(SWITZERLAND) Russia's Premier Minister, Vladimir Putin, has found the Higgs boson. The shirtless Putin, on a state visit, accelerated and collided two streams of protons using his bare hand, which caused the elusive Higgs boson to pop out. Unlike as scientists had expected, the particle did not disintegrate due to the weak interaction, but had a deep conversation with the PM on the topic of the raw beauty of the Russian steppe.

Simultaneously with his other hand Putin caught a large perch, and with his third hand shot a tranquilizing arrow into a Siberin Tiger / Polar Bear / Liberal hybrid that was attacking the group of scientists. Next, the PM will discuss with representatives of the media on the substance of propaganda and how it tastes with Borscht.