log mates lapis draft 2

But he didn't have the full story. It was clear how they grew together, sure, but he felt like something was missing. The two gems were still heavily engaged in conversation, and Lapis' tape was right there. His hand was subconsciously moving closer and closer to the device, the urge to press play growing. The hunger in his mind was unbearable, and with a sigh, he decided to go in for round two and pressed play again.

“Log date... 1,” said the familiar voice of Lapis Lazuli. Steven already noticed something was off as her first recording with Peridot wasn't there. “I feel more comfortable to do this now that Peridot has left. I hope she knows I'm only doing this for Steven, because the last thing I want to do is be involved in her activities. She likes to think we're close friends when we're obviously not, and I don't know where she gets that idea from. She imprisoned me and hurt me, and nothing will ever change that. I just hope she can finally understand that soon.”

-

“Log date 2. I have been enjoying my time alone here a lot. It's just me, this barn, and the sounds of earth's wildlife around me. Then Peridot came back and started shouting at me in what I guess is excitement? She's been levitating things around the barn since she discovered her metal powers, and also insists on showing me this primitive human device for some reason. I have to admit, her antics lately have been amusing, if annoying.”

-

“Log date 3. Peridot found out about my logs. I wanted to keep this a secret, but I guess this was bound to happen sooner or later. Now all she wants to do is talk to me about it, and I am running out of patience. For once I want a day where she can leave me alone without me having to tell her. If it wasn't for Steven, she would be out of this barn before she could say 'clod'.”

-

“Log date 4. I have been 'asked' by Peridot to watch some human entertainment with her called 'Camp Pining Hearts'. Whatever it is she wants to show me, she should ask properly. She was actually dragging me over to this tiny box to absorb the light and sound emitting from it. This has to be the biggest waste of time she's involved me in yet.

“This has to be one of the most interesting things I have ever witnessed. Humans have such amazing ways of wasting time before they die. I wanted to watch the rest of it, but Peridot insists that we do it together. Right now, I don't feel comfortable doing anything with anyone other than Steven. He's the only person so far who's given me any freedom with my life. I just can't believe I sat next to her for so long... I know she doesn't mean to be like this, but I don't know how much more I can take. Maybe I should just tell her how she's upsetting me.”

-

“Log date 5. Peridot has gone too far. It's enough that she only seems to care about herself and trying to make me be like her, but then she decided to start joking around about working with Jasper, and completely disregarded my feelings. I have told her to not go near me and never talk to me again, and she's thankfully doing exactly that. I don't want to even think about Jasper. After everything we've been through, I have to keep her out of my mind. I can't...”

-

“Log date 6. I still have a lot on my mind, but at least Peridot hasn't been getting in my way. She's actually stayed in the same position for a while now. I'm kind of... worried about her. I'm sure she'll be back to her usual self soon, but it kinda makes me feel bad to see her like this. I wanted to talk things over with her and even sat down next to her, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. If she's out of my way and not saying anything, why does she still bother me? Why do I feel bad?”

-

“Log date 7. I sat next to Peridot again and she apologised to me for everything. I didn't know how to react so I just left again. I didn't expect her to be this considerate all by herself after all the selfishness she showed me earlier. Maybe she really has grown and I just haven't noticed it. I want to give her another chance now. I want to make things work between us. Plus, Camp Pining Hearts hasn't felt the same without her I guess...”

-

“Log date 8. I invited Peridot to watch Camp Pining Hearts with me again. She's been good company, but I'm still trying to handle all these thoughts I'm holding in. There's so much I'm not saying, even though everything inside me is telling me to say it. Sitting next to her is more tolerable now though, and almost makes me feel calm. She seems to really care about how I feel now, and always wants to make sure I'm happy. It's kind of annoying, but I can't complain. I think she means well.”

-

“Log date 7 26 2. Lapis Lazuli and I have decided to join-”

“Already heard it,” Steven said, fast forwarding the tape ahead to something less heard.

-

“Log date 9. I'm currently visiting Steven for some time away from Peridot. I told her about it and she seemed completely fine with the idea. This is new for her. I feel like I finally have some freedom around her, and I couldn't be happier. Anyway Steven says he has a surprise for me, and I'm excited to find out what it is. I'll report back afterwards.”

-

“Log date 10. I feel stronger, yet more hurt than ever. Jasper returned and tried to get me to fuse with her again. If it wasn't for what Steven told me earlier, I wouldn't have had the courage to say no and force her out of my life. He told me that what Jasper and I had was horrible, and I'm much better than her. I wish I could believe him, but I'm really not a good person. There are all these feelings and emotions that I'm keeping to myself, and it's only feeling worse the longer I continue to do this. I should be talking to Steven and Peridot about it, not this device.”

-

“Log date 11. I'm back at the barn with Peridot, and she gave me a nice welcome I wasn't expecting. She even made the barn look nicer, just like I wanted. She's actually a good listener if she puts her mind to it. She's also been creating these things out of junk called 'visual music', but I'm calling it Meep Morp. After all this, I couldn't bother her with my emotions. I hid how I was truly feeling and pretended to be happy instead, because at this point I don't know what else to do. Peridot is surprisingly making my life easier at the moment, and I feel happy to be back with her again.”

