Thread 18: Stories 61-75

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>Rainbow Dash
"Spitfire"
'AJ56'
________

>Ommmmmm....

'I don't... really, I mean, I'm not stupid, I know what this is but you're tellin' me it's... meditation...?'

"Mmph...."

'Uh-huh... and she just... this is how she how she does it? She just sits on your face...?'

>Ommmmm....

"Pffng."

'Draws out your bitch energy to calm her minds eye...? Huh. I guess that's... ya know what, not gonna lie. I don't get this meditatin' whosafudge. Just looks like she's restin' on your face from where I'm sittin'. And I also gotta say I'm jealous....'

"Mmpgh!"

'No no no, you enjoy yourself. Looks like you're deeeeeep in her crack, don't wanna ruin that. I'll just go find Moons, or that furry catbutt lady and- what was it again?- meditate with them! See ya, Spits!'

"MMMMMPH!"

>Ommmmmm... shut the hell up down there, you're throwing off my chi... Ommmmmm....
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>Neighponese ponies
“Spike”
‘Celestia’
_______


Night had fallen and all through the castle, not a Changeling stirred, creating a hassle. But scaling the walls, up towards the top window, were a group of foreigners, engulfed in shadow. Nefarious intentions made clear, they readied their weapons, swords and 'chuks they clutched by the dozens.

But what they did not know, as they leapt to the sill, was that their company was expected, oh what a thrill! The Neighponese ponies were given a real fright, when they saw those green flames light up the night! It burned them and singed them and melted their swords, so they backflipped from the window with an oath foresworn:

>Tonight you stopped us, this we admit, but do not believe for an instant we forfeit! The day will come when your back is turned and on that hour your last candle will burn!

And just like that, as though they were never there, the Neighponies vanished, clean into thin air. With the threat now vanquished, a peaceful night reigned, except for a confused dragon who stared without aim.

“Skipping over their crummy rhyming, how’d you know they’d be coming tonight, ‘Tia?”

With a well-earned yawn and a weary grin, Celestia merely dug under her covers, giggling at him.

'The Neighponese ambassador, bless his stressed soul, always tells me when their wayward ponies come knocking. I can't even begin to get upset, I think it's rather cute.'

"Huh...."

'And Spike?'

"Yeah?"

'You make a wonderful protector, even without your sidearm.'

The dragon's ears did glow as her words touched him so, but he only scratched behind his head, too modest to show.

"...thanks."

'Goodnight, dear.'
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>DT
"Spike"
'42'
{77}
~~~~

>Hey guys, check out my new toy.
She wears what initially appears to be pink cybernetic boots on her forehooves only for fingers to pop out.

{'Ooooh'}

>They're called Iron Hands. A combination of Earth pony technology and Unicorn magic. They're controlled by the chocker around my neck. Something about getting input from my spine, or some mumbo jumbo. Look what it can do.
She picks up a cherry and plops it into her mouth

{'Ahhhh'}

>Guess what else I can do with it? Hey Spike, let's play Rock, Papers, Scissors.

'...no way.'

"Sure..."

>Rock

"Papers"

>"Scissors!"
They both use papers

{'Whoooa.'}

>There's more!

>"Rock, Papers, Scissors!"
Both use Scissors.

{'Whooooa!'}

>"Rock, Papers, Scissors!"
Spike uses rock while DT uses paper.

{'WHOOOOOOOOA!!!'}

'That happened! That really happened!'

{Holy crap. I saw it. I'm having trouble believing it, but I just saw it with my own eye.}

>You want to know the best part?...they come in different colors, so you can get one that matches your coat!

{'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!'}

"I don't get it. They're just hands. Ponies have gotten on just fine without them."

>That's because you actually have them. To us this is huge!

'Do you know what this means?'

{I know exactly what it means...}

>{'We can play Rock, Papers, Scissors!'}

"...Eh, it'll never catch on."

NON CANON
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>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>What are you doing?

"I'm trying on your necky things."

>...No, this all makes perfect sense, really. But let's play pretend for a second, why?

"Because I realized that you guys are BRILLIANT."

>Well, I'm never one to turn down a compliment, but I must ask you to be specific.

"This necky thing? Fucking. Brilliant.

>It's called a necklace.

"Baloney it is, it's huge!"

>Necklaces come in more than one size.

"Whatever, it's hugeness is actually why it's brilliant. This is not a necklace, it's a chest guard."

>A what? It's a poor chest guard.

"Oh, on the contrary! While it is bad for regular armor, it does an amazing job of defending that... special little thing?"

>...You lost me.

"Ohhh, come off it. A whole thousand years and nobody ever replaced you? At least give me a little credit."

>Still not following.

"Oh for the love of.... heart protection!"

>...Heart... protection?

"Pfft, whatever, play dumb."

>Thank you, I shall.

"Does this come in black?"

>No.

"Damn! Well, okay, I'll see about custom making one. Good day, Celestia!...HAH! Day... cause you're... yeah."

>...Now all my necky things smell like Changeling.

"HEARD THAT!"

>STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!

"DIDN'T HEAR THAT!"

>...Bitch.
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>Chrysalis
"Various Changelings"
-----

>Hey, scrubs, check this out!

"Hey, Queen!"

"Sup, Queen?"

"Eh, y'all, queen in the duh hizz-ouse!"

"Hail it!"

"Hailing!"

>...did you all really have to do that?

"Well, why not?"

"You stopping by is something to be celebrated!"

"Yaaay!"

>You sarcastic asses.

"No, really! I mean, why else would we be so excited?"

"Surely not cuzza that gaudy necky thing you're wearing that you pinched off Celestia!"

>IT PROTECTS MY HEART YOU JERKS!

"From what, though?

>From... I dunno, from you?

"...right."

"Because one of us is sooooo plotting to take your spot."

>Well... one day you might!

"Fat chance. I get tired just looking at all the stuff you do, my queen. No way in hell do I want your seat."

"Amen, brother."

"...I'm a female."

"Oh, sorry. Amen female brother."

"..."

>Oh to hell with you all, I'm sure Shiny will think this is cool.

"And she's leaving guys! Bye, Queen!"

"Take care, Queen!"

"Don't be a stranger now!"

"Enjoy your totally cool necky thing!"

>You dicks....

"Ahem!"

>...and bitch.

"Thank you!"
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>SA
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
~2~
-Celestia-
#42#
[18]
{Sombra}
~~~~

