Balls Out (2014) EN

1
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,284
You ready?

2
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,153
Let's go.

3
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,558
<i>And, this is it.</i>

4
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,361
<i>Months of intense competition,
blood, sweat and tears,</i>

5
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,597
<i>all boil down to
one final game.</i>

6
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,034
<i>The Panthers have had
an unbelievable season.</i>

7
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:47,072
<i>But they'll need to</i>
<i>pull out all the stops</i>
<i>to conquer the Titans tonight.</i>

8
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:57,916
<i>Intramural sports don't get
much more exciting than this.</i>

9
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,429
Hi, I'm Bill Costas,

10
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:14,433
here, with my color commentary
counter-cultural counterpart,
Dan Albert.

11
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,502
We are here,
at the IM championships.

12
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,237
Dan, what do you think
about tonight's match-up?

13
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,905
It's gonna be a doozy, Bill.

14
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,107
The Panthers,
led by Caleb Fuller

15
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,243
and his best bud,
Grant Rosenfalis,

16
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,577
have had a Cinderella season,

17
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,980
coming out of nowhere to
become a top competitor.

18
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,414
And we see them
warming up right now

19
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,749
with some
callisthenic chugging.

20
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,252
Ah, the joys of
having a baby bladder
and a young liver.

21
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,021
Absolutely.
But, I wouldn't count out
Dick Downs and his Titans.

22
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,290
They have been
literally unstoppable

23
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,025
all season long.
Killing it.

24
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,928
Yes, and the smell
of sexual and
emotional repression

25
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,863
is literally wafting
from the Titan's sidelines.

26
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,432
Butt kicks! I want
those heels in your ass!

27
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,103
Hey. Good luck.

28
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,272
God!

29
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,174
I don't know who you
think you are, Fuller.

30
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,142
This is football,
not a goof-off game

31
00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:59,044
of butt-chugging
with the bros.

32
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,212
You guys do that?

33
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,047
Of course, I butt-chug.
Everybody butt-chugs.

34
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,650
What are you talking about?
It gets you drunk quicker.

35
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,018
And when would
you be doing this?

36
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,020
At a party,
in a room with
your buddies.

37
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,521
I don't know any
person who does that...

38
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,723
Stop talking
about butt-chugging!
This is football.

39
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,593
Relax, man.
It's just intramurals.

40
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:17,563
Heads.

41
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:21,133
I'm gonna kill you.

42
00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:22,815
What?
Mount.

43
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,005
Bye.

44
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,407
And that...
And that's the note
you wanna leave on?

45
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,118
Got it!

46
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,256
It's do or die, Bill,

47
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,191
and with just
three seconds
left on the clock,

48
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:22,027
the Panthers will
try for one more play
to pull out a miracle.

49
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,695
This is it, cum junkies.

50
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:27,733
Do not mess up
or I will smash your
faces in with bricks.

51
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,034
I will go after...

52
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,569
Look, here's what
we're gonna do.

53
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,070
We're gonna run
the triple-Z, okay?

54
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,072
Vinnie, you're
gonna give me the pitch.
Cool.

55
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,575
Chance, I need a lot of
coverage from you, okay?
Yes, sir.

56
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,310
Grant,
you're getting the pass.

57
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,746
You give me the ingredients,
I'll cook the soup.

58
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,881
Okay. Ready?
One, two, three.

59
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,316
Z!
Z!

60
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,395
Butt-chuggers!

61
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,929
Watch 42. Watch 42.

62
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,598
You're mine,
turd biscuit.

63
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,666
Bogey, 20.

64
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,001
Eye of the tiger, men,
thrill of the fight.

65
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,803
Randy, read your keys.

66
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,471
Set. Hut!

67
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:48,280
Touchdown, Panthers.
Wow, Rosenfalis
held onto it!

68
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:49,548
What a play!

69
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:51,483
Yeah!

70
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:55,053
Hold on.
Something's wrong, Bill.

71
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:58,457
Rosenfalis is not moving.
He could be hurt.

72
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,758
You hate to see this, Dan.

73
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,361
Grant. Are you okay?

74
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:05,764
I can't feel

75
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:07,933
my penis.

76
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:12,404
Somebody call a doctor!
What about your legs?

77
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:16,007
Who cares? I can't
feel my balls. My boys.

78
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,369
Get out of my way,
I'm a doctor.
I can't feel either of them.

79
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,645
I'm a doctor.
All right.

80
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:25,217
Now, son, tell me,
can you feel this?

81
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,820
No. No.

82
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,722
I can't feel anything.

83
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,958
I'm sorry, he's been paralyzed
from the balls down.

84
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:34,993
Sorry for your loss.

85
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,397
Oh, God! What?
He's just leaving?

86
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,698
All right, okay.
Oh, God.

87
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,566
Stay with me, okay?

88
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,402
Caleb, it's more
than just intramurals.

89
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:46,104
It's more than a game.

90
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,607
Promise me you
won't give up.

91
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,075
What?
Promise me!

92
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,410
I promise.

93
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,677
Promise me.

94
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:53,879
I just did.
No, I promise.

95
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,747
Promise me...

96
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:47,199
Here you go, fellas.

97
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,583
Hey, Hank.

98
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,986
Me and some of the guys
are playing football
in a minute. You down?

99
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,087
Yeah, I can't.

100
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:13,425
Look, I can't actually play
if I don't bring someone else.
They won't let me.

101
00:08:13,427 --> 00:08:15,760
And please don't make me go
to Home Depot and get
another day laborer.

102
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:19,331
Last time I did that,
Enrique broke his ankle
and then he got deported.

103
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:23,602
Well, I'm really sorry
to hear about Enrique,
but I gotta study.

104
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,037
We're seniors, dude.
What do you
have to study for?

105
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,941
We are fifth-year seniors.
And I gotta
study for the LSAT.

106
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,776
Dude, I didn't know
you wanted to
be a urologist.

107
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,279
Lawyer.
I wanna be a lawyer.

108
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,947
Wait. Did that she-demon
put you up to this?

109
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,182
Her name is Vicky.

110
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,217
She's terrible.
Break up with her.

111
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,119
Come on,
she's nice to me, man.

112
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,220
She's got that look, man.

113
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,288
What look?

114
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,450
That look...

115
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,894
Like she wants to
nail gun your nutsack

116
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,462
to a concrete wall
of commitment.

117
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:52,797
And you know,
one night,
you weren't here,

118
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:55,467
but she spent an hour
describing her glitter art

119
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,702
and how it was
inspired by 9/11.

120
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:01,172
Okay.
You know what, go play your little game.

121
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,241
Okay, I'm just gonna
have to pretend

122
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,077
that you didn't
just call football,

123
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,847
the sport that
built this nation,
a little game.

124
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,382
And I will pretend
that I didn't find a copy

125
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,816
of <i> Sisterhood of</i>
<i>the Traveling Pants</i>

126
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,718
in your <i> Road House</i> DVD case.

127
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:17,355
You have
the upper hand this time.

128
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,658
Gotta get to Home Depot.

129
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:27,032
West's Business Law.
You and me, forever.

130
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,333
The bitch is here.

131
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,601
Okay, Hank.

132
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,906
Hi!

133
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,243
Guess what I got for
<i>Dancing with the Stars</i>
tonight?

134
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,578
Um...

135
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:43,281
Peppermint Schnapps,
cottage cheese,
algae balls.

136
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:44,950
Uh...

137
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,385
Okay. Cool.

138
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,020
What, are you
not gonna watch?

139
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,423
No, I'm just,
well, studying.

140
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:52,891
You know, take the LSAT.

141
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:55,093
Oh, my God.
I'm so proud of you

142
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,228
for finally committing
to it. Good job.

143
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,698
Yeah, gotta...

144
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,701
Oh, thanks.
Gotta have a career,
you know.

145
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,102
Speaking of which,

146
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:09,140
Father is throwing
me a birthday party
at the club tomorrow night.

147
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,776
I thought he was
still in New York working.

148
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,145
No, no. He got
the microwave company off.

149
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,315
They don't owe
the children's
shelter anything.

150
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,484
Wow.

151
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,052
Uh, can't wait
to meet him.

152
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:24,489
You know, if it goes well,

153
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,558
I think that, probably,
he could put in

154
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,460
a good word
for you at Harvard.

155
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,929
Harvard?
Harvard.

156
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:34,466
Wouldn't you want
to spend a few years
with me in Cambridge?

157
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:38,937
That... That is an option,
isn't it, huh? Maybe?

158
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,605
Yeah.

159
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,741
You're such
a good boyfriend.

160
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:43,808
Oh. Oh.

161
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,243
If you wanna
take a study break,

162
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:48,313
I TiVoed the new
gynecology reality show,
<i>Lip Service.</i>

163
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:50,315
Wow.

164
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,984
Fascinating stuff.

165
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:59,491
Wow, I did not know
it would be this...

166
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,694
<i>Elegant.</i>
I know, I'm dying.

167
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,429
Daddy! That's Daddy.

168
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,632
Daddy. Thank you for my party.

169
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,668
Oh, my pleasure, honey.

170
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,938
Oh, and this must be
the Callum I've been
hearing so much about.

171
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:17,475
Caleb, sir.
Yep, but it is a pleasure
to be meeting you.

172
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:21,479
I'm gonna BRB.
Uh, just network
or do whatever. Okay.

173
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,052
So, I hear you
wanna be a lawyer.

174
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:30,021
Well, I'm gonna
shoot straight
with you, Callum,

175
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,489
because I am
a straight shooter.

176
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,058
Now, Vicky tells me
you're a bright kid,

177
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,127
but we turn away
a lot of bright kids
at my firm.

178
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:39,664
We interviewed this
Eagle Scout last week.

179
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,167
Beat cancer when he was 15.

180
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,736
Started a non-profit
for cancer patients

181
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,005
and raised over $6 million.

182
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,374
Then went to Harvard
and scored a perfect GPA.

183
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:53,945
We didn't give him an offer.
You wanna know why?

184
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,513
Uh, why?

185
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,016
He was ugly.
A really face-melter.

186
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,651
I mean, I get sick
thinking about him.

187
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:03,655
But you,
you're a good-looking kid.

188
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:06,558
Bet I could bounce
a bouillon cube off your butt.

189
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:08,560
Um, thank you.

190
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:14,165
So, you get a 178
on your LSAT and maintain
at least a 3.8 GPA,

191
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:18,670
then, in three years,
you can work for me.
Starting salary is $180K.

192
00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,038
Whoa. Heh heh.

193
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,339
You look overwhelmed.

194
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:25,076
Uh, no. No, sir.
Just, lot of ifs.

195
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:29,380
So, buckle down.
Your job now is to make
sure your future is set.

196
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,683
Well,
that shouldn't be too hard.

197
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:35,386
<i>Thank you, everyone,
for coming to my party.</i>

198
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:39,190
<i>Daddy, I know this is only
the fourth birthday of mine</i>

199
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,092
<i>that you've been able
to physically attend,</i>

200
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,927
<i>but I'm sure it's
gonna be a special one.</i>

201
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,095
Love you, honey.

202
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,297
<i>And I love you. Um...</i>

203
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,700
<i>Okay. Speaking of special,</i>

204
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:52,670
<i>there's also</i>
<i>a new man in my life</i>
<i>who's pretty special himself.</i>

205
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:54,939
<i>Um...</i>

206
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,442
Uh, Vicky,
we don't need to...

207
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,144
<i>Okay.</i>

208
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,213
<i>Caleb,</i>

209
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,049
<i>the last
five-and-a-half months</i>

210
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,118
<i>of our courtship
have been magical,</i>

211
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,722
<i>and you're</i>
<i>clearly taking steps</i>
<i>to ensure our future</i>

212
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:15,293
<i>and so, today on my birthday,
this day of days,</i>

213
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:21,966
<i>will you bestow upon me</i>
<i>the greatest gift</i>
<i>that can be bestowed</i>

214
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:24,836
<i>upon a woman, and that is,</i>

215
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,139
Caleb Fuller,
will you marry me?

216
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:39,918
<i>Caleb.</i>

217
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,021
<i>Cold concrete
wall of commitment.</i>

218
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:47,325
Caleb?

219
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,594
Caleb?
Yeah?

220
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,662
He said yes!

221
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,331
Uh...

222
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,971
Smart choice, kid.
You got a bright
future ahead of you.

223
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,222
Heads up!

224
00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:19,257
Hey, sorry, man...

225
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,560
Vinnie?
Caleb?

226
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,196
Yo!
Ho ho! What's up?

227
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,798
How you been?
It's been ages.

228
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,167
Yeah, yeah, like four years.
How are you?

229
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,536
I'm great, man, I'm great.
Never been better.

230
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,004
Cool.
You about to graduate?

231
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,240
Yeah. From college.

232
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,641
Right. Yep.

233
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,176
What about you?
How you been?

234
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,145
I'm good, I'm good.
Just, you know,
studying for the LSAT.

235
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,380
Gynecologist, nice.

236
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,482
Lawyer.

237
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,085
Wait a second.
I see you've been moonlighting
as a jewel thief.

238
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,354
Oh, yeah. Got engaged.

239
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,189
What?
Yeah.

240
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,390
Congratulations.

241
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,193
Yep.

242
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,061
So, I see you're
still throwing.

243
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,365
Ah, well, yeah,
I just throw the ball around
sometimes, you know.

244
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,607
Cool, man, cool.
Who you throwing with?

245
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:03,735
Nobody.

246
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,069
Yeah.

247
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,172
What?

248
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,441
Yeah. Nobody.

249
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,176
I just try to hit people,
you know,

250
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,845
and just pretend
it was an accident.

251
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:15,413
It's good, clean fun.

252
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,948
Good, clean fun.

253
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,918
Watch, watch, watch.
You see this guy?
Look at that asshole.

254
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,152
Ready?

255
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:26,925
Aim's a little off,

256
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,460
but still got
a hell of an arm.
Thanks, bro.

257
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,698
Anyway, you wanna go
throw a little bit?
Or, catch up or something?

258
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,934
Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

259
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,416
I know a better place, though.
Yeah, sweet.

260
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,204
Yo, a little ball help.

261
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,978
Yes! Nailed it!

262
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:49,781
Look at him.

263
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,216
Who did this?

264
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,818
Vinnie, when you said
you knew somewhere
better to throw,

265
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,321
I thought you meant,
you know, where we could...

266
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,989
Together.
Yeah.

267
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,425
Got it. Right. Right, right.
Yeah, yeah, let's go.

268
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,127
Ball help.

269
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,831
Yeah, so,
after the team broke up
freshmen year,

270
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,566
I started quarterbacking
for the Penguins,

271
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,436
but they gave me the boot
after we lost six in a row.

272
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,137
Ooh.
You still play?

273
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:14,639
No.

274
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,475
No, I kind of lost
interest after the...

275
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,643
Yeah.

276
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,244
Plus, school's intense.

277
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,779
I understand, man,
I understand.

278
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,581
You gotta get
serious about life
sometime, right?

279
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,083
Yeah.

280
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,918
You keep in contact
with any of the guys
from the old team?

281
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,686
No.

282
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:33,424
Although, I do think
I saw Grant get maced
on an episode of <i> Cops</i> once.

283
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,826
Oh, do you remember
that time

284
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,694
that Grant pissed in
George's water bottle

285
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,162
and he told him
it was Gatorade?

286
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,031
Yeah.

287
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,366
No, no, no.
You remember the time

288
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,633
that we pissed in
Jimmy's chicken soup,

289
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,968
and we told him it
was chicken broth?

290
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,938
Yes. Yes,
the look on his face, man.

291
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:51,876
Awesome.

292
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:55,546
Oh, man. Pissed on
a lot of stuff back then.

293
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,516
Best year of college.

294
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,351
Best year of my life, man.

295
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:08,359
Hey, this might sound crazy,

296
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,255
but what do you think
about getting the old team
back together?

297
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,701
Oh, my goodness.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?

298
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,336
Ooh.

299
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,171
She's not moving.
She's not moving.

300
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,040
We should relocate.

301
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,977
She's not moving!

302
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:28,379
Were you serious back there?
About getting
the old team back together?

303
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,914
Uh, yeah, let's do it.

304
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,315
What about Grant?

305
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,717
I got just the guy.

306
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:35,420
So you guys went to
the intramural championship

307
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,821
your freshmen year?

308
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,156
Yeah.

309
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,490
What happened?

310
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,559
We won.
On the last play.

311
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:42,927
Wow.

312
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,162
Okay.

313
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,064
And now you wanna get
the band back together.

314
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:49,033
The big issue is that
we lost all contact
with the guys.

315
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,002
I mean,
I haven't seen Vinnie
since freshmen year.

316
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,670
No, we don't know
where anybody lives

317
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,338
or even if they're
still in school, so...

318
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,873
But you remember
their names, right?

319
00:17:55,875 --> 00:18:01,045
Because the university
website gives you
current contact info

320
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,614
for all registered students.

321
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,050
That's how I stalk
all the hot freshmen girls.

322
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:08,953
A little knock, knock,
"Welcome to class,"

323
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,388
tap that ass.

324
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,789
Nice.

325
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:16,194
So, are you guys thinking
what I'm thinking?

326
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,030
Yeah, that we should use
the university's website

327
00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:21,799
to get all the current
contact information
for all the guys.

328
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:26,104
And attempt to
convince them to join
the intramural football team.

329
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,707
Dude, you're not
supposed to answer
a rhetorical question.

330
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:36,647
So, are you guys thinking
what I'm thinking.

331
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,556
<i>Jimmy Harris.
Calm yet intense.</i>

332
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,025
<i>Perfect under pressure
and a real-life cowboy.</i>

333
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:50,561
Look out!

