iiiiiyy

women prefer men who are about four to
five years older than them and they
marry across and up dominance
hierarchies so what there's the evidence
for this with regards to IQ is quite
clear as a woman's IQ increases the
probability that she'll be married
decreases and the reason for that is
that she's looking imagine it's a very
accomplished woman I've known many many
extremely accomplished women okay so the
women I'm talking about and I've known I
would say several dozen of them because
of the work I do in consulting most of
the women I've known who are like this
or lawyers but many of them are
businessmen their partners and
consulting firms or professors for that
matter so these women are often say
they're about 29 to 30 something in that
range and they're very attractive
they're very well put together
they're very physically fit they're
extremely conscientious there are very
very career-focused in driven and there
they're extraordinarily intelligent well
they intimidate every man comes near
them and it isn't just it isn't because
they're they're acting in an
intimidating manner although they do
it's also because man Terry two men tend
to mate across and down dominance
hierarchies and there just aren't that
many men who are attractive thirty very
career-focused very conscientious very
well-put-together physically very
intelligent and and earning a very high
salary like the number of guys like that
who are also unattached like there
aren't any guys like that
yeah I mean you know and then you add
while you add one more dimension to that
which is that a 29 to 30 year old woman
say brings a problem to the table that a
23 to 25 year old woman does not bring
to the table which is that she wants to
have a child tomorrow where is a 25 year
old woman wants to have a child sometime
in the next five years and so unless the
guy that she's looking for this 29 year
old woman is like ready to go at the
drop of a hat then it's easier for him
to just pick a younger woman who is also
not as intimidating and so this happens
all the time and and it I mean there's
no place to lay blame
it's just how it is I mean I understand
why these women are doing what they're
doing they you know no woman no woman
wants to find a man she has to support
and the reason for that is because she's
actually looking for support because she
wants to have children and that's
perfectly reasonable but there are
circumstances under which that radically
reduces the domain of choice that's left
for certain women you know the thing is
women also underestimate the degree to
which men are terrified by women you
know and it's because men men's
experience generally speaking is
although it's changed to some degree in
recent years is that the most probable
answer to the question will you give me
your phone numbers are you kidding right
so the exactly so the probability
of rejection is very very high and so
and these women that that are that have
all these things going for them are also
terrifying targets for rejection and men
also assume that well they must be
flooded with requests and maybe they
don't even bother you know and then the
age thing also kicks in hard it's it's
it's a mate and and this is one of the
things that makes women's lives
particularly complicated in my
estimation is that they have to solve
all the complicated problems of life in
the time from the age of 20 to the to
the age of 35 and men just don't have to
do that so the pressure isn't there for
men and so as women move towards their
30s the power relationship between men
and women also starts to transform
because I mean there's almost nothing
less valued than a young man but that
starts to change as men move towards
their 30s if they're successful whereas
there's almost nothing more valued than
a young woman but that changes as women
move towards their 30s so and so these
are biological facts that that make that
that make the mating situation let's say
extraordinarily complicated and also
quite tragic and an even catastrophic
but there's no easy solution on the
horizon it's not like anybody knows what
to do about it
there was a
come on the name of the female actress
but she was under fifty something and
she was in the newspaper being
interviewed and she was complaining that
male actors tend to when they get older
they they cultivate gravitas people
respect them because they're old and
they're great
whereas with older older women people
aren't interested and it's one of those
things well if you look back at your
career you made a lot of a lot of your
success came from your looks you know
and you flaunted that you used makeup
you know well no cut tops and you did
photoshoots and you know you appeared in
a few racing movies to get yourself
noticed and things like this and it's
like well yeah I mean you were taking
advantage of a natural gift that you had
and that has gone because of the passage
of time a man never had that option so
he had to explore other ways to try and
make himself be noticed and so it's not
surprising that after cultivating his
personality because he couldn't
cultivate his physical looks in the same
