SUB.12 - Looking for the Dawn

ORIGINAL PROMPT:
>"Hey, Anon. You got a minute?"
>"Listen, I know you don't like these "talks" and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but..."
>"We've been together for a while now and...well, I don't know where we're going."
>"Sometimes I still feel like I don't know you."
>"You never let me in, Anon. You never let me know how you're feeling."
>"Sometimes I wonder if you even care about me."
>"You keep to yourself, I get that, but if you'd just let me invade your space every once in a while...it might take away the pain."
>"Look, I need you to tell me something, cause I need to know..."
>"Do you love me, Anon? Cause...you're losing me."




STORY:
>You were sitting with Sunset at her bus stop when she decided to drop a bombshell on you.
>She was distant on the walk over here, something seemingly on her mind.
>You never thought it was about you.
>"Anon, please. I need to know."
>Your mouth turns to cotton.
>Situations like these have never been a strong point of yours.
>You've been described as looking like 'a deer caught in headlights'.
"I- I don't..."
>She turns away from you, her expression changing from one of worry to sorrow.
>She bites a finger to try quell her emotions.
"Sunny, I- I love-"
>Do you love her, truly?
>Have you ever really felt love for anyone, specifically her?
>Her expression changes again, but this time to anger.
>Hesitating was a mistake.
>The bus pulls up from down the road, the brakes screeching as it pulls into the station.
>"That's-"
>She sharply inhales.
>"That's all I need to hear."
>As hard as she tries to mask it with anger, she's hurting.
>You know her at least that well.
"No, I didn't mean that, I just... Please come back, we can talk about this."
>She steps onto the bus, but turns around to tell you one last thing.
>"Anon, I've tried. So many times. But this time, I can't. I'm not going to 'talk' about it, where we have an hour long discussion that leads us nowhere. Don't try contact me today, I n-need to think about this."
>She chokes up near the end, a tear escaping her.
>Wiping it off with her jacket, the bus door closes and pulls off leaving you speechless on the side walk.
>Did-
>Did she just break up with you?
>Did she imply that you two were over?
>It hits you in waves.
>The feeling makes you sick.
>Sunset's become such an integral part of your life over these last few months, even trying to imagine life without her is impossible.
>You have to fix this.
>But how?
>The walk home could be described as nothing but a slow shuffle.
>You hit and miss your apartment keyhole a few times getting it open.
>Nothings been in focus since this afternoon.
>Thoughts of Sunset wrack your brain.
>She told you not to contact her.
>Should you?
>Or would she just ignore the message?
>You curse at yourself for being so emotionally stunted.
>Deciding against her wishes, you pick up your phone and message her.
>It doesn't matter if she reads it or not, but you have to try.
[Sunset, you there? Look, I'm sorry about today. I was caught off guard and I didn't know how to respond. I love you more than anything in my world. I know you know that, despite how little I may say it. I'm sorry for not being able to open up to you, I just don't know how. One thing I can say for absolute certain is how important you are to me, and how I would do anything to make you happy. I know that  sending this message isn't enough to fix anything, I just needed to let you know that I do care. Goodnight Sunny, I hope we can get over this soon.]
>You hit send.
>She wouldn't read it if it was any longer.
>You can only hope that she sees it and takes it into consideration.
>Putting the phone down, you get up and make dinner.
"Just don't know how, huh."
>The rest of the evening is spent in silence.
>You avoid checking your phone, lest Sunset messaged you back.
>But after a certain point you couldn't take it any more.
>Opening the chat you can see that she read the message.
>Thank God.
>Maybe now you two can talk about it.
[Please, tell me what you're thinking.]
>Yet as the hours flow by in a haze, she doesn't even come online, much less read the chat.
>Finding some peace of mind in your work, you're left feeling exhausted.
>But  the thoughts don't stop.
>You walk through your apartment, turning off all the lights in preparation for sleep.
>But your eyes don't leave your phone.
>If she replies to you, you /have/ to be online.
>You want to tell her how sorry you are for being a prick.
>How completely idiotic you act whenever conversations get serious.