334
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,830
Dude, what's he doing?
That horse is gonna kill him.

335
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,732
She's out of control.

336
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,234
Buttercup.

337
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:15,987
Wow.

338
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:22,326
<i>Good utility player</i>
<i>and an amazing</i>
<i>student of the game.</i>

339
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:27,131
Oh, forgive the mess.
I'm working on my thesis.

340
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,599
What is it?

341
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,436
I'm currently trying to find
the number in
between three and four.

342
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,438
Between three and four?
Yes.

343
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,641
Haven't you just
ever had a gut feeling

344
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,677
that there was a number
right in between
three and four?

345
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,612
You mean, like Pi?
No!

346
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,514
Not like Pi.

347
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:44,949
Okay.

348
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:50,621
<i>Chance Gilman.
The lone wolf wide receiver.</i>

349
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,958
<i>We called him Magic Man</i>
<i>because he could</i>
<i>make magic on the field</i>

350
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,127
<i>and he was a bit of
an amateur magician.</i>

351
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:59,230
Now tell me.
Is this your card?

352
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,032
How in the hell
did you do that?

353
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,367
That's called
street magic, Rafa.

354
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,069
You wouldn't <i> comprende.</i>

355
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,073
I'll show you street magic.

356
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,876
Go on. Go ahead.
Show me your magic.

357
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,144
Show me your magic!

358
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:15,079
Put the knife down, man.
Put the knife down.

359
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,214
What knife?

360
00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:19,483
This white boy's crazy!

361
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,553
And that's how you do
magic in the streets.

362
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,891
<i>What about Grant?</i>

363
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,261
<i>Leave that to me.</i>

364
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,836
Hey, Grant.

365
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,274
It's me, Caleb.

366
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,009
I brought you
the <i> Rocky</i> Criterion Collection

367
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,844
on laser disc, man.

368
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,581
Purest of formats,
like you always said.

369
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:56,254
Look, man,
I'm getting the old
team back together.

370
00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:58,756
Can't do it without you.

371
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,693
Why don't you
check the cemetery?

372
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:08,032
Grant Rosenfalis
has been dead for
the last four years.

373
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,769
Leave a message
after the beep.

374
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:13,738
Beep!

375
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,072
I just wanna talk to you, bud.

376
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:18,409
Beep...

377
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:19,744
All right.

378
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,579
Well...

379
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,781
It's out here
if you want it.

380
00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:29,120
You took a breath in the beep.
I know it's your voice.

381
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,921
If you'd like
to make a call,

382
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:34,492
please hang up
and go blow yourself.

383
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:37,295
<i>If these guys</i>
<i>are anything like</i>
<i>they were four years ago,</i>

384
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:40,464
<i>they'll be chomping at the bit
to get the team back together.</i>

385
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,900
...he's having a hard time!

386
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:47,738
What makes you think after
four years, we should put
this team back together?

387
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:50,241
Come on. You remember
all the fun times we had.

388
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,576
Georgie, the night
that we whizzed on you
when you were sleeping?

389
00:21:52,578 --> 00:21:53,944
You guys pissed on me
while I was asleep?

390
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,279
Yeah.

391
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:57,415
You don't do that
to a friend, guys.

392
00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,184
I never understood
what was so cool about
pissing on everything.

393
00:22:00,186 --> 00:22:03,421
Look, we were all
a bunch of stupid punks
back then.

394
00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,956
It was fun,
but we're grown-ups now.

395
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,060
Caleb. I got dresses. Ah!

396
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,364
And you're having a party.

397
00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:16,100
Hey, babe.
Just hanging with the boys.

398
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:19,003
Could I talk to you outside?

399
00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:20,604
Am I on crack,

400
00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:23,007
or are we supposed to be
planning our nuptials?

401
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,108
Uh, yeah. No...

402
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:25,343
How are we supposed to decide

403
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:27,044
what flavor of
edible tanning solution

404
00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:28,646
your groomsmaids are gonna wear

405
00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:31,782
if you're hosting
a seance of freaks?

406
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,784
It's football.

407
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,555
Babe, I need this.

408
00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,323
You need?
What do you mean, you need?

409
00:22:39,325 --> 00:22:40,991
You don't need it.
What do you mean?

410
00:22:40,993 --> 00:22:42,126
No, like...

411
00:22:42,128 --> 00:22:44,628
Do you understand
the pressure that I am under?

412
00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:46,731
What's all this?
What's going on?
This goddamn wedding. I'm...

413
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:48,065
Why are you shaking?
There's just too much to do

414
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:49,166
and it's making me...

415
00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:50,301
I can't stop shaking.

416
00:22:50,303 --> 00:22:52,636
You're just moving
your hands, honey.
Come on.

417
00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:54,538
I can't stop.

418
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:57,308
Babe, I need a release.

419
00:22:57,310 --> 00:22:58,476
You know...
From the studying...

420
00:22:58,478 --> 00:22:59,643
Okay.

421
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:01,979
And then you and me
on the same page again.

422
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,547
Yeah? Okay.
Okay.

423
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:06,417
But do you promise it won't
get in the way of us, please?

424
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:08,519
Yes. Yes, I do. I do.

425
00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:10,354
Oh!

426
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:11,922
You better get
used to saying that.

427
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:13,324
Braid my hair.

428
00:23:13,326 --> 00:23:15,092
Oh,
I'll braid your hair before
I break your face, bro.

429
00:23:15,094 --> 00:23:16,594
Oh, horse whisperer's
got some spunk, huh?

430
00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,028
You wanna go
eight seconds with me?

431
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,330
I only need six.

432
00:23:19,332 --> 00:23:20,664
Hey! Hey! Hey!

433
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,200
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Desperados, slow it down.

434
00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:25,703
Springsteen,
what is the deal?

435
00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:27,872
Loosen the bandana, Hank.

436
00:23:27,874 --> 00:23:29,240
Look, I don't know
about you guys,

437
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:31,842
but I got one
semester left, okay?

438
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:35,679
And then it is
off to law school
and the rest of my life.

439
00:23:35,681 --> 00:23:37,047
Which I'm so happy about.

440
00:23:37,049 --> 00:23:38,349
Yes.

441
00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:41,552
Look, this might be
our last shot

442
00:23:41,554 --> 00:23:43,287
at doing something
that doesn't matter.

443
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:45,122
Okay? For the hell of it.

444
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:49,360
Now I've already signed us up.
We got a game Thursday.

445
00:23:49,362 --> 00:23:52,630
You show up
and we see if the old
spark is there, huh?

446
00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:55,466
And if not,
you go your separate ways.

447
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:57,501
Okay? Who's in?

448
00:23:59,138 --> 00:24:02,706
Here we go, boys! Down!

449
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:06,877
Spank it and shake it!
That's a hand in
the cookie jar!

450
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:09,380
Blue, 42. Set, hut.

451
00:24:13,718 --> 00:24:15,719
Jesus, Randy.

452
00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:19,490
Come here.
Come here, Randy.
Come here.

453
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:21,926
Hey. Why did you
just drop that pass?

454
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:26,230
You just thought you'd ruin
a perfectly good throw?

455
00:24:26,232 --> 00:24:29,600
Or maybe you thought
you'd imitate the drummer
from Def Leppard?

456
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:31,001
I don't get that reference.

457
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:35,105
Yeah, well,
maybe you'll just
run wind sprints

458
00:24:35,107 --> 00:24:36,507
until your feet bleed.

459
00:24:36,509 --> 00:24:37,808
Yeah, I like
the sound of that.

460
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,277
Come on, buddy, hop to.
Let's go!

461
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:41,745
Dick?
What, Ace?

462
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,147
Can't you see I'm
enacting tough love?

463
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:47,585
I just wanted to let you know,
Caleb Fuller signed
up for the leagues.

464
00:24:47,587 --> 00:24:52,089
From the Panthers.
The only team
that ever beat us.

465
00:24:52,758 --> 00:24:57,695
Yeah,
his best friend Grant was
awesomely paralyzed by you

466
00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:58,829
in the game-winning play.

467
00:24:58,831 --> 00:25:01,599
I'm having a tough time here.
I don't... Fuller?

468
00:25:01,601 --> 00:25:03,601
I brought
a series of photographs.

469
00:25:04,302 --> 00:25:06,270
It's Caleb Fuller.

470
00:25:06,272 --> 00:25:09,139
Look at that smile,
five miles wide.

471
00:25:09,141 --> 00:25:12,109
Hold on.
There's a few more in here.
I got a...

472
00:25:13,212 --> 00:25:15,713
Yeah. I know who he is!

473
00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:18,983
I was just pretending
not to so it seemed
like I didn't care.

474
00:25:18,985 --> 00:25:21,145
Who's their
first game against?

475
00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:31,862
Perfect.

476
00:25:33,832 --> 00:25:35,299
What does it say?

477
00:25:47,647 --> 00:25:52,316
<i>Opening night.</i>
<i>The grass is green,</i>
<i>the moon is out.</i>

478
00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:54,485
<i>I'm blitzed out of my skull</i>
<i>and ready to watch</i>
<i>the first game of</i>

479
00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:57,922
what promises to be
a very exciting
intramural season.

480
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:01,659
I'm joined, as always,
by my cohort, Dan.
Dan, how's it hanging?

481
00:26:01,661 --> 00:26:04,361
Glad to be here
after my arrest for
possession last week.

482
00:26:04,363 --> 00:26:05,429
How'd your
step-dad take it?

483
00:26:05,431 --> 00:26:07,364
Let's just say we
had to hire a plumber

484
00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:09,233
to get the bricks
out of the toilet.

485
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,168
Always good
with the metaphors.

486
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,004
Metaphors, similes,
haikus, limericks.

487
00:26:14,006 --> 00:26:17,675
He plays
the English language
like a fine guitar.

488
00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:19,243
Where's Caleb?

489
00:26:19,844 --> 00:26:22,346
Don't worry, he'll show.

490
00:26:22,348 --> 00:26:24,915
That's not what
I'm worried about.

491
00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:29,587
The team to beat
this season, the Titans.

492
00:26:29,589 --> 00:26:33,023
Made up of
the fifth-year seniors
from the Who-Cares fraternity,

493
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:35,693
the Titans had been favorited
to go all the way,

494
00:26:35,695 --> 00:26:36,794
thanks to Dick Downs.

495
00:26:36,796 --> 00:26:38,028
It's just nice to know that

496
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:40,197
despite their good looks
and established wealth,

497
00:26:40,199 --> 00:26:42,967
they're all
likely to suffer from
alcoholism and depression

498
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:45,369
some 20 years from now.

499
00:26:45,371 --> 00:26:47,571
I want you to
rip off their heads

500
00:26:47,573 --> 00:26:49,907
and shit down
their spinal cavity.

501
00:26:49,909 --> 00:26:50,975
Aah!

502
00:26:53,044 --> 00:26:54,478
Where the hell is Caleb?

503
00:27:05,223 --> 00:27:08,592
Hey, you!
You're parked in
the handicap zone.

504
00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:14,465
Hi. You-hoo.

505
00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:17,067
Hi.
Hi.

506
00:27:17,069 --> 00:27:20,404
You're in the handicap.
Your car.

507
00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:24,775
You know what? It's okay.
My best friend used
to be paralyzed, so...

508
00:27:24,777 --> 00:27:26,777
What?

509
00:27:26,779 --> 00:27:29,279
He didn't used
to be paralyzed,
he used to be my best friend.

510
00:27:29,281 --> 00:27:30,814
Oh, okay.

511
00:27:30,816 --> 00:27:31,915
But I haven't
spoken to him in a while,

512
00:27:31,917 --> 00:27:34,918
but he is still paralyzed,
so thank goodness.

513
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:35,986
Uh...

514
00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,322
That doesn't go away.

515
00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:39,456
Sorry, I guess.

516
00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:41,091
That's okay.

517
00:27:41,093 --> 00:27:44,795
Your shirt, that kind
of reminds me of him.
<i>Eye of the Tiger</i> fan.

518
00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:48,699
It kind of
reminds me of <i> Rocky III.</i>
Best movie of all time.

519
00:27:48,701 --> 00:27:50,334
I think you mean <i> Rocky I.</i>

520
00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:52,269
What? Come on.
Yeah.

521
00:27:52,271 --> 00:27:54,204
No, he doesn't
even win in the end.

522
00:27:54,206 --> 00:27:58,942
It's not about the winning.
No, no, come on.
That's where he meets Adrian.

523
00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:01,045
Yeah.
Oh. Interesting.

524
00:28:01,047 --> 00:28:03,213
Mer-Bear,
did you bring my juice boxes?

525
00:28:03,215 --> 00:28:04,615
Hi.

526
00:28:04,617 --> 00:28:07,785
Well, well, well.
The prodigal pussy returns.

527
00:28:07,787 --> 00:28:09,053
Hey!
What?

528
00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:10,421
It's good to see you, Dick.

529
00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:12,356
Still doing that.

530
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:14,191
Riddle me, riddle me,
riddle me this.

531
00:28:14,193 --> 00:28:17,961
A man with no fear,
or a man with nothing to lose?

532
00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:20,798
What about a man who's
not afraid of losing?

533
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,133
But I...

534
00:28:23,135 --> 00:28:25,369
Look! Just get ready
to feel the pain.

535
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:26,804
Okay. Got it.

536
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:27,905
I'm gonna need
a juice box ready

537
00:28:27,907 --> 00:28:29,707
when I'm done taking
sexual advantage of that guy

538
00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:30,874
for four quarters.

539
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,009
Okay.

540
00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:34,311
Dick, stop it.
What?

541
00:28:34,313 --> 00:28:35,746
I said, stop.

542
00:28:36,581 --> 00:28:38,882
I'm sorry.
Okay.

543
00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:41,719
I'm gonna rip out
your colon and use it
as a spooky eye-patch.

544
00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:44,021
I'll see you on the field,
Fuller.

545
00:28:44,023 --> 00:28:45,089
Okay...

546
00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:50,427
Wow. So...

547
00:28:50,429 --> 00:28:51,862
He's a good one.

548
00:28:51,864 --> 00:28:53,197
Mer-Bear.

549
00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:54,364
Heh.

550
00:28:54,366 --> 00:28:56,333
Just Meredith.
Okay.

551
00:28:57,335 --> 00:28:58,602
Is that, uh...

552
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,138
Is that your boyfriend?

553
00:29:02,373 --> 00:29:06,744
No, no, no.
No. Gross. No, that's...

554
00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:08,112
Sorry, he's my brother.

555
00:29:08,114 --> 00:29:09,680
Oh, okay.

556
00:29:09,682 --> 00:29:11,515
That's my twin brother.
Oh.

557
00:29:11,517 --> 00:29:12,916
Yeah, I know.

558
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:15,219
Okay. I'm gonna get going.

559
00:29:15,221 --> 00:29:16,353
Okay.

560
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,989
It was lovely to
meet you, just Meredith.

561
00:29:19,958 --> 00:29:21,959
A handshake?
Yeah.

562
00:29:21,961 --> 00:29:25,596
You can't offer me
a handshake before a game.

563
00:29:26,231 --> 00:29:27,364
Uh, all right.

564
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:28,632
You gotta get amped up.

565
00:29:28,634 --> 00:29:33,070
Come on, give me a high five
or a chest bump or something.

566
00:29:33,072 --> 00:29:34,805
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, yeah.

567
00:29:34,807 --> 00:29:36,273
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll give you
a little high five.

568
00:29:36,275 --> 00:29:37,875
Okay.
Cool with that.

569
00:29:37,877 --> 00:29:40,210
We'll do a little
chest bumping later.
Okay.

570
00:29:40,212 --> 00:29:41,912
What?

571
00:29:41,914 --> 00:29:44,548
No, we'll just...

572
00:29:45,383 --> 00:29:47,050
All right.

573
00:29:47,052 --> 00:29:48,952
See you later.
Got it.

574
00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:52,289
I just... Nope.

575
00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:58,662
Are my eyes deceiving me?
I think that's Caleb Fuller
and the Panthers,

576
00:29:58,664 --> 00:30:00,931
a team that won
the intramural crown
four years ago,

577
00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:02,232
but disbanded soon after

578
00:30:02,234 --> 00:30:05,235
their star receiver
was paralyzed
from the dong on down.

579
00:30:05,237 --> 00:30:08,005
We haven't seen these guys
since we were
second-year seniors.

580
00:30:08,007 --> 00:30:11,008
One wonders if they will
be able to recapture
the magic they once had.

581
00:30:11,010 --> 00:30:12,409
We'll find out
soon enough, Bill.

582
00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:15,012
But from the looks of things,
we gonna see
a beating so severe

583
00:30:15,014 --> 00:30:17,581
that it would make
Uday Hussein
look like a Quaker.

584
00:30:17,583 --> 00:30:20,150
And he, my friend,
was no Quaker.

585
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,987
Hey, man,
you're pretty strong, huh?

586
00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:25,956
How much do you bench,
dude-bro?

587
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:28,392
Ready! Down.

588
00:30:28,927 --> 00:30:30,561
Set. Hut.

589
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:34,331
Aah!

590
00:30:35,099 --> 00:30:37,267
405, dude-bro.

591
00:30:41,105 --> 00:30:42,606
Jesus.

592
00:30:53,151 --> 00:30:56,671
Chance, Hank.
Check the ball.
Check the ball.

593
00:31:14,472 --> 00:31:16,673
Whoa, call the Panthers
Houdini's Shittier Brother,

594
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:19,076
'cause they definitely
do not have the magic.

