Premature (2014) EN

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All right, so here's
how you can tell, in
order of weirdness,

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that this is a dream.

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First off, I'm having sex.

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Second, I'm on a heart-shaped
bed with red rubber sheets.

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Nice.

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Are those beakers?

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Yep, I'm in my chemistry class.

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That's third.

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And this woman is just perfect.

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I mean, look at her.

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Those eyes... Those lips...

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Those three tits.

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I would tell you the
fifth, but this is
about the time

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where I...

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¶ I'm bit part player in the

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story of my life ¶

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¶ and I can't wake up, but I

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just won't sleep at night ¶

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¶ but maybe I'm alive and maybe

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I'm dead ¶

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¶ the things you say went around

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my head ¶

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¶ empty words that sound like

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shit to me ¶

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¶ turn around, round, round,

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round, round, round ¶

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¶ turn it around ¶

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¶ turn around, round, round,

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round, round, round ¶

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just... Throw the sheets
in the laundry, hon.

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It's okay.

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She's in the laundry room.

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Sit down.

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I should probably be
going to school, so...

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We both know how important

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today's interview is.

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Dad, I really don't need

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another pep talk.

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When you were benched in

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little league and your
team played with eight
players,

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I said nothing.

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When you were bullied
by Sally levinson...

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I said nothing.

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When you lost the class

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presidency to a raccoon...

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He was the school mascot.

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I said nothing.

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But this is too important to me

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to just sit idly by
and say nothing.

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So, come on. Please.

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Okay. Fine.

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I want you to wear
this during the interview.

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This is my old headband from

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when I rowed crew at Georgetown.

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But... I don't row crew.

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Oh, God. This smells
like crotch.

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That's the smell of a champion.

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Today you have a
huge opportunity.

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Today you'll make me proud.

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It would save me time if I would

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just put down newspaper on

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his... Bed.

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¶ I was supposed to
do great things ¶

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¶ I know the road was long ¶

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¶ but I wasn't raised to
shoot for fame ¶

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¶ I had the safety on ¶

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¶ ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

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¶ I cut my ties,

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I sold my rings ¶

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¶ I wanted none of this ¶

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¶ if you start from scratch,

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you have to sing ¶

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¶ just for the fun of it ¶

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cute dress!

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Hello, Lisa.

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Why is he near us?

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Have a good day at school.

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Rob!

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Yo, rob!

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Ah!

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Oh.

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Hey, are you okay?

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Shh.

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So, I'm about to blow my load

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when Lisa says, "wait."

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She then stands up,
gets dressed,

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turns to me and says,

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"okay.

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Come now."

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And boom.

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I came.

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Huh.

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How does a high school chick

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learn mind control like that?

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Maybe some sort of
magnet school for
the sexually advanced?

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You're gonna love sex.

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It's like jerking off with the

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best sock on the planet.

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Wait.

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What?

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Why are you dressed
like Ellen degeneres?

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I have my interview today.

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I'm not dressed like Ellen.

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So, what are you gonna
do if you don't get in?

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Hey. No. Shut up, okay?

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I have to get in.

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Don't jinx me.

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So I'll kill a chicken.

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Relax.

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Hey, man. You want to
come over tonight?

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I'm playing "grand theft
auto" online with that
kid from the Balkans.

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You know, he sent me
this fucked-up YouTube clip.

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Some mma guy got punched in the

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nuts so hard he shit
himself and came.

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Wow, uh, as much as I'd
love to see that,
Gabrielle and I are

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watching the spelling
bee tonight.

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Hi, guys.

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The dork super bowl?

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00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:46,810
No, dude, it's, like,

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trembling kids, terrified
of disappointing their
watching parents.

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I mean, it's like watching

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televised child abuse.

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It's fucking awesome.

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They don't get punched,
but they do shit themselves.

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Huh.

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And a good morning to you both.

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Hey, gabs.

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Thanks.

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Arthur.

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What time you flying out, Artie?

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Funny, Stanley.

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Too bad the special Olympics
doesn't have a comedy
competition.

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So, rob, Gabrielle told me
your Georgetown interview
is today.

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Uh, yeah.

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I'm a little nervous.

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Want me to put in a good word?

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They've been on my jock
about going there full ride
since I was in middle school.

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Really? Since middle school?

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It's a lot of pressure
for a 7-year-old.

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Good morning.

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Morning, Mr. Hughes.

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Arthur, I thought you were
going to be here early.

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Excuse me for a second.

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Get off my scrotum, Mr.
Hughes. I have your
lesson plan, but

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what I don't have is my money.

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It's in my classroom.

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Then let's go.

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I'm sorry, guys. I have
to handle this.

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And, rob, feel free to
drop my name in the
interview.

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I can't believe your pre-pub
neighbor sells homework to
teachers.

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Yeah, and how is
he so confident?

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He has one eyebrow and
it's thicker than Sam
elliott's mustache.

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Aw, he can't help the
eyebrow. He's Armenian.

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Yeah, poor kid.

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Poor kid? No, you should
mow that thing. It's
embarrassing.

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Says the guy who has
been not-so-subtly
adjusting his cup.

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It's an athletic supporter.

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It rides up sometimes.

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In his defense, Gabrielle,
a little discomfort is
far better

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than getting kicked in
he balls every day
for a semester.

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That happened in the 9th
grade. It hasn't happened since.

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It's not something one
just forgets, Gabrielle.

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The 9th grade was my ballocaust.

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Never again.

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I got beer for tonight.
You excited?

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Oh, sweet. How?

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Just threw it in the
cart at the shop 'n save.

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My mom thought my dad put it in

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and my dad thought he
put it in, so it worked out
perfectly.

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Hey, so, it is your last chance
to change your bet,

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unless you really think that

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Mona panchal will take it all.

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Um, some stats...

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all right.

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She is a 13-year-old

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up-and-comer from Kansas
via Mumbai with a nervous
twitch.

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She placed 12th two years
ago, 5th last year. This is
her year.

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Also, it is too late to change
your bets because the first
round has started.

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I'm just really excited for

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pongsaklek wonjongkam
to eat Mona for l-u-n-c-h.

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Right. Is pongsaklek
a boy or a girl?

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Yeah, I have no idea.

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Exactly.

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00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:03,980
But if it can spell its own
name, it can spell anything.

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So, I was thinking we could
drink every time somebody asks

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for alternate pronunciations.

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00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:13,330
Or... or every time someone asks
for alternate pronunciations,
we could cut ourselves.

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00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:17,660
Yeah, sure.

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Yo, rob! Y...

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hey! Are you kidding me?

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You're volleyball players.

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You don't get to pick on people.

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Set me.

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No!

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Ooh! Damn.

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It's piss.

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Those assholes pissed on me.

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Okay.

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Well, that'll dry
by the interview.

200
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:46,830
Yeah, but he smells like
a urinal cake.

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00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,300
I do. I do smell like
a urinal cake.

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00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:52,700
Okay, guys, I have my test
next period. I got to go. Um...

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Stanley, go to the lost and
found, get rob a new pair
of pants.

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I won't let you down,
buddy. Watch out!
Pants emergency!

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00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,140
Stay calm.

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00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:00,740
All right? Take a deep breath.

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00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,980
Keep the recruiter's face
away from your junk.

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00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:05,310
And it's gonna be great.

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00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:06,250
Okay?

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00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:07,650
Thanks, gabs.

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00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:08,880
Just text me with bee
updates, okay?

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00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:09,980
I will.

213
00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:18,390
Okay, these aren't ideal,

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00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:21,230
but they didn't have a
lot to choose from.

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00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,000
Are these even men's pants?

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00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,630
Try 'em on. Maybe you'll
look fabulous.

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00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,940
I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

218
00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:31,500
Hey, you know I have a
test next period, right?

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00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,040
Shh.

220
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,240
Are all the people you
tutor this self-absorbed?

221
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,650
Hey, Artie. Can you
help this student, please?

222
00:09:38,650 --> 00:09:39,910
Rob's falling apart.

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00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,450
I know you have a learning
disability, Stanley, but
can you

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00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:45,290
grasp the fact that I'm
already working with
someone?

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00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,850
How many people know
about your arrangement
with Mr. Hughes?

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00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:49,360
And I'm presuming
there are others.

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00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,930
Don't shout that witch
language at me!

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00:09:52,930 --> 00:09:55,330
I'll burn you at the stake.

229
00:09:55,330 --> 00:09:56,700
Move.

230
00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:58,530
Go.

231
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,340
I know what would help.
Okay, take a deep breath.

232
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:06,270
Okay. I am.

233
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:08,980
Good. Now go to
the bathroom, hit a

234
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:12,350
stall, and rub one out to that.

235
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:16,750
It's a scientific fact that
your blood pressure drops
after you orgasm.

236
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,890
It's like your balls are
shooting yoga through
your veins.

237
00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:22,560
Oh, no. Is she coming
over here? Yep.

238
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:26,590
She is. Shit. Please
stop talking now.

239
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,190
Hi, rob.

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00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,000
Hey, Angela.

241
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,230
Um, good morning.

242
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:35,270
Excuse me, Angela. I have
to update my Wikipedia page.

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00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:36,600
Okay.

244
00:10:36,610 --> 00:10:39,340
So, rob, um, I know our
tutoring session isn't
supposed to be

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00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:42,010
until Thursday, but I was
kind of hoping we could
schedule,

246
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:44,810
like, an emergency session.

247
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,450
Miss marconi moved the test up.

248
00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:48,780
She's getting a mammogram
tomorrow, so...

249
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:50,080
Did you say mammogram?

250
00:10:50,090 --> 00:10:52,690
Yeah, how'd you make
it sound so hot?

251
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:55,660
I was thinking that we
could study tonight
at my house.

252
00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:59,730
Tonight? Um, actually,
I don't think I can.

253
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:00,830
Oh, boo. Really?

254
00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:02,100
No. Not really.

255
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:05,230
Well, yeah. Uh, it's just, um...

256
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:07,770
I kind of have plans
I can't change, so...

257
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:09,040
Do you?

258
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,540
Yes. I do,

259
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,670
have plans.

260
00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:15,610
Maybe, uh, you can study
with Arthur instead?

261
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,880
Oh, you're serious?

262
00:11:24,890 --> 00:11:26,790
That's okay. I'll just...

263
00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:28,090
I'll just fail it.

264
00:11:28,090 --> 00:11:29,790
No, Angela, don't worry.

265
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:33,360
Rob will reassess his
schedule and get
back to you a.S.A.F'ing.P.

266
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:38,730
Thanks. By the way,
rob, that coat makes
you look<i> so</i> professorial.

267
00:11:48,510 --> 00:11:51,340
She wants to fuck you.

268
00:11:51,350 --> 00:11:53,710
Her nickname is "after
school special" for a
reason.

269
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:53,710
I know.

270
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,720
Freshman year, she cured
Mike Dolan's stutter.

271
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,620
Her pussy inspired
"the king's speech."

272
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:00,690
I just can't just bail
on gabs, you know?

273
00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:03,160
I mean, we watch the
spelling bee every year.
It's our thing.

274
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,030
You've been borderline
stalking Angela as
long as we've been friends.

275
00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:07,290
We've been friends
since we were 5.

276
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:07,290
Not exactly.

277
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:09,200
You took time to grow on me.

278
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,860
I didn't consider you
a friend until 61.

279
00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:10,860
Wait, seriously?

280
00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:13,470
Look, Angela has
sex with grown men.

281
00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:16,270
She hasn't slept with
a high-school student
since elementary school.

282
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,800
She's making an
exception for you.

283
00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,170
This is too much pressure
for me today.

284
00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:20,410
Okay, well, let me ask you this.

285
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,870
Has she ever invited you
over to her house before?

286
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,180
No, and stop, okay? Please.

287
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:27,380
Because I am panicking, and
I cannot shit these gym shorts.

288
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,880
Ew.
Did he really just say that?

289
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,090
The poem tells of a talking
raven's mysterious visit to a

290
00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:37,990
distraught lover, tracing's
he man's slow fall into
madness.

291
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:41,860
I'll start reading and then
we'll go around the room
counterclockwise.

292
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:41,860
Okay.

293
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:46,470
As I recite the poem, look
for the repetition of the word

294
00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:48,500
"nevermore."

295
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,440
"Once upon a midnight dreary,

296
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,040
while I pondered weak and weary,

297
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,240
over many a quaint and curious

298
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,910
volume of forgotten lore"...

299
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,610
You know, I looked at last
year's yearbook, and her tits

300
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,450
were not that big.

301
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:04,250
There has definitely been
a cosmetic enhancement.

302
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,750
At least two of them.

303
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,350
Definitely.

304
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:11,190
When I die, I want to come
back as her top button,
you know?

305
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,530
Yeah.

306
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:13,790
Or a guy who's fucking her.

307
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:14,730
That'd be cool.

308
00:13:14,730 --> 00:13:18,100
That would be cool.

309
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:19,700
Dude, come on.

310
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:22,970
I have something to add.

311
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,280
I need rob crabbe to
the main office.

312
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,380
Rob.

313
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,520
Is that supposed to be
the Georgetown mascot?

314
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,920
'Cause you know it's a bulldog.

315
00:13:44,930 --> 00:13:46,660
I can't draw bulldogs.

316
00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:50,730
"the silken sad uncertain

317
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,570
rustling of each purple curtain

318
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,270
filled me with fantastic terrors

319
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:57,900
never felt before."

320
00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:01,170
Didn't Stanley go to
the lost and found?

321
00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:03,010
They only had Capri pants.

322
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,240
Mm-hmm.

323
00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:06,350
Are you my escort?

324
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:07,280
At your service.

325
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:11,320
Oh, I have bad news for you.

326
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:11,320
What?

327
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:16,190
Pongsaklek wonjongkam,
who is a boy, by the way,
misspelled

328
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,560
"endoradiosonde" in the second
preliminary round.

329
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:19,560
Are you serious?

330
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:24,630
Shit. I did not see
either of those coming.

331
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,600
Well...

332
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,100
Here we are.

333
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,070
You're gonna nail
it. I know it.

334
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:32,870
You think?

335
00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:34,140
Yes.

336
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:36,080
I mean, who can
resist those legs?

337
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:47,890
Rob crabbe?

338
00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:47,890
Yes.

339
00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:51,820
Jack roth, Georgetown
admissions.
Good to meet you.

340
00:14:51,830 --> 00:14:54,030
Please take a seat.

341
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,530
Uh, before we begin, allow me

342
00:14:56,530 --> 00:14:59,270
to apologize for the shorts.

343
00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:04,500
Some of my classmates thought
it might be amusing if uhh...

344
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:06,570
bullies.

345
00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:08,410
What was their weapon of choice?

346
00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:11,810
A piss-filled water gun.
Direct hit.

347
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,710
Say no more. I'll pretend
they're pants.

348
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,650
Look, everything I've read
about you is great, so I'm

349
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,350
really here just to put
a face with the name.

350
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:23,790
Are those your notes?

351
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:28,530
Give them to me.

352
00:15:28,530 --> 00:15:31,160
You don't need notes.

353
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:32,670
Just be yourself.

354
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,330
And it's okay if you don't
know who that is yet.

355
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:38,770
That's what college is for...
to figure out who you are.

356
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,370
Right? Not what somebody else

357
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:44,680
wants you to be, but who you...

358
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,910
Really...

359
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,480
Are.

360
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,550
Just answer the
questions honestly.

361
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:52,890
You're gonna do fine, all right?

