Its About Cats (2019)

Harpy: okay so cats

Harpy: first number is jellicle songs for jellicle cats

Harpy: the fact that i'm watching humans with cgi fur and no paws really takes me out of it

Harpy: the dancing isn't impressive and they didn't have a damn trapeze :I

Harpy: also misty was fucking confident during that number but i guess he gets less confident when he's the star?

Harpy: also i love you dude playing macavity (?) but that didn't even sound like singing

Harpy: at all

Harpy: i see musical note indicator, you better fucking sound like you're saying things in a sing-songy way

Harpy: SIR I CAN SEE YOUR NON FUZZED HAND DURING THE NAMING OF CATS

Harpy: AND I FEEL ATTACKED

Harpy: oh my fucking god you're really turning the ensemble part into a solo

Harpy: its supposed to sound eerie as all the cats talk at the same time!

Harpy: spooky!

Harpy: this hurts me

Harpy: i mean i guess it isn't bad, but i can see a newcomer being like "da faq?"

Harpy: its going to suck trying to separate my biases and not compare the movie to the musical :(

Harpy: i will say jellicle songs for jellicle cats, the music itself is pretty good, while the singing is kinda eh, made worse because people are doing stunts while trying to sing so it sounds off

Harpy: oh there's the eerie chorus

Harpy: eeeeh

Harpy: i kinda forgive it

Harpy: victoria: okay but what the fuck

Harpy: that breathing is kinda distracting

Harpy: like she's afraid of what she got roped into

Harpy: ...okay, what they did with mistoffolees at first is actually kinda cute and honestly, the way they changed him kinda makes sense to fit some plot things and put in some tension

Harpy: i dread the ED bits.

Harpy: NO DRAMATIC ARM SWEEP, 0/10

Harpy: UH OH FIRST REAL NUMBER AND I'M GONNA HATE IT

Harpy: grooming nutshot joke

Harpy: i'm not gonna make it.

Harpy: I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THESE CHILD MICE

Harpy: UM.

Harpy: MEOW.

Harpy: yes save me rum tum tugger

Harpy: god that was

Harpy: onec you notice the roaches on the cake aren't synced anymore

Harpy: you wish for deth

Harpy: also while i like the music, it took out the real important tap dancing, and made jennyanydots some weird roach eating tabby instead of the lazy at day, but stern at night cat who will make the roaches and mice useful members of society, not scatting and cake ruining monsters

Harpy: also that key change during the "deeply concerned for the mice" segment is just

Harpy: i'd accept it if she was singing the whole way through to keep a beat

Harpy: i'm not even that much of a music nerd- actually i'm a music nerd who doesn't comprehend enough of this shit to be mad

Harpy: THANKS RUM TUM

Harpy: EEHeheeeeh no, rebel wilson, that just sounds off

Harpy: please

Harpy: i don't need improv

Harpy: you're right but this jam is actually good

Harpy: stop

Harpy: i don't need this.

Harpy: this

Harpy: what i'm looking at

Harpy: MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILK

Harpy: dude do the HIP THRUST

Harpy: get dunked on victoria

Harpy: grizabella killin it btu we need gestures!

Harpy: that was a good number, kinda

Harpy: that macavity shit ain't canon, she wanted to see new things and then the outside world sucked!

Harpy: then the inside world sucked too

Harpy: >:I

Harpy: besides we never see how she was involved

Harpy: "HE'S HOPING TO BE REBORN AS A THIN CAT SO HE CAN GET FAT ALL OVERAGAIN"

Harpy: *opens mouth*

Harpy: i have things to say that are not appropriate for this pastebin.

Harpy: are you really about to interrupt this number by being like

Harpy: macavity

Harpy: no

Harpy: you stop that

Harpy: demeter: MACAVITY- *magic*

Harpy: okay this improv is

Harpy: uh

Harpy: i laughed

Harpy: YOU EMBARASS ME, YOU BRING SHAME

Harpy: not the nutshot though.

Harpy: ow.

Harpy: please don't deep throat the wine.

Harpy: https://gyazo.com/39d69e1a28beee66215116d14363d274

Harpy: "hello here have some"

Harpy: "yay-" *split second later* "wait this shit's too big for my god dank mouth"

Harpy: MACAVITY!!!!!

