SAFETY AT ESA

SAFETY AT ESA

Hi all, I'm Lovare. I was the Prizemaster at ESA, and I will NOT be returning there.

I want everyone to be safe when attending events. Sadly, this has not been my experience.

Personally, I've had 4 separate safety incidents happen to me spread over several ESA events. These included but were not limited to: sexual harassment and assault, being pressured into a precarious situation, and having explicit content shared with me unsolicited.

I will not be silent anymore.

Feeling safe should not be a privilege but a basic human right for everyone. I cannot idly stand by and stay quiet if it means putting others at risk thinking "oh, nothing will happen" and hoping for the best.

Prizes

So first off, I hope everything went well with all the prizes, and that every winner since ESA Summer 2023 has received their goodies. As you may have heard, due to personal health reasons I haven't been able to spend time on the prizes myself. Some of the owners of ESA assured me last year that they would take care of the prizes.

Shortly after that, my roles and access were stripped from me without notice, so I thought I'd check in here after hearing rumors that my illness was being used as a reason for late prizes.

Unfortunately, that's not the only reason I'm checking in. My main concern is with the safety of volunteers and attendees at ESA.

Background

All people should be able to be themselves and be safe. In a perfect world this wouldn't be an issue in the first place.

As you may have noticed, I am a woman! I dress the way I do and act the way I do because I feel it's important to not be afraid of being who I am instead of being who people might want me to be.

My look is by my own design. I put in a lot of thought and effort into my extravagant outfits. Lara Croft was always my greatest inspiration for that. Always unapologetically there, taking up space and being a badass whilst being ok with being sexy too.

That being said, I always make sure to wear boobtape and safety shorts to be certain I do not have any slip ups. As well as I always made sure there would not be any problem with Twitch TOS. I wore more layers at ESA than someone wearing a T-shirt and shorts would for example (skin colored bodysuits, boobtape, etc.) because I know that will be used against me and could be used against women in gaming in general. Which is the exact opposite of what I want to achieve.

I want to be able to be myself in any way, shape or form. Hoping, in turn, to inspire people to be able to wear what they want to, without having to worry about unwillingly standing in the spotlight or getting bullied.

Incidents

This brings me to the current problem at hand.

These are the incidents that happened to me over the course of several events. I’ll try to avoid calling out specific people where possible, because I do NOT want the community to start blaming each other. It won't solve anything. My goal here is to make people aware of safety concerns at ESA that need to be addressed.

Winter 2022 - Incident 1

At this ESA I was followed to my room from the event floor by 3 men. These 3 men were not attendees of ESA and should not have been on the event floor in the first place.

When going to the elevators from the event floor, 3 men decided to walk with me and follow me into the elevator. We talked about gaming and speedrunning in the elevator, but then got off on the same floor. Which raised red flags for me because this floor needs a specific elevator and keycard to access. They should not have been able to get to this floor.

I started walking towards my room and they continued to follow me. I was apprehensive in the elevator, but this is when I became really scared. I was alone and tried to get to my room as fast as possible. They continued to follow me down the hallway. I could hear them. I felt incredibly unsafe at this time and feared what might happen if they caught up with me. I raced to open my door and locked myself inside my room. I could still hear them in the hallway outside. After this, I burst into tears against my door due to all of the stress and fear.

When I came to ESA with what happened, they told me to go to the hotel desk instead. So I went there, alone, and repeated what I had just told ESA. When I told the hotel what happened, I was told that they were aware this was an issue and that if it happened again, then they might be able to do something about it.

At the hotel reception desk there were other women who confirmed these men were already harassing them in the event space.

I felt like the hotel didn’t take this issue seriously until a large man came and threatened to take matters into their own hands.  Only then did the hotel do anything about the issue, and I finally felt heard. After that, miraculously, it wasn't a problem anymore and the culprits weren't seen again at the hotel.

However, after all this I was told by ESA not to talk about it.

Winter 2022 - Incident 2

In one of the staff areas on the ESA event floor I was just sitting for a moment. That’s when out of the blue, my head was grabbed from behind and I felt the other volunteer's face coming closer to the back of my head either kissing or sniffing me.

This caught me completely off guard and I immediately started to panic. I stood up and left right away, saying “I have to go”. I felt that my personal boundaries had been completely violated.

I told the security team what happened straight away. They reassured me that the problem would be handled and asked me not to talk about it and to give them time to address the situation. I was also asked what my preferred outcome would be, and I told them: “I don’t know, I just want to be safe.”

Later at this event, I was once again asked not to talk about this incident by the security team and was told not to engage with the individual in question. To me, it seemed as though the security representative was being asked to repeat this to me and that they were clearly uncomfortable with this, as if they were being forced to do this.

I didn’t receive any follow up on this until I saw the same volunteer attend the next event.

Winter 2023 - Incident 3

During this event, I was taken away by a volunteer from my day-to-day activities and asked to interview someone. They took me to a room with another person and then left us alone for about 20 minutes, taking the camera with them leaving us unable to conduct the interview. Neither of us had a clue of what was happening, so we just waited.

