Thread 98: Stories 16-30

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>Spitfire
"Discord"
'???'
~~~~

>This is illegal.

"Oh, is it? Well, I'll just be sure to head right on down after we're done to the jail cell! That will surely be the end of it!"

>I have full permission to start injuring you.

"Oh ho ho! Do you? Well, right on the cheek! Go for it! Try not to mind the spikes I've spontaneously grown."

>...I'll go get Fluttershy.

"Ahhh, and now we're making threats! By all means, go get Fluttershy! That certainly won't end with her overloading and-"

BLOOP!

>...

"...F-Fluttershy! Hi! Well, this is unexpected, however did you-"

'Discord, why did you have Spitfire dangling in the air? And... what, exactly, is that?'

"This? Oh, this, this is certainly not a means to scan Spitfire for any unnoticed residual reality distortions that Lavan could use in a pinch to bend space time and or her will to pull out a last ditch effort to bring about victory in a defeated scenario! It's... a feather.... for tickling."

'She doesn't look like she's laughing.'

"Not very ticklish?"

>...Now, hold up, I actually understand the first part more, that makes sense to me.

"Which is why I don't use it to explain, do keep up!"

>Okay, are you the lord of chaos, or the lord of lol so randum-

SLAP!

'DISCORD!'

"NO!... NNNNO! NO! I WILL NOT STAY MY HAND! My chaos is practiced, and nuanced, and has meaning, YOU DO NOT USE THOSE WORDS ON ME!"

>..

"NO!"

>...

"...NNNO!"

>...You realize that now I'm expecting you to hit me again, right?

SLAP!

"OW!"

>Didn't expect Fluttershy hitting you, though.

"See!? NOT! RANDOM!"

>...So do I have any weird mojo on me?

"Nope! You're free to go!"

SNAP!
POOF!

'...I'm pretty sure she works here, where did you send her?'

"Appleoosa."

'WHY!?'

"Because she needs to... chill."

'...'

"Ehhh? Ehhhh?"

'...heh...'

"Oh, Fluttershy, you're the only one who understands."

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 >Fleetfoot
"Soarin'
~~~~

"Alright, so, as it turns out, there are a shockingly low number of places that will deliver to betrayers houses, even if they are penthouse suites, good to know!"

>And just to recap, there are even less fancy wine sellers who will sell fancy wine, because they don't want the word to reach the princesses.

"The fact you're more worried about your lack of way too expensive wine and not the fact we have no food is troubling to me. I'm not going to lie here."

>I can survive off nothing but a steady diet of liquor and denial, I've done it no less than three times!

"And yet, somehow, you are still faster than me. Genetics makes assholes of us all, and sometimes life is just not fair."

>What're we going to do!?

"Move?"

>We can't move! This is my place! This thing was really damn expensive!

"While I cannot argue that, sadly, I would like to point out that, yes, yes we can. We can move to literally anywhere. You have a lot of money. Just... so much."

>We can't! This is my place!

"Again, we could, regardless of the place and therein it is."

>Where would we even go!?

"Empire?"

>...

"Tell me that they wouldn't let us, I dare you."

>Tell me that you'd be able to be in the same area as Spitfire for more than a couple seconds without thinking about walking under a crystal spike and letting it fall, I dare you.

"Touché."

>...wow we are fucked, aren't we.

"I'd say so, yeah."

>So... I dunno, want to put on disguises and go down to the market?

"Again?"

>...I call dibs on the mustache!

"YOU MONSTER!"

>It makes me look sexy!