595
00:31:19,078 --> 00:31:21,645
No, these panthers
look like pussies.

596
00:31:25,049 --> 00:31:28,151
That was the lamest
excuse for football
I've ever seen.

597
00:31:28,153 --> 00:31:29,887
Yo! Wasn't that bad.

598
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:31,388
Wasn't that bad?

599
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:33,824
Dude, they scored
my grandpa's age.

600
00:31:33,826 --> 00:31:36,693
Um, you sucked just
as bad as we did.

601
00:31:36,695 --> 00:31:38,996
Whatever, Magic Mike.

602
00:31:38,998 --> 00:31:41,999
That movie has
nothing to do with magic!

603
00:31:42,001 --> 00:31:44,501
Hey, Siegfried,
why don't you go jack off
one of your tigers?

604
00:31:44,503 --> 00:31:46,203
Hey, leave him alone,
Friend-o.

605
00:31:46,205 --> 00:31:47,838
Yeah, who put
you in charge, Hank?

606
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,241
It's clear that
I'm the only one here
with functioning testicles.

607
00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:52,676
Yeah? How'd you like
them not to function?

608
00:31:52,678 --> 00:31:56,246
Whoa, whoa! Calm down.
Everybody calm down.

609
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:59,116
It was a rough start.
We're gonna get better.

610
00:32:00,718 --> 00:32:03,253
We're gonna get better,
right, Caleb?

611
00:32:04,355 --> 00:32:07,624
Yeah, I don't know.
Just didn't feel right.

612
00:32:08,092 --> 00:32:09,927
Yeah.

613
00:32:09,929 --> 00:32:12,229
Didn't feel right
having your asses
handed to you.

614
00:32:12,231 --> 00:32:14,631
Look, I understand
being a little bit rusty.

615
00:32:14,633 --> 00:32:16,300
'Cause I was celibate
for three months once.

616
00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:20,470
And when I got
back into the game,
I couldn't get erect again.

617
00:32:20,472 --> 00:32:21,738
I can't even
begin to imagine

618
00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:24,041
how you guys
were ever that good
in the first place.

619
00:32:24,043 --> 00:32:27,878
They were good
because they played
with their hearts.

620
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:32,215
The Panthers I used to know
would take a beating like that

621
00:32:32,217 --> 00:32:37,220
and come back with
the fury of a raging typhoon.

622
00:32:37,222 --> 00:32:42,426
Those players
would calmly stare down
the dark lord of death

623
00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:46,563
and nut-tap him like
he was a cheap
Mexican birthday clown.

624
00:32:46,565 --> 00:32:49,800
They wouldn't
sit there and cry

625
00:32:49,802 --> 00:32:54,404
like a group of schoolgirls
that didn't get
to feed the geese.

626
00:32:54,406 --> 00:32:57,474
The men that I
once called friends

627
00:32:57,476 --> 00:33:01,778
would do the only thing
they knew how to do.

628
00:33:01,780 --> 00:33:04,047
Stand up and fight.

629
00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:08,552
Okay, I'm sorry.
Who the hell are you?

630
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:14,124
My name is Grant Rosenfalis,
and I'm your new head coach.

631
00:33:18,262 --> 00:33:22,499
There is a classic structure
to all underdog sports movies.

632
00:33:22,934 --> 00:33:24,868
<i>Rocky, Hoosiers,</i>

633
00:33:24,870 --> 00:33:28,271
<i>Air Buds 1, 2, 3</i> and <i> 5.</i>

634
00:33:28,273 --> 00:33:29,339
What about <i> Air Bud 4?</i>

635
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:32,509
A dog playing baseball?
Are you insane?

636
00:33:33,277 --> 00:33:34,611
It was stupid.

637
00:33:34,613 --> 00:33:36,680
Now, just like
in these films,

638
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:40,617
you lot are a ragtag team
of varied archetypes.

639
00:33:40,619 --> 00:33:45,155
Currently zeroes,
though potentially heroes.

640
00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:47,991
But only with
the help of me,

641
00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:50,293
the crusty,
yet affable veteran

642
00:33:50,295 --> 00:33:52,963
reluctant to revisit
his troubled past.

643
00:33:52,965 --> 00:33:54,564
You're like
the exact same age as us.

644
00:33:54,566 --> 00:33:57,467
Eight thousand wind sprints
for the boy with Asperger's.

645
00:33:59,171 --> 00:34:00,537
All right.

646
00:34:03,408 --> 00:34:07,577
Okay. Grant,
what do we do?

647
00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,149
We train.

648
00:34:26,697 --> 00:34:28,698
Damn! It's too slow.

649
00:34:28,700 --> 00:34:33,904
I'll be employing
some unorthodox
training methods.

650
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:37,007
<i>You'll be like
clay in my hands.</i>

651
00:34:37,508 --> 00:34:38,775
Resistant at first...

652
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:40,510
Why are we
training on the beach?

653
00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,179
Because it's inspirational.

654
00:34:42,181 --> 00:34:45,916
But over time,
malleable to my touch.

655
00:34:47,685 --> 00:34:52,622
Athletic ability is not
the only skill to be honed.

656
00:34:52,624 --> 00:34:55,926
There must be
interpersonal conflict.

657
00:34:55,928 --> 00:34:57,360
Nice hooves out there,
Buttercup.

658
00:34:57,362 --> 00:34:58,528
Shut the hell up.

659
00:34:58,530 --> 00:35:00,464
There must be anger.

660
00:35:00,466 --> 00:35:01,598
Ooh!

661
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:02,966
I hate you so much, Grant.

662
00:35:02,968 --> 00:35:04,034
And passion.

663
00:35:04,036 --> 00:35:05,802
Yeah!

664
00:35:05,804 --> 00:35:09,973
Some of my methods might
be deemed controversial.

665
00:35:09,975 --> 00:35:11,041
You guys sure about this?

666
00:35:11,043 --> 00:35:13,310
Football is war, gentlemen.

667
00:35:13,312 --> 00:35:16,546
And in war,
sometimes you get
shot with a gun.

668
00:35:16,548 --> 00:35:18,081
Okay.

669
00:35:18,083 --> 00:35:20,717
I can do it. I can do it.
I'm not gonna back out.

670
00:35:24,423 --> 00:35:26,323
Why didn't you
shoot him in the vest?

671
00:35:26,325 --> 00:35:27,924
You didn't tell me to.

672
00:35:27,926 --> 00:35:30,660
It seemed pretty
self-explanatory.

673
00:35:32,598 --> 00:35:34,431
Oh, God!
We gotta get
the hell out of here.

674
00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:36,566
What did you do?

675
00:35:36,568 --> 00:35:38,735
To lend a sense of gravity

676
00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:42,105
<i>to the otherwise
shallow athletic scenarios,</i>

677
00:35:42,107 --> 00:35:45,142
we'll need racial tension.

678
00:35:46,744 --> 00:35:50,224
<i>Then, you'll learn</i>
<i>to accept the freak</i>
<i>for who he is.</i>

679
00:35:50,615 --> 00:35:52,149
Hey, freak show.

680
00:35:52,583 --> 00:35:54,184
Nice catch.

681
00:35:54,186 --> 00:35:56,853
<i>Creepy and special.</i>

682
00:35:58,089 --> 00:36:01,491
Moments of levity
should be found

683
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:04,161
<i>amongst the rigors of training.</i>

684
00:36:08,432 --> 00:36:09,599
It was human piss.

685
00:36:09,601 --> 00:36:13,270
And slowly but surely,
I'll begin to lighten up,

686
00:36:13,272 --> 00:36:15,138
and you'll see that

687
00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:19,109
this rough-around-the-edges
persona is merely skin-deep.

688
00:36:25,483 --> 00:36:27,450
<i>It didn't hurt.</i>

689
00:36:27,452 --> 00:36:29,019
<i>Everybody laugh.</i>

690
00:36:33,791 --> 00:36:35,792
'Cause I'm paralyzed.

691
00:36:35,794 --> 00:36:38,161
And as the music escalates,

692
00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:41,064
you begin to
improve dramatically.

693
00:37:05,890 --> 00:37:08,191
Finally,
the training culminates

694
00:37:08,193 --> 00:37:12,262
in an epic, slow-motion
shot of celebration.

695
00:37:35,721 --> 00:37:37,520
So I actually didn't know
what wind sprints were,

696
00:37:37,522 --> 00:37:39,762
so I just grabbed
a quick little snack.

697
00:37:40,524 --> 00:37:42,692
What, did I miss something?

698
00:37:48,366 --> 00:37:50,000
No peeking.

699
00:37:52,703 --> 00:37:53,870
Isn't that amazing.

700
00:37:53,872 --> 00:37:58,308
It's made of
only soy, spirulina
and fermented radishes.

701
00:37:58,310 --> 00:38:01,878
Uh-huh. Yeah,
swear I could've gotten
some rat feces in there.

702
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,214
God, I think this
is our wedding cake.

703
00:38:04,216 --> 00:38:07,717
You know,
like, when you're little
and you think of your cake,

704
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:09,486
and then you taste
it and you're like,

705
00:38:10,221 --> 00:38:11,388
"Aah, it's my cake"?

706
00:38:11,390 --> 00:38:12,555
Yeah?

707
00:38:12,557 --> 00:38:14,424
Oh, my God, don't you
have to go to LSAT class?

708
00:38:14,426 --> 00:38:18,361
Uh, yeah, you know what?
I'm just gonna
skip this one, so...

709
00:38:18,896 --> 00:38:20,630
Why?

710
00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:23,133
We got a game.
But you should come.

711
00:38:23,135 --> 00:38:26,903
Well, see, my dress weaver is
getting in from Milan tonight

712
00:38:26,905 --> 00:38:28,672
and we're going to
a Peruvian sweat lodge

713
00:38:28,674 --> 00:38:30,407
to start brainstorming
color schemes.

714
00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:33,943
But also,
why are you skipping class?

715
00:38:33,945 --> 00:38:35,645
It's just one class.

716
00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:36,846
Hmm.

717
00:38:36,848 --> 00:38:40,750
Well, it's just one class,
and then it's two classes,

718
00:38:40,752 --> 00:38:44,854
and then it's like
you're cheating on me
with my second cousin, Maevid.

719
00:38:44,856 --> 00:38:45,922
Maevid?

720
00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:47,991
This is our future.

721
00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:52,762
Okay. Yeah, I'll just...
I'll skip the game.

722
00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:54,764
I'll skip the game. Okay?

723
00:38:54,766 --> 00:38:56,099
Good. Better.

724
00:38:56,101 --> 00:38:57,901
All right.
I love you.

725
00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:00,970
For you.
I love you, I love you...

726
00:39:00,972 --> 00:39:03,206
I love me-you. Yeah.
Loving me, me, me.

727
00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:05,175
Mwah. Okay.

728
00:39:05,177 --> 00:39:07,610
You taste like the cake.

729
00:39:17,154 --> 00:39:18,388
Desolation!

730
00:39:18,390 --> 00:39:20,790
Shield, shield, shield, shield.

731
00:39:27,665 --> 00:39:28,965
You storming the castle?

732
00:39:33,304 --> 00:39:34,337
Hey, you.

733
00:39:34,339 --> 00:39:35,638
What's up?

734
00:39:36,707 --> 00:39:38,241
Where are you off to?

735
00:39:38,243 --> 00:39:39,809
I got an LSAT prep course.

736
00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:41,044
What are you doing?

737
00:39:41,046 --> 00:39:42,312
I'm, uh...

738
00:39:42,314 --> 00:39:43,980
I'm assistant manager

739
00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:46,349
of extracurricular activities.

740
00:39:46,351 --> 00:39:47,917
Oh, so you graduated.

741
00:39:47,919 --> 00:39:48,985
I did.

742
00:39:48,987 --> 00:39:50,420
Four years straight through,

743
00:39:50,422 --> 00:39:52,889
start to finish,
you're out.

744
00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:55,658
Gene, that's
a level-six
sorcery violation.

745
00:39:55,660 --> 00:39:57,827
One more, and I'll abscond
your dwarf rubies.

746
00:39:57,829 --> 00:39:59,929
My humblest apologies,
fair maiden.

747
00:39:59,931 --> 00:40:01,231
Carry on.

748
00:40:03,834 --> 00:40:05,668
Oh, you rule
with an iron fist.

749
00:40:05,670 --> 00:40:07,837
Whew. Just gotta...

750
00:40:07,839 --> 00:40:10,006
Yeah. I wanted to ask you

751
00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:12,876
what was it like
sharing a uterus
with Dick Downs?

752
00:40:12,878 --> 00:40:15,011
My brother's an ass
sometimes, I know.

753
00:40:15,013 --> 00:40:16,679
Yeah, what's the deal
with that?

754
00:40:16,681 --> 00:40:19,582
He had this huge
football scholarship,
and he lost it.

755
00:40:19,584 --> 00:40:20,850
Oh, what happened?

756
00:40:20,852 --> 00:40:22,352
Got in a car accident.

757
00:40:22,354 --> 00:40:23,887
Oh, my God, that sucks.

758
00:40:23,889 --> 00:40:25,889
Yeah, but it was his fault.

759
00:40:25,891 --> 00:40:29,058
He's a moron, but he's
my brother, so...

760
00:40:29,060 --> 00:40:31,027
Yeah, anyway, um,

761
00:40:31,029 --> 00:40:32,595
you should come
to our game tonight.

762
00:40:32,597 --> 00:40:34,597
I thought you had
your prep course.

763
00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:35,899
Yeah, you know what?

764
00:40:35,901 --> 00:40:38,201
Now I'm thinking
I might skip this one.

765
00:40:38,203 --> 00:40:39,869
Oh, okay. Uh,

766
00:40:39,871 --> 00:40:42,539
you might need
to convince me.

767
00:40:42,541 --> 00:40:44,874
Um, I really think
you should come.

768
00:40:44,876 --> 00:40:46,776
You're gonna see
a different team.

769
00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:47,977
Oh, come on.

770
00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:50,079
You can convince me
better than that.

771
00:40:50,081 --> 00:40:52,949
Be manly, like Rocky.

772
00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:54,417
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah. Yeah.

773
00:40:54,419 --> 00:40:55,485
I see.
Let's go there.

774
00:40:55,487 --> 00:40:56,586
That kind of... Okay.

775
00:40:56,588 --> 00:40:57,887
How about, um,

776
00:40:57,889 --> 00:40:59,088
Y-YO,

777
00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:01,257
you should totally
come to our game,

778
00:41:01,259 --> 00:41:02,559
yo, seriously.

779
00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:05,895
We're gonna pound
their skulls like
it's raw meat.

780
00:41:05,897 --> 00:41:07,797
Stop, or my mom
will shoot.

781
00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:09,566
Adrian!

782
00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:13,403
God, that was,
uh, yeah, no...

783
00:41:13,405 --> 00:41:14,737
I got a little
carried away there.
Was that good?

784
00:41:14,739 --> 00:41:16,806
That was actually
surprisingly good.

785
00:41:16,808 --> 00:41:18,174
Ah, thank you.

786
00:41:18,176 --> 00:41:19,509
So you'll come?

787
00:41:19,511 --> 00:41:21,778
GENE!

788
00:41:21,780 --> 00:41:23,480
No more quickening
potions for you.

789
00:41:23,482 --> 00:41:25,148
What? That's not fair.
I didn't do anything.

790
00:41:25,150 --> 00:41:26,583
Like hell, you didn't.

791
00:41:26,585 --> 00:41:27,917
We both saw you, Gene.

792
00:41:27,919 --> 00:41:29,986
Listen, I, uh...
Gene.

793
00:41:29,988 --> 00:41:31,688
I'll see you.
Okay.

794
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:32,822
I'll see you.

795
00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,491
I'll see you tonight.
Okay.

796
00:41:34,493 --> 00:41:35,792
All right.
Good luck.

797
00:41:35,794 --> 00:41:37,060
Well, thank you.

798
00:41:44,301 --> 00:41:46,803
And in a drastic
turn of events,

799
00:41:46,805 --> 00:41:49,272
the Panthers
are neck and neck
with the Oilers.

800
00:41:49,274 --> 00:41:51,274
This is not the same team
we've seen out there.

801
00:41:51,276 --> 00:41:54,043
It's almost as if
Coach Grant Rosenfalis

802
00:41:54,045 --> 00:41:55,945
has turned the team around

803
00:41:55,947 --> 00:41:56,980
with his odd,
yet winning mixture

804
00:41:56,982 --> 00:41:58,781
of been there,
done that attitude

805
00:41:58,783 --> 00:42:00,283
and eclectic training devices.

806
00:42:00,285 --> 00:42:02,852
It's a potent combination
that never fails.

807
00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:03,953
No, sir.

808
00:42:03,955 --> 00:42:06,556
Almost as potent as this.
Ready!

809
00:42:06,558 --> 00:42:09,158
Down! Niney!

810
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:10,320
Set. Hut.

811
00:42:15,165 --> 00:42:17,367
YEAH!

812
00:42:18,670 --> 00:42:20,904
Dude!
You call that defense?

813
00:42:20,906 --> 00:42:22,672
Back off.

814
00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:24,541
Taking a T, T-time.

815
00:42:24,543 --> 00:42:25,875
Caleb, come to "T."

816
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:26,976
Come on.

817
00:42:26,978 --> 00:42:28,378
All right.

818
00:42:28,380 --> 00:42:30,113
What's the play?

819
00:42:31,315 --> 00:42:32,649
Triple Z.

820
00:42:32,651 --> 00:42:34,384
What?

821
00:42:35,853 --> 00:42:38,213
Grant, that's
the play that...

