Why Eternia Online Was A Fucking Atrocity

It's this generic fantasy game and one of my friends from another game suggested I play it, so I join and create an adorable character named Ambroise. SHe liked to dress in men's clothing, was a dyed-in-the-wool lesbian, and was in the generic fantasy land to secure a noble husband and issue  to receive her due inheritance (she was a bastard child but also her father's /only/ child and so inheritance law got tricky). She was more-or-less immediately taken in by some guy we'll call Blue. Now, in this land magic users are literally a dime a dozen, but in Ambroise's home country there were only about a dozen of them (she's one obviously, but her magic's weak as balls compared to the native stuff). She's taken in by Blue's cool lightning magic and also the fact that he pays for all of her stuff and lets her room with him and his sister. Stuff happens, they hang out a lot, Ambrose talks about the old country a lot, she's still looking for a noble husband. Blue confesses to Ambroise after a while and Ambroise goes "great, gee whiz, you're my best friend and I'd marry you if it'd make you happy but I am /deeply/ homosexual and if we are married I'll probably sleep with a lot of prostitutes". Blue takes it about as well as you'd expect. Blue's player takes it just as badly as his character did, which... confused me (she wasn't butch but it wasn't like, you know. A secret. She'd walked into rooms with lipstick marks on her neck and perfume-and-sweat smell before). He threw a fit, moved halfway across the map in a game where travel is a pain in the ass even OOC, and so I fall in with a more distant friend named Kosigona and her extended "family".. which, were, charitably, mostly played by thirteen year olds. While Blue was animesque in like at least a coold stylized way, Kosigona's family was full of a bunch of edgy teenagers. There was a lot of orphans, a lot of /self-inflicted/ orphans, a lot of amnesia cases... you get it. Kosigona herself is basically a cool mom and Ambroise is like the mom's dorky, emotionally broken alcoholic aunt. It was... weird. Ambroise falls in love with Kosigona because duh, but doesn't act on it because she's got issues. Blue shows up drunk and swearing at us and me OOC and IC, which was /hilarious/ if also kind of sad. This kid called Zach falls in with the group. He's like the epitome of a straight white boy and he /looved/ Ambroise (please note that at this point Ambroise is in her thirties and Zach is like 16). He felt her up or something. He was a commoner, Ambroise was a noble lady and so she called rape. Her friends moved to kill him until Ambroise made him sign a contract impelling him to serve as her serf until her death. He ignored the contract when her friends weren't around to threaten him and kept asking me really invasive questions about my gender/sex because god forbid people crossplay and then attempt romantic interaction, the nerve. Kosigona's brother (also played by Kosigona) moves in, there's a hasty marriage followed by a coupling that results in Ambroise throwing up for like a full week. She's sad, I'm sad, everything is sad. At some point just before Ambroise's marriage, Kosigona moves to have herself created Marquess of a fief... and the application drags with the mods for literal months. Ambroise has a kid with her husband (eugh gross) and he's the worst child RPer I've ever seen fucks alive. Ambroise was created with the intent of... maneuvering politically, and yet it had been 20 IC years and nothing had happened and she was becoming incredibly domestic. She eventually confesses to Kosigona in an attempt to break the monotony, and she accepts to Ambroise's eternal surprise... Then it turns out that she got married, immediately afterwards, to an NPC husband. She assumes they can share. Ambroise says "wild" and then I say "Ambroise begins planning to kill your husband" because let's be honest she's not a well-adjusted person. Kosigona's player declares by fiet that her NPC husband is in fact a master Earth mage (at a level far beyond a starting player, even!) who can kill anyone Ambroise throws at him (despite the fact that at this point she's a very skilled illusionist with deep pockets). I called godmodding and... sort of just stopped logging on. Kosigona threw a tantrum and sets her little guild scuttling, last I heard. Poor, sad, 12 year old roleplayers.

Then I log on about a year later and make a new character (whose name I changed so many times I can only remember that it's Arabic). She was created to /avoid/ the trap of domesticitiy-- she knew the scientific methods and statistical analysis, she was bald, thoroughly asexual, and had been mutilated as a child to destroy even the vaguest possibility of coupling with anyone, seriously. On a whim, I gave her no magic and decided that her quest would be to find some way to obtain magic in a setting where it's basically "you have it or you don't" (if it sounds like Akemi Ohashi it's because she's quiet similar to Akemi Ohashi if Akemi Ohashi had had awful cultist parents). Some guy shows up, literal first guy I scene with, and tells Arabkemi that he has a secret magical technique that will give her magic. She's listening. The caveats-- irrevocable love for the guy administering the technique and the ability to have vulcan mind sex. I quit.

And that's why I never use Eternia Online.