362
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:54,520
Okay.

363
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,120
I see that your parents both

364
00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:00,230
graduated from Georgetown.

365
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:02,630
Yeah. Both my mom and dad.

366
00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,360
They met there, actually.

367
00:16:04,370 --> 00:16:06,300
Uh, some kids grow up hearing

368
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,670
about oz or wonderland.

369
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,400
All my fairy tales took place in

370
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,310
the mythical land of Georgetown.

371
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:23,450
I'm sorry.

372
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:29,260
I met my wife...

373
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:31,290
At Georgetown, too.

374
00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:35,130
But then...

375
00:16:35,130 --> 00:16:36,830
Lupus.

376
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,500
I'm sorry.

377
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,740
It feels like it
happened yesterday.
It was 10 months ago.

378
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:49,080
I'm just having a moment, okay?

379
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:49,810
Yeah, no.

380
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:50,980
Please, take your time.

381
00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:52,310
No, no, no.
Let's do this.

382
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:53,110
Let's do this.

383
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,730
You know who the biggest bully

384
00:17:06,730 --> 00:17:08,760
is?

385
00:17:09,130 --> 00:17:10,600
Lupus?

386
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:11,730
No!

387
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,730
It's life!

388
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,600
Life is the biggest
bully of them all.

389
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:16,870
They'll shoot you with a

390
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,470
piss-filled water pistol
again and again and again.

391
00:17:19,470 --> 00:17:22,510
You got to just get
up, carry on.

392
00:17:22,510 --> 00:17:24,110
Smell like piss.

393
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:26,980
Life is the biggest fucking

394
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,280
bully of them all.

395
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:32,150
I am sorry.

396
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,150
Whoa!

397
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,060
Detour.

398
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,390
Oh, lookit here.

399
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:41,990
It says that you were, uh, part

400
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,930
of the student-to-student

401
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,700
tutoring initiative.

402
00:17:49,970 --> 00:17:52,470
Mr. roth?

403
00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:57,180
My wife
was my tutor.

404
00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,510
That is how we met.

405
00:17:58,510 --> 00:17:59,480
Oh, God.

406
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,150
That's how we met.

407
00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:04,850
And now she's gone.

408
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,620
Um...

409
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:12,090
I have my dad's headband, so...

410
00:18:13,530 --> 00:18:14,530
Thank you.

411
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:17,830
Oh.

412
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:27,970
How'd it go?

413
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:29,810
He cried.

414
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:31,410
Somehow I reminded him of the

415
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:35,350
greatest loss of his life.

416
00:18:35,350 --> 00:18:36,780
There goes Georgetown.

417
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,280
It's not the end of the world.

418
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:40,120
It's just your dad talking.
There are other schools.

419
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,820
Imagine for one second
that you had any goals
whatsoever,

420
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:44,520
and then imagine if
they didn't happen.

421
00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:46,960
This is exactly why I
don't have goals.

422
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,930
Look, you can still
get into Georgetown.

423
00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,630
And if you can't, focus on one

424
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,060
thing you can still get into...

425
00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:53,630
Angela.

426
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:54,470
You're insane.

427
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:56,500
She doesn't want to...

428
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,610
you could become a
beautiful non-virgin
butterfly.

429
00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:02,340
Let Angela's crotch
be your cocoon.

430
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:06,550
Hey. Angela.

431
00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:07,850
Rob.

432
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:08,980
Nice shorts.

433
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,180
Uh, thanks.

434
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:11,550
Uh, long story.

435
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,050
But, um...

436
00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:14,490
I can tutor you tonight.

437
00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:15,220
Really?

438
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,490
Yeah.

439
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,890
Oh, rob you're such
a life saver.

440
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,030
Oh, I can help you out with
your test, but miss marconi is

441
00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:24,530
on her own with her... Mammogram.

442
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,300
Hey. I've been looking
all over for you.

443
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,940
Hey, how was your, uh...

444
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:33,640
Really?

445
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,840
Uh, yeah.

446
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,180
I, um...

447
00:19:36,180 --> 00:19:37,510
I pulled a wonjongkam.

448
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,180
No. What happened.

449
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,610
I'd rather not relive it.

450
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,550
Hey, so, listen, um...

451
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,220
I don't think I can
make it tonight.

452
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,420
I, uh, I'm just not
feeling up to it.

453
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:51,260
You sure? Might cheer you up.

454
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:54,260
Yeah, you know, another time.

455
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:55,460
Um...

456
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,460
It's just my future's in doubt.

457
00:19:57,470 --> 00:19:59,530
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's okay.

458
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,140
I don't know why
you feel so bad.

459
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:08,370
Because I just lied to gabs.

460
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:09,510
I feel awful.

461
00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:11,040
Good. We can use that.

462
00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:12,010
What?

463
00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:12,950
Well, guilt is a blessing.

464
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,580
It'll make you last longer.

465
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:15,550
You can only go four minutes

466
00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:16,920
when it's just you
and the tissues.

467
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,550
Yeah, and I'm feeling plenty
of guilt then, too.

468
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:22,490
Well, we'll need
something stronger.

469
00:20:22,490 --> 00:20:24,990
Remember when I accidentally
exposed my baldy?

470
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,190
Ugh. Yeah.

471
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:28,060
It looked like my
grandpa's elbow.

472
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,730
Yeah, use that.

473
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,230
That'll ruin things
for a little while.

474
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,030
That's good.

475
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,940
You know what you should do?

476
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:39,210
Buy the magnums, too.

477
00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:42,510
Then use the regular-sized
condom, but leave behind the

478
00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:43,780
Magnum wrapper.

479
00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:45,110
What's that gonna do?

480
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:48,910
Besides make her feel
like she has a giant vagina.

481
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,180
Um, I'll have the trojan ecstasy

482
00:20:51,190 --> 00:20:53,250
ultra-ribbed, please.

483
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,530
¶ Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh ¶

484
00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:03,560
¶ whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh ¶

485
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,230
¶ whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh ¶

486
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,970
¶ I love you ¶

487
00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:11,940
¶ you do, too ¶

488
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:13,240
oh!

489
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,650
I'm fine, you asshole!

490
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:28,420
¶ Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh ¶

491
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,960
¶ whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh ¶

492
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,030
¶ whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh ¶

493
00:21:35,030 --> 00:21:37,660
¶ I love you ¶

494
00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:40,200
¶ you do, too ¶

495
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,240
¶ you love you ¶

496
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,670
pussy?

497
00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:46,970
Excuse me?

498
00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:50,010
Are you here for pussy?

499
00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:52,010
I'm Angela's tutor.

500
00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:53,550
Is she home?

501
00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:55,920
I don't know.

502
00:21:56,580 --> 00:21:58,050
Mind if I check?

503
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,520
Do as you wish.

504
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:04,490
Hey.

505
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,930
Uzi, you know you
can smoke inside.

506
00:22:06,930 --> 00:22:09,400
Uh, no thank you.

507
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,100
Uzi's from Israel.
He's staying with
us for the

508
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,230
rest of the school year, so...

509
00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:14,170
Cool.

510
00:22:14,170 --> 00:22:17,100
When it's this quiet
back home...

511
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:20,140
A café explodes.

512
00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:23,540
Come on in.

513
00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:25,480
Okay.

514
00:22:28,050 --> 00:22:30,050
Ka-boom.

515
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,420
Uh... So...

516
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:40,760
Quadratic equations.

517
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,430
Believe me, it is a lot more

518
00:22:42,430 --> 00:22:44,430
exciting than it sounds.

519
00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:46,330
What are you doing?

520
00:22:46,330 --> 00:22:48,000
Sit on the bed.

521
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,030
Oh, yeah.

522
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,070
Uh, right.

523
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:53,410
Of course.

524
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,310
So, would you like some wine?

525
00:22:57,310 --> 00:22:58,580
It's white zinfandel.

526
00:22:58,580 --> 00:23:00,110
It's my mom's favorite.

527
00:23:00,110 --> 00:23:01,410
It's absolutely delish.

528
00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:02,550
No thanks.

529
00:23:02,550 --> 00:23:05,320
Math pairs better
with a robust red.

530
00:23:07,390 --> 00:23:08,690
Is your mom home?

531
00:23:08,690 --> 00:23:10,490
No, she works at night.

532
00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:12,560
It's just me and uzi.

533
00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:16,100
Oh, my God!

534
00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:17,360
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!

535
00:23:17,370 --> 00:23:18,760
Don't worry about it.

536
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,140
So, uh...

537
00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:28,140
What... what exactly is your

538
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:31,810
test on tomorrow?

539
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:33,410
Can I confess something to you?

540
00:23:33,410 --> 00:23:34,550
You don't have a dead wife or

541
00:23:34,550 --> 00:23:35,480
anything, do you?

542
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,850
'Cause I can't take
that again today.

543
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,550
No.

544
00:23:40,550 --> 00:23:43,020
I don't really have
a test tomorrow.

545
00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:43,990
You don't?

546
00:23:43,990 --> 00:23:45,460
No

547
00:23:45,460 --> 00:23:48,630
I just really like
studying with you.

548
00:23:48,630 --> 00:23:50,460
I really like studying
with you, too.

549
00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:51,660
Your grades are
really improving.

550
00:23:51,670 --> 00:23:51,660
Yeah.

551
00:23:51,670 --> 00:23:56,000
The studying sessions are,
like, the highlight
of my week.

552
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,170
They are?

553
00:23:57,170 --> 00:23:59,370
Yeah.

554
00:23:59,370 --> 00:24:00,610
When I'm with you, I don't know.

555
00:24:00,610 --> 00:24:03,280
You don't treat me
like everyone else.

556
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,710
I just feel... I don't know.

557
00:24:05,710 --> 00:24:07,810
Safe.

558
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:12,380
I was captain of the safety
patrol team in 8th grade.

559
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,160
Wait.

560
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,660
Maybe we should...

561
00:24:24,670 --> 00:24:27,730
oh, that... that is nice.

562
00:24:33,610 --> 00:24:35,240
Just... Throw the sheets in

563
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,310
the laundry, hon.

564
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,180
What the f...

565
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:52,190
It's okay.

566
00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,730
She's in the laundry room.

567
00:24:53,730 --> 00:24:55,290
Sit down.

568
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,000
We both know how important
today's interview is.

569
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,540
Rob?

570
00:25:04,540 --> 00:25:07,740
The interview is today?

571
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:11,280
Don't "f" with me, Robert.

572
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,640
When you were benched in little

573
00:25:12,650 --> 00:25:16,680
league and your team
played with eight players,
I said nothing.

574
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,520
When you were bullied by
Sally levinson, I said nothing.

575
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:25,760
When you lost the class
presidency to a raccoon,
huh, I said nothing.

576
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:30,730
But this interview is far
too important for me to
sit idly by and say nothing.

577
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:36,670
I want you to wear this
during the interview.

578
00:25:36,670 --> 00:25:36,670
The headband.

579
00:25:36,670 --> 00:25:42,270
This is my old headband from
when I rowed crew at Georgetown.

580
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,250
Today's the day you
make me proud.

581
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:51,920
It would save me time if I would

582
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,420
just put down newspaper on

583
00:25:53,420 --> 00:25:56,990
his... Bed.

584
00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,930
Rob!

585
00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:05,700
Yo, rob!

586
00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:07,470
Ah!

587
00:26:13,670 --> 00:26:17,210
So, I'm about to blow my
load when she says, "wait."

588
00:26:17,210 --> 00:26:20,250
She then stands up,
gets dressed, and leaves.

589
00:26:20,250 --> 00:26:22,350
Before she goes, she turns to me

590
00:26:22,350 --> 00:26:25,520
and says, "okay. Come now."

591
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,990
And boom. I came.

592
00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,430
What the fuck are you doing?

593
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:47,040
Why are you dressed
like Ellen degeneres?

594
00:26:51,950 --> 00:26:54,450
No, he sent me this
fucked-up YouTube clip.

595
00:26:54,450 --> 00:26:55,750
Some mma guy got punched in the

596
00:26:55,750 --> 00:26:58,550
nuts so hard he
shit himself and came.

597
00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:00,820
Hey, you pissed at me
or something?

598
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:00,820
What? No.

599
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:04,420
I'm just... Really out of it.

600
00:27:04,430 --> 00:27:06,090
I don't think I slept so good.

601
00:27:06,090 --> 00:27:08,030
I was having a crazy dream.

602
00:27:08,030 --> 00:27:10,030
And a good morning to you both.

603
00:27:10,030 --> 00:27:12,600
Hey, gabs. Arthur.

604
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:13,400
What time are you
flying out, Artie?

605
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:13,400
Funny, Stanley.

606
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,900
Too bad the special
Olympics doesn't have
a comedy competition.

607
00:27:17,910 --> 00:27:19,370
So, rob, Gabrielle told me your

608
00:27:19,370 --> 00:27:24,640
Georgetown interview is today?

609
00:27:24,650 --> 00:27:27,650
Does anyone know the
warning signs of a stroke?

610
00:27:27,650 --> 00:27:28,510
Good morning.

611
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:29,820
Hi, Mr. Hughes.

612
00:27:29,820 --> 00:27:32,220
Arthur, I thought you
were gonna be here early.

613
00:27:32,220 --> 00:27:34,690
Excuse me for a second.

614
00:27:36,290 --> 00:27:38,360
You know, I kind of
feel bad for him.

615
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:38,360
Why?

616
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,290
Probably because he
has one eyebrow.

617
00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:42,030
And it's thicker than...

618
00:27:42,030 --> 00:27:43,900
Sam elliott's mustache.

619
00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:47,700
So, I was thinking every
time they ask for alternate

620
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,330
pronunciations, we could drink.

621
00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:55,340
Rob! Yo, rob!

622
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:56,880
Hey!

623
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:57,710
Are you kidding me?

624
00:27:57,710 --> 00:27:58,810
You're volleyball players.

625
00:27:58,810 --> 00:28:00,080
You don't get to pick on people.

626
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,050
Set me.

627
00:28:01,050 --> 00:28:02,050
Oh!

628
00:28:02,050 --> 00:28:03,650
Ooh! Damn!

629
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:07,950
It's piss.

630
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,660
Okay, um...

631
00:28:09,660 --> 00:28:11,660
Well, that'll dry by
the interview, right?

632
00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:13,460
Yeah, but he smells
like a urinal cake.

633
00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:15,490
I have my test next
period, so I got to go.

634
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,630
Um...

635
00:28:16,630 --> 00:28:18,000
Stanley, go to
the lost and found...

636
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:18,960
no, it's fine.

637
00:28:18,970 --> 00:28:20,170
I'll just wear the shorts in my

638
00:28:20,170 --> 00:28:21,200
gym locker.

639
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,000
Really? You sure?

640
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,300
Stay calm.

641
00:28:25,310 --> 00:28:26,540
Take a deep breath.

642
00:28:26,540 --> 00:28:28,610
No, seriously. I'm good.

643
00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:37,580
This was the dream.

644
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,620
You dreamed about today?

645
00:28:41,620 --> 00:28:42,850
Yeah.

646
00:28:42,860 --> 00:28:44,990
Lisa's telling you to come.

647
00:28:44,990 --> 00:28:47,390
The piss gun.

648
00:28:47,390 --> 00:28:49,800
And Angela yearwood wants to

649
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,530
have sex with me.

650
00:28:51,530 --> 00:28:52,300
Bullshit.

651
00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:55,700
Hey. I have a test next period.

