Dulls puns 2019-06-10

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!#The arrogant math teacher finally ate a slice of humble pi.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.#It takes a lot of Braviary to utter a pun#What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"#I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.#Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.#Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!#People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.#Puppies learn how to behave by following a strict dogma.#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#What do the Al-Bhed do with ancient machina? Rikku-struct them#A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt.#I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.#Did you hear about the mushroom? He's a fun guy#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck.#The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#What's a Titan's favorite meal? Raw-men#What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.#It takes guts to make a sausage.#What sounds last call? A barbell.#When I took first place in the sewing competition, I thought that I had better quilt while I was ahead.#A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.#I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.#When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.#Making fun of a tree is a knock on wood.#I really look up to my tall friends.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#Old math profs never die -- they just use strange expressions.#I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.#The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted.#Could you call me on my Phione?#The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#I didn't used to like duct-tape at first, but then I became very attached to it.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?#How do trees access the internet? They log on.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#There’s no place like 127.0.0.1#what do you call an anniversary that happens in may? An Anni-may#What do Moogles use when they go shopping? Kupons.#Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.#Why did the Maesters need glasses? So they could Seymour.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.#Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.#What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.#Why can't you trust Satan's resume? The devil lies in the details.#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.#My Sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis.#Some mathematicians are reluctant to cosine a loan.#How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.#When milking a nervous goat, kid gloves should be used.#I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.#There's an anime about Okabe useing a washing machine to send clothes to the past. It's called Stains;Gate.#About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.#Pigs flying is an example of swine flew.#If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#Why are pigs so bad at soccer?  They are always hogging the ball!#Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!#What did the chicken farmer say to the Chocobo Eater? "I don't want you eating Mi'ihens!"#I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.#The best time to open a gift is the present.#What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.#What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.#Why should you never throw away an old dolphin? Because they can easily be re-porpoised!#What is a werewolf programmer’s favorite Java program? Eclipse.#I asked Kermit the Frog what he was hunting for. He said, 'Rabbit, rabbit.'#When your internet provider goes bankrupt it's a 'net loss.#What's a time traveler's favourite game? A Link to the Past#I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.#The earth's rotation really makes my day.#What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!#A croquette is a flirtatious female frog.#I have problems with math but with chemistry, I have solutions.#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#I lost my rare deck of Tarot cards. I was sad. They cost me a fortune.#The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.#I made a clock mad. It was ticked.#I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy.#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#My math class started working on 2D shapes, but I lost interest. It was just too plane.#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.#Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations.#I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.#What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hissssstorian#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.#A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"#When the Park Warden spotted a Dalmatian off the leash, the owner received a spot fine!#I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.#That Ghastly smell is coming from the toilet#She asked Furret.#What did the Luca Goers say when their score with the Aurochs was 2-2? "I can't believe they Tidus!"#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.#I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.#A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.#To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.#I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.#Abrupt appearance of sinkholes is ground breaking news for media men!#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#I wrote a book about birds. It flew off the shelf.#Why did Tidus and crew ruin Yuna's wedding? They wanted to get a better Valefor her.#Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!#Puns this good were certainly Onix-pected#Technically speaking a programmer's favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.#What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tuna fish with its scales.#Mathematicians are sum worshippers.#Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.#What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!#Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.#Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.#What does every Moogle need in the morning? A Kup-o coffee.#The inept mathematician couldn't count on his friends.#What's a pirate's favourite pokemon? Gengarrr!#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.#The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.#Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.#Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.#R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.#Why do people in Spira use fish instead of money for currency? Because everything is bought with gil.#The magazine's rationale for running the story was paper thin.#Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#Although I like hard rock, sometimes I want to listen to Solrock#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.#Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.#Dunsparce's evolution should be named Dunplenty#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural Logs.#I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#When I see birds, I always chirrup.#What is the difference between a living and a dead Spiran? Why ask me, the difference is Farplane to see.#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#Telling a demolitionist how to do his job is destructive criticism.#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#I've failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.#Flatfish always do their job. They know their plaice.#Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.#Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.#I Marill bad judge of puns#Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician#Why does Tidus live in a boathouse. Because he's from Zan-ARK-and.#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#I accepted a Knight shift job to become a security guard.#He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.#I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.#Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment.#Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.#My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#A cowbell is what you call a lovely Southern cow.#The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.#A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace#What do fish use to make telephone calls? – A shell-phone!#How did I escape Iraq? Iran.#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.# #I slept like a log whilst on night duty and I was axed when I woke up.#I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.#These puns have made my mind Exploud#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!#To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.#Have you seen the story of Braska's journey through the spheres Jecht left behind? It "shapes" up real nicely.#What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.#Where do bulls exchange their messages? On a bulletin board.#These puns make me Shuckle#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#The man's pants zipper broke, but he fixed it on the fly.#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#This morning I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.#I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.#The doors just broke, I could fix it, but it hinges on other things.#The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.#The meaning of opaque is unclear.#What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire? Frost bite.#Why was Kimahri afraid of returning to Mt. Gagazet. He was scared of the cold reception.#My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.#Sausage puns are the wurst.#I read this book about Mount Everest. It was quite the cliff hanger.#My favourite travel destination is Paras#A ghoul that dines on kangaroos is a hop goblin.#I didn't understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me.#My computer's got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.#The librarian didn't know what to do with the book about Tesla's love of electricity, so he filed it under 'Current Affairs.'#Machamp's gonna Throh you some puns#I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year - he was really easy to get a lawn with.#One of the best drinking game rules I have ever heard was you had to say a Pokemon name in every sentence. Farfetched right?#Circus dogs fly through the air with the greatest of fleas.#I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full", I thought, "I can't turn that down".#Old math teachers never die, they just become irrational.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#Why couldn't Yuna summon her aeons? She lacked Fayth.#I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.#There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.#Old artists never retire they withdraw!#Models of dragons are not to scale.#This is an Absol-utely brilliant idea#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#Installing a new bathroom fan is exhausting.#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.#How did Jesus' crucifixion save us? It's 'cause he nailed it!#Why is it okay for Yuna to put her elbows on the table and chew with her mouth open during dinner? Because law only requires her to have Summoners.#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!#What do you give a tired programmer? Java.#My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.#When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.#Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.#The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#The boys Arbok in town#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.#They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.