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 >29
"MM"
'Zecora'
~~~~

>Doth thou think we might've gone overboard at some point?

The mayor of ponyville paused, looking pensive and thoughtful for a brief, thinking moment, while tapping her covered, festively dressed hoof to her chin. She turned to their dream creations, her funny colored hair swirling as she surveyed it. A literal planet of wonder and joy filled with more contraptions and creations than could ever be held in all of Canterlot even, and the hundreds if not thousands of children upon them, having a ball be it on rides, dancing, watching a spectacular show or perhaps just watching silly clowns roll by.

She looked to her zebra companion, and shrugged.

"...Nahhhh."

'Nope.'

>Just checking.

"...I'm gonna make a giant lizard for them to fight."

>Why?

"BECAUSE I CAN!"

SKEERRRROOOONNNNKKKKK!

>...Does thou think she is getting quite wrapped up in this?

'Do you think I care? Or challenge her I would dare?'

>I suppose not...

'...'

>She is quite... uh... in here I mean.

'Yep.'

>...Mmmhmmm...

They didn't know why, but their heads, together, tilted to the side.

>'...mmhmm...'

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>....This ain't gotta end like this.

"Oh, we both knew it always was going to."

>This could end just fine, happy and free and not a dang care in the world.

"We both knew that option was never on the table."

>Ya'll could just walk away, who's gonna know?

"...I will."

>Celly, don't do it.

"I was always mean to do it, Applejack. Always. This was always destined to be our end, between you and me. This is how we were always going to finish. Sure, I thought that this day would come when the sun set on the very universe itself, not so soon, but be it this day or a century later, I was ready for it to happen. Now, I suppose, is as good a time as any. Let this be the end."

>...

"...Do you have... any threes?"

>GADDANG CHEATIN' MOTHERFUCKER!

"I only have one card left! How is that cheating!?"

>AH' NOT TAKIN' IT! AH'M BURNIN' THIS PLACE TA' GROUND! NOBODY BEATS ME IN THIS GAME! NOBODYYYYYYYY!

"...Knew it was going to end like this."

BOOM!

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 >10
{BBB}
~~~~~

>Okay, so, these notes are getting really weird. You think there's something wrong with Trendy?

{BZZZT! NINETY PERCENT CONSISTENCY RATE BETWEEN PAST INTERACTIONS!}

>Yeah, I know, but any good reporter knows that ten percent is a lot! I know we're a little busy with the expanding, but all of my reporters are important, ya' know! Gotta make sure every species, ALL OF THEM, know I'm taking care of them and letting them tell it like it is!

{BZZT! Consistency rate is too high for legal action, and warzone restrictions prevent direct action.}

>Yeah, I know... but still, I feel like I should ask for help on this.

{BZZT! Seeking outside aide is preferable to doing it alone!}

>Pfft, you're just scared because I got caught on fire yesterday, whoop de dooooo! Like Coltsburg never saw a mob before.

{...bzzt.}

>So, outside help, yeah?

{BZZT! CORRECT!}

>Good! Let's get to it!

{...}

>...Yes, BBB, you can come too. I'm not gonna stick you into dealing with the expansion again!

{BZZT! ELATION PROTOCOL ACTIVATE!}

>Thought you'd like that.

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>AJ
"AB"
~~~~

"Wow, sis! Ya've had me up fer' a full ten minutes now! Ya' sure yer' okay?"

>Yep... just gotta keep the eye on the prize. How'dya like it?

"It's all tingly and magicy! Ah' love it!"

>Heh, knew ya' would.

"Why didn't ya' do this a'fore, Applejack? This here's fun!"

>...Guess Ah' just didn't have the right motivation yet.

"What'cha mean?"

>Kept droppin' stuff when it got up too long.

"...Uh, yer' not gonna drop me, right?"

>Nope... don't worry, Applebloom, Ah'm not gonna let ya' go.

"Phew!... Spin me again?"

>Still trust me?

"Yep!"

>...heh. Hold on!

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

>...fine, fancy magics are good fer' one thing.

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'???'
~~~~

"And just what do you think you're doing in my bed?"

>Clearly propositioning you for sex, obviously.

"Well, I suppose at least you're consistent, but I should warn you that while I am also a white royal pony who inexplicably puts up with you, there's a key difference between myself and Shining.... it'll become rather noticeable quickly."

