He took his rod and stood up. These waters teemed with life. Life that could be sold. And as long as it was something that could be sold, the Secretary of Commerce held dominion over it. He closed his eyes and mustered the powers conferred upon him by the powers conferred upon Armstrong by the powers of popular sovereignty.

I pledge allegiance

To the flag

Of the United Circles of Hell

And to the Republic

For which it stands

One nation

In defiance of God

Indivisible

With chaos and vengeance for all.

Patriotism surged into his veins. All matters relating to Commerce became known to him— the paths towards commercial viability, the pulse and life of the free market, the demands of the public. He understood all of it intimately. And thus it came that any task which the Secretary faced would come as naturally as breathing to him, so long as it had commercial merit.

“Whatever fish I catch,” so Secretary of Commerce Satan declared, “I will sell.”

- Ragnarust Round 2