And don’t get me wrong, bubblehorse, because I love seeing you every other morning in our bathroom like we’re on the set of a porn movie-”

>Bad image! Baaaad image!

“-it’s just… stallion hair. Everywhere.”

‘…’

>An’ ya done used mah’ brush so much Ah’ got strands of blue in mah’ mane, boy.

‘…’

“…So Cadance can’t balance a kingdom for beans but she apparently excels at picking up after the king of said kingdom.”

‘…She usually does my hair, gets it just right. I'm a guard, a ruler, not a stylist.’

>So is that why y’all sometimes walk ‘round here with pigtails an’ other stupid hairstyles?

‘…I love my wife.’

>Ah’ bet.

“But seriously, I’ve already got enough of your hair for the Shiny shrine in my closet, you can start picking up after yourself now.”

‘…’

>…

“Kidding.”

‘About which part?’

“The first. Pick up your hair.”

‘Dang!’

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
[18]
{42}
~Cadence~
(Twilight)
~~~~~~

While some might imagine that the shared love between all of the other group, and there was no denying there was love to spare on that side, would bring them together in any time of crisis, would allow them to join and look out for the other and defend the other no matter what the threat and stand as one... the reality was slightly different.

Not to say they were not joined together, oh no, they were joined alright, but more in the 'huddled together to hide from the storm' type.

More specifically, 'huddled together behind a certain one of their group.'

"THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE!"

It was not the one who normally used shields.

'You're the only one big enough to cover us!'

"YOU'RE AS BIG AS ME!"

'Ah ah! I'm just a little shorter than you, remember?'

"BY INCHES!"

'Inches make all the difference, isn't that right Shiny?'

>...Wait, what?

(WHAT!?)

~AUNTIE CELESTIA!~

'I'm just saying!'

~You're making it sound like he's small!~

>I'm not.

"He's not."

[Haven't gotten exact measurements, but pretty sure he's not.]

{I have, and he's not.}

(WHATWHATWHAT!?)

~Whoa, when!?~

{We spar all the time, of course I would get a reference eventually.}

~Oh, that makes sense.~

>I'm not small!

~No, no no honey, you're not.~

'Unless we're talking about in comparison to me or Chrysalis.'

(WWWWHAT!?)

"Well, okay, that ones fair, but come the fuck on."

'I'm just saying!'

>Well, I mean, okay, I'm not big to you guys, but-

"Plenty big compared to other stallions though."

'By a few inches.'

(WHAAAAAAT!?)

>HEY!

'What did I start this with? Trust me, a few inches makes ALL the difference!'

>Still.

'Oh, Shiny, I didn't mean it like that, I meant it in the good way. Trust me... trust me on this, you are more than big enough for me.'

>Awww, I-

(WILL YOU ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT SHINY'S DICK!?)

>"'[{~...Wait, WHAT!?~}]'"

"Who the fuck was talking about his dick!?"

'We were talking about his HEIGHT!'

~SERIOUSLY!~

[That's just... how did you even get that!?]

{What made you think I've MEASURED HIS DICK WHILE SPARRING!? That doesn't even....}

[Oop, her brain has figred out the particulars of it and-]

{Nggh.}

[There it goes.]

~TWILIGHT! I'm so embarrassed!~

(...U-uuhhh-)

[Waaaait wait wait wait... is nobody else going to question why, when connecting inches to Shiny, SHE is the only one who thought about dick size?]

"...Huh. That does seem like a me thing, doesn't it?"

'Quite bizarre...'

(...)

"...His dick is huge if that's what you-"

(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

"You brought it up."

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OOCO
>AJ
“56”
‘Chrysalis’
~~~~

>PUT IT DOWN YA IDGIT!

“NUH!”

>AH SAID DOWN! NOW!

“NUUUH!”

>Why you little… there’s only one way down this hall, sugarcube, an’ it’s past me. So what say y’all jus’ put the cup nice’n easy like….

“Just one sip! Not-mom’s always drinkin’ it and now I wanna know what it tastes like!”

>Ah’ said no! Yer’ too young tuh’ be handlin’ stuff like that an’ iffin’ yer’ not-mom found out she’d-

‘Be totally fine with it.’

>Say wuh?

“Not-mom!”

‘Quiet you. So, appleass, he wants to try some coffee, eh?’

>Ah’… yeah, but Ah’ told him no. It already makes you act ten kinds of apple, Ah’ don’t wanna know what it does to someone already hyper out the rear.

‘HA! For such a proclaimed family mare with a sister, you don’t know much about getting little idiots to not do something, do you?’

>Beg pardon?

‘Watch and learn, cowgirl. …First, are we sure that’s coffee in his cup?’

>Ah’ couldn’t tell ya, honestly. Alls Ah’ saw was this little nimrod shoot off like a bat outta Tartarus leakin’ coffee beans.

‘Hm. So, rump ranger 56… you really want to try some coffee?’

“Yeah!”

‘You reeeeeeally want to?’

