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Jem is a Gamebook!

notovny
Jan 26th, 2011
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  1. Jul 15 19:05:59 <notovny> Now let's see what this "Jem and the Holograms" gamebook I downloaded is like.
  2. Jul 15 19:06:16 <nekonoai> LMFAO? a JEm gamebook? XD like larp type thang?
  3. Jul 15 19:06:25 <notovny> Hopefully, it will be Truly Outrageous. Truly, truly, truly, outrageous.
  4. Jul 15 19:06:31 <Assmitten> lol
  5. Jul 15 19:06:37 <Assmitten> Oh, I think it will.
  6. Jul 15 19:06:43 <Assmitten> I always wanted Jem hair.
  7. Jul 15 19:06:58 <notovny> It's from the heyday of Choose Your Own Adventure.
  8. Jul 15 19:07:05 <nekonoai> lol
  9. Jul 15 19:07:08 * Hecubus cracks up
  10. Jul 15 19:08:19 <Assmitten> I always identified with the Misfits.
  11. Jul 15 19:08:44 <nekonoai> i can't imagine why. ;)
  12. Jul 15 19:09:03 <Assmitten> I love the bad guys.
  13. Jul 15 19:09:07 <notovny> Hmm, three pages, and I'm already being harassed by the Misfits. I think I'll retaliate while wearing the expensive jewels I've been lent for the photo shoot.
  14. Jul 15 19:09:18 <Assmitten> GOOO misfits!
  15. Jul 15 19:10:19 <Hecubus> I was too old for the choose your own adventure things.
  16. Jul 15 19:10:27 <notovny> I didn't even get to hit Pizzazz! She fell over her five-inch heels. I have defeated the Misfits. Congratulations, the Party Gains Experience.
  17. Jul 15 19:10:44 <nekonoai> lol
  18. Jul 15 19:11:06 <Assmitten> Oh, I want to play. :(
  19. Jul 15 19:11:18 <notovny> Home of the Underdogs has a bunch of gamebooks available for download. They have the entire "Be an Interplanetary Spy" series, which is so ridiculously crazy, it's awesome.
  20. Jul 15 19:11:48 <Assmitten> Okay, well, I'll be the Misfits and we can fight.
  21. Jul 15 19:11:50 <Assmitten> lol
  22. Jul 15 19:12:27 <Hecubus> tee hee
  23. Jul 15 19:12:48 <notovny> Well, I've found an ending, already. Mecca Jewelry fired me from the photo shoot for attacking Pizzazz in front of photographers.
  24. Jul 15 19:12:59 <Hecubus> bastards.
  25. Jul 15 19:13:03 <Assmitten> How unprofessional.
  26. Jul 15 19:14:01 <notovny> But, Dammit, I'm Jem, so I write a new song called "It's Not Fair" and the single goes Platinum in two days and the music video wins five awards, and I'm "Performer of the Year!"
  27. Jul 15 19:14:42 <Assmitten> bwahaha
  28. Jul 15 19:14:45 <notovny> I send a dozen copies to the Misfits to rub their faces in my fabulous success.
  29. Jul 15 19:14:51 <Assmitten> K, that's going in the sig line, sorry.
  30. Jul 15 19:15:32 <Hecubus> Heh.
  31. Jul 15 19:17:37 <notovny> I get the feeling that this book won't have any endings like the original "Choose Your Own Adventure" books did. I doubt Gem will die of radiation poisoning in a nuclear submarine, or be eaten by wolves, or sold to the salt mines.
  32. Jul 15 19:17:42 <notovny> Jem, even.
  33. Jul 15 19:17:51 <Assmitten> Now my sig line will make me lulz for a week straight.
  34. Jul 15 19:18:04 <Assmitten> I checked every one out from my library.
  35. Jul 15 19:18:18 <Assmitten> I think I had one called You are an Ant or something.
  36. Jul 15 19:18:30 <notovny> There were many companies that jumped on the bandwagon.
  37. Jul 15 19:18:41 <notovny> The Time Machine books were ones I liked quite a bit.
  38. Jul 15 19:19:11 <Assmitten> I think I remember those.
  39. Jul 15 19:19:32 <Assmitten> I didn't know how to use the library then, and I was scared of librarians, so that was all I read.
  40. Jul 15 19:19:33 <notovny> This Time Agency, need you, some random kid, to solve the Historical Mystery that's the theme of the book. Find the Death Mask of Pancho Villa! Find the Last Dinosaur! Look for King Arthur! Etc.
  41. Jul 15 19:19:56 <Assmitten> Now I AM a scary librarian, mwahaha
  42. Jul 15 19:20:01 <notovny> We'll give you some ordinary clothes, a skimpy timeline, and a few useless objects. Go to it!
  43. Jul 15 19:20:55 <notovny> When you have to Find the Last Dinosaur, they give you clothing, and a geologic timescale. Given how dangerous the first time you went to the Mesozoic was, (This is the second trip there) I would have wanted a gun of some sort. But no.
  44. Jul 15 19:21:10 <Assmitten> oR SOME ARMOR.
  45. Jul 15 19:21:29 <notovny> Your job: Find the last dinosaur, and bring back a tooth as proof.
  46. Jul 15 19:21:44 <Assmitten> I always got et.
  47. Jul 15 19:21:57 <notovny> There's only one Ending to the Time Machine Books.
  48. Jul 15 19:22:31 <Hecubus> Death?
  49. Jul 15 19:22:41 <Assmitten> You wake up in an alley with a headache.
  50. Jul 15 19:22:43 <Hecubus> (Enjoy yer food, Mitten)
  51. Jul 15 19:23:11 <notovny> The Ending: After deciding that a combination of every popular theory at the time killed the Dinosaurs, you wind up in a land-bridge valley where all the dinosaurs are deadof a Mystery Disease. One baby triceratops hatches in front of you. You feel sad and sorry, but can't bring it back.