652
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:57,870
Are all the people you
tutor this self-absorbed?

653
00:28:57,870 --> 00:28:59,200
Hi, rob.

654
00:28:59,210 --> 00:29:01,440
So, I know our tutoring
session wasn't supposed
to be until

655
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,080
Thursday, but I was kind of,

656
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,510
like, hoping that we could
schedule an emergency session.

657
00:29:05,510 --> 00:29:07,680
Miss marconi moved the test up.

658
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,480
She's getting a
mammogram tomorrow.

659
00:29:13,820 --> 00:29:15,420
Mammogram.

660
00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:20,230
How could you even focus
on your interview right now?

661
00:29:20,230 --> 00:29:21,160
In the dream, I bombed it.

662
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:21,160
Who cares?

663
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:25,130
Angela will make everything
in the world right again.

664
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,170
I need rob crabbe to
the main office.

665
00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:31,170
Rob.

666
00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:35,540
You know, I bombed
the Angela thing, too.

667
00:29:42,980 --> 00:29:44,220
That's right.

668
00:29:44,220 --> 00:29:45,980
What?

669
00:29:45,990 --> 00:29:49,960
Nothing.

670
00:29:50,590 --> 00:29:52,560
Are you ready?

671
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:53,790
Do I look ready?

672
00:29:53,790 --> 00:29:55,860
The outfit weirdly
works for you.

673
00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:57,800
No, it doesn't.

674
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,470
Nope. Not at all.

675
00:30:00,470 --> 00:30:01,900
Oh, I have bad news for you.

676
00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:06,340
Yeah, pongsaklek wonjongkam
misspelled "endoradiosonde."

677
00:30:06,340 --> 00:30:08,670
My wife was
my tutor. That's how we met.

678
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,510
Oh, God. Jesus.

679
00:30:11,980 --> 00:30:14,510
She's gone.

680
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,950
So?

681
00:30:19,950 --> 00:30:22,650
Don't shut me out!

682
00:30:22,660 --> 00:30:23,860
Hey, rob!

683
00:30:25,260 --> 00:30:25,960
Are you okay?

684
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:25,960
Yeah. Why?

685
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,900
I just thought you'd be
more excited to come
over tonight.

686
00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:29,900
That's all.

687
00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:31,900
You know, if you
have other plans.

688
00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:31,900
You know what?

689
00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:35,200
I can tutor you tonight, so...

690
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,240
You're a life saver!

691
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,380
Um... Help me? I'm sick.

692
00:30:51,390 --> 00:30:52,250
What's wrong?

693
00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:53,590
I have no idea.

694
00:30:53,590 --> 00:30:58,290
I'm having déjà vu or, like,
a psychotic episode, and
I really

695
00:30:58,290 --> 00:31:00,790
need your help because
I'm falling apart.

696
00:31:00,790 --> 00:31:01,990
Okay.

697
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,560
Put this under your tongue.

698
00:31:06,570 --> 00:31:09,000
That's your timer, Neal.

699
00:31:13,540 --> 00:31:14,740
No fever, Neal.

700
00:31:14,740 --> 00:31:17,040
You're not sick, honey.

701
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,710
You can go back to class.

702
00:31:24,620 --> 00:31:27,650
Yeah, you know what?
I'll just figure it out.

703
00:31:27,650 --> 00:31:29,120
Feel better, Neal.

704
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:33,960
There's never a bad time
to get an std from Angela
yearwood.

705
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,300
Even if she gave you a
fatal one, your doctor
would still high-five you.

706
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,800
Shit. I never canceled
with gabs.

707
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:42,600
Who cares?

708
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,140
Angela's about to deflower you.

709
00:31:44,140 --> 00:31:46,810
Please smile.

710
00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:52,810
Could I have the trojan
ecstasy ultra-ribbed, please?

711
00:31:52,810 --> 00:31:57,050
¶ Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh ¶

712
00:31:57,050 --> 00:31:59,720
¶ I love you ¶

713
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,120
¶ you do, too ¶

714
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,720
oh, shit. This is where... aah!

715
00:32:06,390 --> 00:32:09,060
Are you here for pussy?

716
00:32:09,060 --> 00:32:09,860
Hey.

717
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:18,270
Can I confess something to you?

718
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:20,740
I don't really have
a test tomorrow.

719
00:32:20,740 --> 00:32:22,610
I know.

720
00:32:29,750 --> 00:32:30,750
Oh, no.

721
00:32:39,130 --> 00:32:40,760
Just... Throw the sheets in

722
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,690
the LA...

723
00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:44,730
today's the day you
make me proud.

724
00:32:44,730 --> 00:32:47,230
Rob! Ah!

725
00:32:47,230 --> 00:32:48,800
She's getting a
mammogram tomorrow.

726
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:49,800
Nevermore.

727
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,200
I have some more bad
news for you.

728
00:32:58,950 --> 00:33:00,910
Not this time.

729
00:33:09,190 --> 00:33:09,990
Pussy?

730
00:33:09,990 --> 00:33:12,420
Can I confess something to you?

731
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:22,670
Just... Throw the sheets
in the laundry, hon.

732
00:33:22,670 --> 00:33:26,340
What the fuck is happening?!

733
00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:27,970
Is everything okay?

734
00:33:27,980 --> 00:33:30,180
Yeah! Yeah.

735
00:33:30,180 --> 00:33:33,140
I'll just... I'll throw
the sheets in the laundry.

736
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:41,450
Do you want this to end?

737
00:33:41,460 --> 00:33:45,120
'Cause  I think you're
getting a pretty good deal here.

738
00:33:45,130 --> 00:33:48,030
We're having sex. The
least you can do is
hold my hand in school.

739
00:33:48,030 --> 00:33:52,230
Look, the whole reason that
this works is because I get to

740
00:33:52,230 --> 00:33:54,730
practice for when I meet
the right guy in college, okay?

741
00:33:54,740 --> 00:33:57,200
'Cause as far as anyone
who really matters is concerned,

742
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,600
you don't exist.

743
00:34:01,210 --> 00:34:03,240
The hell are you doing here?

744
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,210
I have something I
need to tell you.

745
00:34:05,210 --> 00:34:06,980
There is only one explanation.

746
00:34:06,980 --> 00:34:09,480
Your virginity is
driving you insane.

747
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,280
It's like one of those videos
we saw in Ms. depanorizzi's
health class.

748
00:34:12,290 --> 00:34:13,490
You know, how little Timmy went

749
00:34:13,490 --> 00:34:15,520
berserk because he masturbated
too much.

750
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:20,830
No, I know. It's just...
I swear this all feels
too real.

751
00:34:20,830 --> 00:34:21,730
Way too real.

752
00:34:21,730 --> 00:34:24,000
Sounds like a
delusional disorder.

753
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,730
Unlike hallucinations, your

754
00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:28,800
actual belief in these events is
clearly pathological.

755
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:29,800
An antipsychotic will help

756
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,040
reduce your dopamine levels.

757
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:32,840
You'll be fine.

758
00:34:34,770 --> 00:34:35,870
My dad's a psychiatrist.

759
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,210
I know what will help.

760
00:34:37,210 --> 00:34:38,810
What?

761
00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:39,540
A threesome.

762
00:34:39,550 --> 00:34:40,380
With me?

763
00:34:40,380 --> 00:34:41,350
Yeah. With you.

764
00:34:41,350 --> 00:34:43,080
It's a win-win-win.

765
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:47,020
Look, you get some pre-college
practice, rob has sex and is no
longer driven mad by his

766
00:34:47,020 --> 00:34:51,190
virginal status, and I bust
a nut before 8:00 in the
morning.

767
00:34:51,190 --> 00:34:52,360
What do you say?

768
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:56,030
Yeah, but what actually
happens in a threesome?

769
00:34:56,030 --> 00:34:57,400
Does that mean that you and I...

770
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,930
mnh-mnh, rob, you and
I will not be having sex.

771
00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:02,130
We'd be boning Lisa.

772
00:35:02,140 --> 00:35:03,330
At the same time?

773
00:35:03,340 --> 00:35:04,200
It all depends.

774
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,470
There are different methods.

775
00:35:05,470 --> 00:35:07,440
You know, we could take turns...

776
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:08,470
okay.

777
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:09,770
Do you really think that I would

778
00:35:09,780 --> 00:35:12,610
have a threesome with
the two of you?

779
00:35:12,610 --> 00:35:13,280
Maybe.

780
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:13,980
Okay, look.

781
00:35:13,980 --> 00:35:15,880
Threesomes are... Special.

782
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:17,350
They're specifically reserved

783
00:35:17,350 --> 00:35:20,120
for when I find the man
that I'm going to marry.

784
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,420
And then a friend of
his choice, of course.

785
00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:27,290
You know, that's how
you make marriages work.

786
00:35:27,290 --> 00:35:30,500
Oh, and, Stanley, you
can come now.

787
00:35:33,630 --> 00:35:35,070
You too, rob.

788
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,810
Just... Throw the sheets in

789
00:35:43,810 --> 00:35:45,880
the laundry, hon.

790
00:35:50,850 --> 00:35:53,320
He's a young man!

791
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,790
Are you kidding me with this?!

792
00:35:55,790 --> 00:35:58,460
It's like he's regressing
right before our eyes!

793
00:35:58,460 --> 00:35:59,590
He has a big day, probably

794
00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:01,130
just needed to relieve
some tension.

795
00:36:01,130 --> 00:36:03,460
That was a lot<i> of</i> tension!

796
00:36:03,460 --> 00:36:05,860
Our son is turning
into this pervert!

797
00:36:05,870 --> 00:36:07,870
When I was that age,
I could fill a bucket.

798
00:36:07,870 --> 00:36:10,640
Yeah? Well, sweetie,
you can still fill a bucket.

799
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,240
It's just a little squirt.

800
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,710
A little squirt?!

801
00:36:14,710 --> 00:36:17,880
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

802
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,410
So, I went to Angela's house

803
00:36:20,410 --> 00:36:23,880
one, two, three times, and then

804
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,220
I went and saw Stanley and Lisa.

805
00:36:26,220 --> 00:36:28,650
And then we almost
had a threesome.

806
00:36:28,660 --> 00:36:30,490
And then...

807
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:45,070
Is that a 48-inch...

808
00:36:45,070 --> 00:36:46,970
sure is.

809
00:36:49,940 --> 00:36:53,180
I'm gonna do my own
laundry from now on.

810
00:37:02,620 --> 00:37:05,420
Hey!

811
00:37:05,430 --> 00:37:06,620
Gabs!

812
00:37:06,630 --> 00:37:08,360
Gabrielle, stop!

813
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:09,930
Gabrielle!

814
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,800
Rob? Are you okay?
You look insane.

815
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:15,670
Did you see Gabrielle?

816
00:37:15,670 --> 00:37:17,270
Yeah. She went inside.

817
00:37:17,270 --> 00:37:19,440
Dude, I called your phone
like a thousand times.

818
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,170
The most amazing thing
happened to me this morning.

819
00:37:21,170 --> 00:37:24,710
I know. Lisa's totally become
a master at jizzekinesis!

820
00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:27,050
Jizzekinesis!

821
00:37:28,610 --> 00:37:30,380
Gabs!

822
00:37:31,420 --> 00:37:32,680
Gabs! Hey!

823
00:37:32,690 --> 00:37:33,990
Gabs!

824
00:37:33,990 --> 00:37:35,690
That's what you're
wearing to your
interview?

825
00:37:35,690 --> 00:37:36,520
Huh?

826
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:37,960
Oh, no, no, no, no.

827
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,160
Hey, um, I need to talk to you.

828
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:40,020
It's really important.

829
00:37:40,030 --> 00:37:40,830
Sure. Are you okay?

830
00:37:40,830 --> 00:37:41,560
Not really.

831
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,260
Let's go somewhere maybe and...

832
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:46,360
Oh, yeah!

833
00:37:46,370 --> 00:37:48,730
You think that's funny?!

834
00:37:48,740 --> 00:37:50,030
Whoa!

835
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,870
Chill out!

836
00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:56,880
That wasn't yours to touch.

837
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:57,980
Rob, I think we should go now.

838
00:37:57,980 --> 00:38:00,480
Yeah, you should really
listen to your girlfriend.

839
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,380
You guys are taller and

840
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:03,720
you're better looking, but

841
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:05,180
that's not enough, is it?

842
00:38:05,190 --> 00:38:07,320
I mean, why do you pick
on guys like me?

843
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:08,150
You know what I think?

844
00:38:08,150 --> 00:38:09,750
I think you're gay and you don't

845
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,660
know how to handle it, so
you pick on me because, inside,

846
00:38:12,660 --> 00:38:15,790
society picks on you.

847
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:17,960
That's not cool.

848
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,700
Tommy's gay.

849
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:19,700
Oh, you are?

850
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:22,230
Yeah, it's not that
big of a deal.

851
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:24,000
The guys are super supportive.

852
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:24,800
Oh, that's so nice.

853
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:24,800
Yeah.

854
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,570
Yeah, I guess it would have
been worse if you guys
played a real sport, right?

855
00:38:30,740 --> 00:38:32,340
That came out wrong.

856
00:38:32,350 --> 00:38:33,140
Gabs, I got to go.

857
00:38:33,150 --> 00:38:34,980
Probably for the best.

858
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,720
Get him!

859
00:38:40,420 --> 00:38:44,090
Aaaaaah!

860
00:38:48,430 --> 00:38:49,360
Oh, rob! Can you...

861
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:51,430
no!

862
00:39:05,910 --> 00:39:07,680
Where is he?

863
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:11,280
Try that one.

864
00:39:14,090 --> 00:39:15,220
Oh, shit!

865
00:39:15,220 --> 00:39:15,920
Oh, no.

866
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:16,750
No, no, no, no, no.

867
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:17,520
Come on!

868
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:18,720
Get it open!

869
00:39:18,730 --> 00:39:20,530
It's stuck! It's stuck!

870
00:39:38,740 --> 00:39:41,080
One, two, three!

871
00:39:50,860 --> 00:39:53,590
Would you guys just stop
banging for like two seconds?

872
00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:01,470
Ugh! He's whacking!

873
00:40:07,740 --> 00:40:11,280
Just... Throw the sheets
in the laundry, hon.

874
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,150
Nothing happened.

875
00:40:21,250 --> 00:40:22,350
Mm.

876
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:23,490
Good morning.

877
00:40:23,490 --> 00:40:24,860
Sit down. I want to talk to you.

878
00:40:24,860 --> 00:40:26,660
Dad...

879
00:40:26,660 --> 00:40:29,860
Why is it so important to
you that I go to Georgetown?

880
00:40:29,860 --> 00:40:31,830
Well, I guess because that's

881
00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:34,870
where I met your mother
and my life really began.

882
00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:36,230
And you want that for me?

883
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:38,300
Yes, of course.

884
00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:41,740
Well, what if I don't need
Georgetown to get that?

885
00:40:41,740 --> 00:40:43,640
You don't want to
go to Georgetown?

886
00:40:44,780 --> 00:40:46,980
No, I'm... I'm just kidding.

887
00:40:46,980 --> 00:40:49,950
No, I just... I don't need
a pep talk, that's all.

888
00:40:49,950 --> 00:40:50,680
I got this.

889
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:56,350
You know, why don't you
just focus on planning
your trip to parents' weekend.

890
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,560
Okay.

891
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,430
All right.

892
00:41:00,430 --> 00:41:03,690
Have a good day.

