NYXNYXNYXNYXNYXNYX the spin off from hell

>"...which is why we need to get to Baltimare ASAP!"
"Ooooookay...? I still fail to see why I'm here--"
>"Ooooh Baltimare! I love Baltimare!"
>"Let's go!"
>"Do you think they have appuls over there?"
>"Of course they have apples you silly mudpony!"
>"WAIT! I can't wear this scarf in Baltimare!"
>"Ugh, who cares! It's a scarf--"
"HEY!"
>they all turn to you, taken aback by your voice
"You better give me a good reason as to why you woke me up this fucking early, or I'm going to whoop your purple butt!"
>"Oh! Of course, how could I forget!"
"Because I sure as hell ain't going to Baltimare to fight some moon cult--"
>"No, of course not, you'd just be getting in our hooves anyway,-"
"...I'll take that as a compliment,"
>"-but since Cheerilee is out of town and that the mayor and most adults are too busy preparing for the festival, I'll need you to take care of Nyx while I'm gone,"
"Wait what--"
>"Hurry up Twilight! We're going to miss the train!"
>"I'm coming!"
"Wait, Sparkle, how the fuck do you expect me to take care of this little shit?! I can barely even take care of myself! What do I do if she starts shooting lasers or try to take over the world?!"
>"Oh, right! The list!"
"Wait a second, you can't just dump this on me like that--"
>"Here, there's food in the fridge and... here, you can use this to call me if anything happens, just push on the button and it'll create a link--"
>"Yarrrrr! I'm a pirate!"
>"Oh and, she's going through this whole pirate phase, so maybe you could read her a book or two on the matter and--"
>"Choo choo!"
>"Oh right, the train! Anyway, everything's on the list, I'll try and come back as soon as I can!"
>she leans down to give the little shit a nuzzle, before she turns around and starts trotting away
>"Oh and, try not to teach her too many bad words!"
"What the fuck, TWILIGHT?!"
>and just like that, she was gone
>they all were
>all but one
>"First mate Anonymous! Ready the cannons! We're taking Canterlot's port tonight!"