  52. Jul 15 19:23:22 <Hecubus> (I misread...yer not goin' anywhere)
  53. Jul 15 19:23:23 <notovny> You pick up a tooth from the ground that broke off some dinosaur ages ago, and leave.
  54. Jul 15 19:23:30 <Assmitten> LOL
  55. Jul 15 19:23:47 <notovny> Apparently, the Time Machine Organization runs on the Honor System.
  56. Jul 15 19:23:55 <Hecubus> Heh.
  57. Jul 15 19:24:14 <notovny> There was one book where you went to the future: "Rings of Saturn."
  58. Jul 15 19:24:48 <notovny> Scientists detect some signals coming from Enceladus, Saturn's iciest moon. They stop, but they calculate that they'll start up in 75 years or so.
  59. Jul 15 19:25:43 <notovny> Time Machine Organization says, "Random Kid: Here, have some clothing, a skimpy timeline, and an encyclopedia-style map of the Solar System. When the U.S. Space Force sends the first mission to Saturn, we want you on it to find out what these signals are."
  60. Jul 15 19:26:00 <notovny> "Can't I jump forty years past that point and buy a newspaper?" "No."
  61. Jul 15 19:27:28 <Hecubus> so much for the time machine.
  62. Jul 15 19:28:13 <notovny> So you, this mysterious kid with no backstory is thrown into this bizzare hodge-podge sci-fi future complete with nuclear mutants, cyborgs, and space pirates, and manage to worm your way into the Space Force, capture asteroid belt pirates, discover an alien corpse on mars, and go on the first mission to Enceladus.
  63. Jul 15 19:28:13 <Assmitten> Weird, my sister is in a band.
  64. Jul 15 19:28:24 <nekonoai> is she hot?
  65. Jul 15 19:28:44 <Assmitten> Hmm, I think so. It's hard to say. I used to change her diapers.
  66. Jul 15 19:28:56 <nekonoai> lol
  67. Jul 15 19:29:42 <notovny> If I recall correctly, you almost get kidnapped when you get in a car with some stranger who probably wants to sell your organs or something. Ultimately, Enceladus was an alien spacecraft with two occupants. Free the right one, and it thanks you, and leaves.
  68. Jul 15 19:32:37 <nekonoai> what if you free the wrong one?
  69. Jul 15 19:32:50 <notovny> You wind up having to jump back in time when it attacks you.
  70. Jul 15 19:33:17 <nekonoai> did you ever try to read a choose your own in order like a regular book? xD
  71. Jul 15 19:33:23 <nekonoai> that was kind of entertianing
  72. Jul 15 19:33:33 <PlaidSquirrel> it should have eaten you and then taken over your identity to infiltrate the earth
  73. Jul 15 19:33:48 <notovny> You apparently leave your copilot to return back to your own time when you reach the ending, so he not only has to explain your mysterious disappearance to the Space Force, but the fact that a MOON of SATURN is now missing.
  74. Jul 15 19:35:05 * notovny imagines him in a high-tech sanitatium screaming at the walls about aliens and time travellers. "Look! He had a map of the solar system! THAT PROVES IT!"
  75. Jul 15 19:36:00 <nekonoai> lol
  76. Jul 15 19:36:40 <notovny> Also, it's apparently very easy to go off-plot in this Jem gamebook.
  77. Jul 15 19:37:02 <Assmitten> The best kinds are like that.
  78. Jul 15 19:37:18 <notovny> In the case of this one, going off-plot means you hit a "The End".
  79. Jul 15 19:37:54 <Hecubus> Folks, I'm gonna sign off for a bit - will be back later, probably.
  80. Jul 15 19:37:58 <Hecubus> Cheers, mates.
  81. Jul 15 19:38:12 * Hecubus has quit (Quit: Leaving.)
  82. Jul 15 19:38:24 <Assmitten> Ha ha, now I'm in charge.
  83. Jul 15 19:38:30 * Assmitten changes channel to QVC
  84. Jul 15 19:38:48 <nekonoai> what's for sale? xD
  85. Jul 15 19:39:04 <notovny> Said "Yes" to going on a tour with another pop group. "Early the next morning, you board a private jet and say goodby to NYC, the Misfits, and...To the mystery of the 'Jewels in the Dark.' It's a mystery that would have drawn you into a strange whilpool of action and suspense on that very same day. But since you left town, the mystery never happens. And so this is...The End."
  86. Jul 15 19:39:30 <Assmitten> That is kind of passive aggressive.
  87. Jul 15 19:40:09 <nekonoai> like. OMG YOU LOSER. ;)
  88. Jul 15 19:40:31 <PlaidSquirrel> have you guys ditched the jfade channel for this one for good?
  89. Jul 15 19:40:59 <Assmitten> Oh hey
  90. Jul 15 19:41:12 <notovny> On the whole, it seems like the sensible thing to do. Previously Pizazz had yelled out into a microphone at some function, "You think Jem's really hot, don't you? Well I've got news for you. She's gonna steal the Langley Jewels and keep 'em for herself! So watch her!"
  91. Jul 15 19:41:18 <Assmitten> I dunno, are grahtards there?
  92. Jul 15 19:42:09 <notovny> Hmm, stick around and get embroiled in some crazy Misfit Mystery, or go on a tour with David Michael, and crap out tunes that go platinum in 48 hours without half trying...Hard to decide.
