Tag (2018)

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INDOXXI
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Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard

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HOGAN: Someone once said, "We don't
stop playing because we grow old.

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"We grow old because
we stop playing."

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When you're a kid,
you can't imagine

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having any other group
of friends.

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You think you're gonna be
buddies forever.

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Of course, for most people,
that just doesn't happen.

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But my friends and I, we
figured out a way around that.

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We just never stopped playing.

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And I like to think that
simple thing, playing a game

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is what made me the man
I am today.

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So, the man you are today
wants to be a janitor.

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Yes.

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Look, Dr. Malloy,
I'm looking at your resume.

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It says you got a Ph.D.
in veterinary medicine

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and that you actually have a
successful practice right now.

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Look, there comes a time
in every man's life

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where you just
gotta take stock.

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Ask yourself, "What's really important?
What's on your bucket list?"

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So, let me get this straight.

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On your bucket list, you don't have,
like, skydiving or rock climbing

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or tap dancing, maybe?
Dancing with wolves?

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Which I believe
that has to be a thing.

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They wouldn't have made a
movie if it wasn't, you know?

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All I know is that, for me,
what I really want

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is to clean the urine off
of that man's toilet seat.

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Talking about the boss.

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Mr. Callahan.

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Yeah, he's a great man.
This is a great company.

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Anything I can do to get closer
to that guy, sign me up.

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Okay, look, man.

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Honestly, any other situation,
I would just tell you

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to get the fuck out my office,
okay?

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But we do need the help,
so when can you start?

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I've already begun.

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What the fuck was that?

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- Uh...
- I haven't even opened that yet.

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Uh... I'm sorry.
I was trying to be proactive.

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Today. I can start today.

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- Why don't I get you another Coke?
- You do that, we good.

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- Okay.
- But don't throw away no more new stuff.

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You will not be disappointed.

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We don't have to
shake hands, man.

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- Okay. I'll be right back.
- Sure.

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White people.

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All right, Bob. You're the CEO
of a Fortune 800 company.

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You have commanded the respect
of coworkers and vendors alike

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and that is why you're being
interviewed by the big boys.

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The Wall Street Journal.

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- Miss Crosby.
- Oh, hi.

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- Hi. Bob Callahan.
- Rebecca.

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BOB: Thank you so much for taking the time.
REBECCA: Oh, thank you.

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Should we just get
right into it?

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- Yeah, let's jump right in.
- All right. Well, here's what I would love

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for your readers to know
about our company.

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We are young. We are dynamic.
We are fun.

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Uh... So let's talk
about diabetes.

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Mr. Callahan, how do you respond to
the idea that your industry uses

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captive insurance to move
risk off balance sheets?

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Well, great question.

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Tough, but fair.

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Um... I guess I would say that
what I love about Freedom Atlantic

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is that we're not like
other insurance companies.

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- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)
- Uh... We're big, but small.

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Small.

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We are, um...

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You know, we're complex...

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Uh... And yet...
And yet also simple.

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(STAMMERING)
And we are global...

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(CLATTERING CONTINUES)

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- Yet local.
- That's exactly right.

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Sorry, one second. Hey, could you
maybe come back at another time?

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We're just right in the middle
of something. Sir?

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I'm afraid not, Bob.

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Jesus Christ, Hoagie!

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What are you doing here?
How did you get past security?

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I didn't. I work here.

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You got a job at my company,
so you could try to tag me?

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Come on, Bob, it's over.

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You don't think I can escape
from my own conference room?

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- Where are you gonna go?
- Well, guess what?

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Watch now,
'cause this is happening.

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(GRUNTS)

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- God.
- BOB: God dang it!

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- Oh... Ouch.
- You okay?

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God! Okay. You're right.

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It's over.

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(BOB GRUNTS)

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- Yeah, I know.
- Well, you're it.

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All right. It's good to see you.
Good to see you, pal.

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- Good to see you.
- Have you lost weight?

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Yeah, a little bit.
Hey, listen, this is serious.

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Um... Jerry's quitting.

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What? Bullshit!

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I swear to God. End of this
season, he's retiring.

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Well, okay. But I am in the middle
of an interview. So can I...

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- Wall Street Journal, that's so cool!
- Oh, thank you.

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No, thank you, by the way, 'cause
this was the distraction I needed.

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You get Bob talking
about himself,

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it is just a feedback loop.
Non-stop.

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- Can we talk about this outside, please?
- Yeah.

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Can we talk outside?
I'll be right back. I promise.

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There's three days left
in May. That gives us 63 hours

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to round up the guys,
and get him.

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Great. We can talk about this
over dinner.

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What? No, no, no.
We have to go now!

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Don't you have bathrooms
to clean or something?

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- Technically, yes, I do.
- All right, you know what?

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Take this ridiculous thing off
and get to it

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We'll talk about this later.

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- I'll resign, Bob.
- You don't have to. You're fired.

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Good.
'Cause the benefits here suck!

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No, they don't.

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That's true.
Benefits are really good.

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Oh, hey, sorry about that.
Where were we?

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- Uh... Diabetes. Yes.
- Explain.

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Well, I'm not a doctor,
but there are two types.

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Type one is called "Type One."

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And Type Two is more
of an adult onset.

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No. (STAMMERS) Him.

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- What are you doing?
- Hoagie, what do you want?

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You tagged me. I'm it, okay?

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You're sitting there
like I didn't just tell you

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we gotta deal
with this right now.

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Because we got a real shot
at Jerry this year.

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You say that every year.

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Yeah, but this year's
different.

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You say that every year.

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- But this year's really different.
- You said that last year.

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I know, you're right.

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But this year's
actually different.

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Because

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we know exactly where
he's going to be and when.

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"The wedding celebration of Susan
and Jerry. Saturday, May 31st."

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He's a sitting duck!

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We gotta join forces.
We get Jerry now,

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or we die.

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What?

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Eventually.
You know what I mean.

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Come on, Bob.

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You gonna grow old,
or you gonna keep playing?

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Keep playing.

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That is the right answer.

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- Nice to meet you.
- I'm sorry, I have to go.

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No.

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Hold on. Hold on.

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I can't believe he's getting
married, and he didn't even tell us.

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I know, I was mad
at first, too, and then hurt.

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But, you know, he just realized
he'd be a sitting target.

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That's insane, even for him.

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Will one of you please tell me
what's going on here?

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- Are we off the record?
- No, definitely not.

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Awesome. Okay. Our group of
friends has been playing

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the same game of tag
for 30 years.

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- What?
- For the entire month of May, every year, we play tag.

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Just like when we were kids.

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But we're not on a playground, and
we all live in different cities.

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So, well, you don't ever know
when someone's gonna pop up.

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You could be shopping at the mall,
then your buddy jumps out of the trunk

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and, boom, tags you.
You're it.

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Here's the craziest part.

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Our buddy, Jerry,
never been tagged.

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What do you mean
he's never been tagged?

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You never put your hand
on his body?

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Not during the month of May.
For like 30 years.

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Why don't you just go over
to his house, and tag him?

167
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- It's not that easy.
- Why not?

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Because... (SIGHS)

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Well, for starters, because
he is so freaking fast.

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You just can't catch him.

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BOB: Yeah, and if you do
manage to catch him,

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then he goes feral and turns into
some kind of crazy wild animal.

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(GROWLS)

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HOGAN: And if you manage
to trap the wild animal,

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he still finds a way.

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(THUNDER RUMBLING)

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REBECCA:
What just happened there?

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To this day, I have no idea.
No idea.

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He's the best
that ever played. Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And now he wants to retire
with a perfect record,

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make us all look like fools.

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- Fools!
- He gets very excited.

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There he is.

185
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- Wait, you're not leaving.
- Look, Miss Crosby, I apologize.

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I will have someone from my
office reach out to you.

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We will reschedule this
as soon as I'm back in town.

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Nope.

189
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- Nope?
- No. Change of plan.

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I'm coming with you.
This is a story.

191
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- What? No.
- Yes. This is the coolest game ever.

192
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I don't think that's gonna be
her angle.

193
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,603
I don't know what my angle is,

194
00:09:04,605 --> 00:09:07,271
but I do find it very interesting
that we live in a world

195
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where grown men
take an entire month

196
00:09:09,109 --> 00:09:11,275
out of every year
to play a child's game.

197
00:09:11,277 --> 00:09:14,678
It's very interesting.
You're right. Let's go.

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I don't think she means
interesting in a good way.

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- Get in, Bob.
- Fine! Fuck it, I'm going.

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00:09:31,695 --> 00:09:34,465
(WATER BUBBLING)

201
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,635
(COUGHING)

202
00:09:41,704 --> 00:09:44,139
All right,
it's all ready for you, Dad.

203
00:09:46,241 --> 00:09:50,444
Hey! Thank you. Thank you.

204
00:09:50,446 --> 00:09:54,114
I'll be honest with you.
Ever since my wife died,

205
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you've really been the rock
holding me down.

206
00:10:01,556 --> 00:10:03,021
So, thank you.

207
00:10:03,023 --> 00:10:05,657
Well, I appreciate that...
(MUMBLES)

208
00:10:05,659 --> 00:10:07,561
But your wife is not dead.

209
00:10:08,929 --> 00:10:10,697
She's dead to me.

210
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:12,996
What?

211
00:10:12,998 --> 00:10:15,165
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- Yeah.

212
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:16,633
- That's right.
- That's right.

213
00:10:16,635 --> 00:10:19,269
Listen to me.

214
00:10:19,271 --> 00:10:22,739
"To live in the past is
to die in the present."

215
00:10:22,741 --> 00:10:24,073
Now, who said that?

216
00:10:24,075 --> 00:10:26,642
- You did.
- Bill Belichick said that!

217
00:10:26,644 --> 00:10:28,176
God love him. Yes, sir.

218
00:10:28,178 --> 00:10:29,679
All right, I'm gonna get us
more weed.

219
00:10:29,681 --> 00:10:30,979
God bless you, son.

220
00:10:30,981 --> 00:10:32,247
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

221
00:10:32,249 --> 00:10:34,118
Damn, that was fast!

222
00:10:39,288 --> 00:10:40,755
- Hey!
- Hey, Anna.

223
00:10:40,757 --> 00:10:42,958
- Hey, Chilli. How are you?
- Good, nice to see you.

224
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,258
What are you doing here?

225
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:47,661
I was... Um...
Was walking by

226
00:10:47,663 --> 00:10:50,630
and thought I'd pop in
and say hi to you and Roger.

227
00:10:50,632 --> 00:10:53,066
Yeah, we're doing great.
Where's Hoagie?

228
00:10:53,068 --> 00:10:55,502
Oh, um...
He's um... You know...

229
00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:59,206
- Oh, shit!
- Hogan's in the library.

230
00:11:00,241 --> 00:11:02,276
Dad, what month is it?

231
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:05,276
May.

232
00:11:05,278 --> 00:11:07,378
Mmm-mmm.
You're not getting by me.

233
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:09,449
(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

234
00:11:10,383 --> 00:11:11,782
Anna, are you okay?

235
00:11:11,784 --> 00:11:14,017
He's loose! He's loose!

236
00:11:14,019 --> 00:11:16,555
Fuck it. Hogan, honey,
he's coming.

237
00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:20,259
He's heading down
the east stairwell.

238
00:11:23,562 --> 00:11:25,563
(CHILLI SCREAMS)

239
00:11:26,999 --> 00:11:28,999
- Hey. Hogan!
- Hey, Chilli!

240
00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:31,232
I haven't seen you in a while, man.
How's everything?

241
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:32,868
Pretty good.
Yeah, what about you?

242
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:34,970
- Everything's good, man. Yeah, work.
- You sure?

243
00:11:34,972 --> 00:11:37,006
I mean, I'm going through that divorce,
but everything's fine. It's fine.

244
00:11:37,008 --> 00:11:39,072
Hey, also, side note. Stop
bringing your wife into this, man.

245
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:41,609
That's bullshit. She's way
too intense for the game.

246
00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:43,611
You're just jealous
'cause she's such a badass.

247
00:11:43,613 --> 00:11:46,046
She's my secret weapon. Kind of
worked 'cause you're trapped.

248
00:11:46,048 --> 00:11:47,581
- Am I trapped?
- Yeah.

249
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,183
I am? (SCREAMS)

250
00:11:50,886 --> 00:11:53,085
Damn you, Chilli!

251
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,822
(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

252
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:00,893
HOGAN: (SCREAMS) No!

253
00:12:00,895 --> 00:12:03,063
Jesus, Chilli! That's trash!

254
00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:18,141
Fuck me!

255
00:12:18,143 --> 00:12:19,645
Hey, Martin!

256
00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:22,380
Hi. Sorry.

257
00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:26,250
(GRUNTS)

258
00:12:27,786 --> 00:12:29,754
(GROANING)

259
00:12:37,761 --> 00:12:39,794
Excuse me, Mrs. Martin, coming through.
Coming through.

260
00:12:39,796 --> 00:12:41,531
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

261
00:12:42,665 --> 00:12:45,602
Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry. So sorry.

262
00:12:46,535 --> 00:12:47,703
Wow. Okay.

263
00:12:49,705 --> 00:12:52,139
- Get him, Andy!
- (ANDY SCREAMS)

264
00:12:58,613 --> 00:13:00,548
(PANTING)

265
00:13:04,752 --> 00:13:06,286
Chilli, Chilli, Chilli...

266
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,854
HOGAN: Chilli! No, no, no!

267
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,756
No! No!

268
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,727
(CHILLI GRUNTS)

269
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,297
(SIGHS)

270
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:22,266
(COUGHS)

271
00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:26,335
Oh, fuck!

272
00:13:26,337 --> 00:13:28,537
- You okay, buddy?
- (CHILLI COUGHS)

273
00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:32,140
Oh, just great. Great.

274
00:13:32,142 --> 00:13:34,709
You ain't getting me today, man.
I'm not losing.

275
00:13:34,711 --> 00:13:37,681
- There's only one problem, Chilli.
- Oh, yeah? What's that?

276
00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:40,949
I'm not it.

277
00:13:40,951 --> 00:13:43,817
- The fuck you mean you're not it?
- I am, motherfucker!

278
00:13:43,819 --> 00:13:45,554
(GRUNT AND MOANS)

279
00:13:47,423 --> 00:13:50,189
- It! Come on, get up.
- Goddamn!

280
00:13:50,191 --> 00:13:52,126
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

281
00:13:52,128 --> 00:13:54,961
- You took a pretty big hit there. My God.
- Yeah, I thought I got away.

282
00:13:54,963 --> 00:13:57,096
- Set him up. Knock him down.
- Oh, my God!

283
00:13:57,098 --> 00:13:59,065
- Good idea.
- All right, fair and square. I'm it, right?

284
00:13:59,067 --> 00:14:01,034
- Yes.
- And now you're it.

285
00:14:01,036 --> 00:14:02,467
- Nope.
- Yeah.

286
00:14:02,469 --> 00:14:04,703
Nope. I'm not taking it.

287
00:14:04,705 --> 00:14:06,071
No, I'm not. No!

288
00:14:06,073 --> 00:14:07,238
- No.
- We're not...

289
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,608
Guys, we're too old...

290
00:14:11,078 --> 00:14:12,677
No, don't start hitting.

291
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:14,681
No, no, you're it.
I don't know who...

292
00:14:15,347 --> 00:14:16,647
HOGAN: You're it.

293
00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:18,248
- Guys, guys, guys!
- This is ridiculous.

294
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:21,551
Son of a bitch!
You sack punched me!

295
00:14:21,553 --> 00:14:23,353
Yeah, you went crazy,
and now you're it.

296
00:14:23,355 --> 00:14:24,587
- Sorry.
- Okay, I'm it.

297
00:14:24,589 --> 00:14:26,622
- ALL: Truce, truce, truce.
- Deal.

298
00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:28,626
This isn't about us anyway.

299
00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:32,161
This is the year we get Jerry.

300
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,129
- No, we're not gonna get Jerry.
- No, That's what you think.

301
00:14:34,131 --> 00:14:37,267
- I said the same thing. We got a plan, all right?
- (CAR HONKS)

302
00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:39,867
Guys! Guys, let's go.

303
00:14:39,869 --> 00:14:42,437
She's so intense, man.
She takes it too far.

304
00:14:42,439 --> 00:14:44,237
You know what?
If it wasn't for me,

305
00:14:44,239 --> 00:14:46,174
you guys would be day drunk playing
mini-golf with 12-year-olds.

306
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:48,542
Let's go. I know where Sable is.
Get in the car, ladies.

307
00:14:48,544 --> 00:14:50,911
Yeah, we're going right to the
airport, so grab a bag, grab a...

308
00:14:50,913 --> 00:14:52,846
- A toothbrush or whatever.
- I'm good. Let's go.

309
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,447
- Really?
- Wow!

310
00:14:54,449 --> 00:14:55,848
- That's gross.
- He's gung-ho. That's good.

311
00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:57,883
Hey, Rebecca,
we're gonna go get Sable now.

312
00:14:57,885 --> 00:14:59,353
Who is Sable?

313
00:15:02,023 --> 00:15:04,489
KEVIN: I know you think
she's not cheating on me.

314
00:15:04,491 --> 00:15:06,991
But what about
the possibility of

315
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,527
her knowing that I'm following
her to Pilates class,

316
00:15:09,529 --> 00:15:11,495
and on the days when it's not
Pilates class

317
00:15:11,497 --> 00:15:15,301
that's when she has all the
free time to ride random dick.

318
00:15:16,936 --> 00:15:18,902
Okay, riding dicks.

319
00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:22,572
Kevin, you're really focused
on other dicks.

320
00:15:22,574 --> 00:15:24,240
But what about yours?

321
00:15:24,242 --> 00:15:25,875
- What about you?
- If you don't focus on the other dicks,

322
00:15:25,877 --> 00:15:28,678
those dicks will plug up
the places you wanna go.

323
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:33,381
What about mentally going into
each of those holes

324
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:35,784
and unplugging
every one of those dicks.

325
00:15:35,786 --> 00:15:39,020
Pulling out, pulling out,
pulling out, pulling out.

326
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:42,023
And then you have a clear mind.
Dickless.

327
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:46,292
Well, I'm paranoid that my original
paranoia might turn on my paranoia.

328
00:15:46,294 --> 00:15:49,897
It sounds like there are some
fundamental trust issues.

329
00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:50,997
You can't trust anybody.

330
00:15:50,999 --> 00:15:52,565
I don't think
anyone's out to get you.

331
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:54,366
I don't think
anyone is following you.

332
00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:56,568
- (THUD)
- CHILLI: (IN DISTANCE) I can't take it anymore.

333
00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:58,570
I can't take it.
I can't listen to this.

334
00:15:58,572 --> 00:16:00,441
Are you shushing me?

335
00:16:01,742 --> 00:16:03,376
Stop!

336
00:16:04,277 --> 00:16:05,813
What the fuck?

337
00:16:06,947 --> 00:16:08,579
Oh, wow!

338
00:16:08,581 --> 00:16:10,314
- Doc!
- You're there.

339
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:12,450
Hi, Hogan. Nice to meet you.

340
00:16:12,452 --> 00:16:13,885
Bob Callahan. How do you do?

341
00:16:13,887 --> 00:16:15,452
- Sorry, this is a terrible idea.
- Who are you?

342
00:16:15,454 --> 00:16:17,654
- We're friends of Sable's.
- (LAUGHING)

343
00:16:17,656 --> 00:16:19,689
We thought it'd be really
funny to hide in there

344
00:16:19,691 --> 00:16:22,259
but then we overheard
way too much.

345
00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:24,493
Yeah, buddy, you're clearly
going through a lot of shit.

346
00:16:24,495 --> 00:16:25,929
All right, get here, man.

347
00:16:25,931 --> 00:16:28,697
And, also, you're it.

348
00:16:28,699 --> 00:16:31,101
I don't care. I miss you.
How are you, buddy?

349
00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:32,701
- I'm good.
- Yup.

350
00:16:32,703 --> 00:16:34,270
- Now you're it.
- I know, I know, I'm it.

351
00:16:34,272 --> 00:16:36,704
Anyway, yeah, we came to
get you, so, come on.

352
00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:38,506
- Sable.
- Come on.

353
00:16:38,508 --> 00:16:40,942
I got 40 minutes
left in the session.

354
00:16:40,944 --> 00:16:43,677
- So what? This is important.
- Yeah.

355
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:46,415
Pack your bags.
We're goin' home.

356
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:49,750
I don't have my bags here.

357
00:16:49,752 --> 00:16:50,918
BOB: Yeah, we know.
HOGAN: Obviously.

358
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,585
- For fuck's sake.
- I know that...

359
00:16:52,587 --> 00:16:54,087
We'll just go by your house
and get your stuff.