893
00:41:05,660 --> 00:41:10,400
I proved the existence of
a sex jedi and you're just
speechless and smiling.

894
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,700
Do you think about
anything besides sex?

895
00:41:12,710 --> 00:41:15,170
Yeah. I think about
a lot of stuff.

896
00:41:15,180 --> 00:41:17,740
Like why we're still
reliant on foreign oil.

897
00:41:17,740 --> 00:41:19,440
What I'd look like
with a ponytail.

898
00:41:19,450 --> 00:41:20,610
You know?

899
00:41:20,610 --> 00:41:22,650
Why the sudden up tick
in peanut allergies?

900
00:41:22,650 --> 00:41:23,750
You know, there are other

901
00:41:23,750 --> 00:41:25,580
things in this
world besides sex.

902
00:41:25,590 --> 00:41:27,890
Other things to see
or do in this world.

903
00:41:27,890 --> 00:41:30,090
In this school, even.

904
00:41:30,090 --> 00:41:32,120
What the hell are you
talking about?

905
00:41:32,130 --> 00:41:35,330
I'm talking about living a
life without repercussions.

906
00:41:35,330 --> 00:41:36,030
Hi, guys.

907
00:41:36,030 --> 00:41:36,030
Hey, gabs.

908
00:41:36,030 --> 00:41:39,660
Hey, didn't your cousin
get admitted to South oaks?

909
00:41:39,670 --> 00:41:42,600
Yeah. He had a
psychotic break and burned
down his neighbor's shed.

910
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:43,730
Thank you for bringing that up.

911
00:41:43,740 --> 00:41:45,140
Uh-huh. We need to get rob
admitted there stat.

912
00:41:45,140 --> 00:41:45,140
He's fucking lost it.

913
00:41:45,140 --> 00:41:49,640
You know, I just woke up this
morning, and long story short, I

914
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,440
feel like I can do anything.

915
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,510
Okay. Can we talk about
that on the way to class?

916
00:41:53,510 --> 00:41:54,910
Yeah, let's go. I need
to make a poo.

917
00:41:54,910 --> 00:41:56,950
Yeah, you guys go.

918
00:41:56,950 --> 00:41:59,380
I don't really feel
like walking.

919
00:42:02,590 --> 00:42:04,120
Yeah, you're right.
He's acting weird.

920
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:05,320
Yeah. He's like the
douchey lama.

921
00:42:14,670 --> 00:42:16,570
Stop that golf cart!

922
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,240
Show me your hall pass.

923
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,210
Is there a hall pass
for golf carts?

924
00:42:22,210 --> 00:42:23,880
I'm gonna have to write you up.

925
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,480
You poor soul.

926
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,480
You don't know the power
that you possess.

927
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,680
I mean, you get beaten up
every day, and for what?

928
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,450
A line on a college résumé?

929
00:42:32,450 --> 00:42:34,890
I mean, what if instead of
writing people up, you used your

930
00:42:34,890 --> 00:42:37,320
position to your advantage,
got something out of it.

931
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:42,030
Like, tell me that you won't
write me up if I give you the
golf cart.

932
00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:43,190
You would do that?

933
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:43,960
Maybe.

934
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,700
Or... Excuse me, miss?

935
00:42:46,700 --> 00:42:48,670
Do you have a hall pass?

936
00:42:48,670 --> 00:42:50,300
Shit.

937
00:42:50,300 --> 00:42:51,540
No.

938
00:42:51,540 --> 00:42:53,440
Ah, I'm not sure what we can do.

939
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,240
You see, my friend here is a
hall monitor, and it is his job

940
00:42:57,240 --> 00:43:00,580
to write up students who roam
the halls without the necessary
paperwork.

941
00:43:00,580 --> 00:43:01,750
Please don't write me up.

942
00:43:01,750 --> 00:43:04,320
I'll get suspended if I get
written up again.

943
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,190
Will you French kiss him?

944
00:43:08,220 --> 00:43:09,490
Okay.

945
00:43:09,490 --> 00:43:10,450
But he can't tell anyone.

946
00:43:10,460 --> 00:43:11,520
Deal.

947
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,360
But give him something
to remember.

948
00:43:20,330 --> 00:43:22,270
This is what you're
doing with your day?

949
00:43:22,270 --> 00:43:24,940
Yeah, totally.

950
00:43:24,940 --> 00:43:26,700
Check this out.

951
00:43:26,710 --> 00:43:27,810
Where'd you get that?

952
00:43:27,810 --> 00:43:29,340
You know that creepy janitor?

953
00:43:29,340 --> 00:43:31,280
It turns out he's
not a pedophile.

954
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,580
He's just a drug dealer.

955
00:43:32,580 --> 00:43:33,240
Huh.

956
00:43:33,250 --> 00:43:35,350
Hop in.

957
00:43:43,220 --> 00:43:44,720
Should we be out here?

958
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:47,530
Nope.

959
00:43:47,530 --> 00:43:48,960
But that's what makes it fun?

960
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:49,760
Yep.

961
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,200
Mm-hmm.

962
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:52,230
And if we get caught?

963
00:43:53,100 --> 00:43:55,130
Don't worry about it.

964
00:43:55,130 --> 00:43:56,700
Just trust me.

965
00:43:56,700 --> 00:43:59,470
It's like that time that
you told me to tell
my gym teacher I

966
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:03,010
couldn't run the mile because
of my menstrual cramps.

967
00:44:03,010 --> 00:44:03,770
Did I do it?

968
00:44:03,780 --> 00:44:03,770
Yep.

969
00:44:03,780 --> 00:44:06,340
Mr. zizek still
calls you "tampon."

970
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:10,820
I didn't say I'm not
smoking with you.

971
00:44:10,820 --> 00:44:12,080
Come on.

972
00:44:12,090 --> 00:44:13,090
Light that thing up.

973
00:44:13,090 --> 00:44:14,990
Let us see if it is
really a gateway drug.

974
00:44:14,990 --> 00:44:17,260
Oh. It is.

975
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,360
A gateway to awesome.

976
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:32,400
Oh, thank you.

977
00:44:34,940 --> 00:44:36,710
Hey, you, um, would you like to

978
00:44:36,710 --> 00:44:39,510
hear something that I've
never told anyone ever?

979
00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:40,780
Yes.

980
00:44:40,780 --> 00:44:42,110
Freshman year, I thought that

981
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,980
parent/teacher night meant t
hat Mrs. wiley was going to be

982
00:44:44,980 --> 00:44:46,820
staying at my house for a night

983
00:44:46,820 --> 00:44:49,420
while my parents went away.

984
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:51,960
You would have to bomb your

985
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:53,890
house to get rid of the
stench of her perfume.

986
00:44:53,890 --> 00:44:55,130
Oh, God.

987
00:45:06,940 --> 00:45:08,770
How did we become friends?

988
00:45:08,780 --> 00:45:09,470
You don't remember?

989
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:10,810
No, it's not that I don't

990
00:45:10,810 --> 00:45:13,380
remember, it's just...

991
00:45:13,380 --> 00:45:16,880
It feels like you've
always been here.

992
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,880
Sorry.

993
00:45:18,890 --> 00:45:22,250
Weed must make me
uncomfortably deep.

994
00:45:22,260 --> 00:45:23,790
Uh-huh.

995
00:45:23,790 --> 00:45:26,520
Um... I was in the third grade

996
00:45:26,530 --> 00:45:29,090
and I was the new girl, the

997
00:45:29,100 --> 00:45:31,160
giant, 5'3" new girl.

998
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:33,430
And you were the only one who

999
00:45:33,430 --> 00:45:34,700
didn't laugh at me.

1000
00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:37,200
I was too scared to laugh.

1001
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:38,200
You were enormous.

1002
00:45:46,550 --> 00:45:48,650
Oh.

1003
00:45:53,750 --> 00:45:55,250
Hey.

1004
00:45:55,250 --> 00:45:56,350
No matter where we end up next

1005
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,420
year, we have to watch
the spelling bee together.

1006
00:45:59,430 --> 00:46:02,530
Of course we will.

1007
00:46:02,530 --> 00:46:06,100
I'm really sorry that
I blew you off this time.

1008
00:46:06,100 --> 00:46:08,030
I'll never do it again.

1009
00:46:08,030 --> 00:46:11,840
When did you blow me off?

1010
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:16,540
I meant... I meant to say I
would never blow you off.

1011
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:19,880
Sorry.

1012
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,680
This stuff must really
be killing brain cells.

1013
00:46:24,850 --> 00:46:26,480
It's nice to get out like

1014
00:46:26,490 --> 00:46:27,720
this once in awhile.

1015
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:28,690
You know?

1016
00:46:28,690 --> 00:46:30,220
Get out of class, live a little.

1017
00:46:30,220 --> 00:46:31,260
Yeah.

1018
00:46:31,260 --> 00:46:32,220
We should have done something

1019
00:46:32,230 --> 00:46:33,230
like this sooner.

1020
00:46:33,790 --> 00:46:35,560
I always wanted to.

1021
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,400
Mm-hmm.

1022
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,730
You know what?

1023
00:46:39,730 --> 00:46:41,130
Come on.

1024
00:46:41,130 --> 00:46:42,570
Where are we going?

1025
00:46:42,570 --> 00:46:47,470
There's something else I've
always wanted to do.

1026
00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:53,310
Here.

1027
00:46:53,310 --> 00:46:54,680
It's pretty good, but kind of

1028
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,580
illegal.

1029
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,230
Oh, God.

1030
00:47:14,330 --> 00:47:17,870
Hold on!

1031
00:47:17,870 --> 00:47:19,470
Oh, hi, Mr. Hughes.

1032
00:47:19,470 --> 00:47:21,570
Rob, this is the
teachers' lounge.

1033
00:47:21,570 --> 00:47:21,570
Yeah, I know.

1034
00:47:21,570 --> 00:47:26,680
Um, hey, you wouldn't happen
to have a match or anything,
would you?

1035
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,180
No? All right. Cool.

1036
00:47:28,180 --> 00:47:30,180
Well, um, I should
probably get going.

1037
00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:31,880
But you should probably flush

1038
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,950
again, just in case.

1039
00:47:46,970 --> 00:47:48,200
What was it like in there?

1040
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:49,600
It was very comfortable.

1041
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,470
There was a great selection
of reading material.

1042
00:47:51,470 --> 00:47:53,270
Hm.

1043
00:48:03,820 --> 00:48:04,820
I fucking love doughnuts.

1044
00:48:08,990 --> 00:48:11,690
You know, all I'm saying is
that you have an inner
strength

1045
00:48:11,690 --> 00:48:13,290
that one day I hope to have.

1046
00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:13,990
Thank you.

1047
00:48:13,990 --> 00:48:16,960
Shh. Hey. Don't thank me.

1048
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,160
Okay? Because I am not
important right now.

1049
00:48:19,170 --> 00:48:22,870
My interview? That
is not important.

1050
00:48:25,540 --> 00:48:27,840
I'm never gonna forget you.

1051
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:29,670
I know.

1052
00:48:39,790 --> 00:48:41,120
Whoa!

1053
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,150
Hey!

1054
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:44,260
Whoo!

1055
00:48:44,260 --> 00:48:45,820
What the fuck was that?

1056
00:48:45,830 --> 00:48:48,230
Two men. Connecting.

1057
00:48:48,230 --> 00:48:49,230
Okay, cut the shit.

1058
00:48:49,230 --> 00:48:50,390
What is up with you today?

1059
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:51,630
Gabs and I are worried.

1060
00:48:51,630 --> 00:48:52,360
I'm not worried.

1061
00:48:52,370 --> 00:48:53,530
Dude, I've told you.

1062
00:48:53,530 --> 00:48:54,630
You don't get it.

1063
00:48:54,630 --> 00:48:55,730
When did you tell me?

1064
00:48:55,740 --> 00:48:57,330
Three this mornings ago.

1065
00:48:57,340 --> 00:48:58,500
It's okay, okay?

1066
00:48:58,500 --> 00:49:01,340
Because I didn't really get it,
either, but I do now.

1067
00:49:01,340 --> 00:49:03,840
Today is a gift.

1068
00:49:04,980 --> 00:49:05,980
Come on.

1069
00:49:05,980 --> 00:49:08,280
I just got an idea.

1070
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:09,680
Okay, so, as I told you guys

1071
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,250
yesterday, tomorrow's quiz will

1072
00:49:11,250 --> 00:49:14,150
be on chapters 5 through 7, and

1073
00:49:14,150 --> 00:49:15,890
what you want to look...

1074
00:49:15,890 --> 00:49:20,160
Mr. crabbe, your class
was two periods ago.

1075
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:20,960
You missed it.

1076
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,060
I know. I was taking a shit.

1077
00:49:23,060 --> 00:49:25,630
Excuse me?

1078
00:49:27,930 --> 00:49:29,070
Oh, my God.

1079
00:49:29,070 --> 00:49:30,530
What's he doing?

1080
00:49:30,540 --> 00:49:32,340
They're very firm, Stanley.

1081
00:49:32,340 --> 00:49:33,840
Like, spongy.

1082
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,640
Does that mean they're fake?

1083
00:49:37,580 --> 00:49:38,640
Oh, my God!

1084
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:39,380
Thank you.

1085
00:49:39,380 --> 00:49:40,510
Sweet.

1086
00:49:40,510 --> 00:49:41,780
I think I smoked too much weed.

1087
00:49:41,780 --> 00:49:43,310
Did he just feel up
Ms. hartnett?

1088
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:44,720
Mm-hmm. I think she
called the cops.

1089
00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:46,780
It was worth it.

1090
00:49:53,060 --> 00:49:55,190
Are these seats taken, Sally?

1091
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:07,400
It has been a long time.

1092
00:50:07,410 --> 00:50:09,310
Whoa!

1093
00:50:09,310 --> 00:50:10,840
That was for the 4th grade!

1094
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,110
Right?

1095
00:50:17,180 --> 00:50:19,220
Oh, shit.

1096
00:50:27,390 --> 00:50:29,730
Aaaah!

1097
00:50:39,770 --> 00:50:40,900
Save yourself, rob!

1098
00:50:40,910 --> 00:50:42,940
Grab her tit!

1099
00:50:42,940 --> 00:50:43,840
I'm grabbing her tit!

1100
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:44,540
Aah!

1101
00:50:44,540 --> 00:50:45,740
I'm grabbing your tit!

1102
00:50:45,750 --> 00:50:48,580
Squeeze it till milk comes out!

1103
00:50:48,580 --> 00:50:51,880
I'm sorry!

1104
00:50:54,090 --> 00:50:55,120
I'm sorry, Sally.

1105
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:56,620
I'm a big fan.

1106
00:50:58,060 --> 00:50:59,060
Aah!

1107
00:51:00,790 --> 00:51:02,130
Aaah!

1108
00:51:02,830 --> 00:51:03,660
That's got to hurt.

1109
00:51:03,660 --> 00:51:05,930
Aah!

1110
00:51:05,930 --> 00:51:07,770
Sally!

1111
00:51:12,870 --> 00:51:15,210
Aaah!

1112
00:51:27,190 --> 00:51:29,250
Have a seat, rob.

1113
00:51:34,490 --> 00:51:36,430
I don't know what to say.

1114
00:51:36,430 --> 00:51:38,500
You're one of my
favorite students.

1115
00:51:38,500 --> 00:51:39,730
Really?

1116
00:51:39,730 --> 00:51:41,300
We've barely met.

1117
00:51:41,300 --> 00:51:43,270
Yeah, exactly.