  93. Jul 15 19:42:12 <PlaidSquirrel> lil came in once or twice, amber showed last night i think it was and aggie is in there now
  94. Jul 15 19:42:26 <PlaidSquirrel> i haven't seen anyone else in there that i recall
  95. Jul 15 19:42:34 <Assmitten> I'm going on tour with David Michael.
  96. Jul 15 19:42:56 <nekonoai> crazy misfit mystery! crazy misfit mystery! lulz
  97. Jul 15 19:45:32 <notovny> Oh very well. No to the tour. Promote the jewels some more. Use Synergy, my hypersophisticated 1980's sentient holographic computer that probably runs at an amazing 350 MHz and has 64 MB of RAM. Back to my secret identity as Jerrica Benton to watch TV and eat nachos.
  98. Jul 15 19:46:07 <Assmitten> HA
  99. Jul 15 19:49:01 <notovny> And at the photo shoot, the lights blow a fuse, and it's dark for a moment, and somebody steals the jewels off my neck. I make no attempt to grab the person who grabs my neck. No attempt to call for help, or anything. I just stay silent so it will be easier to blame me.
  100. Jul 15 19:51:09 * nekonoai eats another burrito
  101. Jul 15 19:52:36 <notovny> Police are baffled. Eric Raymond, my supposed record studio partner, comes within a hair's breadth of sayign I took them on television. Should I hire a PI, or use my Truly Outrageous Glam to hunt down the thief myself?
  102. Jul 15 19:52:55 <nekonoai> TOG! TOG!
  103. Jul 15 19:53:58 <notovny> I can be a Glam Rocker. I can be an orphanage manager. Detective shouldn't be too hard. Who needs professionals? I've got a crazy talking computer. I'll do it myself.
  104. Jul 15 19:54:33 <nekonoai> yay!
  105. Jul 15 19:54:34 <notovny> But first, I'll take a bubble bath for no apparent reason.
  106. Jul 15 19:54:50 <nekonoai> LOL
  107. Jul 15 19:55:01 <notovny> I mean, it's not like I'm facing decades of jail time or anything. I'm Jem!
  108. Jul 15 19:56:19 <Assmitten> What effects do a bubble bath give?
  109. Jul 15 19:56:24 <Assmitten> +5 fruity smell?
  110. Jul 15 19:56:54 <notovny> Apparently, thinking power. The Holograms and I have decided to write the names of the suspects on the hotel mirror in lipstick while I'm bathing.
  111. Jul 15 19:56:57 <nekonoai> lol
  112. Jul 15 19:57:07 <nekonoai> in lipstick.
  113. Jul 15 19:57:14 <nekonoai> becuse the hotel doesn't have pens and paper
  114. Jul 15 19:57:34 <Assmitten> Hmm, apparently you all bathe together?
  115. Jul 15 19:57:56 <notovny> I'm Jem, Dammit! Pens and Paper aren't Truly Outrageous! Now, Kimber, don't forget to take down the mirror so you can brink it with us when I'm investigating.
  116. Jul 15 19:58:02 <nekonoai> no. the holograms are ALL WRITING with lipstick, because it takes that many to do so
  117. Jul 15 19:58:09 <nekonoai> LOL
  118. Jul 15 20:00:51 <notovny> Suspects: Richard, the Photographer. He could have made sure the fuse would have popped. Amanda, the...I don't remember what she does. But she stole my lip gloss last week, so she could be stealing diamonds this week. Also , she took a long time to let the light back in. The Ad Agency People, because they were upset by the theft. The Langleys, because they are a cowardly and superstitious lot. The Misfits, because I h
  119. Jul 15 20:00:51 <notovny> ate them.
  120. Jul 15 20:01:55 <notovny> Assuming that got cut off, "The Misfits, because I hate them."
  121. Jul 15 20:02:12 <nekonoai> LOL
  122. Jul 15 20:03:04 <notovny> Okay. I've got my little sister carrying around the eighty pound bathroom mirror, so who should I follow?
  123. Jul 15 20:04:04 <PlaidSquirrel> the girl who stole your lipgloss
  124. Jul 15 20:04:19 <notovny> Amanda it is.
  125. Jul 15 20:04:23 <PlaidSquirrel> she just might lead you to the lipgloss
  126. Jul 15 20:04:40 <PlaidSquirrel> if you get it back you can look great while you check out the rest of them
  127. Jul 15 20:05:34 <notovny> We use the worlds most advanced holographic technology to disguise us as a 50's bobby soxers in 1980's new york to follow Amada.
  128. Jul 15 20:05:52 <nekonoai> LOL
  129. Jul 15 20:06:01 <Assmitten> nOW i AM SEEING pink hair and ankle socks.
  130. Jul 15 20:06:20 <nekonoai> and saddle shoes. :D
  131. Jul 15 20:06:36 <Assmitten> Right!
  132. Jul 15 20:07:31 <notovny> She's dressed like a man in blue jeans, a baggy cable sweater, and a Mets cap, and carrying a backpack, and running down the street! The game is afoot!
