Kat Jumpchain 2 Shrek

Jump # 2 Shrek
Age: ???
Gender: Female
Starting Location: Shrek’s Swamp
Background: Royalty (100)
Perks:
*Fairy Godmother’s Real Child (400, Discount)
Equipment:
*Shrekinomicon (150, Discount)
*Special Promotion (50)
*Pumpkin Carriage (100)
*Gold (0)
*Castle (200, Discount)

Journal 2 Entry # 1

It’s funny, I even as messed up as it was Gotham had become my home. The bat family as flawed as they all were had become my family. They were the best family I ever had. I was told I could see them again someday. I really grew up there. I am not even sure why I agreed to leave.

It was strange finding myself here, in this odd yet familiar swamp. I remember likening these movies when I was a kid. God that seems so long ago now and my head is all fuzzy with these new memories.

So I am a princess on the run. I thought being a princess would be fun. Yeah that delusion didn’t last long. It turns out if you have an older brother to inherit the throne you’re just a bargaining chip. So I was supposed to wed some guy who I barely got to know and turned out to be an obnoxious arrogant jerk. My fantasy got a little too realistic.

Anyways I met Shrek… He yelled at me and tried to scare me. He angrily told me to leave and that he was a fearsome ogre. I kind of felt bad for him. After Gotham he just wasn’t scary. Then he noticed my castle in his swamp. In fairness I don’t know how it got there either. He was livid.

He yelled and ranted at me some more demanding I move the castle out of his swamp. I calmly explained I don’t know how it got in his swamp and I lacked the ability to move it.

Finally I offered that I would stay out of his way as I tried to figure out a way to move my castle somewhere else. Reluctantly he agreed as, he didn’t have much choice in the matter.


Journal 2 entry # 5

Okay so having a castle without people to clean and maintain it… not that great really. I think Alfred would laugh at me if he saw me trying to clean and maintain this place all on my lonesome. I am beginning to suspect Alfred must have had a bunch of superpowers to do what he did for us.

The isolation here hasn’t helped I’ve been here a few days. I have tried to give Shrek his space. I can sympathize. When I first landed on the streets I was so hurt and angry I tried to push everyone away. Of course I was a bit scared of everyone back then. Then some crazy old man stuck a knife in my chest because I had food and he wanted some. I guess my fears weren’t unfounded.
Speaking of food I found unlimited burger king food here… it’s edible… kind of. Mostly I have been using the food in my Warehouse to get by.

Maybe I should abandon the castle. I thought it would be great to always have a home but I guess maybe a castle wasn’t the best choice… not without other people to help maintain it.

Journal 2 entry # 6

Ughhh… I really need to watch what I wish for. After being lonely lately I have had guests, very annoying and troublesome guests.

First a group of villagers mistook my situation and tried to rescue me from the evil ogre.  That wasn’t fun. I mean they honestly thought they were doing a good thing. Apparently they came to capture Shrek but seeing my situation and spectacularly misunderstanding it, they stormed my castle and grabbed me to pull me out.

It took all of my gained self-control over years of training not to beat everyone grabbing me in the group down. I still do not like to be touched without my permission. I was trying to explain instead but they wouldn’t hear of it. I was trying not to fight too much to not accidently hurt someone but they were intent on dragging me out.

Strangely it was Shrek who would up saving me. He had apparently scared off the villagers that had tried to keep him busy and seeing me trying to escape these idiots. He scared them all off.

Apparently his big scary ogre act was too much for my rescuers as they dropped me and ran off.

I was a little surprised. I thanked him for his help. I think I embarrassed him a bit with that. I knew from the movie he wasn’t a bad guy but it was nice to see it in person. I sort of want to be his friend now.


Journal 2 entry # 8

My castle has been invaded! My castle is now overflowing with fairytale creatures. I have the big bad wolf chilling in my bed and I am pretty sure snow white is in one of my guest rooms. I hear a few wound up at Shrek’s place but I guess when it comes down to it my castle is nicer to crash at than his shack.
Sadly I wouldn’t mind so much but they came without asking and none of them are intent on picking up after themselves.

I had just gotten used to dealing with Donkey who Shrek pawned off on me because… I sort of owe him for earlier.

Anyways Shrek is going to go do something about this by visiting Lord Farquaad. I volunteered to go with him because… well I need to learn the land and finding out where there are more humans. Isolation is doing me no favors.

Shrek was reluctant to let me travel with them, then I roundhouse kicked a tree thicker than I was and snapped it in half. He was stunned for a moment then said. “Okay, you can come.”


Journal Entry # 11


Ok let me just say… Fuck Dragons; Seriously. I can’t count how many times I almost got toasted by that damn giant lizard. I knew I should have brought my fireproof costume. At least I thought to bring my utility belt, thankfully.

So it turns out trying to recreate what happened by dumb luck and plot armor in the original story is hard. I was sent with Donkey when he and Shrek split up to search the tower. I told Donkey I would sneak around a bit to have a look. Donkey at first was ok with this until he realized it would leave him alone but by that time he had already run in to the dragon.

At first Donkey first donkey screamed for me but then thankfully he started to sweet talk the dragon like he did in the movie. The dragon was receptive which freaked donkey out.

I felt bad but I needed to buy Shrek some time with Fiona. Just to make sure things didn’t go too far I used the new magic that I was supposed to have from this world to animate the chain that the chandelier above them was hanging by.

Shrek comes in looking for donkey and me I activate the chain which slips down like a boa constrictor and binds up the dragon.

Easy win everyone goes home happily ever after… That’s how I had planned it anyways.

I’ll admit I underestimated the dragon a bit; Quite a bit actually. Apparently they can breathe fire through their nostrils and apparently if one is bound it will go nuts thrashing around and spraying fire everywhere. My chain wasn’t strong enough to pin it down apparently.