>Well, good thing your horn is bigger. We can compare!

"Okay, no, ouch. Ouch ouch ouch, yours had... pointy jagged bits."

>HAH! But no seriously, I'm just waiting.

"Waiting for what? Me?"

>Nope!

"Then the fact you are in my bed is bringing up several troubling questions."

>Now, Celly, I'd NEVER turn into you and pretend to seduce guards looking like such!

"Ah hah, oh dear lord the images."

>HAH! But seriously, I'd never fuck a guard. Goddamn, could you imagine?

"Sadly, no, MOTHER!"

>Stop shaking your hoof at the sky.

"NO!"

>Fine, then I'll just distract you. I'm waiting for Applejack's thing.

"Her thing?"

>Yeah, she wants to do something with my lings, and it's probably going to backfire HILARIOUSLY!

"Notably pessimistic."

>What part of that didn't sound optimistic to you?

"...Oh, fine, schooch."

>HAH! I brought bonbons for you.

"You already have me in the bed, you don't have to seduce me!"

>Nah, just have to keep you around till Shiny comes calling.

"So, that's an endless supply?"

>Celly? If you were given the option, right now, to fuck you and me at the same time, would you do it?

"....."

>...

"...So how long till this goes off?"

>Pfft.

"Shut up."

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 >Chitania
"13"
~~~~

>...This is fun.

"This is not fun."

>The box said it would be fun.

"The box is a damn, damn dirty liar."

>Maybe it will get fun later.

"We have been at this for literal, LITERAL, hours. It is not getting anymore fun."

>Maybe more hours are needed?

"..."

>...This is not fun.

"This is not fucking fun."

>I don't know why anyone would find this fun.

"You know what would be fun? Watching whoever made this burn."

>That would be fun.

"...mom?"

>Hm?

"If you ever get the chance, you find who made this game, and you punch them in Titan form."

>For you, child.

Without another word, she got up, and tossed the Monopony board right in the trash.

>...The future is stupid sometimes.

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 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~

>Honey? Why did Discord just fly by and give me a thumbs up?

"I don't know, maybe you did something nice for him? Really, Shining, he's a little unsettling, but we deal with more offsetting individuals... Chrysalis... so if he's merely just giving you a greeting, perhaps we should be nicer?"

>Did I forget to mention he's wearing a maid's outfit?

"..."

>...I did, didn't I?

"..."

>He's doing that.

"...Change the topic."

>Eighteen wants to go on a date again tonight.

"Oh! That sounds lovely, I need some time out of the house."

>We went on vacation like, yesterday.

"Need a little more."

>Uh huh... so, uh... in regards to the Forty Two thing-

"What, you want to invite her too? Well, I suppose..."

>...

"...Clarify?"

>I meant the whole 'practice' thing, does that mean you-

"Oh! I see."

>...

"...I'm going to go start getting ready!"

>It's the middle of the day.

"I want to be on time!"

>......shit, I have nothing to that... why!?

~I want more!~

>MORE WHAT, DISCORD!?

~You'll know... you'll know...~

>...The FUCK happened to my life!?

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>Spitfire
"Crystal Pegasi:
~~~

>...How.

"How fires? Uh... long story."

>...

"Short story, uh, Shimmerwing landed in the rocket storage facility."

>...Isn't that a fortified area?

"Shimmerwing is also going to be... uh... off duty, for a couple weeks."

>...

"Sorry boss."

>No no, I should have imparted to you, my students, not to fly into volatile heavy munitions. That was on me, and I apologize.

"...I don't feel like you should have-"

>No no!... No. Nooo, it's fine.

"..."

>Just fine.

"...So, uh..."

>Put out the fires.

"You mean, uh..."

>Yes, now. I mean now. Go do that.

"Okay!... Do uh-"

>Yes, if you could find the changeling princess and ask her to come give me a hug, I would appreciate it.

"Can do!"