  133. Jul 15 20:07:53 <Assmitten> Hmm, suspicious.
  134. Jul 15 20:08:27 <notovny> Damn, she's moonlighting as a jockey.
  135. Jul 15 20:08:39 <Assmitten> Of course she is.
  136. Jul 15 20:08:52 <nekonoai> a sausage jockey?
  137. Jul 15 20:08:55 <notovny> I demand to know why she stole my lipstick.
  138. Jul 15 20:09:32 <PlaidSquirrel> no wonder you keep having to use these disguises
  139. Jul 15 20:09:43 <PlaidSquirrel> you have no lipgloss/stick
  140. Jul 15 20:10:17 <Assmitten> Oh neko
  141. Jul 15 20:10:33 <notovny> She apparently is not confused by being questioned by extras from West Side Story. Apparently, she wanted a keepsake. She feeds me some cock-and-bull story about knowing that she'll become rich and famous as a jockey, and I believe her, and let her keep the lipstick.
  142. Jul 15 20:10:48 <PlaidSquirrel> apparently she feels plain and mannish without it
  143. Jul 15 20:10:48 <nekonoai> mew?
  144. Jul 15 20:11:07 <Assmitten> Well, this is before ebay, so I find her story implausible.
  145. Jul 15 20:11:22 <notovny> Give me a moment to retrieve my laundry, and we'll go back to the other suspects.
  146. Jul 15 20:11:31 <PlaidSquirrel> lol
  147. Jul 15 20:17:32 <notovny> Other Suspects: Richard the Photogrpaher. Ad Agency People. Charles or Gabriella Langley, Jewel Owners. The Misfits.
  148. Jul 15 20:18:01 <nekonoai> Richard!
  149. Jul 15 20:18:07 <Assmitten> Chase the Misfits!
  150. Jul 15 20:18:10 <Assmitten> It has to be them
  151. Jul 15 20:18:27 <notovny> Hmm. PlaidSquirrel: Tiebreak?
  152. Jul 15 20:18:48 <PlaidSquirrel> i was thinking the jewel owners but to break the tie go with richard
  153. Jul 15 20:20:18 <notovny> Through the use of Social Engineering (i.e., asking the receptionist), I cleverly discover that Richard's doing a photo shoot at the Statue of Liberty! To the Jemmobile! Oh, wait, guess I have to take a cab, then a ferry.
  154. Jul 15 20:20:48 <Assmitten> What would a Jemobile look like?
  155. Jul 15 20:20:51 <nekonoai> didn't Jem have a car? or am I thinking of Rio?
  156. Jul 15 20:21:00 <Assmitten> Oooh, Rio
  157. Jul 15 20:21:02 <Assmitten> lol
  158. Jul 15 20:22:16 <notovny> Yes, she did, but apparently I don't have it in New York. Rio is off on the West Coast trying to put together an album or something. Luckily, I can disguise myself as Jerica Benton by NOT DISGUISING MYSELF AT ALL, and sneak up on Richard and get him to invite me to his studio. But he's not paying attention to me anymore.
  159. Jul 15 20:23:05 <PlaidSquirrel> he just wants to take naked pics of you!
  160. Jul 15 20:23:11 <PlaidSquirrel> use it to your advantage
  161. Jul 15 20:23:19 <notovny> Shall I chart with his assistant to investigate the crime, or become the Truly Outrageous Glam Rocker Jem and possibly blow my secret identity in a fit of pique?
  162. Jul 15 20:23:55 <nekonoai> glam rocker!
  163. Jul 15 20:24:14 <Assmitten> JEM
  164. Jul 15 20:24:22 <PlaidSquirrel> oh
  165. Jul 15 20:24:31 <PlaidSquirrel> wasn't reading closely enough
  166. Jul 15 20:24:47 <PlaidSquirrel> how insulting that he doesn't want to take your naked pics
  167. Jul 15 20:24:51 <Assmitten> lol
  168. Jul 15 20:25:41 <nekonoai> wow. remember british knights sneakers? xD
  169. Jul 15 20:25:43 <notovny> I don't care that Richard's doing his job. In a flash of brilliance, I pop into a bathroom to hold aloft my magic earrings and scream, "By the Power of Synergy!"
  170. Jul 15 20:25:58 <nekonoai> LOL
  171. Jul 15 20:27:19 <notovny> Before I can find Richard, however, I run into Rio outside the bathroom. I instantly forget that my freedom is on the line and we go on a date instead. The End.
  172. Jul 15 20:27:27 <PlaidSquirrel> now when he asks to take your naked pics tell him you are too busy with your two lesbian lovers and some random dude you have selected to have a sexual exploration with
  173. Jul 15 20:27:35 <nekonoai> WHAT?! GAY!
  174. Jul 15 20:28:08 <PlaidSquirrel> seee!
  175. Jul 15 20:28:16 <PlaidSquirrel> too bus with the lesbian lover
  176. Jul 15 20:28:21 <PlaidSquirrel> busy*
  177. Jul 15 20:28:25 <notovny> Back to page 23, Talk with the Assistant.
  178. Jul 15 20:30:28 <notovny> Richard's assistant is Amanda, the Closet Jockey. Suspicious! As Jerrica, I chat her up about the lighting, and she says that she knows how to plug lights in, Richard did it himself and screwed it up.
  179. Jul 15 20:32:30 <notovny> Rifling through Richard's camera bag like some comon criminal, I've discovered that Richard's having dinner at the River Cafe at 8PM, circled in red. Suspicious! But I've got to tape a show as Jem, where I suffer through a banal interview but look Truly Outrageous doing it, before resuming stalking Richard.
  180. Jul 15 20:35:07 <notovny> Yes, he's meeting a date. I get into the restaurant with the Holograms, and are trying to spy on him. However, my clever, stealthy disguise of being Jem and The Holograms attracts attention, and I'm mobbed by a Random Encounter Crowd. Do I sign autographs, or do I Get Nervous?