While my chain is holding which I get the feeling won’t be long Shrek grabs everyone and we run like we for it.

We get a good ways away and I think things are going to be alright then there is an audible snap and a loud roar. At the same time I feel my chain that I had animated had been destroyed.

It’s not the first oh crap moment I have had in my life but certainly one of the biggest.

I tell Shrek to set me down I’ll hold it off. He refuses until I point out that dragon is going to kill us all if he doesn’t.

For some reason he stops and sighs setting me down telling me just to make sure I make it back.

They left and the dragon came charging not long after. I almost got toasted because she breathed as soon as she saw me.

That started our battle. I lobed various things like spells, various types of grenades and pellets at her. They were more distraction than anything else.

I was dodging around like crazy questioning the decisions I had made up until this point until I realized my utility belt was empty, no more batarangs, and flashbangs or even smoke pellets. All I had now was magic to fall back on.

I had a good idea what spell to use but dragons are notoriously stubborn when it comes to resisting magic. So I charged up the strongest sleep spell I could manage at that point waited for the flames to die away and nailed her with it.

I would love to say it worked immediately and I walked away but it turned in to a battle of wills mine against a giant flaming lizard of death and she had no intentions of losing.

It felt like hours of us just slamming our wills against each other I could feel my strength draining… but then she broke first somehow and collapsed with a loud thud.

… and that’s how I singlehandedly defeated a dragon.


Journal 2 Entry # 15

Okay, so I have been traveling with Shrek and Fiona for a bit now. I like Fiona she is nice… but I’ll admit being around the lovebirds is starting to get to me.  I didn’t know why… Donkey called me jealous. The little motor mouth; At first I just ignored it as Donkey being Donkey but in a way maybe it’s true.

Not that I want Shrek, he is a nice guy and all but a lot of the stuff he does is gross, definitely a good friend but nothing more. I guess maybe I am missing not being in love myself.

Its funny my only brush with romance was to be the rebound to someone who was more like a big brother than anything else. It ended well enough but it was nice while it lasted.

Anyways I have been pushing Fiona to reveal her “big secret” to Shrek. So far that’s a no. I mean if ever there was anyone who wouldn’t judge it was Shrek. Some people are just too stubborn.


Journal 2 Entry # 20

Well that was a thing that happened.


I am not sure how to convey a face palm in text but if I could I would here. How did things go so badly? So I convinced Fiona to reveal her secret to Shrek, He took it well because he is a cool guy. It looked like Fiona and Shrek were going to get together. Whatever the case Fiona had no interest in Farquaad. Having met the guy I can say good for her.

Unfortunately we were close to Duloc by that time and Shrek still wanted to go get the deed to his swamp saying it was his. This was a bad idea, I told them this was a bad idea, Shrek thought that I took out a dragon I could handle any trouble that he couldn’t.

Well we went to get the swamp back and explain things…

Things went bad pretty much from the start. It turns out some knights and the court mage from my kingdom were there to collect me. Also during the discussion part of things it came out Fiona was in love with Shrek because Donkey can’t keep his mouth shut.  Farquaad believed Fiona had been enchanted by Shrek because that’s the only way a princess would fall for a beast

Things went poorly. It devolved in to a battle on many fronts. I didn’t want to be dragged off to be married to someone I didn’t love so I fought, Shrek and Donkey were fighting for their lives and Fiona was fighting for her freedom.

There were magic explosions, people being turned in to things, knights flying everywhere. It was an epic battle but a lost cause. There were archers and just too many knights. I was getting tired so I used the rest of my magic to just teleport us out of there.

Long distance teleporting is hard, at least for me. I was aiming for my castle we wound up lost in the woods somewhere. At least it wasn’t a very long fall this time, we landed above a lake anyways. So are now wet, tired, and have no idea where we are. I hate to say it but I think things would have turned out better had I not been around.


Journal 2 Entry 22

I remember some movie once that said you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I am beginning to wonder if that is my fate here. We bumped in to the Merry Men again… They were less than thrilled to see us again.

Doing my best batman Impression I bullied our way in to staying with them a bit. Maybe it was because I am not a fugitive in two kingdoms but I am getting tired of running and hiding. My dreams of being a fairytale princess have long been shattered. I am thinking of putting together an army and conquering Duloc.

It’s run by a creep, we could run to Fiona’s kingdom I suppose but that won’t solve my problem. If I am the queen of Duloc I can tell my parents to fuck off.

Oh also we ran in to the Dragon again, rather Donkey ran in to her first. Poor thing was heartbroken. It seems they have hit things off but when she saw me it was almost round 2 until Donkey spoke up and settled things down. We have an uneasy peace at the moment; I catch her giving me a dirty look every now and then. I think I may have hurt her pride.

Journal 2 Entry 30

Well it’s done. I built a ragtag army I had no experience leading nor am I a great speaker or commander but it turns out Lord Farquaad has been a big enough dick a lot of people want him gone. I am not anticipating a great battle. I have a plan, it was never my strong suit with the bat family but I think it’s simple enough. I just hope the training I have from them. I wonder what Bruce would think of what I am doing. There is a possibility of people being hurt because of this but if my plan works it should minimize the losses.

Journal 2 Entry 33

That was disturbingly easy. I had my army march on Duloc and while they were distracted with the sudden appearance of an army I snuck in to the city found Farquaad and made him surrender. It’s amazing what putting all his guards to sleep and then turning his sword in to a snake did. The guy just folded after that. So there was no great battle. No loss of life. I just took it by skill and raw power.
Anyways I am now a Queen. Since I was already a Princess I don’t have to marry anyone. Shrek got his swamp back, The fairytale creatures were freed. Everything seems to be turning out ok. I am not sure what I did was right but people seem happy with it. I guess I did good.