>Calm down, please?

"Sweetie, we just don't want you to risk anything."

>I'm just getting back on my hooves. I'm fine, really. The doctors did a great job, you did a great job, honey, you also did a great job, Celestia, YOU also did a great job, Two, and... well, uh...

'...Yeeees?'

>...Great moral support?

'I'll take it!'

#Be weary, Shining Armor. I've seen over-exertion lead to many a quick death.#

~Does this mean you can play racecarts with me again?~

-No, little one, it is best not to push him. I'm sure Sombra would be more than happy to oblige you.-

{Steering the cart is hard with no limbs, Celestia.}

~He has ta' use his mouth, it's funny.~

#Not so funny when he nearly runs over everything in his path because he can't see.#

[Are you sure about this? I can handle the paperwork.]

>No no, a Prince has to lead his Empire. Gotta get back in the game.

"Shiny, really..."

'Bah, he'll be fine.'

[You just want to drag him into more ridiculous stuff.]

'Guilty.'

-Similarly guilty.-

~Guilty... what? I wanna play with Shiny too!~

>And play we sha-eeeelll...

"'-{[....]}-"'

>Just a little sore, don't be like that.

Tenderly, Two grabs his neck in a hug.

~Ah' wish ya' could fix up fast like us...~

Slowly, his eyes looked around the room. The immortals... those powered by loves magic, who could recover in no time at all... an indestructible wisp... most of them had fought Chitania too, and taken more damage than he did, yet not a scratch on them.

He really was the odd one out.

>...It's okay, Two.

Shakily, he finally rolled off the bed, and stood on unsteady hooves.

He felt magical grips from every angle touch him at that moment, ready and waiting.

>You have to build some things slow... but they're worth that wait.

All together, they left the infirmary. His legs were wobbly, sore, and mostly numb. But he barely felt it.

