Puns

alias punnyL0 "say Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.; alias punny punnyL1"
alias punnyL1 "say I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.; alias punny punnyL2"
alias punnyL2 "say I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.; alias punny punnyL3"
alias punnyL3 "say It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.; alias punny punnyL4"
alias punnyL4 "say I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.; alias punny punnyL5"
alias punnyL5 "say I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.; alias punny punnyL6"
alias punnyL6 "say I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.; alias punny punnyL7"
alias punnyL7 "say There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.; alias punny punnyL8"
alias punnyL8 "say Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.; alias punny punnyL9"
alias punnyL9 "say The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.; alias punny punnyL10"
alias punnyL10 "say I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.; alias punny punnyL11"
alias punnyL11 "say Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.; alias punny punnyL12"
alias punnyL12 "say He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. ; alias punny punnyL13"
alias punnyL13 "say No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.; alias punny punnyL14"
alias punnyL14 "say Atheism is a non-prophet organization.; alias punny punnyL15"
alias punnyL15 "say I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.; alias punny punnyL16"
alias punnyL16 "say To write with a broken pencil is pointless. ; alias punny punnyL17"
alias punnyL17 "say When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.         ; alias punny punnyL18"
alias punnyL18 "say A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. ; alias punny punnyL19"
alias punnyL19 "say Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.; alias punny punnyL20"
alias punnyL20 "say There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. ; alias punny punnyL21"
alias punnyL21 "say There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.; alias punny punnyL22"
alias punnyL22 "say Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.; alias punny punnyL23"
alias punnyL23 "say Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.; alias punny punnyL25"
alias punnyL25 "say Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.; alias punny punnyL26"
alias punnyL26 "say The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.; alias punny punnyL27"
alias punnyL27 "say A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.    ; alias punny punnyL28"
alias punnyL28 "say A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. ; alias punny punnyL29"
alias punnyL29 "say A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.; alias punny punnyL30"
alias punnyL30 "say The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.; alias punny punnyL31"
alias punnyL31 "say I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.; alias punny punnyL32"
alias punnyL32 "say Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.; alias punny punnyL33"
alias punnyL33 "say Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.; alias punny punnyL35"
alias punnyL35 "say I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning! ; alias punny punnyL36"
alias punnyL36 "say If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor. ; alias punny punnyL37"
alias punnyL37 "say I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot.; alias punny punnyL38"
alias punnyL38 "say I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. ; alias punny punnyL39"
alias punnyL39 "say The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.; alias punny punnyL40"
alias punnyL40 "say I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.; alias punny punnyL41"
alias punnyL41 "say I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. ; alias punny punnyL42"
alias punnyL42 "say When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland. ; alias punny punnyL43"
alias punnyL43 "say Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. ; alias punny punnyL44"
alias punnyL44 "say Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ; alias punny punnyL45"
alias punnyL45 "say Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside. ; alias punny punnyL46"
alias punnyL46 "say Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers. ; alias punny punnyL47"
alias punnyL47 "say The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.  ; alias punny punnyL48"
alias punnyL48 "say You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you! ; alias punny punnyL49"
alias punnyL49 "say The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. ; alias punny punnyL50"
alias punnyL50 "say I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days. ; alias punny punnyL51"
alias punnyL51 "say How did I escape Iraq? Iran. ; alias punny punnyL52"
alias punnyL52 "say I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. ; alias punny punnyL53"
alias punnyL53 "say When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on. ; alias punny punnyL54"
alias punnyL54 "say Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards. ; alias punny punnyL55"
alias punnyL55 "say My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate. ; alias punny punnyL56"
alias punnyL56 "say Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball. ; alias punny punnyL57"
alias punnyL57 "say I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. ; alias punny punnyL58"
alias punnyL58 "say I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. ; alias punny punnyL59"
alias punnyL59 "say What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1" ; alias punny punnyL60"
alias punnyL60 "say How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard. ; alias punny punnyL61"
alias punnyL61 "say Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. ; alias punny punnyL62"
alias punnyL62 "say I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.. ; alias punny punnyL63"