360
00:16:54,089 --> 00:16:55,621
You should've just went
to my house in the first place

361
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:57,456
if we were gonna go
to my house anyway.

362
00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:58,891
- This seemed like a better idea.
- It was a whole bit! Let's go.

363
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:00,358
Yeah, come on,
we'll figure it out.

364
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,261
Okay, you'll still owe me
for this hour.

365
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:05,023
- Thanks, Doctor.
- You guys aren't taking my mental health seriously.

366
00:17:28,419 --> 00:17:30,953
Look at those little assholes.

367
00:17:30,955 --> 00:17:33,455
- Calm down.
- It's awful to be back.

368
00:17:33,457 --> 00:17:35,025
It's gonna be fun.

369
00:17:55,911 --> 00:17:57,143
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

370
00:17:57,145 --> 00:17:59,013
Ah! It still smells the same.

371
00:18:01,315 --> 00:18:03,150
Uh... Here we go.

372
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,620
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

373
00:18:08,622 --> 00:18:10,557
All right!

374
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:20,699
Oh!

375
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,666
(GRUNTS)

376
00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:26,202
CHILLI:
Okay, yeah.

377
00:18:26,204 --> 00:18:32,407
- Oh, yeah, it's still there.
- Guys, we're back in the war room.

378
00:18:32,409 --> 00:18:35,477
- You know what that means.
- No, I don't know what that means.

379
00:18:35,479 --> 00:18:38,146
It means we're going to war, Sable.
Now, just to be clear,

380
00:18:38,148 --> 00:18:41,849
we're not gonna tag Jerry at
the actual wedding ceremony

381
00:18:41,851 --> 00:18:44,319
because, frankly, that would
make us giant assholes.

382
00:18:44,321 --> 00:18:46,086
I'm sorry. I thought that was
the whole point of this.

383
00:18:46,088 --> 00:18:48,889
I took two weeks unpaid
vacation for that exact reason.

384
00:18:48,891 --> 00:18:50,590
- Two weeks?
- Yeah.

385
00:18:50,592 --> 00:18:52,458
I'm going zip-lining
after this.

386
00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:55,862
Okay. There's gonna be plenty of
time to get him before the ceremony.

387
00:18:55,864 --> 00:18:57,830
There's the rehearsal dinner.

388
00:18:57,832 --> 00:19:00,632
There's a luncheon, photo shoot. Just
don't worry. We're gonna get him.

389
00:19:00,634 --> 00:19:03,936
Very official plan. Who wants to
smoke some weed with me? Sable!

390
00:19:03,938 --> 00:19:05,304
I'll take a toke.

391
00:19:05,306 --> 00:19:07,072
What?

392
00:19:07,074 --> 00:19:11,442
Yeah, I've been, you know,
experimenting with pot recently.

393
00:19:11,444 --> 00:19:13,244
Mostly medicinal, but hey.

394
00:19:13,246 --> 00:19:18,316
I've wanted to get high with
you my entire life, Hogan.

395
00:19:18,318 --> 00:19:19,916
- Honestly.
- Let's do it.

396
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:21,720
- This is the best gift of all time.
- Okay.

397
00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:25,656
This is exactly how I
imagined it, by the way.

398
00:19:28,693 --> 00:19:30,092
(WHISPERS) Hoagie's mom.

399
00:19:30,094 --> 00:19:33,898
I've got pizza rolls
for my pizza roll boys.

400
00:19:34,432 --> 00:19:35,832
Pizza rolls.

401
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,434
(SIGHS)

402
00:19:38,436 --> 00:19:40,535
Is that marijuana I smell?

403
00:19:40,537 --> 00:19:41,938
(HOGAN SNORTS)

404
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,505
No. What?

405
00:19:45,507 --> 00:19:47,007
It's my pot. I'm really sorry.

406
00:19:47,009 --> 00:19:48,742
I was smoking pot.
It's an old habit.

407
00:19:48,744 --> 00:19:52,147
Oh, so it's your weedie.
(CHUCKLES)

408
00:19:53,581 --> 00:19:55,648
I think I'm getting
a contact high.

409
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:57,883
- Okay.
- Hits me deep.

410
00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,517
Below the belt, you know.

411
00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:00,753
I've got a belt upstairs.

412
00:20:00,755 --> 00:20:03,155
I use it
on naughty little boys.

413
00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:05,458
(BOTH LAUGHING)

414
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:07,592
What the fuck is going on?

415
00:20:07,594 --> 00:20:09,526
I hope you don't hurt
those boys.

416
00:20:09,528 --> 00:20:10,730
I don't mean to.

417
00:20:11,965 --> 00:20:13,564
It was really nice
speaking with you.

418
00:20:13,566 --> 00:20:15,833
- Thank you for the pizza rolls.
- Mom...

419
00:20:15,835 --> 00:20:18,736
Stop flirting
with Chilli.

420
00:20:18,738 --> 00:20:21,637
Linda, have you seen
Jerry lately?

421
00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:23,573
I mean, do you still
play tennis with his mom?

422
00:20:23,575 --> 00:20:25,875
Because we need to find him before
the wedding and we've got no clues.

423
00:20:25,877 --> 00:20:27,844
I don't even talk to her.
I never see her at the club.

424
00:20:27,846 --> 00:20:31,613
But I'm thrilled for Jerry.
Susan is such a nice girl.

425
00:20:31,615 --> 00:20:34,049
- We just need the information.
- We need to find him. Yeah.

426
00:20:34,051 --> 00:20:36,184
Have you taken the guys
over to the Sandpiper?

427
00:20:36,186 --> 00:20:41,356
Lou does nothing but talk about
you and the old days and Jerry.

428
00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:43,090
You know, I think he's lonely.

429
00:20:43,092 --> 00:20:45,558
Okay, that's not helpful.
But it...

430
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,927
Oh, my God!

431
00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:48,095
Lou knows everything
going on in this town.

432
00:20:48,097 --> 00:20:50,231
Guys, we're going
to the Sandpiper.

433
00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:53,433
I don't wanna go to the Sandpiper.
I'm having a great time here.

434
00:20:53,435 --> 00:20:55,768
I miss this basement.
We don't have any more beer.

435
00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:56,938
Let's go to Sandpiper.

436
00:21:09,549 --> 00:21:11,215
Lou!

437
00:21:11,217 --> 00:21:14,218
Gentlemen! And ladies.

438
00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:17,120
How are you guys? Hey, we have
new summer stouts on draft.

439
00:21:17,122 --> 00:21:20,057
Lou, we don't give a shit about summer
stouts. We're just looking for Jerry.

440
00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:22,993
Ooh! I hate to be the bearer
of bad tidings, Anna,

441
00:21:22,995 --> 00:21:25,128
but you are technically
still banned from here.

442
00:21:25,130 --> 00:21:28,532
- HOGAN: What? Still?
- What? It was dollar margarita night, Lou.

443
00:21:28,534 --> 00:21:29,799
Hey, I don't make the rules.

444
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:30,966
Fuck you, Lou.

445
00:21:30,968 --> 00:21:32,301
You know something
about Jerry,

446
00:21:32,303 --> 00:21:35,371
I can see it in your eyes,
you rat fuck.

447
00:21:35,373 --> 00:21:36,871
I don't know where Jerry is.

448
00:21:36,873 --> 00:21:38,473
Fuck you. Tell us.

449
00:21:38,475 --> 00:21:42,312
I'm sorry, Lou. I'm so sorry.

450
00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:44,678
How are you? How's your mom?

451
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:45,979
- Fantastic.
- Oh, that's good.

452
00:21:45,981 --> 00:21:47,915
- Fit as a fiddle.
- Tell her I said hi.

453
00:21:47,917 --> 00:21:49,615
- I will, for sure.
- And fuck you. I don't wanna be in this bar anyway.

454
00:21:49,617 --> 00:21:51,118
- Okay, okay.
- We're gonna wait outside.

455
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,554
Look forward to catching up
with y'all.

456
00:21:53,556 --> 00:21:56,589
Listen, I'll tell you everything
you need to know about Jerry

457
00:21:56,591 --> 00:22:01,360
if you tag me just one time.
It is all I ask. I will spill.

458
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:03,262
Why can't I tag ya?

459
00:22:03,264 --> 00:22:05,964
Because I'm not
officially in the game.

460
00:22:05,966 --> 00:22:07,399
What's the good word, Lou?

461
00:22:07,401 --> 00:22:09,700
We don't stop playing
'cause we grow old,

462
00:22:09,702 --> 00:22:11,702
we grow old because
we stop playing.

463
00:22:11,704 --> 00:22:13,405
You are not part of this game.

464
00:22:13,407 --> 00:22:14,605
Benjamin Franklin.

465
00:22:14,607 --> 00:22:16,440
- Lou.
- Yeah?

466
00:22:16,442 --> 00:22:17,942
Where's Jerry?

467
00:22:17,944 --> 00:22:19,111
I'm afraid I can't help
you out with that, boys.

468
00:22:19,113 --> 00:22:21,077
- Really?
- Yeah, you see,

469
00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:22,745
Jerry and I have struck
a little deal.

470
00:22:22,747 --> 00:22:24,180
I say nothing
about his whereabouts,

471
00:22:24,182 --> 00:22:26,149
and then I get to play
tag next year.

472
00:22:26,151 --> 00:22:27,983
- Jerry made that deal with you?
- Oh, yeah.

473
00:22:27,985 --> 00:22:30,686
And I am unbreakable, boys.

474
00:22:30,688 --> 00:22:32,921
Cannot penetrate
this Iron Curtain.

475
00:22:32,923 --> 00:22:35,591
The vault is closed.

476
00:22:35,593 --> 00:22:36,958
Well, Lou,
that is a real shame

477
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,793
because I was gonna
introduce you to Rebecca,

478
00:22:38,795 --> 00:22:42,563
who is writing an article about
tag for The Wall Street Journal.

479
00:22:42,565 --> 00:22:43,798
- How cool is that?
- So cool.

480
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,233
Isn't that exciting?

481
00:22:45,235 --> 00:22:47,335
Is there any way that Lou
could be in your article?

482
00:22:47,337 --> 00:22:48,569
Oh, yeah.

483
00:22:48,571 --> 00:22:50,303
Right? It's an interesting
angle, right?

484
00:22:50,305 --> 00:22:52,172
Probably has to be a story
for that to happen, right?

485
00:22:52,174 --> 00:22:53,672
What do you mean
there has to be a story?

486
00:22:53,674 --> 00:22:56,642
I mean, no Jerry, no story.

487
00:22:56,644 --> 00:22:58,210
You need Jerry for the story?

488
00:22:58,212 --> 00:22:59,979
Could you imagine that thing
printed out here, framed?

489
00:22:59,981 --> 00:23:01,514
- Hanging on the wall? With this guy?
- Yeah.

490
00:23:01,516 --> 00:23:03,349
Which will get published
everywhere. Everyone will see.

491
00:23:03,351 --> 00:23:04,949
- Nationally.
- Don't you wanna be in the article?

492
00:23:04,951 --> 00:23:07,419
Yeah, dude. I would love to be
in an article.

493
00:23:07,421 --> 00:23:09,354
Well, we're not gonna
break Fort Knox here.

494
00:23:09,356 --> 00:23:10,855
Fuck, man. All right.

495
00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:12,656
- I was really excited about that, too.
- Good to see you, buddy.

496
00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:14,325
Look, look, look.

497
00:23:14,327 --> 00:23:15,895
(SNIFFS)

498
00:23:16,862 --> 00:23:18,630
My mom talked to his mom

499
00:23:18,632 --> 00:23:21,697
and she said that the rehearsal is
at the Deer Creek Country Club.

500
00:23:21,699 --> 00:23:23,200
- Deer Creek.
- There it is.

501
00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:25,168
Anyways, the name is
Louis Seibert. That's S-E-I...

502
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,937
- I'll remember that. Thank you.
- She's got great memory.

503
00:23:27,939 --> 00:23:29,372
Big Lou, thank you, buddy.

504
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:31,254
- CHILLI: Yeah, you bet.
- Thank you, thank you.

505
00:23:32,743 --> 00:23:34,242
ANNA:
Oh, hello, Miss Rollins?

506
00:23:34,244 --> 00:23:36,711
This is Margaret from
the Deer Creek Country Club.

507
00:23:36,713 --> 00:23:38,346
I'm just calling
to let you know,

508
00:23:38,348 --> 00:23:40,248
we won't be able
to refund your deposit

509
00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:42,450
since you canceled the rehearsal
on such short notice.

510
00:23:42,452 --> 00:23:44,519
SUSAN: What? Oh, my God.
JERRY: I think you have a mistake here.

511
00:23:44,521 --> 00:23:46,754
SUSAN: We didn't
cancel the reception.

512
00:23:46,756 --> 00:23:48,955
I'm afraid we have
unfortunately booked

513
00:23:48,957 --> 00:23:51,024
something else
in that time slot now.

514
00:23:51,026 --> 00:23:53,527
- A quinceanera.
- A quinceanera.

515
00:23:53,529 --> 00:23:55,595
SUSAN: A what?
JERRY: The fuck's a quinceanera?

516
00:23:55,597 --> 00:23:57,197
A celebration of womanhood.

517
00:23:57,199 --> 00:23:58,931
It's a celebration
of womanhood.

518
00:23:58,933 --> 00:24:00,732
JERRY: This is bullshit.
SUSAN: Oh, my God!

519
00:24:00,734 --> 00:24:02,136
We're coming
to the club right now.

520
00:24:08,808 --> 00:24:11,277
(TIRES SCREECH)

521
00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:36,032
Hello?

522
00:24:38,802 --> 00:24:40,270
Hello?

523
00:24:44,307 --> 00:24:45,442
Hello, boys.

524
00:24:47,243 --> 00:24:48,712
Who is it?

525
00:24:49,345 --> 00:24:51,078
I am.

526
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,847
JERRY: Callahan approaches
from the left.

527
00:24:55,183 --> 00:24:56,985
Engage no contact protocol.

528
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,022
No hand shall touch my body.

529
00:25:04,858 --> 00:25:06,659
(GRUNTS)

530
00:25:06,661 --> 00:25:09,594
Mental note. Bob slapped
Hoagie with his hand.

531
00:25:09,596 --> 00:25:11,465
Hoagie is now it.

532
00:25:14,934 --> 00:25:19,203
Chilli. He dives at me
in a pussy-like fashion.

533
00:25:19,205 --> 00:25:21,374
Poor planning. Poor execution.

534
00:25:22,475 --> 00:25:24,110
(GRUNTS)

535
00:25:24,809 --> 00:25:26,775
Piece of cake.

536
00:25:26,777 --> 00:25:28,544
I head for the door to escape.

537
00:25:28,546 --> 00:25:30,413
Sable blocks it.

538
00:25:30,415 --> 00:25:31,915
It's showtime.

539
00:25:34,151 --> 00:25:37,321
Hoagie has tagged Sable.
He is now fair game.

540
00:25:39,723 --> 00:25:40,990
I speedbag him.

541
00:25:44,394 --> 00:25:45,395
(GRUNTS)

542
00:25:54,569 --> 00:25:55,635
(GROANS)

543
00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:57,002
(LAUGHS CUNNINGLY)

544
00:25:57,004 --> 00:25:58,939
Jerry! You okay?

545
00:26:00,141 --> 00:26:02,176
Oh, I've never been better.

546
00:26:02,910 --> 00:26:04,911
Welcome home, boys!

547
00:26:06,647 --> 00:26:07,945
(JERRY LAUGHS)

548
00:26:07,947 --> 00:26:09,247
Hey, who's this with ya?

549
00:26:09,249 --> 00:26:11,916
Oh, this is Rebecca.
She's a reporter.

550
00:26:11,918 --> 00:26:13,551
We're gonna be famous.

551
00:26:13,553 --> 00:26:16,019
Did they mention that I haven't
been tagged in 30 years

552
00:26:16,021 --> 00:26:17,588
'cause they suck at this game?

553
00:26:17,590 --> 00:26:19,724
- Extensively.
- Never been tagged. Just saying.

554
00:26:19,726 --> 00:26:22,192
BOB: I can't believe you would rather
not invite your closest friends

555
00:26:22,194 --> 00:26:23,959
to your wedding,
than risk getting tagged.

556
00:26:23,961 --> 00:26:27,096
Hey, Bob, look, you're here, ain't ya?
Right? I knew you'd come.

557
00:26:27,098 --> 00:26:29,098
SUSAN: Cookie, the
valet needs the keys.

558
00:26:29,101 --> 00:26:30,566
Hi, baby. Come here, honey.
Come here.

559
00:26:30,568 --> 00:26:32,834
We didn't invite you.

560
00:26:32,836 --> 00:26:34,269
- Yeah. Sorry.
- Guys.

561
00:26:34,271 --> 00:26:36,905
This is Susan,
my soon-to-be-bride.

562
00:26:36,907 --> 00:26:39,007
- Hi. Nice to meet you, Susan.
- Hey.

563
00:26:39,009 --> 00:26:40,375
- Hi.
- She'll explain why.

564
00:26:40,377 --> 00:26:42,711
It's just...
I know it sounds really crazy.

565
00:26:42,713 --> 00:26:46,280
Everyone on my mother's side
have had May weddings

566
00:26:46,282 --> 00:26:49,183
and I didn't want
my wedding ruined over...

567
00:26:49,185 --> 00:26:52,786
I mean, I swear,
I don't wanna be that woman

568
00:26:52,788 --> 00:26:57,357
but I do feel like that woman is kind
of understandable in this situation.

569
00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:59,325
Don't make excuses, baby.
You don't have to. Come on.

570
00:26:59,327 --> 00:27:00,526
Look, I already broke
a fucking window.

571
00:27:00,528 --> 00:27:02,262
What are we
gonna do here, guys?

572
00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:05,897
- Amendment.
- Amendment.

573
00:27:05,899 --> 00:27:09,967
- Amendment. All right. Get in here.
- Truce. Truce, bitches.

574
00:27:09,969 --> 00:27:12,970
No tag at the rehearsal.
No tag at the luncheon.

575
00:27:12,972 --> 00:27:17,006
No tag at the dinner, and do not
even mention tag at the ceremony.

576
00:27:17,008 --> 00:27:19,777
HOGAN:
Ceremony.

577
00:27:19,779 --> 00:27:20,877
- We got it.
- Thank you.

578
00:27:20,879 --> 00:27:22,245
No way, I'm not signing this.

579
00:27:22,247 --> 00:27:23,781
You're officially
re-not invited, how's that?

580
00:27:23,783 --> 00:27:26,282
Okay, then fine. I'll crash
your fucking wedding,

581
00:27:26,284 --> 00:27:28,118
and I'll tag you as you try to
kiss your bride.

582
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,486
Hey, hey, hey.

583
00:27:29,488 --> 00:27:31,553
Look, Susan.
You seem like a lovely person,

584
00:27:31,555 --> 00:27:33,889
and I'm sure
this will all be fine.

585
00:27:33,891 --> 00:27:37,093
We just need to formalize it, something
we've been doing a long time, and, uh...

586
00:27:37,695 --> 00:27:38,895
Sign it.

587
00:27:40,964 --> 00:27:42,797
What the...

588
00:27:42,799 --> 00:27:44,532
No mention of tag is...

589
00:27:44,534 --> 00:27:46,801
- Ridiculous.
- It's unreasonable.

590
00:27:46,803 --> 00:27:48,368
Thank you, guys.

591
00:27:48,370 --> 00:27:49,672
Here.

592
00:27:50,639 --> 00:27:52,641
All right, boys.

593
00:27:55,344 --> 00:27:56,942
- All right.
- So good to see you, Bob.

594
00:27:56,944 --> 00:27:58,911
You know what? Don't touch
me, when we're on a truce.

595
00:27:58,913 --> 00:28:00,946
- It's very patronizing.
- Yeah, it's a little weird for me, too.

596
00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:03,014
Well, it was really nice
meeting everyone

597
00:28:03,016 --> 00:28:06,852
and I look forward to getting to
know you guys better this weekend.

598
00:28:06,854 --> 00:28:09,988
I don't know, I've just dreamt about
this day my whole life, so...

599
00:28:09,990 --> 00:28:12,490
- Congrats, Susan. We're happy for ya.
- It's gonna be great.

600
00:28:12,492 --> 00:28:14,759
- Thank you.
- It's really good to see you, boys.

601
00:28:14,761 --> 00:28:16,460
Cheers.

602
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:17,862
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

603
00:28:17,864 --> 00:28:19,331
Six tequilas, please.

604
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,335
- To Jerry.
- Wait.

605
00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:30,005
So, boys, how did it go?

606
00:28:30,007 --> 00:28:31,239
- Not good.
- So bad.

607
00:28:31,241 --> 00:28:32,775
So, so bad. (CHUCKLES)

608
00:28:32,777 --> 00:28:35,277
Did you guys just sign away
your chance to tag him?