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>Scientist
"Night Gaurd"
'Night guard 2'
~|~~~
She had been trained for this. Told exactly what it was she was supposed to say in this situation by her superiors, with the knowledge that deviation from such would bring dire consequences.

Give them nothing, lie as much as you can, be believeable and throw them off the scent, regardless of what they asked. For whatever it was, it was company secrets, and thus worth your life. Be silent, speak only in lies, and no matter what, never let them see you sweat. That was how she was trained.

>Y-you guys are in big trouble! I'm super important! When my bosses hear about this, oooo~, you're gonna get it!

She had unfortunately been very sick on training day. All of them.

Every single year too, in a horrible coincidence.

"Look, ma'am? Official business. Princess official business. We've got questions."

The restraints burned as she yet again tried to kick him, hind legs flailing about in reckless abandon when he tried to near.

>B-BACK OFF! I do push-ups sometimes! I kick like a mule!

'Ma'am, there's no need to be racist.'

Her chair over toppled over for what would be the ninth time today, only barely holding on despite her frenzied attacks.

>Y-YOU'RE G-GONNA GET IT!

'All the others talked in half this...'

>Don't rape meeeeeee! Please!? I'm not very good in bed! Oh dear Celestia I didn't want this today!

This had not been the first time she had begged not to be raped, and at some point they just got tired of denying it... or pointing out one of them was gay.

And the other one had... 'Preferences'.

Large ones.

"For fucks sake the princess does not pay enough for this... Okay, listen, we found 'an individual' who had connections to 'a device'. The schematics for this device lead us to a metal worker who forged it, who lead us to the one who manufactured the system innards, who lead us to the ones who programmed the system, who lead us to you, the aparent mare who did the magical bio-research to make it compatible with alicorn magic that the damn princess used to power her computer, and you are just supposed to tell us who you work for so we can go interrogate them. Just need a name! That's all! Just give us a name, and then we can let you go and bug them instead!'

>BUG! That's it!

'You... Work for a bug?'

"Please don't insult our intellegence and imply that a changeling is running a major industry."

'... Or do, because I guess they could infiltrate it?'

"Fucking bug monsters are so creepy."

'Except the baby.'

"Obviously except for Glimmers! Come on, buddy. She's gonna raise her right."

>You're gonna regret it now!

"Ma'am, there is no part of this job we aren't regretting right now."

>I'm serious! My coltfriend is a changeling, and he's gonna kick your ass!

'...you cannot be serious.'

>He's, like, a super agent too! He'll find me like that! He's gonna notice I'm gone and come over here and kick your ass! You better let me go or else I'm gonna tell him and he'll kick your ass! He works out, I think! Boom! He'll fuck you up!

The stare they gave her could see into her very soul, if only they could bring up the energy.

"At some point this just got really sad."

'Look, just... Ugh, just tell us who you built this magical decoding algorithm for!'

>I'm serious! He's gonna find me and kick your ass!

His limit long since reached and quite unceremoniously broken, the taller of the guards simply walked forwards, grabbed hold, and stared right into her terrified, squealing face.

He was done.

"Ma'am, we have been fed a lot of bullshit today, but this is by far the dumbest. Drop this act now, drop this whole threat thing, and start talking like we have brains in our heads. The fuck are you even talking about?"

~She means me.~

Two night soldiers, trained in the art if stealth, and they hadn't even heard a sound until it echoed though the empty wear house. In seconds they were on edge, searching, looking with eyes that could see in the dark until they saw the silhouetted form.

Up above, hidden in a rafter, was indeed, a changeling.

>...Holy shit that worked!

A silent look, a trained eye, and without a word, both soldiers smoothly slipped into position, and readied themselves to fight.

It seemed the rabbit hole was even deeper than their princess had suspected...

>KICK THEIR ASS, BABY CAKES!

~... Did you just call me-~

They saw a moment of distraction.

They took it, and charged.

>KICK THEIR ASSES!

