Random /mlp/ stories

RANDOM STORIES!
1. Winter Fuck Up
2. Toasterdick
3. Mangos are Good!
4. Starry Skies Plays!
5. Snapshot and Starry Skies
6. Flare In: Spontaneous Combustion
7. Bangity Bang
8. The Accident
--------------------
WINTER FUCK UP

>"Three months of winter coolness... And awesome holidays!"
>Oh god no
>"We've kept our hoofsies warm at home, tied off from work to play..."
>Fuck, how do you get outta here?
>"But the food we've stored is runnin' out, and we can't grow in this cold..."
>Shit, they're looking at you!
"Uhhhh. My dick is really kinda' soft and it's getting pretty old?"
>Hopefully that worked.
>Shit, they're glaring at you!
>"The time has come to welcome spring, and all things warm and green, but it's also time to say goodbye... It's winter we must clean..."
>This is getting really awkward...
>All this snow looks like jizz...
>Ew.
>"How can I help? I'm new, you see What does everypony do? How do I fit in without magic? I haven't got a clue!"
>Everyone breaths in
>Oh shit! Chorus time!
"Splinter crap up, splinter crap up!"
>"Winter wrap up, winter wrap up!"
>No wait... They were right...
"Let me finish in this sock here!"
>"Let's finish this holiday cheer!"
>Oh fuck. Everyone is glaring at you.
>God damn you are horny.
>"Cause tomorrow spring is here, cause tomorrow spring is here!"
>This is girly as all hell.
>Pegasus solo
>Why can't Rainbow Dash do all this shit. She's the fastest fucker around here anyways.
>Yeah sure. 'WE' move the clouds while you're just being a lazy cunt.
>And now they are looking at the sun directly.
>Fucking idiots.
>Uh oh. Another deep breath.
"Winter wrap up, winter wrap up!"
>Hey, you got it!
>Oh shit. You're part.
"Little niggers hide and wait... For the fuzz to rate..."
>FUCK
>Screw this
>You're out.
"I'm fucking done!"
>Everyone looks at you as you throw a bird out of its' little tree nest and crawl inside
"The fuck ya'll looking at? Can't a man sleep in his nest?"
------------------------------------------------------------
TOASTERDICK

>Once upon a time... In a town called Ponyville...
"Twilight!"
>Twilight Sparkle was once an ordinary over powered character with shitloads of friends.
"Hey Twilight!"
>Now she was in a tree house, trying to get to sleep.
"God damnit Twi! I need help!"
>Twilight Sparkle cannot sleep, because of a certain someone banging at the door
>Twilight grinds her teeth together in exasperation.
"Twiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiight!"
>The front window slams open and Twilight looks down tiredly at the frustrated human.
>"Grrrr. By Celestia Anon it is two o'clock in the morning! What the buck do you want?!"
"I got my dick stuck in the toaster!"
>Twilight sighs
>"The door's unlocked, Anon. Come on in..."
"Thanks Twilight!"
>Twilight walks downstairs just as Anon is about to sit on the couch
>"Oh no Anon. You aren't sitting on the couch with your... buttocks... exposed like that..."
>Anon puts on a pouty face
"But Twilight! My dick is stuck in a-"
>"Yes! I know your dick is stuck in a toaster!"
>Twilight thinks for a moment
>"How did you get your dick stuck in a toaster anyways?"
>Anon taps his finger against his chin
"Well I was horny, and I'm the only human in Equestria. I was also tired. So the toaster slot kinda looked like a-"
>Twilight sighs, interrupting him
>"Yes Anon. I understand."
>With a pop and a purple flash, the toaster appears on the floor
>Anon pulls up his pants and moves to pat Twilight's head
>"No, Anon."
"Well you're the best, Twilight."
>"Thanks, Anon. Now get out of my house."
>And that concludes our tale of how Twilight Sparkle got Anon's dick out of the toaster.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MANGOES ARE GOOD!