609
00:28:35,279 --> 00:28:40,282
Yeah, but we're still okay, because
non-wedding times are fair game.

610
00:28:40,284 --> 00:28:41,650
We just gotta find
the right window.

611
00:28:41,652 --> 00:28:43,718
- What happened?
- He kicked our ass.

612
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,352
- Well, technically, he punched my ass.
- BOB: Punched your ass.

613
00:28:45,354 --> 00:28:46,854
- Repeatedly.
- Hard.

614
00:28:46,856 --> 00:28:48,955
Well, according to the bylaws,
that is highly illegal.

615
00:28:48,957 --> 00:28:50,891
Except he didn't hit
my asshole

616
00:28:50,893 --> 00:28:52,358
so it's legal.

617
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,360
Okay, what are you
talking about?

618
00:28:54,362 --> 00:28:55,528
Here.

619
00:28:55,530 --> 00:28:57,130
Page...

620
00:28:57,132 --> 00:28:59,331
Yes! Right there.

621
00:28:59,333 --> 00:29:01,233
No asshole punching.

622
00:29:01,235 --> 00:29:06,371
Why would you play a game where
you're constantly punched in the ass?

623
00:29:06,373 --> 00:29:08,674
- Fair question, Rebecca.
- Beep. I'll take this.

624
00:29:08,676 --> 00:29:12,443
Tag is more than a game.
It's a way of life.

625
00:29:12,445 --> 00:29:13,678
No, buddy.

626
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,113
That's exactly right.
You nailed it.

627
00:29:16,115 --> 00:29:17,981
Facial disgracial.

628
00:29:17,983 --> 00:29:20,117
Okay, Lou, thank you.

629
00:29:20,119 --> 00:29:21,651
We'll take it from here.

630
00:29:21,653 --> 00:29:23,353
But he's exactly right.

631
00:29:23,355 --> 00:29:25,120
It's so much more
than a game.

632
00:29:25,122 --> 00:29:27,990
Say I'm LeVar Burton.
Say I'm LeVar Burton.

633
00:29:27,992 --> 00:29:30,226
HOGAN: I was there when
Sable lost his virginity.

634
00:29:30,228 --> 00:29:32,661
God damn it, Hoagie!
I was almost finished!

635
00:29:32,663 --> 00:29:34,263
Get over here!

636
00:29:34,265 --> 00:29:36,586
And Callahan was there when
Anna and I had our first child.

637
00:29:37,434 --> 00:29:39,334
Congratulations, buddy.
You're it.

638
00:29:39,336 --> 00:29:41,002
Doing great, Anna.

639
00:29:41,004 --> 00:29:43,471
And all the guys were there
for me when my father died.

640
00:29:43,473 --> 00:29:47,108
I think your dad would have
really wanted you to be...

641
00:29:47,110 --> 00:29:48,575
Dead.

642
00:29:48,577 --> 00:29:50,344
In this moment.

643
00:29:50,346 --> 00:29:52,346
(ALL CHUCKLING)

644
00:29:52,348 --> 00:29:55,916
This game, it's given us a reason to be
in each other's lives all these years.

645
00:29:55,918 --> 00:29:59,852
The last it from each season
will live in shame for one year.

646
00:29:59,854 --> 00:30:01,220
So what happens if you lose?

647
00:30:01,222 --> 00:30:02,688
- You lose.
- You're it.

648
00:30:02,690 --> 00:30:04,556
- What does the winner get?
- There are no winners.

649
00:30:04,558 --> 00:30:05,490
Just not losers.

650
00:30:05,492 --> 00:30:07,158
Listen,
I would love to sit here

651
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,861
and deconstruct the spirit of
competition with everyone,

652
00:30:09,863 --> 00:30:11,363
but Jerry's still on the loose

653
00:30:11,365 --> 00:30:12,998
and we got to get him
where it hurts.

654
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,165
- Not in the asshole.
- Not in the asshole. Obviously.

655
00:30:15,167 --> 00:30:16,767
Oh! Guys,
let's go to his house.

656
00:30:16,769 --> 00:30:18,802
He wouldn't be at his house.
It's too obvious.

657
00:30:18,804 --> 00:30:21,204
Yeah, it's too obvious, so he's
gonna be there. This is Jerry.

658
00:30:21,206 --> 00:30:25,208
Maybe it's so obvious that it's not
obvious that he will be there.

659
00:30:25,210 --> 00:30:26,943
- So he's at the house.
- He's not gonna be there.

660
00:30:26,945 --> 00:30:30,245
If he's there, then it'll be
obvious for him to be there

661
00:30:30,247 --> 00:30:32,381
so he wouldn't be there
because he would think

662
00:30:32,383 --> 00:30:34,951
that we would automatically
come there, obviously.

663
00:30:34,953 --> 00:30:37,619
- What?
- You know what? One way to find out.

664
00:30:37,621 --> 00:30:39,821
- Let's go.
- It'll be obvious to...

665
00:30:39,823 --> 00:30:41,324
HOGAN: Come on!

666
00:30:58,607 --> 00:31:00,241
It's locked.

667
00:31:06,847 --> 00:31:08,613
What do you see?

668
00:31:08,615 --> 00:31:10,081
It's nice.

669
00:31:10,083 --> 00:31:12,951
There's lot of attention to
detail but not too overdone.

670
00:31:12,953 --> 00:31:15,689
Well, can you just unlock it?

671
00:31:17,423 --> 00:31:18,856
REBECCA:
This is breaking and entering.

672
00:31:18,858 --> 00:31:21,360
BOB: No, it doesn't count
if you know the person.

673
00:31:22,328 --> 00:31:24,661
(WHISPERS) That is not true.

674
00:31:24,663 --> 00:31:27,699
"Did you guys really think
I would be home?"

675
00:31:30,034 --> 00:31:31,467
Feels like a trap.

676
00:31:31,469 --> 00:31:33,102
All right, let's split up,
we'll cover more ground.

677
00:31:33,104 --> 00:31:35,604
- No, that's a terrible idea.
- SABLE: He'll never expect it.

678
00:31:35,606 --> 00:31:37,374
Now help me out
of the door, please.

679
00:31:40,677 --> 00:31:43,678
Jerry!

680
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,713
(WHISPERS)
He's gotta be here.

681
00:31:45,715 --> 00:31:47,381
(CENSOR BEEPS)

682
00:31:47,383 --> 00:31:49,216
Have you ever even
been here before?

683
00:31:49,218 --> 00:31:51,319
(SABLE SHUSHES)

684
00:31:56,758 --> 00:31:58,324
Ohh!

685
00:31:58,326 --> 00:32:00,827
Deviled eggs.

686
00:32:00,829 --> 00:32:03,330
Delicious. These go fast.

687
00:32:10,336 --> 00:32:12,305
SABLE: What the fuck?

688
00:32:12,705 --> 00:32:14,240
Oh, man.

689
00:32:15,110 --> 00:32:16,774
Whoa.

690
00:32:16,776 --> 00:32:18,776
Jerry got chloroform?

691
00:32:18,778 --> 00:32:22,746
What the fuck?
He has stepped it up.

692
00:32:22,748 --> 00:32:26,950
Aerial maps of the city.
Bunch of blueprints.

693
00:32:26,952 --> 00:32:30,152
Five different hats? Wow.

694
00:32:30,154 --> 00:32:32,556
People change.

695
00:32:36,994 --> 00:32:38,561
(BEEP)

696
00:32:40,263 --> 00:32:41,765
Did you...

697
00:32:42,499 --> 00:32:43,900
I didn't do anything.

698
00:32:47,104 --> 00:32:49,605
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

699
00:32:52,875 --> 00:32:56,710
Who is that
scampering around my house?

700
00:32:56,712 --> 00:33:00,212
Hello, boys, did you
really think I'd go home?

701
00:33:00,214 --> 00:33:01,480
- You idiots.
- I knew it.

702
00:33:01,482 --> 00:33:03,816
- It's too obvious.
- Yep.

703
00:33:03,818 --> 00:33:05,383
I mean, that's just
a lucky guess.

704
00:33:05,385 --> 00:33:06,618
Okay, Jerry, where are you?

705
00:33:06,620 --> 00:33:08,054
You know,
seeing you guys tonight

706
00:33:08,056 --> 00:33:10,722
made me wanna take
a walk down memory lane.

707
00:33:10,724 --> 00:33:12,123
- Ta-da!
- Is that your...

708
00:33:12,125 --> 00:33:13,858
That's my bedroom.
You're at my parents' house.

709
00:33:13,860 --> 00:33:15,426
Why are you at
my parents' house?

710
00:33:15,428 --> 00:33:16,527
It's a little smaller
than I remember.

711
00:33:16,529 --> 00:33:18,129
You broke into my house!

712
00:33:18,131 --> 00:33:19,596
We broke into his house.

713
00:33:19,598 --> 00:33:20,831
Yeah, we broke
into your house.

714
00:33:20,833 --> 00:33:22,766
Hey, hey!
Look who I found, Hoag.

715
00:33:22,768 --> 00:33:25,234
Hoag! Hoagie,
I miss you so much!

716
00:33:25,236 --> 00:33:27,236
What are you doing
with Mr. Stubbles?

717
00:33:27,238 --> 00:33:29,439
This little guy got you through a
lot of troubles in life, didn't he?

718
00:33:29,441 --> 00:33:30,873
All right, Jerry.

719
00:33:30,875 --> 00:33:32,607
(JERRY LAUGHS)

720
00:33:32,609 --> 00:33:34,242
Let's see where this one goes.

721
00:33:34,244 --> 00:33:37,113
Mr. Stubbles has something to say.
What was that?

722
00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:39,948
He says that his skin's very dry.
It needs to be moisturized.

723
00:33:39,950 --> 00:33:43,386
Jerry, put down Mr. Stubbles.
So help me God.

724
00:33:44,487 --> 00:33:46,320
What's happening here?

725
00:33:46,322 --> 00:33:48,254
I think he's about to masturbate
in Hoagie's childhood bedroom.

726
00:33:48,256 --> 00:33:50,758
Oh, no.

727
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,225
It's the ultimate act
of dominance.

728
00:33:52,227 --> 00:33:54,994
I'm gonna stay here
until you come.

729
00:33:54,996 --> 00:33:56,531
Unless I come first.

730
00:33:58,101 --> 00:33:59,500
You sly dog.

731
00:34:01,635 --> 00:34:03,902
- HOGAN: Go! Go! Go!
- Did you get him?

732
00:34:03,904 --> 00:34:05,804
- HOGAN: Start the car!
- Started it. I started it.

733
00:34:05,806 --> 00:34:07,472
Everybody put their
seat belts on.

734
00:34:07,474 --> 00:34:08,874
Go! Go! Go!

735
00:34:08,876 --> 00:34:10,110
Everybody in.

736
00:34:10,112 --> 00:34:11,978
ANNA: Is everybody in?

737
00:34:15,915 --> 00:34:18,983
This is gonna be nice and smooth, Mr.
Stubbies.

738
00:34:18,985 --> 00:34:20,817
This isn't gonna hurt
whatsoever.

739
00:34:20,819 --> 00:34:23,286
Stay put. We're coming for you.
We're coming for you.

740
00:34:23,288 --> 00:34:26,690
(HIGH-PITCHED) Yeah, but hurry up!
Daddy, hurry up!

741
00:34:26,692 --> 00:34:28,624
Mr. Stubbles is not into you.
He can't be into you.

742
00:34:28,626 --> 00:34:30,993
He's not a sexual being, okay?
So put him down!

743
00:34:30,995 --> 00:34:33,330
(JERRY LAUGHS)

744
00:34:37,768 --> 00:34:39,036
Hey, team.

745
00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:49,210
Jerry, how are you
in my room right now?

746
00:34:49,212 --> 00:34:50,878
We're all in my room.

747
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,413
No, of course I'm not there.
I'm here. In my basement.

748
00:34:54,415 --> 00:34:55,715
Where are you guys?

749
00:34:55,717 --> 00:34:57,917
HOGAN:
Are you fucking kidding me?

750
00:34:57,919 --> 00:35:00,953
He built a replica of your
bedroom in his basement?

751
00:35:00,955 --> 00:35:02,523
Good night, gentlemen.

752
00:35:10,264 --> 00:35:12,164
(SIGHS)

753
00:35:12,166 --> 00:35:13,766
Amateurs.

754
00:35:14,867 --> 00:35:16,534
Let's begin. Um...

755
00:35:16,536 --> 00:35:18,803
So, kind of a rough start.

756
00:35:18,805 --> 00:35:20,470
That was pretty standard,
actually.

757
00:35:20,472 --> 00:35:22,006
Yeah, Jerry's extreme.

758
00:35:22,008 --> 00:35:24,908
The masturbation was fake,
but the pleasure was real.

759
00:35:24,910 --> 00:35:27,977
I mean, I've said it before, but
we're not gonna tag him because,

760
00:35:27,979 --> 00:35:30,379
you know, he's better
at tag than us.

761
00:35:30,381 --> 00:35:32,215
I'm obviously going to be
the one that tags Jerry.

762
00:35:32,217 --> 00:35:36,317
I've been working with
this Japanese guy. Sensei.

763
00:35:36,319 --> 00:35:38,987
He knows zero karate.

764
00:35:38,989 --> 00:35:41,424
He doesn't know karate.
He's claiming to know karate?

765
00:35:43,326 --> 00:35:45,593
He doesn't know karate.
I don't think he knows karate.

766
00:35:45,595 --> 00:35:48,296
Well, then, what does he call it when I
roundhouse kicked him in 10th grade?

767
00:35:48,298 --> 00:35:51,098
Callahan and Chilli did get in a huge
fight sophomore year of high school

768
00:35:51,101 --> 00:35:55,969
and Callahan did... Just tag Chilli
with a beautiful roundhouse kick.

769
00:35:55,971 --> 00:35:58,941
But in Chilli's defense,
when Callahan kicked him...

770
00:36:00,008 --> 00:36:01,006
He shit in his pants!

771
00:36:01,008 --> 00:36:03,142
Yeah, okay,
that never happened.

772
00:36:03,144 --> 00:36:06,544
And it's nice to actually get an
opportunity to address it directly.

773
00:36:06,546 --> 00:36:07,847
By all means. I'm all ears.

774
00:36:07,849 --> 00:36:11,116
I mean, I was very sweaty.
It was warm out.

775
00:36:11,118 --> 00:36:15,153
Well, the sweaty ass defense? He's
been banging that drum for years.

776
00:36:15,155 --> 00:36:17,421
Hottest October on record,
if I recall. Look it up.

777
00:36:17,423 --> 00:36:19,190
Wall Street Journal,
you have fact checkers

778
00:36:19,192 --> 00:36:22,192
- for this exact scenario, right?
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

779
00:36:22,194 --> 00:36:24,594
While you're at it, can you have
the fact checkers look into

780
00:36:24,596 --> 00:36:26,230
if The Maury Povich Show
is staged?

781
00:36:26,232 --> 00:36:29,699
'Cause it feels staged
but he swears it's not staged.

782
00:36:29,701 --> 00:36:33,169
But they do the exact
same thing every time.

783
00:36:33,171 --> 00:36:34,571
What?

784
00:36:39,110 --> 00:36:41,544
- (CANS CLATTER)
- (SIGHS)

785
00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:49,350
(SNORING)

786
00:36:49,352 --> 00:36:52,922
(WHISPERS) Sable, I know where
Jerry's gonna be. I need the tag.

787
00:36:54,923 --> 00:36:56,091
Okay.

788
00:36:57,225 --> 00:37:00,459
Yeah. Just picked up the tux.

789
00:37:00,461 --> 00:37:02,895
All right, see you soon, babe.

790
00:37:02,897 --> 00:37:05,331
Hey, Rob, how're you doing, bud?
Good to see you.

791
00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:06,932
You, too, man.

792
00:37:06,934 --> 00:37:08,800
Gloria, ma'am.

793
00:37:08,802 --> 00:37:10,701
- BOY: My balloon!
- Whoa!

794
00:37:10,703 --> 00:37:12,837
Hey.
This must be yours, buddy.

795
00:37:12,839 --> 00:37:14,405
- Thanks, mister.
- Look at that.

796
00:37:14,407 --> 00:37:16,108
You gonna eat
that whole thing?

797
00:37:16,110 --> 00:37:18,575
You know what? You should
consider some alternative snacks.

798
00:37:18,577 --> 00:37:20,445
Keeping fitness fun, buddy.

799
00:37:23,682 --> 00:37:25,315
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT
OVER PA)

800
00:37:25,317 --> 00:37:26,785
(SQUEAKING)

801
00:37:28,086 --> 00:37:29,152
Oh!

802
00:37:29,154 --> 00:37:31,489
Excuse me, ma'am.
You dropped your...

803
00:37:33,724 --> 00:37:35,624
JERRY: Men's athletic
crossover-style boot

804
00:37:35,626 --> 00:37:36,992
size nine and a half.

805
00:37:36,994 --> 00:37:39,994
Suggests a man
that is neither fashionable

806
00:37:39,996 --> 00:37:41,131
nor athletic.

807
00:37:41,932 --> 00:37:43,066
Hoagie.

808
00:37:52,675 --> 00:37:54,573
Little does Hoagie know,

809
00:37:54,575 --> 00:37:57,175
I've been teaching a women's
self-defense boot camp for six years.

810
00:37:57,745 --> 00:37:59,112
First defense 101.

811
00:37:59,114 --> 00:38:00,515
Class is in session.

812
00:38:01,849 --> 00:38:03,785
(GRUNTS)

813
00:38:10,991 --> 00:38:12,826
Holy shit!

814
00:38:16,729 --> 00:38:18,097
(HOGAN GRUNTS)

815
00:38:29,174 --> 00:38:30,541
(SCREAMS)

816
00:38:42,485 --> 00:38:44,254
(HOGAN YELLS)

817
00:38:52,095 --> 00:38:53,626
- You're done, Hoagie.
- Never!

818
00:38:53,628 --> 00:38:54,894
You're done.

819
00:38:54,896 --> 00:38:55,996
Never!

820
00:38:55,998 --> 00:38:57,697
(GROWLS)

821
00:38:57,699 --> 00:38:59,065
All right, I'm done.

822
00:38:59,067 --> 00:39:00,133
(JERRY LAUGHS)

823
00:39:00,135 --> 00:39:01,633
Dude, you look amazing,
by the way.

824
00:39:01,635 --> 00:39:03,035
You've really upped your game!

825
00:39:03,037 --> 00:39:04,737
How'd you know
I was gonna be here?

826
00:39:04,739 --> 00:39:07,039
A-ha! Surprised you, right?

827
00:39:07,041 --> 00:39:08,907
I saw the pick-up ticket
for your tailor

828
00:39:08,909 --> 00:39:10,877
when we broke into your house
the other night.

829
00:39:13,046 --> 00:39:15,713
- Impressive.
- I'm taking you down, Jerry.

830
00:39:15,715 --> 00:39:17,348
Well, we both know
that's never gonna happen.

831
00:39:17,350 --> 00:39:19,484
Excuse me, excuse me.
Coming through. Excuse me.

832
00:39:19,486 --> 00:39:22,119
Oh, boy. Cavalry's coming in.

833
00:39:22,121 --> 00:39:23,787
Hey, Jerry.

834
00:39:23,789 --> 00:39:25,288
This old lady bothering you?

835
00:39:25,290 --> 00:39:27,823
I'm good, Marvin. Thanks, man.
Everything's all right.

836
00:39:27,825 --> 00:39:29,292
It's just a friend of mine.

837
00:39:29,294 --> 00:39:30,760
Hey, it's good to see you.
Looking good, brother.

838
00:39:30,762 --> 00:39:32,797
- My man.
- Yeah, staying in shape.

839
00:39:34,132 --> 00:39:36,165
What the fuck?

840
00:39:36,167 --> 00:39:38,367
All right, well, maybe I'll
call the police. All right?

841
00:39:38,369 --> 00:39:40,735
This is assault. You willing
to go to jail for this?

842
00:39:40,737 --> 00:39:42,670
You're goddamn right, I am.

843
00:39:42,672 --> 00:39:48,075
Okay, then, maybe I will cause a
big scene and get arrested also.

844
00:39:48,077 --> 00:39:51,145
Then, once we both
get to jail, I'll just...

845
00:39:51,147 --> 00:39:52,745
What? Bribe a guard?

846
00:39:52,747 --> 00:39:54,781
Be put in my cell? I figured you'd
say that. It's pretty obvious.

847
00:39:54,783 --> 00:39:57,117
Hoag, you have to realize
that's gonna take hours,

848
00:39:57,119 --> 00:39:59,485
during which time
I'll have fashioned a shiv

849
00:39:59,487 --> 00:40:02,021
from my toothbrush and used
it to murder my cellmate.