After that 20 minutes had passed, I was pulled out of the room by said volunteer. They then told me they needed a little more time and that the other person in the room I was waiting with was an alleged groper under investigation. They then sent me back into the room to wait with the alleged groper. By myself.

I was completely blindsided by this information. Knowing the person I was left alone in the room with was under investigation without any further information, without me having any idea about what was happening or the timeframe of the volunteers' return. I felt really scared and that it was inappropriate for them to be left alone in there with me. I was basically left to fend for myself, constantly being on high alert and prepared to act in self-defense in case something happened.

After another 10-15 minutes, the volunteer finally came back informing me the interview was canceled.

I reported the volunteer to security because I felt like they put me in a dangerous situation. In response I was told, as before, they would handle it and that I needed to stay quiet about this. However, later I found out that there was no security report made as it wasn’t perceived to be a safety & security issue by some of the ESA owners. I was given no later follow-up about this from the security team.

Later this event I was told by both parties involved in the alleged groping incident that nothing had happened, so my distress during the interview situation was avoidable.

After this, I was told that some of the owners planned to promote the volunteer who put me in this precarious situation. That “the good things outweigh the bad” and I was, once again, told not to talk about it to anybody.

Summer 2023 - Incident 4

After the ESA Dinner, I was talking to a volunteer and gave them a compliment about their partner’s outfit. To which their response was unsolicited, explicit descriptions of their partner’s body and other private details. We were alone at a staff area at this time, so their partner was not there. I was not prepared for this information and neither asked nor consented to talking about this.

I felt that this was extremely disrespectful to both me and the partner in question. It made me feel disgusted and I got myself out of the conversation as soon as possible.

I reported this to the security team after this happened and was told, as per usual at this point, that they would handle it and not to talk to anyone about it. Without any further follow-up about this to me.

I later found out that this had been a recurring problem and overheard that “some people just shouldn’t drink”, shrugging off the entire problem as insignificant. Once again I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously.

Aftermath

In all these events there was 1 safety person who fought for me tooth and nail but who has since not returned to ESA.

From some of the owners, however, I received the same response again and again. “Please stay quiet about this, it's being handled". Every. Single. Time.

I can understand wanting to keep the rumors to a minimum while investigating any incidents, but having follow-up questions get answered with "Don't talk to anyone about this.'' makes me feel like my safety is not a priority.

That, combined with seeing these same people come back and attend event after event, made me feel completely unheard and unsafe. Keeping it silent is NOT the answer and only focusing on damage control is NOT how to handle safety incidents.

At this point in time there is no longer a dedicated safety team at the venue, and in my experience the hotel's safety team won't step in either unless they absolutely have to. Instead, it feels like they're pointing fingers at each other instead of stepping up and taking ownership and responsibility.  When neither party accepts any responsibility for people’s safety and security, it leaves us vulnerable.

Comments from ESA Owners

Previous experiences have taught me that simply by being myself, I could expect a certain response from some people. Both on and offline. I was ready and prepared for that. What I wasn't expecting however was that these kinds of statements, with such lack of respect and disregard for my safety would come from some of the owners of an event raising money for charity.

Examples of the remarks I’ve received from some of the owners of ESA were that “I don’t want images we show of female runners, attendees or prizemasters are “sexy” pictures.” and I was basically told to cover up. Other than that, I was given more demeaning comments like “I didn’t think you would do any work on your own.” or “sometimes you just need to throw 4chan a bone.” This made me feel like I was of little to no value to them as both a volunteer and a person. Instead it felt like I was being seen as either a sexual object, or as an individual with no worth.

Community

Despite all of these issues involving both some of the ESA owners and a few bad apples, the one thing I am grateful for is that most of the community members themselves were absolutely amazing people.

I have met some of the best people in my life at ESA.

YOU stepped in where ESA failed. You helped me when you saw something wasn't right. You gave me the courage to continue to return to ESA each time, and gave me reason to hope for the best. In my opinion you all deserve better than what ESA is providing right now.

I love you all and will gladly visit you at other places/events. Places where safety is taken seriously and I won't have to deal with people who care more about their own reputation than their volunteers’ or attendees' well-being.

Closing

The change that I want to see in ESA is that they take the safety of ALL their attendees and volunteers seriously. That they put this before both the events’ and their own reputation.

My suggestions:

- Reinstate a dedicated safety & security team, independent from the owners of ESA. Instead of having the role being diluted as a side role of said owners, whose focus lies with other duties.

- Swift, decisive action to be taken, regardless of the individual’s reputation or personal standing.

- Establish a functioning process for reporting incidents and following-up with the people involved.

Until this changes, I urge anyone who doesn't feel 100% confident they can stand their ground against people massively overstepping their boundaries to exercise caution. You create your own safety, ESA does NOT guarantee yours. In my experience they find their own reputation far more important.

If something happens, YOU will have to live with the consequences, like I have and will.

I sincerely hope that this changes. If not, there are plenty of events in speedrunning and gaming both bigger and smaller than ESA where I have had zero issues and felt completely safe. I can personally say I've felt safe at for example: BSG, Gamescom, NSG, Tokyo Games Show, UKSG and more.

To everyone going to ESA, PLEASE be safe and keep an eye out for those close to you.

Much love,

Lovare