  181. Jul 15 20:36:12 <nekonoai> SIGN
  182. Jul 15 20:37:45 <PlaidSquirrel> you'll lose him if you sign
  183. Jul 15 20:38:01 <PlaidSquirrel> but i don't see that getting nervous will help either
  184. Jul 15 20:38:06 <notovny> I spend twenty minutes Signing Autographs, and Richard and his Boojum Skank softly and suddenly vanish away. No Mystery for Me, but my fans love me, and I presume they'll still love me when I'm in jail. The End.
  185. Jul 15 20:38:11 <PlaidSquirrel> so you may as well sign
  186. Jul 15 20:38:27 <Assmitten> Boojum skank?
  187. Jul 15 20:38:31 <Assmitten> I missed something
  188. Jul 15 20:38:33 <PlaidSquirrel> brb
  189. Jul 15 20:39:21 <notovny> Back to page 34, where I decide to panick at being recognized as an International Glam Rock Star.
  190. Jul 15 20:39:51 * Assmitten is now known as AssyDinner
  191. Jul 15 20:40:19 <nekonoai> lol
  192. Jul 15 20:41:29 <notovny> I run out of the Cafe screaming my head off and regroup with the Holograms. "Richard must have stolen the necklace, because he did the lights himself. He had an accomplice, a woman in a puffy red wig(?!)"
  193. Jul 15 20:42:42 <notovny> However, though Jem apparently knows who this woman in the Puffy Red Wig is, and somehow doesn't, I can't count the letters in that woman's first name, multiply by five and add 1, to go to the Mystery Solved page. So it's back to page 29.
  194. Jul 15 20:43:49 <notovny> Remaining suspects: Ad Agency People. Charles Langley. Gabriella Langley. The Misfits.
  195. Jul 15 20:44:42 <notovny> Who do you distrust?
  196. Jul 15 20:49:22 <notovny> Very, well. Even though they weren't there at the actual photo shoot where the jewels were stolen, Clearly, the Misfits are to blame,so as Assmitten said, let's follow the Misfits.
  197. Jul 15 20:51:33 <notovny> As Jem, I follow them to a seconhand clothing store, where I find them buying stained leather clothing. I accuse Pizzazz of stealing the necklace to her face.
  198. Jul 15 20:52:08 <PlaidSquirrel> had to go make a sandwich
  199. Jul 15 20:53:24 <nekonoai> doesn't one of THEM have a red wig?
  200. Jul 15 20:54:20 <notovny> I follow them and dont even bother to hide the fact. When the give a concert at Madison Square Garden, I rifle their dressing rooms,, and find a note that says "$200,000 -- 34 Spring Street -- 2AM." I then get caught by Eric Raymond who attempts to blackmail me into terible things.
  201. Jul 15 20:54:47 <notovny> Sing on Stage with the Misfits, or Flee For My Life?
  202. Jul 15 20:55:56 <nekonoai> SING
  203. Jul 15 20:56:01 <nekonoai> cause that can never be good
  204. Jul 15 20:57:11 <PlaidSquirrel> but if she sings with them doesn't that make it seem like she endorses them?
  205. Jul 15 20:58:18 <notovny> I go on stage, planning to mess things up for the Misfits by annoucing that they've decided to donate half the profits to charity, and to congratulate Pizzazz for retiring from Show Biz while still young, but the fans attack me with garbage, water, and dead mice as soon as I set foot on stage. Apparently, this is standard practice for a Misfits Concert.
  206. Jul 15 20:59:47 <notovny> No joke. People pay money to throw dead animals and garbage at the Misfits.
  207. Jul 15 20:59:55 <nekonoai> oh, I am having the best conversation. xD
  208. Jul 15 21:00:27 <nekonoai> [20:57] Nicole: "Shayna and Aja realize that they are the token ethnicities in the story so they...
  209. Jul 15 21:00:28 <nekonoai> a - call Jerrica out on this revelation
  210. Jul 15 21:00:28 <nekonoai> b - revoke their ghetto cards
  211. Jul 15 21:00:28 <nekonoai> c - ask Rio if he's white or Messican to see if he'd rather just leave with them
  212. Jul 15 21:00:28 <nekonoai> [20:57] Nicole: "
  213. Jul 15 21:00:28 <nekonoai> [20:58] nekonoai: lol
  214. Jul 15 21:00:29 <nekonoai> [20:58] Nicole: Seriously.
  215. Jul 15 21:00:31 <nekonoai> [20:58] Nicole: What IS Rio?
  216. Jul 15 21:00:33 <nekonoai> [20:58] nekonoai: brazillian.
  217. Jul 15 21:00:35 <nekonoai> [20:58] nekonoai: HELLO>>> HIS NAME IS RIO AND HE DANCES ON THE SAND!
  218. Jul 15 21:00:37 <nekonoai> [20:58] nekonoai: lulz
  219. Jul 15 21:00:39 <nekonoai> [20:58] Nicole: lol
  220. Jul 15 21:00:42 <nekonoai> [20:59] Nicole: His name means "river".
  221. Jul 15 21:00:43 <nekonoai> [20:59] Nicole: Is Rio "grande"?
  222. Jul 15 21:00:48 * nekonoai giggles. xD
  223. Jul 15 21:00:53 <notovny> Heh.
  224. Jul 15 21:01:25 <PlaidSquirrel> so what happens at the concert then?
  225. Jul 15 21:01:34 <PlaidSquirrel> is that an end point?
  226. Jul 15 21:01:39 <nekonoai> besides the dead rats and garbage.
  227. Jul 15 21:01:59 <notovny> Presumably I escape disguised in garbage and dead rodents. Now do I question another suspect, or check out the note?
