As a kid i never understood why they didn’t like him,
As an adult i still don’t understand,
Psst it’s a brothel and he’s poor,
Oh my god wh-what,

I think i like art then i meet art people and i’m like nevermind it’s so fun being a popular jock,
How do i get tweets tattooed onto my brain stem,

So my friends getting his leg amputated today, and he’s texting me and he goes, this sucks, i’m losing all my tattoos,
I’m like, that’s what you’re worried about, what about your leg,
He goes, i didn’t pay for my leg,

We all make fun of carpeted bathrooms but i think we’ve all been stranded on the little island outside of the shower and just wished the whole floor was covered in bath mats,
Bro what the frick this is a horrible take,

Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men,
I’m confused, what’s left,
Oh nevermind l m a o my brain, you right sis l o l you is right,
You really forgot your whole brain,
She read this post with her pussy,

Do you ever wonder if anyone else in the world is listening to the exact same song as you and on the exact same lyric as you,
No, i am already familiar with the concept of f m radio,

Introducing a new alignment, chaotic lawful, i have a strict moral code but nobody can figure out what the heck it is,
Not to be confused with lawful chaotic, which is creating as much chaos as possible by following the letter of the law, usually to ridiculous extremes,

I remember the first time i tried drying catnip in the food dehydrator, and accidentally invented a cat vape station,
Came home to all three of them, only had three at the time, literally laying on/around the dehydrator stoned out of their little kitty minds,
I think we have a business plan here folks,

397 feet, 305 feet,
This is for all y’all who don’t understand how terrifying these suckers are,
Oh my god it’s attacking the statue of liberty somebody do something,
I know just the man for the job,

What’s a terf, is it like a thot,
No, thots are respectable members of our society,

Me, desperate, begging on my knees, please just have one coherent fricking thought,
My absolute crap brain,
Blonde boys love the tub,

Currently, you’re procrastinating something,
And we were like, we know but, hey,

We live in a dis toe peeing so sigh titty,
That’s a fact,

The gang’s all here,

Detective pikachu, is baby,
Movie sonic, is carrying the bubonic plague,
Baby, killed millions,
It’s basically this,

Cool advice from dark souls,
Age only affects appearance, and has no bearing on ability,
Gender has no bearing on ability,
Everyone has imperfections,
Prejudice births malcontents,
Become a dark spirit,
Time for crab,

Who do you think would win in a fight to the death between ihop and denny’s,
I’d say denny’s,
Ihop is where kids sometimes have birthday parties,
Denny’s is where i’d go to meet a hitman,
I’m on board with that logic,

Djing party for the first time, sorry guys ignore this spotify ad the music should be back soon,
Laughs on you, but some years ago i was at a party and we heard a spotify ad,
Why are the laughs on me,

A lot of terfs speak like they’re giving a speech in a movie, one time one of them referred to me and my brethren, which they then had to clarify meant trans people and their supporters, i still think about that and laugh sometimes, you and your brethren, like what are we, viking warriors,
I am a trans ally,
I support trans rights,

This morning i used redbull instead of water to make my coffee,
After 15 minutes driving on a highway i realized i left my car at home,
Just had a glimpse of my alternate reality where i am the mom that made this meme,

I feel like i can legitimately sue half of you for the things you make me read,

Polreneff’s reaction to getting his titty touched,

Eisenhower gives recipe for atomic bombs to the u n,
Scientists from manhattan project, you promised not to tell,
President eisenhower, hitler promised not to invade czechoslovakia nerds, welcome to the real world,

There is literally no logical, emotional, aesthetic, philosophical, moral, or sexy reason for the sun to be gone at 4:30 p m,
Vampires can come out earlier,
One sexy reason,

Do what thou wilt with this cursed image,

P o v, you are rainbow dash,

Blair witch project true ending,
The people in blair witch project, what was that noise,
The blair witch, yaaack ack ack, it’s me, the blare witch,

Why did i try weed o m g imma die i feel like a a d v d player,
This is genuinely the funniest thing i’ve ever seen i’m losing it,

10 most fun cities in illinois,
What the frick this is horrifying,
I will never go to illinois,
But, you, must, have, fun,

All these naked women porn blogs following me and i’m over here like,
Leave me alone i’m gay,

Me, i’m so tired i’m going to sleep right away,
Checks i g, checks timeline, checks snapchat, watches 34 youtube videos, eats a 5 course meal,

Nice to meet you woody,
And you are,
This is forky,
I’m trash,
Nice to see people like myself being represented in the new t s 4,

When people get angry at you for liking snakes,
That is the cutest fricking snake,

Seltzer water and lemon for blood, or wear red, dumbas,
He’s trying to use a fricking tide pen,

My little brother just fricking threw a milk carton at me w t f how dairy,
Why did you make me read this,

Just watching the office on my computer and every now and then the image glitches up, but this is the most horrifying thing i have ever seen,

Cracking open a cold one with the boys,
Cracking open a cold boy,

nintendo,
Hello fellow gamers, i too have acquired an new console, i’m just like you,

Be myself,
What kind of garbage advice is that,
Just be yourself,

I’m 22 years old, i work for the government, and this is my bed,
Maybe our government is in better hands than i thought,

The guy from the ten dollar bill,
I forgot i had a crush on you,
Can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that mabel had a crush on alexander hamilton,

Chip in a bottle,
How do this,
Is this what god wanted,

Waterbears can go without food or water for more than a decade, they can survive temperatures from zero to above the boiling point of water, pressure six times stronger than the deepest ocean trench, radiation hundreds of times higher than the fatal dose for a human, and the vacuum of space,
But they’re terrifying,
Noot, paddle paddle paddle paddle, noot,

Most private thing i’m willing to admit, i’m not good at estimating how much pasta is enough for one person,
There’s a tool for that,
Why is it shaped like a horse,
I’m so hungry i could eat a horse,
So the smallest one is, i’m so hungry i could eat a small child,

I don’t hang out with white dudes who use mustache wax anymore because it’s only a matter of time before they fall in love with me and find out i’m gay and write a song on their, i d k, their frickin harpsichord or banjo or ukulele about the girl from the forest who broke their heart but also they don’t even like hikinh,
I know this seems oddly specific and that’s because it is,
3 times,

Dylan and cole sprouts,

Flat stomachs really need to stop being a thing people expect from others like, what the frick do you mean i need a flat stomach when i have seven meters of intestine in me,
Terrifying thought but i absolutely agree,

This ad scares me,
Have you been injured,
If not, you soon will be,

Hey,
I used to live in your house, i’m drunk in boston, and it’s the only address i know,
Happy holidays,
M w,
This is my favorite thing that i have ever seen on the internet,

If someone ever asks to summarize 2010 up in one picture, just show them this,

Bonjour beach,
Me in spanish class,
Spanish class,

Graspers,
What’s he gonna do with those hands,

Pirates are cool they’re like ocean cowboys,
Or are cowboys more like land pirates,
Skritch skritch,

Levitating 6 inches off the ground, mom told me to tell you that dinner’s ready,
Turning my head around 180, what’d she make,

Who would win,
Stealth developed over millennia of evolution,
One jangly good boi necklace,
Did you know that if you put a bell collar on an outdoor cat they will learn to hunt around the bell’s sound and then when you take the bell off they will be 1000x better at hunting,

When your sleeping and you hear someone break into your house to kill you,