“Yesyesyesyesyes!”

‘Then come over here next to your not-momma. I want to see your first sip up close.’

“Yaaaaay!”

>…An’ jus’ what in the hell are y’all plan-

‘Don’t mind the silly apple, 56. Go ahead and blow off that steam, make sure it’s not to hot.’

“Okay!”

‘Good. Now then… ready?’

“Ready!”

‘Go ahead.’

*sssssip!*

>…

‘…’

“Aaaah… that… that tastes good! Really good! LikesogoodIcouldgoforanothercupnowaitmakethattenmorecupsandthenIcouldgiveacuptoTwoandthenwecouldbothruntothenearestmountainandsingsongsofoldand-"

*THOCK!*

*thud*

‘And that’s enough of that.’

>…Okay so what the fuck was that all about? Why’d y’all let him drink it if you were jus’ gonna knock him out right after?!

‘What? The only way for some younglings to learn is through trial and error. Obviously 56 can’t handle the bean right now so at least now he knows if he drinks it, that’s a swift chop to the neck.’

>…

‘What?’

>Ah’m startin’ tuh’ see why y’alls race didn’t quite pan out so well.

‘HA!’

“Zzzzz….”

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 >Pinkie
"AJ"
~~~~~

>Didn't work?

"AT LEAST AH' TRIED!"

>Well, I was gonna try to fight him with oil, cause water and fire haha, but then I thought 'that's really dumb, nobody would do that.'

"..."

>And then... you did that.

"...Ah' thought it was like... a riddle."

>He's a mountain of hate who throws stuff, I don't think he's overly complicated.

"...Ah' don't like bein' on this side o' common sense."

>Yeah, looks pretty bad.

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>Annnd, that didn't work either.

"AH'M TRYIN'!'

>You realize how weird this is, right? This isn't me just being Pinkie?

"Look, it made sense! Iffin' ya' go for the legs, his stability is compromised!"

>Makes sense.

"And his head is gripped ta' his neck!"

>Accurate, if a little... obvious?

"Just like an apple!"

>...

"So Ah' just-"

>Stop.

"...But Ah'-"

>Just stop.

"..."

>...Applebucking does not solve all life's problems.

"GASP! Yer' lyin'! Stop lyin'! WHAT MAKES YOU LIEEEE!?:

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>Sombra
"Pommel"

The fighting had been fierce, merciless, and rather obnoxiously drawn out in some cases. But at long last the day was won, Guards and Changelings standing tall over the rebellious bots and their miniature masters. Triumphantly, the guard captain removed his helmet...

And nearly fell against the nearest wall.

"What. A. Day."

>Ahem.

"Hm?"

>Pardon my intrusion, sir, but I'd like to thank you for your asisstance in ending this menace.

"Thanks, we would have been here sooner but...well it's a long story."

>I've had quite my fill of stories today, believe you me.

"Huh?"

>Nothing nothing, but I suppose that's why I'm here...

"Yes?"

>I'm here to turn myself in as the cause of this nonsense. I'm afraid an enchantment I intended to enhance a story went horribly awry.

"O-oh...well I mean, thanks for coming forward about this..."

>Rest assured after I've confirmed Two's safety I will report right back to you for a summary trip to the dungeon for sentencing.

"Wait what?"

>Well it'd set a bad example for Two if I just pranced about free after all this. I'll take whatever punishment the Princesses see fit if they don't extradite me to the Empire. I'd prefer a time-based punishment over monetary restitution if that could influence things at all. I no longer have a King's coffers to draw from but I think it's obvious time is something I have an abundance of.

"I see."

>Is there a problem?

"Oh no no, go right ahead, I'll let the other guards know about the situation."

>Lovely, good day, captain.

"...ok, why is it the guy who DOESN'T have some crazy alibi or secret government get out of jail free card that's weird to me at this point!?"

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'Shadow Cadence'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I'm not actually in this scene!

"Auntie Luna?"

[I'm not your aunt.]
Shadow Cadence yanks her sword whip back cackling.

'You want in on this number too?'

[Yes. Your numbering is up.]

'...wait what?'

[LUNAR SWORD MISSILE!]
Luna's sword flies at Shadow Cadence, but she manages to catch it with her sword whip.

[Cadence, this creature was born from your sub-concious. You must be the one who defeats it.]

"How?!"

[You must-]
Luna gets stabbed in the throat by her own sword. STATUS: MUTE
'Let's not ruin the fun just yet.'
The sword whip breaks apart flying around aggressively until the blade pieces cut into Luna and shred her to chunks. What's left of Luna falls with a thump and fades away into dust.

"L...Luna? ...No...NO!"

Shadow Cadence chuckles as her sword whip comes back together.
'Don't worry. You're ne-'
She gets hit by an arrow.
'Gugh'

"LOVELY ARROW BARRAGE!"
Shadow Cadence is surrounded by bows and they all fire arrows into her repeatedly, turning her into a pin cushion. Cadence follows up by stabbing shadow cadence with Luna's sword, which had turned pink. The moon insignia turns into a heart and Cadence whispers.
"...lovely finish."
She slashes upward and after a brief moment Shadow Cadence is vaporized in a pillar of light.
'You're...not...worthless...'

Cadence is alone once again.
"...I'm sorry Auntie Luna. This is all my-"

A door opens and Luna enters.

Door shuts and disappears.

"B-but I just saw you die!"

[You don't exactly die in the dream world. You just wake up. Besides, this is my domain. It would be quite embarrassing if I actually did die in the waking world as a result. I see you face yourself and won. Good. Now come. Let's go find the other pinks.]

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 >Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~

>So... we... won?

"Yep."

>We actually like... beat the invasion?

"Seems like it."

>Us, not... not like someone else coming in to do it for us?

"Well, buncha others helped, but for the most part yeah?"

>...Not a super princess, or an all powerful being, or a magic necklace? We're the ones who defeated the invasion.

"That is correct, yeah."

>...

"..."

>...I don't know how to feel about this.

"Is this really that weird?"

>YES! YES THIS IS THAT WEIRD!

"Oh, uh..."

>...

"...Huh."

>WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ONNNN!?

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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Two'
~Coltsly~
~~~~~