way you end up with a different result
at the end of that
[Music]



ow do men and women differ in the way
they evaluate mates well here's a study
more than a thousand respondents
primarily female what they looked at was
how much each person how much prestige
each person had in their occupation so
kind of where they were situated in the
dominance hierarchy what their income
was in their education so they're all
markers they're all pretty decent
markers of socioeconomic status or
they're pretty decent markers of status
so and then they looked at how many
partners each person had number of
lifetime partners a number of preceding
years sexual partners lifetime
occurrence of simultaneous partners so
that was someone who was in a relation a
sexual relationship with more than one
person at the same time and lifetime
frequency of simultaneous partners from
one very seldom or never to five very
often here's their assumption the number
of partners a member of sex a acquires
is an index of how often this individual
is chosen by the other sex it's just a
definition it's an indication of
reproductive fitness as judged by
members of the opposite sex results male
criteria for women the correlation
between their fertility rates and the
number of partners in the previous year
was 0.94 so that's basically markers of
biological youth and also markers of
biological health like symmetry or
waist-to-hip ratio which actually tends
to be correlated with reproductive
fitness because women with lower waist
to hip ratio z' are generally healthier
because especially in youth the
acquisition of abdominal fat is often an
indicator of subpar physical health the
correlation between the fertility rate
and the number of partners in the
previous year is 0.94 that's all of it
right you never see a correlation 2.94
anywhere ever
males choose fertility indicators Beauty
waist-to-hip ratio youthful appearance
Nia
not in his facial features and Nia
naughtiness means like a infant so one
of the one of the markers of feminine
beauty is a face that has small
childlike features female criteria all
respondents the correlation between
socioeconomic status and frequency of
simultaneous partners for men it's 0.5
so the higher the status of the men man
the more likely he has simultaneous
sexual partners so that means he's going
out with someone sexually at the same
time for men is 0.49
for women it's zero age 30 and over
correlation between socioeconomic status
and frequency of simultaneous partners
for men it's 0.8 for women it's zero age
30 to 39 the correlation between
socioeconomic status for women and
frequency of simultaneous partners for
men it's point nine two that's a very
small end though for women it's point
one one female criteria for men it might
reflect the tendency on the part of
females to choose high status partners
during their own peak represented many
the age of 30 and 39 women who typically
prefer men 3 to 8 years older than they
are would then be in their mid to late
20s a time when second ability and thus
sensitivity to male resources is at its
peak supporting evidence I don't believe
that by the way I don't think that women
pick men for their socio-economic status
I think that women pick men for their
ability to climb the status hierarchy
because we forced women in an experiment
that we never published to choose
between those two things
wealth versus ability the women
overwhelmingly chose ability they just
used wealth as a marker of ability yep
it was an honors thesis and often honors
thesis even if they're publishable drift
into the thing I'll do next month and
then they stay there forever so because
it's a heart it's actually quite hard to
turn an honors thesis into a publishable
paper and if there isn't some single
person driving
that forward it's it's not going to
happen so that that was the only reason
okay so Trevor's parental investment
model contends that women are more
likely than men to seek a mate who
possesses non-physical characteristics
that maximize the survival or
reproductive prospects of their
offspring and we're examining a meta
analysis of mate selection research as
predicted women accorded more weight
than men to socioeconomic status
ambitiousness character and intelligence
and the larger differences largest
gender differences were observed for
cues to resource aquitian acquisition
status and ambitiousness now also as
predicted gender preferences were not
found in preferences for characteristics
unrelated to progeny survival like sense
of humor and general personality
we're valid comparisons could be made
the findings were generally invariant
across generations cultures and research
paradigms I'll go to this next one yeah
ok so here's some correlations one of
them is between how much money you make
and your personality so the correlation
between neuroticism and how much money
you get paid is negative 0.3 the higher
you are in neuroticism the less you make
less you get paid why why do you think
that is well because you're not
confident your own abilities you have
low self-esteem and if you're not
confident your own abilities and you're