Harpy: okay that number was good in spots to me, but the speaking lines during what's normally a song just

Harpy: eeeEEEH

Harpy: fuck it, i'll say it, i liked it :I

Harpy: I CAN'T BELIEVE BUSTIFER WENT TO FUCKING HELL FOR HIS GLUTTONOUS WAYS

Harpy: i like the jazz

Harpy: but oh my god the lack of gesturing, of any sign of additional personality, no posing during the quick change comedians

Harpy: come on guys you can give me that right?!?

Harpy: bruh don't do weird jogs while fucking your vocals

Harpy: you know what bugs me?

Harpy: the lack of accent for rumpleteazer

Harpy: in the musical its "Rum-ple-teasa!" and here they say it like its written and its

Harpy: throwing me off

Harpy: think its a personal thing

Harpy: NO FUCKG ACROBATICS but seriously though it was a nice set, the table thing was weird, I liked the jazz and it was actually very close to the source material, both the full poem and the earlier musicals making it a jazzy thing

Harpy: i still prefer the musical version

Harpy: but this is good!

Harpy: GUYS YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER A BREAKAWAY COLLAR

Harpy: oh god did they keep the dog part

Harpy: I"M COMING VICTORIA- *oof!*

Harpy: where the fuck did you come from macavity

Harpy: is that growltiger?

Harpy: i don't fucking know who you are

Harpy: please someone give me context

Harpy: okay new number for me but as i understand it this is truer to the poems and earlier musicals

Harpy: but was removed because... racism?

Harpy: hi there griddlebone no idea who you are either

Harpy: also honestly, this improv is kinda like what i'd say...

Harpy: old dude song, eh, can't complain, was good

Harpy: making this jellicle ball thing an ensemble isn't a good idea because it was supposed to be more of an individual thing

Harpy: :I

Harpy: MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOOOOOW

Harpy: okay looking at the moon

Harpy: and looking at hte light outside

Harpy: kinda throws me off

Harpy: its prolly the lampposts making that light

Harpy: this part feels eerie

Harpy: *rum tug tugger slides in there*

Harpy: "ITS PARTY TIME*

Harpy: honestly like the groovy interuption.

Harpy: everyone sounds like they just did some hardcore fucking-

Harpy: *cursed words*

Harpy: they're all enjoying the jellicle afterglow.

Harpy: i'm going to get banned off blogger with these words.

Harpy: ya'll just gonna skip all the cats skittering off and old dude reaching out to our queen while she's trying to dance and she's too fuckin old??!?!?

Harpy: you motherfuckers

Harpy: honestly this rendition of moonlight is REALLY good

Harpy: so i was thinking on why grizabella didn't want to be touched by victoria when that would bring her back into the fold

Harpy: maybe i'm bullshitting

Harpy: but maybe its because victoria's too new? maybe she knew that even if victoria accepted her, it didn't mean much if nobody else did and everyone would just still hate her?

Harpy: it doesn't mean much if the whole clan isn't there to witness it and doesn't stop her

Harpy: okay

Harpy: i like the song

Harpy: and it would be fitting

Harpy: but it just feels like guilt tripping or one upping

Harpy: "YEAH YOU HAVE MEMORIES I GOT THROWN ON THE STREET YOU HAVE A THING AND I DON'T YOU JERK >:I"

Harpy: dude

Harpy: you were

Harpy: INSTANTLY brought into the club, explained everything

Harpy: you immediately got friends, you have someone who shared a fucking steak with you and tried to save you

Harpy: baby, your old life's dead, but your new life had hardly begun!

Harpy: you have something now! she doesn't! she was cast away by doing something the clan didn't approve of! nobody wants her there but you! and old dudette BUT

Harpy: its a good song, but it ultimately sounds selfish and vain

Harpy: bithc even in the second phrase you were like "i never thought i'd love the world i came into!"

Harpy: YOU WERE LET INTO THE CLUB

Harpy: YOU TOOK HER FUCKING GHOSTS YOU JERK

Harpy: "i'm not a jellicle"

Harpy: okay that explains it

Harpy: grizabella knows she's not a jellicple

Harpy: and even if victoria accepts her, it doesn't matter if victoria isn't actually a jellicple

Harpy: *jellicle

Harpy: you don't

Harpy: you don't have to make everything literally catlike

Harpy: BALLS UP FOR GUS I GUESS.

Harpy: hm, i'm conflicted

Harpy: it was definitely... off beat, and that would drive sideways up a wall

Harpy: but

Harpy: for an old cat past his prime

Harpy: it fits? its been a long while since his old theatre days

Harpy: those poor clarinets though.

Harpy: he yeeted the old man :I

Harpy: bruh.