"Oh hey! The robots stopped! We won! YAY!"

'YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY WAY TA' GO SOMBY!'

>Y-yaayyy...

~Erm... are you... okay?~

>Oh, me? F-fiiiiine, everything is just... fiiiiine... totally fine.

~Okay, I'm not a doctor, but you should be... well, dead. Let's put this nicely, you should be dead.~

>But I'm not!

~You are not... I hope. To be frank if we have to deal with zombies again, I quit.~

"Quit what?"

~Life. Just... I quit life.~

>...I see dead ponies.

"That's nice, Acty!"

~Thanks for protecting my workers, by the way! Really do appreciate it.~

>Oh cooooursh... used to be a guard you know!

~Oh, really? What happened?~

>Resigned cause I'm... I'm just kinda... woo, that is some fun times.

~Oh hell.~

THUMP!

~Please still be conscious please still be conscious-~

>STILL BREATHIN' BABY!

~YAY!~

"..."

'...'

~I mean, oh crap we should probably get him to a hospital.~

"Yeah, we should do that."

~...Now?~

"I was kinda hoping you had, like, a robo stretcher that could pick him up without moving his head. That's bad, I heard."

~You heard correctly! But, uh...~

"..."

~...The robo-stretcher was the one who kicked him in the groin.~

"Ah."

~I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYY!~

'...Somby tells some really great stories.'

~I'M SO SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!~

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 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

>Okay, so... you used to be Ice Witch, what is his weakness?

"Fire!"

>...

"No, wait... like, hot ice?"

>...

"Maybeeee... the power of love? I say power of love! Let's make some love right now-"

>YES! YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES-

"..."

>...You meant the power beam thing, didn't you?

"..."

>...Can... can we-

"Obviously not right now."

>...but laaaatttterrrrr?

"We'll see."

>...This is because I screamed like that, isn't it?

"It is."

>CURSE MY HUBRRIIISSSSSS!

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>Spitfire
"Sunset"
~~~~

>...

"First off, how-"

>I DON'T KNOW!

"-Second off, I'm sure there's a perfect rational, acceptable answer for this."

>Oh yeah, absolutely. Was there ever any doubt as to there being a reasonable explanation?

"Never once!"

>I mean, there's got to be a hundred reasons why they have a fuckhuge bed.

"A million, even! Like.... One of them toss and turn... A lot?"

>So much tossing and turning, I bet.

"Flop around like a beached fish, which explains all those indents."

>Obviously. If you had a bed this huge, you'd sleep on a different spot every night too.

"Just for the fun of it!"

>And the different colored hair is because... They had to combine sheets!

"Of course! So obvious! No way did this start out one big sheet, no way! Nobody makes sheets this big!"

>Nobody! Yep, this is clearly...

"What?"

>... I shouldn't say.

"We already somehow ended up in the royal bedroom-BY accident I need to stress- I think I'm up for anything."

>...do not ask me how I know this, I will punch you if you ask me how I know this, but that indent on the right? The reeeeealy big one?

"Yeah?"

>...that's princess Celestia.

"..."

>...

"....C-... Celestia-Celestia? Not-"

>No.

"You sure? That other indent is just as big-"

>That one is different.

"..."

>...Just for the record, I still am not, and will not, questioning this. I. Don't. Care.

"Oh yeah, totally... Me too..."

>...

"...he really never even asked you to-"

>NO.

"Didn't even imply-"

>NOO!

"... Did... Did you get the super supernatural urge to-"

>Stop.

"..."

>...lets get out if here before someone notices.

"R-right, probably looks bad. After you?"

>...

"... Not even a knowing wink-"

>NOOOOOOOOO!

"Just checking."

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