>And as you get into bed, the phone remains silent.
>It stays that way whilst you toss and turn in your bed, eventually getting to sleep.
>...
>A drop of hot oil jumps up onto your arm, and you brush it off with a cloth.
>She didn't reply to your message.
>You sent her a good morning text, but she didn't even read that.
>You're just hoping she shows up at one of her classes today, and you can catch her there.
>This time for sure, you're going to act like you should have been all these months.
>You pick up your bag and walk out the door, making your way to class.
>It's relatively early, but you don't mind having an earlier class than everyone else.
>It makes the journey less noisy.
>Though you don't think that you're going to be concentrating much today.
>Making your way into the hall, you unpack your bag and sit down.
>And do one last phone check.
>Nothing.
>The time in class drags on slowly, as the teacher goes on random tangents every now and then.
>This class could be a condensed 45 minutes, but always carries on longer because of these stories.
>As the lecture approaches it's end you pack your bags and walk out, making your way over to where Sunset will be in about half an hour.
>Hopefully.
>If she even showed up today.
>She must have, right? She's never missed a day on purpose.
>Leaning back against a wall, you play some music to pass the time.
>You watch the sun move through the sky and see the shadows move.
>Songs start and end one after another.
>Still no Sunny.
>The rock in your stomach grows larger and larger.
>It feels like your lungs and heart have physically moved down into your lower abdomen.
>You can't believe that she would actually avoid you.
>This has never happened before.
>You always talked it out the day after.
>Well, tried.
>Then what she meant, when she said she was done...
>Are you just going to have to accept that it's ove-
>"HEYA ANON."
>A full body tackle from Pinkie snaps you out of it.
>You rub your cheek.
"Hey, the fuck was that for?"
>"You looked down. I decided to change that."
"How did you make it any better? Now I'm just angry and in pain."
>"Then I did my job."
>You sigh.
"What're you doing here, anyways?"
>"My lecture juust ended, I'm going over to Sugarcube Corner."
"Hey wait, you're in Sunny's class right? Was she in today?"
>She puts her finger on her chin and strokes it as if she had a beard.
>"Hmmmm... now that you mention it, she wasn't. Weird, usually I use her notes. Good thing I came in today!"
>You sigh again.
>"Ooh. Is that what this is about? You waiting out here? Did something happen with Sunset?"
"Yeah, something definitely happened."
>"Awh shucks, Anon. Hey, why don't you come with me to Sugarcube Corner? We can talk on the way there."
>You look to the hall behind you.
"Yeah, I guess I could. Maybe getting it out will help. Get me up."
>She extends her arm and pulls you, the two of you walking to Sugarcube Corner together.
>And as the two of you make your way there, you start talking about you and Sunset.
>The longer the story gets, Pinkie looks more and more physically upset.
>Until one point where she actually interrupts you.
>"Look, Anon. I don't remember a lot of what you were like as a child, since you moved when we were so young. But I don't get when you became /this/ bad with emotions!"
"W-what?"
>"Why didn't you just say you love her? That is how you feel, isn't it!?"
"Yes, of course! I mean- I think it is..."
>"What do you mean /think/?"
"I don't- I don't know. I don't understand my own feelings, Pinkie. I don't get what 'love' is, and even if I did, I have no clue how to express it."
>Pinkie facepalms.
>"Okay, Anon, real talk. When you're with Sunset, what do you feel?"
"I feel happy. She makes me feel good about myself, and whatever I do I feel confident that she'll be at my side."
>"And?"
"She makes it like... It's like when I'm with her, everything just seems lighter. When I'm with Sunny, the world feels like a better place to be in, at least for that moment."
>Pinkie smiles and huffs.
>"Anon, that's it!"
"That's what?"
>"That's love, what you're feeling!"
"That's what love is? Just that?"
>"What do you mean, JUST that? She makes you happy, doesn't she!?"
"Yeah, she does."
>"Then what other reason do you need to say you love her?"
>Well, she's got you there.
"I... I don't know."
>A chime over the Sugarcube Corner door rings as you and Pinkie make your way in.
>"On another note, what are ya gonna get?"