Taako Magic 6

Justin: I am going to cast one of my famous, as they say, spells, if you're ready. This spell is called Phantasmal Killer. It's the coolest spell I could find.

Griffin: You cast spells like Perd Hapley.

[crosstalk]

Griffin: [dramatic voice] "I'm now gonna cast a spell, and the name of the spell..."

Justin: Okay, so, I just want to educate real quick everybody about tardigrades, okay? They can survive a few minutes at 304 degrees Fahrenheit. They can survive 30 years at negative 20 degrees Celsius. They can survive a few minutes at negative one thousand degrees Kelvin. They can survive a few days at negative 328 degrees Fahrenheit. They can go without water for 10 years! These are savage beasts, and I'm going to haunt them with the only thing that can stop them: their own fears. What does a tardigrade fear? I can't fathom it. Because it's unkillable.

Clint: How about a dentist? All those teeth.

Justin: It is unfathomable what I'm about to conjure, but it is a Phantasmal Killer. I want to tap into its nightmares, and create- of the one that fuckin' attacked me, natch- and I will create an illusory manifestation of its deepest fears, visible only to that creature. It must make a Wisdom saving throw, which, if tardigrades are Wisdom-rich, you can go fuck yourself.

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: On a failed save, the target becomes frightened for the duration. At the start of each of the target's turns before the spell ends, the target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or take 4d10 Psychic Damage.

Griffin: Fuck me!

Justin: On a successful save, the spell ends.

Griffin: So the start of its next turn, it would take that damage.

Justin: Yes, correct.

Griffin: Okay. But I have to make a save right now to see if I can get away from it. Jesus. It's a critical failure.

Justin: Great.

Travis: He's super scared!

Griffin: This thing makes a noise, because like you said, they're unkillable, just like, emotionless monsters, this thing makes a noise that makes you think that the Satan that Satan's afraid of just appeared in front of it.

Justin: And who is it he's dreaming of?

[crosstalk]

Justin: It's none other than Johann August Ephraim Goeze, his discoverer.

Griffin: This thing is scream-gurgling, and it's a horrible horrible horrible sound. And it actually unlatches its tongue from you and kind of like pushes you away from it, trying to like, get away from this, this double Satan.

Taako: Enjoy your taste of Taako!


Ep. 34, The Crystal Kingdom, 10:14