  228. Jul 15 21:02:18 <PlaidSquirrel> what note?
  229. Jul 15 21:02:22 <PlaidSquirrel> oh
  230. Jul 15 21:02:25 <PlaidSquirrel> yeah the note
  231. Jul 15 21:02:53 <PlaidSquirrel> probably they all sold themselves into a harem or something
  232. Jul 15 21:03:07 <nekonoai> there was a note? wher ethe hell did that come from?
  233. Jul 15 21:03:15 <PlaidSquirrel> the dressingroom
  234. Jul 15 21:03:24 <PlaidSquirrel> i was thrown for a moment too
  235. Jul 15 21:03:25 <notovny> I found it while I was stealing the Misfits' pocket change.
  236. Jul 15 21:03:38 <nekonoai> very good.
  237. Jul 15 21:04:23 <nekonoai> yes. what's in the note? :D
  238. Jul 15 21:04:54 <notovny> $200,000 -- 34 Spring Street -- 2AM."
  239. Jul 15 21:05:19 <nekonoai> hmm. sounds like a ransom note.
  240. Jul 15 21:06:41 <notovny> After another opulent bubble bath, and copying down the contents of the note onto another mirror, I head to the meeting. I find a note on the door that says "Misfits--Ring Fourth Floor Four Times." I do so, and am buzzed in. I take the elevator to the fourth floor.
  241. Jul 15 21:08:23 <notovny> I wander down a Spooky dark hall, and walk through an unlocked door into a dark room. The door slams behind me, and locks shut. Oh noes! Yell for help from some unsavory street person, or Climb down the fire escape myself?
  242. Jul 15 21:09:12 <nekonoai> unsavory
  243. Jul 15 21:10:56 <notovny> Direct quote. "Hey you," you call to the man. When he turns to look up, you shout, "Call the police!" "Me? No way!" "But I'm trapped up here!" "Well, I'm breaking into this car, so shut up and leave me alone."
  244. Jul 15 21:11:13 <PlaidSquirrel> lol
  245. Jul 15 21:11:37 * nekonoai falls over
  246. Jul 15 21:11:45 <nekonoai> i guess we hafta climb the fire escape
  247. Jul 15 21:11:55 <notovny> Someone's cp,omg/ Ot
  248. Jul 15 21:11:58 <notovny> Bah.
  249. Jul 15 21:13:13 <notovny> Someone's coming! It's Pizazz! And she's rought a Wrestler named Bruno! It was a trap! Pizzazz and the wrestler plan to keep me locked in this room for a few days, long enough for the public to think that I took off after stealing the necklace. I threaten her. Bruno Threatens me.
  250. Jul 15 21:13:50 <nekonoai> oh snap!
  251. Jul 15 21:15:21 <notovny> Also, my apparent kidnapper says that she was filming a music video the night of the robbery, in front of witnesses. Bruno promises to break my legs if I run, scream, or try to use the phone. Or if I don't play Scrabble with him.
  252. Jul 15 21:15:45 <nekonoai> LOL
  253. Jul 15 21:16:49 <notovny> The next morning, the Misfits come by to take turns watching me. They are bad at scrabble, but they brought a TV. Perhaps I can trick/talk one of my captors into letting me go. Bruno, or Stormer?
  254. Jul 15 21:17:10 <notovny> Oh, and the Police are now convinced that I ran off with the jewels.
  255. Jul 15 21:17:47 <nekonoai> stormer. i don't think she's too bright.
  256. Jul 15 21:19:01 <PlaidSquirrel> yeah bruno is probably smarter since he breought the scrabble
  257. Jul 15 21:20:06 <notovny> She's also a vegetarian. Doesn't believe in hurting animals. Kidnapping me so that I can't crap out multi-million selling records while you guys get hit in the face with corpses at a paying concert is hurting me. I am Jem. What you are doing is wrong. I promise *snicker* to not bring charges against you once you free me.
  258. Jul 15 21:21:22 <notovny> She falls for it, and I make my way back to my hotel room. I let my friends know what happened. I apparently don't talk to the cops or anything, so they've probably still got Shoot-to-Kill orders out on me. Bubblebath agian, and new suspect.
  259. Jul 15 21:22:02 <nekonoai> lol
  260. Jul 15 21:22:10 <nekonoai> cleanest bitch ever
  261. Jul 15 21:22:17 <notovny> Ad Agency. Charles Langley. Gabriella Langley.
  262. Jul 15 21:22:40 <nekonoai> ad agency
  263. Jul 15 21:24:29 <notovny> Clever disguise as Jerrica Benton, and I follow Gordon and Margaret, the ad agency people. Business Breakfast with a client. Back to office. Business lunch with client. Back to office. Coffe break with a Client. Business Dinner with a client. Suspicious!