Surrounded by them? He may as well have been walking on air.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
~~~
>Come on, Chrysalis, it's not what you think.

"you're all sick! Sick, freaks! Like the morlocks!"

>It's just cheese, Chrysalis!

"You're eating the severed and dyed white legs of my people!"

>Cadence, honey, help me out, please.

'I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is a Swiss.'
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~
>Hey, Princess, Ah gotta ask you somethin'

"I'm going to regret this, but what is it?"

>Okay, so roughly twenty five bits is a pound o' gold, right?

"Yeesss?"

>so why's tha exchange rate twenty five bits few half a pound o' iron?

"Ah, this... Let me teach you a valuable lesson in friendship and economics, applejack: The next time you have a skilled alchemist and powerful sorcerer in your court who claim they can make a stone that grants eternal life and infinite gold tell them 'no'."

>So...

"Yes, that's why gold is the standard unit of currency for the whole damn world."

>...

"Not gonna say it?"

>Sounds like ya already learned this lesson.

"Not quite: I blame Starswirl!"
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>32
"Twilight"
'Blueblood'
-Guard-

"32!"

>My but you are excited today...you drank that coffee again, didn't you?

"What? No! But you, you look much better than before!"

>Oh. Right. That...yes, an interesting tale that.

"You found a source of love?"

>18 gave me a kiss out of spite, topped me off quite well...I was wrong, that was quite dull.

"No this is great, if we can just-"

>What? Set up a kissing booth? That was a chance meeting and we both know it. Just a spiteful secondhand helping from Unlimited Love Inc or Corp or whatever he calls it.

"That isn't the attitude to have, 32."

>I will have any attitude I please, Princess, I know well my passing will breed celebration and happiness. Nothing in my life shall become me like leaving it.

"Now that's just-did you just quote MacBray?"

>Mm? Why yes I did, well, paraphrased it at any rate.

32 fishes a small paperback out from under his pillow.

"...I...who gave you that?"

>I got it from little boy blue down the way, he and I have really hit it off. We're nigh inseparable, made up our own language even-

An anguished voice came from one of the neighboring cells.

'He's lying! He wouldn't stop speaking of the mating rituals those horrid little monsters he's allied with undergo until I gave it up!'

>Beeeest friends.

"Actually, 32, that's what I came to talk to you about."

32 blinks, arching his brow.

>The Morlocks? What of them?

"Everything of them, if I'm honest. But let's start where you left off, when you showed up at the Gala, you were their leader according to Sombra, yet after your fight with their chieftain in your memory we saw, you seemed ready to fight with every one of them!"

>Yes and?

"...well...kind of a huge gap, don't you think?"

>Hmm...point. So...let us see, after killing their leader and avenging my fallen comrades, I promptly fell unconscious before the throng, I could hear their hissing abyssal language as I faded in and out. From what I learned later I slept for days or at least what passed for them down there.

"And what was it that saved you from-

>Glasses. You thought I wouldn't notice if you did it mid-sentence, didn't you?

"-oh ha ha. What saved you from, well, being mauled by them all. From 77's accounts they should have torn you apart the second your disguise dropped."

>Ironically the same superstitious nonsense I've endeavored to cure them of. Some ludicrous notion that the position of chieftain could only be passed through single combat, that to do otherwise would bring ruin upon the tribe. Saved my ass, obviously. Initially I was forced up onto the dais, forced to face a gauntlet of challengers, all hungry to devour me and reclaim the position of authority for their race.

"Interesting...that falls in line with quite a few tribal traditions in a variety of cultures."

>I'm going to assume you aren't including the last part. 'Chieftain', ha, in the beginning I was just a prisoner, a gladiator. Unable to see any escape but for the cold embrace of death, just as I do now. I fought, I killed, I challenged them back eventually, roaring for another throat to tear out, another life to extinguish...

"And they kept coming?"

>Yes, again and again, but as it wore on, it began to slow, they began to grow lethargic. The challengers began to seem to be fighting me out of obligation, rather than a sacred duty. It was almost like a dog that had been struck whenever it performed a certain action, eventually they learned they could not defeat me that way.

"And what did you do?"

>I began to let them live. I would beat them soundly, then send them running. Soon after I began walking among them, feared and given a wide berth, but I started to observe exactly what it was I was chieftain of. It was...surreal. They were monsters, creatures out of a nightmare, my own personal nightmare. They had murdered so many of my siblings in those caves, and yet...

"And yet?"

>Groups of friends congregated and spoke in their strange language, joking and talking to one another, mothers cooed songs into the ears of wailing children to banish imaginary dangers whilst fathers kept watch for any real ones. They were beasts, and yet beneath it there was...civilization, yearning to break free. I began to look down upon them from the dais, and think of what I ruled over, what I could rule over. I thought of my race, of its slow decline, of its steady fall into desperate invasion of other lands, and in these creatures I saw them.

"You wanted to make it so they wouldn't end up like your race."

>They would be the epitaph of my race, a sign that we did not just destroy and defile, but could build and foster peace, I knew the work would be hard and taxing, but I undertook it anyway.

"That is fascinating, 32, but what about the-"

-Princess Sparkle! Princess Applejack wishes to speak with you about restarting your research into mass harvesting machines!-

Twilight groans, massaging her head.

"Some ponies just can't take no for an answer...I'll be back."

>I'll be here barring kidnapping or sudden violent murder.

Twilight grumbles and walks off, leaving 32 to read.
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>Batmom