>Day "Dude what is this stuff" in Equestria
>Be Starlight
>You're here chilling with Speck and Morning Glory
>Speck is completely gone
>Morning Glory is just staring at Speck
>"Dude... Your wings look like bat wings..."
>Haha what
>"Yeah Morning... I know... I know..."
>Wow. Speck's wings do look like bat wings
"Hey wait... Speck's right!"
>"I didn't say anything Starlight..."
>Oh right...
"Hey wait... Morning's right! Speck's wings do look like bat wings!"
>You here Speck snort
>She looks at you with half-lidded eyes
>"That's cause I am a bat, dummy."
>Wait a minute...
"Morning... You're a bat too!"
>"We're all bats in this world Star... We're all bats..."
>Morning is right
>You're a bat!
"Screeeeeeeeeeee-"
>"Shut up!"
>"Jeez Starlight that hurts my ears!"
>Oops
"But I thought bats do that..."
>Morning snorts
>"Yeah, but we're bat PONIES..."
>Oh...
"So does that mean I can't suck blood."
>Speck pulls a mango out of her mane
>"Nah... Mangoes are better anyways..."
>She sticks her fangs in it and starts sucking the juice
>How did she pull a mango out of her mane?
>Hey wait...
>You stick a hoof in your mane in pull out a mango
"Woah... We're MAGICAL bat ponies..."
>Morning Glory starts snoring
>Speck is eating the mango
>You stick your fangs in the mango and suck the juice
"Mangos are gooooooood..."
--------------------------------------------------------------
STARRY SKIES PLAYS!

"Bye Anon! I'm going to the park!"
>Anon smiles at you and waves as he closes the door, slowly
>"Alright! Be back when the sun starts to rise!"
"Byeeeee!"
>You turn around when the door completely shuts, leaving your freshly mowed lawn and skipping onto the street
>Looking both ways reveals several of your neighbors walking down the street
>You promised Heartbeat that you'd play with her yesterday
>She was your best friend!
>Fairylights was pretty cool too, but you really liked Heartbeat more
>You skipped down the street to the nearby park
>You passed that weird smelling place called 'The Rusty Greaves'
>It smelled like Anon's breath when he came home from a bad day at work
>He usually fell asleep afterwards
>You see Heartbeat waving at you with Fairylights by her side near the merry go round
>"Hiya Starry!"
>"Hey Skies"
"Hi Heartbeat! Hey Fairylights!"
>"So what're we gonna do?"
>Fairylights looks around
>"There aren't a lot of ponies here... Tag?"
>You hum
"No using wings this time though! Fairylights isn't that good of a flyer."
>Heartbeat snorts
>"None of us are good at flying yet! I mean... Look at our wings! They're sooooo tiny..."
>She's right
>You can hover in midair for at most a minute
>Heartbeat can fly around some, but she gets tired really fast
>Fairylights can barely hover at all, but her parents spoil her and she's lazy sometimes
"Tag it is then!"
>"Last to say Luna is it! Luna!"
"Luna!"
>"Luna!"
>Hah! Heartbeat is it!
>You and Fairylights squeal as Heartbeat steps forward, making a hissing sound
>"Run Starry, run!"
>You dash forward onto the merry go round as Fairy follows
"Don't follow me! You'll lead her here!"
>"I need to outrun you!"
"Ahhhhh!"
>You slide to a stop, letting Fairy dash ahead of, Heartbeat in tow
>"No fair!"
"All's fair in tag n' run!"
>You close your eyes and stick your tongue out at the two
>"Boop, you're it!"
"Dang it! Didn't see you!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
STARRY SKIES AND SNAPSHOT:
"So, you want to hear me tale, do ya?"
>The little filly, Starry Skies you think, nodded her head excitedly
>You chuckled
"Alrighty then! Just don't tell Anon I let you come in when I'm servin' alcohol, he'd throw a fit the dam- er... Darn creature would."
>Starry cocks her head
>"You don't need to hide your naughty words mister funny accent stallion! Anon says bad words all the time! Like... Shit and piss and fu-"
>You blush and stuff your hoof into the fillies mouth, keeping her from talking
"Alright t-that's enough of that now, y'hear? Ain't no sailor gonna be running 'er mouth when I'm around."
>The poor filly spits your hoof out, scrunching her muzzle in disgust
>"Okay!"
>Her mood immediately brightens, frowns turning into smiles
>Doesn't take much to impress a filly it seems
>You clear your throat and lean on the counter
"Now where was I, ah righty... My cutie mark."
>You grin and pull a bow and arrow from underneath your counter, surprising the filly before you
"Y'see. I used to be the best archer in Equestria!"
>You string an arrow and quickly fire, but the arrow misses its mark, hitting just below the bullseye
"Unfortunately. Depth perception eludes this old bat pony..."
>Starry Skies raises a hoof, bouncing up and down on the bar stool that she is much too short for, as her head bobs up and down from your view as she bounces
>You chuckles
"Yeah, Starry?"
>She smiles her usual smile and speaks in a chipper tone
>"What's depth perception?"
>You frown
"Uhhhh... Well... It's how you judge objects from a distance... And it doesn't work well with only one eye."
>You hum as you try to think of an example
"If ya hold yer hoof out in front of your face, and ye close one of your eyes, it looks like it moved, right?"
>Starry nods her head vigorously, holding her hoof in front of her and closing her eyes and opening them rapidly
"Well. With one eye, you can only see the object from one eye, so judging object's distance from ya is difficult."
>Starry chirps
>"Yep yep!"
>She's such a cute little filly.
"Anyways... What was I talking about?"
>Your train of thought was compeletely derailed by the little foal
>Strange how questions do that to you
>"You were talking about how you were the best with the glorified stick shooter!"
>You gape as you look between her and the bow.
"It's not a glorified stick shooter! It's a shortbow that fires arrows with precision!"
>Starry grins
>"But you don't have precision, cuz you don't got that depth perception stuff!"
>You fume
"That's...! Completely true, but rude!"
>Her eyes widen and grin grows to comically cute proportions
>"So if you're the the best glorified stick shooter in Equestria, why are you stuck here serving coffee and that weird stuff that Anon sometimes smells like?"
>You groan
>Fillies and their damn questions
"Because. I lost my eye, and that put me out of my job."
>The filly in front of you gasped
>"So you aren't the best in Equestria anymore?"
>You feel your face hit the counter in front of you, though you can't be sure, you can't see with the counter in front of you like this
>"Mister Snapshot?"
>You grunt
"Shouldn't ye be goin back home?"
>Silence for a moment
>"Okay!"
>...
>Was it really that easy...?
>You scream when you hear the door shut and the bell ring

