Thread 19: Stories 46-60

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>29
"Cherry Jubilee"
'Trixie'
~~~~~~

*DOORSLAM!*

>THOU DAMNED CRIMINAL SCUM!

"...Ah beg your pardon?"

'Do not play false to the BRILLIANT and DEDUCTIVE Trixie! We tracked you down for inadvertently causing the death of an orphan, little Tannie!'

"...WHAT!?"

>We know all about your orphanage! Where you would use the little foals as slaves to do your work, and discourage any potential adopters from taking them home! Ohhh, you thought you would get away with it, didn't you!? But nay! NAY I SAY UNTO YOU!

"I don't... what are ya'll sayin'?"

'Trixie knows the truth of when Daddy Storebucks rolled into town, and wanted to adopt Tannie! But ohhh, you just couldn't let that little filly with a red coat leave, COULD YOU!?'

>So you hatched a scheme to keep her here, devising a trap most foul to send her away and keep her for the government benefits! WOE UNTO YOU FOR THINKING A THOUGHT SO FOUL!

'It was just supposed to scare her, you said! A bit of a fright! But then... then she never returned, and you never reported her disappearance! But what you didn't know is she had broken her leg, and couldn't make it back home!'

>THY CHILD DIED ALONE AND FEELING UNLOVED, AND-... are you sure this is the one? This doesn't look like an orphanage.

"It's not!"

>...Hold up, I have a picture...

'...They look EXACTLY alike.'

>Clones, really.

'But isn't this picture a little old?'

>Miss? Is there any chance you are secretly stealing the youth from the foals? Prolonging your eternal reign of torment upon the innocent?

"NO!"

>Ah. Little one? I don't think this is the right mare... I know, she looks EXACTLY like her, but I'm pretty sure... no, I'm not going to keep 'funnytalking' at her, stop that.

"Who are you talking to!?"

>The ghost of a dead and abandoned orphan who's bitterness at her wrongdoing has left her unable to move beyond.

"..."

>..It's this mares fault.

"N-NANA MIASMA!?"

>Oh, good, that explains a lot.

"NANA MIASMA RAN A SLAVE ORPHANAGE AND CAUSED THE DEATH OF A FOAL!?"

>Several, actually. Was going to go through the line. Is she dead?

"N-noooo... Nana Miasma is still alive, but, uh... she's not... 'there' anymore. At all. She calls me Berry all the time. Most of my cousins love her, thought."

'Ah. Well, she's a horrible monster whom you should feel nothing for contempt for.'

"...O-oh sweet Celestia."

>Well, seeing as she wouldn't even be able to understand us, let alone feel guilt, I guess justice has been served-

*FLASH!*

>MY EYES!

'WHY DO THEY NEVER WARN TRIXIE!?'

"..This is going to make the family reunion SO AWKWARD."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
'SA'
~~~~~

>You lost me.

"Come on, it's brilliant!"

'If by brilliant you mean insane and weirdly exploitative.'

"Exactly!"

>He wasn't agreeing with you.

"Look, it's simple. We have games for regular ponies, right?"

>Right.

"Game you or I could not compete in because we would literally, not figuratively, destroy the competition, and would be unfair, right?"

>Still right.

"So, why don't we make games where WE can play in! Just us royals!"

>Because that's insane. Most of the foreign royals don't even have elevated abilities.

'Neither do I, in case you forgot. Pretty much all of you outclass me in everything.'

"We don't have to invite them!"

>So, what? Just my fellow princesses and you?

"...Okay, we can invite the others, and DESTROY-"

>No.

"NO VISION!"

>I have visions. Visions of angry, insulted dignitaries and declarations of war. And you in the middle, honestly not knowing what went wrong as the gryphon army descends upon you.

"...No offense, but I could really easily kick the gryphons ass. All of them. The collective 'ass' among them. Just me. Wouldn't even have to break out my supersoldiers."

'PLEASE stop being flippant about war prospects.'

"I'm not saying I WANT to, just that I COULD."

>No. Bad Chrysalis. Shiny, spank her please.

*SMACK!*

>...

"EEE!...Do it again."

'No.'

"You did it for her!"

'I honestly wanted to watch her jaw drop.'

>...I can't believe you just-

*SMACK!*

'YOW!'

"See how you like it-OW!"

>Don't spank him-OW!

'Can we break this up-OW! OH IT IS ON NOW!'