Harpy: OH SHIT HERE COMES THE BEST FUCKIGN NUMBER

Harpy: HOLD ONTO YOUR ASSES

Harpy: THEY TOOK SKIMBLE

Harpy: he'll die later.

Harpy: anyway

Harpy: GOOD NUMBER

Harpy: they cut out some of the good parts, like the aC and windo checking bits and the police report thingy

Harpy: it could have only enhanced the narrative

Harpy: and i mean, if you wanna die the good death, might as well give their all?

Harpy: anyway

Harpy: regardless, i enjoyed it

Harpy: except the mouse shouting "AA CATS!"

Harpy: yeah no shit

Harpy: HE IS NOT GINGER

Harpy: HE IS... shit what's a two syllable word for black cat

Harpy: god man how'd you fuck that up

Harpy: anyway you gotta fucking project your voice, swift!

Harpy: you have to give more OOMPH!

Harpy: okay yeah you got the WIDE AWAKE thing down good job

Harpy: turning this from a duet to a solo sucks tho

Harpy: PUT YOUR COAT ON

Harpy: DEAR GOD PUT YOUR COAT ON

Harpy: i just

Harpy: i just love how old dudette's

Harpy: "there's no one else eligible, there's only me left, so if you would"

Harpy: that smile

Harpy: "never."

Harpy: actually hillarious

Harpy: goodbye old dudette, it was good while it lasted

Harpy: you do realize that

Harpy: if she drowns

Harpy: you disrupt the clan

Harpy: nobody goes to the heaviside layer

Harpy: and you will never have a chance to be reborn

Harpy: the life that you have

Harpy: will be the one life that you get

Harpy: and thats it.

Harpy: "we have a MAGIC CAT" "...you wot"

Harpy: oh no here comes the worst part

Harpy: my body is tensing up in an uncomfortable way

Harpy: i really

Harpy: really do not like this

Harpy: i can feel my throat clench ugh

Harpy: its anxiety inducing especially since the spotlights on him and every time i hear the drumroll i expect a cool trick and get nothing

Harpy: noooooooooooooooooooo

Harpy: don't fucking keep cutting the music offf aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Harpy: I DONT LIKE THIS VERSION BUT PLEASE

Harpy: he looks like he's about to cry

Harpy: i lvoe you BUT PLEASE

Harpy: CAN YOU NOT SEE

Harpy: WITH YOUR OWN VERY EYES

Harpy: THAT THIS FUCKING SCENE

Harpy: i can't rhyme sorry but i'm pretty sure this belongs in a viagra commercial :I

Harpy: AUGH

Harpy: when

Harpy: when did you get here dudette

Harpy: i'm pretty sure misty didn't do it

Harpy: WHICH PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF HONESTLY

Harpy: i want MACAVITY to be fucking BAFFLED

Harpy: absolutely LIVID

Harpy: that there was a cat more clever as magical mr. macavity?!?

Harpy: you absolute bastards

Harpy: i hate this

Harpy: I WANT MAGIC CAT BATTLES EVEN IF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

Harpy: OR AT LEAST AN ANGRY MACAVITY

Harpy: *more clever than

Harpy: god i botch it

Harpy: sheep would disappoved

Harpy: words are hard

Harpy: OH SHIT MISTOFFOLEES UNLEASHING HIS NEW SPELLCARD: PERFECT BLACKJACK

Harpy: we're touhou guys

Harpy: not force lightning tho

Harpy: THATS MEEE

Harpy: why didn't that happen earlier jenny

Harpy: shove some roaches up growltiger's bum

Harpy: GIVE ME A BATTLE WORTHY OF A DUMBASS MUSICAL

Harpy: i guess people got tired though, kinda wished there was a good "battle" scene like there aws in the musical

Harpy: I CANT BELIVE THAT CATS DEAD

Harpy: OKAY

Harpy: BEFOER WE GET HERE

Harpy: can we just say

Harpy: where the fuck's "open up, enter in?"

Harpy: i forget the offical name of that

Harpy: i think its moonlight?

Harpy: its the motif that comes after moments of happiness

Harpy: and you exclude it here?!?!

Harpy: guys

Harpy: you coulda had something a lil more cohesive for grizabella

Harpy: but then again it would have to be a non-outsider that would be singing it :S

Harpy: okay thats a touch

Harpy: but not in front of everyone

Harpy: so i guess that doesn't count but dude you should jsut hold off until everyone sees?!?

Harpy: like

Harpy: dude how can you botch this thing that was shown in every musical version!?!?!