822
00:42:38,489 --> 00:42:40,924
I can't.
You must.

823
00:42:40,926 --> 00:42:43,192
You want to lead this team?
Listen to me.

824
00:42:43,194 --> 00:42:45,428
You're on a dinner date
with fate right now,

825
00:42:45,430 --> 00:42:47,063
and she keeps
touching your shoulder.

826
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:49,232
Quit ordering desserts
and take her home.

827
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,772
So what's the call?

828
00:42:55,774 --> 00:42:57,607
Caleb.

829
00:42:57,609 --> 00:42:59,175
What's the call?

830
00:43:00,344 --> 00:43:01,578
Triple Z.

831
00:43:01,580 --> 00:43:04,414
What? We haven't done that
play since freshman year.

832
00:43:04,416 --> 00:43:06,349
Vinnie, I need
a great head fake from you.

833
00:43:06,351 --> 00:43:07,917
Yeah.
Chance,
you're getting the catch.

834
00:43:07,919 --> 00:43:09,686
Everyone else,
you know what to do.

835
00:43:09,688 --> 00:43:12,188
I have actually
no idea what you're
talking about.

836
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:14,757
Hank, you go
out there, and you be
a distraction, okay?

837
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:15,959
On one. On one.

838
00:43:15,961 --> 00:43:17,460
- Ready?
- Break!

839
00:43:17,462 --> 00:43:18,595
Last play.

840
00:43:18,597 --> 00:43:20,477
Let's see if the Panthers
can make some magic.

841
00:43:21,699 --> 00:43:23,866
Ready.

842
00:43:23,868 --> 00:43:24,968
Down.

843
00:43:24,970 --> 00:43:26,703
Set.

844
00:43:26,705 --> 00:43:28,705
Whoo! Look at me!

845
00:43:28,707 --> 00:43:29,973
I'm beautiful!

846
00:43:29,975 --> 00:43:32,375
Yeah, I'm
the prettiest boy
in class.

847
00:43:32,377 --> 00:43:33,876
Hut!

848
00:43:52,062 --> 00:43:54,564
Throw the ball!

849
00:43:58,736 --> 00:44:00,003
Fuller's gonna run it.

850
00:44:00,005 --> 00:44:02,772
He's at the 40,
the 30, the 20.

851
00:44:02,774 --> 00:44:04,774
He could go all the way.

852
00:44:04,776 --> 00:44:06,309
Fuller for the touchdown.

853
00:44:06,311 --> 00:44:08,077
Despite having
a wide-open man,

854
00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:10,246
Caleb Fuller
decides to run it in.

855
00:44:10,248 --> 00:44:12,849
And just like that,
the Panthers are
back in business.

856
00:44:12,851 --> 00:44:14,083
Whoo!

857
00:44:14,085 --> 00:44:15,284
What's up? Yeah!

858
00:44:15,286 --> 00:44:16,419
Yeah, man!

859
00:44:16,421 --> 00:44:17,620
Yeah!
Whoo!

860
00:44:17,622 --> 00:44:19,689
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

861
00:44:19,691 --> 00:44:22,492
Whoo! Whoo!

862
00:44:30,367 --> 00:44:32,769
Yo, good game
tonight, guys.
Way to go.

863
00:44:32,771 --> 00:44:33,836
Yeah.
Man, you killed it.

864
00:44:33,838 --> 00:44:35,038
Good job, man.
Do it like that.

865
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,172
Yeah, yeah.

866
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,507
You did great.
Good night, man.

867
00:44:37,509 --> 00:44:39,442
We won the flag football
game because of you.

868
00:44:39,444 --> 00:44:40,510
Good.
Yeah.

869
00:44:40,512 --> 00:44:42,111
Hank, I'll see you
at home.

870
00:44:42,113 --> 00:44:45,014
All right. Don't wait up.
There's a freshman thing
I'm gonna go check out.

871
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,282
Right. Okay.

872
00:44:49,954 --> 00:44:51,854
Hi, Chance.

873
00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:54,957
I just wanted to say
thanks for putting
the team back together.

874
00:44:54,959 --> 00:44:57,126
Yeah, totally.
I really needed this.

875
00:44:57,128 --> 00:44:58,461
Yeah, yeah,
me, too, man.

876
00:44:58,463 --> 00:45:00,463
My parents don't
respect my magic.

877
00:45:00,465 --> 00:45:02,298
My dad won't
look me in the eye.

878
00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:03,900
My mom keeps
forwarding me emails

879
00:45:03,902 --> 00:45:06,803
about how magic's
for nerds and losers.

880
00:45:06,805 --> 00:45:09,405
They think
I should be a doctor.

881
00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:11,507
Do you want
to be a doctor?

882
00:45:11,509 --> 00:45:13,376
I'd rather have
an asp-tongued demon

883
00:45:13,378 --> 00:45:16,412
impale the shaft
of my penis upon
a fiery scythe!

884
00:45:16,414 --> 00:45:18,548
As seen in this painting
I did last night.

885
00:45:18,550 --> 00:45:19,849
Ah, okay.

886
00:45:19,851 --> 00:45:21,484
Got it.

887
00:45:21,486 --> 00:45:23,486
That's graphic.

888
00:45:24,488 --> 00:45:26,322
What do you want to do
after college, Chance?

889
00:45:26,324 --> 00:45:30,993
I want to disappear completely.

890
00:45:30,995 --> 00:45:33,596
Oh, like a...
Like a magic trick.

891
00:45:33,598 --> 00:45:37,900
No, gone completely.

892
00:45:42,005 --> 00:45:43,606
Okay.

893
00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:46,342
Good... Good talking to you.

894
00:46:04,027 --> 00:46:06,262
You couldn't do it,
could you?

895
00:46:06,264 --> 00:46:08,197
We won, didn't we?

896
00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:09,465
One game.

897
00:46:09,467 --> 00:46:10,967
Man, what is your problem?

898
00:46:10,969 --> 00:46:14,070
You hesitated.
You were scared.

899
00:46:14,072 --> 00:46:18,141
Now, I know this is
just a fun, kissy-pants
carousel ride for you.

900
00:46:18,143 --> 00:46:20,777
I need this.

901
00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:24,147
Now, look,
not a day goes by

902
00:46:24,149 --> 00:46:25,615
that I don't regret
what happened to you.

903
00:46:25,617 --> 00:46:28,584
Why? You threw
the perfect pass.

904
00:46:28,586 --> 00:46:31,053
Anything else,
we would have
lost that game,

905
00:46:31,055 --> 00:46:32,722
lost the championship.

906
00:46:32,724 --> 00:46:34,724
Yeah, well,
you'd still be able
to walk, wouldn't you?

907
00:46:34,726 --> 00:46:37,126
It wasn't your fault!

908
00:46:39,396 --> 00:46:42,565
Sure, I miss the game. I...

909
00:46:42,567 --> 00:46:45,268
I used to feel
so alive out there.

910
00:46:45,270 --> 00:46:47,236
Wind sweeping against my hair,

911
00:46:47,238 --> 00:46:51,274
the slow drain of blood
into my still-working penis

912
00:46:51,276 --> 00:46:53,075
to form the perfect half chub

913
00:46:53,077 --> 00:46:56,913
that felt so awesome
against my freshly
laundered shorts.

914
00:46:56,915 --> 00:46:58,414
I just...

915
00:46:59,783 --> 00:47:02,752
But those days are over.

916
00:47:03,754 --> 00:47:07,757
These men need you.

917
00:47:07,759 --> 00:47:11,127
Grant,
it's just intramurals.

918
00:47:11,129 --> 00:47:13,262
Not anymore.

919
00:47:13,264 --> 00:47:15,431
You've changed things.

920
00:47:15,433 --> 00:47:17,266
Getting the old team
back together,

921
00:47:17,268 --> 00:47:20,002
you've given these men
a sense of purpose.

922
00:47:22,373 --> 00:47:24,941
You're finger blasting
fate, kid.

923
00:47:27,111 --> 00:47:30,379
Yeah, well,
what if I can't, huh?

924
00:47:30,381 --> 00:47:32,181
What if I fail?

925
00:47:33,317 --> 00:47:36,118
You know,
Franklin Roosevelt once said,

926
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,288
"Any boy can piss
on the floor.

927
00:47:39,290 --> 00:47:43,659
"It takes a real man
to crap on the ceiling."

928
00:47:43,661 --> 00:47:46,796
Can you crap
on the ceiling, Caleb?

929
00:47:46,798 --> 00:47:49,365
It's not a metaphor.

930
00:48:04,248 --> 00:48:07,216
You were right.

931
00:48:07,218 --> 00:48:09,418
I did see
a different team
out there.

932
00:48:09,420 --> 00:48:10,820
What happened, huh?

933
00:48:10,822 --> 00:48:13,990
Well, you know,
people change.

934
00:48:13,992 --> 00:48:15,491
What are you doing here?

935
00:48:15,493 --> 00:48:17,526
Doesn't your,
uh, uterus buddy

936
00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:19,809
have a game in 10 minutes?

937
00:48:21,398 --> 00:48:23,032
You're not going?

938
00:48:23,034 --> 00:48:24,333
No.

939
00:48:24,335 --> 00:48:26,903
Figured I'd see
what you were up to.

940
00:48:29,006 --> 00:48:33,175
You wanna go somewhere?

941
00:48:33,177 --> 00:48:34,443
All right,
you all right?

942
00:48:34,445 --> 00:48:36,212
I'm good.
Whoa. Okay, you're good.

943
00:48:36,214 --> 00:48:38,447
So you swear there's
no crazy homeless people

944
00:48:38,449 --> 00:48:40,016
living in here or anything?

945
00:48:40,018 --> 00:48:41,751
Oh, yeah,
I assure you.

946
00:48:41,753 --> 00:48:43,085
It...

947
00:48:44,121 --> 00:48:45,788
Is clean.

948
00:48:45,790 --> 00:48:46,856
You all right?

949
00:48:46,858 --> 00:48:48,357
I'm great.
Okay.

950
00:48:48,359 --> 00:48:50,192
So how'd you find out
about this place?

951
00:48:50,194 --> 00:48:52,528
Well, Grant and I
worked here in high school.

952
00:48:52,530 --> 00:48:54,030
Oh.
Awesome, right?

953
00:48:54,032 --> 00:48:55,064
Yeah.
Yeah.

954
00:48:55,066 --> 00:48:56,599
Our senior year,
it got shut down,

955
00:48:56,601 --> 00:48:58,434
but I held on
to a key, and, uh,

956
00:48:58,436 --> 00:49:00,536
they never changed the locks,
so here we are.

957
00:49:00,538 --> 00:49:02,738
Kept a key just,
what, thinking maybe

958
00:49:02,740 --> 00:49:07,109
you could, like,
take a girl here
and flip the disco balls

959
00:49:07,111 --> 00:49:09,312
and put on
the sexy lights,

960
00:49:09,314 --> 00:49:11,380
maybe some sweet tasty jams.

961
00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:13,049
Here goes.

962
00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:19,388
Behold.

963
00:49:21,591 --> 00:49:23,392
That's still pretty cool.

964
00:49:23,394 --> 00:49:25,962
Even when
you know it's coming,
it's still pretty cool.

965
00:49:25,964 --> 00:49:27,396
Am I right?

966
00:49:27,398 --> 00:49:28,764
You might be right.

967
00:49:32,070 --> 00:49:34,670
Hey!

968
00:49:34,672 --> 00:49:37,273
Have you come
to eat my brains?

969
00:49:37,275 --> 00:49:39,575
What the hell?
I thought you said there
were no homeless people.

970
00:49:39,577 --> 00:49:41,410
I did not think there
was anyone here, I swear.

971
00:49:41,412 --> 00:49:43,179
Who sent you? Who?

972
00:49:43,181 --> 00:49:44,747
Yeah, we didn't know
anyone was here.

973
00:49:44,749 --> 00:49:46,148
We're just...
We're gonna go.

974
00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:47,416
Like hell.

975
00:49:47,418 --> 00:49:51,087
Fenton! Cheesedog!

976
00:49:51,089 --> 00:49:53,022
Who intrudeth into
the Thunderdome?

977
00:49:53,024 --> 00:49:56,359
Minions, attack!

978
00:49:56,361 --> 00:49:57,526
No, no. Whoa. Come on.

979
00:49:57,528 --> 00:49:59,762
No, no. Whoa!

980
00:50:00,430 --> 00:50:02,264
Raah!
Hyah!

981
00:50:02,266 --> 00:50:04,166
- Whoa!
- Cheesedog!

982
00:50:04,168 --> 00:50:05,501
Okay. Let's go.

983
00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:06,602
I am so sorry.

984
00:50:06,604 --> 00:50:10,006
I'm gonna drink
the inside of your face!

985
00:50:10,507 --> 00:50:13,109
Yaah!

986
00:50:18,281 --> 00:50:20,850
That was weird.

987
00:50:20,852 --> 00:50:22,518
Yeah.

988
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,121
Did you see that kick?
Yes, I did.

989
00:50:25,123 --> 00:50:27,556
I think I knocked out some
of the homeless guy's teeth.

990
00:50:27,558 --> 00:50:28,858
That was amazing.

991
00:50:28,860 --> 00:50:30,693
Damn, I should have
grabbed some of them

992
00:50:30,695 --> 00:50:32,294
for a scrapbook,
or... I don't know...

993
00:50:32,296 --> 00:50:34,230
I could have made you
a necklace or something.

994
00:50:34,232 --> 00:50:35,364
Let's go back.

995
00:50:35,366 --> 00:50:36,866
I think they'd
probably make us

996
00:50:36,868 --> 00:50:38,968
do some pretty weird stuff
if we did, so we shouldn't.

997
00:50:38,970 --> 00:50:40,302
Yeah, yeah.

998
00:50:40,304 --> 00:50:42,238
So I got a question for you.
Okay.

999
00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:44,807
What is it like graduating?

1000
00:50:44,809 --> 00:50:47,143
Well, um,

1001
00:50:47,145 --> 00:50:49,311
the ceremony was lovely.

1002
00:50:49,313 --> 00:50:51,814
Uh, my parents
flew in from Boston.

1003
00:50:51,816 --> 00:50:54,450
I meant... I mean, like,
um, what comes after?

1004
00:50:55,252 --> 00:50:57,486
Like the rest of your life?

1005
00:50:57,488 --> 00:50:59,722
Yeah. I mean, isn't it...

1006
00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:01,524
It's terrifying, right?

1007
00:51:01,526 --> 00:51:04,226
No, I mean, you don't have
to figure it out right away.

1008
00:51:04,228 --> 00:51:05,895
There's plenty of time.

1009
00:51:05,897 --> 00:51:07,930
Yeah, I just wish it
was a little more clear,

1010
00:51:07,932 --> 00:51:09,532
you know, like football.
It's just simple.

1011
00:51:09,534 --> 00:51:11,333
It kind of is.
It's a game of inches.

1012
00:51:11,335 --> 00:51:13,069
I mean, you take it
one play at a time, right?

1013
00:51:13,071 --> 00:51:14,837
You don't think about
what you're gonna be doing

1014
00:51:14,839 --> 00:51:17,440
in the fourth quarter when
you're in the first, right?

1015
00:51:17,442 --> 00:51:18,574
Yeah.

1016
00:51:18,842 --> 00:51:20,076
Sorry.

1017
00:51:20,078 --> 00:51:21,577
That was lame. That was...

1018
00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:23,679
No. No, no, no.
Oh, my God, no.

1019
00:51:23,681 --> 00:51:25,014
It's okay.
No, no, no.

1020
00:51:25,016 --> 00:51:26,615
Look, uh,
sports metaphors,

1021
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:29,418
that's... That's
my love language.

1022
00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:31,620
Phew!

1023
00:51:38,128 --> 00:51:40,262
Heh.

1024
00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:42,064
Um...

1025
00:51:42,066 --> 00:51:44,700
I need to tell you
something.

1026
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:48,270
Uh, can you tell me after?

1027
00:51:48,272 --> 00:51:49,405
Yeah.
Okay.

1028
00:51:49,407 --> 00:51:52,108
Well, look what
we have here.

1029
00:51:52,110 --> 00:51:53,776
Hi, Dick.

1030
00:51:53,778 --> 00:51:55,377
It's not weird
when you do that.

1031
00:51:55,379 --> 00:51:58,114
You do realize
we're twins, Fuller.

1032
00:51:58,116 --> 00:51:59,915
We share DNA,

1033
00:51:59,917 --> 00:52:02,718
so when you're
all up in her mouth space
like that,

1034
00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:04,887
it's just like you're
doing it with me.

1035
00:52:06,057 --> 00:52:08,057
How do I taste,
Fuller, huh?

1036
00:52:08,059 --> 00:52:09,558
Do I taste like Dick?

1037
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:10,626
You taste like dick?

1038
00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:13,629
No. I'm Dick. Shut up.

1039
00:52:13,631 --> 00:52:15,164
I'll tell you what
I don't taste like,

1040
00:52:15,166 --> 00:52:16,632
cranapple juice boxes.

1041
00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:18,968
I'm sorry I missed your game.

1042
00:52:18,970 --> 00:52:20,402
It's cool.

1043
00:52:20,404 --> 00:52:22,138
Just a minor sibling betrayal.

1044
00:52:22,140 --> 00:52:25,174
We still won
despite lack
of proper hydration.

1045
00:52:25,176 --> 00:52:26,675
How'd your team
fare, Fuller?

1046
00:52:26,677 --> 00:52:29,517
You put on
a failure clinic
like last week?

1047
00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:31,580
Uh, we won actually.