-------------------------------------------------------------
FLARE IN: SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION
>You grunt as your favorite drink was slid down the counter towards you by none other than your best bat buddy Aux
"Thanks Aux."
>He chuckles in response
>"Anytime Heke."
>You sip from the salted beverage, smacking your lips together as the salty tang spreads over your tongue
"Ho-ly cow Aux. You're truly the best bartender a friend could hope for."
>He grumbles
>"Not the one this bloody district deserves, that's for sure."
>You shrug and sip from your drink once more
>Setting down the drink, you look at the bat pony
"Yeah, but you're the only bartender in this town, full-time anyway. Snapshot only ever serves Rum and Wine on Friday nights."
>Aux blinks at that, then resumes his cleaning of the glasses
>"That's true, I suppose."
>He looks back at you after putting away a sparkling crystal mug
>"But you're literally the only one who comes in about this time. If anypony else comes, they're usually just curious about a bat pony bar, or its-"
>The doors slam open, revealing...
>Flare.
>"Hey guys! What's going on here?!"
>Her backpack full of random shit nearly hits the doorframe as she walks in
>Both you and your best bat buddy's eyes widen as she nearly trips because of the sudden weight shifting of the tall backpack
>More like a stack of random items on her back
>Your eyes follow her as she walks over the the stool next to yours
'Please take your bag off...'
>You inwardly whimper as you think that thought, wondering what may happen if all that gear comes crashing down
>Pots and pans literally fall off as she sets, possibly every single item she owns, down on the floor next to the stool
>You lean to the left as a musket, complete with bayonet, misses you by an inch and sticks to the floor, having fallen from the very top of the mountain of shit
>There was silence for a bit
>But your best buddy always knows how to break the silence
>"S-So... Flare... How's your uh... Adventure going?"
>Flare smiles wildly
>Aux no, why'd you ask her that
>"Weeeeeell... I don't really care! I just do what the voices tell me!"
>...
>"Oh... So... It's good then?"
>Both Aux and you gulp
>Flare shrugs
>"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
>She grunts, her expression turning suddenly neutral
>"I'll have what Hekesuh is having."
>You look at your drink, then back to Flare
"Uh... Flare. This is a very very VERY strong drink. Are you sure you ca-"
>She puts a hoof to your muzzle, silencing you
>"Shhhh... I can handle it. I'm a tough mare."
>You gulp as her hoof leaves your muzzle
"If you s-say so..."
>You nod to Aux as he prepares the drink
>Flare begins to rummage around her backpack
>You silently dodge a pot, a box, a cat... Wait a minute...
>She pulls out what looks like bits and throws them at Aux, who backs away in shock
>Flare blushes
>"Sorry Aux... Guess I'm a little clumsy today."
>He sighs, setting the drink in front of her
>"Don't worry about it, Flare... As long as you pay."
>She smiles sheepishly
>"Yeah."
>She takes the drink, staring at it for a moment, before downing it in one go
>Ruh roh.
>You and Aux stare at her like she was somepony who just busted out of an asylum
>Tartarus, she might as well have been!
>She throws the glass into her backpack, it dissappearing in pile of assorted clutter
>...
>And then she spontaneously caught fire!
>But it's all fine and dandy
>Because the pony is apparently supposed to do that!
>Flare hics, uncaring that she is on fire
>"W-well. I should be on mah waaaaay~!"
>She looks at you with half lidded eyes beforing stepping down from the stool
>She grabs her backpack/mountain of items and stumbles off, more items and trash falling off from it as she walks out
>Aux turns to you, deadpanning
>"As I said before, she's the only other pony besides you to come in at this hour. Which isn't very often."
>You grumble
"How does she catch on fire like that?"
>Aux snorts, and then bursts into gut busting laughter
>"Buck if I know! That pony might as well be the daughter of Discord and Celestia when it comes to logic!"
>You chuckle along with him
"Nah... A child of Discord would make more sense than her..."
>...
>You swear you heard screams coming from outside
>Celestia damn that literal hot-headed pony