1118
00:51:43,270 --> 00:51:45,840
I love the students I
don't have to meet.

1119
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:50,010
Meeting you guys is the
worst part of my job.

1120
00:51:50,010 --> 00:51:51,140
Do you mind if I eat?

1121
00:51:51,140 --> 00:51:52,440
It's gonna be awhile before the

1122
00:51:52,450 --> 00:51:53,810
cops get here.

1123
00:51:53,810 --> 00:51:54,810
The cops?

1124
00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:56,810
Yes. The cops.

1125
00:51:56,820 --> 00:51:58,020
Geez.

1126
00:51:58,020 --> 00:52:00,050
You grabbed Ms.
Hartnett's breasts.

1127
00:52:00,050 --> 00:52:01,850
That's sexual assault.

1128
00:52:01,850 --> 00:52:03,850
I mean, don't flatter yourself.

1129
00:52:03,860 --> 00:52:06,160
They're also coming for
some moron bus driver
who was toking

1130
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:10,930
it up in one of the parked
vehicles, but you're the
main focus.

1131
00:52:17,740 --> 00:52:19,600
So...

1132
00:52:19,610 --> 00:52:20,740
I don't mean to be flippant

1133
00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:23,940
about your situation, but in an

1134
00:52:23,940 --> 00:52:26,810
overcrowded public school
like this, if one of you
students

1135
00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:26,810
wants to flush your future down

1136
00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:34,620
the crapper and I get to
expel you, I am not losing
my appetite over that.

1137
00:52:34,620 --> 00:52:35,820
Shit.

1138
00:52:35,820 --> 00:52:37,520
Fuck.

1139
00:52:39,660 --> 00:52:42,830
All right, let's run
down the hit list.

1140
00:52:42,830 --> 00:52:45,460
You molested a teacher.

1141
00:52:45,460 --> 00:52:51,470
You sexually harassed a female
freshman student and a male
hall monitor.

1142
00:52:51,470 --> 00:52:54,100
And then...
This is funny.

1143
00:52:54,110 --> 00:52:56,640
You got in a fight with
a girl and you lost.

1144
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:59,680
She curb-stomped my
genitals. With her shoes.

1145
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:00,440
Mm-hmm.

1146
00:53:00,450 --> 00:53:00,440
Then I called your mom.

1147
00:53:00,450 --> 00:53:03,880
Your mom and dad are
on their way, by the way.

1148
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,350
And she said that she caught
you masturbating this morning.

1149
00:53:06,350 --> 00:53:07,180
It was a wet dream.

1150
00:53:07,190 --> 00:53:08,950
I wasn't masturbating.

1151
00:53:08,950 --> 00:53:08,950
Whatever.

1152
00:53:08,950 --> 00:53:15,760
Seems like to me you're going
for a varsity letter in sexual
deviancy.

1153
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:16,660
Can I go to the bathroom?

1154
00:53:16,660 --> 00:53:19,160
Yeah, in your pants.

1155
00:53:19,170 --> 00:53:21,060
'Cause you're not
leaving this office.

1156
00:53:21,930 --> 00:53:23,870
All right.

1157
00:53:23,870 --> 00:53:26,340
Let's take a look.

1158
00:53:27,010 --> 00:53:28,440
I can't figure out what would

1159
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:34,750
make a boy like you snap.
I mean, up to this point, no
missteps.

1160
00:53:34,750 --> 00:53:38,920
What would make a boy like
you do what you did?

1161
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:40,620
I mean, it's a big question.

1162
00:53:40,620 --> 00:53:42,890
Is society at fault?

1163
00:53:42,890 --> 00:53:45,290
Probably.

1164
00:53:45,290 --> 00:53:47,090
Have you got bad wiring?

1165
00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:49,730
Were you not hugged
enough as a kid?

1166
00:53:50,930 --> 00:53:53,130
Rob, rob, Robbie.

1167
00:53:53,130 --> 00:53:54,670
I mean, what is it?

1168
00:53:54,670 --> 00:53:58,000
You take Paxil or something?

1169
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,570
Maybe it's your home life.

1170
00:54:02,580 --> 00:54:04,510
I don't know.

1171
00:54:04,510 --> 00:54:06,510
Maybe you have horrible parents.

1172
00:54:06,510 --> 00:54:09,080
But here is the hard truth that

1173
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:13,050
America is not
prepared to admit.

1174
00:54:13,050 --> 00:54:17,990
We're all just... Filthy animals.

1175
00:54:17,990 --> 00:54:20,620
And to expect us to play by the

1176
00:54:20,630 --> 00:54:23,260
prude rules...

1177
00:54:23,260 --> 00:54:26,330
that's ri-goddamn-diculous.

1178
00:54:27,100 --> 00:54:28,100
I mean, what you did to

1179
00:54:28,100 --> 00:54:30,470
Ms. hartnett...

1180
00:54:32,100 --> 00:54:36,440
We were all thinking about it.

1181
00:54:37,380 --> 00:54:38,610
As long as you don't sell crack

1182
00:54:38,610 --> 00:54:38,610
or burn the campus down, I

1183
00:54:38,610 --> 00:54:44,080
really don't care if you
play a little ass-grab, but...

1184
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,380
I mean, hell, if I had the
budget, I would build us a

1185
00:54:47,390 --> 00:54:48,990
windowless room where you

1186
00:54:48,990 --> 00:54:50,750
perverts could just go in there

1187
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:54,790
and poke and grab all day long.

1188
00:54:54,790 --> 00:54:57,330
And I'd make it all out of
cement, you know, so
you could

1189
00:54:57,330 --> 00:55:00,160
hose down all the... Fluids.

1190
00:55:01,130 --> 00:55:03,470
Come on!

1191
00:55:04,270 --> 00:55:06,340
Is that semen?

1192
00:55:06,340 --> 00:55:09,570
It's just a little Mayo.

1193
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,810
My daughter made me
that sandwich!

1194
00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:16,480
That's a special sandwich,
you little pervert!

1195
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:17,210
Ohh!

1196
00:55:18,050 --> 00:55:18,780
Cops are here.

1197
00:55:18,780 --> 00:55:21,320
Yeah, I know.

1198
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:22,590
Dude, you got to get
me out of here.

1199
00:55:22,590 --> 00:55:24,660
Come on.

1200
00:55:28,030 --> 00:55:31,330
Uh, you do know that
you're in the girls' locker
room, don't you?

1201
00:55:31,330 --> 00:55:34,770
Tell that to your Adam's apple.

1202
00:55:37,340 --> 00:55:39,770
Uh, sorry.

1203
00:55:39,770 --> 00:55:41,000
Hide here until
it's safe to leave.

1204
00:55:41,010 --> 00:55:41,740
What?

1205
00:55:41,740 --> 00:55:43,670
Don't go anywhere.

1206
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,850
Come on!

1207
00:55:55,850 --> 00:55:58,160
What the fuck is wrong with you?

1208
00:56:01,590 --> 00:56:04,760
Are you talking to me?

1209
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:10,030
No. I was yelling at
my dick because it
won't get hard.

1210
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,040
There's a guy in there.
I think he's...

1211
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:13,100
Molesting himself?

1212
00:56:13,110 --> 00:56:17,110
It sure sounds like it.
Do you want to watch?

1213
00:56:19,580 --> 00:56:22,150
Hey, man. What the
fuck are you doing?

1214
00:56:22,150 --> 00:56:24,850
I really need to jerk off,
but it's not working, and I

1215
00:56:24,850 --> 00:56:26,450
think I might have broken it.

1216
00:56:26,450 --> 00:56:28,090
Wait. Why do you
need to jerk off?

1217
00:56:28,090 --> 00:56:29,820
Dude, I really don't have
time to explain right now.

1218
00:56:29,820 --> 00:56:34,090
Just help me or get
the fuck away.

1219
00:56:41,470 --> 00:56:43,970
You want
to fuck mistah?

1220
00:56:43,970 --> 00:56:47,670
I'll fuck you first one free.
I'll give you all my holes.

1221
00:56:47,670 --> 00:56:50,040
Even brown one.

1222
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:51,070
Stanley?

1223
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:52,780
Yeah?

1224
00:56:52,780 --> 00:56:54,140
What the fuck are you doing?

1225
00:56:54,150 --> 00:56:55,450
I'm trying to help.

1226
00:56:55,450 --> 00:56:58,180
I went Asian. Asian seems
right, you know?

1227
00:56:58,180 --> 00:57:01,850
Put your egg
roll in my sticky bun!

1228
00:57:01,850 --> 00:57:05,460
Ooh, we do fucky-fucky!
Fucky now!

1229
00:57:05,460 --> 00:57:07,120
Let's do fucky-fucky!

1230
00:57:07,130 --> 00:57:08,160
Shut the hell up.

1231
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:09,690
You shut
the hell up!

1232
00:57:09,700 --> 00:57:11,330
Stanley, come on.
Stop, man.

1233
00:57:11,330 --> 00:57:12,460
I really need to focus.

1234
00:57:12,460 --> 00:57:14,230
Oh, no. Do me!

1235
00:57:14,230 --> 00:57:16,670
Do me doggie style,
then we eat dog!

1236
00:57:16,670 --> 00:57:18,100
Woof!

1237
00:57:18,100 --> 00:57:19,900
Come on, man. Please stop.
You're ruining it.

1238
00:57:19,910 --> 00:57:23,540
No, you stop, Mr. America.
Choke me.

1239
00:57:23,540 --> 00:57:26,180
Choke me!

1240
00:57:26,180 --> 00:57:28,480
You fuck her
from the front, "g."

1241
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:30,380
I'mma fuck her from the back.

1242
00:57:30,380 --> 00:57:31,620
Yeah.

1243
00:57:31,620 --> 00:57:33,720
What the hell is that?

1244
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:35,520
It's the only
other voice I can do.

1245
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:44,290
I'm gonna go find the cops.
Maybe getting raped in jail
is gonna do the trick.

1246
00:57:50,030 --> 00:57:51,230
Oh, no.

1247
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:04,450
Just... Throw the sheets in
the laundry, hon.

1248
00:58:06,620 --> 00:58:09,690
You got to be fucking
kidding me!

1249
00:58:09,690 --> 00:58:10,850
What was that, Robert?!

1250
00:58:10,860 --> 00:58:13,220
You got to be fucking
kidding<i> me!</i>

1251
00:58:13,230 --> 00:58:15,360
Look at yourself!

1252
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:17,590
I'm sorry, mom.

1253
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:21,570
I can't believe this is
my fucking life.

1254
00:58:21,570 --> 00:58:25,770
Aaaaaaaaaah!

1255
00:58:28,410 --> 00:58:30,240
You're not gonna lock
your bike up?

1256
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,080
Hey, guys.

1257
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:33,840
What time are you flying
out, Artie?

1258
00:58:33,850 --> 00:58:33,840
Funny, Stanley.

1259
00:58:33,850 --> 00:58:38,680
Too bad the special Olympics
doesn't have a comedy
competition.

1260
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:41,620
So, rob, Gabrielle told me
your Georgetown interview is...

1261
00:58:41,620 --> 00:58:42,720
today.

1262
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,220
And no, I don't want to
drop your name.

1263
00:58:45,220 --> 00:58:47,360
I mean, I could, but, you know,

1264
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,160
I'd rather not be
associated with you.

1265
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:51,230
Rob. What's wrong?

1266
00:58:51,230 --> 00:58:52,800
It's not the interview.

1267
00:58:52,800 --> 00:58:54,560
You want to talk about it?

1268
00:58:54,570 --> 00:58:56,630
I'm good.

1269
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:57,900
Well, it's bee day, right?

1270
00:58:57,900 --> 00:59:00,700
Yeah, about that.
I have to cancel.

1271
00:59:00,710 --> 00:59:02,310
Really? Just like that?

1272
00:59:02,310 --> 00:59:04,370
Yes, just like that.

1273
00:59:07,750 --> 00:59:08,750
Hey!

1274
00:59:08,750 --> 00:59:10,650
Aw!

1275
00:59:10,650 --> 00:59:13,820
I don't know what's going on
here, but promise me you'll turn
the darkness off for

1276
00:59:13,820 --> 00:59:15,020
your interview.

1277
00:59:15,020 --> 00:59:15,020
Why?

1278
00:59:15,020 --> 00:59:17,250
'Cause you've worked
your ass off for it.

1279
00:59:17,260 --> 00:59:19,260
And I need to know you're
not gonna throw it away.

1280
00:59:19,260 --> 00:59:20,990
If I have to do the interview
with you, I will.

1281
00:59:20,990 --> 00:59:24,090
Stop fucking around,
man. I'm not...

1282
00:59:24,100 --> 00:59:25,560
I'm not in a good place
right now.

1283
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:30,330
I'm not fucking around.
You're my best friend.
I'd do anything for you.

1284
00:59:30,340 --> 00:59:31,170
Do you mean that?

1285
00:59:31,170 --> 00:59:32,840
Yeah. I mean that.

1286
00:59:34,010 --> 00:59:36,270
I mean, 'cause you've never
really told me that before.

1287
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:40,110
Well, I never knew I had to.

1288
00:59:40,110 --> 00:59:41,810
I don't know, you're just...

1289
00:59:41,810 --> 00:59:44,880
you're always so vulgar,
you know?

1290
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:51,420
I bury my emotions. It's a
defense mechanism.

1291
00:59:51,420 --> 00:59:52,520
I'm gonna hug you now.

1292
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:56,090
I know.

1293
00:59:57,130 --> 00:59:58,960
Hey, guys.

1294
00:59:58,960 --> 00:59:59,630
Oh.

1295
00:59:59,630 --> 01:00:00,400
Hi, Angela.

1296
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:02,730
Hey... Angela. How are you?

1297
01:00:02,730 --> 01:00:04,870
Why are you guys hugging?

1298
01:00:04,870 --> 01:00:08,070
It's 2013, Angela. Men
hug now, you know?

1299
01:00:08,070 --> 01:00:10,210
Deal with it.

1300
01:00:10,210 --> 01:00:14,440
So, rob. Um, I was gonna
come find you later, but
since you're here, I

1301
01:00:14,450 --> 01:00:17,610
know our tutoring session
isn't technically supposed
to be until Thursday, but...

1302
01:00:17,620 --> 01:00:21,280
tonight. Um... Yeah. Sure.

1303
01:00:21,290 --> 01:00:26,360
Great. And could
we do it at my house?

1304
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:27,720
If we have to.

1305
01:00:27,730 --> 01:00:30,530
Perfect. Come over
around 7:00.

1306
01:00:30,530 --> 01:00:31,560
Great.

1307
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:34,100
Nice hoodie.

1308
01:00:35,400 --> 01:00:38,100
Tracing the man's slow
fall into madness.

1309
01:00:38,100 --> 01:00:42,670
I'll start reading and then
we'll go around the room
counterclockwise.

1310
01:00:42,670 --> 01:00:45,110
Okay, let's get started.

1311
01:00:45,110 --> 01:00:48,610
Mr. crabbe, would you mind
taking your seat so we can
begin?

1312
01:00:48,610 --> 01:00:52,380
Oh, no, if it's okay, I'm
just... I'm gonna stand.

1313
01:00:52,380 --> 01:00:54,450
No, it's not okay.

1314
01:01:03,530 --> 01:01:05,860
I need rob crabbe to
the main office.

1315
01:01:05,860 --> 01:01:09,870
Oh, wow. Aren't you
glad I took my seat?

