Forged Destiny [Book 7: Ch. 13]

"I can still remember what it felt like in the arena," I explained, "I didn't break there, but I was breaking. I felt the symptoms." Despite my Resilience. It was high, ridiculously high, but that didn't make me immune to what Raven was doing. It only meant I could take more of it, and that she'd have to work harder and for longer. Even if the Resilience was willing, the mind had limits. "I think I might be able to mimic it."

[...]

Saying I was going to act like I'd gone mad and doing it were two different things. I knew what the end goal was, what the final stage of my `breaking` would look like, but the problem was the transition. If I went from completely sane to stark raving mad, the guards might be a little suspicious, or just plain confused. I also doubted that `madness` would strike while I was asleep. I also didn't intend to go `raving mad` because I had a feeling that was too far. Raven wanted me addicted to the Exp, and that required at least the mental faculties to understand what Exp was and how I'd earn it. Instead, I tried to think of how someone addicted to alcohol or other substances might act.

As such, under Lisa's subtle supervision, I began to twitch.

I kept it slow at first, kicking my feet a little more, tapping my hands on the bars. Moving around and shuffling like I couldn't quite sit still. I started to rattle the cage after an hour or so of that, first by bumping against the bars, and then by kicking them with my feet.

More than once the guards came over to tell me to stop. First with the butt of a spear they used to poke me, but soon with thrown objects. After weathering the storm and continuing to fidget, the two gave up, talking louder to mask the noise.

Lisa nodded in a way that seemed to say `keep going`, even as she spoke, "Jaune. What's wrong?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, not quietly at all. "Just feeling cramped. Can't move much. It's not right."

For the sake of not looking too out of place, I toned down the fidgeting for half an hour or so. When two new guards came to relieve the old ones, I had to hide a smile as the first said, "He's starting to fray at the edges. Just ignore the noise he makes."

When the original guards left, I skipped a few stages. The new guards didn't have enough to go on, so they wouldn't notice it. I began to groan and grumble. I complained loudly to myself about not being able to move and then made a habit of tapping my hands together, as if I was trying to amuse myself or keep my hands busy.

When Vernal came back hours later, I forced myself to stare her in the eyes and ask, "Is it the arena?"

"Bastard." She kicked my cage harshly, making it rattle. "Did I say you could talk to me?"

I gritted my teeth. "I want to fight!"

Vernal paused. A small, cruel smile slipped across her face. "Yeah?"

"Let me fight in the arena."

"Raven is the one who gets to decide that. Tell you what, I'll ask on your behalf. Any chance to see you get stabbed is worth it in my book." Vernal tossed me some bread and this time didn't bother with any games over the fish. I made a show of tearing into the fish ravenously, despite that I wasn't all that hungry. "Heh. Like a fucking animal."

She gave the cage a final kick before she left, knocking my head back into the bars. I groaned and tried to kick back, an act of aggression I'd never dared show before for Lisa's sake. It caught Vernal by surprise, stubbing her toe.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Vernal brought her foot up, prepared to kick through the bars and into my face.

"Leave him alone!" Lisa suddenly cried, surging to the bars and my defence. "Haven't you done enough?"

"I've not done nearly enough." Vernal drove her foot down, aiming for my face. I shifted enough that it missed and hit my chest instead, then snapped a hand out to grab her belt through the bars. Vernal realised her mistake a second too late. "Shit!"

"DIE!" I screamed, dragging her in. Vernal's face collided with the bars and I grabbed her collar with my other hand, trying to pull her through the bars entirely. Her hands scrambled for her weapon, but she couldn't quite reach it. "I'll kill you," I hissed, "I'll kill you!"

A wooden pole slammed into the side of my head. Lisa screamed suddenly. The two guards had finally noticed what was happening and come over, both beating me across the head and arms, one with the haft of a spear, the other with a wooden baton. I made a show of holding on as long as I reasonably could, before a solid blow hit my temple and I slumped down, retching. My vision swam, and that was before Vernal kicked me in the face.

"Filthy dog!" she roared, kicking again. "Think you can kill me. I'll murder you!"

"Enough." One of the guards pulled her back, his arms under hers. "That's enough, Vernal. You're going to kill him."

"Damn fucking right I am!"

"Get her out," the other said, nodding to the door. He tapped my back with the spear's butt, staying out of reach of me himself. "He's not going anywhere. Tell someone else to come in, then find Raven."

The guard struggling with the wildly kicking Vernal grunted his agreement. Leaning back so that her feet were dragged off the floor, he bodily carried her out. Even with her levels and strength, there wasn't much the Rogue could do without footing.

"Not the wisest move you could have made," the guard left behind remarked.

"I want… to fight…" I rasped.

"Please," Lisa sobbed, actually managing to cry. The tears might not all have been fake, with her having to watch me be beaten like that. "He's had enough. Please, just leave him alone. He's not a threat."