“Dadling”
________

>Stooooooop….

“Stop what, dear?”

>That thiiiing.

“What thing?”

>Nnngh… y-you know the thing, you’re doing the thing right now!

“I’m doing a lot of things right now, love. I’m breathing, talking, living- you’re quite the vague mare today. Unless you get more specific I won’t be able to stop the ‘thing’.”

Glimmer huffed with a heartstoppingly cute pout as she tried to fill out the proper forms for maternity leave.

But the task was proving exceedingly difficult with the amorous Changeling hovering over her, keeping her pinned to the bed as he nibbled hungrily on her ear. She twitched the free one about in an effort to get him to stop but no, he only switched to that one instead.

>Mmmmmn, c’mooooon… I have to get this finished and turned in by the end of the day, honey….

“Then maybe you shouldn't flick your ears, you know I like that.”

>Hey, that’s not my f-ahhn~…it's not my fault! I had an itch!

“And now you got a lot more than that…”

>Nnf…

With only three more lines needed on the first form, Glimmer knew it was time for drastic measures. And so she twitched her tail.

“…”

>Go on, get the tail, boy! Go get it!

And as Dadling led a trail of nibbles down her neck, heading steadily south, Glimmer redoubled her efforts at finishing before she was inevitably snatched away to better things.
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>Chrysallis
"Celestia"
~Prae 1~
-Prae 2-
*Prae 3*

>Okay Oven-legs, about those Supermodelsupersoldiers of yours

"No they will not have you, no they will not listen to you, yes I am perpetually ashamed by them, finished?"

>Pffft? Have them? Me? You musta misheard, the only Gentlemans Sausage I'm after belongs to one Shiny Ding Dong, not even your toned chest-a-trons can divert me from that!

"Oh so that wasn't you begging like a dog when you saw them? My mistake. And don't act like I wanted them back, Applejack made me demonstrate...again..."

>Well I think...knowing you...how to make 'em come at will, wanna see?

"No please really NO ONE wants to see-"

>SUNNY NEEDS SOME D!

[AYYYAAAYAAAIII!]

-~*POSE!*~-

~My Princess! I Quuuuiverrr with antici...~

>...
"..."

~Pation! Oh...it's you again... why not leave this place be and take your....oysters of death elsewhere?~

*Mmhhmmm, you're no good to us...I'd say you're rather brittle, even*

-All those holes, and not one willing Stallion in sight, Oh do mind my tail...Celly, it does flicker just like you want it too-

>Oh yes, do flick it at her, awwww, you're making her blush.

"Shut it! I err.....not right now..fellas...maybe later?"

>Later as in, important dignitaries? A princess meeting? Right when you're nice and tucked up in bed?

*Ooh hoo, I do like beds*

"Chryssy how did you know how to get them here-"

>I JUST GUESSED! And just look how right I am! And I know the kinda things a desperate young Princess would say when she needed to scratch an itch

~Uh, I feel turgid in this creature's boasting, oh My Radiant one, shall we depart to more pleasant climes?~

"NO! *So commanding...* And stop that snickering Chyrssy!"

>I can't! It's...it's just too perfect eehhHAHAHAHHA

-I cannot stand this beasts guffawing, I can't take anymore of this ugliness! Thine plot calleth! Let us have at thee CelestiaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa-...... ting

>Ahawait what?

"Uhmm, I think Mother is..."

~BROTHER? WHERE ART THOU OH TONED ONE? Did any of you see thaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa~.....ting

*No! Not again not agaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa*....ting

The two watched the Praetorians tumble into the blue sky, disappearing one by one

>Were those.. high velocity...bars of soap I briefly saw back there?

"You didn't see anything"

>Is this why it never worked? Really? Cos your Mom kept throwing away your toys?

"You saw nothing"

>Oh man, I thought MY Mom was rough, but this just takes the cake

"Say nothing of this"

>Nope, this one's gonna be everywhere before you know it, Toodles!

"COME BACK! STOP!......Damn...why mother? Why?"

Thweeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-thunk

[Because you're not old enough]

"Lies!"

NON CANON
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T'was a starry night unlike any other.

And lo, did the beast of chitin and love trudge his way through his apartment so dank and disheveled. Though he was the very spirit of cleanliness personified, his love of organization and order was unshared amidst his frequent guests, and unseemly fellow occupant.

But the piles of scraps and refuse were not enough to stop him, nay, his travel would beget him comfort and cleanliness at it's long last destination. Surely, it would all be worth it.

Hark! The water so warm and tempting! It already flowed! Who dared to steal his slightest of joys in this darkest of night? Who dared to sling in like the arrow to pierce his heart? The fools would find themselves dead, he swore! Be they magician, shaman or politician! None deserved this but himself! None had toiled as much, suffered as much, had their happiness stolen as much!

The glass upon his hoof felt as if it sang to him! Defeat them, it cried! Tear them from you home, it screamed! Rent them from your very sight, it bellowed! And he shall, he silently declared back! He shall!

With poise, power and ferocity, the shielding of fogged glass that lead to his shower slid aside, at last allowing him to see beyond, to the occupant that-

"...I have no idea how I got here either."

Mere instinct drove him as the glass slid shut, though he knew in his orphan fueled heart of hearts that it would be as if he had held up paper before a storm. The one that smashed Canterlot to rubble would not be deterred by mere glass and fear!

And yet... it had strangely gone silent. Not even the pitter patter of water upon chitin. Tentatively, cautiously, with words of surrender and begging upon his tongue, he slid the glass to the side again.

And found nothing but pouring water that grew colder with every moment, and steam upon the air.

Was it a hallucination? Was it madness? He would never know. The only evidence was the cold water before him... and the fear in his heart.
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>Applejack
"Twilight"
'Zecora'
~~~
>Right, sorry, girls, this project's gettin' shut down.