850
00:40:02,023 --> 00:40:03,655
You'd just shiv your cellmate?

851
00:40:03,657 --> 00:40:05,791
Don't worry, he's a bad person
who's done terrible things.

852
00:40:05,793 --> 00:40:07,427
So justice is served.

853
00:40:07,429 --> 00:40:09,394
- Okay.
- It gets me thrown in solitary confinement,

854
00:40:09,396 --> 00:40:13,831
which is what I want. Out of reach.
Completely untaggable.

855
00:40:13,833 --> 00:40:15,269
Damn, you have thought
this through.

856
00:40:16,702 --> 00:40:18,235
Pretty good, right?

857
00:40:18,237 --> 00:40:20,504
Look, understand two things,
Hoagie.

858
00:40:20,506 --> 00:40:22,972
First, you're not gonna
screw up this wedding. Okay?

859
00:40:22,974 --> 00:40:25,875
And secondly, I will never
let you tag me.

860
00:40:25,877 --> 00:40:28,344
You're gonna die before that ever happens.
You understand that, right?

861
00:40:28,346 --> 00:40:32,315
I don't fear death, Jerry. And
I'm not gonna give this up.

862
00:40:32,317 --> 00:40:33,715
Till I die.

863
00:40:33,717 --> 00:40:36,287
Okay. Good luck.

864
00:40:45,594 --> 00:40:47,663
See you at the rehearsal,
Jerry.

865
00:40:50,599 --> 00:40:53,133
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

866
00:40:53,135 --> 00:40:54,434
(HOGAN GRUNTS)

867
00:40:54,436 --> 00:40:56,336
These hushpuppies are insane.

868
00:40:56,338 --> 00:40:58,704
All right, listen.
T-minus 34 minutes

869
00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:01,874
until this rehearsal dinner is
over, and Jerry's fair game.

870
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:03,309
There's four of us,
there's four exits.

871
00:41:03,311 --> 00:41:04,676
Let's fan out
and trap this rat.

872
00:41:04,678 --> 00:41:06,212
Okay?
Synchronize your watches.

873
00:41:06,214 --> 00:41:08,280
- I don't know how to do that.
- I don't wear a watch.

874
00:41:08,282 --> 00:41:09,749
Time is a construct.

875
00:41:10,817 --> 00:41:12,984
Okay, uh... 5:00.

876
00:41:12,986 --> 00:41:14,618
Could have said
that at the beginning.

877
00:41:14,620 --> 00:41:16,087
Well, we said it now.

878
00:41:16,089 --> 00:41:19,123
- 5:00, how hard is that?
- 5:00, yeah, it's easy.

879
00:41:19,125 --> 00:41:20,791
- Hi, guys. How are you?
- How are ya?

880
00:41:20,793 --> 00:41:22,658
Sorry about the other night.

881
00:41:22,660 --> 00:41:24,294
Yeah, that wasn't cool.

882
00:41:24,296 --> 00:41:26,230
No. I mean, listen,
I know it's not just you guys.

883
00:41:26,232 --> 00:41:28,264
I mean, Jerry's worse
than all of you.

884
00:41:28,266 --> 00:41:30,066
He's very competitive.

885
00:41:30,068 --> 00:41:32,001
When we were kids,
we had a contest to see

886
00:41:32,003 --> 00:41:34,636
who could hold their breath
for the longest underwater.

887
00:41:34,638 --> 00:41:36,071
He almost died.

888
00:41:36,073 --> 00:41:38,673
He won, but at what cost?
Really?

889
00:41:38,675 --> 00:41:42,645
I hope he's this competitive
when it comes to being a father.

890
00:41:44,214 --> 00:41:45,880
Are you pregnant?

891
00:41:45,882 --> 00:41:48,082
- Really?
- Yeah, that's why the Shirley Temple.

892
00:41:48,084 --> 00:41:49,583
- Oh, my gosh!
- I know.

893
00:41:49,585 --> 00:41:51,085
- Here, cheers!
- Congratulations, that's great!

894
00:41:51,087 --> 00:41:52,553
- Cheers, thank you!
- Oh, my gosh!

895
00:41:52,555 --> 00:41:54,053
- That's such good news.
- Yeah.

896
00:41:54,055 --> 00:41:55,523
- We're not telling that many people.
- Okay.

897
00:41:55,525 --> 00:41:57,924
Listen, I know
it's gonna get a little wacky

898
00:41:57,926 --> 00:42:00,360
- over the next couple of days with you guys.
- Sure, the fuck is...

899
00:42:00,362 --> 00:42:01,429
Okay?

900
00:42:02,464 --> 00:42:04,330
Just don't go too far.

901
00:42:04,332 --> 00:42:07,466
And, go out there and play golf.
It's amazing. Do something fun.

902
00:42:07,468 --> 00:42:09,834
- Okay? Bye, guys.
- See ya.

903
00:42:09,836 --> 00:42:12,337
I like her. She has
a beautiful personality.

904
00:42:12,339 --> 00:42:14,238
Very effervescent.
Good energy.

905
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:16,007
Don't believe a word
she fucking says.

906
00:42:16,009 --> 00:42:17,674
She's a hired hand.
She's an actress.

907
00:42:17,676 --> 00:42:19,910
- What?
- I mean, look at this son of a bitch.

908
00:42:19,912 --> 00:42:22,145
- This is Colonel Sanders in the flesh.
- That's, like, her uncle.

909
00:42:22,147 --> 00:42:24,047
- It's the fucking Truman Show.
- Will you stop?

910
00:42:24,049 --> 00:42:26,183
The whole thing. Jerry set it up.
I guarantee it.

911
00:42:26,185 --> 00:42:28,318
Every single person here
has been hired.

912
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:29,752
You have gotta calm down.

913
00:42:29,754 --> 00:42:33,322
Hi. Nice to meet you.
I'm his wife.

914
00:42:33,324 --> 00:42:36,227
(STAMMERS)
Jerry, is that Cheryl Deakins?

915
00:42:41,632 --> 00:42:43,665
Ah! Yeah. Good.
Hey!

916
00:42:43,667 --> 00:42:45,967
- You invited her?
- Yeah, of course.

917
00:42:45,969 --> 00:42:48,702
What? We're all old friends.

918
00:42:48,704 --> 00:42:50,372
- Makes sense.
- I'm not buying this.

919
00:42:54,343 --> 00:42:55,475
Is that, uh...

920
00:42:55,477 --> 00:42:56,842
BOB: Cheryl Deakins.

921
00:42:56,844 --> 00:42:59,613
- You know she was coming, Bob?
- I did not.

922
00:42:59,615 --> 00:43:01,714
- I didn't either.
- She looks good.

923
00:43:01,716 --> 00:43:03,351
- Great. She always does.
- Yeah.

924
00:43:03,952 --> 00:43:05,451
CHILLI: Wow!

925
00:43:05,453 --> 00:43:08,053
Who is Cheryl Deakins?

926
00:43:08,055 --> 00:43:10,622
Is she like the Yoko
or something?

927
00:43:10,624 --> 00:43:12,991
I don't get that reference
but she's someone

928
00:43:12,993 --> 00:43:15,393
whose presence causes
strain on our group.

929
00:43:15,395 --> 00:43:18,929
We've known her since
grade school.

930
00:43:18,931 --> 00:43:23,101
SABLE: She was the first girl that
Chilli and Callahan had a crush on.

931
00:43:23,103 --> 00:43:26,537
When we were kids,
Cheryl was into Chilli.

932
00:43:26,539 --> 00:43:28,905
Much to Callahan's chagrin.

933
00:43:28,907 --> 00:43:30,673
But young love
is unpredictable.

934
00:43:30,675 --> 00:43:34,009
Later that same year, she
decided she was into Callahan.

935
00:43:34,011 --> 00:43:36,945
Much to Chilli's chagrin.

936
00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:40,251
But she always had a place
in her heart for Chilli.

937
00:43:49,058 --> 00:43:50,591
And this went on for decades.

938
00:43:50,593 --> 00:43:53,362
And all of a sudden, she just
married an orthodontist.

939
00:43:54,763 --> 00:43:56,329
They get all the chicks.

940
00:43:56,331 --> 00:43:57,497
What?

941
00:43:57,499 --> 00:43:59,266
How long has it been
since you've seen her?

942
00:43:59,268 --> 00:44:01,135
About 10 years for me.
How 'bout you?

943
00:44:01,902 --> 00:44:04,069
Same, I guess.

944
00:44:04,071 --> 00:44:05,938
BOB: Been a while.
CHILLI: Sure has.

945
00:44:05,940 --> 00:44:07,839
You sneaky trickster.

946
00:44:07,841 --> 00:44:10,476
She looks amazing, and you know it.
Think about this.

947
00:44:10,478 --> 00:44:14,078
What if Cheryl ended up getting
back together with our boy?

948
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,713
- Chilli?
- Callahan?

949
00:44:15,715 --> 00:44:17,048
Obviously.

950
00:44:17,050 --> 00:44:18,449
- Wait. What?
- Duh.

951
00:44:18,451 --> 00:44:20,317
- Did you say Chilli?
- You're Team Callahan?

952
00:44:20,319 --> 00:44:22,152
- Yeah!
- We've been married all this time and you think

953
00:44:22,154 --> 00:44:23,887
she should end up
with Callahan?

954
00:44:23,889 --> 00:44:25,821
Of course.
Wait, you think Chilli?

955
00:44:25,823 --> 00:44:27,890
Wait, do you know
those guys at all?

956
00:44:27,892 --> 00:44:29,825
Who are you right now?

957
00:44:29,827 --> 00:44:31,662
- What?
- You're freaking me out.

958
00:44:31,664 --> 00:44:34,798
I feel like I don't even know you.
You're like this foreign person.

959
00:44:36,099 --> 00:44:38,534
Do you want me to be
a foreign person?

960
00:44:38,536 --> 00:44:40,468
What?

961
00:44:40,470 --> 00:44:41,736
Here? Right now?

962
00:44:41,738 --> 00:44:45,607
Because I just got lost
on the way to bibliotheque

963
00:44:45,609 --> 00:44:48,042
and I don't know where all my
other French friends are.

964
00:44:48,044 --> 00:44:50,444
- Chantelle is here?
- Chantelle is here with...

965
00:44:50,446 --> 00:44:51,880
Oh, my God!

966
00:44:54,883 --> 00:44:57,584
Honey, it's almost 5:00.

967
00:44:57,586 --> 00:44:59,052
Keep your head in the game.

968
00:44:59,054 --> 00:45:00,553
You're so good.

969
00:45:00,555 --> 00:45:01,920
Come on, we'll go to the
bathroom for five minutes.

970
00:45:01,922 --> 00:45:03,189
All right.

971
00:45:03,191 --> 00:45:04,390
- It's crazy.
- Huh.

972
00:45:04,392 --> 00:45:06,091
Hey, you should go
talk with her.

973
00:45:06,093 --> 00:45:08,360
- No, you should go.
- Neither of you should.

974
00:45:08,362 --> 00:45:10,629
- Thanks.
- You're welcome. Neither one.

975
00:45:10,631 --> 00:45:11,896
Shut up, Sable.

976
00:45:11,898 --> 00:45:13,498
No, honestly,
it should be you, Bob.

977
00:45:13,500 --> 00:45:14,999
No, I think she really wants
to talk to you.

978
00:45:15,001 --> 00:45:17,635
'Cause I think
girls really like

979
00:45:17,637 --> 00:45:22,040
depressed guys that still have
a name for their bong.

980
00:45:25,577 --> 00:45:27,179
Get a good one.

981
00:45:29,247 --> 00:45:31,448
This is gonna go great.

982
00:45:31,450 --> 00:45:34,952
- Thank you.
- All right, good advice.

983
00:45:36,053 --> 00:45:38,554
Good luck.

984
00:45:38,556 --> 00:45:40,257
Tell her I said hi.

985
00:45:44,461 --> 00:45:46,094
Cheryl Deakins.

986
00:45:46,096 --> 00:45:48,162
Chilli Cilliano.

987
00:45:48,164 --> 00:45:49,896
How'd you know it was me?

988
00:45:49,898 --> 00:45:52,132
I'd know that faint smell of
sativa and Old Spice anywhere.

989
00:45:52,134 --> 00:45:54,134
Yeah. I had to get
a little stoned.

990
00:45:54,136 --> 00:45:57,270
I can't be sober at these things.
They're awful.

991
00:45:57,272 --> 00:45:59,238
That was the wrong choice,
man.

992
00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:01,540
- What?
- Neither of you should have gone,

993
00:46:01,542 --> 00:46:06,077
but if one of you should have went
then it should have been you.

994
00:46:06,079 --> 00:46:07,914
How many wines have you had?

995
00:46:09,082 --> 00:46:11,385
How many legs
does an octopus have?

996
00:46:12,652 --> 00:46:14,020
Well, eight.

997
00:46:16,122 --> 00:46:20,057
I see that you've been
rejecting fashion trends

998
00:46:20,059 --> 00:46:22,493
and haircuts and
maybe hygiene. I respect that.

999
00:46:22,495 --> 00:46:27,463
Well, I think respect is the key to the
beginning of rebuilding a friendship.

1000
00:46:27,465 --> 00:46:29,899
- Is that a saying? Maybe?
- Yeah, sure. Who said that?

1001
00:46:29,901 --> 00:46:33,770
I don't know. I wanna hear
about this husband of yours.

1002
00:46:33,772 --> 00:46:38,473
What's the story? Is he still
charming, sensible, rich?

1003
00:46:38,475 --> 00:46:40,675
No. Dead.

1004
00:46:40,677 --> 00:46:42,811
Yeah, same with me.

1005
00:46:42,813 --> 00:46:45,312
Dead to me. Divorced.

1006
00:46:45,314 --> 00:46:49,916
No, I mean he's "dead" dead.
He actually died.

1007
00:46:49,918 --> 00:46:51,685
He's dead?

1008
00:46:51,687 --> 00:46:53,454
For real?

1009
00:46:53,456 --> 00:46:54,855
Oh...

1010
00:46:54,857 --> 00:46:59,659
Yeah, he died in a car crash.
We were separated already.

1011
00:46:59,661 --> 00:47:01,093
You already separated.

1012
00:47:01,095 --> 00:47:03,028
- Yeah.
- And now he's dead. He's gone.

1013
00:47:03,030 --> 00:47:04,196
- He's gone.
- Officially.

1014
00:47:04,198 --> 00:47:06,900
Act a little more
upset about it.

1015
00:47:06,902 --> 00:47:09,268
I know, but, anyway,
how are you? How's your life?

1016
00:47:09,270 --> 00:47:13,971
Great. I lost my business. Divorced.
Playing tag competitively.

1017
00:47:13,973 --> 00:47:15,473
Pretty much rock bottom.

1018
00:47:15,475 --> 00:47:17,608
- Are you trying to make me horny?
- Fuck yes, I am.

1019
00:47:17,610 --> 00:47:19,377
- 'Cause it's happening.
- It is?

1020
00:47:19,379 --> 00:47:20,944
Oh, yeah.

1021
00:47:20,946 --> 00:47:22,379
(SIGHS)

1022
00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:24,181
So have you tried
the hushpuppies, or what?

1023
00:47:24,183 --> 00:47:26,716
What do you think
they're talking about?

1024
00:47:26,718 --> 00:47:29,318
I don't know, and I don't want
you to worry about it.

1025
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:30,854
We've got 15 minutes.

1026
00:47:30,856 --> 00:47:36,459
Oh, Chilli, I think about you
all the time, Chilli.

1027
00:47:36,461 --> 00:47:38,828
Oh, yeah? But what about Callahan?
He's so handsome.

1028
00:47:38,830 --> 00:47:41,963
He's very handsome,
but he's a selfish lover.

1029
00:47:41,965 --> 00:47:43,364
With a small dick.

1030
00:47:43,366 --> 00:47:46,303
- Really? Okay.
- Plus he sobs after he comes.

1031
00:47:47,337 --> 00:47:48,636
Wow.

1032
00:47:48,638 --> 00:47:50,738
It's okay, Callahan.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.

1033
00:47:50,740 --> 00:47:52,606
Okay, you know what?
You guys are all 12-year-olds.

1034
00:47:52,608 --> 00:47:53,740
Oh, Chilli.

1035
00:47:53,742 --> 00:47:56,610
SABLE: Hey, Cheryl,
I want to reconnect.

1036
00:47:56,612 --> 00:47:59,679
Oh, yeah.

1037
00:47:59,681 --> 00:48:01,547
- What's happening now?
- Oh, Bob!

1038
00:48:01,549 --> 00:48:04,617
Yeah, I'm just... Oh, I'm
just feeling the vibes.

1039
00:48:04,619 --> 00:48:08,453
JERRY: I mean, who wants to
have sex with a guy named Bob?

1040
00:48:08,455 --> 00:48:11,323
"Oh, Bob." Just doesn't sound right.
"Oh, Bob."

1041
00:48:11,325 --> 00:48:13,190
- "Oh, Bob."
- "Oh, Bob."

1042
00:48:13,192 --> 00:48:15,660
- "Bob. Bob, Bob."
- "Oh, Robert."

1043
00:48:15,662 --> 00:48:16,661
"Bob."

1044
00:48:16,663 --> 00:48:18,362
I wasn't gonna text you,
you know?

1045
00:48:18,364 --> 00:48:19,563
I didn't wanna mess with you
when you were married.

1046
00:48:19,565 --> 00:48:21,465
No, I think that's nice.
Respectful.

1047
00:48:21,467 --> 00:48:22,466
If I knew he was dead, I would
have texted right away.

1048
00:48:22,468 --> 00:48:23,801
All right. Okay.

1049
00:48:23,803 --> 00:48:25,970
- No! Please don't leave on that!
- No, it's fine.

1050
00:48:25,972 --> 00:48:28,171
We're good, we're good. I'm just
gonna use the ladies' room.

1051
00:48:28,173 --> 00:48:30,773
- I'll see you later. It's nice to see you.
- Okay. It's great to see you.

1052
00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:32,042
You, too.

1053
00:48:35,780 --> 00:48:37,248
Widowed.

1054
00:48:54,229 --> 00:48:56,263
Cheryl Deakins.

1055
00:48:56,265 --> 00:48:58,097
What are you doing here?

1056
00:48:58,099 --> 00:48:59,399
And where are the urinals?

1057
00:48:59,401 --> 00:49:02,268
Probably in the men's room.

1058
00:49:02,270 --> 00:49:04,136
- You haven't changed a bit.
- Thank you.

1059
00:49:04,138 --> 00:49:07,106
- No, that was not a compliment.
- Well...

1060
00:49:07,108 --> 00:49:08,974
- I have matured.
- Have you? Really?

1061
00:49:08,976 --> 00:49:11,710
Because this old move where you
follow me into the bathroom

1062
00:49:11,712 --> 00:49:13,444
it's exactly what you did
at junior prom.

1063
00:49:13,446 --> 00:49:16,180
It was a good move then,
and it's a good move now.

1064
00:49:16,182 --> 00:49:17,882
- Marginally nicer bathroom.
- Hmm.

1065
00:49:17,884 --> 00:49:19,349
Do you wanna get a drink?

1066
00:49:19,351 --> 00:49:21,151
Actually, I think I'm gonna
head home.

1067
00:49:21,153 --> 00:49:22,719
Can I give you a ride?

1068
00:49:22,721 --> 00:49:24,354
- Sure.
- Great.

1069
00:49:24,356 --> 00:49:27,526
- Right after we have that drink.
- Oh, I see what you did there.

1070
00:49:31,396 --> 00:49:32,595
Okay, guys.
It's almost go time.

1071
00:49:32,597 --> 00:49:34,730
Is everybody in position?
Over.

1072
00:49:34,732 --> 00:49:37,098
Sable is in position.

1073
00:49:37,101 --> 00:49:38,567
(COUGHS)

1074
00:49:38,569 --> 00:49:40,502
- HOGAN: Chilli!
- Yeah. Let's get him.

1075
00:49:40,504 --> 00:49:43,740
HOGAN: Callahan. Callahan,
do you read me? Over.

1076
00:49:45,943 --> 00:49:48,111
Callahan.
Where are you, buddy?

1077
00:49:50,913 --> 00:49:52,446
Callahan!

1078
00:49:52,448 --> 00:49:54,784
We got an unguarded exit,
okay?

1079
00:49:55,685 --> 00:49:57,317
Hi.

1080
00:49:57,319 --> 00:49:58,787
(YELLS) Callahan!

1081
00:50:05,827 --> 00:50:07,159
Go! Go! Go! Go!

1082
00:50:07,161 --> 00:50:08,760
(SCREAMS) Go!

1083
00:50:08,762 --> 00:50:10,464
Not today, motherfucker!