alias punnyL63 "say A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame. ; alias punny punnyL64"
alias punnyL64 "say I hate insect puns, they really bug me ; alias punny punnyL65"
alias punnyL65 "say What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. ; alias punny punnyL66"
alias punnyL66 "say Which day do chickens hate the most? Fry-day. ; alias punny punnyL67"
alias punnyL67 "say For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened. ; alias punny punnyL68"
alias punnyL68 "say Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months. ; alias punny punnyL69"
alias punnyL69 "say Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey. ; alias punny punnyL70"
alias punnyL70 "say Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway. ; alias punny punnyL71"
alias punnyL71 "say What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? ; alias punny punnyL72"
alias punnyL72 "say What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships. ; alias punny punnyL73"
alias punnyL73 "say I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables. ; alias punny punnyL74"
alias punnyL74 "say What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic ; alias punny punnyL75"
alias punnyL75 "say Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue! ; alias punny punnyL76"
alias punnyL76 "say I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it. ; alias punny punnyL77"
alias punnyL77 "say What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea! ; alias punny punnyL78"
alias punnyL78 "say Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A cucumber. ; alias punny punnyL79"
alias punnyL79 "say Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental! ; alias punny punnyL80"
alias punnyL80 "say What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish ; alias punny punnyL81"
alias punnyL81 "say Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years. ; alias punny punnyL82"
alias punnyL82 "say What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone. ; alias punny punnyL83"
alias punnyL83 "say What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream. ; alias punny punnyL84"
alias punnyL84 "say What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH ; alias punny punnyL85"
alias punnyL85 "say Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph ; alias punny punnyL86"
alias punnyL86 "say A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game. ; alias punny punnyL87"
alias punnyL87 "say What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? You're purrr-fect for me! ; alias punny punnyL88"
alias punnyL88 "say What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet! ; alias punny punnyL89"
alias punnyL89 "say What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeno business. ; alias punny punnyL90"
alias punnyL90 "say A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. ; alias punny punnyL91"
alias punnyL91 "say Why don't you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it. ; alias punny punnyL92"
alias punnyL92 "say How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet. ; alias punny punnyL93"
alias punnyL93 "say Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent. ; alias punny punnyL94"
alias punnyL94 "say What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers. ; alias punny punnyL95"
alias punnyL95 "say Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle. ; alias punny punnyL96"
alias punnyL96 "say Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender. ; alias punny punnyL97"
alias punnyL97 "say What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie. ; alias punny punnyL98"
alias punnyL98 "say What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror. ; alias punny punnyL99"
alias punnyL99 "say What's the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus. ; alias punny punnyL100"
alias punnyL100 "say Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks 'How do you drive this thing?' ; alias punny punnyL101"
alias punnyL101 "say Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man! ; alias punny punnyL102"
alias punnyL102 "say Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. ; alias punny punnyL103"
alias punnyL103 "say I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap. ; alias punny punnyL104"
alias punnyL104 "say What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. ; alias punny punnyL105"
alias punnyL105 "say How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool. ; alias punny punnyL106"
alias punnyL106 "say You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's pretty cheesy. ; alias punny punnyL107"
alias punnyL107 "say Dry erase boards are remarkable. ; alias punny punnyL108"
alias punnyL108 "say Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common. ; alias punny punnyL109"
alias punnyL109 "say How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.  ; alias punny punnyL110"
alias punnyL110 "say People who say they suffer from constipation are full of shit. ; alias punny punnyL111"
alias punnyL111 "say Never trust atoms, they make up everything. ; alias punny punnyL113"
alias punnyL112 "say I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked. ; alias punny punnyL114"
alias punnyL113 "say If Apple made a car, would it have Windows? ; alias punny punnyL115"
alias punnyL114 "say Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera. ; alias punny punnyL116"
alias punnyL115 "say To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing! ; alias punny punnyL117"
alias punnyL116 "say I have a few jokes about unemployed people. But it doesn't matter none of them work ; alias punny punnyL118"
alias punnyL117 "say They're finally making a movie about clocks. Its about time! ; alias punny punnyL119"
alias punnyL118 "say I love marriage proposals. They're so engaging! ; alias punny punnyL110"
alias punnyL119 "say Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word. ; alias punny punnyL0"

alias punny punnyL0
bind ] punny