"Awww..."

'We only needed a little more time! Who is responsible for this crime?'

>Zecora, Twiligh', honestly look me in tha eye an' tell me you two really thought bein' able to make as much gold, somethin' we got plenty o' already, was a good idea wit' tha gold economy already in tha shitter.

"Nnnnnnnnnggggggg.... No..."

And the lesson today kids is: Mo' money, mo' problems.
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>SA
"Pinkie"
~~~~~~

"HIYA!"

>GAH!

"Hey, wait a minute, why is your name first? I talked first!"

>...What?

"Nevermind. I just wanted to throw you a 'YOU'RE OUT OF THE HOSPITAL!' party! YAAAAAY! Feels like you've been in there a week!"

>Several weeks, actually.

"Time is a funny thing, Shinybobiny."

>I... guess?

"OOOH! Here you go! I've got you a whole basket of party stuff!"

>Oh? Wow, uh, thank you. Nice to be appreciated. Where... is it?

"Right there!"

>...Behind the tanker?

"OH! That's what you called it. Tanker. Not basket, tanker."

>Those seem like things you shouldn't mix up.

"But they both are made to explode!"

>What? No they're not. Neither of them are made to explode.

"OH YEAH! WELL, HERE'S MY PRO-"

>I have written statements from a very large assortment of powerful mares that if you put me back in the hospital they will make you hurt.

"...Take a couple steps back... little more... liiiiiiiitttlle more... You know what? When's the next train out of the Empire?"

>Ten minutes ago.

"See? Time is a funny thing, Shiny."

>...You keep hovering over that button.

"Eh, don't worry, we'll cut to black before it goes off, and you'll be fine by next time."

>That doesn't sound right-

"TOO LATE!"
~~~~~

"..OH SHIT CUT AWAY CUT AWAY!"

>MY SKIIIIINNNNN!

"CUT DAMN IT CUUUUUUUUU
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>SA
"Spike"
~~~~~

>SURPRISE HUG!

"ACK! What the hell, Shiny!?"

>Ooooh ho, don't think I'm giving up on that little promise I made yet, Spikey! I said I'm going to make sure you don't go bonkers again, and I'm going to do that.

"In that case, this whole hug thing seems counterproductive."

>No subject changing. Listen, I know you were feeling a little inadequate to stop Chitania's rampage-

"Working that out on my own, thank you."

>-but I wanted to remind you that while we love that you want to help with the various threats of the world, if we had to choose we'd rather have you around afterwards to help put it back together. So don't do stuff that's going to make it so you're not around by then, please?

"I got it."

>Ahhh, that's my dragon bro. Come on! Let's go do some non-exerting gaming. My deck is going to rock you like a hurricane!

"Aaahhh, fine. I could use a break."

>That's the spirit-EEEEEEnnnmmmm... please watch the poking.

"Just checking to see how hurt you still are."

>Not enough that I can't beat you blue in a card game!

"...Hey, Shiny?"

>Yep?

"Practice what you preach, okay? Lot'sa ponies and changelings want you around after the fact too... and one dragon, of course."

>Of course. IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-OW!

"Posing bad?"

>Posing bad.
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