i miss talking to you. i miss staying up until 4 in bed talking to you. i want to whisper to you that i love you, but i know it wont happen now. i know you like this other guy. and i hold nothing against you. i just hope youre happy, and as long as you are, im happy. i dont hate him. of course im jealous though. i wish i was him. but there are other people out there.  none like you, though, but none like them, either. yes, you are unique. i will never meet someone like you again. i love the way you are so passionate about what you love. and right now, you dont love me. you love this other guy. you talk to him, instead of me, during the early hours of the morning. you sometimes dont respond to my messages because you are "busy," which basically means youre talking to him. you only talk to me sometimes when hes not online. but those moments are my favorite. i feel like, for just a moment of your day, you put that all behind you and come with me to somewhere secret. he will never know about that, and i feel like that connection will stay hidden. but i know now that you really dont care about that. but thats okay, because its meant so much to me. ive learned what i should and shouldnt say. number one, make you laugh. because laughter creates trust. trust is the foundation of any friendship. i feel like i can tell you almost anything. im sorry you dont feel the same way towards me. in fact, in this friendship, id say im the lucky one. im the one that felt so attached and open. my happiest moments are when i talk to you. im sorry you dont get to experience the same thing, unless youre tired and arent thinking clearly. you probably dont even remember when we talked at night. you were probably just bored without danny ^^. but i understand. there are so many other people out there for me to meet. some worse than you, some better. nobody will be the same. i want someone who will tell me whats on her mind instead of hiding it and ignoring me. writing this has helped me understand so much. i realize you arent meant for me. you are young. you are confused. youre in love with a boy you dont even know. but im in love with a girl i dont even know. you said to me once that your biggest regret in life would be not meeting me in real life. i still feel that way, even though you dont think its possible. just to see you, once, if anything. i know youre young. youre 14 years old. when i was 14 i was a retarded, nerdy kid. which i still am, i dont doubt. when i was 14, i was a freshman in high school. just thinking back makes me feel stupid talking to you, lol. if i was talking to a girl when i was 14 and she was 17-18, i would be obsessed but then feel disconnected. we live so far away. i know what its like to not like somebody but still sort of talk to them. i still have no idea how to spell her name, but you couldnt just say, leave me alone, or anything like that. i dreaded it, it was annoying, i just couldnt stand her. i would sort of pretend to be happy, but i only think that led her on. i wish she had just ignored me. is there any way i would have liked her in the end? maybe. i dont know. i dont know how she could have changed. i feel like her right now. im going to leave you alone for a while. a day would seem pathetic, thinking about it. ill wait at least a week to talk to you, unless you talk to me first. im always here for you, just in case. i know real life isnt like the movies. i just need to understand that. if you dont like me, you dont like me, and thats it. theres no magical way to get you to like me again or not like this other guy. the only way youll like me again is if i have a complete attitude shift, you get bored with this guy, and i give you some space. you think im a bit creepy for messaging you so much. and i feel like i really blew it. if i had given you space earlier maybe you wouldnt be so upset. but its too late, so i might as well do it now. youre busy with life. friends. school. family. whatever. i understand. the reason im so pathetic and obsessed is because i have nothing else right now. in just a few weeks ill be at school. ill be distracted, too. i wont think about you as much. and i think thats a good thing. ill meet new people. ill spend time not thinking about you. one night, ill remember you, and send a message, maybe. and maybe you wont respond. or maybe i wont send it at all. if im over you by then, ill wait for you. but hey, maybe i wont respond to you. right now, in my dream world, you would send me a message saying "help, i hate this guy" or "im sorry i was upset" or "i love you lets get married." of course thats not going to happen and i get that. writing about this feels so good. i feel like im finally letting everything out. i used to think about you every moment. i couldnt fall asleep one night because i didnt talk to you. i dreamt about talking to you. i had conversations in my head where you cared for me. and id wake up, look at my messages, and see nothing. its sort of funny looking back at it now, because i know you were probably making a lot of stuff up earlier lol. you said just because you said you wanted to meet me "didnt mean you meant it" or some crap like that, lol. its obvious you really dont care about me right now. and i dont even know why i thought twice about it. of course youre not busy, youre busy sucking up to this other guy, because he posts funny pictures and makes you laugh over stupid things but you love it. he knows all your friends, and you know some of his, and you werent meant to be together. of course i hate him because you love him, but im not saying hes a bad guy. hes who you like, and i cant control that. i feel betrayed, a bit, but you wouldnt know haha. you are 14. i need to understand that. i cant even remember being 14. starting high school? i cant remember a single teacher. let me think. ms green oh my god lol that was so long ago. who did i like then? i still liked alyssa. that was the closest thing i had to a girlfriend. i hugged her once. LOL. by tenth grade i was over her, i think. its going to take a while to get over you, but ill be glad when i am. its amazing how much someone can change in just a day or two. well, it was nice talking to you. if you ever want to talk, just message me. i might respond. but for now, im gonna wait a while, leave you to think alone, and then maybe try again. but maybe thats desperate. whatever. talk to you later, kitty. good luck.