1084
00:50:11,732 --> 00:50:13,801
Hey, thanks for coming.
Appreciate it.

1085
00:50:19,072 --> 00:50:20,304
Go! Go!

1086
00:50:20,306 --> 00:50:22,307
Come and get it, bitches!

1087
00:50:24,343 --> 00:50:27,279
HOGAN: Get in! Get in!
We're close. We're close.

1088
00:50:41,524 --> 00:50:44,227
- Hold on! Hold on!
- SABLE: Go, go!

1089
00:50:45,128 --> 00:50:47,227
SABLE: Go faster! Go faster!

1090
00:50:47,229 --> 00:50:48,632
Giddy up!

1091
00:50:49,933 --> 00:50:51,634
HOGAN: We're coming for you!

1092
00:50:58,907 --> 00:51:01,209
(ALL YELLING)

1093
00:51:03,711 --> 00:51:04,777
Incoming!

1094
00:51:04,779 --> 00:51:06,045
No, no, no!

1095
00:51:06,047 --> 00:51:07,515
Go! Go!

1096
00:51:10,283 --> 00:51:11,850
God, I wish I had my gun here.

1097
00:51:11,852 --> 00:51:13,885
There are so many good birds
to shoot.

1098
00:51:13,887 --> 00:51:15,587
(CLEARS THROAT)

1099
00:51:15,589 --> 00:51:17,689
- So, this is a vacation for you?
- Yeah.

1100
00:51:17,691 --> 00:51:20,891
I mean some couples go on cruises.
Some couples go camping.

1101
00:51:20,893 --> 00:51:24,928
Some couples go to strip clubs
and have gangbangs,

1102
00:51:24,930 --> 00:51:27,230
and this is just what we do.
This is what we love.

1103
00:51:27,232 --> 00:51:29,265
This is our gangbang.

1104
00:51:29,267 --> 00:51:31,668
You know, it seems to me like
you'd be really good at the game.

1105
00:51:31,670 --> 00:51:33,536
- Why don't you play?
- Well,

1106
00:51:33,538 --> 00:51:36,039
They came up with the rules when
they were nine. No girls allowed.

1107
00:51:36,041 --> 00:51:40,542
And to be honest, I can get
a little overly aggressive

1108
00:51:40,544 --> 00:51:42,377
and competitive sometimes.

1109
00:51:42,379 --> 00:51:44,913
HOGAN: Come on, Jerry.
You're dead meat!

1110
00:51:44,915 --> 00:51:46,280
Yeah!

1111
00:51:46,282 --> 00:51:48,050
Keep your eyes downfield!

1112
00:51:48,052 --> 00:51:49,784
Cut across the fourth fairway!

1113
00:51:49,786 --> 00:51:51,351
Don't fuck this up!

1114
00:51:51,353 --> 00:51:54,521
Yeah. Well.

1115
00:51:54,523 --> 00:51:57,225
Oh, I have to show you
pictures of our kids.

1116
00:51:59,394 --> 00:52:00,962
Go, go, go!

1117
00:52:02,329 --> 00:52:03,830
SABLE: Hoagie, get him.

1118
00:52:03,832 --> 00:52:05,366
Hold on. Hold on.

1119
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:07,966
Hoagie, stop!

1120
00:52:07,968 --> 00:52:09,200
No. Hoagie.

1121
00:52:09,202 --> 00:52:11,870
- What are you doing?
- I can't see!

1122
00:52:11,872 --> 00:52:13,373
(GRUNTS)

1123
00:52:20,212 --> 00:52:21,547
(GASPS)

1124
00:52:23,382 --> 00:52:25,048
(SIGHS)

1125
00:52:25,050 --> 00:52:27,118
- Everybody good?
- I'm fine.

1126
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:28,453
I'm fine.

1127
00:52:30,089 --> 00:52:31,522
Well, that happened.

1128
00:52:32,191 --> 00:52:34,490
Onward.

1129
00:52:34,492 --> 00:52:37,227
- Let's get him.
- That was invigorating.

1130
00:52:41,598 --> 00:52:44,234
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1131
00:52:49,739 --> 00:52:53,907
HOGAN: That is psychological
warfare right there.

1132
00:52:53,909 --> 00:52:56,143
CHILLI: That's impressive.
HOGAN: Yeah, that's a good move.

1133
00:52:56,145 --> 00:52:57,813
Good one, Jer!

1134
00:52:59,948 --> 00:53:01,714
(WHISTLES)

1135
00:53:01,716 --> 00:53:03,850
There he is!

1136
00:53:03,852 --> 00:53:04,919
Hello, boys.

1137
00:53:07,821 --> 00:53:08,954
What?

1138
00:53:08,956 --> 00:53:11,389
(JERRY WHISTLES)

1139
00:53:11,391 --> 00:53:12,624
CHILLI:
Okay, how's he doing this?

1140
00:53:12,626 --> 00:53:13,859
All right, Jerry, stop!

1141
00:53:13,861 --> 00:53:15,292
SABLE: He's multiplying!
It's happening!

1142
00:53:15,294 --> 00:53:16,928
- What the fuck?
- There's one!

1143
00:53:16,930 --> 00:53:19,296
(ALL SCREAM)

1144
00:53:19,298 --> 00:53:21,297
- Hey!
- What?

1145
00:53:21,299 --> 00:53:24,300
There's so many.
There's so many!

1146
00:53:24,302 --> 00:53:26,237
There he is!
I'm coming for you, Jerry!

1147
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:27,672
Chilli, you're not even it!

1148
00:53:28,207 --> 00:53:30,274
(PANTING)

1149
00:53:35,846 --> 00:53:37,448
I'm on your ass!

1150
00:53:39,083 --> 00:53:40,518
(YELLS) Come on!

1151
00:53:49,324 --> 00:53:51,027
Oh, shit!

1152
00:53:51,795 --> 00:53:53,562
Shit!

1153
00:54:00,803 --> 00:54:03,969
This is terrible.
This is pure bullshit.

1154
00:54:03,971 --> 00:54:05,304
We should not be here.

1155
00:54:05,306 --> 00:54:07,807
This is gettin'
way too extreme.

1156
00:54:07,809 --> 00:54:09,507
I need you to buck up, Sable.

1157
00:54:09,509 --> 00:54:11,076
- Yeah.
- Come on, let's stay focused.

1158
00:54:11,078 --> 00:54:13,847
Yeah, we bucked up
out of the goddamn golf cart.

1159
00:54:18,218 --> 00:54:20,350
You smell that?
Do you smell it?

1160
00:54:20,352 --> 00:54:21,952
It's Jerry. I smell him.

1161
00:54:21,954 --> 00:54:23,587
It's leaves and grass.

1162
00:54:23,589 --> 00:54:25,289
And centipedes.

1163
00:54:25,291 --> 00:54:27,157
Just typical woods stuff.

1164
00:54:27,159 --> 00:54:28,693
He's close.

1165
00:54:29,460 --> 00:54:30,626
I can feel it.

1166
00:54:30,628 --> 00:54:31,894
I can feel something.

1167
00:54:31,896 --> 00:54:33,196
(CRACKLING)

1168
00:54:33,198 --> 00:54:34,933
Oh, shit!

1169
00:54:36,835 --> 00:54:38,900
- Jesus. Oh, my God.
- Shit.

1170
00:54:38,902 --> 00:54:41,136
- Oh, my God.
- Wow, that's crazy.

1171
00:54:41,138 --> 00:54:42,637
(HOGAN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

1172
00:54:42,639 --> 00:54:45,441
Our friend is a psychopath,
and this is scary.

1173
00:54:46,110 --> 00:54:48,310
He got me. I'm down.

1174
00:54:48,312 --> 00:54:51,245
This is on you now. Come here.

1175
00:54:51,247 --> 00:54:53,180
Let me tag you.

1176
00:54:53,182 --> 00:54:54,449
Come on!

1177
00:54:56,085 --> 00:54:57,750
All right.

1178
00:54:57,752 --> 00:54:59,419
(WHISPERS) I can see him.

1179
00:54:59,421 --> 00:55:02,555
He's at three o'clock.
50 yards out.

1180
00:55:02,557 --> 00:55:04,725
- Three o'clock. Got it.
- Three o'clock.

1181
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,095
(WHISPERS) Sable!

1182
00:55:10,363 --> 00:55:12,197
That three o'clock.

1183
00:55:12,199 --> 00:55:14,266
- You didn't say which time zone, man!
- That's not time zones.

1184
00:55:14,268 --> 00:55:16,767
Why didn't you just point the first time?
Next time, just point.

1185
00:55:16,769 --> 00:55:18,970
It's that way. Go!
Go, go, go!

1186
00:55:18,972 --> 00:55:21,007
Go, Sable, go!

1187
00:55:30,015 --> 00:55:32,483
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

1188
00:55:41,491 --> 00:55:42,926
(GASPS)

1189
00:55:44,228 --> 00:55:45,896
I see you.

1190
00:55:48,198 --> 00:55:49,933
Yeah, motherfucker.

1191
00:55:55,137 --> 00:55:56,502
You're it!

1192
00:55:56,504 --> 00:55:58,740
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1193
00:56:08,383 --> 00:56:09,750
Oh, I don't like that.

1194
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:15,923
Shh.

1195
00:56:17,157 --> 00:56:18,158
Sleep.

1196
00:56:23,829 --> 00:56:24,830
Sable?

1197
00:56:26,032 --> 00:56:27,033
Sable?

1198
00:56:41,412 --> 00:56:42,678
What happened?

1199
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:43,812
We got chloroformed.

1200
00:56:43,814 --> 00:56:45,680
Chloroformed? What?

1201
00:56:45,682 --> 00:56:49,517
Bob took our car, and now we're in a Lyft.
We're going to the Sandpiper.

1202
00:56:49,519 --> 00:56:50,885
I don't wanna be it anymore.

1203
00:56:50,887 --> 00:56:52,519
I don't wanna be it.
Hoagie, it's on you, bud.

1204
00:56:52,521 --> 00:56:53,988
SABLE: Now, what the fuck?

1205
00:56:53,990 --> 00:56:56,122
Wait. I'm confused.
What just happened in there?

1206
00:56:56,124 --> 00:56:58,692
Well, Jerry woke up early,
got some grounds crew

1207
00:56:58,694 --> 00:57:01,795
to go out in the woods, build some
snares and a swinging log trap

1208
00:57:01,797 --> 00:57:05,030
and wear matching outfits
to act as decoys.

1209
00:57:05,032 --> 00:57:06,435
Maniac.

1210
00:57:08,736 --> 00:57:10,103
Are you okay?

1211
00:57:10,105 --> 00:57:13,305
Yes, yes. I am. I'm good.

1212
00:57:13,307 --> 00:57:16,207
I am amazed that you're able to
stay so optimistic after all that.

1213
00:57:16,209 --> 00:57:19,111
Well, some have said I am the
heart and soul of the game.

1214
00:57:19,113 --> 00:57:20,278
No, you've said that.

1215
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,479
You're the only person
I've heard say that.

1216
00:57:22,481 --> 00:57:29,052
Well, technically "just me" fits the legal
definition of "some" so suck a dick.

1217
00:57:29,054 --> 00:57:32,155
Well, it seems like the game has
really kept you guys connected.

1218
00:57:32,157 --> 00:57:34,156
- Exactly.
- Well, except Jerry.

1219
00:57:34,158 --> 00:57:35,324
What? Don't say that.

1220
00:57:35,326 --> 00:57:38,027
How often do you see Jerry
outside of tag?

1221
00:57:38,029 --> 00:57:40,162
Well, not super frequently,
but...

1222
00:57:40,164 --> 00:57:43,233
Would you consider that
a close friendship?

1223
00:57:45,135 --> 00:57:47,570
Well, that's kind of
a dicky question.

1224
00:57:57,114 --> 00:57:58,147
HOGAN: Thank you.

1225
00:57:59,415 --> 00:58:03,718
All I'm saying is Callahan
better fucking be here.

1226
00:58:08,022 --> 00:58:09,389
(HOGAN CHUCKLES)

1227
00:58:09,391 --> 00:58:11,923
- What's up? What?
- Look who decided to show up.

1228
00:58:11,925 --> 00:58:14,592
What? I had a business call with Beijing.
Couldn't be helped. I'm sorry.

1229
00:58:14,594 --> 00:58:17,262
Business call with Beijing? It would
have been 8:00 a.m. Saturday out there.

1230
00:58:17,264 --> 00:58:19,398
You doing business calls
at 8:00 a.m. Saturday morning?

1231
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,232
Why do you know so much
about Beijing time zones?

1232
00:58:21,234 --> 00:58:25,103
2008 Olympics.
Michael Phelps, baby.

1233
00:58:25,105 --> 00:58:27,037
Fair enough.
Okay, anyway, I have an idea.

1234
00:58:27,039 --> 00:58:28,538
- Anybody want to hear it?
- Yes.

1235
00:58:28,540 --> 00:58:30,907
- What is it?
- Jerry's gym.

1236
00:58:30,909 --> 00:58:32,475
Someone there's gotta know
where he is.

1237
00:58:32,477 --> 00:58:34,910
- I like this. That's a good idea.
- Great!

1238
00:58:34,912 --> 00:58:36,912
- Up top! Buckle up, gang!
- Yes! Giddy up!

1239
00:58:36,914 --> 00:58:38,347
- You're it, by the way.
- What's wrong?

1240
00:58:38,349 --> 00:58:40,416
- My fucking knee.
- What's wrong with your knee?

1241
00:58:40,418 --> 00:58:41,749
I got hit by a log.

1242
00:58:41,751 --> 00:58:43,551
You got hit by a log, what?

1243
00:58:43,553 --> 00:58:45,421
We were chasing him. I got hit by
a fucking log. It really hurts.

1244
00:58:45,423 --> 00:58:47,121
I'm gonna go in. Fuck, I'm
pissed off about this, but go.

1245
00:58:47,123 --> 00:58:49,123
You want me to call
the pediatrician?

1246
00:58:49,125 --> 00:58:51,125
- I'm an adult. I don't need a pediatrician.
- You're not coming?

1247
00:58:51,127 --> 00:58:53,494
I think I'm gonna slow you down.
Why don't you guys go?

1248
00:58:53,496 --> 00:58:54,761
After the gym, let's meet up.

1249
00:58:54,763 --> 00:58:55,896
All right, fine.

1250
00:58:55,898 --> 00:58:57,030
Trust me, I wanna go...

1251
00:58:57,032 --> 00:58:59,866
Y'all need a sub? Huh?
I'm in!

1252
00:58:59,868 --> 00:59:02,202
HOGAN: We're super good, man.
Thanks!

1253
00:59:02,204 --> 00:59:03,503
We're good.

1254
00:59:03,505 --> 00:59:06,205
Who's banned now, bitch?

1255
00:59:06,207 --> 00:59:09,943
(GRUNTS) I'm okay. All right, guys.
Take it easy!

1256
00:59:11,745 --> 00:59:13,745
(LOU GASPS)

1257
00:59:13,747 --> 00:59:15,816
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1258
00:59:21,388 --> 00:59:23,353
Oh, that knee healed up fast.

1259
00:59:23,355 --> 00:59:25,057
Stay out of this, Lou.

1260
00:59:29,261 --> 00:59:31,229
LOU: Oh, you saucy devil.

1261
00:59:42,072 --> 00:59:45,340
Hey, there, welcome to Granite Fitness.
Get hard, stay hard.

1262
00:59:45,342 --> 00:59:49,111
Just so you guys know, we're going
to be closing in five short minutes,

1263
00:59:49,113 --> 00:59:50,945
but is there anything
I can help you with?

1264
00:59:50,947 --> 00:59:53,214
Yes, Dave, in fact there is
something you could help us with.

1265
00:59:53,216 --> 00:59:55,784
How would you
like to earn $500?

1266
01:00:02,656 --> 01:00:06,125
Okay, just so you guys know, I'm not
sucking your guys' dicks, all right?

1267
01:00:06,127 --> 01:00:07,726
And I'm not letting you
suck my dick either.

1268
01:00:07,728 --> 01:00:10,628
No one is talking about anyone
sucking anyone's anything.

1269
01:00:10,630 --> 01:00:14,099
You sure about that? 'Cause
this guy's eyeing me hard.

1270
01:00:14,102 --> 01:00:15,800
- What?
- I'm just saying, man,

1271
01:00:15,802 --> 01:00:17,368
- you've got that vibe.
- Yeah?

1272
01:00:17,370 --> 01:00:18,503
Stop it.

1273
01:00:18,505 --> 01:00:20,004
Hey, Sable, seriously. Chill.

1274
01:00:20,006 --> 01:00:21,305
- Just stop it.
- Stop it?

1275
01:00:21,307 --> 01:00:23,840
It's too sexual.
You're undressing me,

1276
01:00:23,842 --> 01:00:25,476
literally, right now
with your eyes.

1277
01:00:25,478 --> 01:00:31,414
Dave. 500 bucks, and all we
want is to know where Jerry is.

1278
01:00:31,416 --> 01:00:36,018
Oh! Jerry. Yes, okay, shit.

1279
01:00:36,020 --> 01:00:39,787
He did mention that some people were
gonna swing by looking for him.

1280
01:00:39,789 --> 01:00:42,591
He left a message.
Oh, yeah.

1281
01:00:42,593 --> 01:00:44,192
Go fuck yourselves.

1282
01:00:44,194 --> 01:00:46,494
Okay, look. $1,000.
All right? Easy money.

1283
01:00:46,496 --> 01:00:48,062
Jerry won't even know
that you sold him out.

1284
01:00:48,064 --> 01:00:49,930
I got a better idea.
Why don't you go back

1285
01:00:49,932 --> 01:00:52,367
to the little Best Western
that you're staying in

1286
01:00:52,369 --> 01:00:54,602
and jerk each other off
in the nude?

1287
01:00:54,604 --> 01:00:57,070
Why do you keep taking this
conversation into a sexual direction?

1288
01:00:57,072 --> 01:01:00,307
Listen, Dave. $1,500.
Don't be an idiot.

1289
01:01:00,309 --> 01:01:02,041
Not a chance,
you dick-suckin' homophobes.

1290
01:01:02,043 --> 01:01:04,310
- Hey!
- What?

1291
01:01:04,312 --> 01:01:06,212
Dave?

1292
01:01:06,214 --> 01:01:07,513
Do you know
what we're gonna do?

1293
01:01:07,515 --> 01:01:09,016
What?

1294
01:01:12,186 --> 01:01:14,888
We're gonna waterboard you.

1295
01:01:25,797 --> 01:01:27,198
Don't be a hero, Dave.

1296
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:29,401
Jerry doesn't give
a shit about you.

1297
01:01:30,735 --> 01:01:32,368
So tell us where he is.

1298
01:01:32,370 --> 01:01:33,904
I'm never gonna tell you.

1299
01:01:34,673 --> 01:01:37,407
Last chance, Dave.

1300
01:01:37,409 --> 01:01:39,775
You're not gonna go through
with this for some game,

1301
01:01:39,777 --> 01:01:41,278
so quit jerking me off!

1302
01:01:42,613 --> 01:01:43,945
Oh, Jesus.

1303
01:01:43,947 --> 01:01:45,380
No one's jerking you off, kid.

1304
01:01:45,382 --> 01:01:47,416
'Cause Jerry has pushed us
to the fucking edge.

1305
01:01:47,418 --> 01:01:49,350
If you don't tell us
what we need to know,

1306
01:01:49,352 --> 01:01:51,552
you're going over
the edge with us.

1307
01:01:51,554 --> 01:01:53,221
You ready to die
for this shit?

1308
01:01:53,223 --> 01:01:54,854
I'd rather die than get
sucked off by you homophobes.

1309
01:01:54,856 --> 01:01:58,091
We're not gonna suck you off,
we're gonna waterboard you.

1310
01:01:58,093 --> 01:01:59,926
I'm just taking
a principled stand right now.

1311
01:01:59,928 --> 01:02:02,462
Okay. Well, guess what. Now,
this is gonna happen. All right?

1312
01:02:02,464 --> 01:02:04,431
Are you ready? I hope you
can hold your breath, son!

1313
01:02:04,433 --> 01:02:05,465
Do it!

1314
01:02:05,467 --> 01:02:07,333
BOB: 'Cause this is going
right down!

1315
01:02:07,335 --> 01:02:09,568
- Yeah!
- You son of a bitch!

1316
01:02:09,570 --> 01:02:10,768
BOB: Here it comes!

1317
01:02:10,770 --> 01:02:12,036
It's coming! It's coming!

1318
01:02:12,038 --> 01:02:13,805
Yeah. You know, we should not.

1319
01:02:13,807 --> 01:02:16,474
I feel like it would be too much.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1320
01:02:16,476 --> 01:02:17,842
That got outta hand.