1048
00:52:31,582 --> 00:52:33,082
Yeah, beat the Oilers
by seven.

1049
00:52:33,084 --> 00:52:34,250
It was awesome.

1050
00:52:34,252 --> 00:52:35,751
The Oilers? Damn.

1051
00:52:35,753 --> 00:52:36,919
Right?
They're good.

1052
00:52:36,921 --> 00:52:38,287
Shut up, Ace.

1053
00:52:38,289 --> 00:52:39,588
What are you doing?

1054
00:52:39,590 --> 00:52:41,423
He was talking.

1055
00:52:41,425 --> 00:52:42,958
He was just...

1056
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,094
Thank you.

1057
00:52:45,096 --> 00:52:48,264
Hey, Dick, do you
think you could
leave us alone now?

1058
00:52:48,266 --> 00:52:50,299
I need five more seconds
of intimidation staring.

1059
00:52:50,301 --> 00:52:52,101
Mm, no.

1060
00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:54,937
Now.
Fine.

1061
00:52:56,273 --> 00:52:57,673
But I'm telling Mom.

1062
00:52:58,942 --> 00:53:01,610
Oh, and, Fuller,

1063
00:53:01,612 --> 00:53:04,046
remember, even though
you may have won tonight,

1064
00:53:04,048 --> 00:53:07,816
you're still gonna
have to face me
and my boys again,

1065
00:53:07,818 --> 00:53:10,152
and we're gonna make
that last game

1066
00:53:10,154 --> 00:53:12,354
look like a prepubescent
tickle fight.

1067
00:53:13,658 --> 00:53:15,558
Why are you... Stop.
Is that you tickling?

1068
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,793
Tickleboy!

1069
00:53:17,795 --> 00:53:18,861
Tickleboy.

1070
00:53:18,863 --> 00:53:20,362
Tickleboy!
Tickleboy?

1071
00:53:20,364 --> 00:53:21,463
Come on, brodeos.

1072
00:53:21,465 --> 00:53:23,232
Let's make like
Lil' Bow Wow

1073
00:53:23,234 --> 00:53:24,366
and ball bounce.

1074
00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,868
It's <i> Roll Bounce.</i>

1075
00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:27,469
That doesn't make
any sense.

1076
00:53:27,471 --> 00:53:31,140
Rolls don't bounce.
Balls do. Idiot.

1077
00:53:31,142 --> 00:53:32,474
It is <i> Roll Bounce.</i>

1078
00:53:32,476 --> 00:53:33,776
Come on, Ace!

1079
00:53:34,678 --> 00:53:36,178
Wow.

1080
00:53:36,180 --> 00:53:37,613
Yeah.

1081
00:53:39,749 --> 00:53:43,085
So, uh, where were we?

1082
00:53:43,087 --> 00:53:44,987
I think you said

1083
00:53:44,989 --> 00:53:47,270
you had something
you wanted to tell me.

1084
00:53:48,992 --> 00:53:50,059
Nope.

1085
00:53:50,061 --> 00:53:51,160
No?

1086
00:53:51,162 --> 00:53:52,861
No.

1087
00:53:52,863 --> 00:53:55,097
You sure?
Yeah.

1088
00:54:03,741 --> 00:54:05,040
Whoo! Whoo! Yeah!

1089
00:54:44,548 --> 00:54:45,714
I'm excited.

1090
00:54:50,588 --> 00:54:51,654
You're gonna run it?

1091
00:54:51,656 --> 00:54:52,988
That's how
this is gonna go?

1092
00:54:52,990 --> 00:54:54,223
You're not even blocking.

1093
00:54:54,225 --> 00:54:56,345
Going right here?
Come on.

1094
00:55:15,246 --> 00:55:16,912
Yeah! Touchdown!

1095
00:55:26,590 --> 00:55:28,190
<i>What up, players?</i>

1096
00:55:28,192 --> 00:55:30,426
<i>Double D, Dick Downs here.</i>
Don't do it, Dick.

1097
00:55:30,428 --> 00:55:32,594
<i>Just got a full scholarship
to play college ball.</i>

1098
00:55:32,596 --> 00:55:35,698
<i>And this right here</i>
<i>is my sweet new ride...</i>
Don't do it.

1099
00:55:35,700 --> 00:55:37,866
<i>...the alumni just
gave me for free.</i>

1100
00:55:37,868 --> 00:55:39,635
<i>And guess what.
Right now,</i>

1101
00:55:39,637 --> 00:55:42,104
<i>got a new car,
feeling like a star.</i>

1102
00:55:42,106 --> 00:55:43,839
No.
<i>Let's ghost ride!</i>

1103
00:55:43,841 --> 00:55:46,342
No, don't do it.
Just get in the car,
and go home.

1104
00:55:46,344 --> 00:55:48,444
<i>Oh. Oh.</i>

1105
00:55:48,446 --> 00:55:50,379
Oh, no, no, just...

1106
00:55:50,381 --> 00:55:51,880
Just go dance
somewhere else.

1107
00:55:51,882 --> 00:55:53,615
<i>I'm gonna live forever, baby!</i>

1108
00:55:53,617 --> 00:55:55,818
<i>Oh, no.
Dick is on the roof.</i>

1109
00:55:55,820 --> 00:55:57,486
Oh, no.
<i>Ghost ride that whip.</i>

1110
00:55:57,488 --> 00:55:58,620
You're on the roof.

1111
00:55:58,622 --> 00:56:00,622
<i>Ghost ride that... Ohh.</i>

1112
00:56:00,624 --> 00:56:02,491
<i>Oh, no. Ahh!</i>

1113
00:56:06,163 --> 00:56:08,964
<i>Oh, no! My leg! Aah!</i>

1114
00:56:08,966 --> 00:56:11,300
<i>Duke is gonna kill me!</i>
Get up, you pussy.

1115
00:56:11,302 --> 00:56:12,668
Get up, you pussy.

1116
00:56:12,670 --> 00:56:14,470
<i>I got a box of steroids
in the backseat of my car.</i>

1117
00:56:14,472 --> 00:56:16,171
<i>Dude, stop filming!</i>

1118
00:56:16,173 --> 00:56:17,740
<i>Go get 'em, dude!</i>

1119
00:56:19,376 --> 00:56:21,410
Dick.
Whoa! Ace!

1120
00:56:21,412 --> 00:56:23,312
I put a scrunchie
on the door!

1121
00:56:23,314 --> 00:56:27,015
Can't you see I'm reliving
my past failures to ensure
my future success?

1122
00:56:27,017 --> 00:56:29,551
Yeah. Sorry. I just
want to let you know

1123
00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:31,053
the Panthers
won again tonight.

1124
00:56:31,055 --> 00:56:32,755
They, um,
made the playoffs.

1125
00:56:32,757 --> 00:56:34,990
Who gives a shit?

1126
00:56:34,992 --> 00:56:37,059
I'm just...
I'm just worried.

1127
00:56:37,061 --> 00:56:40,329
They've gotten really good.

1128
00:56:40,331 --> 00:56:41,764
They're impenetrable.

1129
00:56:43,234 --> 00:56:44,833
Trust me, Ace.

1130
00:56:44,835 --> 00:56:46,602
I'll penetrate them.

1131
00:56:46,604 --> 00:56:47,936
How?

1132
00:56:47,938 --> 00:56:49,405
Oh, I don't know.

1133
00:56:50,540 --> 00:56:51,907
Sneak up on them

1134
00:56:51,909 --> 00:56:54,243
and ruin their hopes
and dreams?

1135
00:56:55,712 --> 00:56:57,513
Like a ghost.

1136
00:56:57,515 --> 00:56:59,114
Heh.

1137
00:57:00,517 --> 00:57:01,850
Heh.

1138
00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:03,919
What was that?
Nothing. I was...

1139
00:57:03,921 --> 00:57:06,355
Get out of my room, dude!
Okay.

1140
00:57:06,357 --> 00:57:07,856
Do you understand...
Do you understand who...

1141
00:57:07,858 --> 00:57:08,924
Don't do that to me.

1142
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:10,359
I'm gonna go.

1143
00:57:11,394 --> 00:57:12,861
This never happened!

1144
00:57:17,233 --> 00:57:18,700
Yeah!
All right.

1145
00:57:18,702 --> 00:57:20,035
Chug time.

1146
00:57:20,037 --> 00:57:21,237
We did it, man!

1147
00:57:21,238 --> 00:57:22,471
Couldn't have done it
without you.

1148
00:57:22,473 --> 00:57:23,972
Dude, nothing
can stop us now.

1149
00:57:23,974 --> 00:57:26,275
Boo. Heh heh heh.

1150
00:57:26,277 --> 00:57:28,043
Can we join the party?

1151
00:57:28,045 --> 00:57:31,213
We weren't expecting
the male strippers
until later.

1152
00:57:31,215 --> 00:57:34,550
That's funny,
because you're stripped
of your ability to walk.

1153
00:57:34,552 --> 00:57:36,452
That is not
a proportional response.

1154
00:57:37,555 --> 00:57:39,154
You got a problem,
Lindsay Brohan?

1155
00:57:39,156 --> 00:57:40,923
No problem at all,
Brosario Dawson.

1156
00:57:40,925 --> 00:57:43,392
We were just looking
for a sausage festival.

1157
00:57:43,394 --> 00:57:44,893
Dick, you should leave.

1158
00:57:44,895 --> 00:57:46,395
You know, Fuller,
my sister

1159
00:57:46,397 --> 00:57:48,297
did always have a thing
for spineless pussies

1160
00:57:48,299 --> 00:57:49,565
who are inadvertently
responsible

1161
00:57:49,567 --> 00:57:50,766
for crippling
their best friend.

1162
00:57:50,768 --> 00:57:52,067
What do you want, Dick?

1163
00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:54,403
I just wanted
to be courteous

1164
00:57:54,405 --> 00:57:56,572
and introduce you
to the newest member
of our team.

1165
00:57:56,574 --> 00:57:58,173
We recruited him
a couple days ago.

1166
00:57:58,175 --> 00:57:59,908
Now, he's a little bit shy,

1167
00:57:59,910 --> 00:58:02,811
so make him
feel welcome, okay?

1168
00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:04,313
Thad!

1169
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:09,785
What is that?

1170
00:58:09,787 --> 00:58:12,254
Looks like a dad-gum horse
from the farm.

1171
00:58:12,256 --> 00:58:13,956
That's Thad "Rufio" Johnson.

1172
00:58:13,958 --> 00:58:16,091
He's the toughest
linebacker
in the NFL, man.

1173
00:58:16,093 --> 00:58:17,759
He's got seven Pro Bowls,

1174
00:58:17,761 --> 00:58:19,261
two Defensive Player
of the Year awards

1175
00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:21,096
And a Super Bowl
with Green Bay.

1176
00:58:21,098 --> 00:58:23,432
He got kicked out
last year for
substance abuse.

1177
00:58:23,434 --> 00:58:26,301
I'm sure you all heard
about the substance-abuse
controversy.

1178
00:58:26,303 --> 00:58:29,137
Well, with a little
spare time on his hands,

1179
00:58:29,139 --> 00:58:31,607
Thad decided to make
his gam-gam happy

1180
00:58:31,609 --> 00:58:32,941
and go back to college.

1181
00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:36,278
I ran into him a couple
of weeks ago on campus,

1182
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:37,946
and we hit it off!

1183
00:58:37,948 --> 00:58:40,449
Turns out he
was looking for an outlet

1184
00:58:40,451 --> 00:58:42,718
for his rampant,
unchecked aggression.

1185
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:46,154
Dude, you can't just recruit
a former NFL superstar to be
on your football team.

1186
00:58:46,156 --> 00:58:49,157
Oh, sure you can.
I know, because
I read the rule book

1187
00:58:49,159 --> 00:58:50,792
like I do
an issue of <i> Maxim.</i>

1188
00:58:50,794 --> 00:58:53,161
Cover to cover
on the elliptical
while watching <i> Entourage.</i>

1189
00:58:53,163 --> 00:58:55,397
And the rules state
that the only qualifications

1190
00:58:55,399 --> 00:58:59,167
to be in the league is
to be a registered student,

1191
00:58:59,169 --> 00:59:01,470
which Thad is.
Right, Thad?

1192
00:59:03,474 --> 00:59:06,542
Oh, speaking of rules,

1193
00:59:06,544 --> 00:59:09,811
this is an official document
from the university.

1194
00:59:09,813 --> 00:59:12,147
Should I read it
aloud, Ace?

1195
00:59:12,149 --> 00:59:14,149
Oh, I think
you should, Dick.

1196
00:59:14,151 --> 00:59:16,852
I think that's a good idea.

1197
00:59:16,854 --> 00:59:20,489
It reads, "Dear
Mr. Grant Rosenfalis..."

1198
00:59:20,491 --> 00:59:21,924
That's you.

1199
00:59:21,926 --> 00:59:23,859
"We regret to inform you

1200
00:59:23,861 --> 00:59:27,162
"that due to your refusal
to pay tuition,

1201
00:59:27,164 --> 00:59:31,400
"you are no longer
a registered student
at this university."

1202
00:59:31,402 --> 00:59:34,970
Oooooh.

1203
00:59:37,607 --> 00:59:38,840
You know
what that means?

1204
00:59:38,842 --> 00:59:41,443
Yeah, it means
I owe Caleb 10 bucks,

1205
00:59:41,445 --> 00:59:43,278
because we made a bet
that you were illiterate.

1206
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,714
Oh, I'm literate,
and I can read,

1207
00:59:45,716 --> 00:59:47,449
and I'm a student,
unlike Grant,

1208
00:59:47,451 --> 00:59:49,418
and since he's
on your official roster

1209
00:59:49,420 --> 00:59:50,886
as a team member,
you're boned.

1210
00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:52,454
I boned you.

1211
00:59:52,922 --> 00:59:55,190
That can't be right.

1212
00:59:55,192 --> 00:59:56,858
It is.

1213
00:59:56,860 --> 00:59:59,795
You either have to
kick him off the team

1214
00:59:59,797 --> 01:00:00,896
or forfeit.

1215
01:00:00,898 --> 01:00:02,030
Grant.

1216
01:00:02,032 --> 01:00:03,565
Let me go.

1217
01:00:03,567 --> 01:00:04,866
Can't you do something?

1218
01:00:04,868 --> 01:00:06,401
Sorry, Fuller.
She's an adult,

1219
01:00:06,403 --> 01:00:07,703
and adults do their jobs,

1220
01:00:07,705 --> 01:00:09,938
even when it
crushes their soul.

1221
01:00:09,940 --> 01:00:12,908
Oh, speaking
of crushing souls,

1222
01:00:12,910 --> 01:00:15,477
bring her in!

1223
01:00:15,479 --> 01:00:17,379
Oh.
Is this the...

1224
01:00:17,381 --> 01:00:19,114
What is my surprise?

1225
01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:21,717
I got...
Oh!

1226
01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:24,219
It's Caleb.

1227
01:00:24,221 --> 01:00:26,922
Caleb is my surprise.

1228
01:00:26,924 --> 01:00:29,424
What a hard surprise.
Yeah.

1229
01:00:29,426 --> 01:00:32,394
Mmm.

1230
01:00:32,396 --> 01:00:35,664
Heh heh. I thought
you were at LSAT class.

1231
01:00:35,666 --> 01:00:37,933
Who's she?
Who am I?

1232
01:00:37,935 --> 01:00:43,505
I'm the girl
who gave him this thing,

1233
01:00:43,507 --> 01:00:44,773
which is...

1234
01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:46,141
Caleb, where's your ring?

1235
01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:47,643
This is a contract
for a wedding chapel

1236
01:00:47,645 --> 01:00:50,746
for one Caleb Fuller
and Vicky Albrects

1237
01:00:50,748 --> 01:00:53,649
on November 30th of this year.

1238
01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:00,956
You're engaged.

1239
01:01:00,958 --> 01:01:02,991
I prefer the term betrothed...
Okay.

1240
01:01:02,993 --> 01:01:04,292
...and, yes,
we are betrothed,

1241
01:01:04,294 --> 01:01:05,827
and I'm sorry.
Who are you?

1242
01:01:06,963 --> 01:01:08,664
Who am I?

1243
01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:12,868
Was I just one last fling
before you go?

1244
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:15,570
No. Meredith...

1245
01:01:19,609 --> 01:01:20,849
No, thanks.

1246
01:01:21,944 --> 01:01:23,578
You are not a man.

1247
01:01:25,381 --> 01:01:27,015
You're a bacterium.

1248
01:01:29,385 --> 01:01:31,319
There's no wedding.

1249
01:01:31,321 --> 01:01:33,955
You're a douche.

1250
01:01:33,957 --> 01:01:35,957
A big douche.

1251
01:01:39,529 --> 01:01:41,229
Yay!

1252
01:01:42,131 --> 01:01:44,232
You've been ghosted.

1253
01:01:44,234 --> 01:01:47,602
Care to say anything ominous
before we leave, Thad?

1254
01:01:48,204 --> 01:01:49,304
Ciao.

1255
01:01:49,306 --> 01:01:50,972
In case you didn't know,

1256
01:01:50,974 --> 01:01:53,475
that's French
for "raising the stakes."

1257
01:01:53,477 --> 01:01:54,543
Uhh!

1258
01:01:56,079 --> 01:01:57,145
Get out of here.

1259
01:01:57,147 --> 01:01:59,047
Go. Go.

1260
01:02:01,684 --> 01:02:03,151
Dick.