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OOCO
>AJ
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>Alright, whatcha got fer' me?

"I call it... Partyland 2!"

>... Pinkie? Gimme those blueprints.

"Oh! Am I getting approved already!? You're the best, AJ! I thought I was going to have to do a big speech..."

>...

"That... That match isn't for lighting celebration cakes, is it?"

>It ain't.

"Oh..."

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OOCO
>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
~~~~

'OH COME ON!'

>Huh. Not me or Applejack saying that for once. This is new.

"What's the problem?"

'What's the problem!? You're in my hot tub again!'

"To be fair, I'm the one who swindled this hot tub out of the guy. I think it's fair I be allowed in here."

'IN SHINY'S LAP!'

"Oh. That. Yeah, I am that, I will give you that."

'SHINY!'

>If at some point you think this was my doing, I feel we need to reopen communications in our relationship.

'I mean push her off!'

>She weighs, just... so much.

"All ass, baby!"

>That's not better.

"It is for most stallions."

'Get off of him!'

"Why, you want to sit in his lap instead?"

>Suddenly interested...

'No! I just don't want you in there!'

>Interest waned...

"Well, if you're not gonna use it, then don't you want me here so I take up less space in the hot tub?"

'...'

>...Really?

'I'm trying to fight her logic! Hold on!'

>...

"...really?"

'Hold on I said!'

>"..."

'...Crap! Hold on, I'm gonna go get Eighteen, and when she figures out the logical loophole you are GETTING OFF MY SHINY!'

SLAM!

>...

"...REALLY!?"

>Huh. The fact that's coming from you makes this worse.

"..."

>Please get off my lap.

"Don't you want to see what she comes up with?"

>...Damn it, I kinda do...

"...wiggle wiggle."

>Stop.

"Spoilsport."

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 >Lavan
"Dragon"
~~~~

>...You are interesting.

"Aw, fuck, really? Another goddamn giant monster thing?"

>You are very interesting.

"Of course I am. Hey, listen, I don't want any trouble okay? I watched my buddy literally get stepped on to flatness a while ago, and you know what? I'm just not into that sort of thing."

>Do something interesting.

"Is running interesting?"

>Yes.

"Huh..."

>...

"WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOP!"

>...That wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be. Maybe if he was on fire.

"OH GOD IT BURNS! HOW DOES IT BURN!? IS THIS WHAT BURNING FEELS LIKE!? OH DEAR GREAT CLAW I'M AN AWFUL CREATURE, OTHER THINGS SHOULDN'T FEEL THIS! REPENT! I'M REPEEENNNNTTTIIIINNNNNGG!"

>...That seems right.

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 >Soarin'
"Fleetfoot"
~~~

>No go?

"What do you think!?"

>Really? They actually turned you down?

"FUCKING OBVIOUSLY THEY DID!"

>Even though you financing their business would've been anonymously done?

"..."

>Right, yes, obviously. Soooo... yeah, apparently we can't even give your money away, huh.

"THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT! I'm trying to be nice! I'm trying! I'm really goddamn trying here! This isn't fair! It's not right! IT'S NOT RIGHT!"

>Er... it's actually both of those things, considering...

"BULLSHIT! I offered to be a maid! A MAID WHO CLEANS WITH HER TONGUE!"

>You did do that, yes. Not your proudest moment.

"But no, but nooooo! Not for me!"

>Yeah, not for the drug dealer who got super rich off of illegally enhancing others abilities to be in the Wonderbolts.

"...You can't prove that."

>Fleetfoot.

"I deny ever having done that! DENY!"

>Uh huh.

"...So, what next?'

>I dunno.

"...Wanna have a money fight?"

>...Something to do I guess-

POW!

>OW! SON OF A BITCH! Not coins! WHY WOULD YOU USE COINS!? MY TEETH, SPITFIRE!

"Whoops. Guess we're going to the dentist..."

>...

"Shit."

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