-

“Log date 12. I can't stop thinking about fusion. I know she didn't mean to hurt me at all, but Peridot brought up wanting to fuse earlier, and after meeting Jasper again, it's made me obsess over it. All I can think about is the crushing weight of water all over me as I struggled to keep Jasper under control. How I took out all my anger on her like some kind of monster. I never want to fuse again. I don't think I could ever trust anyone enough to get that close to them. Not even Steven.”

-

“Log date 13. Peridot and I have been spending time together redecorating the barn. We mostly do our own things, but sometimes we come together to create something, like this Meep Morp involving human toilets. Something about that one amuses me. She seems so proud of it too. I'm beginning to really like what we have with each other now. This barn finally feels like a place where I can be free and express myself, without anyone holding me back or forcing me to do something against my will.”

-

“Log Date 14. I'm currently having to deal with a difficult situation all by myself. Peridot just went with Steven and Amethyst to the beta kindergarten... for some reason. That would have been fine, but then all these rubies turned up demanding to see Jasper. I told them I wasn't involved but they kept talking about her and I couldn't take it. So, I have them trapped in water right now, and I've called the 'crystal gems' to assist me, since this is their problem more than mine. I hope they come soon, because these rubies keep evaporating my water.”

-

“Log date 15. Jasper is gone. That's what Peridot told me, and I have no reason not to believe her. Unfortunately, this was after Amethyst decided to shape-shift to resemble her. It's like no matter where I go, she's following me, somehow becoming involved in my life. Spending time with Peridot and Steven is great and all, but every day this is on my mind. I want to stop worrying about her, I want to stop worrying about all of this dumb nonsense, but everything is like a reminder at this point. I need to tell someone right now about everything. It's getting to the point where I can't even admit to myself what's wrong. I see a dark path, and I am putting an end to it, like Peridot put an end to Jasper. I just hope I don't bother them too much...”

-

“Log date 16. I told Peridot about how I'm feeling. I couldn't keep it in any longer, and now that I have mentioned everything on my mind, I feel so much better. She was listening the whole time and offered advice and really tried to help me. I know her well now, and although I can't agree on everything she says, she's clearly trying, and that's... that's beautiful. I had to say it, I'm sorry. This is the time for honesty now, and that includes honesty with myself. Heh, I also know that she has trouble keeping track of everything at once. I think that's a typical trait of peridots, though this may be unique to her.”

-

“Log date 17. We almost lost Steven. He managed to get himself stuck in space and barely survived. When I saw him again I held so tight I didn't want to let go, but then Peridot took him from me. She likes to act like she's not emotional, but she was crying just as much as I was when we heard the news. I don't want anything to happen to Steven. He has to stay safe, and I'll do anything it takes to make sure that happens. He insists he's fine, and I trust what he says, but I still invited him to visit in the near future if he needs to. Even if he isn't hurt physically, I can't imagine his mental state right now. He needs time to rest, and I think I do too.”

-

“Log date 18. Peridot looks troubled, but she won't admit anything is wrong, let alone tell me what's making her feel this way. I thought this would be about Steven, but she's saying it's something else. I really don't know what to do in these situations, so I just told her that I'm here if she needs me. She looked happier when I said that, which is a start. It's clear at this point that we both have issues, but we seem to be healing just by spending time with each other. I suppose I'm thankful to have her here. She's proven to be great company. She's always so funny and genuine and constantly trying to improve herself. Maybe I should have told her that to cheer her up, in fact I'll say that to her right now.”

-

“Log date 19. I removed my first recording from this log. It's apparent now that what I said was wrong. These logs have been anything but a waste of time. I have a way to express myself that I never knew about before. I should have given it a chance in the first place, but I was still so mad at Peridot back then. She's changed now, as have I. We've both changed each other. Just last night we were stargazing together. I never thought this would happen, and I never thought I would enjoy it so much. She seems to really, really like spending time with me. I feel like we've become so much closer in the last couple of months...”

-

“Log date 20. Steven is going to be here in a few minutes, and Peridot still looks worried. All she has to do is tell me what's wrong, just like I did with her. I'm not going to let this visit be ruined. Steven and Peridot need my help, and I am going to give everything I have for them. I'm less worried about Steven, because he has plenty of people to support him. Most of the time though, Peridot only has me. She's my top priority, and I have an idea for what will get her to open up. It'll be my surprise during the visit. I feel like I finally trust her enough to do this. She's not like all those other gems. This is hard to go through with, but it's for her, and everything will be fine, I'm sure of it. I have a feeling Steven will enjoy this surprise too. Okay, I have to go now. I'll report back later.”

And with those words, the final log ended, leaving Steven sitting in awe in the barn. It took a couple of minutes to process everything, but when he did, he felt like he got the answers he was looking for, and a small smile of joy came over his face. He put the tape recorders back where they were,  hoping he wouldn't be found out by either of them. There was still a twinge of guilt that he could feel within him for invading their privacy, especially Peridot's again, but he would have to deal with it later. Right now, all he needed to worry about was enjoying his visit and having his mind taken away from recent events.

The wind blew calmly, barely creaking the door of the barn. He could now easily overhear what Lapis and Peridot were saying, though he felt like he had listened in on them enough already. His mind couldn't help but grasp one detail Lapis had just mentioned though. It was something about preparing something for Peridot, but that's all he got. Then it all dawned on him.

“The surprise is about to happen!” He said, running out of the barn as fast as he could, leaving the tape recorders behind to be alone together.