1261
01:02:09,726 --> 01:02:12,828
Well, Bill,
one more game left
until the playoffs,

1262
01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:14,429
and the Panthers
are a shoo-in,

1263
01:02:14,431 --> 01:02:17,165
but tonight, they're not
getting any favors

1264
01:02:17,167 --> 01:02:19,568
from the all-female team,
the Maneaters.

1265
01:02:19,570 --> 01:02:22,003
I'm gonna euthanize
your grandma!

1266
01:02:22,005 --> 01:02:23,572
Aah!

1267
01:02:23,574 --> 01:02:25,507
And with no Grant Rosenfalis,

1268
01:02:25,509 --> 01:02:27,589
they're not looking
good out there.

1269
01:02:34,718 --> 01:02:36,017
Focus.

1270
01:02:39,089 --> 01:02:40,422
They're eating men

1271
01:02:40,424 --> 01:02:42,057
and shitting out touchdowns.

1272
01:02:42,059 --> 01:02:43,558
Touchdown Maneaters!

1273
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,728
And I'm getting
more and more turned on
by the second.

1274
01:02:48,565 --> 01:02:51,366
Wow, that does
not look like the same
Panther team.

1275
01:02:51,368 --> 01:02:53,401
Come on, Vinnie!
Get your head
in the game, man.

1276
01:02:53,403 --> 01:02:55,103
You been griping
all season.
Back off, Hank.

1277
01:02:55,105 --> 01:02:57,706
Look, I don't want to lose
to a bunch of chicks.

1278
01:02:57,708 --> 01:02:59,107
Who you calling chicks?

1279
01:02:59,109 --> 01:03:01,610
Okay, sweetheart,
baby-doll,

1280
01:03:01,612 --> 01:03:04,546
the big, strong guys
are gonna have
a conversation now,

1281
01:03:04,548 --> 01:03:08,049
so why don't you just
Brosie Bro'Donnell away?

1282
01:03:08,051 --> 01:03:09,451
Oh!
Oh!

1283
01:03:09,453 --> 01:03:11,453
Whoa!
Oh!

1284
01:03:13,890 --> 01:03:15,724
Did you just punch me
in the face?

1285
01:03:15,726 --> 01:03:17,492
Oh!
Oh!

1286
01:03:17,494 --> 01:03:19,561
Ohh.

1287
01:03:22,332 --> 01:03:26,268
I have done a lot of
terrible things in my life,

1288
01:03:26,270 --> 01:03:30,405
but I am not
gonna punch a girl!

1289
01:03:30,407 --> 01:03:31,506
Hyah!

1290
01:03:31,508 --> 01:03:32,607
Whoa!
Yeah!

1291
01:03:32,609 --> 01:03:33,675
What the hell, man?

1292
01:03:33,677 --> 01:03:35,243
Hey, I said
I wasn't gonna punch.

1293
01:03:35,245 --> 01:03:37,579
Ohh!
Fight!

1294
01:03:37,581 --> 01:03:38,914
No, no, no, no!

1295
01:03:38,916 --> 01:03:39,981
What's happening? Ohh!

1296
01:03:39,983 --> 01:03:41,316
It's
an all-out brawl!

1297
01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:43,919
Oh, you hate to see the game
degraded to this level, Bill.

1298
01:03:57,467 --> 01:03:59,267
Who started this?

1299
01:03:59,269 --> 01:04:00,802
Those girls are
crazy, Officer.
Uh-huh.

1300
01:04:00,804 --> 01:04:02,838
One of 'em threatened
to violate my nana.

1301
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:04,306
Uh-huh.
Sure, she did, son.

1302
01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:06,007
Sure, she did.

1303
01:04:06,009 --> 01:04:07,142
Damn it.

1304
01:04:07,144 --> 01:04:09,177
My dad's gonna
kill me, Hank.

1305
01:04:09,179 --> 01:04:12,147
I never been to jail before.
What are we gonna do?

1306
01:04:12,149 --> 01:04:15,589
You just gotta
establish dominance
as soon as possible.

1307
01:04:15,818 --> 01:04:17,452
Follow my lead.

1308
01:04:23,292 --> 01:04:24,359
What are you
in for, kiddo?

1309
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:26,294
Murder, grandpa bitch.
Yaah!

1310
01:04:26,296 --> 01:04:28,176
Whoa!
Whoa! Hey!

1311
01:04:31,134 --> 01:04:32,500
Okay, I don't
want to fight.

1312
01:04:32,502 --> 01:04:35,370
I got no beef
with anybody.

1313
01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:38,640
Hope you like AIDS,
amigo.

1314
01:04:40,410 --> 01:04:42,477
Why would I like AIDS?

1315
01:04:51,989 --> 01:04:53,421
Panthers...

1316
01:04:53,423 --> 01:04:54,589
You made bail!

1317
01:04:56,159 --> 01:04:57,325
Yo! Yo, yo, yo.

1318
01:04:57,327 --> 01:05:00,362
Hey, you gonna be
all right, Georgie.
You hear me?

1319
01:05:00,364 --> 01:05:01,730
Hang in there,
buddy.

1320
01:05:01,732 --> 01:05:03,098
Caleb?

1321
01:05:04,166 --> 01:05:05,433
Vicky.

1322
01:05:05,435 --> 01:05:07,435
I came
as soon as I heard.

1323
01:05:08,404 --> 01:05:09,671
Have you sustained

1324
01:05:09,673 --> 01:05:11,339
any long-term
psychological damage

1325
01:05:11,341 --> 01:05:12,874
during your time
in the hole?

1326
01:05:12,876 --> 01:05:15,877
No, there's no hole.

1327
01:05:15,879 --> 01:05:18,113
This is a drunk tank.

1328
01:05:18,115 --> 01:05:20,548
Is this
what the DMV is like?

1329
01:05:20,550 --> 01:05:21,917
Okay.

1330
01:05:21,919 --> 01:05:23,184
See? I told you.

1331
01:05:23,186 --> 01:05:24,519
I told you
this would happen.

1332
01:05:24,521 --> 01:05:26,087
I told you
you would skip class

1333
01:05:26,089 --> 01:05:27,355
and then you would
cheat on me

1334
01:05:27,357 --> 01:05:29,024
with someone who looks
like my cousin Maevid

1335
01:05:29,026 --> 01:05:32,861
and that I would
have to bail your
perfect ass out of jail.

1336
01:05:32,863 --> 01:05:36,064
Vicky.
And looky what happened.

1337
01:05:36,066 --> 01:05:37,699
You jeopardized
our future.

1338
01:05:37,701 --> 01:05:39,534
What future?

1339
01:05:39,536 --> 01:05:42,537
I spoke to Father,

1340
01:05:42,539 --> 01:05:45,707
and he thinks that you
deserve another chance.

1341
01:05:45,709 --> 01:05:46,775
Vicky...

1342
01:05:46,777 --> 01:05:48,376
If...
Okay.

1343
01:05:48,378 --> 01:05:51,279
If you cut it out

1344
01:05:51,281 --> 01:05:54,616
with this
intramural football shit,

1345
01:05:54,618 --> 01:05:56,584
because our life together,

1346
01:05:56,586 --> 01:05:59,587
buster,
that ain't no game.

1347
01:05:59,589 --> 01:06:00,889
Caleb.

1348
01:06:00,891 --> 01:06:03,325
Hank, I'm trying to deal
with this right now.

1349
01:06:03,327 --> 01:06:05,493
It's Grant, his trailer.

1350
01:06:05,495 --> 01:06:09,064
Something happened,
and it's bad.

1351
01:06:13,469 --> 01:06:15,103
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.

1352
01:06:15,105 --> 01:06:16,805
No, no, no, no, no.

1353
01:06:18,007 --> 01:06:19,574
He's dead.

1354
01:06:19,576 --> 01:06:22,243
Hey, guys,
need you to stay back.

1355
01:06:22,245 --> 01:06:23,965
This is a restricted area.

1356
01:06:24,647 --> 01:06:25,981
Did he suffer?

1357
01:06:25,983 --> 01:06:27,282
Huh? Oh.

1358
01:06:27,284 --> 01:06:28,750
Absolutely.

1359
01:06:28,752 --> 01:06:31,152
Probably could have
escaped, too, but, uh,

1360
01:06:31,154 --> 01:06:33,188
place wasn't
too wheelchair friendly.

1361
01:06:33,190 --> 01:06:35,857
You know, I'm just
a simple fireman,

1362
01:06:35,859 --> 01:06:38,793
but whoever
inadvertently caused
his paralysis

1363
01:06:38,795 --> 01:06:42,597
is in a way also
partly responsible
for his death.

1364
01:06:42,599 --> 01:06:45,133
But not all bad news.

1365
01:06:45,135 --> 01:06:46,935
I did find these
at the scene.

1366
01:06:46,937 --> 01:06:48,269
Hey, come on, man.

1367
01:06:48,271 --> 01:06:50,805
It's not just a free-for-all.

1368
01:06:50,807 --> 01:06:52,474
They're Grant's aviators.

1369
01:06:52,476 --> 01:06:55,043
They're completely
unscathed.

1370
01:06:55,045 --> 01:06:56,444
So I guess those
are, like, uh,

1371
01:06:56,446 --> 01:06:57,946
pretty symbolic
of your dead friend?

1372
01:06:57,948 --> 01:06:59,414
Would you shut up?

1373
01:07:00,016 --> 01:07:02,317
Sorry. Not my place.

1374
01:07:02,319 --> 01:07:03,818
Grant's dead.

1375
01:07:03,820 --> 01:07:05,353
He's dead.

1376
01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,188
What are we gonna do?

1377
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:09,124
We have to forfeit.

1378
01:07:09,126 --> 01:07:10,458
Are you kidding me?

1379
01:07:10,460 --> 01:07:11,960
How are we supposed
to play tomorrow

1380
01:07:11,962 --> 01:07:13,695
with Grant's death
hanging over our heads?

1381
01:07:13,697 --> 01:07:15,463
This isn't
your fault, Caleb.

1382
01:07:15,465 --> 01:07:17,532
I didn't say
it was my fault.

1383
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:19,534
Found the source
of the fire. Ha ha!

1384
01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:21,803
It's an old
laser-disc player.

1385
01:07:21,805 --> 01:07:25,473
Looks like he had a copy
of the original <i> Rocky</i>
in it, too.

1386
01:07:25,475 --> 01:07:27,842
Ha. Great flick.
Heh heh.

1387
01:07:27,844 --> 01:07:30,645
"Yo, Adrian!"

1388
01:07:30,647 --> 01:07:35,050
Look, you guys
got one more week
before the playoffs,

1389
01:07:35,052 --> 01:07:38,486
but you're gonna have
to find another man,
because I quit.

1390
01:07:38,488 --> 01:07:40,655
Oh, no. No,
you can't quit,
all right?

1391
01:07:40,657 --> 01:07:41,823
I mean, we need you.

1392
01:07:41,825 --> 01:07:44,225
No, you don't.

1393
01:07:44,227 --> 01:07:46,227
Come on, guys.
Let's go.

1394
01:07:46,229 --> 01:07:48,530
Let's let
the king of the babies

1395
01:07:48,532 --> 01:07:51,433
give a speech
to his baby servants.

1396
01:07:51,435 --> 01:07:53,468
"Wah wah," speech.

1397
01:08:01,110 --> 01:08:05,113
You know, there's
a really scenic lake
about a mile up the way.

1398
01:08:05,115 --> 01:08:08,349
Could be a good place
for you to somberly reflect

1399
01:08:08,351 --> 01:08:10,919
on your friend's life
and tragic death.

1400
01:08:14,623 --> 01:08:16,791
I'll leave you to grieve.

1401
01:08:28,737 --> 01:08:31,039
Why'd you have
to leave me, Grant?

1402
01:09:22,592 --> 01:09:25,326
Hey, nice job,
Copperfail!

1403
01:09:44,781 --> 01:09:47,949
Hey, you got that right.

1404
01:10:12,074 --> 01:10:16,144
Today, you are
taking the Law School
Admissions Test.

1405
01:10:16,146 --> 01:10:18,413
You will have four hours.

1406
01:10:18,415 --> 01:10:19,814
Please begin.

1407
01:10:25,755 --> 01:10:30,158
Um, okay, uh,
outside, everyone.

1408
01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:31,259
Leave the tests.

1409
01:10:31,261 --> 01:10:34,696
We should be able
to clear this up pretty soon.

1410
01:10:42,504 --> 01:10:44,939
Psst!

1411
01:10:44,941 --> 01:10:46,241
Psst!

1412
01:10:47,743 --> 01:10:48,977
Hank?

1413
01:10:52,214 --> 01:10:53,448
What are you doing here?

1414
01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:55,583
I pulled the fire alarm.

1415
01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:57,352
What?
Shut up, man.

1416
01:10:57,354 --> 01:10:59,287
Come on.
Why would you do that?

1417
01:10:59,289 --> 01:11:01,022
I had to, man.
Why?

1418
01:11:01,024 --> 01:11:03,858
Because you
can't do this, Caleb.

1419
01:11:03,860 --> 01:11:05,426
Hank, you and I
live together.

1420
01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:07,195
Why don't you
just talk to me then?

1421
01:11:07,197 --> 01:11:08,396
Because I'm a dick,

1422
01:11:08,398 --> 01:11:09,864
I'm totally out of control,

1423
01:11:09,866 --> 01:11:12,200
I'm rude, I say
awful things about people,

1424
01:11:12,202 --> 01:11:13,968
but you've always
been cool to me, man.

1425
01:11:13,970 --> 01:11:15,970
Hank, I appreciate
you coming down here
to say that, but...

1426
01:11:15,972 --> 01:11:17,639
Shut up!
I'm in the middle
of something.

1427
01:11:17,641 --> 01:11:20,875
Ah! There I go
being a dick again.
Okay.

1428
01:11:20,877 --> 01:11:23,311
Caleb, you have
to come back.

1429
01:11:23,313 --> 01:11:25,446
No, I can't.

1430
01:11:25,448 --> 01:11:28,216
Man, this team
is like the closest

1431
01:11:28,218 --> 01:11:30,318
I've ever been
to having real friends,

1432
01:11:30,320 --> 01:11:34,389
'cause you've given me a place
that I didn't have before,

1433
01:11:34,391 --> 01:11:36,124
a place that I belong.

1434
01:11:36,126 --> 01:11:37,892
These moments

1435
01:11:37,894 --> 01:11:40,895
are the most precious gifts
we've been given,

1436
01:11:40,897 --> 01:11:44,966
the most sacred, and if
we turn our back on them,

1437
01:11:47,403 --> 01:11:51,072
that is when we
truly have nothing.

1438
01:11:51,074 --> 01:11:53,474
Is that a line from
<i>The Sisterhood</i>
<i>of the Traveling Pants?</i>

1439
01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:55,576
Shut up!
It's a great movie, man!

1440
01:11:55,578 --> 01:11:57,078
That's...
Awesome,

1441
01:11:57,080 --> 01:12:00,248
and that chick
from <i> Gilmore Girls</i>
is hot as hell, man,

1442
01:12:00,250 --> 01:12:01,582
and it's not because
she looks like a child.

1443
01:12:01,584 --> 01:12:03,318
It's not a good movie.

1444
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:04,919
Okay, the point is,
after college,

1445
01:12:04,921 --> 01:12:06,821
you got your whole life
figured out.

1446
01:12:07,589 --> 01:12:09,424
This is all I have.

1447
01:12:11,594 --> 01:12:13,428
Uh, I gotta go.

1448
01:12:13,430 --> 01:12:15,129
Did you start
a real fire?

1449
01:12:15,131 --> 01:12:16,531
What? No,
it's not important.

1450
01:12:16,533 --> 01:12:18,599
Just be at the field
at 7:00 p.m. tonight.

1451
01:12:18,601 --> 01:12:20,635
Vicky and I
have the wedding
shower tonight.

1452
01:12:20,637 --> 01:12:23,604
Dude, you don't
want to marry her.

1453
01:12:23,606 --> 01:12:24,972
There you go
being a dick again.

1454
01:12:24,974 --> 01:12:26,107
No, man,

1455
01:12:26,109 --> 01:12:27,809
that's me being a friend.

1456
01:12:27,811 --> 01:12:29,177
Yeah, I've got him.

1457
01:12:29,179 --> 01:12:31,012
Ohh!
That's me being a dick.

1458
01:12:31,014 --> 01:12:32,447
Oh, my God.

1459
01:12:32,449 --> 01:12:34,882
Hey! Get back here!

1460
01:12:34,884 --> 01:12:37,852
Why would you do that?

1461
01:12:37,854 --> 01:12:40,621
Sorry for
the false alarm, gang.

1462
01:12:40,623 --> 01:12:43,124
Please begin your tests.

1463
01:12:51,567 --> 01:12:53,234
Oh, my G.

1464
01:12:53,236 --> 01:12:56,304
Daddy. Is this
a diamond-encrusted
serving tray?

1465
01:12:56,306 --> 01:13:00,308
Not only that,
check the certificate
of authentication.

1466
01:13:00,310 --> 01:13:02,243
Ahh! You guys,

1467
01:13:02,245 --> 01:13:04,746
it's made with certified
blood diamonds.

1468
01:13:05,815 --> 01:13:07,648
I love blood diamonds.

1469
01:13:07,650 --> 01:13:09,150
That's not all.

1470
01:13:09,152 --> 01:13:12,086
Caleb, a spot just
opened up at our firm.

1471
01:13:12,088 --> 01:13:15,823
I had to fire two janitors
and a secretary to do it,

1472
01:13:15,825 --> 01:13:17,925
but it's yours
as soon as you graduate.

1473
01:13:17,927 --> 01:13:21,162
Thank you
so, so much.
Wooow.