"Yeah, yeah." The guard sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Thankfully, he didn't share Vernal's appreciation for pain and grumbled to himself as he walked back to his table. He came back with a bowl of water that he pushed through the bars with his spear. He was never foolish enough to come close enough to be grabbed.

Lisa took the bowl and then made a show of drawing me back to lean against the bars closest to hers, reaching her hands through and into mine, cradling my head. With her other hand, she brought the bowl to my lips. "It's okay," she whispered, "I've got you. Drink."

It took fifteen minutes or so for Raven to appear, and by that point Lisa had put the bowl down, though she still ran her fingers through my hair. Something I'd have found awkward in any other situation. Right now, with the bruises forming from the beating, the motion was soothing. It reminded me of my mother stroking my head when I had a fever. Lisa's hands were cool and soft.

Raven was the opposite. Her red eyes sought mine the moment she entered the room, but I kept mine on the wall behind her shoulder, hoping it made me look hazy eyed or unfocused. I caught her smile, however.

"Well, well, well. Vernal tells me you've been quite the naughty boy."

"She tried to kick him!" Lisa argued.

"And he tried to kill her, I hear." Raven crouched before my cage. Lisa's hands tightened, holding me protectively. "Why?"

With a grunt, I let my eyes focus on hers. "I wanted to kill her."

"Why? For what reason?"

"Because she's an ass and I don't like her."

Raven laughed. She threw her head back and laughed; a rich and hearty sound. "I think that's the best answer someone's ever given for wanting to kill someone. Is that all it is, however?"

"Yes," I said quickly, desperately. "Nothing more."

"Oh? I think there is something more."

The Exp lust. Or addiction. Whatever she wanted to call it. I wasn't sure how to emulate it, and instead decided to go the whole way. I thought of what I'd felt in the arena when I gained a level. I recalled the rush, the sensation of growing stronger. I even fought of Cinder, where I'd gained a heap of levels at once. Back then, the whole war situation and the grief of having killed her outweighed any positive feelings, but here and now, with my body genuinely exhausted and suffering, the memory was a tempting one.

Worse, like an addict thinking of what they were addicted to, I began to feel the same hunger again. Subtle, seductive. I didn't long for it and I didn't snap, not like I had in the full throws of it in the arena, but that desire must have shown on my face because Raven smiled.

"Yes. There it is. Vernal is quite a bit higher level than you. You'd probably get more than one level from killing her."

The excitement I bit back on wasn't entirely faked.

"Not that I'd let you. Vernal still has her part to play." Raven stood. "Still, it seems you're not enjoying my hospitality quite so much. Tell me. What can I do to satisfy you?"

"Let me out."

"I'm not prepared to release you just yet…"

"Not release," I said. "Let me out. Let me move. Let me fi- feel the sunlight."

"Let you fight?" Raven said, seeing through me. "Do you want to go into the arena again, Jaune? Do you want to taste the life and death struggle and the rewards that come from it?" She placed her face close to the bars. "Do you want the sweet kiss of Exp to push you over the edge and cause new strength to flow out of you. Do you want that? Do you long for it?"

As much as I was playing it up for her, my body reacted. Much to my shame, I felt myself harden. I growled through gritted teeth.

"I want it."

"Ha. It took a while. You were unusually resilient."

My blood froze at the word as I wondered if she knew the truth of that statement. She carried on, however, either not knowing what I did or not realising its significance.

"That said, you've already torn through quite a few of my Greycloaks. I'm not sure there are many left who would volunteer to fight you. Other than Vernal, of course." Raven tapped her fingers on the bars and watched me with an amused expression. Her eyes slid to Lisa, too, who hugged me and glared back. "Hm. There may be another way, but it will take a little time to organise. I'm sure you can wait until tomorrow."

"N-No. I want it now…"

"Tomorrow," she said again, standing. "And just think about the feeling, Jaune. Think about how it felt to level and savour it. Absence only makes the heart grow fonder." Turning away, Raven looked to the two guards, the one that had left to find her having accompanied her back. "Increase their rations. I want him well fed, and he'll only share it with her if you don't up hers as well. And I want you to deliver it. Vernal is not to see them without my supervision."

"Understood, ma'am," the first Greycloak said. "What should we do if she forces her way in?"

"Tell her that your orders come from me and that she will pay the price for breaking them. Angry as she is, she won't dare cross that line." Raven walked to the door, though she paused to look back to me one final time. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jaune. Try to hold on just a little longer."

For the rest of the day, I made sure to groan, kick, spill my water and generally act like someone deprived of something they desperately needed. All the while, Lisa whispered encouragements, tried to feed me like one might a baby and called out for the guards to "help him, please help him" to no avail.

—Forged Destiny [Book 7: Ch. 13]