anxious about your performance the
probability that you're going to feel
confident and calm about negotiating for
more money or even asking for a raise is
quite low extraversion and money made
virtually no correlation openness no
correlation agreeableness negative 0.2
for now you might not think that those
correlations are very large but if the
correlation between neuroticism and
money made this negative 0.3 if you
translate that into an effect size
because this is called a binomial effect
size distribution just the effect of
neuroticism will ensure that 65% of men
make more money than average and 35% of
women make more money
than average just the effective
neuroticism and if you add neuroticism
and agreeableness together I have to do
the mouth because I have to square I
have take the square root it's a point
five I can't do that in front of a class
unfortunately it's going to push it up
to about 70 30 or higher than that
there's a little bit of a negative
correlation between conscious
conscientiousness and money made
ascendency how well you progress up the
ranks
yes I don't know cuz I didn't look that
I didn't look in detail into the models
they used so I was just gonna stick to
the zero order correlations so
ascendancy negative 0.214 neuroticism
negative 0.14 for agreeableness the
effects are larger if you total them
let's see here's a good one this is
something to think about job
satisfaction the correlation with
neuroticism is negative 0.42 that's a
big one
one of the things that's very
interesting about neuroticism is it's
also a very good predictor of marital
satisfaction and it's interesting in
that light to note that 70% of divorces
are initiated by women
now one reason for that is that men are
impossible to get along with and the
other possibility is that women are too
sensitive to that and there's no way of
sorting that out but it's nonetheless
interesting to note that that's still
where the gender difference lives
neuroticism correlation with job
satisfaction negative 0.42 correlation
with life satisfaction negative 0.42
correlation with career satisfaction
negative 0.4 one so one of the things
you want to remember is that almost all
the measures that purport to measure
something like well-being or happiness
or satisfaction are so contaminated with
neuroticism that it's not even clear
that they're measuring something
different
you see agreeableness the correlation
with career satisfaction is negative 0.2
if you get men to rate their performance
and you get their bosses to rate their
performance men rate their performance
pretty much the same as the bosses rate
their performance or maybe they rate
them a little bit more but if women rate
their own performance they rate their
own performance as worse than their
bosses rating of their performance
consistently and the predictor of that
seems to be negative emotionality now
you might wonder if negative
emotionality is something that's
associated with lower levels of life
satisfaction across a broad variety of
measures what possible use could it be
but then you have to wonder well exactly
how is the physical environment
different for women and for men and one
clearer fact is that at an individual
level at least in relationship to
dominance battles with men women are at
a disadvantage not least because of
their size
you


so you know one way of conceptualizing
yourself is that you're one speck of
dust among seven billion and when you
conceptualize yourself that way you
might think well what difference does it
make what I say or do and that's
actually quite convenient for you
because if it doesn't matter what you
say her due then you don't have any
responsibility and you can do whatever
you want the price you pay for that is a
bit of nihilism but if you don't have to
shoulder any responsibility that's a
small price to pay another that's the
underground motivation for nihilism but
the other way of looking at it and this
is actually the accurate way of looking
at it is that you're in a network you're
a node in a network and so you can do a
little bit of arithmetic very rapidly
and just figure out how powerful you are
you know a thousand people you're gonna
know more than that over the course of
your life but let's say a thousand for
the sake of argument for now they know a
thousand people that means that you're
one person away from a million people
and two persons away from a billion
people and you're the center of that
network and now the way networks work is
that information propagates in a
networked manner
so don't underestimate the power of your
speech now you know Western culture is
FAL logo centric let's say it okay so
we'll say yeah that's just fine that's
exactly what it is it's predicated on
the idea of the logos that the logos is
the sacred element of Western culture
and what does that mean it means that
your capacity for speech is divine it's
the thing that generates order from
chaos and then sometimes turns
pathological order into chaos when it
has to don't underestimate the power of
truth there's nothing more powerful now
in order to speak what you might regard