1474
01:13:21,164 --> 01:13:25,333
Wow, wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow.
All right.

1475
01:13:25,335 --> 01:13:26,734
Oh, Daddy.

1476
01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:30,171
My God,
what an occasion this is.

1477
01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:33,241
Okay, why don't we all
go to the veranda

1478
01:13:33,243 --> 01:13:35,910
for some champagne
and tofu tiramisu?

1479
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:38,413
Actually, it seems
as though there's
one more present.

1480
01:13:38,415 --> 01:13:40,581
Ooh, a mystery gift.

1481
01:13:42,851 --> 01:13:44,685
Plastic glasses.

1482
01:13:44,687 --> 01:13:46,287
That's dumb.

1483
01:13:46,289 --> 01:13:48,089
Who got me this?

1484
01:13:48,091 --> 01:13:49,257
Lame.

1485
01:13:49,259 --> 01:13:51,592
Okay, to the veranda we go.

1486
01:13:54,897 --> 01:13:56,297
No.

1487
01:13:56,299 --> 01:13:57,765
What do you mean "no"?

1488
01:13:57,767 --> 01:13:59,267
Listen, everyone,
thank you so much

1489
01:13:59,269 --> 01:14:03,871
for all the gifts,
but, um, I can't.

1490
01:14:03,873 --> 01:14:05,039
You can't what?

1491
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:07,308
I have a game to get to.

1492
01:14:07,310 --> 01:14:10,978
I thought you were done with
your intramural footballing.

1493
01:14:10,980 --> 01:14:12,780
I'm sorry.

1494
01:14:12,782 --> 01:14:15,383
I am just not ready.

1495
01:14:15,385 --> 01:14:16,617
It goes without saying

1496
01:14:16,619 --> 01:14:19,454
the job offer goes away
if you do this.

1497
01:14:19,456 --> 01:14:21,889
Yes, sir. Thank you,

1498
01:14:21,891 --> 01:14:26,127
but, uh, I think
I'd rather not know
my future right now.

1499
01:14:28,797 --> 01:14:29,997
Caleb.

1500
01:14:29,999 --> 01:14:32,567
Caleb, don't go.

1501
01:14:32,569 --> 01:14:34,802
Caleb,
I'm pregnant!

1502
01:14:37,739 --> 01:14:39,240
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.

1503
01:14:39,242 --> 01:14:41,476
Oh, honey,
don't make this weirder.

1504
01:14:41,478 --> 01:14:42,777
That usually works.

1505
01:14:43,913 --> 01:14:46,280
Five minutes
to game time,
Prancers.

1506
01:14:46,282 --> 01:14:47,415
It's Panthers.

1507
01:14:47,417 --> 01:14:49,083
I do not care.

1508
01:14:49,085 --> 01:14:50,251
I don't think
he's gonna show.

1509
01:14:50,253 --> 01:14:52,753
Well, maybe
we don't need him.

1510
01:14:52,755 --> 01:14:54,288
I wish Grant was here.

1511
01:14:54,290 --> 01:14:56,657
Grant is here.

1512
01:14:59,027 --> 01:15:01,963
He's all around us.

1513
01:15:01,965 --> 01:15:03,297
Caleb.

1514
01:15:03,299 --> 01:15:05,633
Just in time, huh?

1515
01:15:05,635 --> 01:15:07,668
What's up, brother?
Real dramatic.

1516
01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:09,770
Are you ready for this?

1517
01:15:09,772 --> 01:15:10,972
Almost.

1518
01:15:10,974 --> 01:15:13,741
Gotta go take care
of one last thing.

1519
01:15:14,643 --> 01:15:16,344
What?

1520
01:15:17,946 --> 01:15:21,048
He just pumped us up
and then left?

1521
01:15:21,050 --> 01:15:23,450
That's pretty
badass, though.

1522
01:15:27,856 --> 01:15:29,590
Hey, Meredith.

1523
01:15:30,292 --> 01:15:32,126
I'm not talking to you.

1524
01:15:32,128 --> 01:15:34,896
Okay, that's fair.

1525
01:15:34,898 --> 01:15:36,297
You don't
have to say anything.

1526
01:15:36,299 --> 01:15:38,366
I just want you to know
that I'm really sorry

1527
01:15:38,368 --> 01:15:40,034
I didn't tell you
I was engaged.

1528
01:15:40,036 --> 01:15:41,502
That's awful.

1529
01:15:41,504 --> 01:15:43,905
I'm sorry.

1530
01:15:43,907 --> 01:15:46,007
That was a difficult situation,

1531
01:15:46,009 --> 01:15:49,644
and I want you to know
it's over now, all right?

1532
01:15:49,646 --> 01:15:50,711
That's great.

1533
01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:55,383
Look, I got you
something, okay?

1534
01:16:01,890 --> 01:16:04,825
Is that the homeless
guy's teeth?

1535
01:16:04,827 --> 01:16:06,394
Yeah.

1536
01:16:06,396 --> 01:16:09,096
How'd you get this?

1537
01:16:09,098 --> 01:16:11,365
Ten bucks for his teeth.

1538
01:16:11,367 --> 01:16:12,433
Five.

1539
01:16:12,435 --> 01:16:14,936
Okay.

1540
01:16:14,938 --> 01:16:16,070
And here you are, good sir.

1541
01:16:16,072 --> 01:16:17,371
We prefer direct deposit.

1542
01:16:17,373 --> 01:16:19,840
Like in your butt?

1543
01:16:19,842 --> 01:16:22,009
No, you freaking weirdo.

1544
01:16:22,011 --> 01:16:24,178
Just give me your email.
I'll invoice you.

1545
01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:25,446
He had
an email address?

1546
01:16:25,448 --> 01:16:26,681
I know. Right?

1547
01:16:26,683 --> 01:16:28,449
How insane is that?

1548
01:16:30,018 --> 01:16:33,287
Look, I know
I don't deserve it,

1549
01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:38,125
but can you
just give me another shot

1550
01:16:38,127 --> 01:16:40,094
to try to win you back?

1551
01:16:40,096 --> 01:16:42,597
And how do you plan
on doing that?

1552
01:16:45,233 --> 01:16:46,601
You'll see.

1553
01:16:50,138 --> 01:16:51,539
I don't know
about you, Dan,

1554
01:16:51,541 --> 01:16:52,773
but other than
fair-trade hummus,

1555
01:16:52,775 --> 01:16:54,041
there's nothing in this life

1556
01:16:54,043 --> 01:16:56,444
I love more than
intramural playoffs.

1557
01:16:56,446 --> 01:16:58,879
Whole Foods and Japanese
hookers for me.

1558
01:17:04,286 --> 01:17:06,621
<i>Caleb Fuller
with the interception.</i>

1559
01:17:08,490 --> 01:17:12,727
<i>Thad "Rufio" Johnson
is a juggernaut.</i>

1560
01:17:16,231 --> 01:17:18,591
<i>Double hit,
both men down.</i>

1561
01:17:19,501 --> 01:17:23,237
<i>Caleb Fuller has
the eye of the tiger.</i>

1562
01:17:37,085 --> 01:17:40,655
Welcome to
the pregame intramural
championship show,

1563
01:17:40,657 --> 01:17:42,023
Panthers versus Titans.

1564
01:17:42,025 --> 01:17:43,257
With me always is Bill.

1565
01:17:43,259 --> 01:17:45,526
Bill, the Titans have been
on a tear lately

1566
01:17:45,528 --> 01:17:49,764
with pick-up
of former NFL all-star
Thad "Rufio" Johnson.

1567
01:17:49,766 --> 01:17:52,633
Do you think
that the Panthers
can stop him tonight?

1568
01:17:52,635 --> 01:17:53,768
Highly unlikely, Dan.

1569
01:17:53,770 --> 01:17:55,269
You see, had he
not been kicked out,

1570
01:17:55,271 --> 01:17:57,271
it's likely that Johnson
would have been looking

1571
01:17:57,273 --> 01:17:59,106
<i>at another three years
of NFL dominance.</i>

1572
01:17:59,108 --> 01:18:01,442
Ah, so you're saying
it's a hopeless case?

1573
01:18:01,444 --> 01:18:02,643
Well, according
to my stepdad,

1574
01:18:02,645 --> 01:18:05,646
the only hopeless cases
are pussy liberals
and me.

1575
01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:10,051
He's a mean bastard,
and I don't understand
how Cheryl can stand him.

1576
01:18:10,053 --> 01:18:11,619
My mom's a saint,
but if the Panthers

1577
01:18:11,621 --> 01:18:13,454
have taught us anything
this season,

1578
01:18:13,456 --> 01:18:16,057
<i>it's that
anything is possible.</i>

1579
01:18:16,059 --> 01:18:19,794
All right, men,
I got a few words.

1580
01:18:19,796 --> 01:18:23,164
It's speech time,
douche bags.

1581
01:18:23,166 --> 01:18:25,800
The last few months
have been the best
of my life,

1582
01:18:25,802 --> 01:18:30,671
and this team,
you guys have meant
the world to me.

1583
01:18:30,673 --> 01:18:32,006
The majority of you,

1584
01:18:32,008 --> 01:18:35,242
I strongly dislike.

1585
01:18:35,244 --> 01:18:38,045
Chance, you have become

1586
01:18:38,047 --> 01:18:41,315
one of
the best receivers
I've ever seen.

1587
01:18:41,317 --> 01:18:43,651
Randy,
if you drop one pass,

1588
01:18:43,653 --> 01:18:47,154
I swear to God I will
burn your grandmother's
condo down.

1589
01:18:47,156 --> 01:18:50,825
Vinnie, I've never
seen a quarterback find
the open man like you.

1590
01:18:50,827 --> 01:18:56,163
Ace, your girlfriend
is cheating on you with me.

1591
01:18:56,165 --> 01:18:58,432
She's ugly.

1592
01:18:58,434 --> 01:19:04,205
Hank, you are the single
most intense player
I've ever seen.

1593
01:19:04,207 --> 01:19:06,841
That's very kind
of you to say.

1594
01:19:06,843 --> 01:19:08,709
Rufio!

1595
01:19:08,711 --> 01:19:11,712
In all honesty,
you terrify me,
so you're cool.

1596
01:19:11,714 --> 01:19:14,615
Jimmy, you are
a beast on the field,

1597
01:19:14,617 --> 01:19:18,853
and you have
the voice of Gabriel.

1598
01:19:18,855 --> 01:19:21,055
Donnie, your body
is a wonderland,

1599
01:19:21,057 --> 01:19:22,189
and I hate you for it.

1600
01:19:22,191 --> 01:19:23,557
George,

1601
01:19:23,559 --> 01:19:25,593
you have had
quite a rough go of it,

1602
01:19:25,595 --> 01:19:28,129
to say the least,
and your commitment
to this team,

1603
01:19:28,131 --> 01:19:30,698
while misplaced
priority-wise,

1604
01:19:30,700 --> 01:19:32,700
inspires me to get out
of bed in the morning.

1605
01:19:32,702 --> 01:19:36,637
I don't know your name,
and I never will.

1606
01:19:36,639 --> 01:19:39,640
Your dad,
your grandmother,

1607
01:19:39,642 --> 01:19:42,042
your future employer,

1608
01:19:42,044 --> 01:19:44,545
they may think
this is stupid,

1609
01:19:44,547 --> 01:19:47,882
that it doesn't
mean anything,

1610
01:19:47,884 --> 01:19:49,650
but 30 years from now,

1611
01:19:49,652 --> 01:19:53,220
these are
the moments that we
will look back on.

1612
01:19:53,222 --> 01:19:57,291
If we lose, I never
want to see any of you
ever again.

1613
01:19:57,293 --> 01:19:58,826
Screw the memories.

1614
01:19:58,828 --> 01:20:00,461
Winning is not everything.

1615
01:20:00,463 --> 01:20:03,397
Winning is everything.

1616
01:20:03,399 --> 01:20:04,565
I love you guys.

1617
01:20:04,567 --> 01:20:06,167
I'm dead inside!

1618
01:20:06,169 --> 01:20:07,568
Ha ha!

1619
01:20:07,570 --> 01:20:10,638
Let's take a moment
of silence for Grant.

1620
01:20:36,598 --> 01:20:37,698
All right,

1621
01:20:37,700 --> 01:20:39,867
let's go out there
and play some football!

1622
01:20:39,869 --> 01:20:40,935
Yeah!
Yep!

1623
01:21:08,898 --> 01:21:11,065
This is it, Bill,
the final dance,

1624
01:21:11,067 --> 01:21:12,466
the big hoorah,

1625
01:21:12,468 --> 01:21:14,969
the game that discerns
the winners from the losers,

1626
01:21:14,971 --> 01:21:16,337
the wheat from the chaff,

1627
01:21:16,339 --> 01:21:18,973
the lingering
tongue-kiss butt fondle

1628
01:21:18,975 --> 01:21:20,474
from the fake
phone-number handshake,

1629
01:21:20,476 --> 01:21:22,543
and I don't
think I'm making
an overstatement

1630
01:21:22,545 --> 01:21:25,346
when I say this
is the single
most important moment

1631
01:21:25,348 --> 01:21:27,581
in the history
of athletics.
What say you, Bill?

1632
01:21:27,583 --> 01:21:30,217
Well, Dan,
I think you said it all
in your raving diatribe,

1633
01:21:30,219 --> 01:21:32,486
but I'm gonna
add one more
small point if I may.

1634
01:21:32,488 --> 01:21:35,222
Are you ready
for some football?

1635
01:21:41,096 --> 01:21:42,496
Steamroller!

1636
01:21:46,935 --> 01:21:48,002
Fumble!

1637
01:21:48,004 --> 01:21:50,905
Thad "Rufio" Johnson
recovers.

1638
01:21:50,907 --> 01:21:52,039
Touchdown Titans.

1639
01:21:52,041 --> 01:21:55,009
Unbelievable.

1640
01:21:55,011 --> 01:21:56,343
Hey, Fuller,

1641
01:21:56,345 --> 01:21:59,013
I'm glad Grant's dead.

1642
01:22:02,684 --> 01:22:03,884
Yeah!

1643
01:22:19,869 --> 01:22:21,869
Yeah!
Oh, come on, ref!

1644
01:22:21,871 --> 01:22:24,238
And we're only
five plays into this game,

1645
01:22:24,240 --> 01:22:26,273
and already
it's a bloodbath.

1646
01:22:26,275 --> 01:22:29,235
And there is
so much more time left
in this half.

1647
01:22:47,162 --> 01:22:49,229
Glory be to Dick!
Yeah.

1648
01:22:49,231 --> 01:22:51,165
Oh, glory!

1649
01:22:51,167 --> 01:22:52,800
Wow, I don't know
what happened,

1650
01:22:52,802 --> 01:22:55,069
but the rest
of that half went by
much, much faster.

1651
01:22:55,071 --> 01:22:56,904
But still equally as intense.

1652
01:22:56,906 --> 01:22:59,139
You know, Dan, I don't
know what happened
to this Panther team,

1653
01:22:59,141 --> 01:23:01,308
but they are gonna need
a serious miracle.

1654
01:23:01,310 --> 01:23:02,977
That or an act of God.

1655
01:23:02,979 --> 01:23:05,179
That's what
a miracle is, Dan.

1656
01:23:12,420 --> 01:23:14,822
What do I do, Grant?

1657
01:23:18,693 --> 01:23:20,227
What do I do?

1658
01:23:21,129 --> 01:23:23,030
Stop talking
to your sunglasses,

1659
01:23:23,032 --> 01:23:25,472
and start playing
football better.

1660
01:23:28,603 --> 01:23:29,803
Grant?

1661
01:23:32,108 --> 01:23:34,108
Are you a ghost?

1662
01:23:34,110 --> 01:23:36,477
I thought you were dead.

1663
01:23:37,980 --> 01:23:40,781
Well, you thought wrong,
thinky.

1664
01:23:40,783 --> 01:23:41,882
But...

1665
01:23:41,884 --> 01:23:44,385
Your trailer and the...
Your glasses?

1666
01:23:44,387 --> 01:23:46,954
Do I really
have to explain this
to you?

1667
01:23:46,956 --> 01:23:50,691
Yes, yes, you really
have to explain this to me.

1668
01:23:50,693 --> 01:23:53,460
The primary
turning point
in all sports movies

1669
01:23:53,462 --> 01:23:55,195
usually involves
the untimely death

1670
01:23:55,197 --> 01:23:57,531
or paralysis
of a key character,

1671
01:23:57,533 --> 01:24:00,601
quite often the coach/mentor.

1672
01:24:01,803 --> 01:24:03,370
I faked it.

1673
01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:04,471
What? Why...

1674
01:24:04,473 --> 01:24:05,739
Why would you fake
your death?

1675
01:24:05,741 --> 01:24:07,808
Because that's
how it's done.

1676
01:24:07,810 --> 01:24:09,510
That's not how it's done.
What are you talking about?

1677
01:24:09,512 --> 01:24:11,145
What reference point is that?

1678
01:24:11,147 --> 01:24:12,746
You don't have
to fake your death

1679
01:24:12,748 --> 01:24:15,182
for your intramural
football team to win.

1680
01:24:15,184 --> 01:24:16,817
This isn't about winning.

1681
01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:21,255
This is about
winning at the last
possible second

1682
01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:23,490
when the chips are down

1683
01:24:23,492 --> 01:24:26,326
and you're holding
a real hard hand

1684
01:24:26,328 --> 01:24:30,264
with a fistful
of fate's fun-bags

1685
01:24:30,266 --> 01:24:33,033
and you know
that if you squeeze
tight enough,

1686
01:24:33,035 --> 01:24:37,504
you'll get to slurp
down on that sweet,
sweet glory milk.