1321
01:02:17,844 --> 01:02:19,344
My heart is beating
really fast right now.

1322
01:02:19,346 --> 01:02:21,512
We were just kidding,
we were just bluffing.

1323
01:02:21,514 --> 01:02:24,214
- No, we weren't fucking bluffing!
- Anna, Anna, Anna!

1324
01:02:24,216 --> 01:02:26,583
- Oh, my God, no. Just, no.
- Sweetheart.

1325
01:02:26,585 --> 01:02:29,785
It's a war crime, right?
It's not really who we are.

1326
01:02:29,787 --> 01:02:30,920
Yep, sorry.

1327
01:02:30,922 --> 01:02:33,089
We got a kinky cat over here.

1328
01:02:33,091 --> 01:02:34,757
- Okay.
- Fuck you, Dave.

1329
01:02:34,759 --> 01:02:36,758
God, I love your passion.

1330
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:38,463
I'll tell you what.

1331
01:02:40,230 --> 01:02:44,032
I will tell you where
Jerry's gonna be

1332
01:02:44,034 --> 01:02:47,901
for $2,000. Cash. American.

1333
01:02:47,903 --> 01:02:49,304
- Okay, fine.
- No problem.

1334
01:02:49,306 --> 01:02:50,705
Why didn't you say that
in the first place?

1335
01:02:50,707 --> 01:02:52,806
Why did you take us down
this whole road?

1336
01:02:52,808 --> 01:02:55,276
It looked like there was room to negotiate,
and I was all prepared to do that.

1337
01:02:55,278 --> 01:02:57,511
But then we went down
the whole torture track

1338
01:02:57,513 --> 01:03:02,282
and I dug my heels in, philosophically.
I happen to be an objector.

1339
01:03:02,284 --> 01:03:04,950
- We are too, obviously.
- Not really.

1340
01:03:04,952 --> 01:03:06,653
That was a bluff.

1341
01:03:06,655 --> 01:03:07,819
You know what? You should
probably not write this down

1342
01:03:07,821 --> 01:03:09,288
and if it does come up,

1343
01:03:09,290 --> 01:03:12,024
just mention that we didn't
actually waterboard him.

1344
01:03:12,026 --> 01:03:13,492
No waterboarding.

1345
01:03:13,494 --> 01:03:16,395
Just a lot of talk about
sucking each other's dicks.

1346
01:03:16,397 --> 01:03:18,195
Yeah.

1347
01:03:18,197 --> 01:03:19,864
Okay, look, you know what?
Here.

1348
01:03:19,866 --> 01:03:24,237
I'm gonna give you $2,000, and
I'm gonna give you an extra

1349
01:03:24,903 --> 01:03:26,370
$500.

1350
01:03:26,372 --> 01:03:28,138
You just carry around
that kind of cash all day?

1351
01:03:28,140 --> 01:03:29,973
You were mentioning something
about Jerry, I think.

1352
01:03:29,975 --> 01:03:32,144
Yeah, Jerry is...

1353
01:03:32,678 --> 01:03:34,009
He's in AA.

1354
01:03:34,011 --> 01:03:36,445
- Wait, what?
- Yeah. Alcoholics Anonymous.

1355
01:03:36,447 --> 01:03:38,748
I know what it stands for. Wait, did
you guys know anything about this?

1356
01:03:38,750 --> 01:03:41,849
He goes there every morning
at a church on Brunswick.

1357
01:03:41,851 --> 01:03:43,585
Looking back,
I can kinda see it.

1358
01:03:43,587 --> 01:03:46,722
I mean, the first step is
recognizing you have a problem.

1359
01:03:46,724 --> 01:03:49,757
I'm just glad he's getting
the help he needs.

1360
01:03:49,759 --> 01:03:51,693
Sorry, did you say
that church is on Brunswick?

1361
01:03:51,695 --> 01:03:53,060
- Yes.
- Okay!

1362
01:03:53,062 --> 01:03:54,529
- Let's go! Clean up the water!
- Thank you!

1363
01:03:54,531 --> 01:03:56,863
So sorry.

1364
01:03:56,865 --> 01:03:59,599
I told you this wasn't gonna be just
another boring corporate profile, right?

1365
01:03:59,601 --> 01:04:01,200
Right.
This is definitely different.

1366
01:04:01,202 --> 01:04:03,737
And I know I'm no longer
the center of the story,

1367
01:04:03,739 --> 01:04:06,474
which is fine with me.
I don't mind giving up the...

1368
01:04:09,042 --> 01:04:11,276
Bob, can I buy you a drink?

1369
01:04:11,278 --> 01:04:13,044
Can you fucking believe this?
Hold on one second.

1370
01:04:13,046 --> 01:04:15,082
- Maybe...
- One second, one second.

1371
01:04:17,017 --> 01:04:20,752
Hi! Hi! Wow! Look at this.

1372
01:04:20,754 --> 01:04:22,119
- How you doing?
- Good.

1373
01:04:22,121 --> 01:04:23,187
Pretty good.
Yeah, we're just catching up.

1374
01:04:23,189 --> 01:04:24,822
That's so nice.
How's that knee?

1375
01:04:24,824 --> 01:04:26,690
- It actually does hurt.
- Yeah.

1376
01:04:26,692 --> 01:04:29,727
But resting and talking to an old
friend has actually really helped.

1377
01:04:29,729 --> 01:04:31,394
Thank you for asking.

1378
01:04:31,396 --> 01:04:33,363
- How was the business call with Beijing?
- Super good.

1379
01:04:33,365 --> 01:04:34,831
- It was?
- Yeah, I got a lot done.

1380
01:04:34,833 --> 01:04:36,366
Great.

1381
01:04:36,368 --> 01:04:38,133
What, you think I faked
my business call to Beijing

1382
01:04:38,135 --> 01:04:39,602
like you faked
hurting your knee?

1383
01:04:39,604 --> 01:04:41,636
You know what, dude?
I'm sick of this shit, Bob.

1384
01:04:41,638 --> 01:04:43,572
- You're it. How 'bout that?
- No! Pass.

1385
01:04:43,574 --> 01:04:45,474
- You can't pass. And you can't tag back.
- You're it. I pass.

1386
01:04:45,476 --> 01:04:47,174
- Oh, my God.
- It's like literally the first rule.

1387
01:04:47,176 --> 01:04:48,744
- You're it! You're it!
- You cannot tag me back!

1388
01:04:48,746 --> 01:04:51,245
- I'll rewrite the fucking rule book!
- Shut up!

1389
01:04:51,247 --> 01:04:52,847
Why are you acting
like children?

1390
01:04:52,849 --> 01:04:54,648
- 'Cause he started it.
- You started it.

1391
01:04:54,650 --> 01:04:56,450
- You literally started it. "My knee hurts."
- No, you started it!

1392
01:04:56,452 --> 01:04:57,718
What do you think
they're talking about?

1393
01:04:57,720 --> 01:04:58,853
Are we off the record?

1394
01:04:58,855 --> 01:05:00,522
Yeah, sure, sure.

1395
01:05:01,390 --> 01:05:02,455
No idea.

1396
01:05:02,457 --> 01:05:04,123
You know what?
I shouldn't have come.

1397
01:05:04,125 --> 01:05:05,891
Jerry always gets
in your head.

1398
01:05:05,893 --> 01:05:07,559
Did Jerry tell you
to say that?

1399
01:05:07,561 --> 01:05:09,328
You part of the whole
Truman Show of it all?

1400
01:05:09,330 --> 01:05:11,463
I mean, Jerry invited me
to the rehearsal dinner,

1401
01:05:11,465 --> 01:05:14,298
because he thought it would
distract you guys, which it did.

1402
01:05:14,300 --> 01:05:17,902
But I wanted to see you.
So I came.

1403
01:05:17,904 --> 01:05:19,504
Sure.

1404
01:05:19,506 --> 01:05:21,106
Oh, my God.

1405
01:05:21,108 --> 01:05:23,408
You guys are fucking idiots. Both of you.
But I love you both.

1406
01:05:23,410 --> 01:05:25,777
I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll
see you later. Or not.

1407
01:05:25,779 --> 01:05:29,081
- Cheryl...
- Go get Jerry. He fucking deserves it.

1408
01:05:30,649 --> 01:05:32,049
Bye, Cheryl.

1409
01:05:32,651 --> 01:05:34,016
HOGAN: Wow!

1410
01:05:34,018 --> 01:05:35,684
What do you want?

1411
01:05:35,686 --> 01:05:38,421
There's gonna be plenty of
time to get rejected by Cheryl

1412
01:05:38,423 --> 01:05:41,089
after 12:00 a.m. on June 1st.

1413
01:05:41,091 --> 01:05:46,628
So what I need you guys to focus
on, is the fact that we're a team.

1414
01:05:46,630 --> 01:05:50,030
Right? When we love each
other, and we love this.

1415
01:05:50,032 --> 01:05:54,301
Let's bask in that. Stay focused
on our mission. All right?

1416
01:05:54,303 --> 01:05:56,136
Let's get back
on this horse and ride.

1417
01:05:56,138 --> 01:05:57,638
Let's get this asshole.

1418
01:05:57,640 --> 01:06:00,139
Lou, not part of it.
Not at all.

1419
01:06:00,141 --> 01:06:01,509
Now, shake.

1420
01:06:02,544 --> 01:06:03,545
Shake!

1421
01:06:06,147 --> 01:06:09,216
All right.
Now we got some work to do.

1422
01:06:21,461 --> 01:06:22,593
Got it.

1423
01:06:22,595 --> 01:06:24,464
Go get him, sweetie.

1424
01:06:39,743 --> 01:06:42,578
Okay.

1425
01:06:42,580 --> 01:06:45,447
Hey, do you think we should talk
to Jerry about being an alcoholic

1426
01:06:45,449 --> 01:06:47,584
- before we get into all this?
- No.

1427
01:06:48,853 --> 01:06:50,518
(SIGHS)

1428
01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:55,455
But now, I've been clean and
sober for almost four years.

1429
01:06:55,457 --> 01:06:59,493
Thanks to all of you
and that higher power. Amen?

1430
01:06:59,495 --> 01:07:01,597
ALL: Amen.

1431
01:07:03,231 --> 01:07:05,631
Jerry, you about ready
to share?

1432
01:07:05,633 --> 01:07:07,702
Come on, y'all,
let's give it up for Jerry.

1433
01:07:15,509 --> 01:07:18,245
- My name is Jerry.
- ALL: Hi, Jerry.

1434
01:07:21,347 --> 01:07:24,581
JERRY: The slight scent of weed.
Chilli.

1435
01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:26,917
He thinks he's caught me
off guard.

1436
01:07:26,919 --> 01:07:29,455
CHILLI: Oh, my God!
I've caught him off guard.

1437
01:07:32,323 --> 01:07:34,590
JERRY:
He rushes in from behind.

1438
01:07:34,592 --> 01:07:37,529
Idiot.
I give him a wake-up call.

1439
01:07:43,101 --> 01:07:47,236
CHILLI: Hazelnut coffee? What
kind of bitch drinks hazelnut?

1440
01:07:49,006 --> 01:07:51,674
Holy! Chilli! Hit me!

1441
01:07:52,842 --> 01:07:54,441
Get him!

1442
01:07:54,443 --> 01:07:57,411
HOGAN: I'm going to trap him
and tag him in the face.

1443
01:07:57,413 --> 01:08:01,483
And yet, in my heart of hearts,
pretty sure it's not gonna work.

1444
01:08:03,318 --> 01:08:07,419
JERRY: Hoagie's attempts to face me
fail because he lacks confidence.

1445
01:08:07,421 --> 01:08:10,188
Also, I think it's fair to say

1446
01:08:10,190 --> 01:08:14,028
I'm fucking surgical with
these complimentary donuts.

1447
01:08:17,597 --> 01:08:21,467
REBECCA: And this is why
print journalism is dying.

1448
01:08:22,168 --> 01:08:24,502
(HOGAN GRUNTS AND MOANS)

1449
01:08:24,504 --> 01:08:27,671
BOB: Yes! This is the moment
I've been waiting for.

1450
01:08:27,673 --> 01:08:30,709
I'm going to be the one
who tags Jerry.

1451
01:08:33,745 --> 01:08:37,214
Callahan will become distracted
by his own arrogant thoughts,

1452
01:08:38,416 --> 01:08:40,449
which I will exploit.

1453
01:08:40,451 --> 01:08:43,854
This will be my victory, which makes
sense because success breeds success

1454
01:08:44,789 --> 01:08:45,790
Oh, God.

1455
01:08:51,861 --> 01:08:53,329
(BOB GROANS)

1456
01:08:56,899 --> 01:09:01,935
SABLE: How come "bi-weekly" means both
twice a week and every other week?

1457
01:09:01,937 --> 01:09:06,341
That's mad confusing and it's
just linguistically lazy.

1458
01:09:12,512 --> 01:09:13,513
Oh, shit!

1459
01:09:25,091 --> 01:09:26,759
- Holy shit!
- Excessive.

1460
01:09:35,400 --> 01:09:37,869
Feeling trapped, Jerry?

1461
01:09:38,469 --> 01:09:39,668
No.

1462
01:09:39,670 --> 01:09:40,671
Nice.

1463
01:09:43,841 --> 01:09:44,842
HOGAN: Holy shit!

1464
01:09:47,044 --> 01:09:48,244
No, no, no!

1465
01:09:49,345 --> 01:09:50,711
No, no, no!

1466
01:09:50,713 --> 01:09:51,679
(ALL GRUNT)

1467
01:09:51,681 --> 01:09:53,914
We got you, Jerry!
You're trapped!

1468
01:09:53,916 --> 01:09:57,183
Five hours till your wedding!
We can wait it out if you can!

1469
01:09:57,185 --> 01:09:58,921
(WHISTLING)

1470
01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:15,600
Shit. You know what
I just realized?

1471
01:10:15,602 --> 01:10:18,336
There's a lot of sacramental
wine and wafers in there.

1472
01:10:18,338 --> 01:10:19,404
He could survive
for quite a while.

1473
01:10:19,406 --> 01:10:20,672
No, he can't drink.

1474
01:10:20,674 --> 01:10:22,006
Yeah, but it's not real wine.

1475
01:10:22,008 --> 01:10:23,273
Yes, it is.

1476
01:10:23,275 --> 01:10:25,143
It's just grape juice.
It's not wine.

1477
01:10:25,145 --> 01:10:29,446
I mean, I was once so fucked up that
I took a shit in my niece's crib.

1478
01:10:29,448 --> 01:10:32,049
Twice, if you ask
my sister-in-law.

1479
01:10:32,051 --> 01:10:33,382
So how long you been sober?

1480
01:10:33,384 --> 01:10:35,085
Oh, no, I'm not sober.

1481
01:10:35,087 --> 01:10:37,019
I'm high right now. I'm
just here to tag my friend.

1482
01:10:37,021 --> 01:10:41,489
Good luck with the sobriety, man.
That's cool. Definitely.

1483
01:10:41,491 --> 01:10:43,758
It's awful quiet in there.

1484
01:10:43,760 --> 01:10:45,727
You know what he's doing?
It's a classic ruse.

1485
01:10:45,729 --> 01:10:47,295
Make 'em think
there's an exit,

1486
01:10:47,297 --> 01:10:48,897
and that he already escaped.
Not buying it.

1487
01:10:48,899 --> 01:10:50,932
I buy it. I bet he has a
secret door back there.

1488
01:10:50,934 --> 01:10:52,934
Refrigerator turns into
an elevator.

1489
01:10:52,936 --> 01:10:54,535
What?

1490
01:10:54,537 --> 01:10:56,437
Takes the elevator down to the basement.
That's his lair.

1491
01:10:56,439 --> 01:10:58,271
- Different outfits, computer screens.
- What are you talking about?

1492
01:10:58,273 --> 01:11:01,476
- Cameras watching us.
- He's not Batman.

1493
01:11:03,411 --> 01:11:05,011
Told you. In there.

1494
01:11:05,013 --> 01:11:07,345
What's it say?

1495
01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:10,716
- "Eat my dick."
- "Eat my dick." Balls. Ass?

1496
01:11:10,718 --> 01:11:11,817
Butt.

1497
01:11:11,819 --> 01:11:13,018
Ice cream.

1498
01:11:13,020 --> 01:11:14,686
- What?
- What?

1499
01:11:14,688 --> 01:11:16,788
Yeah, he's taunting me. He
knows I'm lactose intolerant.

1500
01:11:16,790 --> 01:11:18,522
(DOOR SQUEAKS)

1501
01:11:18,524 --> 01:11:21,358
What is going on? Where is he?

1502
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,529
Where is he?

1503
01:11:26,264 --> 01:11:27,900
(PANTING)

1504
01:11:29,334 --> 01:11:31,135
Jerry?

1505
01:11:31,137 --> 01:11:33,937
We're supposed to be getting our
wedding photos done in an hour.

1506
01:11:33,939 --> 01:11:35,237
What are you doing?

1507
01:11:35,239 --> 01:11:37,207
- Come on out, Jerry.
- Jerry, you could come out.

1508
01:11:37,209 --> 01:11:38,507
We're not gonna
get you, Jerry.

1509
01:11:38,509 --> 01:11:40,076
Babe, look, calm down.
Look, I'm sorry.

1510
01:11:40,078 --> 01:11:42,611
Shut up, Jerry. I can't
fucking take this, Jerry.

1511
01:11:42,613 --> 01:11:44,046
She can't take it.
Come on out.

1512
01:11:44,048 --> 01:11:46,014
Honey, why are you playing
this game right now?

1513
01:11:46,016 --> 01:11:48,449
Why are you playing this game
with your friends right now?

1514
01:11:48,451 --> 01:11:50,551
Why is he playing
this game right now?

1515
01:11:50,553 --> 01:11:52,520
JERRY: Hey, babe, look.
You gotta calm down, okay?

1516
01:11:52,522 --> 01:11:54,421
Listen to me!
It's very hard!

1517
01:11:54,423 --> 01:11:57,958
Because you have decided
to ruin everything.

1518
01:11:57,960 --> 01:11:59,626
And so have you.

1519
01:11:59,628 --> 01:12:02,963
With your stupid face,
and your stupid beard

1520
01:12:02,965 --> 01:12:04,597
and your stupid glasses

1521
01:12:04,599 --> 01:12:07,566
and that stupid jumpsuit.

1522
01:12:07,568 --> 01:12:09,602
There's only so much
a girl can take

1523
01:12:09,604 --> 01:12:12,838
and then you want me,
on top of that, just to...

1524
01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:15,207
(GASPING)

1525
01:12:15,209 --> 01:12:16,841
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

1526
01:12:16,843 --> 01:12:20,444
- JERRY: Babe? Suz? Sue?
- Oh, God! Jerry. Oh, my God.

1527
01:12:20,446 --> 01:12:22,346
- SUSAN: Boo? Boo-boo?
- Sue?

1528
01:12:22,348 --> 01:12:24,281
Boo-boo? Boo-boo?

1529
01:12:24,283 --> 01:12:25,783
- What happened?
- Boo-boo? Boo-boo...

1530
01:12:25,785 --> 01:12:27,384
- Wait, wait. What happened?
- Susan, are you okay?

1531
01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,385
- Sit down, sit down, sit down.
- The baby. It's the baby.

1532
01:12:29,387 --> 01:12:31,121
It's finally happening. He's right here.
Who's it? Bob, tag him.

1533
01:12:31,123 --> 01:12:32,421
- Are you kidding me?
- What?

1534
01:12:32,423 --> 01:12:34,057
There's something wrong
with her baby.

1535
01:12:34,059 --> 01:12:35,792
There's nothing wrong with that baby.
It's a fake.

1536
01:12:35,794 --> 01:12:37,226
If you won't do it, then tag me.
I'm gonna do it.

1537
01:12:37,228 --> 01:12:39,195
Oh, yeah. Fine.
You want me to tag you, then?

1538
01:12:39,197 --> 01:12:40,595
Oops! I missed.

1539
01:12:40,597 --> 01:12:42,064
As usual,
you're completely wrong.

1540
01:12:42,066 --> 01:12:44,332
This? You think I'm wrong?
This is so over the top!

1541
01:12:44,334 --> 01:12:45,934
This is obvious.

1542
01:12:45,936 --> 01:12:47,202
(GROANING)

1543
01:12:47,204 --> 01:12:49,137
Tag me and I'll give him
a hug, and I'll say,

1544
01:12:49,139 --> 01:12:51,806
"If she's having a miscarriage,
this is awful, and you're it."

1545
01:12:51,808 --> 01:12:53,507
Are you kidding me right now?

1546
01:12:53,509 --> 01:12:56,376
You know. This feels like a
scene from What Would You Do?