Harpy: she doesn't go because of victoria, she goes because its her last fucking chance and if she doesn't do anything she will always be alone!!!

Harpy joined the chat 40 minutes ago

Harpy: you brought her into a dangerous situation and she doesn't feel safe and aaagh i feel like it woulda been better if she did it of her own volition, her safety be damned!

Harpy: NO DIRECTION, NO GESTURES, NO SLOW MOVEMENTS EVEN?

Harpy: come onnn aaaaugh this is a movie about a musical where shit is expressed in motion

Harpy: my fucking god

Harpy: ...it still fucking sounds good though

Harpy: OH GOD YESSSS

Harpy: she touch

Harpy: again

Harpy: YOU WERE TOUCHED THO

Harpy: KILL IT HUDSON

Harpy: oh no the snot

Harpy: uh oh

Harpy: ICAN"T BELIEVE HE'S NOT DEAD

Harpy: i honestly won't watch the final thing because i just

Harpy: i dunno if i can handle it

Harpy: addressing the audience when you haven't done so... ever... in the movie...

Harpy: no direction here, no booming voice

Harpy: OKAY SO

Harpy: i can no longer speak as a person who knows nothing of CATS

Harpy: i cannot even say i could even come close to what a person with no context would think of this

Harpy: i have biases entrenched into me, both from my research material, my personal tastes, and from watching the 1998 musical

Harpy: i am only disappointed because I cannot in good faith give any sort of review without admitting that I will see it from the lense of someone with context

Harpy: I'm sure most people would be confused and focused too much on the lack of plot and horrible CGI and rebel wilson eating roaches on screen

Harpy: i share their disgust with the CGI and roach eating.

Harpy: as someone with context, though, the movie isn't... great, not the oscar bait Tommithy Hooper was praying for. Its got good bits, it gots bad bits, and they're all sandwiched inbetween each other that I can't really say the whole thing's a shitshow the whole way through

Harpy: i did not like how he was trying to make it more realistic because it made it absurd, to the point where most peoples' suspension of disbelief would shatter because these are not people in costume as a cat and as catlike as could be while being practical... it was people in CGI, catlike only in the fur they brought in and the tails they used, with human features elsewhere. Those who would be creeped out or weirded out by the musical would be terrified of the halfassed job they did here.

Harpy: I guess Victoria works as a protagonist who is our eyes and ears into the Jellicle world, but it kinda feels like it could have been done better, and honestly I'd rather not have Beautiful Ghosts

Harpy: They tried to make a plot but it lacked any teeth, no real tension, and the cats just kinda saved themselves so... I wished there was just a scene that Macavity thought he was getting the last laugh as Dudette is at the end of the plank. "Its now or never! Send me to the Heaviside Layer, or drown in the deepest parts of the river!"

Harpy: and then, as she's pushed off

Harpy: she poofs

Harpy: he scratches his head

Harpy: and watches the smoke converge in The Egyptian

Harpy: and underneath the curtains, when Misty thinks he's fucked up and turns away, the curtain takes the shape and she sings part of Mr. Mistoffolees

Harpy: and as their voices echo into the air, Macavity's paws tremble and shudder with anger.

Harpy: "Never, did I ever think there was a cat more clever than I, Mr. Macavity!!!"

Harpy: cue epic dumb battle

Harpy: its a mixed bag of numbers: you got Skimbleshanks and Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer (jazz arrangement) and Memory on one end, then there's Jennyanydots and bits of Bustifer Jones and the real live footage of erectile dysfunction in musical form that is Mr. Mistoffolees (even though it turned out kinda good... I hate those cockteases) on the other.

Harpy: there is minimal interesting dancing which made the musical so great

Harpy: also they missed the point with grizabella and i fucking hate it.

Harpy: so like... to me, the movie's just... okay-ish, leaning towards bad. Its not something I'd watch over and over again

Harpy: and one thing I've noticed is that the background cats have less cohesion than they do in the musical

Harpy: by that i mean... they're not helping each other out during numbers, they're not doing background things showing their personalities, they're not really as present as they are in the Musical. The musical, you can watch the background cats all day long and still not catch some of the subtleties going on. And by making most of the songs solos, it kinda loses that whole togetherness aspect they have

Harpy: and it was all about other cats singing about other cats to basically help each other go to the heaviside layer, maybe!

Harpy: but i guess i can sorta forgive that.

Harpy: all in all, i'd watch the musical more times than the movie.

Harpy: [okay image from game hoard goes here]