Hey Kal,

I'm sorry that I couldn't really put into words what I wanted to say last Thursday. And I'm sorry that I've been a little distant. It's not your fault or anything, and I'm sorry if it hurt you at all. My parents are being weird about snapchat again, and I'm trying to fix that. But I've done a lot of thinking and praying the past few days and I think I know how to put into words what I want to tell you. At the time, I was still shook over the fact that you weren't pissed at me so I really couldn't form words lol...but I can now. All I'm asking is for you to listen.

Firstly, anything that happens between us is not going to change how much I care about you. I mean that in all seriousness; you don't mean any less to me or anyone even if we aren't together. You're still one of the most special and amazing girls I've ever met, and I wouldn't take the past year back if I could. I need you to know that.

Secondly, I think we really have three options going forward. Firstly, we keep going into college. We do our best to stay together despite our schedules and Europe and college and sports and everything else. Secondly, we keep stay together but with plans to end our dating relationship before college. Third, we "end it" now and...I guess that's that.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying and I can't come up with a good solution, and that hurts. Not so much because I'm going to get hurt, but because I don't want to hurt you. I've promised that I'm going to take care of you, but with our cards right now, I don't know if I can. And that hurts me because that means I'm letting you down. The whole time you were talking about how it would be better for us if we were to stop dating and I was trying to fight it, there was a piece of me that said "if this happens, you're a failure; you couldn't make it work", and I think that's the part that hurt me the most, not anything you said, but the fact that I failed you.

This doesn't mean I'm breaking up with you. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. And I know that I was the one trying to deny it over those conversations we've had in the past couple weeks. But the more I think about it, the more I think that that is a viable option...and it sucks. It hurts because I don't want to lose what we've worked so hard for. But like you said, the situation we are in right now, well, it isn't good. Between both of our schedules to my parents to the fact that we are going to be three hours away in a couple months...I don't know. And something I wanted to say last time that I didn't is that I would rather us end on good terms then try to keep going and have it end poorly. I don't want to loose you completely. And I'm also not saying that this is officially what's going to happen. I need to hear what you think too, but I also need you to hear where I am coming from right now. And I'm not saying this is our only option;

Like I said, I'm not making any kind of decision or forcing anything on you; I'm just saying what I wanted to say at the mall. I guess these are my thoughts. And I'm sorry I can't give you a good option, it's all I've wanted for you and it's all I've been trying to fight for. But I don't know what I can do at this point...I'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart.

And like I said, nothing that happens changes how much I care about you. We just have to look at what is best for us in the long run.

I'm sorry...

-Zach