1316
01:01:12,770 --> 01:01:16,240
As I recite the poem out loud,
listen for the repetition

1317
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:18,340
of the word "nevermore."

1318
01:01:18,340 --> 01:01:20,340
Gabs?

1319
01:01:20,350 --> 01:01:21,080
Huh.

1320
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:22,750
"while I pondered weak and

1321
01:01:22,750 --> 01:01:25,080
weary, over many a quaint and

1322
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,120
curious volume of forgotten

1323
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:28,790
lore"...

1324
01:01:29,690 --> 01:01:31,860
Mr. crabbe, good to
meet you, young man.

1325
01:01:31,860 --> 01:01:31,860
How's your day going?

1326
01:01:31,860 --> 01:01:38,800
Not gonna lie. Today has
been a never-ending
cluster fuck.

1327
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:41,630
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

1328
01:01:41,630 --> 01:01:47,370
But as I've learned, in the
light of some recent difficult
events, each day is a gift.

1329
01:01:47,370 --> 01:01:50,370
Yeah, it is a gift you
can't return.

1330
01:01:53,410 --> 01:01:56,980
You have a very
impressive application.

1331
01:01:56,980 --> 01:02:01,220
Everything on there was
designed to solicit that
exact response.

1332
01:02:01,220 --> 01:02:01,220
What?

1333
01:02:01,220 --> 01:02:04,750
I have lived to get
into this school.

1334
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:08,790
You know I even have a set of
perfectly scripted responses to
virtually every question that

1335
01:02:08,790 --> 01:02:10,630
you could ever ask?

1336
01:02:10,630 --> 01:02:14,930
Hell, at one point, I was so
nervous I might have even
over-performed.

1337
01:02:14,930 --> 01:02:16,170
But not now.

1338
01:02:16,170 --> 01:02:17,830
Why? Why not now?

1339
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:20,670
Oh, I could tell you, but
you'd never believe me.

1340
01:02:20,670 --> 01:02:25,010
Is it the pressure? Because I
can tell you, you're a lock
for our school.

1341
01:02:25,010 --> 01:02:27,480
Is it a girl?

1342
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:29,450
I can tell you, there's
gonna be others.

1343
01:02:29,450 --> 01:02:33,820
There will, and when the
right one... Presents herself...

1344
01:02:33,820 --> 01:02:33,820
She will...

1345
01:02:33,820 --> 01:02:38,420
Oh, God. I was really
hoping you wouldn't
cry this time.

1346
01:02:38,420 --> 01:02:39,190
What?

1347
01:02:39,190 --> 01:02:39,190
Nothing.

1348
01:02:39,190 --> 01:02:46,560
Here's the problem. There are
certain things that I thought
I wanted, like getting

1349
01:02:46,570 --> 01:02:49,870
in to Georgetown or
fucking Angela yearwood,
but then I

1350
01:02:49,870 --> 01:02:52,740
realized I don't actually
want any of those things.

1351
01:02:52,740 --> 01:02:53,740
Uh...

1352
01:02:53,740 --> 01:02:55,640
Other people just
want them for me.

1353
01:02:55,640 --> 01:02:57,710
Having sex is nothing you
should take lightly.

1354
01:02:57,710 --> 01:02:57,710
I know that.

1355
01:02:57,710 --> 01:03:01,180
I've had, like, seven orgasms
so far today.

1356
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:05,680
Holy shit.

1357
01:03:08,450 --> 01:03:11,120
How'd it go?

1358
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:12,460
Look on the bright side.

1359
01:03:12,460 --> 01:03:15,390
Tonight you get to have
sex with Angela yearwood.

1360
01:03:15,390 --> 01:03:16,860
No.

1361
01:03:16,860 --> 01:03:18,930
The worst part is I don't.

1362
01:03:27,710 --> 01:03:29,540
Hey. I thought
you had to cancel.

1363
01:03:29,540 --> 01:03:32,940
Can I come in?
I'm not good.

1364
01:03:32,940 --> 01:03:38,880
And I don't even get to
actually have sex. I just
orgasm prematurely and

1365
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:41,820
then I wake up back in my room.

1366
01:03:41,820 --> 01:03:47,960
And then my mom comes in
to find me sitting on a
massive wet spot.

1367
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:49,530
Do you believe me?

1368
01:03:49,530 --> 01:03:52,500
Only the part about you
waking up in a massive wet
spot every morning.

1369
01:03:52,500 --> 01:03:56,500
Gabs, I know that this sounds
fucking crazy, but I'm serious.

1370
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:58,640
Mmkay, what am I gonna say now?

1371
01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:01,940
I don't know. I...
I haven't done this part yet.

1372
01:04:01,940 --> 01:04:03,740
Oh, okay, so every day
is not the same.

1373
01:04:03,740 --> 01:04:05,540
You can do different things.

1374
01:04:05,540 --> 01:04:10,680
Yes, yes, but... inevitably,
I have an orgasm.

1375
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:13,780
Okay. All right. That's... Great.

1376
01:04:13,790 --> 01:04:15,550
You got to believe me.

1377
01:04:15,550 --> 01:04:19,560
I don't, but, uh, I'm worried
about you now, so...

1378
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:21,320
Walk me through this
never-ending day?

1379
01:04:21,330 --> 01:04:22,290
Okay, um...

1380
01:04:23,090 --> 01:04:24,360
Well, I wake up...

1381
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:25,800
Just... Throw the sheets in...

1382
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:26,860
smell of a champ...

1383
01:04:26,870 --> 01:04:27,630
Rob!

1384
01:04:27,630 --> 01:04:28,570
Hi, guys.

1385
01:04:28,570 --> 01:04:29,300
A mammogram.

1386
01:04:29,300 --> 01:04:29,970
Nevermore.

1387
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:31,400
Pongsaklek wonjongkam.

1388
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:32,940
No.

1389
01:04:32,940 --> 01:04:34,940
Can I confess something to you?

1390
01:04:34,940 --> 01:04:35,670
Ka-boom.

1391
01:04:36,580 --> 01:04:38,640
And that's all you can think of?

1392
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:41,580
Well, one time Sally levinson

1393
01:04:41,580 --> 01:04:46,520
kicked an orgasm out
of me, but those are
the constants.

1394
01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:49,150
Right.

1395
01:04:49,150 --> 01:04:52,220
Look, it's, uh, it's getting
late and I have a test tomorrow.

1396
01:04:52,220 --> 01:04:54,660
Gabs, come on, okay? Please?

1397
01:04:54,660 --> 01:04:56,330
Please help me.

1398
01:04:56,330 --> 01:04:58,900
Look, if you're just gonna
live this day over again, you
got to tell me earlier.

1399
01:04:58,900 --> 01:05:00,530
Like, third period.

1400
01:05:00,530 --> 01:05:02,300
And have you not
believe me again?

1401
01:05:02,300 --> 01:05:02,300
Thanks.

1402
01:05:02,300 --> 01:05:07,740
Okay, look. Just, if you
want me to believe you...

1403
01:05:07,740 --> 01:05:09,140
When you tell me your story,

1404
01:05:09,140 --> 01:05:11,770
just mention the Abraham Lincoln

1405
01:05:11,780 --> 01:05:15,350
sex fantasy and I will
believe you.

1406
01:05:15,350 --> 01:05:18,310
Ew. You have an Abraham
Lincoln sex fantasy?

1407
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:21,650
I had a dream where he...

1408
01:05:21,650 --> 01:05:24,690
Emancipated my g-spot.

1409
01:05:24,690 --> 01:05:27,290
It was unforgettable.

1410
01:05:27,290 --> 01:05:28,190
Oh, my God.

1411
01:05:28,190 --> 01:05:29,630
Okay, do you want my
help or not?

1412
01:05:29,630 --> 01:05:32,230
Just forget it.

1413
01:05:32,230 --> 01:05:35,630
We do have one other option.

1414
01:05:35,630 --> 01:05:39,070
We can talk to the
smartest person I know.

1415
01:05:39,070 --> 01:05:40,870
You've come to me for help.

1416
01:05:40,870 --> 01:05:43,640
Pardon me while I
savor this moment.

1417
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:45,170
Told you this was a bad idea.

1418
01:05:45,180 --> 01:05:46,380
Just wait.

1419
01:05:46,380 --> 01:05:48,240
Arthur, we really
need your help.

1420
01:05:48,250 --> 01:05:51,950
While I applaud your decision
to discuss the matter with me,
I have little experience with

1421
01:05:51,950 --> 01:05:54,150
mental illness.

1422
01:05:54,150 --> 01:05:55,650
Also, he's a dick.

1423
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:24,150
I'm sorry, guys, but my mom
says you have to leave
before my Nana sees you.

1424
01:06:24,150 --> 01:06:25,880
Why? What's up with your Nana?

1425
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:31,720
Mama, no!

1426
01:06:32,420 --> 01:06:35,690
Aah! Mama!

1427
01:06:35,690 --> 01:06:38,460
What the fuck?!

1428
01:06:38,460 --> 01:06:41,730
Mama! Mama!

1429
01:06:54,140 --> 01:06:55,750
Mama?

1430
01:06:57,350 --> 01:06:59,180
Is she dead?

1431
01:06:59,180 --> 01:07:00,320
Aah!

1432
01:07:03,190 --> 01:07:05,150
Oh, no!

1433
01:07:05,160 --> 01:07:07,290
Oh, no! Get her off of me!

1434
01:07:07,290 --> 01:07:09,390
Get her off of me!

1435
01:07:14,500 --> 01:07:16,270
Get her off!

1436
01:07:16,270 --> 01:07:18,270
Get... Her... Off.

1437
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:30,110
Jadoogar.

1438
01:07:32,450 --> 01:07:33,180
Where are you going?

1439
01:07:33,180 --> 01:07:33,980
School.

1440
01:07:33,990 --> 01:07:34,720
Not like that.

1441
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,120
It's okay. It get a do-over.

1442
01:07:41,060 --> 01:07:42,730
Hey, Arthur.

1443
01:07:42,730 --> 01:07:43,930
Oh, hey, rob. I got
beer for tonight.

1444
01:07:43,930 --> 01:07:45,360
I need to talk to you.

1445
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:46,800
I'm pretty busy.

1446
01:07:46,800 --> 01:07:47,700
Are you okay?

1447
01:07:47,700 --> 01:07:48,970
No. I'm not okay.

1448
01:07:48,970 --> 01:07:51,800
I'm stuck in the same day,
and it's a fucking hell
that you

1449
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:54,140
can't even fathom, and it
just keeps happening.

1450
01:07:54,140 --> 01:07:57,410
I wake up, life kicks the shit
out of me, and then I have an

1451
01:07:57,410 --> 01:08:02,250
orgasm, and then I live the same
day all over again, and I know
that that sounds crazy, but it's

1452
01:08:02,250 --> 01:08:05,450
true, and I think that this
little fucker can explain it
to me.

1453
01:08:05,450 --> 01:08:07,780
Wow, I've never seen a
midlife crisis before.

1454
01:08:07,790 --> 01:08:08,950
He's 17.

1455
01:08:08,950 --> 01:08:12,420
I always saw him going young.
Drugs or a plane crash.

1456
01:08:12,420 --> 01:08:14,060
Anyway, hope it works out, rob.

1457
01:08:14,060 --> 01:08:14,820
Whoa, whoa, okay.

1458
01:08:14,830 --> 01:08:15,560
Watch it.

1459
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:17,090
These fibers are delicate.

1460
01:08:17,100 --> 01:08:18,830
All right, so, he's, like, 5.

1461
01:08:18,830 --> 01:08:19,530
Hey, no!

1462
01:08:19,530 --> 01:08:19,530
Hey!

1463
01:08:19,530 --> 01:08:23,700
Get back here! Get back
here, you little shit!

1464
01:08:23,700 --> 01:08:27,470
Arthur!

1465
01:08:32,080 --> 01:08:34,180
Oh, no. Oh.

1466
01:08:52,260 --> 01:08:57,830
He's in there. I'll give
you two minutes, but make
it rough on him.

1467
01:08:57,840 --> 01:09:01,440
I'm talking "slamming balls
on the toilet seat" rough.

1468
01:09:10,010 --> 01:09:12,280
Hey, whoa, whoa. Uh,
maintenance. Keep it moving.

1469
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:13,350
But it's an emergency.

1470
01:09:13,350 --> 01:09:15,320
I'll fucking kill you.

1471
01:09:20,630 --> 01:09:23,390
Please stop! Someone
just pooped in here!
I can smell it!

1472
01:09:23,390 --> 01:09:24,960
What does a "jadoogar" mean?

1473
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:28,200
Wait, what?

1474
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:30,100
What does "jadoogar" mean?!

1475
01:09:30,100 --> 01:09:31,400
"Curse"! I think
it means "curse"!

1476
01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:32,200
What kind of curse?!

1477
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:35,000
Like a jinx!

1478
01:09:35,010 --> 01:09:36,210
How do I get rid of one?!

1479
01:09:36,210 --> 01:09:37,210
How should I know?!

1480
01:09:37,210 --> 01:09:38,540
Because your grandma
put it on me!

1481
01:09:38,540 --> 01:09:41,080
That's crazy! My Nana
doesn't even know who you are!

1482
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:43,410
Your Nana put a fucking
jadoogar on me!

1483
01:09:43,410 --> 01:09:43,410
No! No way!

1484
01:09:43,410 --> 01:09:50,190
Please don't dunk me again.
I can feel sores opening up on
my lips and in my mouth.

1485
01:09:56,560 --> 01:09:58,090
Here.

1486
01:10:01,370 --> 01:10:05,070
If I had a knife, I'd stab you
in the fucking throat.

1487
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:14,210
Have you checked your voicemail?
- Are you okay?

1488
01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:15,850
You're acting kind of weird.
- The most amazing thing...

1489
01:10:15,850 --> 01:10:16,850
I'm cursed.

1490
01:10:16,850 --> 01:10:16,850
What do you mean, you're cursed?

1491
01:10:16,850 --> 01:10:22,080
That first-generation asshole
just told me that I'm cursed and
that this fucking shit-storm of

1492
01:10:22,090 --> 01:10:23,150
a day is just going to
keep repeating.

1493
01:10:23,150 --> 01:10:23,150
That's ridiculous.

1494
01:10:23,150 --> 01:10:26,690
You know what's ridiculous? Is
wanting to have sexual
intercourse with

1495
01:10:26,690 --> 01:10:27,720
Abraham Lincoln.

1496
01:10:27,730 --> 01:10:27,720
How do you know about that?

1497
01:10:27,730 --> 01:10:31,990
Because I've been through
every nook and cranny today
has to offer.

1498
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,930
You told me to say it, at
9:00 tonight yesterday.

1499
01:10:34,930 --> 01:10:37,070
And then I blew a load on
Arthur's mom's ample
chest, and

1500
01:10:37,070 --> 01:10:38,470
then I woke up back
where I started.

1501
01:10:38,470 --> 01:10:39,540
Whatever, dude. Listen,
this morning...

1502
01:10:39,540 --> 01:10:43,110
Lisa's a jizz jedi. Nobody
cares right now.

1503
01:10:43,110 --> 01:10:44,740
Not like a curse is
such a big deal.

1504
01:10:44,740 --> 01:10:46,580
Well, if it's not, then
solve it for me.

1505
01:10:46,580 --> 01:10:48,340
Okay, it's pretty simple.

1506
01:10:48,350 --> 01:10:51,310
A curse is the universe trying
to make you right a cosmic
wrong.

