Thread 64: Stories 61-72

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I'm going check how's my Pink Pony Club doing!
Applause

'Stop inviting me to your stupid club! I'm busy!'

>Just relax and have fun fun fun.

"I'm depressed about my self-worth."

'I'm angry.'

>and I'm part of a council of ponies that haven't shown to have fixed anything in a while.

'That's part of the reason why I'm angry.'

>Oh...well that's our show! Enjoy your night everypony!

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 >42
"Spitfire"
~~~~

>That bad?

*Click*

"..."

>...

"...Really? Not gonna go 'put the gun down, you have so much to live for!'?"

>We Applejack's are known for our honesty.

"One, ouch. Two, I thought your name was Forty Two?"

>It is. Applejack Forty Two.

"...Why the Applejack part?"

>Applejack is my real name, this is just so you can tell between me and the other Applejacks.

"Are they all named Applejack!?"

>No, don't be silly.

"PHEW!"

>...Seventy Seven, Thirty Two, Eighty Eight annnnnd.... I think PJ? Jugglejack's an odd case, he's got a real name but nobody calls him by it. And I think Dadling picked a stupid long name when Applejack asked him and stuck with it, but nobody knows what it is.

"...Why."

>At least we have names now, it used to be 'you'.

"You for who?"

>Exactly.

"...This is just making me want to shoot myself more."

>Go for it.

"...You are MEAN, you know that?"

>What are you talking about? I am as cuddly as a bunny and as loving as a gentle summer breeze.

"..."

>...I am also terrible at jokes...

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NC
>Chitania
„Chrysalis“
~~~~~~

>Soooomooooneee's pretty daaaaamn aaaaangry!

„...don't you start.“

>Oooooh, I bet you are so pissed, you just wanna rage, and stomp and smash and-and, mmmmh.

„What... what are you doing?“

>Ooooh, yeeees, and then you will s-smash someone's face in, uuhn, and-and, aaah, breaking b-buildings with you b-bare hooves and, gasp, s-smash the very foundations of HEAVEN! AAAAH!

„...“

Chitania pants for a few seconds, then stomps over and pecks her niece on the cheek with the cutest little blush on her cheeks.

>Huff... huff... Thanks for the good time. Have fun rampaging!

Chitania leaves, a bounce in her step and a wag to her titanic ass, a wide-eyed, lightly spasming Chrysalis left in her wake.

„Hivemind, take me now. I am ready.”

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NC
>Sunset
„Twilight“
~~~~~~

>TWILIGHT, WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?

„HALL CLOSET!“

>OK, COOL.

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NC
>AJ
„Sunset“
~~~~~~

>Rassafrassafrigginchangelinbugmonsterstryintaoutsmartmemrmblgrmbl

„Speaking of Changelings, who wants to talk about Changeling Queens!?“

>What're you on about, Shimmer?

„Don'ttellanyoneIsaidthis buuuuuut apparently Changelings ascend from normal to Queen by ripping out and eating the heart of their predecessor.“

>Huh?!

„Yeah. I am currently researching how t-URGH!

Twilight comes flying out of nowhere, giving Sunset a swift buck to the head with her hindlegs, then drags her unconscious form out of the room without a word.

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OMAKE!
>Chrysalis
"Chitania"
'???'
~~~

>...Fucking hallucinations.

"Chryyyyysalisssss.... you're all gonna dieeeeeeeeeee..."

>You notice nobody ever hallucinates something useful? Or cool? It's always boo hoo hoo it's so bad and dour and mysterious.

"Alll will be looooooossstttt."

>...You know what? Screw this.

"Chryyyy- wait, what the fuck?"

*WICKED GUITAR RIFF!*

'Chrysalis! At last I've found you! Join me, SEXY SHINY, atop this giant dragon made of FIRE so that he may use his twin chainsaws tipped with diamond blades and shotguns to take on the forces of emo! And together, we shall have really great sex.'

>NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

"You have issues."

>BITE ME!

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NC
>Applejack
"Twilight"
'???'
~~~

>...Hope Bug-bitch ain't takin' me shootin' her down too hard.

"Uh..."

'AHHAHHAHAH! YES, SEXY SHINY! LET US BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND!'

>...

"..."

>...Huh. She's actin' pretty normal, actually. Neat.

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Omake? Omake.
>Spitfire
"Dash"
'Fleetfoot'
~~~~~~

>Kinda depressing the Wonderbolts are reduced to just 2 members and a bunch of aimless kids.

"Tell me about it. It sucks that they made you leave."

>To be honest, I was getting tired of dressing up in a maid outfit for fanservice's sake.

"Awww, it wasn't THAT bad."

>...

"I mean, you looked sweet in it. You're normally portrayed as such a tomboy."

>That, coming from you. Wow, way to call the kettle black, Miss Pot.

'Oh, did someone say pot? We going back to old-school Wonderbolts?'

>Aaaand I'm outta here.

"...haaah... I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave."

'Hey, did I tell you about that time I hit my pipe up in Canterlot and saw this huuuuge fucking Cloud dinosaur? Maaaaan, she even talked to me. That was some crazy shit.'

"I can see why she did, though."

'Wanna have a drag?'

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NCOmake!
>Original Breakfast Chronicles crew
"Canterlot Breakfast Chronicles crew"
~~~~~~

>You stole our gig!

"If you would actually manage to EAT something for once, maybe we wouldn't have to!"

>Those are fighting words!

"BRING IT ON!"

>CONSIDER IT BROUGHT!

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NC
>DT
"SS"
'Guards'
~~~

"Why do they listen to you anyway?"

>...I've accomplished more and been in more battles than they have? This isn't complicated.

"Just saying. You're, like, tiny."

>FUCK YOU MY ROCKET IS HUGE!

"Okay, is he your fetish or your stand in for a dick, you flip flop on that a lot."

>YES!

"..."

>...From the top!

'HEY! HEY! HEY HEY HEY! MACHO MACHO STAAAALLLLION!'

"What's with the showtunes?"

>... I like showtunes....

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NCOMAKE!
>SA
"Cadence"
~~~

>...

"...What?"

>Are... are you doing the paperwork?

"Hm? Oh! Yeah! I think I'm getting the hang of it, I've gotten so much done already! Maybe it won't be too long before I'm up to you and Eighteen!"

>...

"...S-Shiny, why are you looking at me like that-"

>I want you.

"...W... what?"

>I. Want. You. Right. Now.

"...O-oh my."

>Ahem... CITIZENS AND NON-DESCRIPT INDIVIDUALS IN THE CASTLE!... NO CALLS!

"EEP!"

*TACKLE!*

"...Oh myyyyyy~!"

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Non-Canon Pinkie Preview

>Pinkie
~~~~~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMMfep_ZsXs
>After propositions to replace the guards with robots or changelings, Pommel has been given a month to reform the guards.
>Rarity brings up the state of Equestria's economy. Dragon gang wars worsen. Pennydrop gets irate at Coltsly's failure. Spike helps with the recruitment of the guards. Former guards like Actarius's mom returns from retirement. Granny Smith enlists! Find out what happens next time in thread 65: I Used to Go On Adventures...and of course Propaganda Fanservice!

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