1687
01:24:37,506 --> 01:24:41,008
And when
you win like that,

1688
01:24:41,409 --> 01:24:43,777
it changes you.

1689
01:24:43,779 --> 01:24:45,279
So how do we do that?

1690
01:24:45,281 --> 01:24:47,014
Because we are getting
slaughtered out there.

1691
01:24:47,016 --> 01:24:50,484
You gotta crap
on the ceiling.

1692
01:24:51,619 --> 01:24:53,320
That's impossible.

1693
01:24:54,456 --> 01:24:56,857
When you got a team
beneath you,

1694
01:24:56,859 --> 01:24:59,293
anything's possible.

1695
01:25:05,301 --> 01:25:07,935
Grant said this would work!

1696
01:25:07,937 --> 01:25:09,303
Come on, push, Caleb!

1697
01:25:09,305 --> 01:25:11,872
Oh! Got... Got some
in my eye. That's fine.

1698
01:25:11,874 --> 01:25:12,973
No, I got it!

1699
01:25:12,975 --> 01:25:15,042
We got it.
It's okay.

1700
01:25:16,212 --> 01:25:17,644
Yeah.

1701
01:25:17,646 --> 01:25:19,713
Oh.

1702
01:25:19,715 --> 01:25:22,783
That is definitely a metaphor.

1703
01:25:22,785 --> 01:25:25,319
Oh, this is it
for the Panthers.

1704
01:25:25,321 --> 01:25:26,553
Two quarters to come back

1705
01:25:26,555 --> 01:25:29,389
from an almost impossible
23-point deficit.

1706
01:25:29,391 --> 01:25:30,557
Real shame.

1707
01:25:30,559 --> 01:25:31,592
Chance.

1708
01:25:31,594 --> 01:25:33,260
Dad?

1709
01:25:33,262 --> 01:25:35,762
Eh, what are you
doing here?

1710
01:25:35,764 --> 01:25:38,932
I've come to tell you
to stop this foolishness,

1711
01:25:38,934 --> 01:25:42,436
wearing the eye makeup,
doing the magic,

1712
01:25:42,438 --> 01:25:46,006
playing football
with all these buffoons.

1713
01:25:46,008 --> 01:25:47,341
They're not buffoons.

1714
01:25:47,343 --> 01:25:48,909
They're my friends.

1715
01:25:48,911 --> 01:25:51,945
The application
for medical school
is due tomorrow.

1716
01:25:51,947 --> 01:25:53,080
I filled it in.

1717
01:25:53,082 --> 01:25:56,517
All you have to do
is sign it.

1718
01:25:58,453 --> 01:26:02,422
Come on, Son.
Think about your dreams.

1719
01:26:04,926 --> 01:26:09,196
No, Dad, your dreams.

1720
01:26:21,176 --> 01:26:22,976
Hey, guys,

1721
01:26:22,978 --> 01:26:24,845
you know who this is for?

1722
01:26:25,947 --> 01:26:27,481
It's for Grant.

1723
01:26:33,154 --> 01:26:36,456
And the Titans receive
the ball at the start
of the second half.

1724
01:26:36,458 --> 01:26:38,959
Oh, the clothesline!

1725
01:26:38,961 --> 01:26:41,295
WWE at its finest.

1726
01:26:43,232 --> 01:26:44,331
Right there.
Get your man.

1727
01:26:44,333 --> 01:26:45,465
Cover one.

1728
01:26:45,467 --> 01:26:47,801
Red 42. Red 42.

1729
01:26:47,803 --> 01:26:48,869
Hut! Hut!

1730
01:26:50,205 --> 01:26:53,974
Oh! Unbelievable pick
by Fuller.

1731
01:26:53,976 --> 01:26:56,376
And the Panthers
are on the board.

1732
01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:57,844
Yes! Whew!

1733
01:27:28,777 --> 01:27:30,377
Whoo!

1734
01:27:31,447 --> 01:27:32,879
Unbelievable.

1735
01:27:32,881 --> 01:27:36,016
I've never seen
a second-half
turnaround like this.

1736
01:27:36,018 --> 01:27:38,719
I can't remember
ever seeing anything
like this,

1737
01:27:38,721 --> 01:27:40,721
but then again,
I don't remember
anything.

1738
01:27:40,723 --> 01:27:43,043
I have the disease
from <i> Memento.</i>

1739
01:27:49,198 --> 01:27:50,797
Down!

1740
01:27:50,799 --> 01:27:51,965
Set!

1741
01:28:03,712 --> 01:28:05,612
Good play, guys.
Congratulations.

1742
01:28:05,614 --> 01:28:07,648
And with 40 seconds left,

1743
01:28:07,650 --> 01:28:09,716
the Titans have extended
their lead to nine.

1744
01:28:09,718 --> 01:28:12,319
The Panthers are
gonna have to create
some kind of miracle.

1745
01:28:12,321 --> 01:28:14,721
What do we
do now, Caleb?

1746
01:28:15,423 --> 01:28:16,723
Caleb?

1747
01:28:18,559 --> 01:28:20,827
Hello?

1748
01:28:20,829 --> 01:28:22,129
Caleb?

1749
01:28:22,997 --> 01:28:24,131
Caleb!

1750
01:28:25,633 --> 01:28:27,301
What do we do?

1751
01:28:30,571 --> 01:28:32,306
We win the game.

1752
01:28:41,949 --> 01:28:44,284
Another kick.
It's a high one.

1753
01:28:44,286 --> 01:28:46,653
Caleb Fuller receives.
A lateral!

1754
01:28:46,655 --> 01:28:49,423
Another lateral
to the mustache.

1755
01:28:49,425 --> 01:28:52,526
It's like a young,
skinny Burt Reynolds.

1756
01:28:52,528 --> 01:28:54,494
Touchdown Panthers!

1757
01:28:58,334 --> 01:28:59,599
Whoop whoop.

1758
01:29:02,437 --> 01:29:03,970
I don't believe it.

1759
01:29:03,972 --> 01:29:06,606
Just like that,
the Panthers are
back in it.

1760
01:29:06,608 --> 01:29:08,875
Down by two with
just 35 seconds left.

1761
01:29:08,877 --> 01:29:10,944
If the Panthers have
any hope of scoring again,

1762
01:29:10,946 --> 01:29:15,248
they're gonna
have to execute
a perfect onside kick.

1763
01:29:19,221 --> 01:29:21,355
Do not screw this up!

1764
01:29:41,477 --> 01:29:43,944
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

1765
01:29:45,880 --> 01:29:47,247
Whew.

1766
01:29:47,249 --> 01:29:48,982
And that's
the nail in the coffin

1767
01:29:48,984 --> 01:29:50,984
if I've ever smoked one.

1768
01:29:50,986 --> 01:29:53,320
And with 22 seconds left,

1769
01:29:53,322 --> 01:29:55,689
all the Titans have to do
is hold on to the ball

1770
01:29:55,691 --> 01:29:56,923
and watch
the clock run out.

1771
01:29:56,925 --> 01:29:58,592
But it should be noted
that in intramurals,

1772
01:29:58,594 --> 01:29:59,726
there is no taking a knee.

1773
01:29:59,728 --> 01:30:00,994
The Titans
have to run a play

1774
01:30:00,996 --> 01:30:02,062
for the clock to expire.

1775
01:30:02,064 --> 01:30:03,597
True,
but all they have to do

1776
01:30:03,599 --> 01:30:05,098
is give the ball
to Rufio.

1777
01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:08,101
And what started out
as a beautiful
Cinderella story

1778
01:30:08,103 --> 01:30:12,606
is rapidly turning into
a horrifying snuff film
for the Panthers.

1779
01:30:12,608 --> 01:30:14,574
Just forget
about it, Caleb.

1780
01:30:14,576 --> 01:30:16,676
We gave it
a good run, right?

1781
01:30:16,678 --> 01:30:18,678
Yeah, I'm happy
to have played
with you guys.

1782
01:30:18,680 --> 01:30:21,515
Yeah.
It's all been worth it.

1783
01:30:21,517 --> 01:30:24,284
I want to try
something crazy.

1784
01:30:24,286 --> 01:30:25,919
They're just
gonna hand the ball
to Rufio.

1785
01:30:25,921 --> 01:30:28,221
That thing's unstoppable.

1786
01:30:28,223 --> 01:30:29,356
You're right.

1787
01:30:29,358 --> 01:30:31,224
We can't stop him,

1788
01:30:31,226 --> 01:30:32,926
but Jimmy can.

1789
01:30:33,961 --> 01:30:35,629
Now, you said
he reminds you

1790
01:30:35,631 --> 01:30:37,364
of a horse on your farm?

1791
01:30:40,701 --> 01:30:42,202
Break.
Break.

1792
01:30:46,741 --> 01:30:48,775
Yo, this is crazy.

1793
01:30:48,777 --> 01:30:51,711
Crazy enough that
it just might work.

1794
01:30:51,713 --> 01:30:53,747
Down! Hey, guys,

1795
01:30:53,749 --> 01:30:56,082
it's been a pleasure
kicking your ass.

1796
01:30:57,286 --> 01:30:58,652
Set.

1797
01:30:58,654 --> 01:30:59,719
Hut.

1798
01:31:26,581 --> 01:31:28,482
Thad, what are
you doing?

1799
01:31:28,484 --> 01:31:33,420
Oh, and the Panthers
get the ball with time
for just one more play.

1800
01:31:33,422 --> 01:31:34,454
Unh!

1801
01:31:37,926 --> 01:31:39,526
Yeah, Panthers!

1802
01:31:39,528 --> 01:31:42,128
What the hell
was that, Thad?

1803
01:31:42,130 --> 01:31:44,097
The voice...

1804
01:31:44,099 --> 01:31:46,766
It just took over.

1805
01:31:46,768 --> 01:31:49,703
What are you talking about,
you goddamn ogre?

1806
01:31:49,705 --> 01:31:52,272
I got some thinking to do.

1807
01:31:52,274 --> 01:31:53,607
What?

1808
01:31:53,609 --> 01:31:54,774
No... Oh.

1809
01:31:54,776 --> 01:31:58,612
Oh, what are
you talking about?

1810
01:31:58,614 --> 01:32:00,280
You don't think.

1811
01:32:00,282 --> 01:32:03,116
Where are you going?

1812
01:32:03,118 --> 01:32:05,385
Thad!

1813
01:32:05,387 --> 01:32:07,387
Thad!

1814
01:32:07,389 --> 01:32:09,956
Thad!

1815
01:32:09,958 --> 01:32:12,792
That's what I'm
talking about.
Yes.

1816
01:32:12,794 --> 01:32:14,394
Jimmy, that was beautiful.
Okay. Here we go.

1817
01:32:14,396 --> 01:32:16,863
We are going Triple Z.

1818
01:32:16,865 --> 01:32:19,366
No. The safeties
are gonna see that
coming, okay?

1819
01:32:19,368 --> 01:32:20,901
We run the Triple Z,

1820
01:32:20,903 --> 01:32:23,570
but with a slight
alteration, all right?

1821
01:32:23,572 --> 01:32:26,806
Chance, we're gonna
need something crazy
out of you, bud.

1822
01:32:26,808 --> 01:32:28,141
Crazy enough that it
just might work.

1823
01:32:28,143 --> 01:32:29,843
Please stop saying that.

1824
01:32:29,845 --> 01:32:31,811
Right. Right.
Bring it in.

1825
01:32:31,813 --> 01:32:33,480
Come on.

1826
01:32:33,482 --> 01:32:35,081
Hey, stop playing grab-ass

1827
01:32:35,083 --> 01:32:36,516
like a bunch of little boys.

1828
01:32:36,518 --> 01:32:37,651
All right?

1829
01:32:37,653 --> 01:32:38,685
Break!

1830
01:32:38,687 --> 01:32:41,321
Don't mess up.
Get your man.

1831
01:32:48,062 --> 01:32:49,296
Ready!

1832
01:32:56,270 --> 01:32:57,571
Set! Hut!

1833
01:32:59,874 --> 01:33:01,575
It's a fake!

1834
01:33:34,809 --> 01:33:37,444
Uh, what happened? Huh?

1835
01:33:37,446 --> 01:33:40,046
He disappeared
between the three
and the four-yard line.

1836
01:33:40,048 --> 01:33:42,749
What type
of devilry is this?

1837
01:33:44,286 --> 01:33:47,053
I love you, Son!

1838
01:33:48,623 --> 01:33:50,957
I love you, too, Dad!

1839
01:33:52,227 --> 01:33:53,760
Touchdown Panthers.

1840
01:33:53,762 --> 01:33:54,894
Panthers win!

1841
01:33:54,896 --> 01:33:58,298
Do you believe
in acts of God?

1842
01:34:00,134 --> 01:34:01,735
Whoo!

1843
01:34:01,737 --> 01:34:02,936
That's my boy.

1844
01:34:02,938 --> 01:34:05,438
I always knew there
was something magical

1845
01:34:05,440 --> 01:34:07,240
between three and four.

1846
01:34:07,242 --> 01:34:08,608
Yes!

1847
01:34:08,610 --> 01:34:09,743
Yeah!

1848
01:34:15,249 --> 01:34:17,417
There's gotta be some rule!

1849
01:34:17,419 --> 01:34:19,185
I got ghosted again!

1850
01:34:22,324 --> 01:34:24,758
Dude, where did
these people come from?

1851
01:34:24,760 --> 01:34:25,859
I don't know.

1852
01:34:25,861 --> 01:34:27,861
Wait. What?

1853
01:34:27,863 --> 01:34:30,263
Did you know we
could win $100,000?

1854
01:34:30,265 --> 01:34:32,098
I had literally no idea.

1855
01:34:32,100 --> 01:34:34,768
God, everybody
would have been
so much more invested.

1856
01:34:34,770 --> 01:34:36,770
Whoo hoo hoo!

1857
01:34:38,774 --> 01:34:40,774
Do you believe?

1858
01:34:41,943 --> 01:34:43,209
Look at me.
He can't see.

1859
01:34:43,211 --> 01:34:44,971
I'm Fat Albert.
He can't see.

1860
01:34:46,714 --> 01:34:48,782
Yeah!

1861
01:34:48,784 --> 01:34:50,650
How was that?

1862
01:34:50,652 --> 01:34:52,786
Confronting your biggest fears

1863
01:34:52,788 --> 01:34:55,488
in a climatic,
game-winning play.

1864
01:34:55,490 --> 01:34:57,524
Never saw it coming.

1865
01:35:04,031 --> 01:35:07,267
Now, that's
one shitty ceiling.

1866
01:35:11,639 --> 01:35:13,306
Totally worth it.

1867
01:35:13,308 --> 01:35:15,308
In my nine and a half
years of college,

1868
01:35:15,310 --> 01:35:17,310
I thought
I'd seen it all.

1869
01:35:17,312 --> 01:35:20,213
I witnessed a 2,000-cup
game of beer pong

1870
01:35:20,215 --> 01:35:22,749
that claimed
the lives of seven bros.

1871
01:35:22,751 --> 01:35:24,517
I've seen Frisbee
so ultimate,

1872
01:35:24,519 --> 01:35:27,320
it threatened
the supremacy
of God himself.

1873
01:35:27,322 --> 01:35:29,389
I've even seen
my colleague Dan here

1874
01:35:29,391 --> 01:35:32,158
swallow two keys
of pure Bolivian heroin

1875
01:35:32,160 --> 01:35:33,526
to make good on a series

1876
01:35:33,528 --> 01:35:35,995
of increasingly
misguided
cockfighting bets,

1877
01:35:35,997 --> 01:35:37,664
but I never
thought I'd witness

1878
01:35:37,666 --> 01:35:41,401
such an amazing game
of intramural football.

1879
01:35:42,504 --> 01:35:44,170
Right you are, Bill.

1880
01:35:44,172 --> 01:35:45,505
Right you are.

1881
01:35:46,675 --> 01:35:48,641
Yeah! Whoo!

1882
01:35:50,544 --> 01:35:53,446
You all came
to our game!

1883
01:35:53,448 --> 01:35:54,547
Yes!

1884
01:38:40,180 --> 01:38:41,381
Oh, no! No!

1885
01:38:41,383 --> 01:38:43,783
I want a boyfriend.

1886
01:38:43,785 --> 01:38:45,852
I don't want to work.

1887
01:38:45,854 --> 01:38:48,187
I want
to have a boyfriend.

1888
01:38:48,189 --> 01:38:49,389
Oh, honey.

1889
01:38:49,391 --> 01:38:52,125
That was my boyfriend!
Honey...

1890
01:38:52,127 --> 01:38:55,194
Get me another boyfriend!

1891
01:38:55,196 --> 01:38:56,796
Why don't you...

1892
01:39:46,246 --> 01:39:47,613
Joining us now,

1893
01:39:47,615 --> 01:39:49,983
the League Commissioner himself,

1894
01:39:49,985 --> 01:39:52,986
Philip Bronson. Phil.

1895
01:39:52,988 --> 01:39:54,654
What?

1896
01:39:54,656 --> 01:39:57,690
You called me
and said there was
an electrical fire.

1897
01:39:57,692 --> 01:39:59,592
What do you think about
the game so far, Comish?

1898
01:39:59,594 --> 01:40:02,996
I'm an employee
of the university!

1899
01:40:02,998 --> 01:40:05,631
There is no Comish.

1900
01:40:05,633 --> 01:40:08,034
What's wrong with you guys?

1901
01:40:08,036 --> 01:40:10,436
Comish, can we
get a ride home?