1507
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:53,450
You have to figure out what
made the curse start and fix it.

1508
01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:54,450
And how do you know that?

1509
01:10:54,450 --> 01:10:56,520
Duh... the curse of the bambino.

1510
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:59,390
By some sort of divine
intervention, the Boston
Red Sox

1511
01:10:59,390 --> 01:11:02,660
got babe Ruth, and they traded
him to the Yankees.

1512
01:11:02,660 --> 01:11:04,730
To break the curse, they had
to beat the yanks.

1513
01:11:04,730 --> 01:11:07,200
It took them over 80 fucking
years, but they fixed it.

1514
01:11:07,200 --> 01:11:08,560
The universe is a cruel bitch.

1515
01:11:08,570 --> 01:11:09,930
You know, Stanley, you can

1516
01:11:09,930 --> 01:11:12,400
always say, "I don't know"
every once in awhile.

1517
01:11:12,400 --> 01:11:15,170
You don't always have to
bullshit every time there's
a pause in the conversation.

1518
01:11:15,170 --> 01:11:19,980
Oh, well, if you have a better
idea, why are you still stuck
in the same fucking day?

1519
01:11:19,980 --> 01:11:23,080
Curses are bullshit.
Now say sorry and
go conquer

1520
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:25,010
that which has been
unconquerable.

1521
01:11:25,020 --> 01:11:25,950
Angela.

1522
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:28,220
I got to go.

1523
01:11:28,220 --> 01:11:29,120
Hey!

1524
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,750
Dude, I'm still waiting
for the apology.

1525
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:34,120
Kids, tomorrow I'm going to
be out with a substitute and

1526
01:11:34,130 --> 01:11:37,590
the next day I'm gonna have a
big story to tell you all about
my mammogram.

1527
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:38,560
Uh, miss marconi.

1528
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:38,560
Rob?

1529
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:42,000
Angela's wanted down
at the main office.

1530
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:43,900
Do you have a pass?

1531
01:11:43,900 --> 01:11:44,730
No.

1532
01:11:44,740 --> 01:11:46,700
Then she can't go with you.

1533
01:11:46,700 --> 01:11:48,200
Uh, fine.

1534
01:11:48,210 --> 01:11:55,340
Angela, tonight. I am
coming over and not
for tutoring.

1535
01:11:55,350 --> 01:11:56,510
Rob.

1536
01:11:56,510 --> 01:11:58,150
What?

1537
01:11:58,150 --> 01:11:59,680
Spelling bee.

1538
01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:03,290
Seriously? Spelling bee?

1539
01:12:03,290 --> 01:12:05,090
You okay with that?

1540
01:12:05,090 --> 01:12:06,990
Sure.

1541
01:12:06,990 --> 01:12:09,290
You may continue your class now.

1542
01:12:13,630 --> 01:12:17,600
Okay, I need you to tell
me everything you know
about pleasing a woman.

1543
01:12:23,310 --> 01:12:25,070
Jesus.

1544
01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:29,350
He's like the bill belichick
of lady parts.

1545
01:12:29,350 --> 01:12:31,010
Promise me you won't watch.

1546
01:12:31,020 --> 01:12:33,080
I can make no such promises.

1547
01:12:47,100 --> 01:12:49,170
Aw, motherfucker!

1548
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:53,800
What made you do this?

1549
01:12:53,810 --> 01:12:58,610
You know, I wanted to for,
like, the longest time, and it

1550
01:12:58,610 --> 01:13:01,480
felt like you were finally
starting to notice me,
you know?

1551
01:13:01,480 --> 01:13:06,150
Like, maybe the universe
wanted this to happen.

1552
01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:16,060
This is really nice. Usually
I'm with older guys, so...

1553
01:13:16,060 --> 01:13:19,330
Yeah, well, I am more
romance, less body hair, so...

1554
01:13:24,470 --> 01:13:26,400
You know what could
be really fun?

1555
01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:28,740
If we stopped studying
altogether and just did this.

1556
01:13:28,740 --> 01:13:31,310
Okay.

1557
01:13:31,310 --> 01:13:33,180
That way, I mean, you just
have to, like, hook me up with

1558
01:13:33,180 --> 01:13:35,680
cheat sheets and write
my papers for me.

1559
01:13:36,780 --> 01:13:39,320
But I tutor you.

1560
01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:41,880
Yeah, but isn't this better?

1561
01:13:41,890 --> 01:13:44,920
I mean, we can fun during
our study sessions, and
then you can

1562
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:46,420
go home and do my work after.

1563
01:13:51,130 --> 01:13:57,670
Okay, but... You don't ever
have to act cool around me.

1564
01:13:57,670 --> 01:13:57,670
What?

1565
01:13:57,670 --> 01:14:03,340
I thought that's why you
like me, that and I make
you feel safe.

1566
01:14:04,010 --> 01:14:04,970
I never said that.

1567
01:14:09,380 --> 01:14:14,880
You are right. Um...
Look, Angela, you
are obviously

1568
01:14:14,890 --> 01:14:18,090
very, very hot, but,
you know what?

1569
01:14:18,090 --> 01:14:19,560
This never works out.

1570
01:14:19,560 --> 01:14:24,730
I mean, I have tried to
have sex with you like
six times, and I'm done.

1571
01:14:24,730 --> 01:14:28,760
I mean, I don't know where
I'm supposed to be, but it is
definitely not here.

1572
01:14:28,770 --> 01:14:30,770
And I'm sorry...
white zinfandel?

1573
01:14:30,770 --> 01:14:32,600
What are you? Like, 45?

1574
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:34,970
Okay, then you can get
the fuck out of here.

1575
01:14:34,970 --> 01:14:37,870
Will do.

1576
01:14:40,010 --> 01:14:43,980
Dick.
White zin's delish.

1577
01:14:45,750 --> 01:14:46,750
That was quick.

1578
01:14:46,750 --> 01:14:47,920
Go fuck yourself.

1579
01:14:59,360 --> 01:15:02,200
I talked to my buddies
in admissions.

1580
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,600
You don't think I would have
found out that you blew off
the interview?

1581
01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:04,600
How'd you even find me?

1582
01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:08,970
I went to Gabrielle's to
tear you away from the
spelling bee.

1583
01:15:08,970 --> 01:15:13,340
She told me you went
over to "what's-her-
slut's"... her words.

1584
01:15:13,340 --> 01:15:17,250
Dad, it has been a
really long day.

1585
01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:17,950
Oh.

1586
01:15:17,950 --> 01:15:21,450
It's not over yet. Here.

1587
01:15:21,450 --> 01:15:23,290
Put this on.

1588
01:15:35,670 --> 01:15:37,730
There he is.

1589
01:15:37,740 --> 01:15:42,840
Oh, Jesus. Okay.
Get your game face on.

1590
01:15:45,140 --> 01:15:47,540
Jack roth?

1591
01:15:47,550 --> 01:15:48,940
RARBG.COM Yeah?

1592
01:15:48,950 --> 01:15:53,020
I'm Jim crabbe. This is
my son, rob.

1593
01:15:53,020 --> 01:15:56,650
We talked on the phone before.

1594
01:15:56,650 --> 01:15:59,920
Right.

1595
01:16:00,460 --> 01:16:02,260
Have a seat.

1596
01:16:02,260 --> 01:16:04,330
Great.

1597
01:16:04,330 --> 01:16:06,230
Thanks for seeing us
before you left town.

1598
01:16:06,230 --> 01:16:09,330
Jim, could you go get
us some scotch?

1599
01:16:09,330 --> 01:16:12,400
Couple scotches?
Service here is shit.

1600
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:13,740
Oh, sure. Okay.

1601
01:16:13,740 --> 01:16:15,240
Um... What'll you have?

1602
01:16:15,240 --> 01:16:22,080
Dewar's on the rocks
with a twist. Make
it a double.

1603
01:16:24,980 --> 01:16:27,580
Your dad really wants
you to go to Georgetown.

1604
01:16:27,590 --> 01:16:28,820
Yeah.

1605
01:16:30,590 --> 01:16:32,020
Do you?

1606
01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:37,190
What's going through
your mind right now?

1607
01:16:37,200 --> 01:16:41,330
Just that I can't wait for
this day to be over.

1608
01:16:42,630 --> 01:16:46,900
You and me both.

1609
01:16:48,040 --> 01:16:52,540
My cat shits outside of the box.

1610
01:16:52,540 --> 01:16:57,980
Not down the hall or in
the basement or in my bed,
just right outside of the box.

1611
01:16:57,980 --> 01:17:00,050
It's a big "fuck you."

1612
01:17:00,050 --> 01:17:01,980
Yeah, what's up with that?

1613
01:17:01,990 --> 01:17:06,690
My wife passed away a
few months ago.

1614
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:12,360
And the cat really loved her.

1615
01:17:14,230 --> 01:17:18,800
He wishes I had died
instead of her. That's
what he's saying.

1616
01:17:18,800 --> 01:17:25,410
Have you considered that
maybe... Your cat's just
an asshole?

1617
01:17:25,410 --> 01:17:28,580
He is an asshole.

1618
01:17:28,580 --> 01:17:30,310
Thank you.

1619
01:17:31,380 --> 01:17:34,050
There we go.

1620
01:17:34,050 --> 01:17:38,890
Jim, I was just asking your
son why he wants to go to
Georgetown, but I would like to

1621
01:17:38,890 --> 01:17:43,490
hear it from you. Why do
you want him to go to
Georgetown?

1622
01:17:43,490 --> 01:17:48,330
Well, my going there was the
transformative experience
of my life.

1623
01:17:48,330 --> 01:17:52,840
And you just assume that
what was best for you
is also the best for him?

1624
01:17:52,840 --> 01:17:55,070
Let me put it this way.

1625
01:17:55,070 --> 01:17:59,140
I had a choice. It was either
Georgetown or Yale.

1626
01:17:59,140 --> 01:18:02,710
Why did you choose Georgetown?

1627
01:18:02,710 --> 01:18:06,780
I actually... I didn't
choose it.

1628
01:18:06,780 --> 01:18:09,290
Georgetown gave me
a scholarship.

1629
01:18:10,920 --> 01:18:16,760
Sometimes the universe has
a way of helping when
you're about to make a mistake.

1630
01:18:16,760 --> 01:18:18,530
You're on fire tonight.

1631
01:18:18,530 --> 01:18:18,530
Let's get some more drinks.

1632
01:18:18,530 --> 01:18:21,360
Yeah. I'll get them.
I'll get them.

1633
01:18:21,370 --> 01:18:25,030
Okay.

1634
01:18:28,440 --> 01:18:30,010
Is it French?

1635
01:18:30,010 --> 01:18:31,540
Yes.

1636
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:33,480
Can I have the
definition, please?

1637
01:18:33,480 --> 01:18:36,810
"To determine or
appoint beforehand."

1638
01:18:36,810 --> 01:18:38,850
Can you use it in a
sentence, please?

1639
01:18:38,850 --> 01:18:41,820
It is debated whether
the events of our lives are

1640
01:18:41,820 --> 01:18:45,390
foreordained or the
product of our own
brain."

1641
01:18:49,390 --> 01:18:51,730
I don't want to go
to Georgetown.

1642
01:18:51,730 --> 01:18:52,490
But all...

1643
01:18:52,500 --> 01:18:55,260
don't... React.

1644
01:18:55,270 --> 01:18:56,800
Just feel.

1645
01:18:56,800 --> 01:18:57,830
Maybe I want to go. Maybe not.

1646
01:18:57,840 --> 01:18:57,830
It doesn't matter.

1647
01:18:57,840 --> 01:19:01,070
I'll go to a good school
no matter what, but...

1648
01:19:01,070 --> 01:19:06,580
The only thing I know right
now is that I really like
Gabrielle.

1649
01:19:06,580 --> 01:19:10,180
Like, a lot,
and, uh...

1650
01:19:10,180 --> 01:19:14,820
Every time today plays
out, I fuck it up.

1651
01:19:14,820 --> 01:19:16,650
And I'm not gonna let
it happen again.

1652
01:19:16,650 --> 01:19:18,590
Gabrielle is my Georgetown.

1653
01:19:18,590 --> 01:19:22,460
I have no idea what that
means, but I support you.

1654
01:19:24,700 --> 01:19:27,400
It's gonna be okay.

1655
01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:29,630
Can I have my headband back?

1656
01:19:29,630 --> 01:19:31,700
Yeah.

1657
01:19:40,480 --> 01:19:42,210
Looks better on you.

1658
01:19:42,210 --> 01:19:43,750
Thanks, Jack.

1659
01:19:43,750 --> 01:19:45,650
Let's go get that fucking girl!

1660
01:19:45,650 --> 01:19:46,750
Okeydoke.

1661
01:19:46,750 --> 01:19:48,820
Yeah.

1662
01:19:58,260 --> 01:20:00,960
Get in!

1663
01:20:02,630 --> 01:20:04,170
Can you drive?

1664
01:20:04,170 --> 01:20:04,970
Sure.

1665
01:20:04,970 --> 01:20:04,970
Okay.

1666
01:20:04,970 --> 01:20:09,710
Why don't we get
some fries, too?

1667
01:20:09,710 --> 01:20:11,510
Okay, so what do I do?

1668
01:20:11,510 --> 01:20:12,710
Well, it's too late to knock.

1669
01:20:12,710 --> 01:20:15,580
Which one is her window?

1670
01:20:17,310 --> 01:20:18,780
The light's still flickering.

1671
01:20:18,780 --> 01:20:20,250
Okay.

1672
01:20:20,250 --> 01:20:22,120
Yes!

1673
01:20:23,550 --> 01:20:26,890
During your darkest
time, why was there
only one set of

1674
01:20:26,890 --> 01:20:29,530
footprints in the sand?

1675
01:20:30,390 --> 01:20:35,230
What? Because I
carried you, brother.

1676
01:20:35,230 --> 01:20:37,870
Get over here.

1677
01:20:39,570 --> 01:20:41,500
What are we doing?

1678
01:20:42,410 --> 01:20:45,310
You're gonna need a boost.

1679
01:20:54,520 --> 01:20:55,520
What are you doing?

1680
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:57,150
I need to talk to you.

1681
01:20:59,590 --> 01:21:01,060
I didn't have sex with Angela.

1682
01:21:02,960 --> 01:21:03,860
N-o...

1683
01:21:03,860 --> 01:21:03,860
Did you hear me?

1684
01:21:03,860 --> 01:21:09,060
Yeah. You didn't bang
the school slut.
What a hero.

1685
01:21:09,070 --> 01:21:10,800
Get the fuck out of my room.

1686
01:21:10,800 --> 01:21:12,570
Gabs, come on.

1687
01:21:13,340 --> 01:21:16,140
Stop it, okay?

1688
01:21:21,140 --> 01:21:22,140
Really?

1689
01:21:22,150 --> 01:21:25,610
I'll buy you a new one.
Just... Listen, okay?

1690
01:21:25,620 --> 01:21:28,880
When I woke up this morning,
I expected to be here tonight.

1691
01:21:28,890 --> 01:21:35,260
I mean, I couldn't imagine a
scenario where I wouldn't have
been, but I lost sight of that.

1692
01:21:35,260 --> 01:21:38,690
But I'm here now,
curse or no curse.

1693
01:21:38,700 --> 01:21:39,960
Rob!

1694
01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:41,900
How's it going up there?

1695
01:21:41,900 --> 01:21:43,370
Who's that?