------------------------------------------------------------------------
BANGITY BANG
>You hated yourself for what you had to do
>All those poor fucking ponies
>They all lie out there, presumably dead, in the grass
"Why Echo! Why did you have to make me do this!"
>You cried and pounded a tree that had scratch marks from bat pony talons
>"Shhhh! We're trying to play dead, Anon!"
>Oh
>Echo looked up from the pile of bat pony "corpses"
>Right, you were re-enacting the battle of "bangity bang" with the bat ponies
"Y-yeah. I lost my broomstick..."
>The bat pony pile collectively sighed
>"Celestia damn it Anon, just get in the pile and maybe we can work this out."
>You were never seen again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Twilight turns you into her little sister to compete together in the derby.
    >In the ensuing calamity she suffers a blow to the head which removes all memory of who or what you are, or how to change you back.


>"Ugh... What...? What happened, where am I?"
>Said the dumb purple unicorn
>You boop her nose
"Twilight, we won, can you change me back now?"
>The purple mare blinks, staring at you as if she didn't know you
>"Do I know you...?"
>Ah shit.
"Twilight, it's me, Anon."
>You point at yourself
"You turned me into the little horse so we could win that stupid derby."
>Twilight seemingly puffs up
>"The derby is not stupid! And I have no idea what you're talking about!"
>You feel a massive gust of wind hit your back, followed by the sound of hooves clopping against the ground
>"Hey Egghead... Nonny."
>You scrunch and whip your head around, glaring at the gay pride flag on hooves
"Don't call me that."
>The Rainbow maned pegasus looks at you, blinks, and then bursts out loud into laughter
>She rubs her laughter-tears away with a hoof and sighs
>"Wooh Nonny you're pretty dang adorable as a filly. Right Twi?"\
>Twilight is just staring at Rainbow dumbfounded
>"Twi...?"
>"HOW COME YOU KNOW HER AND I DON'T?!"
"Can I be turned back now?"
>Twilight looks at you, ever more exasperated
>"What do you mean, turn you back?!"
>She screams and then falls on her back, all four hooves splayed out
>Rainbow rears her head and whistles
>"Head injury, sucks to be her!"
>Rainbow eyes you
>"And you!"
>As if you didn't already know that