1547
01:12:56,378 --> 01:12:58,813
You get put
in a precarious situation

1548
01:12:58,815 --> 01:13:00,513
and you have to make
the right decision.

1549
01:13:00,515 --> 01:13:01,948
It's all actors and cameras.

1550
01:13:01,950 --> 01:13:05,885
It's not great television,
but it hooks me in.

1551
01:13:05,887 --> 01:13:06,820
CHILLI: What?

1552
01:13:06,822 --> 01:13:08,387
- JERRY: Come on.
- (SUSAN GROANS)

1553
01:13:08,389 --> 01:13:11,089
All right, we're good. We're
gonna get to the hospital.

1554
01:13:11,091 --> 01:13:15,260
Jesus. Hey! Jerry? Jerry, if you
need anything I could easily...

1555
01:13:15,262 --> 01:13:17,095
You come near her
or my baby,

1556
01:13:17,097 --> 01:13:18,965
I'll crush your windpipe, Bob.

1557
01:13:20,066 --> 01:13:21,734
This ain't no fucking game.

1558
01:13:26,206 --> 01:13:27,470
Uh...

1559
01:13:27,472 --> 01:13:29,139
I'm pretty sure
it's real, guys.

1560
01:13:29,141 --> 01:13:32,309
I will be so pissed if she
didn't have a miscarriage.

1561
01:13:32,311 --> 01:13:33,542
Chilli!

1562
01:13:33,544 --> 01:13:34,945
SABLE: We all would be.

1563
01:13:34,947 --> 01:13:36,879
It's just a thing
you don't say.

1564
01:13:36,881 --> 01:13:38,382
It's implied.

1565
01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,535
Hey, Linda. Namaste.

1566
01:14:02,403 --> 01:14:04,637
Shouldn't you boys be getting
cleaned up for the wedding?

1567
01:14:04,639 --> 01:14:06,841
Not you, Chilli.
You're perfect.

1568
01:14:07,408 --> 01:14:08,875
Thanks, Linda.

1569
01:14:08,877 --> 01:14:11,045
I don't think anybody's
gonna be freshening up.

1570
01:14:14,115 --> 01:14:16,683
Hoagie, you can't go
looking like that.

1571
01:14:19,286 --> 01:14:23,188
"To everyone askin', the
wedding has been postponed.

1572
01:14:23,190 --> 01:14:25,456
"Thank you for your thoughts
and prayers."

1573
01:14:25,458 --> 01:14:27,091
It's from Jerry's mom.

1574
01:14:27,093 --> 01:14:29,894
- What? Maybe we're bad people.
- Maybe?

1575
01:14:29,896 --> 01:14:31,461
Yes, I think
we definitely are.

1576
01:14:31,463 --> 01:14:32,929
SABLE: We might be.

1577
01:14:32,931 --> 01:14:36,531
Tag used to be a thing
that made me really happy.

1578
01:14:36,533 --> 01:14:39,768
But now, it's destroying me.
I feel sad.

1579
01:14:39,770 --> 01:14:41,271
Shut the fuck up, Sable.

1580
01:14:41,273 --> 01:14:44,640
Has anyone seen the
bridesmaids' Instagram stories?

1581
01:14:44,642 --> 01:14:47,775
- What?
- Check it out.

1582
01:14:47,777 --> 01:14:51,512
SABLE: "Wedding's canceled.
Sad face emoji.

1583
01:14:51,514 --> 01:14:54,447
"I can't wear the dress.
Such a pretty dress.

1584
01:14:54,449 --> 01:14:56,217
"So sad. Goodbye emoji."

1585
01:14:56,219 --> 01:14:59,853
Really? Is there any chance that
all these women could post banal

1586
01:14:59,855 --> 01:15:02,122
minute-by-minute
moments from their day,

1587
01:15:02,124 --> 01:15:04,423
with mind-numbing captions
at the same time?

1588
01:15:04,425 --> 01:15:06,492
- Totally.
- Absolutely. That's all Instagram is.

1589
01:15:06,494 --> 01:15:08,794
I don't know about this,
guys. I just...

1590
01:15:08,796 --> 01:15:10,296
It doesn't feel right.

1591
01:15:10,298 --> 01:15:12,398
I smell a rat.

1592
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:14,099
That's what I've been saying. I have been
actually saying this the whole time.

1593
01:15:14,102 --> 01:15:17,669
Hey, sweetheart, can we just move on?
It's over.

1594
01:15:17,671 --> 01:15:19,804
But it's not.
Now, come on, guys.

1595
01:15:19,806 --> 01:15:21,205
I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.

1596
01:15:21,207 --> 01:15:22,907
- Bob.
- What'd I do?

1597
01:15:22,909 --> 01:15:24,508
Can I take
a photograph of you?

1598
01:15:24,510 --> 01:15:26,777
- No. Okay.
- Cute.

1599
01:15:26,779 --> 01:15:28,345
I'm gonna set up
an Instagram account for you.

1600
01:15:28,347 --> 01:15:29,613
Please don't.

1601
01:15:29,615 --> 01:15:30,814
Rachel Ditmus
is the only bridesmaid

1602
01:15:30,816 --> 01:15:32,648
with a private
Instagram account.

1603
01:15:32,650 --> 01:15:34,750
She's been wanting you to finger
bang her since the sixth grade.

1604
01:15:34,752 --> 01:15:39,722
If anybody's stupid enough to fall for
our request, it will be that dum-dum.

1605
01:15:39,724 --> 01:15:41,123
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

1606
01:15:41,125 --> 01:15:43,491
And sent. All we've
gotta do now is wait.

1607
01:15:43,493 --> 01:15:45,794
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- And accepted!

1608
01:15:45,796 --> 01:15:47,529
- Really?
- That was weirdly fast.

1609
01:15:47,531 --> 01:15:49,130
Do not finger bang her.

1610
01:15:49,132 --> 01:15:51,598
Oh, my God. I was right.

1611
01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:54,001
- What? What are we looking at here?
- What the hell is this?

1612
01:15:54,003 --> 01:15:55,403
A wedding dress.

1613
01:15:55,405 --> 01:15:56,704
What the fuck?

1614
01:15:56,706 --> 01:15:58,538
They faked
the fucking miscarriage!

1615
01:15:58,540 --> 01:16:00,640
No, no. Jerry's going down. We're
gonna destroy that wedding.

1616
01:16:00,642 --> 01:16:03,444
CHILLI: Let's go!
BOB: This is bullshit. That is so fucked up.

1617
01:16:03,446 --> 01:16:05,714
(SHOUTING)

1618
01:16:07,415 --> 01:16:08,615
Hoagie?

1619
01:16:10,784 --> 01:16:12,418
Hoagie, what are you doing?

1620
01:16:12,420 --> 01:16:14,252
Damn it!

1621
01:16:14,254 --> 01:16:15,721
- Sweetie.
- Hoagie?

1622
01:16:15,723 --> 01:16:17,191
Be careful.

1623
01:16:18,158 --> 01:16:19,557
Should we stop him, or...

1624
01:16:19,559 --> 01:16:22,762
I'm not getting near him.
He's swinging that bat around.

1625
01:16:24,464 --> 01:16:27,233
- Sweetie, that's your mom's.
- Yeah, you're gonna hurt yourself.

1626
01:16:31,069 --> 01:16:32,571
(SHOUTS)

1627
01:16:34,873 --> 01:16:41,145
We lost! He beat us!
The game is over!

1628
01:16:42,313 --> 01:16:44,812
We can't tag Jerry.

1629
01:16:44,814 --> 01:16:49,150
It's just time for us to come to terms
with that. He's untouchable, that's it.

1630
01:16:49,152 --> 01:16:51,085
What do you wanna do?
You wanna just give up?

1631
01:16:51,087 --> 01:16:53,720
Yeah, Bob. I wanna give up.
It's time to give up.

1632
01:16:53,722 --> 01:16:55,423
Come on, Hogan.
You're not a quitter.

1633
01:16:55,425 --> 01:16:57,057
What's the alternative?

1634
01:16:57,059 --> 01:17:00,360
We go to the wedding,
we try to tag him, we fail

1635
01:17:00,362 --> 01:17:01,762
and we fuck up the wedding?

1636
01:17:01,764 --> 01:17:03,363
That's not a cool move.
That's a dick move.

1637
01:17:03,365 --> 01:17:05,132
That's not what friends do.
That's what assholes do.

1638
01:17:05,134 --> 01:17:08,234
Hoagie! He faked
a fucking miscarriage.

1639
01:17:08,236 --> 01:17:11,404
This is a miscarriage
of justice.

1640
01:17:11,406 --> 01:17:12,804
This is where we get him.

1641
01:17:12,806 --> 01:17:14,672
He deserves to pay for that.

1642
01:17:14,674 --> 01:17:17,476
Even if we wanted to do that,
we all signed an amendment.

1643
01:17:17,478 --> 01:17:20,811
Amendments are null and void
if you fake a miscarriage.

1644
01:17:20,813 --> 01:17:22,380
That's just basic
contract law.

1645
01:17:22,382 --> 01:17:24,382
- That's law. Basic contract law.
- Law.

1646
01:17:24,384 --> 01:17:25,783
Like he said.

1647
01:17:25,785 --> 01:17:26,917
- I literally, said exactly that.
- I know.

1648
01:17:26,919 --> 01:17:28,819
We're saying it together.

1649
01:17:28,821 --> 01:17:31,455
But I was also right earlier, because
I said the miscarriage was fake.

1650
01:17:31,457 --> 01:17:36,059
The amendment stands,
and maybe that's a good thing.

1651
01:17:36,061 --> 01:17:39,197
Maybe it's time
to grow up a little.

1652
01:17:39,930 --> 01:17:41,830
I'm going to the wedding

1653
01:17:41,832 --> 01:17:46,667
and you guys can do what you want.
I hope you come, too.

1654
01:17:46,669 --> 01:17:48,905
Chilli, just put on a tie.

1655
01:17:52,175 --> 01:17:53,209
Sweetie.

1656
01:17:56,745 --> 01:17:58,145
Do you even have a tie?

1657
01:17:58,147 --> 01:17:59,612
Yes, I have a tie.

1658
01:17:59,614 --> 01:18:01,214
- Do you need to borrow a tie?
- Yes, I need to borrow a tie.

1659
01:18:01,216 --> 01:18:02,217
Okay.

1660
01:18:44,055 --> 01:18:47,388
Hi! I'm so glad you made it!

1661
01:18:47,390 --> 01:18:48,857
Is that champagne?

1662
01:18:48,859 --> 01:18:51,092
I know. Ugh... (CHUCKLES)

1663
01:18:51,094 --> 01:18:52,993
I'm the girl
who cried miscarriage.

1664
01:18:52,995 --> 01:18:54,995
But I had to get him
out of that room

1665
01:18:54,997 --> 01:18:56,730
and distract you
for a couple of hours

1666
01:18:56,732 --> 01:18:58,365
so that the amendment
could kick in.

1667
01:18:58,367 --> 01:18:59,967
Okay. Are you even pregnant?

1668
01:18:59,969 --> 01:19:02,635
- No, I was never pregnant.
- You were never pregnant?

1669
01:19:02,637 --> 01:19:04,505
- Whoa.
- Wow.

1670
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:07,373
Just listen. Jerry knew that you
guys might get the drop on him

1671
01:19:07,375 --> 01:19:10,376
so "Operation Miscarriage"
was our fail-safe.

1672
01:19:10,378 --> 01:19:12,777
- It was an operation?
- It was actually my idea.

1673
01:19:12,779 --> 01:19:14,646
- Brilliant. Brilliant!
- Aw, thanks.

1674
01:19:14,648 --> 01:19:16,314
That's diabolical.

1675
01:19:16,316 --> 01:19:18,682
Everyone's just pissed because
you won, and they're boys,

1676
01:19:18,684 --> 01:19:22,153
they can't get pregnant. So
they can't fake a miscarriage.

1677
01:19:22,155 --> 01:19:23,787
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- It's true.

1678
01:19:23,789 --> 01:19:26,490
Look, I'm not saying I want
you to have a miscarriage.

1679
01:19:26,492 --> 01:19:28,425
Then don't.

1680
01:19:28,427 --> 01:19:30,793
'Cause that would be terrible. But
if you ever do have a miscarriage,

1681
01:19:30,795 --> 01:19:32,596
I don't wanna say
that you would deserve it

1682
01:19:32,598 --> 01:19:36,032
'cause that's too far, but what
I will say and what I do feel

1683
01:19:36,034 --> 01:19:38,401
- is that's what you get.
- Uh...

1684
01:19:38,403 --> 01:19:41,837
Okay. It's fine. We can all
have different feelings.

1685
01:19:41,839 --> 01:19:44,239
But it's our wedding day,
you guys. Come on.

1686
01:19:44,241 --> 01:19:46,542
And we came up
with this great amendment

1687
01:19:46,544 --> 01:19:51,879
so that we could all enjoy this day
together and have fun and relax.

1688
01:19:51,881 --> 01:19:53,314
Are we cool?

1689
01:19:53,316 --> 01:19:55,616
- Yeah, I guess so.
- Not yet.

1690
01:19:55,618 --> 01:20:00,420
Sorry. Not cool yet. It's
just, you did murder a child.

1691
01:20:00,422 --> 01:20:02,389
- No.
- She didn't. No, it was a fake miscarriage.

1692
01:20:02,391 --> 01:20:05,458
Yeah, not the imaginary child
that was inside of you

1693
01:20:05,460 --> 01:20:09,596
but the actual inner child
that lives inside of me.

1694
01:20:09,598 --> 01:20:11,430
Got decapitated.

1695
01:20:11,432 --> 01:20:15,568
Head flew up, did flips in the
air, blood spurting everywhere.

1696
01:20:15,570 --> 01:20:19,070
Hoagie, Jerry has
a perfect record

1697
01:20:19,072 --> 01:20:21,206
and we're a team now.

1698
01:20:21,208 --> 01:20:22,507
The winning team.

1699
01:20:22,509 --> 01:20:25,242
And I just feel like, Hoagie,
if you're gonna play

1700
01:20:25,244 --> 01:20:28,646
a children's game
as a grown man,

1701
01:20:28,648 --> 01:20:31,383
maybe next time
don't play like a child.

1702
01:20:33,285 --> 01:20:37,086
Anyways, I am really excited
you guys are here.

1703
01:20:37,088 --> 01:20:40,022
Try the raw bar.
It's off the hook.

1704
01:20:40,024 --> 01:20:42,090
It's my wedding!
I'm getting married!

1705
01:20:42,092 --> 01:20:44,861
- Congratulations.
- Come on! Grab it!

1706
01:20:49,366 --> 01:20:53,067
I take back everything I said
about her being effervescent.

1707
01:20:53,069 --> 01:20:55,069
I met Jerry in AA.

1708
01:20:55,071 --> 01:20:58,072
You see, people,
I got a lot of problems.

1709
01:20:58,074 --> 01:21:03,376
Anger issues, I left my wife,
I have many kids.

1710
01:21:03,378 --> 01:21:06,845
And this man got me
to turn to the cloth.

1711
01:21:06,847 --> 01:21:08,814
It was a low point in my life.

1712
01:21:08,816 --> 01:21:10,949
There was jail time involved.

1713
01:21:10,951 --> 01:21:13,385
I briefly converted to Islam.

1714
01:21:13,387 --> 01:21:17,723
I lost a long legal battle
with Jo-Ann Fabrics.

1715
01:21:17,725 --> 01:21:21,259
During that time I got to know
Jerry and Susan as a couple.

1716
01:21:21,261 --> 01:21:22,860
And that is a true blessing.

1717
01:21:22,862 --> 01:21:25,630
What's the difference between
Episcopalian and Lutheran?

1718
01:21:25,632 --> 01:21:28,898
Episcopalians don't eat fish.

1719
01:21:28,900 --> 01:21:32,769
That's pescatarian.
That's not a religion.

1720
01:21:32,771 --> 01:21:35,106
They're all fanatics.
I don't know.

1721
01:21:35,108 --> 01:21:36,640
Remind me again,
is it on the kiss

1722
01:21:36,642 --> 01:21:38,340
or after they walk back
down the aisle?

1723
01:21:38,342 --> 01:21:41,043
Seriously? You said you'd
worked weddings before.

1724
01:21:41,045 --> 01:21:43,379
The kiss, the doves,
end of ceremony,

1725
01:21:43,381 --> 01:21:45,115
the groom was very specific
about this.

1726
01:21:45,117 --> 01:21:47,716
PASTOR: ...and finds new ways
of expressing love

1727
01:21:47,718 --> 01:21:50,985
through the ups
and downs of life.

1728
01:21:50,987 --> 01:21:55,055
Susan, do you take Jerry
to be your husband?

1729
01:21:55,057 --> 01:21:57,558
Do you promise to love, honor,
cherish and protect him,

1730
01:21:57,560 --> 01:22:01,863
forsaking all others, holding
only to him, forever more?

1731
01:22:02,498 --> 01:22:03,697
I do.

1732
01:22:03,699 --> 01:22:04,964
Beautiful.

1733
01:22:04,966 --> 01:22:06,866
(WHISPERS)
There's gonna be a window.

1734
01:22:06,868 --> 01:22:08,936
- What, sweetie?
- The doves.

1735
01:22:09,637 --> 01:22:11,137
What about the doves?

1736
01:22:11,139 --> 01:22:13,372
There's an opening.

1737
01:22:13,374 --> 01:22:15,641
Just relax, honey.

1738
01:22:15,643 --> 01:22:17,477
You seem stressed.

1739
01:22:18,478 --> 01:22:22,213
Jerry, do you take Susan
to be your wife?

1740
01:22:22,215 --> 01:22:25,316
Do you promise to love, honor,
cherish and protect her,

1741
01:22:25,318 --> 01:22:29,919
forsaking all others, holding
only to her, forever more?

1742
01:22:29,921 --> 01:22:31,221
I do.

1743
01:22:31,223 --> 01:22:33,022
I mean, this is actually
kind of beautiful.

1744
01:22:33,024 --> 01:22:34,625
It really is, man.

1745
01:22:34,627 --> 01:22:38,063
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

1746
01:22:39,230 --> 01:22:41,366
You may kiss the bride.

1747
01:22:41,965 --> 01:22:44,001
(CROWD CLAPPING)

1748
01:23:19,366 --> 01:23:20,665
(GASPS)

1749
01:23:20,667 --> 01:23:22,235
(SCREAMS)

1750
01:23:24,671 --> 01:23:26,539
(GRUNTS)

1751
01:23:28,440 --> 01:23:30,273
JERRY: Hoagie!
SABLE: Go, go, go!

1752
01:23:30,275 --> 01:23:32,609
- Oh, God! Guys, go!
- Hoagie! You okay?

1753
01:23:32,611 --> 01:23:34,045
Jesus.

1754
01:23:34,513 --> 01:23:35,878
Hey, man.

1755
01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:37,079
Buddy?

1756
01:23:37,081 --> 01:23:39,615
- You scared away the swans.
- Hoagie?

1757
01:23:39,617 --> 01:23:41,250
- Hogan? Hogan.
- Hoagie!

1758
01:23:41,252 --> 01:23:43,719
I can't believe that you guys did this.
Right now.

1759
01:23:43,721 --> 01:23:47,122
Well, I don't think you get to claim the
moral high ground over us, actually.

1760
01:23:47,124 --> 01:23:48,858
Yeah, you're not better
than us.

1761
01:23:48,860 --> 01:23:50,325
You and your wife pretended to
have a goddamn miscarriage...

1762
01:23:50,327 --> 01:23:52,227
Misunderstanding!
Misunderstanding.

1763
01:23:52,229 --> 01:23:54,928
- BOB: Misunderstanding.
- In her vagina.

1764
01:23:54,930 --> 01:23:56,263
Wow. Oh, boy.

1765
01:23:56,265 --> 01:23:57,931
Guys, call a doctor!

1766
01:23:57,933 --> 01:23:59,566
- ANNA: Can you hear me?
- Buddy?

1767
01:23:59,568 --> 01:24:01,402
- Hey!
- Somebody get a doctor!

1768
01:24:01,404 --> 01:24:04,036
- Bud?
- He's gone full loss of consciousness.

1769
01:24:04,038 --> 01:24:05,839
That's impressive.

1770
01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:09,208
- Even better than your performance. Right?
- I know! It's so good!

1771
01:24:09,210 --> 01:24:11,677
Excuse me, everyone,

1772
01:24:11,679 --> 01:24:13,245
everything's fine.

1773
01:24:13,247 --> 01:24:15,249
Uh... This is all just a game.

1774
01:24:16,817 --> 01:24:18,083
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT
OVER PA)

1775
01:24:18,085 --> 01:24:19,950
He's still unconscious,
but he's stable.