  264. Jul 15 21:25:07 <notovny> It takes me three days to realize that perhaps these ad agency people like making money.
  265. Jul 15 21:25:36 <nekonoai> lol
  266. Jul 15 21:25:40 <PlaidSquirrel> go for the husband next
  267. Jul 15 21:25:44 <notovny> Meanwhile, the manhunt for Jem, Jewel Thief presumably continues.
  268. Jul 15 21:26:15 <notovny> They're brother and sister, I think. Charles Langley it is.
  269. Jul 15 21:26:34 <PlaidSquirrel> he had to fake the theft to get hold of the necklace for pawning to settle gambling debt
  270. Jul 15 21:26:53 <PlaidSquirrel> just a guess
  271. Jul 15 21:27:07 <nekonoai> you know what? I bet Jem DID do it! :P
  272. Jul 15 21:27:12 <PlaidSquirrel> lol
  273. Jul 15 21:27:13 * AssyDinner is now known as Assmitten
  274. Jul 15 21:27:45 <nekonoai> oh lovely assy, oh assy my love... what a beautiful assy you are... you are you are... what a beautiful assy you are. XD
  275. Jul 15 21:28:04 <Assmitten> Are we eating with runcible spoons yet?
  276. Jul 15 21:28:12 <nekonoai> Totally :D
  277. Jul 15 21:28:17 <nekonoai> and still doing the adventure!
  278. Jul 15 21:28:19 <notovny> I follow him in my limo to his fabulous long island estate, but he's packed and ready to leave. He's off to a pier to board a ship, and I follow him on, hoping to rifle through his personal items in attempt to prove I am not a crook. Unfortunately, the ship leaves as soon as I am aboard.
  279. Jul 15 21:28:20 <Assmitten> yey
  280. Jul 15 21:28:32 <Assmitten> I like notovny as GM
  281. Jul 15 21:28:39 <nekonoai> oh snap!
  282. Jul 15 21:29:41 <nekonoai> I wish they'd make movies for the other douglas adams books. ;p
  283. Jul 15 21:30:09 <nekonoai> </random>
  284. Jul 15 21:30:48 <notovny> Unfortunately, we're headed to Antarctica. I spend six months searching the cabin, and find nothing. Looks like he didn't steal them after all. By the end, I'm chanting Tekeli-Li, because his characteristic throat-clearing has driven me to drooling madness. The End.
  285. Jul 15 21:31:15 <nekonoai> back to his sister.
  286. Jul 15 21:31:21 <nekonoai> the bitch prolly shoved em up her twat
  287. Jul 15 21:31:28 <Assmitten> A cabin in antarctica?
  288. Jul 15 21:31:38 <nekonoai> scroll up ass. xD
  289. Jul 15 21:31:54 <nekonoai> you missed some funnies. :D
  290. Jul 15 21:31:55 <Assmitten> HEY ARE YOU CALLING ME AN ASS
  291. Jul 15 21:31:57 <Assmitten> Oh, wait.
  292. Jul 15 21:31:58 <notovny> I am Jem! I am Truly Outrageous! I am not bound by the rules of time and space and common sense! Gabby must have done it!
  293. Jul 15 21:32:04 <nekonoai> THAT's RIGHT! :D
  294. Jul 15 21:32:12 <nekonoai> YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN OF IT!?!?!? lulz
  295. Jul 15 21:32:30 <Assmitten> nooo
  296. Jul 15 21:32:40 <nekonoai> ok then XD
  297. Jul 15 21:32:59 * nekonoai goes to see if her milk is still good.
  298. Jul 15 21:33:26 <notovny> I disguise myself as a menial household servant, and attempt to insinuate myself into the Langley House's staff. But I must make a choice: Maid or Gabriella's Social Secretary?
  299. Jul 15 21:33:51 <PlaidSquirrel> social secretary
  300. Jul 15 21:34:00 <PlaidSquirrel> that way you know where she is going to be
  301. Jul 15 21:36:04 <notovny> Unfortunately, I am a Glam Rocker, and while I can answer the phone, I don't speak any foreign languages, nor do I know the proper knife to use at a formal dinner. As a result, she refuses to hire me for the Job. So I give up, and turn myself in for the theft, or am shot by a devil-may care cop with nothing to lose, presumably. The End.
  302. Jul 15 21:36:37 <nekonoai> MAID
  303. Jul 15 21:36:43 <nekonoai> never try to get TOO close
  304. Jul 15 21:36:58 <nekonoai> in other news. the milk is GOOD!
  305. Jul 15 21:37:04 <nekonoai> and now has chocolate within!
  306. Jul 15 21:37:07 * nekonoai sips happily
  307. Jul 15 21:37:46 <PlaidSquirrel> aww
  308. Jul 15 21:37:54 <PlaidSquirrel> i was so wrong
  309. Jul 15 21:38:43 <notovny> Being a maid means lots of rooms to rifle, valuables to pocket, signatures to forge, and maybe, I might be able to prove that I didn't steal the jewels. Or I might find the jewels and actually steal them. One of th two. I interview with Mrs. Hotchkiss, who is some kind of house manager, and am hired.
  310. Jul 15 21:40:57 <notovny> While I'm being given the house tour by Hotchkiss, I hear some people talking in a library. Then the phone rings, and Hotchkiss runs off to answer it. Violate Privacy by eavesdropping at the Library door, or by listening to the phone call on an extension?
  311. Jul 15 21:41:32 <PlaidSquirrel> library door
  312. Jul 15 21:43:21 <notovny> Gabriella's talking to a Mr. Paxton, who's apparently their insurance agent. She's been bugging him a lot about when they're going to be paid the insurance for the theft of the jewels. But the company won't pay out $5 Mill without an thorough investigation, and presumably they have Glam Rockers, Punk Rockers, and Heavy Metal Bands on their payroll. Gabby's not happy to hear this.
  313. Jul 15 21:45:02 <notovny> Mrs. Hotchkiss comes back and finds me, we finish the tour, and it's off to Gabriella's room, where I'm shown the shoe closet, the dress closet, the coat closet, the nightgown closet, and the puffy red wig closet.
  314. Jul 15 21:45:33 <PlaidSquirrel> ha
  315. Jul 15 21:46:04 <notovny> I quit immediately because I'm Jem and I don't have to take this crap anymore. Lemme pull up what the formula was...