"BRING IT!"

>BROUGHT!

Outside, Applejack just stared at the closed door leading to Celestia's office, let out a long, tired sigh, and decided to wait until the slapping noises died down before she tired to ask another question.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Sombra'
~~~~~~

>How do you keep finding these!?

"I asked 18 to go through the lawbooks to find anything weird."

>DAMN HER COMPETENCY!

'Are we having a screaming contest again, Shining Armor? Those are fun.'

>YOU!

'Yes, Shining Armor, it was me all along. I was the stallion in the mirror.'

>You are a sick, sick creature!

'The contents locked in my desk are my business and nobody else's!

>...
"...HAH!"

>Is there anything you don't find funny?

"Your dick size."

>Ignoring that. Sombra, this law. This law is freaky.

'... I do not see the problem?'

>You don't see why pimping being legal is a problem?

'...No?'

>Okay, it being legal is bad enough, but encouraged!?

'What, are you going to get on your wife next?'

>...What.

'Oh, don't be like that. Every day I see her pimping, she does it for hours on end. She has several servants dedicated solely to her pimping, and she runs them ragged the whole night with her pimping.'

"...huh?"

'What? I wish you would pimp more. Maybe get 42 and 18? They seem like they know a thing or two on the subject, ESPECIALLY 18. Just screams 'knowledgeable' on the subject. Maybe bring Cadenza in? She'd have fun.'

>...

'...Shining Armor, are you alright? You... the desk is shaking. It is- no, I stand corrected, it is FLOATING, the desk is floating and now I am on fire. I am on fire. How am I on fire?'

>...

'...Chrysalis, may I see your dictionary ?'

"I'll just... throw it to you."

'I understand.... Ah. PRIMPING. There is an R in there. Must have misread that and nobody corrected me, because tyrant. And pimping is- oh my. That word is new. This is a new word and I apologize Chrysalis I owe you a new dictionary...'

>...

'...I, uh... I'm going to go now. Sorry for the misunderstanding?'

>Forgiven.

"Now, see, you say that, but the demonic voice implies otherwise."

'...Bye!'

>...One word, Chrysalis, say ONE word.

"...I'm good."

>Good.

"...Thanks for sticking up for my girls."

>Anytime.
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>Chrysalis
"Various Changelings"
~~~

>MY HIVE! I have need of you!

"Well, we're right here."

"All the time."

"Forever."

"Until we randomly attach ourselves to another character and get to go out into the world."

"Because we aren't all that interesting as a single."

>...Right. Well, anyway, we are going to the Equestrian Games!

"EEEE!"

"I HAVE A FOAM FINGER JUST FOR THIS OCCASION! AT LAST! YOU ALL LAUGHED, BUT WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!?"

"Us, at you, for buying that thing three years ago."

"WORTH IT!"

>And, even better, some of us are going... as competitors!

"...Yay?"

"Yeah, uh, we're good at fighting, but not... you know, not fighting."

"Great at fighting, though!"

"Is it a fighting thing?"

>No.

"...Is there a juggling competition?"

>No.

"Damn."

"Wow, what a shock, the rest of the world isn't as stupid as your coltfriend, and isn't as impressed by juggling."

"First off, he's not my coltfriend. Second-I WILL FUCK YOU UP!"

"ACK!-OWOWOW-MAJEST-OWOWOW-MAJESTYHEL-OW-"

*CRACK!*

"MY LEG!"

>...Okay, not entering you in the wrestling event.

"Oh thank goodness, I don't like violence."

"EVERYTHING IS PAIN!"

"See? It looks terrible."

>...Might have to rethink this.
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>RD
"Soarin"
'Spitfire'
-LD-
~Gilda~
~~~
>The Equestria Games? Ugh, we're still doing that shit?

'Well, as Captain of the Wonderbolts, you're at least obligated to attend, though normally you're expected to compete.'

>Robot invasions, giant bug attacks, diplomacy issues...

"And actually, the Games are the perfect way to help with diplomacy. Nothing helps bring nations together like competing for shiny metals in sporting events."

>Soarin, get some regulation goggles and take off those damn, rose-tinted ones.

~Actually, Dash, the Queen really does look forward to this, even if we only have one city-state overlapping into your territory and an arial relay team.~

-Please please please, can we go, Captain! I'll do all of spitfire's chores!-

Dash smirks

>Not convincing me with that plea, Dust.

-I know! I'll make Spitdfire do all of Gilda and i's chores! And Scootaloo's!-

'Fuck you!

>Sold!

'And fuck you with a cactus!'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Spike'
__________

>C'mon... c'mooooon, please....

"No, no no no, it'll be me, I know it!"

'Over my scaly ass it will be. It's got my name written all over it.'

>Spike, loverboy, apple o' mah eye... don't think Ah won't hesitate to wrestle you to the ground to get what Ah want....

'Applejack, applebutt, diamond of my eye... don't think I wouldn't enjoy that.'

"And while you two are distracted, it'll be all MINE!"

As one, Applejack, Celestia, and Spike intensely watched as an empty bottle of cider spun betwixt them, each of them looking fit to burst as it began to slow... and slow... until finally stopping on-

'YES! THE FINAL PIECE OF CAKE IS MINE!'

>DRATS!

"ME DAMN IT!"

Yes, that prized last piece of confectionary wonder sat on a saucer atop the work table, glistening with a tantalizing zeal. And, with a bounce and a laugh, Spike wasted no time in snatching it up as the other two loser mares slunk back into their chairs, sighing dejectedly.

>Horseapples... Ah really wanted the last slice! Hell, it was from mah own personal stash of cake! This ain't fair!

"I feel like crying. Like, really, just bawling my eyes out. And that's sad, crying over cake... but I still want to! The last slice is always the best...."

'You're right. And it's even better when shared with friends.'

At those words, the two princesses looked up to see the dragon setting down the saucer of cake, only instead of one big slice there was now three smaller slices.

>...
"..."

He smiled.

'So, before the work and exhaustion kills us, what say we enjoy this last piece together?'

The other two would've answered if their faces hadn't scrunched up, both their bottom lips quivering. As it stood, they could only sniffle as Spike pulled up his chair and reclaimed his pen.

'Hey, hey, hey, no tears in the cake, you sissies.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Changeling"
'Guard'
~~~~~~

The courtyard was silent, save for the clop clop of the princess's hooves against stone as as walked down the center path. To her left, Equestria's finest soldiers stood at attention, eyes forward and faces blank. To her right, Changelings stood poised and equally stonefaced.

>Now listen here! Ah heard ya'll have been havin' a bit o' trouble gettin' along with one another. Ya' know, Ah' can't say ah'm surprised. Weren't all that long ago ya'll were on opposite side of a fight. But ya' know, it's gone on too long. So ya' know what? Ah've got a special surprise for you tin headed ninnies. Ya'll too, ya' little buggy varmints, and don't ya'll try ta' argue me, yer' Queen gave the okay.

She came to an abrupt stop.

>Ya'll wanna be so rascally with each other? Fine. We're gonna work this out in a way ya'll can understand.

Randomly, she pointed at one of the guards, indistinguishable from his peers.

>YOU! Step into the center here!

Without question, he obeyed. Once in place, she snapped her hoof in the other direction, choosing a Changeling at random this time.

>YOU! Yer turn!

He stepped forward as well, expressionless.

>And now... Ya'll are gonna fight!

Most remained devoid of emotion, but more than a few bloodthirsty smirks twitched at the corners of the mouths on either side.

>No goin' for kill blows, no breakin' limbs, no takin' cheap shots. But aside from that, ya'll can work this out however ya' want. Good? Thought so. Ready... GO!

They waited... and waited.... and waited....

>...Are ya' deaf!? AH' SAID-

"Um..."

'Yeah, uh...'

The two combatants dropped their act, and suddenly looked very, very uncomfortable.

"Can we, uh, can we do over?"

>...Ah beg yer' pardon?

'Yeah, well... not to disobey your command, Your Highness, but er... can you... switch us with someone else? I can fight that guy, no problem.'

"Yeah, likewise. Can I fight... I don't know, him? Or her?...You know what, anyone will do."

>...Is there a problem, here?

'It's just... I know this guy.'

"Yeah."

She looked to her left. Uniform faces, body shapes, armor... to her right... same story.

>Are... are ya'll serious? How...

"...How what?"

Look to the left... look to the right....

>...EVERYONE LOOKS THE BUCKIN' SAME!

'No he doesn't! That's Jugglejack!'

"Yeah! Actarius is very distinct!"

To the left... to the right...

>...Really?

"'YES!"'

>...Huh. Uh... Ya'll are excused, Ah' guess.

"We're not... in trouble for this, right? Cause I'll fight! Really! Just, you know... not him."

'Yes, I am more than happy to throw down to prove myself with any one of them!... Just, uh, not my juggle buddy.'

>No no, it's fine, ya'll ain't in trouble. Go on, take the rest of the day off.

'...really?'

>Really. Fine. Off wit' cha', that's an order.

"...Wanna go watch me juggle in the park?"

'Do I!?'

They ran off, oblivious to the gawking stares on either side.

>...Huh....

Left... right...

>...HUH... uh... Anyone else got any issues? Go ahead, ain't no problem on my end.... no? Nobody else? Ya' sure?... okay, iffin' ya say so.

She chose two more, and backed off. These two had no trouble getting into the spirit of things.

Left. Right.

>...huh....
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Cadence"
~~~
"Heeeey, Spike! How's my faaaaavorite brother-in-law type thing doing?"

Spike gives a pleasant smile as he deftly sorts, organizes, and delivers paperwork and forms and even schedules meetings

>Eh, about as well as it goes around here. So what brings you around?

"What, I can't just visit my faaaaavorite brother-in-law? Maybe give him so romantic advice? ... For a favor?"

>Well, gee, thanks for the offer but last time I was given romantic advice, I needed an adult. All the adults.

"Chrysalis?"

>Yep.

"But I'm the alicorn of love, I give good advice and don't know anything about creepy sex."

>Look, why don't you just tell me what the favor is and we'll work something out.

Cadence takes a deep breath and blurts out as fast as she can

"COULDYOUPLEASETEACHMEHOWTODOASSISTANTSTUFF?NO?OKAYSORRYFORWASTINGTIME."

She turns to leave

>Whoa whoa whoa! Hold up!

Spike's actually stopped moving his arms and working, now giving Cadence his full attention

>You want me to teach you how to do my job. Why?

"... I just... I've been feeling-... You know? No, you don't know. You're the hero of the Crystal Empire, you're the defacto leader of the a-team since Twilight quit..."

Spike gives her a sad smile

>I know that feel exactly, Cadence.

He hops up on the desk and hugs her

>You wanna find some way, any way to help the people around you.

Cadence tearfully nods

>I'll come down and visit tomorrow for my usual deliveries.

"OHTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

>Ack! Can't... Breath!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"Rarity"
'Cadence'
[Applejack]
{Mayor Mare}
~~~~~

>No.

"I'm with her, darling. No."

'Not going to happen.'

[Have ya' been drinkin'?]

{Look, it's something that I really, really need you guys to do. Pretty please with sugar on top?}

>The fact you haven't thrown her out yet is a testament to your patience, Applejack. I am impressed.

[Ah' don't think she wants ta' actually hurt anybody.]

{I don't! Really! It's just... it's kiiiiind of a final request.}

"For who?"

{Um... the ghost orphan who I am assured is standing right next to me, but I cannot actually see.}

'...What?'

{Long. Long... LOOOOONG story.}

'I've got time.'

>You can't be serious.

{Really? Oh, uh... well, okay, there's these spirits of angry, bitter orphans, and they need a final act in order to finally let go of their hate and move beyond, essentially.}

'So... she needs this, because otherwise the poor thing cannot move on to the afterlife.'

{Yes, exactly.}

"Really, Cadence, you can't be entertaining the thought of-"

'Hit me.'

[...Ah'm sorry, what?]

'Not you. She says she wants to see a princess get punched in the face, and I'm going to do it!... Well, technically, 42's going to do it.'

>Uh...

'Has to be from you, she said. Go on. And don't you hold back now!'

>You... really?

'42, nothing breaks my heart more than the idea that some poor thing is going to be prevented from finding happiness and love in the beyond, and I will not let it happen! HIT ME!'

>I don't know-

'HIT ME-'

*WHAM!*

*THUMP!*

>...Well... that's going to be hard to explain to Shiny.

{GREAT! Now, uh... for the other two?}

[You've gotta be bucking kiddin'-]

*WHAM!*

[RAR!]

*WHAM!*

>... I feel bad.

*FLASH!*

>MY EYES!

{WOO! You did it! Sorry, meant to warn you.}

>WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH!?