1776
01:24:19,952 --> 01:24:22,687
He really should never have been
this active given his condition.

1777
01:24:22,689 --> 01:24:25,458
- You can see him when he wakes up.
- Thanks.

1778
01:24:26,659 --> 01:24:28,124
I got this.

1779
01:24:28,126 --> 01:24:30,927
Excuse me, Doctor.
Hey, how are ya?

1780
01:24:30,929 --> 01:24:34,397
- Yeah.
- Dr. Yoon, is it?

1781
01:24:34,399 --> 01:24:36,232
- Yes.
- How do you spell that?

1782
01:24:36,234 --> 01:24:39,602
- You're looking right at it.
- I know, but I'm just asking you.

1783
01:24:39,604 --> 01:24:41,503
What exactly
are you asking me?

1784
01:24:41,505 --> 01:24:44,107
My friends and I do this thing,
it's this really weird game.

1785
01:24:44,109 --> 01:24:46,775
Is there any chance this is all
fake, that you could just tell me.

1786
01:24:46,777 --> 01:24:48,777
I won't tell the others.

1787
01:24:48,779 --> 01:24:50,445
Is this fake?

1788
01:24:50,447 --> 01:24:52,413
- This hospital?
- The whole thing, yeah. Is it fake?

1789
01:24:52,415 --> 01:24:54,182
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.

1790
01:24:54,184 --> 01:24:56,049
He told you to say that,
right?

1791
01:24:56,051 --> 01:24:58,452
- Look, I gotta prep a surgery.
- Will you just do me one quick favor?

1792
01:24:58,454 --> 01:25:00,587
Could you recite
the Hippocratic Oath for me?

1793
01:25:00,589 --> 01:25:02,724
That's not a thing
doctors memorize.

1794
01:25:05,461 --> 01:25:07,159
Still unsure.

1795
01:25:07,161 --> 01:25:09,395
It's gonna be fine.
It's just, it was a lot.

1796
01:25:09,397 --> 01:25:11,864
How does that all happen
at a wedding?

1797
01:25:11,866 --> 01:25:13,066
Hey, boss.

1798
01:25:13,634 --> 01:25:14,767
How did that go?

1799
01:25:14,769 --> 01:25:16,134
I'm all turned around.

1800
01:25:16,136 --> 01:25:18,036
About what?

1801
01:25:18,038 --> 01:25:19,804
If he's an actor
or if he's not.

1802
01:25:19,806 --> 01:25:23,310
He's not. He's a doctor.
We're in a hospital.

1803
01:25:24,276 --> 01:25:26,713
You're drinking the Kool-Aid.

1804
01:25:30,982 --> 01:25:32,351
(SIGHS)

1805
01:25:33,384 --> 01:25:35,752
All right. What do we do?

1806
01:25:35,754 --> 01:25:38,654
Look, Chilli, what's wrong with you?
Just go talk to the girl.

1807
01:25:38,656 --> 01:25:40,021
Could be a trap.

1808
01:25:40,023 --> 01:25:42,959
She's here for a friend
who is in the hospital. Okay?

1809
01:25:42,961 --> 01:25:44,626
You know I'm right.
I'm always right.

1810
01:25:44,628 --> 01:25:47,496
Okay, you're right about this,
but you are not always right.

1811
01:25:47,498 --> 01:25:50,130
- Buddy, I'm always right, and you know that it's true.
- Bob, you're not always right.

1812
01:25:50,132 --> 01:25:51,800
- 100%...
- 1989.

1813
01:25:51,802 --> 01:25:53,434
Oh, come on.

1814
01:25:53,436 --> 01:25:55,269
Ken Griffey, Jr. enters the
league, and what do you say?

1815
01:25:55,271 --> 01:25:56,837
He will never be
as good as his father.

1816
01:25:56,839 --> 01:25:58,172
And he's better
than his father.

1817
01:25:58,174 --> 01:26:00,373
- Where are the rings?
- You are so wrong!

1818
01:26:00,375 --> 01:26:03,209
The historical record
has proven that I am right.

1819
01:26:03,211 --> 01:26:05,445
You know what? Time will tell.

1820
01:26:05,447 --> 01:26:09,716
You will never admit that you
are wrong about anything.

1821
01:26:09,718 --> 01:26:11,784
Come on, it's been a while
since we've done this.

1822
01:26:11,786 --> 01:26:14,019
Come here, man.

1823
01:26:14,021 --> 01:26:15,454
This was a fun few days, man.

1824
01:26:15,456 --> 01:26:17,689
- I really missed you.
- I missed you, too, man.

1825
01:26:17,691 --> 01:26:20,024
- You want a breath mint?
- No, I don't want a breath mint.

1826
01:26:20,026 --> 01:26:21,827
- Stop it.
- You want a breath mint?

1827
01:26:21,829 --> 01:26:24,531
I would love a breath mint. I
got a gross taste in my mouth.

1828
01:26:31,236 --> 01:26:32,869
Hey, mind if I sit?

1829
01:26:32,871 --> 01:26:34,071
No.

1830
01:26:36,108 --> 01:26:38,008
Thanks for coming.

1831
01:26:38,010 --> 01:26:40,645
- I hope he's okay.
- Yeah, me, too.

1832
01:26:44,549 --> 01:26:45,750
Um...

1833
01:26:51,922 --> 01:26:55,723
I don't know if that...
We're in a hospital and...

1834
01:26:55,725 --> 01:26:57,157
- You know?
- Yes.

1835
01:26:57,159 --> 01:26:59,893
My friend is possibly dying.

1836
01:26:59,895 --> 01:27:04,196
But it feels like a time I need
to tell you how I feel about you

1837
01:27:04,198 --> 01:27:07,300
and I am so pumped
that your husband's dead.

1838
01:27:07,302 --> 01:27:09,302
- No.
- No.

1839
01:27:09,304 --> 01:27:12,139
But I'm really happy
to see you, Cheryl.

1840
01:27:13,675 --> 01:27:16,741
You are broke
and divorced and,

1841
01:27:16,743 --> 01:27:19,511
- just a fucking mess, really.
- Yeah.

1842
01:27:19,513 --> 01:27:21,312
But it's fun to see you, too.

1843
01:27:21,314 --> 01:27:23,314
Good. All right.
I'll take that.

1844
01:27:23,316 --> 01:27:26,650
I actually think that...

1845
01:27:26,652 --> 01:27:30,121
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I would see you again.

1846
01:27:30,890 --> 01:27:32,555
- For real?
- Yeah.

1847
01:27:32,557 --> 01:27:34,691
- Like a little date.
- No, definitely didn't say that.

1848
01:27:34,693 --> 01:27:37,260
- Like a dinner.
- Smaller than that.

1849
01:27:37,262 --> 01:27:39,431
- Like a lunch.
- How about a snack?

1850
01:27:40,364 --> 01:27:42,464
I'll take what I can get.

1851
01:27:42,466 --> 01:27:46,134
Hoagie, I know
you're fucking with me.

1852
01:27:46,136 --> 01:27:52,208
I'm not. I've got a tumor on my
liver the size of my right nut.

1853
01:27:54,177 --> 01:27:55,878
Jesus.

1854
01:27:56,613 --> 01:27:58,244
Yeah.

1855
01:27:58,246 --> 01:28:00,480
I know you're fucking with him but
what are you doing? What's the plan?

1856
01:28:00,482 --> 01:28:03,416
- Tell us what's going on.
- Chilli, there's no plan.

1857
01:28:03,418 --> 01:28:06,453
- What's going on?
- There's no plan, Chilli.

1858
01:28:06,455 --> 01:28:08,088
Stop winking at me.

1859
01:28:08,090 --> 01:28:09,789
Think it's real. This looks
like it's doing something.

1860
01:28:09,791 --> 01:28:12,257
Something real is happening
on this thing right here.

1861
01:28:12,259 --> 01:28:13,826
How long have you known this?

1862
01:28:13,828 --> 01:28:15,126
ANNA: For three weeks.

1863
01:28:15,128 --> 01:28:16,595
Three weeks.

1864
01:28:16,597 --> 01:28:20,198
Right nut.
Too specific, I call bullshit.

1865
01:28:20,200 --> 01:28:22,233
That's a lie.
Right? It's a lie.

1866
01:28:22,235 --> 01:28:23,468
I'm not lying.

1867
01:28:23,470 --> 01:28:26,971
Although I did lie
about one thing.

1868
01:28:26,973 --> 01:28:29,306
Jerry's not quitting
at the end of the season.

1869
01:28:29,308 --> 01:28:31,141
What? Why the fuck
would I quit?

1870
01:28:31,143 --> 01:28:32,676
Yeah, I said that

1871
01:28:32,678 --> 01:28:35,679
to get everyone together,
you know, for one last round.

1872
01:28:35,681 --> 01:28:38,881
Hoagie, tell me you are
fucking joking about this.

1873
01:28:38,883 --> 01:28:40,883
Uh... No.

1874
01:28:40,885 --> 01:28:47,457
There is a decent chance I will
not be around for next season.

1875
01:28:56,133 --> 01:28:57,333
Damn.

1876
01:28:59,435 --> 01:29:02,535
BOB: And, I mean, plus,
even if you were, you'd be,

1877
01:29:02,537 --> 01:29:05,371
- you know. Really slow.
- Yeah.

1878
01:29:05,373 --> 01:29:06,973
A total sitting duck.

1879
01:29:06,975 --> 01:29:09,642
Carrying an IV bag around,
that's easy...

1880
01:29:09,644 --> 01:29:11,376
I had an uncle
that went through chemo,

1881
01:29:11,378 --> 01:29:13,345
and afterwards,
he was terrible at games.

1882
01:29:13,347 --> 01:29:17,282
But I guess that makes sense. It
would be weird if he got better.

1883
01:29:17,284 --> 01:29:18,950
Then everybody
would be getting chemo.

1884
01:29:18,952 --> 01:29:20,788
(ALL CHUCKLE)

1885
01:29:21,955 --> 01:29:24,223
I love you guys.

1886
01:29:25,324 --> 01:29:28,559
Love, I love this game.
You know?

1887
01:29:28,561 --> 01:29:32,431
I don't know what it is.
It brings out the best in us.

1888
01:29:34,032 --> 01:29:35,832
Except today.

1889
01:29:35,834 --> 01:29:39,002
Today, I don't know.

1890
01:29:39,004 --> 01:29:43,774
I really fucked up your wedding,
Jerry, and I am super sorry.

1891
01:29:44,975 --> 01:29:46,508
Jerry?

1892
01:29:46,510 --> 01:29:49,914
- Has he... Has he hung up?
- Jerry?

1893
01:29:53,950 --> 01:29:57,754
You didn't fuck up my wedding, Hoagie.
Come on.

1894
01:29:58,955 --> 01:30:00,654
- Right?
- No.

1895
01:30:00,656 --> 01:30:02,989
You might have ruined
a moment. But...

1896
01:30:02,991 --> 01:30:06,358
I screwed it up. You should've
been up there with me.

1897
01:30:06,360 --> 01:30:08,195
All you boys should've.

1898
01:30:08,197 --> 01:30:09,762
That's my fault.

1899
01:30:09,764 --> 01:30:11,697
I always thought that
you guys were

1900
01:30:11,699 --> 01:30:13,666
just much closer to each other
than to me. So...

1901
01:30:13,668 --> 01:30:14,734
What?

1902
01:30:14,736 --> 01:30:16,735
I mean, if it seems like
we were closer,

1903
01:30:16,737 --> 01:30:19,604
it's only because
we're physically closer

1904
01:30:19,606 --> 01:30:21,107
because you always ran away.

1905
01:30:21,109 --> 01:30:22,640
Successfully.
You know, I mean,

1906
01:30:22,642 --> 01:30:24,776
not for nothing,
you might actually be

1907
01:30:24,778 --> 01:30:27,344
the very best person
at this game on the planet.

1908
01:30:27,346 --> 01:30:29,446
He might be, right?

1909
01:30:29,448 --> 01:30:32,315
Yeah, you're really good
at tag.

1910
01:30:32,317 --> 01:30:35,251
Yes, but you've kinda
missed the point.

1911
01:30:35,253 --> 01:30:38,588
I mean, it's not about trying
to get away from each other.

1912
01:30:38,590 --> 01:30:40,556
It's actually about

1913
01:30:40,558 --> 01:30:43,826
having a reason to be
around each other. You know?

1914
01:30:43,828 --> 01:30:45,228
Yeah.

1915
01:30:45,230 --> 01:30:47,829
I mean, Ben Franklin said it best.
Am I right?

1916
01:30:47,831 --> 01:30:49,865
"We don't stop playing
'cause we grow old..."

1917
01:30:49,867 --> 01:30:52,067
ALL: "We grow old because
we stop playing."

1918
01:30:52,069 --> 01:30:54,735
I been wanting to say for a few years,
that quote is not Benjamin Franklin.

1919
01:30:54,737 --> 01:30:57,438
That is German anthropologist
Karl Groos.

1920
01:30:57,440 --> 01:30:58,906
Why are you ruining
the moment?

1921
01:30:58,908 --> 01:31:00,841
- I don't wanna know that.
- He's in the hospital.

1922
01:31:00,843 --> 01:31:02,509
- It felt like the right moment.
- It's not the right moment.

1923
01:31:02,511 --> 01:31:03,476
SABLE: It is the right moment.
CHILLI: It isn't.

1924
01:31:03,478 --> 01:31:05,013
So, Jerry...

1925
01:31:08,449 --> 01:31:09,816
It's 11:55.

1926
01:31:09,818 --> 01:31:12,553
Get in here,
and let me tag you.

1927
01:31:16,857 --> 01:31:18,724
You know, I've been
so attached, I suppose,

1928
01:31:18,726 --> 01:31:20,558
to my perfect record
all these years,

1929
01:31:20,560 --> 01:31:22,393
dominating you fools.

1930
01:31:22,395 --> 01:31:25,196
Maybe I should.
Maybe I shouldn't.

1931
01:31:25,198 --> 01:31:28,966
If you think about it,
Jerry is a tag virgin.

1932
01:31:28,968 --> 01:31:30,268
Or champion.

1933
01:31:30,270 --> 01:31:32,270
Just let us deflower you.

1934
01:31:32,272 --> 01:31:33,772
We'll be gentle.

1935
01:31:34,773 --> 01:31:35,774
I can't.

1936
01:31:37,675 --> 01:31:38,676
Come on.

1937
01:31:40,179 --> 01:31:41,777
I can't do it.

1938
01:31:41,779 --> 01:31:45,446
Then I'm not gonna tag anybody
and the game ends with me.

1939
01:31:45,448 --> 01:31:46,581
That's dark.

1940
01:31:46,583 --> 01:31:49,053
Or, just let me tag you.

1941
01:31:51,354 --> 01:31:53,089
All right, fuck it.

1942
01:31:59,162 --> 01:32:00,527
- It!
- Oh, my God!

1943
01:32:00,529 --> 01:32:02,029
Loser! Loser!

1944
01:32:02,031 --> 01:32:03,464
CHILLI: You suck!

1945
01:32:04,066 --> 01:32:06,532
Awesome.

1946
01:32:06,534 --> 01:32:09,335
- Yes!
- You officially suck.

1947
01:32:09,337 --> 01:32:10,570
Aw, you're so it!

1948
01:32:10,572 --> 01:32:12,907
Goddamn! All right!

1949
01:32:14,976 --> 01:32:17,042
I love you guys.

1950
01:32:17,044 --> 01:32:18,445
Love you too, man.

1951
01:32:22,015 --> 01:32:26,617
You know we got five minutes
left of May.

1952
01:32:26,619 --> 01:32:29,387
I ain't gonna be last it.
Bitches!

1953
01:32:47,972 --> 01:32:49,304
JERRY: Look, Bob!
Where are you gonna go, Bob?

1954
01:32:49,306 --> 01:32:50,740
No!

1955
01:32:56,145 --> 01:32:58,915
Verbal amendment?
That women should be playing.

1956
01:33:00,382 --> 01:33:02,784
- Amendment.
- Yeah, amendment.

1957
01:33:04,820 --> 01:33:07,254
Oh, you just made
a big mistake.

1958
01:33:07,256 --> 01:33:08,420
(CHILLI CHUCKLES)

1959
01:33:08,422 --> 01:33:11,056
- You're it, bitch!
- You're it now!

1960
01:33:11,058 --> 01:33:12,558
- You're going down!
- You're too intense!

1961
01:33:12,560 --> 01:33:14,827
You're gonna suck
my tiny ginger balls.

1962
01:33:14,829 --> 01:33:16,228
Gross!

1963
01:33:16,230 --> 01:33:17,462
You're gross!

1964
01:33:17,464 --> 01:33:19,101
(SCREAMS)

1965
01:33:28,241 --> 01:33:29,808
Come on!
Shit! No.

1966
01:33:35,147 --> 01:33:37,347
- You're it.
- No, I can't get involved in the story.

1967
01:33:37,349 --> 01:33:38,681
We made an amendment!

1968
01:33:38,683 --> 01:33:40,316
Come on,
it's a little bit fun right?

1969
01:33:40,318 --> 01:33:41,653
You have about three minutes.

1970
01:33:54,931 --> 01:33:59,166
Sable! Come on.
Where are your ethics, buddy?

1971
01:33:59,168 --> 01:34:01,135
Come on. Just reach out.

1972
01:34:01,137 --> 01:34:03,536
- No!
- You got it.

1973
01:34:03,538 --> 01:34:04,671
Oh, shit, hang on a second.

1974
01:34:04,673 --> 01:34:05,972
CHILLI: You okay?

1975
01:34:05,974 --> 01:34:07,842
- You all right?
- Yeah.

1976
01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:10,946
ANNA: You're it!

1977
01:34:48,113 --> 01:34:49,612
Tag, brother!

1978
01:34:52,383 --> 01:34:54,548
You're it!

1979
01:34:54,550 --> 01:34:57,185
- CAMERAMAN: I'm it?
- You're it?

1980
01:34:57,187 --> 01:34:58,552
CAMERAMAN: Now you're it.

1981
01:34:58,554 --> 01:35:01,523
You got me. No way!
(LAUGHING)

1982
01:35:03,491 --> 01:35:05,995
- Not bad, huh? Pretty hot?
- Wow.

1983
01:35:09,831 --> 01:35:11,132
(GROWLS)

1984
01:35:16,536 --> 01:35:17,902
You're it!

1985
01:35:17,904 --> 01:35:19,139
(SCREAMS)

1986
01:35:21,308 --> 01:35:22,743
Yeah, baby.

1987
01:35:24,211 --> 01:35:26,411
CAMERAMAN:
Hey, fucker. You're it!

1988
01:35:26,413 --> 01:35:28,247
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1989
01:35:29,048 --> 01:35:30,850
You're it! Yeah!

1990
01:35:32,051 --> 01:35:33,585
You're it, baby!

1991
01:37:31,057 --> 01:37:36,259
♪ Once, there was a kid who

1992
01:37:36,261 --> 01:37:40,996
♪ Got into an accident
and couldn't come to school

1993
01:37:40,998 --> 01:37:46,935
♪ But when he
finally came back

1994
01:37:46,937 --> 01:37:54,111
♪ His hair turned
from black into bright white

1995
01:37:55,879 --> 01:37:59,547
♪ He said that it was from
when the cars

1996
01:37:59,549 --> 01:38:04,786
♪ Had smashed him so hard

1997
01:38:05,720 --> 01:38:08,357
(HUMMING)

1998
01:38:16,164 --> 01:38:20,698
♪ Once, there was
this girl who

1999
01:38:20,700 --> 01:38:26,371
♪ Wouldn't go and change with
the girls in the change room

2000
01:38:26,373 --> 01:38:31,441
♪ But when they finally
made her

2001
01:38:31,443 --> 01:38:38,417
♪ They saw red marks
all over her body

2002
01:38:40,752 --> 01:38:43,818
♪ She couldn't quite
explain it

2003
01:38:43,820 --> 01:38:50,194
♪ They'd always just
been there

2004
01:38:51,595 --> 01:38:54,131
(HUMMING)

2005
01:38:59,302 --> 01:39:01,135
♪ Yeah

2006
01:39:01,137 --> 01:39:06,174
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey

2007
01:39:12,046 --> 01:39:17,316
♪ Both the girl and the boy
were glad

2008
01:39:17,318 --> 01:39:23,022
♪ 'Cause one kid
had it worse than that

2009
01:39:27,460 --> 01:39:29,962
(HUMMING)

2010
01:39:40,372 --> 01:39:44,909
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey

2011
01:39:48,346 --> 01:39:53,815
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

2012
01:39:53,817 --> 01:39:58,921
♪ Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

2013
01:40:02,024 --> 01:40:03,892
- MAN: You're it.
- Fucker!

2014
01:40:03,894 --> 01:40:08,899
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard