Heartless Intermission: The Beetle Battle Bottle Debacle

*Day Fox in Socks in Equestria*

>A day like all days, but unlike any others
>Rub your eyes, stretch your back, get out under the covers
>Make your way to the bathroom, but pause on the way
>Something already feels a bit off 'bout today
>Shave your face, take a shower, on the toilet you sit
>As you empty your bowels, realization doth hit
What the fuck!
>You exclaim, with a metronome timing
This whole fucking day has been nothing but rhyming!
>You finish your shit and you're gone in a flash
>To the window, you sprang, ran, you practically dashed
>As you stared out the window, your eyes, they went wide
>At the wonderous visage that the glass let inside

>You witness a landscape oft seen in your dreams
>And are sure this is one of that Fluttershy's schemes
>The landscape is vibrant; the trees every hue
>of purple through red; Yes, you chuckle, you do
It's impressive
>You say, although no one is there
The lengths Fluttershy goes through to be my mare
>On the doorstep you wait; of the landscape, you proctor
>For a p0ne, in the land of the Seuss, comma Doctor
>At her usual time, you hear hoofbeats commence
>And she sees you, just waiting, and seems to get tense
>As she shuffles to you, a hot look in her eye
>You so slowly, so gently, you ask
Fluttershy

Any reason, I ask, why my brain's writing verse?
Couldn't possibly know what's behind this strange curse?
>You're thinking she does, otherwise, why'd she come?
>To her fetish attempts you shall never succumb
>She collects herself up, determined, and she smiles
>'It's today, my darling, that you fall for my wiles!'
>'There's only one reason so early I'd knock;
>'It's for getting a feel of that hot monkey cock!'
>'I am not mistaken! I've got it this time!'
>Your fetish just has to be, surely is rhyme!'
>You put a palm to your face and you heavily sigh.
>You lower your hand and you say:
Fluttershy

Rhyming isn't my fetish, I assure you it's not
Whatever in Horse-Land would give you that thought?
>She sadly looks down, her eyes turn to the floor
>You continue your speech, however
Furthermore:
My having a fetish has nothing to do
With all of the reasons I don't want to fuck you
You're clingy, obsessive, and so goddamn weird
You make look attractive the title 'neckbeard'
I'm sorry, my dear, but you'll have to accept
That it's not in my pants where my feelings are kept
But if you insist, I suppose I could start
With giving you chances to win over my HEART.....
>She adorns a new look; utter shock you would guess
>As she nods and she stutters an emphatical 'Yes!'

Very well!
>You exclaim
But I'll show you no quarter!
>Her eyes hyperfocus, her breaths, they get shorter
The terms of this battle are thusly:
>You say
If I take this vict'ry, if I have my way,
No more lustful attempts come from you, on this day
My dick won't get touched, Fluttervirgin I'll stay
>She freezes in place, finally understands
>That if SHE were to win, you'd comply her demands
>Her mouth starts to drool, and her wingboners pop
>And she says 'If I win, then I DON'T have to stop'
>'But YOU do, my love, with your running away'
>'I'd like to be cuddled, I'd like you to stay'
>'At my house, just tonight, and I'd like you to dote'
>'on my needs, on my love, running hands through my coat....'
>She blushes and says 'Uhm, uh, if it's okay....'
>'Fucking me 'till I squeal's how you'll finish this day!'

>You smile inside, on the outside you ponder
>She fell for your game, got her right where you want her
If I choose the challenge, your request I will deign
For I have more to lose than I have much to gain
>She agrees, and you raise your hand high in the air
>You exclaim
It begins, you impetuous mare!

I challenge you to battle!
But not just any battle!
A tweedle beetle paddle puddle muddled bottle battle!

>'What?', she then *eep*s, her face showing confusion
>As two paddles appear;  YOU control this delusion
>As a child you read all of these books, it is true
>You're thinking that Fluttershy won't have a clue
>What she's capable of, if she puts her mind to it
>You must best her quickly
>You will
>Yeah, you'll do it
>She still looks confused as she holds up the paddle
>You smile and you say
Now, the RULES of this battle
Are easy to follow, I bet you can cope
With the circumstances, if you are not a dope
No flinging, no flanging, no hobgoblineering
Please flizzle, don't flazzle, and no interfering
With floozleflies flitting from here or to there
If you break any rule, the tum-tumpet will blare
And please don't touch the bottle, it's kind of kerjigger
And whatever you do, make the hoopaloo bigger!
And don't possibly think you can hope to bamboozle
the robot rules lawyer; I set it to 'confoozle'

>The look on her face is too obvious: puzzled
>But the point of all that was to make her confuzzled
>You shout GO! and she jumps, for you gave her a scare
>Robot hands point at her, and the tum-tumpets blare
>'What is this?' she exclaims, fearing what's going on
You're okay, but you lost to the master, Anon
We barely just started and rules you did break
You flanged, flinged, and flizzled, for whatever's sake
>She's so shocked her flank falls to the ground, in the clovers
I'm so sorry, it's Calvinball rules, no do-overs

>So, sad and defeated, she begins to walk
>Away from your house, when you begin to talk
Hold on a sec, Flutters, the day's just begun!
Do you want to go out with me and have some fun?
You said you won't rape me, I'll hold you to this
>(The fact that you beat her, it fills you with bliss
>And besides, she's your friend, albiet a molester
>You hope that, through this day, you'll be able to test her
>To see if she really still wants to be bros
>Or if she's given up, only after your hose)
>'Y-you want to hang out?' her face registers shock
But of course!  You said you'd back off grabbing my cock
for today, and why not?  I mean, hey, we're still friends
>You shrug, and you smile, and your hand, it extends

>She's happy to bursting, so thus she takes flight
>You grab hold of her hoof
Let's go visit Twilight
>You arrive at the library, Twilight is crazed
>Scribing down definitions to every new phrase
>'What the Hay's a kerfuffle?  What about a Boffile?'
>'Spike, please take a letter, we'll be here for a while'
>You explain that it's futile; she protests with a yelp
>'You know what, you can leave if you don't want to help'
>You're pushed out the door, and it's slammed in your face
>And you say:
Want to go check out Rarity's place?

>She agrees, and you go, you arrive, and you're stunned
>and in awe of the work that poor Rarity's done
>She's franticly sewing, her hair is a mess
>putting finishing touches on a sequined dress
>She orders you leave, she'll play some other time
>That there's inspiration in this land full of rhyme
>And so then you depart, seeking out things to do
>Finding Pinkie, and AJ, and Rainbow Dash too
>AJ is quite confused, Rainbow's up in the breeze
>Both thinking that there's food in the Truffula trees
>Pinkie's not so concerned, you see that she is chewing
>A big blob of blue goo, like the Goo-Goose is doing
>She remarks that it's chewy, and it tastes really good
>Like old peanuts, shoe polish, and cinnamon wood
>Everyp0ny starts laughing, Pinkie Pie just stares
>You continue your day hanging out with your mares

>As the day closes down, you walk Fluttershy home
>You reach the front step, she starts poking the loam
>With her hoof and she says 'Thanks Anon, I had fun'
The feeling is mutual, Butterfly Buns
>She kept her promise, she did not try to drug,
>Rape, Molest or to grab you, so you give her a hug
>And your thoughts would admit, although far from erotic
>She could be pretty cute (When she wasn't psychotic)
>And she did really well, until she grabbed your buns
>And you jumped back from her and you said
Yeah, we're done
>And you start to walk off, smiling wide as you say
>Softly, under your breath:
Today was a good day


And from the Everfree Forest you hear Zecora shout 'OH GOD!  I'M FREE!'