  316. Jul 15 21:47:03 <notovny> Gabriella. Nine letters Times 5, Plus 1. Page 46.
  317. Jul 15 21:48:07 <PlaidSquirrel> was it gambling debt?
  318. Jul 15 21:48:18 <PlaidSquirrel> was i at least right about that?
  319. Jul 15 21:49:14 <notovny> Time and space realign and suddenly I'm back at the restaurant. I reveal my amazing deduction to my Holograms, and tell them about the wig and the tickets to Greece that I apparently noticed. We need a plan, and Kimber can stop carrying around the mirror. But we ain't got proof. Hey, there's Richard's car! Shall I break into it, or Call the Police
  320. Jul 15 21:49:49 <PlaidSquirrel> break into it!
  321. Jul 15 21:50:00 <PlaidSquirrel> you haven't got much to lose now
  322. Jul 15 21:50:26 <PlaidSquirrel> plus richard may not be in on it
  323. Jul 15 21:50:39 <PlaidSquirrel> you should find out before you call the cops
  324. Jul 15 21:50:40 <notovny> We know he's in on it. Gabriella was the Boojum Skank.
  325. Jul 15 21:51:12 <PlaidSquirrel> ahh
  326. Jul 15 21:51:24 <PlaidSquirrel> yeah
  327. Jul 15 21:51:41 <PlaidSquirrel> i forgot that bit
  328. Jul 15 21:52:34 <PlaidSquirrel> i swear i am marginally better at this when reading an actual book
  329. Jul 15 21:53:06 <PlaidSquirrel> anyway break into his car
  330. Jul 15 21:53:06 <notovny> We go over to the car, and see it's full of suitcases. We attempt to use our powers combined to open the door. However, upon lifting the latch, the alarm goes off. Richard and Gabriella come runing out of the restaurant. The moment they see us, Gabby freaks. "Stop them, Richard, they're stealing my jewels!"
  331. Jul 15 21:53:46 <PlaidSquirrel> ahhah!
  332. Jul 15 21:53:57 <PlaidSquirrel> we suposedly already did that!
  333. Jul 15 21:55:26 <notovny> She pushes us aside, and starts rifling through her suitcases. "I didn't steal them the first time! You did!" I cry. But the jewels aren't there. Dammit, somebody got to them first! Kimber notices an envelope that has come out of one of the suitcases, and hands it to Gabrielle.
  334. Jul 15 21:58:26 <notovny> It's in Charles' handwriting. Apparently, charles figured it out, figured out that Gaby stole the necklace for the insurance money and hoped to run off with it and her photographer friend. Found the jewels in her shoe closet, and stole them himself. And apparently he's disappeared with them for parts unknown isntead. Antarctica, perhaps? Oh, wait, we don't know that in this branch of the timestream.
  335. Jul 15 21:59:30 <notovny> "Forget about going to the police. They'll never find me. And besides--then you'd have to admit that you stole the necklace in the first place. Of course, if someone else finds this letter before you do, you can also kiss the insurance money good-bye. Good luck, little sister, and Goodbye--Charles."
  336. Jul 15 21:59:32 <notovny> THe End.
  337. Jul 15 21:59:35 <PlaidSquirrel> or maybe gem murdered him dead and planted that note
  338. Jul 15 21:59:49 <PlaidSquirrel> but still
  339. Jul 15 21:59:54 <PlaidSquirrel> it was a good time
  340. Jul 15 22:01:29 <notovny> Well. No Jewels. Only a slight exoneration. At least I can beat the crap out of Richard and Gabrielle until the cops get here, then prosecute the Misfits for kidnapping.
  341. Jul 15 22:02:09 <notovny> Mere mortals Press Charges, but I am Jem! I am the Law!
  342. Jul 15 22:02:13 <notovny> The end.
  343. Jul 15 22:02:29 <PlaidSquirrel> nice
  344. Jul 15 22:03:17 <notovny> I wonder what would have happened if we had hired a private investigator.
  345. Jul 15 22:04:17 <PlaidSquirrel> hmm
  346. Jul 15 22:04:22 <notovny> Hah! Straight to jail in two pages!
  347. Jul 15 22:05:28 <PlaidSquirrel> so i am a few minutes into a show about kids with tourettes
  348. Jul 15 22:05:32 <notovny> The real thief bribes the PI with $10k to plant evidence, and the cops believe it. Twenty-year sentece.
  349. Jul 15 22:05:45 <PlaidSquirrel> it's interesting
  350. Jul 15 22:06:01 <PlaidSquirrel> but it would drive me nuts t be around a kid like that
  351. Jul 15 22:07:33 <PlaidSquirrel> even though it is obviously a real issue i can't help but feel like some of this is put on
  352. Jul 15 22:15:21 <Assmitten> Aw, Hook is up for ouster.
  353. Jul 15 22:43:23 <Assmitten> Whoa, Repo! The Genetic Opera. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repo!_the_Genetic_Opera
  354. Jul 15 23:28:28 <notovny> Hmm. With Paris Hilton as Amber Sweet, the surgery-addicted daughter of Rotti Largo, dying president of Geneco.
  355. Jul 15 23:29:56 <Assmitten> Sadly, sounds like a must-miss.
  356. Jul 15 23:30:08 <Assmitten> I got all excited because I thought it was based on Repo Man.
  357. Jul 15 23:58:56 * KellyQ ([email protected]) has joined #simshaven
  358. Jul 16 00:19:08 <notovny> I must sleep now.
  359. **** ENDING LOGGING AT Wed Jul 16 00:20:12 2008
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