{Well, thanks again! If you ever need anything, just call!}

>NO WAIT! I CAN'T SEE! GET A GUARD, WE NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!... MAYOR MARE!?... MAYOR!

....

>FUCK YOU!
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Non-Canon
>Spike
"DT"
'SS'
[42]
(77)
~~~
We join our heroes tonight at a targeting range

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Chkchkchkchkchkchk-click!

'Has he... Always been able to do that?'

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

[We've learned to just ignore it these days]

(Whot now?)

'That!'

Chkchkchkchkchkchk-click!

(Ah, yes, it's just one of Spike's quirks. Don't let it bother you.)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Well to this day it still bothers me! Does it bug you too, Silver?"

Chkchkchkchkchkchk-click!

'Not that much, but it is just weird.'

"Well that's it, I'm confronting in him on this!"

(This is only going to end in tears, isn't it?)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

[Or the breaking of reality]

>Hey, Tiara, what can I do you for?

"This has to stop, Spike! Charity is a Smith & Wesson, whoever they are, 500 revolver, it carries only and ONLY five physical shots!"

>And?

"This whole time you've been loading in six!"

>That's silly, I don't-...

Chkchkchkchkchkchk-click!

>... Holy shit!

"See?!"

>Hey! If I can load in a six shots... Why not seven?

"Wait!"

'What? that sounds like a bad idea-'

but it was too late, as Spike inexplicably began to load his seventh shot into Charity, the fabric of reality broke down, time distorted, space fell wayside, and logic and proportion fell sloppy dead

And soon, all was nothing

(Do you ever hate being right?)

[Always.]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

>...Honey.

"What? It's technically accurate!"

He did not respond with words.

Because being able to flick your wrist and blow a solid hole in the wall made of solid crystal should speak for itself.

"...Okay, maybe it was a bit heavier than a 'pound', but it was still cake!"

>...

"...I mean, it's probably legally a cake."

>...

"...Don't use that recipe again?"

>...

"..Right... gotcha."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


>Twilight
"Cadence"
~~~~

>Thanks for offering to help, Cadence.

“Anything for my favorite sister in law... Who will let me use her bolt driver to bejewel my cart. But why me?”

>Spike's out on a date thats not actually a date with both Applejack and Rarity.

“Oh...”

>...There an issue with that?

“No! Absolutely not, no. I'm happy for him.”

>Cadeeeeence... what's wrong?

“Nothing! Nothing.”

>Cadence, I know that look. Come on, I won't judge.

“...it's weird.”

>I knew it! Look, just because they're different species-

“Huh? What does that have to do with anything?”

>Oh... I know the age thing is a little offputting, but-

“Can't he grow up if he gets greedy?”

>You know, we never really explored that.

“Guess it's a moot point, he probably has more political pull than most judges, what are they going to do? Arrest Applejack?”

>Point... you know what, I was rude. What's the weird part?

“Well... it's just... I heard Rarity talking about... well... sharing.”

>...And?

“Well, think about it, that's just not going to work.”

>Beeecause?

“You're asking me? You should know better than I do. Science!”

>S-...science.

“Right!”

>Walk me through this.

“Okay, fine. So, on the one hoof, you have Applejack, right? And on the other, Rarity, right? And you would, presumably, need to love them both, right?”

>Following so far.

“But that's where it breaks down! You only have so much love to go around, and evenly distributing it is a logistical nightmare!”

>E-evenly distributing it? But... love's infinite. You can't run out of love to give!

“What? You absolutely can! It's infinite on UNIVERSAL scale, but on the scale of a single being it is one hundred percent finite. He could run out of love as easily as a fire can run out of fuel.”

>...What!? That's ridiculous! How could YOU of all ponies think that!?

“How could YOU of all ponies NOT!? You have data proving it!”

>I do not!

“Then explain Chrysalis! Explain how she PHYSICALLY drained Shiny. It shouldn't have been possible if it was infinite, correct?”

>L-love magic and love aren't the same. Magic effects stamina, so draining Shiny drained more than just his emotional love?

“Oh yeah? Then how did the Crystal Ponies love refuel the Crystal Heart. In fact, how could the heart have become inert in the first place if love was not, in fact, finite! They have no means of externally producing magic.”

>Um-

“And on that note, how would a Changeling ever run out of food?”

>Er-

“Oh, and let's not forget the numerous magical artifacts that can, you know, steal love. One of which I had to destroy in order to become an Alicorn at all. If love was infinite, the artifacts would explode before ever filling up!”

