I believe I owe a statement to everyone given the recent events. I've decided to move on from the persona modding community, potentially permanently.

I realize now that I truly have a problem, and I believe I was addicted to modding to some extent. I only realized this when I figured out how downright terrible it was for me to pull all-nighters before work, and then continuing to work on mods while at my actual job.

It wasn't just work that got me hooked, I believe I was hooked on the satisfaction from others, constantly seeking some sort of validation. When I didn't get that validation, I would sink deeper into that obsession, moving onto bigger and bolder tasks in hopes of some sort of feedback I realized that I wasn't making anything for myself anymore, always filling requests and doing things out of spite. I joked that spite was the best motivator, but it truly isn’t. Doing things out of love or actual passion is the best motivation.

I believed these actions were "proof of my passion" but that wasn't it at all. It was true obsession. The night time music mod? Purely out of spite, I had no intentions of using it myself considering I mute the game's music and play my own. It was things like these that made me realize the obsession I had with persona modding and the validation I got from it.

My whole life I’ve had anger problems over a lack of control. The lack of it, the challenge of facing it, all of it. And I don’t think I ever truly moved on or healed from that problem I had when I was younger. I believed that this work would give me back that sense of control, I could do what I wanted and forge my own path, make stuff that I want and not care what others think. Except that’s the opposite of what happened.

When that sense of control was challenged, I would lash out at others and point fingers, and never take responsibility. This led to constant conflict with others, where i never was actually honest about who was at fault. I’d give half assed apologies in an attempt to make things better, not actually believing them, and expect things to go back to the exact way they were before.

Reflecting on this now, I want to give a sincere apology to all the people I’ve snapped at, acted rude towards, did childish things in return, and overall acted like a terrible person. I never truly took your feedback to heart when I should have, and I know now that I’ve severed that relationship by not truly owning up to my mistakes and proving that I was capable of change at the time.

Circling back to the obsession, I let it bleed into my relationships with others. I used to say "people mistake my passion for annoyance" but no, I truly was annoying, I’ll own that. The number of times I would ask someone for help only to figure it out on my own minutes later was astronomical. I let this obsession with the craft mix with the frustrations of my personal life turn into a huge mess.

I would lash out at innocent people for simply pointing out flaws with my work, calling people childish names and acting completely immaturely. I was completely blind to the way I was treating others, insisting they were "disrespecting" me. I know now that respect is not deserved, but earned, and I have never been less deserving than I have these past few months.

I've been completely blind to the way in which I treat others, giving half-assed apologies only to fall back to the same mistakes time and time again. I insisted it was other's fault at every possible opportunity, when in reality, people were truly just sick of me and the way I was treating them. I've offended people who truly only had my best interest at heart, taken advantage of people's repeated instances of forgiveness, and acted completely immature to those around me.

Multiple people told me to take breaks, and I insisted I would, but I fell back into that obsession with modding again and began making the same mistakes, just in a different environment. I’d ping people over stupid mistakes, refuse to do any research for myself outside of there, and insisted on being spoonfed information. The entire time I was supposed to be stepping away and proving that I can do better, I was just digging myself a deeper hole.

Not once during the course of those two months away did I prove I was capable of change and attempting to grow past my mistakes and actions.

Just recently, I put an apology into a Discord server, only to lash out and act like a complete fool once it wasn't received in the exact way I wanted. This is another example of how I refused to actually grow as a person. I was given an opportunity again to prove I was capable of growing, but instead I acted like a child yet again. Proving that the “break” I took was for absolutely nothing.

Trashing my GameBanana profile was a mistake, I'll admit. I was lashing out again like a child. However, I want to take this as an opportunity to completely detach myself from this community in an attempt to grow as a person and move on. I know this upset quite a lot of people, given that I basically deleted thousands of hours of work over some issues I had with less than a handful of people, I realize this and I am sorry for it.

Anyone is free to reupload my content, given that you understand how it works well enough to update if needed, not just Brawler. All I ask is that you keep my name out of it. I'd like for the community to be able to grow and move past all the heartache and pain that I've caused.

I want to apologize to all those that I've hurt, taken advantage of, abused, cursed, and acted completely terrible to. I’ll be taking the time I need to reflect on my prior actions and attempt to resolve them however I can. I've explained to a few people about how terrible this year has been for me, but personal drama is no excuse to treat friends like they’re at fault.

The people in this community truly wanted to nurture a hospitable environment where we can all mutually benefit from shared knowledge, and I've completely tarnished that level of trust with my terrible behavior. I know now that saying these things won't magically make things better, and that my absence won't exactly prove that I am capable of change and growing as a person, but just know that in the background, I'll be working through my own problems as best as I can.

I know there's nothing I can truly do to make things up to all the people I've hurt, and if you wish to go the rest of your life without ever forgiving me, I will be understanding. I love this community and I love you all.