as the truth you have to let go of the
outcome you have to think alright I'm
going to say what I think stupid as I am
biased as I am ignorant as I am I'm
going to state what I think as clearly
as I can and I'm going to live with the
consequences no matter what they are now
the reason you think that that's an
element of faith the idea is that
nothing brings a better world into being
than the stated truth now you might have
to pay a price for that but that's fine
you're gonna pay a price for every
bloody thing you do and everything you
don't do
you don't get to choose to not pay a
price you get to choose which poison
you're going to take that's it
so if you're going to stand up for
something stand up for your truth it'll
it'll shape you because people will
respond and object and tell you why
you're a fool and a biased moron and why
you're ignorant and then if you listen
to them you'll be just that let much
less like that the next time you say
something and if you do that for five
years you'll be so damn tough and
articulate and able to communicate and
withstand pressure that you won't even
recognize yourself and then you'll be a
force to contend with and you don't get
to wait until because I get letters like
GAD sod gets all the time to from
faculty members in particular and they
say well you know when I get tenure it's
like then they think well when I'm an
associate professor and then they think
well when I'm a full professor it's like
if you're a professor already you're
like the most protected person in the
history of the planet you know and you
you need well okay but what one of the
things that that indicates is that it's
almost impossible to provide people with
enough protection so that they feel safe
to speak okay so we'll address that
directly it is not safe to speak and it
never will be but the other thing you
got to keep in mind is that it's even
less safe not to speak right it's a
balance of risks it's like you want to
you want to pay the price for being who
you are and stating your mode of being
in the world or do you want to pay the
price for being a bloody serf a one
that's enslaved him or herself well
that's a major price man that thing
unfolds over decades and you'll just be
a miserable worm at the end of about 20
years of that right no self-respect no
power no ability to voice your opinions
nothing left but resentment because
everyone's against you because of course
you've never stood stood up for yourself
it's like say what you think carefully
pay attention to your words the prices
it's a price you want to pay if you are
willing to believe that truth is the
cornerstone of society and in the most
real sense if you're if you if you're
willing to take that leap then tell the
truth and see what happens and nothing
better could possibly happen to you
you'll be ups and downs and they'll be
pushed back and
there'll be controversy and all of that
but it doesn't matter the truth is what
makes the world the truth is what
redeems the world from hell and that's
the truth and we saw plenty of Hell over
the last hundred years you know and we
haven't learned a bloody thing from it
it's like wake up tell the truth tell
the truth or at least don't lie if
that's a start and and you got to
understand that's a risk but I will one
more brief thing to say about that um so
you know I said what I had to say back
in September and I sure that I could
have done it better and many people have
told me how I could have done it better
although it didn't mean they would
actually do it but but and you know my
job was at risk serious risk for about
two months and it destabilized my family
being very brave about this so like
thumbs up to that mandate
they've just stood by me but the Auk
here's the optimistic news is the
university has left me alone completely
I shook hands with the Dean two weeks
ago we're on friendly terms they don't
want this to go any farther than it has
already the students were tremendously
welcoming when I came back to teach in
January I haven't had a single negative
incident at the University and I've
received thousands of letters from
people all over the world all of which
have been in support I've received two
negative letters that's it - so the
people people have an inchoate longing
to have the sort of thing that we're
talking about articulated and so don't
be thinking you're alone it's just that
people can't talk they're afraid to talk
or they don't know what to say and and
those are real problems so if you're
reasonably articulate like start talking
and sharpen yourself up I mean the enemy
is is a cloud there are cloud of gnats
there only courageous in groups there
only courageous in mobs if you stand
your ground and don't apologize and
articulate things properly they'll
disperse around you like they're not
even there
so most of its illusion so don't be be
afraid but be afraid of the right thing
and the right thing you should be afraid
of is not saying what
say cuz that's the same as not being and
here you are suffering and away you
might as well be at the same time at
least then there's something to you so
[Applause]
you