1696
01:21:43,370 --> 01:21:45,570
That is my Georgetown
interviewer.

1697
01:21:45,570 --> 01:21:50,010
Rob, how's it going?!
With the girl?!

1698
01:21:51,770 --> 01:21:52,810
What are they doing here?

1699
01:21:52,810 --> 01:21:54,840
We had a drink at the hotel.
Shit got deep.

1700
01:21:54,850 --> 01:21:56,610
Just listen, okay?

1701
01:21:56,610 --> 01:21:59,580
I thought that I had
feelings for Angela.

1702
01:21:59,580 --> 01:22:00,650
Rob, leave.

1703
01:22:00,650 --> 01:22:01,850
Well, just let me finish.
Angela isn't...

1704
01:22:01,850 --> 01:22:03,920
ugh! This isn't about Angela!

1705
01:22:03,920 --> 01:22:07,620
Just... Get out.

1706
01:22:07,630 --> 01:22:09,790
I'm not going anywhere.

1707
01:22:12,630 --> 01:22:15,330
Okay. Fine.

1708
01:22:15,330 --> 01:22:18,770
I can end this. I just
have to finish you off.

1709
01:22:18,770 --> 01:22:20,900
Then you're out of my
room and you're back in
yours.

1710
01:22:20,910 --> 01:22:21,600
Okay?

1711
01:22:21,610 --> 01:22:22,340
What?

1712
01:22:22,340 --> 01:22:23,010
Let's go. Come on.

1713
01:22:23,010 --> 01:22:24,070
Whoa! Don't... Do that.

1714
01:22:24,070 --> 01:22:25,240
Hey, whoa!
Hold on!

1715
01:22:25,240 --> 01:22:26,170
It'll be over really fast.

1716
01:22:26,180 --> 01:22:27,310
Gabs, seriously, stop!

1717
01:22:27,310 --> 01:22:28,440
Don't touch me!

1718
01:22:28,450 --> 01:22:29,680
'Cause that's not hurtful.

1719
01:22:29,680 --> 01:22:32,210
Well, if you would just...
Gabrielle, what are you doing?!

1720
01:22:32,220 --> 01:22:33,720
Take off your pants
so I can be alone!

1721
01:22:33,720 --> 01:22:34,850
Gabrielle!

1722
01:22:34,850 --> 01:22:36,390
Oh, shit.

1723
01:22:36,390 --> 01:22:37,790
Hi, dad.

1724
01:22:37,790 --> 01:22:41,120
Oh, thank God, sir.

1725
01:22:41,130 --> 01:22:45,230
Please don't leave, because
your daughter...

1726
01:22:45,230 --> 01:22:49,830
She was trying to take
advantage of me, and,
uh... I just want to

1727
01:22:49,830 --> 01:22:55,370
assure you that I do
not wish to do anything
physical with or to her.

1728
01:22:55,370 --> 01:22:58,570
Right now.

1729
01:22:58,580 --> 01:23:03,650
I'd feel a lot better about
this if you put your shirt
back on... Dear.

1730
01:23:03,650 --> 01:23:06,150
Yeah. Sure. Here you go.

1731
01:23:08,350 --> 01:23:14,190
So... look, I'll leave,
if that's what you want,
but...

1732
01:23:14,190 --> 01:23:19,700
I just want to say, um...
I don't know what I'd
do without you.

1733
01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:23,930
I mean, you're, like, the only
way that I can get through
the day.

1734
01:23:23,930 --> 01:23:27,400
Every night before I go
to sleep, I check to see if
you texted me.

1735
01:23:29,310 --> 01:23:32,710
I mean, you were the one who t
old me to stop wearing white
socks with black pants.

1736
01:23:32,710 --> 01:23:34,240
It's not a good look.

1737
01:23:34,240 --> 01:23:38,010
You give me raisins in
third period so my
blood sugar doesn't go low.

1738
01:23:38,020 --> 01:23:40,380
You don't eat properly.

1739
01:23:40,380 --> 01:23:42,580
You download hall and
oates songs onto my phone.

1740
01:23:42,590 --> 01:23:44,620
That started as a joke,
but now I like them.

1741
01:23:44,620 --> 01:23:46,120
Me too.

1742
01:23:46,120 --> 01:23:48,520
I love h&o.

1743
01:23:50,060 --> 01:23:55,360
Look, today has been terrible,
Gabrielle, each version of it,
but it's been

1744
01:23:55,370 --> 01:24:00,700
worth it because today's the
day I finally realized how
much I like you.

1745
01:24:00,700 --> 01:24:05,310
And now all I want to do is
just sit... Several feet away
from

1746
01:24:05,310 --> 01:24:08,710
you and watch the spelling bee.

1747
01:24:08,710 --> 01:24:12,250
But I obviously ruined
all that, so...

1748
01:24:12,250 --> 01:24:18,490
I'm just going to leave
the way I came in and
hope I get another shot.

1749
01:24:31,900 --> 01:24:32,970
Oh, shit.

1750
01:24:32,970 --> 01:24:37,840
So, um... you're at that age.

1751
01:24:37,840 --> 01:24:40,540
You're gonna start
having feelings.

1752
01:24:40,540 --> 01:24:42,440
Dad, I'd really be more
comfortable talking
to mom about this.

1753
01:24:42,450 --> 01:24:43,810
Great. She'll be home later.

1754
01:24:43,810 --> 01:24:46,210
Okay.

1755
01:24:46,220 --> 01:24:47,820
Okay, just go... go
ahead and jump.

1756
01:24:47,820 --> 01:24:47,820
Just count to three and do it.

1757
01:24:47,820 --> 01:24:51,720
Yeah, but you're gonna want
to tuck and roll when you hit.

1758
01:24:51,720 --> 01:24:55,090
Go for a break, not a sprain.
Heals faster.

1759
01:24:55,090 --> 01:24:59,800
That's reassuring.
Okay, three...

1760
01:24:59,800 --> 01:25:02,230
Two...

1761
01:25:02,230 --> 01:25:05,430
You want to watch the rest
of the spelling bee?

1762
01:25:05,440 --> 01:25:07,740
Yeah.

1763
01:25:07,740 --> 01:25:09,470
Can you help me up now, please?

1764
01:25:09,470 --> 01:25:11,270
Yeah. Yes. I can.

1765
01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:12,340
Thank you.

1766
01:25:13,440 --> 01:25:15,540
What did I tell you?

1767
01:25:17,250 --> 01:25:18,910
Love is alive!

1768
01:25:23,590 --> 01:25:25,720
Use it in a sentence?

1769
01:25:35,270 --> 01:25:37,370
This one looks young.

1770
01:25:37,370 --> 01:25:39,870
Yeah, yeah. It's his
first bee, so...

1771
01:25:39,870 --> 01:25:41,800
Is the language of
origin French?

1772
01:25:41,810 --> 01:25:43,810
Origin. That is a great stall.

1773
01:25:43,810 --> 01:25:46,410
Don't spell it till you know it.

1774
01:25:46,410 --> 01:25:49,310
Oh, no. He's imploding.

1775
01:25:49,310 --> 01:25:50,010
Can you hear me?

1776
01:25:50,010 --> 01:25:51,650
Oh, God. I can't watch.

1777
01:25:51,650 --> 01:25:52,850
Oh, don't be such a
pussy. Come on.

1778
01:25:52,850 --> 01:25:54,380
Mnh-mnh. Nope. I'm not
gonna watch it.

1779
01:25:54,380 --> 01:25:56,280
Come on! Don't be s...
oh, wow!

1780
01:25:56,290 --> 01:25:58,820
No, okay, you know what?
That's really bad.

1781
01:25:58,820 --> 01:26:00,890
Unfortunately, you've gone

1782
01:26:00,890 --> 01:26:02,620
over your allotted time.

1783
01:26:02,630 --> 01:26:04,730
You must leave the stage.

1784
01:26:06,560 --> 01:26:10,100
Does anyone know
where his mother is?

1785
01:26:13,040 --> 01:26:16,400
I've liked you since
we first met.

1786
01:26:16,410 --> 01:26:17,410
When I had my lisp?

1787
01:26:17,410 --> 01:26:18,510
Yes.

1788
01:26:20,580 --> 01:26:24,380
I was gonna tell you tonight,
and then I was hoping that the

1789
01:26:24,380 --> 01:26:28,250
beer would help and
not make me burp.

1790
01:26:32,120 --> 01:26:35,090
I was always hoping we'd
be each other's firsts.

1791
01:26:37,030 --> 01:26:38,660
Me too.

1792
01:26:48,870 --> 01:26:50,640
What do you think's
going on in there?

1793
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:55,510
I think... it feels
kind of weird.

1794
01:26:55,510 --> 01:26:58,880
Shush. Do you hear that?

1795
01:26:59,950 --> 01:27:01,520
This feels awkward.

1796
01:27:01,520 --> 01:27:05,120
I feel... I feel unusually
comfortable.

1797
01:27:08,260 --> 01:27:09,930
Okay.

1798
01:27:11,300 --> 01:27:12,660
Should we?

1799
01:27:12,660 --> 01:27:14,030
Yes.

1800
01:27:14,030 --> 01:27:17,030
I mean, like, now?

1801
01:27:17,030 --> 01:27:19,500
Okay, but you should know
I haven't had the best luck
with...

1802
01:27:19,500 --> 01:27:23,570
rob, just try and relax.

1803
01:27:24,170 --> 01:27:26,270
Oh. Oh, no. Oh, God.

1804
01:27:28,510 --> 01:27:30,180
I... I'm sorry. I'm...

1805
01:27:45,800 --> 01:27:50,870
Rob? What happened?

1806
01:27:50,870 --> 01:27:54,140
I mean, besides the obvious.

1807
01:27:55,610 --> 01:27:59,170
I'm not in my bed.

1808
01:27:59,780 --> 01:28:02,540
I'm in your bed.

1809
01:28:03,110 --> 01:28:06,180
And my mom's not here.

1810
01:28:06,180 --> 01:28:08,220
Do you need raisins?

1811
01:28:08,220 --> 01:28:13,890
No. I don't need anything.

1812
01:28:13,890 --> 01:28:17,560
I am right where I'm
supposed to be.

1813
01:28:20,430 --> 01:28:21,630
You know what?

1814
01:28:21,630 --> 01:28:23,270
What?

1815
01:28:23,270 --> 01:28:25,330
We should have done
something like this sooner.

1816
01:28:26,240 --> 01:28:28,370
I've always wanted to.

1817
01:28:31,210 --> 01:28:32,940
Let's try it again.

1818
01:28:40,420 --> 01:28:41,580
That is a wrap!

1819
01:28:41,590 --> 01:28:43,720
We have a champion!

1820
01:28:43,720 --> 01:28:45,290
Yay!

1821
01:28:48,020 --> 01:28:50,360
¶ Take me to your best
friend's house ¶

1822
01:28:50,360 --> 01:28:52,490
¶ goin' 'round this roundabout ¶

1823
01:28:52,500 --> 01:28:56,800
¶ oh, yeah ¶

1824
01:28:56,800 --> 01:28:58,670
¶ take me to your best
friend's house ¶

1825
01:28:58,670 --> 01:29:00,970
¶ I loved you then,
I love you now ¶

1826
01:29:00,970 --> 01:29:05,370
¶ oh, yeah ¶

1827
01:29:05,380 --> 01:29:09,510
¶ don't take me tongue tied ¶

1828
01:29:10,750 --> 01:29:14,520
so, why do you want to
go to Georgetown?

1829
01:29:14,520 --> 01:29:16,120
George who?

1830
01:29:16,120 --> 01:29:18,290
Smart. Beautiful.

1831
01:29:18,290 --> 01:29:20,890
You're exactly what
Georgetown needs.

1832
01:29:20,890 --> 01:29:22,160
Are you married?

1833
01:29:22,160 --> 01:29:23,560
No. Not anymore.

1834
01:29:25,030 --> 01:29:26,330
My wife is dead.

1835
01:29:28,830 --> 01:29:30,730
¶ Normally we're making out ¶

1836
01:29:30,730 --> 01:29:34,640
¶ oh, yeah ¶

1837
01:29:34,640 --> 01:29:37,140
¶ oh, take me to your best
friend's house ¶

1838
01:29:37,140 --> 01:29:40,410
she curb-stomped my genitals.
With her shoes.

1839
01:29:40,410 --> 01:29:42,080
You should have punched
her in the pussy.

1840
01:29:44,080 --> 01:29:45,610
Harder!

1841
01:29:45,620 --> 01:29:48,050
Do it!

1842
01:29:48,050 --> 01:29:52,420
Give her a tit bruise!

1843
01:29:52,420 --> 01:29:56,490
Squeeze her tit until
milk comes out!

1844
01:29:56,490 --> 01:29:57,790
Hi, daddy.

1845
01:29:57,790 --> 01:29:59,130
Fucking...

1846
01:29:59,930 --> 01:30:01,760
No, I can do this.

1847
01:30:01,770 --> 01:30:03,330
Hi, daddy.

1848
01:30:03,330 --> 01:30:05,370
Welcome to my pu pu platter.

1849
01:30:06,570 --> 01:30:07,270
Fuck.

1850
01:30:07,270 --> 01:30:09,400
I'll do anything. Anything.

1851
01:30:09,410 --> 01:30:10,840
Put my finger in my butt and

1852
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:11,840
make me pump it.

1853
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:13,440
I help you jerk off.

1854
01:30:13,440 --> 01:30:14,810
I make you explode.

1855
01:30:14,810 --> 01:30:17,150
Do me doggie style and then

1856
01:30:17,150 --> 01:30:18,480
we can eat dog.

1857
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:21,580
I've had, like, seven orgasms

1858
01:30:21,590 --> 01:30:23,950
so far today.

1859
01:30:23,950 --> 01:30:26,090
Seven?

1860
01:30:26,690 --> 01:30:29,060
That's three more than me.

1861
01:30:29,060 --> 01:30:31,630
Seven?

1862
01:30:31,630 --> 01:30:33,500
You<i> have</i> to come to Georgetown.

1863
01:30:33,500 --> 01:30:36,630
You can make a lot of money,

1864
01:30:36,630 --> 01:30:37,370
young man.

1865
01:30:37,370 --> 01:30:39,330
That is so... wow.

1866
01:30:40,040 --> 01:30:40,740
Is that selling it?

1867
01:30:49,510 --> 01:30:53,250
¶ Oh, yeah ¶

1868
01:30:53,250 --> 01:30:55,120
¶ take me to your best friend's

1869
01:30:55,120 --> 01:30:55,920
house ¶

1870
01:30:55,920 --> 01:30:56,680
¶ I loved you then,

1871
01:30:56,690 --> 01:31:02,160
I love you now ¶

1872
01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:06,130
¶ don't leave me tongue tied ¶

1873
01:31:06,130 --> 01:31:10,370
¶ don't wave no goodbyes ¶

1874
01:31:10,370 --> 01:31:14,500
¶ don't leave me tongue tied ¶

1875
01:31:14,500 --> 01:31:19,370
¶ do-o-o-o-n't ¶

1876
01:31:19,380 --> 01:31:23,240
¶ don't leave me tongue tied ¶

1877
01:31:23,250 --> 01:31:27,480
¶ don't wave no goodbye ¶

1878
01:31:27,480 --> 01:31:31,820
¶ don't leave me tongue tied ¶

1879
01:31:31,820 --> 01:31:38,530
¶ do-o-o-o-n't ¶