>Ah-

“And finally, if love were, in fact, infinite, than MY power would be infinite! And it's not! My magic sucks! There is only SO MUCH love in one being, and it's a measurable thing.”

>...O-oh dear Celestia.

“See my problem? If love's finite, then he has to do a very delicate balancing act between the two of them, which means it can skew one way or the other! WHICH MEANS...”

>That... you knew more about... magic science?

"Wait, wha-"

>MY MIIIIIIND!

*CRASH!*

“...Twilight? Twili? You, uh, you still need me to stick around? Twilight? Should I... should I turn the incinerator off? Are we done throwing things in?... Twwwwwiiiiilight?...Huh. Dunno what her problem was, I thought she liked talking about science!”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Spike"
'Guard'
Trader Morlock

>Of all the-just-grrrgh-gahhh!

"Whoa, hey, what is it, applebutt?"

>Ahm tryin' to clean up with mess with Stalliongrad-

"The one about them accidentally being given independence?"

>The same.

"Sounds like a slam dunk actually, seems like they'd be eager to come back under our protection after the first five revolutions."

>The revolutions are the problem, any time Ah get anywhere in these talks, there's some regime change back home and suddenly ahm talkin' to an enemy of the state instead of the ambassador! Ah think half the ponies in Fawntaine's home for the poor are just those guys.

"Need me to 'stabilize' their government for a little while?"

>That's sweet of ya, hon, but ah think if ah just work faster, we'll be good.

AJ sighs.

>Would ya believe these ain't the worst ponies to negotiate with?

"Seriously?"

'Your highness.'

>Yeah?

'There's someone here who says he has business with you.'

>That's not righ' ahm full up fer today-aw great, speak of Tirek and he'll appear.

"The...hell...is that?"

The creature, once again clad in a protective suit, shambles forward.

-Traaaaaaaade...-
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Pinkie"
~~~
>Hey, Pinkie, I need some help.

"Heya, Spikey, what can I do ya for? Would ya like some saucy, edible lingerie for Rarity or Applejack? I could even model them for you, though I don't really have AJ's hips or Rarity's-"

>Have enough distractions- I mean, Um... Put those on hold for now. The apple one particularly.

"Righyo!"

>Anyway though, I need help making something that Two commissioned from me.

"Ohhh- Wait, haven't you taken up blacksmithing? Does this means she wants a marshmallow sword? A Thunder sword? ... A Dog sword?"

>Actually, she'd like me to build a marchmalley crown for Shining, and I figured I'd make one for her too as a gift. I don't want to just encase food in metal but I don't want something so painfully transient as a crown made of food.

"I know what'cha mean. Come, Spike! To the back rooms of the bakery, it's time for PIENCE!"

>... Really?

"I just didn't want to be left out... I have so few roles and appearances..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Sombra"
~Maud~

~~~~~

>So these Golems, can they be made out of anything else? Wood, metal, crystals even?

"No, they must be made out of rocks. Specifically they must be farm grown rocks."

>... Farm grown?"

"Haven't you ever heard of growing crystals? It's basically the same concept, except with rocks, however it is a much harder profession as it can take decades to grow the right kind of rock needed for Golem crafting."

>So... Rock Farming?

"Indeed... The best can actually speak to the very rocks themselves. Actually, If I'm not mistaken, that mare over there is a member of the best Rock Farmers in Equestria."

>... Your actually serious, Rock Farmers?

"Yes, If that is indeed who I think it is, most of the Golems under my control were created using rocks grown by her family."

>... Your serious, Rock Farming!?

"Yes... How are you not getting this concept?"

>...

"Excuse me, Miss. You wouldn't happen to be a 'Pie' would you?"

~...Yes.~

"Ah ha! I knew it, is your family still growing rocks?"

~Yes. Rock solid quality, guaranteed.~

The mare suddenly reached into her pocket and withdrew a small rock. After a moment she looked up at Sombra.

~Boulder says you seem familiar.~

"... I don't believe it... Boulder is that you? It's me, Sombra!"

~... Boulder says he remembers you. Said you've lost weight.~

"Ha! Just as witty as I remember him."

>... I think I'm going to need a drink.

"Brilliant Idea! We can discuss this more over drinks."

~...Boulder says he'll have a scotch on himself.~
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